“If only I could go to sleep forever.”
“I want to die.”
“I wish I’d never been born.”
Do you ever have thoughts like these, and you do not want to kill yourself? Many people do. They want their life to end, but they don’t want to end their life.
If you’re one of those people, you probably don’t think of yourself as suicidal. It might surprise you to know that, in clinical parlance, such thoughts are considered to be “passive” suicidal ideation.
What is Suicidality?
Technically speaking, the term “passive suicidal thoughts” is an oxymoron. The very meaning of suicide is the intentional act of killing oneself. How can someone be suicidal if they don’t want to die by suicide?
That’s where “passive” comes in. People with passive suicidal thoughts don’t want to do anything to make themselves die. They wish it would just happen.
Suicidality – that is, suicidal thoughts or behavior – exists on a spectrum. At one end are people who wish they weren’t alive anymore but also don’t think of suicide. At the other end of the spectrum are people with extremely high intent to end their life now, or maybe they’ve even just made a suicide attempt.
At points in between are different gradations of suicidality. Some people think of killing themselves but quickly reject the idea. Some want to die by suicide and make a plan but don’t intend to carry it out. Some want, plan, and intend to die by suicide but not any time soon. Those are just a few possibilities.
The Dangers of Passive Suicidal Thoughts
Research indicates that people with passive vs. active suicidal thoughts are at equal risk for attempting suicide. We don’t know why, but it’s reasonable to hypothesize that passive suicidal thoughts can swiftly change from “I want to be dead” to “I want to kill myself.”
It’s also possible (though this hasn’t been researched specifically) that risk factors for passive suicidal thoughts are similar to risk factors for suicide itself. These risk factors might include mental or physical pain, hopelessness, illness, stress, loss, trauma, poverty, unemployment, relationship problems, isolation, substance abuse or addiction, sleep disturbance, and more.
In short, people who wish they were dead share something important with people who want to kill themselves: Both groups want their pain or problems to end.
Passive suicidality can lead people to put themselves in danger. For example, they might not wear a seatbelt or drive carefully. They might use too many drugs or drink too much or pick fights with strangers. They’re not trying to kill themselves (at least, not consciously), but they also don’t care if they get killed.
So, if you have passive suicidal thoughts, please take good care of yourself. You may be at higher risk than average for death. I realize that if you want to die, you might welcome such news. But please, recognize the wish for death as a symptom of something in your life, or inside of you, that needs healing. Healing, not killing.
How to Get Help
Please, talk with somebody about how you’re feeling. Sharing your thoughts with a trusted friend, family member, teacher, doctor, minister or other person (or people) serves two purposes: One, they can try to help you. Two, you may not feel so alone.
The resources that I list here are available to all people in distress, whether or not they think explicitly of suicide: hotlines, crisis text lines, online chat, and more.
Therapy can address why you want to die, and how to feel better. If therapy is out of reach for you financially, take a look at the post, “12 Ways to Get Therapy if You Can’t Afford It.” You also might want to see a doctor to make sure there’s no physical condition, like depression or a thyroid problem, that’s triggering thoughts of death.
A safety plan is helpful, too, in case your desire for death morphs into fantasizing about, or making plans to, kill yourself. A safety plan lays out the steps you can take to cope, get help, and stay safe if suicidal thoughts put you in danger. You can find a form for completing a safety plan here.
People who want to be dead often feel hopeless. Consider filling up a hope box (physical or virtual) with reminders of the people, places, hopes, and possibilities that make life worth living.
In any case, I hope you will get help. Even if you don’t want to take action to end your life, the important thing is that you’re hurting or otherwise unhappy. There are many things you can try to feel better, heal, and actually like being alive.
Copyright 2020 by Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW. Written for SpeakingOfSuicide.. All Rights Reserved.
I have been having this thought for a long time .
If only leaving this world was as easy as pressing the button I would have been gone for a long time .
I just want to die.
I too have been feeling that way wanting to die but sooner or later it will
Happen
Me to, I’m riddled with pain have lower bowel and liver cancer type 2 diabetes keep falling over no relatives as such who care.
Nick,
That sounds incredibly painful and alienating. I hope you’re able to find other services where you live that can provide assistance and companionship. If you’re in the U.S., you could try dialing 211, or going to findhelp.org for resources.
Thanks for sharing here.
I recently was told I had a mass in my lung and “mild” emphysema. Cancer would kill me faster and morphine would kill the pain. Emphysema is also terminal, awful road to death though and will take years. I thought I finally had my way out.Follow up test showed the “mass” was gone. I apparently do have emphysema I am so frustrated and angry. I thought finally I had the natural way out..
+
I’ve never been happy in life. I’ve had happy moments but overall never been happy. One short period, I felt content so that was probably the best. So even early on in my high school days, I felt I could cease living, and it would be no big deal. I’ve pretty much felt this off and on my whole life. I’ve had some friends (few) but never had really supportive people in my life. I’ve carried on ok but just never get any breaks. I’ve read a lot of the posts here and feel that a lot of people have much more than me when they mention exes and children so it seems at least they felt some moments of genuine love and happiness. Me, on the other hand, NO. All of us here are still here because there’s a small sense that maybe tomorrow will be better. Well, for me, I ‘ve went through school, career, thinking at some point I will have control and become happy. That has not happened. It’s 20+ years later, and I feel like my life could’ve ended then, as it makes no difference today. I got laid off again a short time ago so just wondering what the point of all this is. My personal/social life sucks. This world is controlled by rich evil pedophiles hellbent on destroying the world and not seeking any justice for any wrongdoings, and it is just getting worse day by day. Everyday, I see people die of random acts of violence or some other unpredictable premature death. I wish that were me as these people have more of a life in front of them. I am just taking up too much space and resources from people who are thriving and want to be here.
I don’t fear death. I look forward to it And I am ready to go I want to the faster out of life the happier I will be I know where I am going do it I how iam and I know when When iam
Finally at peace I will feel better