10 Things Not to Say to a Suicidal Person

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What not to say to a suicidal person

 

“I want to kill myself.” 

Those five words are a shock to hear, a dreadful pronouncement from a friend or family member you do not want to lose. You recoil at the thought. How could they want to die?

As unwelcome as those words are to your ears, your loved one has handed you a gift. He or she is letting you in. By telling you they want to die, they are giving you the opportunity to help.

What you say next is very important. It could lead to your friend or family member letting you in even more – or shutting the door. Understandably you are full of emotion, and you might have many thoughts, some helpful, some not.

Here are 10 common responses that can do harm. First, a caveat: In general, these statements can convey judgment and foster alienation. But, depending on the context, some people might respond positively to at least some of these responses.

  1. “How could you think of suicide? Your life’s not that bad.” Perhaps on the outside the suicidal person’s life does not seem “that bad.” The pain lies underneath. It can greatly help a suicidal person to feel understood. This sort of statement conveys disbelief and judgment, not understanding. 
  1. “Don’t you know I would be devastated if you killed yourself? How could you think of hurting me like that?” Your loved one already feels awful. Heaping guilt on top of that is not going to help them feel soothed, understood, or welcome to tell you more. 
  1. “Suicide is selfish.” This inspires more guilt. Two points are important here. One, many people who seriously consider suicide actually think they are burdening their family by staying alive. So, in their distressed, perhaps even mentally ill state of mind, they would be helping their loved ones by freeing them of this burden. Two, isn’t it a natural response to excruciating pain to think first of helping oneself escape the torment?
  1. “Suicide is cowardly.” This inspires shame. It also does not really make sense. Most people fear death. While I hesitate to call suicide brave or courageous, overcoming the fear of death does not strike me as cowardly, either.
  1. “You don’t mean that. You don’t really want to die.” Often said out of anxiety or fear, this message is invalidating and dismissive. Presume that the person really does mean that they want to die. It does more harm to dismiss someone who is truly suicidal than it does to take someone seriously who is not suicidal, so why not just take everyone seriously?
  1. “You have so much to live for.” In some contexts, this kind of statement might be a soothing reminder of abundance and hope. But for many people who think of suicide and do not at all feel they have much to live for, this remark can convey a profound lack of understanding. 
  1. “Things could be worse.” Yes, things could be worse, but that knowledge does not inspire joy or hope. I compare it to two people who are stabbed, one in the chest, one in the leg. It is far worse to be stabbed in the chest, but that does not make the pain go away for the person stabbed in the leg. It still hurts. A lot. So even if people who think of suicide have many good things going for them, even if their lives could be far worse, they still experience a seemingly intolerable situation that makes them want to die. 
  1. “Other people have problems worse than you and they don’t want to die.” True, and your loved one may well have already considered this with shame. People who want to die often compare themselves to others and come up wanting. They may even feel defective or broken. Comparing them to others who cope better may only worsen their self-condemnation. 
  1. “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” I do know people, especially teens, for whom this statement was tremendously helpful. It spoke to them. But it also communicates that the person’s problems are temporary, when they might be anything but. In such a situation, a realistic goal for the person might be to learn to cope with problems and to live a meaningful life in spite of them. The other problem with this statement is it conveys that suicide is a solution – permanent, yes, and a solution. At a minimum, I recommend changing the word “solution” to “act” or “action,” simply to avoid reinforcing that suicide does indeed solve problems. 
  1. “You will go to hell if you die by suicide.” Your loved one has likely already thought of this possibility. Maybe they do not believe in hell. Maybe they believe the god they believe in will forgive their suicide. Regardless, their wish to die remains. Telling them they will go to hell can exacerbate feelings of alienation.

What not to say to a suicidal personAgain, any or all of the thoughts and emotions above may come to you. It doesn’t mean you are wrong or bad to have such reactions.

After all, you are human. You may feel angry, hurt, betrayed. You cannot control the thoughts and feelings that come to you. You can only control what you say or do in response to your thoughts and feelings.

When someone discloses suicidal thoughts to you, your words and actions can help the suicidal person to feel less alone and, as a result, hopeful. Good questions to ask yourself are, “How can what I want to say help this person? How can it do harm?”

Your answer may mean the difference between the person feeling judged and even more alone – or accepted and understood.

What If You’ve Already Spoken? 

What not to say to a suicidal personI suspect that if I stopped this post here, I would receive frantic emails from people who already reacted in ways that were not especially helpful or understanding. Their fear and anxiety may have spilled out when they heard their friend or family member express a desire to die.

That fear and anxiety are understandable. So are the reactions above. But what to do when what has been said cannot be unsaid?

My advice? Try again. Go back to the person and say that you realize you did not respond helpfully, that you are frightened by the possibility of their dying by suicide, but you want to set aside your fears and understand better their wish to die so that you can be a listening ear, a partner in their struggle, an ally who helps them feel less alone and hopeless.

And then it can be helpful to ask some of the most important words of all, “How can I help?”

© Copyright 2015 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All Rights Reserved. Written for www.speakingofsuicide.com

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  1. Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

    I’m sorry, folks, the time has come for me to shut down the comments for this post. The site is getting far too many comments for me to manage them effectively. Thank you to all who shared your thoughts here. I appreciate your having shared your very personal and painful stories. It’s unfair how much suffering there is in the world, and I hope that life does get better for each of you.

    If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). You can also find many resources for other places to call, text, or email for help on the Resources page of this site, at speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp. Thank you.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I feel bad I’ve said a lot of the things not to say and my gf tried to overdose I don’t no what to do

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      I’m sorry that you’re going through this, and that your girlfriend tried to overdose. Please know that although the above things aren’t ideal to say to someone, they are not what causes anyone to attempt suicide. The things not to say don’t cause suicide; they just are missed opportunities to express empathy and to ask what the person needs. And you can always do that now. Good luck to you and your girlfriend!

  3. Anonymous says:

    What do you do if you tried to help someone so much, they told you everything, you understood their situation, and they still attempted and now you are feeling the way they did…

  4. Anonymous says:

    Sometimes there’s nothing anyone can say to help, and many keep these thoughts to themselves, there’s nothing that can make life better! Sucks

  5. Anonymous says:

    If someone tells you they know how they would do it, should you ask how?

    • Kari says:

      Yes of course I’d ask how! Trust me I was there. Almost died two years ago also. And I totally agree never ever make a suicide person feel any worse than they already feel. Sometimes it takes a good friend or close family member to keep in contact either by phone or see them everyday and try and cheer them up the best way you can. The reason I tried is because I was trying to reach out to my boyfriend after 6 years that I wasn’t doing good that night and just wanted to end it all. Well I overdosed on some pills n when I woke up I couldn’t even see my phone to dial 911 so I had to fall outta my bed n litterally drag myself into my sons room like 2 feet away and once I got by him I went into convulsions and puking and couldn’t talk so he called 911 and I ended up in the ICU for 5 days.

      Then after I finally got home I learned my ex bf had messaged me to enjoy my overdose like he didn’t believe me!!! Was stunned n heart broken.

      So if they person is saying they have ways of doing it trust me they do so ask them how and try and help them the best you can. Thanks Kari

    • Anonymous says:

      Absolutely ask how. If it’s by cutting, make them get rid of everything sharp. If it’s by suffocation, make them get rid of the string or rope. If it’s by drowning, make sure they are never in the bathroom without someone waiting outside the door. If it’s by other ways, find out ways you can prevent access to their method.

  6. Anonymous says:

    my bestfriend is suicidal and she wont stop pushing me away. shes been through so much and I understand why she might think that dying is the only way to stop the pain. ive told her how much i care about her and love her and that no matter what she tries to do, im never going to leave. I remind her everyday that im never going to give up on her. i just want her to be happy again. i need advice on how to speak to her properly. i cant relate to what she tells me so its hard for me to completely understand what she’s feeling.

    • Gabby says:

      I don’t know your religious views. But maybe try praying for her and maybe with her. Sincerely pray. If you ever feel like you are not getting through to God or that he doesn’t hear you. But don’t let that discourage you. He does hear every prayer. Don’t worry about not knowing what to pray either, just say what’s on your heart. Also maybe talk to your friend about maybe seeking other help. I personally always hated the thought of going to a doctor. But I suffered from depression for a long time. When I was a child I went to a counselor and it did help. Whatever you do, stay positive. Your attitudes and actions could make an impact on her. Hope everything gets better for you and your friend!

    • Anonymous says:

      What sort of stuff has she gone through?

    • Anonymous says:

      Treat her as if she did not tell you anything, but include her in anything that you do. Spend time with her, don’t be judgmental and make her feel loved without blatantly expressing concern for her depression. Just spend time with and hang out with her.

  7. cath says:

    What do you do when it gets past just thoughts and you start planning things?

    • Anonymous says:

      Tell somebody straight away that you’ve been making plans – ideally a health professional, but if that feels too much then a friend or relative is the next best thing. It’s important not to try and deal with it by yourself, and no matter how alone you may be feeling, remember there are so many people out there who can help.

    • Callum says:

      Tell someone straight away that you’ve been making plans – ideally a health professional, but if that feels like too much then a friend or relative is the next best thing. It’s important not to try and deal with it by yourself, and no matter how alone you might feel right now, remember there are always people out there who can help.

  8. If anyone here is needing an ear to listen when in crisis I am experienced on a personal level with suicide and will respond. You are not alone and it will get better should you decide to stay with us-johnnyrberg7@gmail.com-a grateful restored life here

    • Tina says:

      tried to email u, but it wouldnt set up,,, must be an omen,,,oh well, no freaking biggie, have a good day

    • Angela Johnson says:

      My baby sister told me she wants to kill her self today i remained calm and talked to her after wards she was laughing i got her calmed down. I told her to call me day or nite im here

  9. My heart goes to each of you here. ..praying…

  10. Elena S says:

    Just to add my own comments, I told my father-in-law last week that I had been having some suicidal thoughts and he told me about where he used to go when he felt suicidal. My mind is now obsessed with that place so I can go there to see if I want to jump, cue worsened anxiety and depression. He meant well but adding ideas to a suicidal person’s mind is never a good idea.

  11. Sandra says:

    To you who’s reading this, I may not know who you are but I just want to tell something that may help, so thank you for pausing and reading this comment.

    There’s this app I found called ‘What’s Up?’ that helps me cope with my day to day living while suffering depression and anxiety. The app looks like a red circle with a hand on it. There are coping strategies there and a forum as well. In the forum we help each other out and talk it out. It maybe scary at first to talk, but trust me it will help you because it helped me too. There are kind hearted people there like you, like us, who are willing to help. I’m not affiliated with the maker, but I might as well suggest it to everyone.

    To the person still reading this, you are not alone whatever unpleasant situation or emotion you are going through. It may not be good today, but keep in mind that these problems are temporary. These problems will pass. It’s hard yes, but there is a way out of this so take one step at a time, one moment at a time and have patience. It’s not your fault, nobody is to blame. You matter in this world, every lives matter and you are important. Keep breathing and keep fighting.

    If I can live even though I’m depressed and suicidal and tried numerous attempts to do it but I didn’t, its because I fought off my demons and still fighting them now. If I can go to this website and write this and be still alive then so can you, and I believe in you. See? You got to this point and you’re still reading this, and that’s great.

    I remember this quote that said “Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.” So let’s help each other and extend support. Stay strong.

  12. Anonymous says:

    When I asked my GF if she has suicidal thoughts she did not answer at ALL. Just kept crying… I am scared!

  13. Alexis says:

    I met someone in a public online server for the game Wolf Quest. She had talked about suicide as if she would do it tonight…. her username is Alari. I have no idea who she is, but she talked about being bullied and abused at both home and at school. I sent her a friend request and messaged her, and she decided to host a private server with a voice chat. Turned out we are using different platforms of the game, which when using voice chat it doesn’t work. I tried joining her server, but I couldn’t. I messaged her why I couldn’t join and now she is offline and hasn’t responded to any of my messages since. I am very worried with how the other player had responded to her suicidal thoughts. They said she was trying to get attention and was making everything worse for them…. I have no idea what to do now. I want to help her, I care for her even if I don’t know her.

  14. Carol B says:

    Can I have them committed

  15. Anonymous says:

    I am extremely depressed. I have so much anger and sadness built up in me it’s unreal. I used to be so happy. Used to be so close to God. But everything changed because I screwed up. My fiancé broke up with me, and I hurt some of my family. My step dad won’t even look at me. I want so much for things to be better. I feel like I’ve tried everything. The only reason I haven’t went through with suicide is the fear of Hell. I believe heaven is real and I firmly believe in God. I just don’t understand why he won’t take my pain. Why he won’t turn this around. I just keep hoping for brighter days.

    • Anonymous says:

      It sounds like you are in a really rough place right now. I don’t know what got screwed up, but things will get better, Family may remain mad for a while, but they will come around. Reach out for help. There are resources out there. If you are in the US, a good start is – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Suicide prevention telephone hotline funded by the U.S. government. Provides free, 24-hour assistance. 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

    • Eli says:

      Please please you’re not alone in this,
      You have to be strong u have to keep your head up,
      God Is watching over you

    • Blossom says:

      I also felt that way , I don’t fear death ,I just thought about the people who actually care if I died and how they would be affected.

    • Sheila says:

      I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. If you “screwed up”, have you apologized for it and accepted responsibility for it? Have you taken steps to correct what you did? Perhaps that’s all everyone needs to take you back into their lives. Perhaps they just need a little bit of a show of faith that you will never do this again. Cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself. Then day by day try to be a better person for yourself. Sooner or later they will see that you’ve changed and hopefully things will work out. I don’t know that God “takes your pain”. You have to find your own path, perhaps he will lead you to it, but the rest is up to you!

  16. Anonymous says:

    U never ever say any of those things it hurt them too much

  17. Anonymous says:

    i dont even care anymore.

  18. Anonymous says:

    When someone say’s that they want to commit suicide but they say they are scared to do it themselves should I not be worried?

    • Blossom says:

      Fear can go away once they tell themselves it’s the only way , we can’t doubt that they won’t do it , because they might. the best thing is to stay by their side and show them reasons to live .

  19. Gerald M says:

    Something I hear a lot from someone who actually don’t care

  20. Anonymous says:

    How about life is what you make it. I frigging hate that line… such bullshit!

  21. Anonymous says:

    I have 2 friends and they have both told me they have depression I am really worried for them because they keep talking about suicide. I really don’t know how to help them anymore. Please help

  22. Gerald M says:

    It’s going to happen very soon none cares

  23. Britt says:

    I don’t know what to do….i..I just can’t take it anymore. My mom didn’t even try to help me when i told her. She kept me home from school for one day. I even begged her to help. I know she’s my mom, but she doesn’t seen to care about my emotional needs….

    • Anonymous says:

      It maybe your mom does not know how much your hurting. Please tell your doctor go to ER put yourself in go with a friend or by yourself. Please keep telling someone until they listen you matter and in most cases these feels you are having are genetic. I am a parent and my son suffers from depression and I can’t see my life with out him!!!!!’ Please keep talking,,,,,

  24. stephanie says:

    I want to die

  25. Anonymous says:

    When everything you loved is gone and you have terrible pain to live with daily, suicide seems the only choice you have no reason to been on this earth because you are truly alone. I have always believed In God and that he would show me the way. I feel he is not with me any more. I just want all the bodily pain to end. I can’t take it any more.

    • Anonymous says:

      Never give up, it won’t feel that way forever. God is ALWAYS with you, he would NEVER stop loving you and he is showing you a path. You NEED to have to have faith in yourself and realise that it’s not the end, it will never be the end. Everything you go through helps build you up as a person, although you are going through so much pain, it’s going to go away and build you up. God has created you for a reason, not to give up. If others can do it, you can too!

    • A S says:

      My thoughts are with you. My boyfriend feels this way, and I unfortunately am terrified to lose him and don’t know what to do to keep it from happening, as I haven’t been able to calm him down from these thoughts in the past. But I am truly praying for you, and if you still believe in God, know that I trust Him to make this right for you and your life. I care. I truly do, and I’m sorry for the things that have occurred to make you feel this way. but I will continue to pray for a breakthrough and a resource for you. God bless.

    • Tay Y says:

      I imagine that things feel like endless repetition and that there’s no other way out, but I am here to tell you that you matter and while things are unbearable now, things can and most likely will get better <3

    • Anonymous says:

      So I am staying anonymous… but anywho. I am 11 years old and I really want to talk to my parents or friends about if I have depression. But I just can’t talk to my parent because they have enough problems as it is. I have been feeling this way for about a year now and I just can’t talk to them. I feel like my dad might understand but… I also have a LOT of family problems now and I can’t find ANYONE to talk to… I have had thoughts about suicide before and self harm but I haven’t done so…. I usually don’t show my emotions or fake emotions around my friends and family. I usually avoid physical contact with other people…

    • mary says:

      my daughter feels the same- she said she would cover the suicide – so family would not know she ended it and would be less stressed. She has been in treatment daily for 9 months except for the last 30 days. Her husband will not have her back- she lost her job. moved and has no friends- what can I tell her.

    • nobody says:

      i understand.
      and no, god is not with you or me or anyone else.
      this is it. we are alone.

  26. luc says:

    Fear of “going to hell” if they commit suicide has, in my experience, prevented WAY MORE people from committing suicide than psychotherapy or anti-psych meds. In another post, you say the best way to prevent submitting to suicidal urges is “anything that works”. Well, threats of hell might work for some people. Not many anymore these days, but if the goal is to save as many people as possible (which seems to be your goal, which I don’t nec. share), then why would you take away something that can be very effective, if mean?

  27. Anonymous says:

    I’m depressed and I’ve had most of these said to me. Yay.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Hm… There are some people with REAL issues here. I mean, they have REASONS to present. So, I feel kinda stupid commenting here, but… Well, I’ll be an anonymous, anyway. No problem.
    I don’t know what is wrong with me… Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me, right? I’m a teen, this must be pretty normal. But, sometimes, life just feels overwhelming… And, I confess, I already thought of suicide. But then, maybe I was going to just run away, hm? Maybe it would be meaningless, since I would not feel anything anymore, neither happy or sad. ‘Cause I would be dead. I’ve been thinking about lots of things lately. And it feels like a movie, which I’m not even a part of. I am just watching it… Even though THIS is my life. I’ve been doing things I shouldn’t – actually, I haven’t been doing things I should. I almost did some pretty bad stuff, too – and I thing I got kinda scared, since, in that moment, I just stopped myself because that was going to cause me too much trouble… And… Oh, sorry. I really should not be… doing anything. Why should anyone care about me? I’m just pretending to be a pitiful one, aren’t I? My life is AWESOME compared to some people’s lives… Hahaha. That’s right. Maybe I’m just acting, and if I keep the way it is ’til now, it won’t get worse. Of course.

    • hellsdisney says:

      Hey I just read your post and I hope you are able to cope with your thoughts of suicide and depression. It doesn’t matter that other people’s lives are worse, there’s always going to be someone. What matters is how badly whatever is going on is affecting you. If you’re having thoughts of suicide I encourage you to continue with life. I know this is a short post and I wish I could help more <3

    • Anonymous says:

      Can you talk to your grandparents?

  29. John M says:

    As someone who attempted suicide, most of the things listed are why I never did again. So yes, these may not be the best things for some people but for many others this is literally a list of exactly why they didn’t. Just my personal experience, but wanted to make sure it was one that was heard. My love of those around me is what kept me from doing until my temporary situation was resolved.

    • Anonymous says:

      I held on for these reasons but at the same time, these reasons I knew already and felt guilt and shame for. By others saying them to me I then felt more shame and gilt. Which kept me in a nasty cycle long after it was finally revealed

  30. Isisis says:

    Sorry you’re having to go through this. Sounds tough. It’s hard to change your parents but it might possibly help if you let them know that you’re really trying and their disapproval hurts you and makes it even harder to meet their expectations.

    If that doesn’t help you need to find the approval from yourself. Congratulate yourself on your successes even if they don’t because in the end how you evaluate yourself is what counts. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. If you’re doing your best to please someone and they don’t appreciate it then they are the ones in the wrong. We all need to encourage other people and if they aren’t doing that don’t let it make you think you’re not good enough.

    Hope that helps a little.

    Be strong!

  31. Helen says:

    For other readers who are dealing with family members that refuse to stop trying to kill themselves, please read:
    http://www.thehotline.org/2014/08/when-your-partner-threatens-suicide/

    THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT, NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE SAID.

    My son has been trying to commit suicide for almost 7 years. I’ve take him her to counselors, physicians, he’s been in and out of hospitals for years. We did all the things we were supposed to do, said all the things we were supposed to, did everything we could to prolong his life and make him feel loved.

    You cannot help someone who refuses to help themselves.

  32. Anonymous says:

    you can’t tell someone suicidal they’re going to hell. IT ALREADY FEELS LIKE WE’RE IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Sean says:

    Number 11 – Don’t tell them suicide isn’t a solution. Of course it is. This inspires the feeling you think they are unintelligent. Maybe it’s not an ideal solution in your opinion but it is a solution nonetheless.

  34. Anonymous says:

    I really like the ‘Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, I am a teenager and I often tell myself this and it does keep me goin

    • James says:

      Unfortunately depression is not temporary.

      I often thought of suicide when I was a teen. Now, many years later, I’m sorry I didn’t do it then. It would have spared me many years of suffering.

  35. Aaron says:

    I wish Philip is dead
    Help me with depression!

    • Anonymous says:

      YOU’RE here for a purpose. Spend time finding that out. Say hello to 3 people. You have helped someone. God made you and loves you. You ain’t Alone.yes I said ain’t. I dont know your situation but I know mine. Dont give up.

  36. Anonymous says:

    I see that almost on all of these comments ppl are being rejected and mistreated. I’m here to help I’m someone who acctualy listens and heres my phone number so u may contact me562 383 3319

    • Belinda J. says:

      I have for many years had suicidal feelings but have always been able to talk myself out of ever hurting myself. I always think of the others in my life that would be affected by my death. It does make it harder for me to try to stop myself when others make comments that make you feel sadder. You don’t want to feel sad and suicidal. Sometimes you just need to express those feelings and not be judged for them. my heart goes out to all that have these feelings . I pray for guidance from the Lord and I get a relief from him.

  37. kayla says:

    Im 12 years old i always had that feeling where my parents dont like me and that they like or favor my little sister more. I cut myself and thought of committing suicide but im not in danger of doing it. A few days before my 13 birthday my mom was angry cause i got 2 A’s on my report card ……. She said that i wasnt gonna have a party nor a gift and that i didn’t study and those words killed me. Its been 2 days that i dont talk to her i studied so hard but she doesnt care it hurts cause she thinks i deserve what im going through now all the time that im around them i feel depressed cause they don’t belive that i can do better and now at school all the time i have a problem in math or any subject i think about my parents and i end up panicking and failing I HATE THEM they never think im capable and now im not ……. What do i do😞

    • Anonymous says:

      Im 13 but im kind of feeling the same way, your parents seem overly strict and threatening, i just really want to get away from mine. They expect so much of me, but i really want to do my own thing. I told them id rather be happy than successful and they laughed at me, ive been depressed for 3 months now. My younger sister is always getting all the praise and i feel like giving up on life, ive been getting worst at whatever i do and the only thing that keeps me going are my friends, it doesnt make sense, i feel like im a failed broken human for feeling like this and it seems like everyone would be better off without me, nobody gets my situation and its so stupid anyway, just like me, ill never be anyone, and i shouldve stopped trying long ago

    • Anonymous says:

      I know parents at times can be unseeing you can talk to them and if they don’t care then consult a professional

    • Bill Hicks says:

      You aren’t alone. I think your parents are stupid too.

    • Vignesh says:

      Go for math tuition classes.
      I’m a guy who attends classes with a female teacher.
      I’m undergoing UG now.
      I wouldn’t have been able to clear microprocessor lab or c practical exam without 1-1 coaching.
      Search online for a tutor.
      They don’t charge much and you have to travel to their home.
      My teacher is soothing and helps me cope with the subject.
      You just have to find that special person to help you out with.
      That way you get a friend and a teacher.

    • Anonymous says:

      I am much older than you are, but I passed through a similar experience when I was your age (and at a younger age, actually). I cannot tell you what to do, since every home has its own system, how it works, but for me at some point I talked to them about it. I spoke up frankly, that I don’t feel appreciated, and that I feel their criticism is personal and not really about my performance. Their immediate reaction was not very smart, in the sense that they told me that I am stupid, how can I think that way, that of course they love me, that it is for my best interest..etc. I got the feeling during the conversation that they were being sarcastic, but after it things changed.

      I am now in my thirties, and I am a successful engineer (I struggled in math during that time, the irony :) ). I also have an excellent relationship with my parents now. Maybe I am not offering you a solution, but I just thought to share my own story, letting you know that you are not alone in going through that feeling. Blessings, :)

    • Anonymous says:

      13-year-old Anonymous and kayla, I want to let you know that you are not alone. Even though I don’t fully understand how you are feeling, since I have not been in such situations, I want to let you know that I love you, and care for you. I wish I could relieve you of your pains and problems. However, I can express my love, and care for you, and concern for your lives.

    • felge says:

      13-year-old Anonymous and kayla, I want to let you know that you are not alone. Although I don’t fully understand how you are feeling, since I have not been in such situations, I want to let you know that I love you, and care for you, and that I am concerned for you.
      I hope this helped at least a little bit.

    • Crybaby Joseph says:

      I’m sorry your family treats you like that.Do you have anything like Kik or Facebook you can talk to me if that helps I understand.My dad was a bad person he would yell,punch walls,take my mom’s money,he attacked and tried to kill my brother.After my mom left him she wasn’t the same.I get yelled at and blamed for everything.If I get one bad grade I’m in huge trouble she expects me to be perfect but I’m not I’m far from perfect every day I think of killing myself I can’t take this anymore but I’m trying.I can suggest music that helps like Twenty One Pilots and Black Veil Brides they help me….My point is that I understand you can talk to me if you feel comfortable,please try to stay alive and fight it.

    • JB says:

      Go to your favorite teacher. Right away. Speak from the heart.

  38. Anonymous says:

    Hi I’m here for any1 if u need sme1 to talk to just WhatsApp me 07496725414

  39. NobodySpecial says:

    I have been suicidal since I was around nine years old. But I never discussed it with anyone ’til I went to college. There, I saw a sensitive, kindly university health services psychiatrist who later arranged for me to see a woman she thought was one of the best therapists in Boston. Over the years, I’d see many therapists and doctors, try many drugs and therapies (including CBT & DBT), I’d even have bilateral high voltage ECT twice. And through the ordeals every single individual would PROMISE me things would get better. It was as if everyone else had access to empirical evidence I did not. They all knew that merely holding on and doing as I was instructed MUST translate into my getting better.

    I don’t claim to have more answers than anyone else, but I do claim two things: (1) I know my life far better than anyone else ever could, and (2) I am no less sane than the average human being–meaning I am competent to make judgements about whether or not I want this particular life.

    I won’t catalog here the nearly innumerable ways I’ve tried to change my life. I won’t detail what the major problems that drive me to suicide have been/are. It is enough to say, honestly, that for more than 25 years I have tried earnestly EVERYthing the experts have told me, and things have only gotten progressively worse. Far, far worse.

    Have you ever noticed that when “the community” comes upon someone under 25 who is suicidal, there is an immediate rallying to point out to the person that everything will get better and they must hold on? Yet when those teenagers turn into me, decades later, hundreds of thousands of dollars poorer for having invested in therapies and drugs and professionals, and are even more suicidal, this elicits either impatience (“You’re an adult and you haven’t figured out life yet?”) or utter disgust (“Ewww, you’re old. Hurry up and die already.”). This to me speaks to the hypocrisy of the anti-suicide pundits.

    Oh, I remember the first time I called a suicide hotline. I was a freshman in college. My roommate was gone, and I was alone in our shared study room, on the floor, crying. I’d called my mom who swiftly gave me the “be-a-man” speech. I hung up the phone after that and called a suicide hotline. The call lasted less than a minute. The man (and I think it is important that the person was male speaking to another male, as I think a male operator would have treated a female caller differently) told me–I couldn’t make this up if I tried–that he was busy and had to get to other calls. Then he hung up. Less than a minute.

    I’d call suicide hotlines about six more times over the decades, and try online suicide chats and email services about six times, too. I got platitudes and barely contained boredom from the various staff. One woman even told me my problem was that I didn’t have any friends so I should get a cat.

    And then you enter your 40s. You’re old and ugly and useless to society–unless you’re very rich and very powerful. Even if you’re an expert in your field, you’re just a tool, like a trusty hammer. Friendships–not that I’ve had any–have faded and no one is interested in knowing you because you’re not hot-and-young. Everywhere I go I see young people laughing and enjoying each other’s company. I can go WEEKS without speaking aloud. My best friends are check-out people at local stores. I’m the nicest guy in my neighborhood to the UPS guy. I’m that person who has a conversation with the one or two wrong-number callers every year. Finally, you realize the biggest mistake you’ve made in life is listening to the experts. You could have saved yourself decades of pain, loneliness, isolation, shame, desperation… had you done in your 20s what you knew to be right.

    No, things never got better. They got much, much, much worse with every passing year. And the prize I won for holding on–for following the “experts’ ” counsel–is becoming invisible, despite the fact that my pain is greater than ever. No one gives a damn because now I’m just too old—and we all know that suffering is the natural lot of the old.

    If the only people who matter to us culturally are the pretty and young, or the extremely rich and powerful, and we refuse to create a culture in which people can reasonably survive (affordable costs of living, well-distributed resources, available jobs paying enough to survive AND save, treating one another with courtesy and dignity…), then it’s monstrous to demand that suffering humans whom we don’t care about and won’t help REMAIN alive and suffering.

    • Mihnea says:

      I would really like to hear your story. I don’t want to convince you anythingg, just to hear you out. I’m 19 and I had suicidal thoughts myself (but I’ve never been in real danger of committing suicide) and I have a few friends with depression or/and suicidal thoughts. I’ve always looked up to “profesional treatment” (but i’ve always said to myself that we can’t get anything without our parents finding out), so I’m just curious about your (new) perspective and about you in general. email me to mihnea_serban_romania@yahoo.com if you agree to tell me more. Even if you don’t, please let me know here or on my email.

    • Anastacia says:

      Hi NobodySpecial, I would just like to say I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said. Why put one foot in front of the other just to move a little further in a line you don’t want to stand in? We do only covet the young, they are not only good consumers, you can use them for marketing too! Life in modern society especially in places like America that are so socially culturally diverse, the only thing we really have in common is what we spend our money on…it has become our culture. But consumer culture is a desperately lonely one. So why follow along with it? Why not quit your job and travel across the country in a van (if you don’t have family to support)? Redefine what happiness means to you and make concrete changes in your life. Making these leaps probably is terrifying, and lonely (but you’ve had a lifetime of training to deal with the inevitable social isolation that comes with brave acts). I can’t say you will feel better, but at least you did something YOU thought would work and not some “expert”.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m sorry I feel as if I can understand similarities in your story

    • jlg says:

      The one surefire thing that’s made me step away from considering it even a little seriously is that…death could be worse. Whatever happens after could be…even worse than this.

    • Pjlmd51 says:

      I’m 51 and know exactly how you feel. I don’t want out because of a bad break-up with a boyfriend. I want out because life has pushed me shoved me slammed me around so much I can’t see straight anymore.

  40. UnsureOfThings says:

    @anonymous thanks for your comment, if you are being serious then I appreciate that… There is no button to reply to replies so I had to make a new comment :(

  41. Shawn says:

    My wife recently told me she longer loved me and we should go our separate ways. I’m devastated she is was everything to me. I dont want someone to walk in and find me dead. But would it so horrible to just walk out into the forestry and not be found. I can’t start over and the only time my mind and body are at peace are when I think of ending it

    • Mihnea says:

      I find it extreamly strange that thinking about suicidal makes me feel… at peace (these ARE the right words) but it does sometimes after a fight with my girlfriend. We can talk if you want, speaking with a good friend that knew how to deal with me helped me ease my pain. In my case pain faded in time as things settled down, but your case is not quite the same. Let me know how are you doing.

  42. UnsureOfThings says:

    I have been feeling suicidal lately, I have had the feelings on and off since I was in high school, I am now in my 20’s. I never had friends that were real, every person I’ve ever met has always tried to take advantage of me, or stab me in the back, the current friends I have now always exclude me and make me feel unwanted, everyone does, its always been like that. When I confided in my mother how I felt she told me the 10th thing on the list of what not to say to a suicidal person. She always says that to me when I tell her how I feel, other times my mom makes me feel so unwanted and unloved when she says how she can’t stand to be around me. I have no brothers and sisters, I have no friends, I have no one to go to for any kind of moral or emotional support, my whole life I’ve been rejected and discarded, a teacher once said things would get better after high school and I would find true friends, but I still have not found them, I only keep finding people who want to hurt me, its not just people in my age group who want to hurt me, but I’ve been hurt by people older than me too, even people 20 years older than and even 30 years older than me have hurt me, I have met all kinds of people in search of a friend and they all hurt me in one way or another. Someone even told me to put myself out there if I want friends, which I have done, but I only get badly burned by them, I met strangers on the internet and college and in the street, they all are the same to me, its been like this my whole life. My cousins all hate me too, I’ve got no one, I feel like a total failure in life because I should have a small group of friends or 1 best friend who I can go out with and see movies or talk to on the phone. My phone never rings, no one ever invites me to anything ever, I have done major favors for people I thought were my friends, I have gone out of my way for people to show I was a good friend but all they did was discard me, talk badly about me behind my back, steal from me, one blocked me, one beat me up when I was 17, and others stole from me.
    When I go out and see people with their friends, it makes me feel this awful feeling, like I know I will never ever matter to anyone ever, I feel so unwanted, I feel like I was only born to be hated, and that makes me want to jump infront of the next on coming train at the train station, and I feel like no one would even care if I did that.

    • Anonymous says:

      I hope you are feeling so much better now. You will find people in your life that will love you very much and not hurt you often. Even people who care about you a lot can sometimes hurt you, mistakes happen all the time humans are humans. But please do not give up, you will be happy. I wish the best for you and all struggling with awful feelings.

    • Anonymous says:

      I feel you more than anything. I am going through suicidal thoughts everyday and it is killing me. If you want anybody to talk with, I would do my best for you. I hope you get better soon…

  43. MrJohn says:

    Hello,

    Please help me, my wife is having suicidal thoughts, everybody in her work throws more work at her which just makes her feel worse.

    She sees no hope for the future and feels like she just hit a dead end. I don’t know what to do to help her.

    She’s not diagnosed with a depression, every doctor we go to just says it’s temporary and she needs to go on holidays but i know she is in a deep depression and i’m afraid she actually commits suicide…

    What can i do?

    • Emz says:

      Hi,
      I would probably suggest that you should try and get some form of counselling for her? If you can, try to organise a get-away for her sometime soon, even if it’s just for a weekend.
      Depending on the situation, you could also just be there for her, and support her so that she doesn’t feel too alone with her depression.
      Make sure that you have a proactive approach to helping her through these hard times, and if she doesn’t already have a good sleeping schedule and/or diet, encourage her to establish these. Exercise is another way to help relieve stress and promote emotional well-being.
      All the best for your wife and yourself <3

    • Suga's wife says:

      Hello Mr. John, I appreciate your comment in this page.

      Well, maybe I have not married yet and I have no experience in this, but some words could help anyone better than you think, right?

      I think, you have to accompany her as her husband. Such as telling her something good, something nice of life, the point of life. Love is needed in here. I know that you love her, so do that.

      If you could talk to her Boss, please talk. But maybe it is not that easy. And you can help her in home, when she come back home, you could give her a warm hug, and you could say “You did your best honey, let’s take a rest.”

      Get done all of her works in home, she might be impressed by your effort to prevent her from suicidal. And… Yes you can go vacation to free yourself. I mean, to remove your stress. You can yell as much as you want.

      Give it a time. Time is the best healer.

      God Bless You, John. :)

    • Anonymous says:

      I suggest you take her out make her happy get a job so she doesn’t have to work as much (I don’t know if u already have a job so) be there for her isn’t that why you married her u love her take care of her

  44. Emma says:

    Hi anyone who reads this. I feel for all of you out there – knowing someone who’s close to you with suicidal thoughts is hard.
    If you’re reading this and are contemplating suicide, please don’t do it. There’s always someone out there that you could talk to and get help from for this. Once you commit it, there’s no going back, and if you can’t see how things could possibly get any better go and get help from a professional. Good luck <3.

  45. Mary M says:

    I am a disabled veteran who lives in constant pain. I did attempt suicide in 2002..but it got better. My kids grew up. The VA finally started treating me for nerve pain instead of muscle pain. After being homeless, I was approved for SS and VA disability (36 years later)..I have grandchildren I never see enough of but truly enjoy. Then one day my adult son gets angry..tells me he is never speaking to me again and I should kill myself…so I am right back where I was…abandoned..lonely hurt..in therapy….the good thing about therapy..it gives you an actual mature adult to talk to other than a family member who is on your side…so maybe my son and I will forgive..or perhaps never speak and I will love him anyway because a mothers love is unconditional.

    • BEll M says:

      I’m so sorry you are going through that. I’m a single mom of 3, but they all grown to a point. Just las week my 18 year old try to commit suicide. She was with her dad, she is with me now. But the pain that this cause is ameizing. I’m still trying to find my self. And do to her act I lost my job and my oldest daughter is also doing what your son is doing. But I try to stay strong as much as I can. Is not an easy thing. Especially when I have to worry and care for her and also find a way to not lose my place, and help my 17 year old with his baby that will be here in September 29 and we don’t have anything oh and my car broke down. All this and so much more going on like I also have a lot of health issues. I did thought about putting an end to my life at one point. But somehow god has saved me. And here I’m still FIGHTING on my own but FIGHTING… There for I’m so glad that you can still keep on going. Don’t give up. And thank you so much for your service and god bless you❤❤❤❤

  46. Suicidalcupcake says:

    Sometimes, you can’t find enough courage within you to actually speak to someone. I have OCD, social anxiety and suicidal tendencies, which doesn’t help. At a certain age, there are things you can’t do that would help you, like leave the house, or take private phone calls. But if these mentioned things were said to me, it would make me more convinced to do it. Am I alone there aswell?

  47. cory fox says:

    HELP I’m talking to a girl right now who is determined to kill themselves weve been dating for a couple weeks but she has been getting bullied realy bad for years what do I do I love her

    • Anonymous says:

      can you talk to her parents about the bullying? they can help her, like, moving to a different school, or have them talk with the teacher or the bullies’ parents… but ask her first, would she let you do that?

      or just recommend her to find someone to talk to online, find ways to make her feel better, watch some promotional videos or do a “fight song” karaoke and just have fun together. Tell her that the world is not so bad, considering there are still many people trying to help with someone’s suicidal problems despite not knowing who they are :)

  48. Hated ghost says:

    I have told two people about my wanting to die. My most trusted said she’d be sad. Relief flooded me. Then she broke it and said: I’ll also be mad. So many people say that suicide is selfish. I know that. But I do know suicide is a way out. A way to end the pain. End the pain for others, and then yourself. No matter what you say, someone’s going to doubt you. Sometimes, it pushes you over the edge. It pulls the trigger. It tightens the rope. It puts the pills in your palm. It kills you.

    • Anonymous says:

      It won’t end the pain for others though. My family went through immense pain with my brother for nearly 30 years but we would all take that any day over his suicide. I don’t want to be selfish in saying that my love for him was more important than his pain. I know that’s not fair. I just want to be clear about that part of your statement. His suicide is more painful than anything else he could have done alive. I’m not mad at him. I get brief moments of anger but it never sticks. But I have that right. With his life, he also took part of me and my future. Why can’t I be mad at that for a moment? But I’m more confused and sad and hurt. Why can’t we tell suicidal people how we feel about it too? That we would be devastated. That it would shatter our world as we know it?.. People who attempt or complete suicide feel as though the world would be better off without them. Why can’t we tell them differently?
      I’m so sorry and sad that your friend’s words hurt you. But please understand that they’re out of love. And whether it is your friend, or a family member, someone loves you more than you could ever know. Someone’s life will be shattered without you. I hope you can find help that eases your pain. I can’t imagine that kind of pain. I only know my own pain from the loss of my big brother and the guilt for not knowing or being able to ease his pain. I hope your pain eases. I truly do.

  49. No says:

    My boyfriend said he wanted to kill himself and grabbed a knife and started to cut. I grabbed it out of his hand before he could cut deeper, how should I deal with this… he needs help

    • Anonymous says:

      “are my feelings not enough to keep you alive? maybe you think you’re worthless and all, but for me, you’re precious. Your flaws that made you feel disappointed in yourself? they are a part of you whom i love. And this scarred hands of yours, is going to be the only hands i’ll never let go”

      will this help?

  50. Anonymous says:

    It’s weird though because even though you don’t want to end your life, you somehow wonder the life your living in is still like hell and pain.

  51. J says:

    Thanks now i can kill without getting the blame thx

  52. x says:

    Thanks for writing this. I’ve felt suicidal in the past but also had a friend commit suicide when I was 17. Because of that experience, it’s really hard not to remind friends, when they’re feeling suicidal, that I can’t stand to lose them. I don’t want them to feel guilty but it’s been years now since I lost my friend, I’m actually in a better place than I have been before and I can’t afford to watch another friend I love die so soon.

  53. Nepra says:

    considering the comments are moderated before posting, I did see some very foul language on here. That is not respectful, and not necessary. Saying ‘f ing bull shit’ for example.. :(

    • Pjlmd51 says:

      You’re right. People severely depressed and thinking of ending it all should know and act better.

      Get over yourself.

  54. I have multiple chronic health problems as well as severe ocd and tics. Everything is too much for me, cant tolerate any stimuli at all, adrenals are burned out with long term stress. My body is falling apart and my last breakdown left me worse than ever. I am practically housebound and my life is a nightmare. I have no friends and no partner, been alone for many many years. Im in my late forties and suffereing so much.

    Drugs not helped, therapy not helped. Done everything… Health a mess through all the years on meds to try and help,. In fact now i have additional problems because of long term meds. There is no help, I tried everything. No social workers, no support workers, nothing. The NHS don’t have the funding anymore.

    Just the option of even more drugs… and they made me like a brain dead zombie who cant even think.

    I just want to die but can’t because I couldnt put my mum through that kind of pain. It would finish her off. I could never be so cruel. So I have to live in this eternal hell… hoping for a miracle. I ring the samaritans; and often make customer service calls, making up any excuse just to hear a human voice. I used to be in groups but too ill for that now. Meds just made me too tired to move.

    I am forced to live this hell, and all I do is break my heart crying every day and spend every night alone. the evenings are the hardest. I can talk to my mum during the day on the phone but she goes to bed early and gets really tired. I have lots of creative interests, but too exhausted and brain fogged to be able to do anything. Without meds I have panic attacks. Just reaching out… not asking for any help.

    • ana says:

      Hi there, English is not my first language… but i feel for you and your condition. Try to hold on to the parts when you love yourself. Eat something sweet. Maybe an old funny movie…

    • Rage Ryan says:

      Don’t give up my name is Rage Ryan and would like to help you anyway I can be a pen pal .maybe give out my number you sound like a strong fighter and think you still have Alot of fight left you just need a little nudge to get you positive

    • Sean says:

      I know you are struggling. I have often found music to give me relief. My personal favorite is Wilson Phillips…Hold on.
      God Bless

    • We could be twins.
      You’ve pretty much described my life.

      (Except for the fact I have no parents. But I do have a husband and children.)

      I’m hoping for that miracle painkiller and cure for Anxiety Disorders too.

  55. Monica says:

    I moved to a little town in Colorado a year ago and met my best friend here, Josh and his partner. Josh and I especially immediately bonded and quickly became the ones we both turned to with everything. Good or bad.
    Lately for Josh it’s been bad. Fighting with his partner. About to be evicted. He’d confided in me he tried to hang himself.
    Thursday night some very erratic behavior caused me to leave his home. He called and said his partner left too and asked me to come back. He had told me earlier in a text and phone call he was going to kill himself. He’s said it before and I would show up and he’d want me to drink with him and said I kept him calm and centered.
    The erratic behavior that caused me to leave happened with my husband present and therefore my husband said I wasn’t leaving by myself to go to Josh. Josh didn’t want my husband there. So I just couldn’t go. Truthfully I didn’t want to argue with my husband and I was just exhausted.
    Josh killed himself sometime after we spoke. His partner texted me 730pm Friday “Josh killed himself”
    I should have done so many things and I’m in shock. I haven’t even cried. I just want to be angry at him but I’m Finding myself becoming enraged at myself. That’s all I feel right now.

    • Anonymous says:

      From what you say .. It seems to me you have had a really traumatic experience… But I’m hoping that your husband is the most important relationship for you and you have appreciated his lead in suggesting how you were to respond to Josh’s erratic behaviour.
      You are not responsible for Josh … You are responsible for yourself and your relationship with your husband is of paramount importance…
      Grieve for Josh but don’t blame yourself… Josh did what he felt he had to do ..and that was his choice in that moment … He owns that moment… He would not want you to take that away from him nor hold yourself responsible for it..
      But I know you know the situation better than me and please forgive me if I have been presumptuous in my response…
      Go well .. Live as good and fruitful life as possible..
      Many Blessings xX

  56. Elizabeth says:

    I need to die for the pain and hurt would stop if I wish I had someone to tell I want to die

    • Anna says:

      Elizabeth I get it. Agony from the past sticks to the physical depths of my bones and has robbed me of my soul. I attempted suicide on 12/30/15. I intentionally took over 80 tablets (which I won’t mention because I don’t want to trigger anyone)
      Mind you, I weigh 100 lbs. I’m a very tiny woman. I was so SO sure that I had calculated the meds correctly (been nationally certified in pharmacology for 8 years)
      But low and behold, I didn’t die. I didn’t even go into cardiac arrest… Not once.

      My parents found me 18 hours after I took the overdose and slit the fucking hell out of my left wrist.

      I was within 6 hours of permanent liver damage due to my OD (intentional, I knew my liver would begin to fail)then a few days later the liver enzymes skyrocketed me to certain liver failure only for my body to recover just in time, again. Same thing happened with my mental state. I was completely psychotic seeing shit and hearing shit that wasn’t there. Which honestly I figured I’d be dead before that would happen.

      Long story short, you are so worth it. And I understand hating yourself to the point of demolishing your own identity.

      Just know I’m here
      -Anna

    • Please hang on. We don’t know each other, but I feel the same and hanging on because I dont want to hurt my mum. She would die of a broken heart, You are not alone, have a hug and warmest thoughts.

  57. Isla says:

    I’m 14 years old and female. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts since I was 8 years old and gave been swerving in and out of depression, I’ve never talked to anyone else about this anymore and I can’t take it. No one is picking up the help lines and hope lines, my parents would just think it’s a stage i’m going through as a ‘teenager’ but it’s not, sometime I just breakdown in the middle of class and have to make excuse like ‘I tripped or my cat died’. I can never get the courage to talk to anyone about this face to face and I’ve had absences of over 70 days at school due to extreme depression and consequently having to faking illness to my parents. I’ve started throwing up these past few months, extreme migraines and I cant get to sleep. My siblings are just stressing me out more and more and I can’t take it. I really need help someone, please. Thoughts of killing myself just keep on coming back like demons, and they make me guilty. What would my parents feel like if I committed suicide, they’d feel like they did a terrible job as parents but they are the most loving parents I’ve ever met and had, they just don’t know how to listen, again I please ask for Advice, guidance or/& help. Please.

    • Anonymous says:

      Please i beg u look for proffesional help…i just lost my little brother never knew he was depressed i wish i knew what was going trough his mind so i can have helped him out…now i beg u think positive stay strong u r really important i can assure u that…we r going trough hell right now knowing my brotger is gone and not knowing why….please love urself take care of yourself..God is with u…i hope u can take my advise and look for help …God bless u

    • Mustard Seed says:

      I think you made an important step in sharing how you feel. I don’t know you Isla, but your words touched me in that they told me something about the strain you’ve been under, and the burden you carry. Thanks for sharing this and telling how things are. You may not know this but your words tell a story that many other people can relate to making them feel less alone. In all of our lives it is this isolation that often takes us to the darkest corners so thank you for reaching out, keep doing this until you’re heard.

      It’s important to know that even though I don’t know you I would far rather you live. Reach out and keep reaching because there is no shame in your brave words. Tell someone because you deserve to live and by saying what you have already, you have told me that in your heart you want too.

    • Anna says:

      I’m so happy you posted how you are feeling. In all honesty, I am literally twice your age, and I remember feeling EXACTLY the same way you do now when I was 14.

      In my experience, my parents, at the time, reacted to my telling them I was depressed as you expressed: ‘oh it’s just a phase” etc.

      Here are my two mantras I probably say 400000000 times a day

      Nothing is here on purpose
      Nobody belongs anywhere
      Everybody is going to die (one day)

      Life isn’t fair and I have to accept that.

      My email is acurran1088@gmail.com feel free to email me ANYTIME.

    • Rage Ryan says:

      Isla I want you to think about your future driving having kids getting married graduation you have a whole life ahead of you and I know it’s hard being a teen going through these things but it does get better and I would talk with the parent you feel closest to and ask if you can talk and then just let it all out and ask them for help I promise you life gets better

  58. Christopher H says:

    My wife and my marriage meant everything to me a few months ago she began having a series of lurid extramarital affairs.

    In an effort to put distance between us she taunted me daily with facts and details of men she had met and things she had done and how much she wanted out of our marriage so that she could pursue a casual sexual lifestyle free of relationship or commitment.

    She told me that since we were still married we could still have sex but it couldn’t be about love because having to pretend she had feelings for me was repulsive but if I could manage to do it like a stranger she was okay with it.

    One day I put a gun to my head I told her “you’ve taken everything from me, the woman I love, my dignity, my manhood,..explain to me why I shouldn’t blow my brains out”.

    Her response was “you’d never do it because you’re a coward’

    She stepped back spread her arms wide, palms up and smiled at me,waiting for me to do it.

    It wasn’t until I realized that this is what she wanted that I stopped.

    Our divorce is going to be messy we live in Florida half of everything is mine I purchased our home with my VA loan so without me living in it she has to refinance it or sell it.

    My Suicide would have given everything to her and she would have looked like a confused victim and the families would have rallied around.

    About a year before all this happened she told me that the only man she ever loved was her High School boyfriend

    Coincidentally, a few months before, I had driven her to Mississippi to attend his funeral . He had shot himself in the head and died after his wife left him.

    I’m not sure if this is where she got the idea but in hindsight I feel like I endured over a year of emotional battery. A calculated and escalating campaign to drive me to suicide.

    The popular term is gas-lighting.

    It turns out that she had a plan B. She had gone to work after every argument we had had in the last year and written down the details of everything we said.

    She took a stack of papers about a half an inch thick went to the courthouse told them that I had attempted suicide with a loaded weapon that she didn’t feel safe living at home with me especially since I was aware that she didn’t love me and was having an affair.

    The State of Florida does not have temporary injunctions so they granted her a permanent injunction.

    I am never allowed to see or speak to her again and I’m not allowed in my home.

    She managed to secure everything just as if I’d actually pulled the trigger.

    Hindsight is a real bitch before any of this happened we went on our usual weekly date night and she looked so pretty that I took a photograph.

    Looking at the photograph the other day I realized that tucked in the center console of her car was a printed Yahoo map to the Titusville Florida courthouse where she got that injunction.

    It’s clear to me that she had plan A and plan B very carefully set in place I suppose I should be thankful I’m only the victim of Plan B. I’m wondering if plan C was to kill me herself.

    The man she was having an affair with was an ex violent criminal and meth addict she began bringing him to the drop-off point when I would visit my children and at one point she enouraged my eldest son(from a different marriage) to confront him in the parking lot of an abandoned restaurant.

    After they broke up this man later told me that it was her plan for him to confront my son to get me to cross the street violate the injunction and go to jail so that she could permanently take my younger children from me.

    Oddly enough this man with him she had the affair this is one of the few people who suffered through my wife’s plan as I did.

    We have become as near to being friends as is possible. He feels he was used by her because of his diminished mental capacity due to drugs.

    He also was told that we had been divorced for 2 years and he was not aware that not only were still married but that when she left his bed she returned home to mine.

    We were both victims we still talk occasionally on Facebook.

    • Beecee says:

      Christopher I applaud your tenacity! Don’t EVER give up and please fulfill your fatherly role for those children. Karma will catch up to that ex wife. As a woman reading this, she embarrasses me as a woman ! Stay focused and strong. And congratulations for surviving this brutal emotional attack.

    • kellie says:

      I am very sorry you had that experience and I hope you are seeking help and are feeling better now. I went through a divorce last year, nowhere near as bad but I too felt that way and he abandoned me when I said i did. It was not your fault and it does not make you worthless. I wish I could hug you and tell you things get better. I pray for healing and for you to feel loved again, with or without a partner.

    • Anonymous says:

      a lesser man would have killed her and i would not blame them, your story shows your strength of character, the fact you were able to share this is truly outstanding and i wish you the best, you survived a truly horrible experience and i could never imagine such pain and misery, i applaud your strength sir.

    • Anonymous says:

      sir, please take caution. I’ve heard so many news about people using their wife / husband to gain money and all that, most of them ended terribly. Planned murder is what i am worried about… what that women did to you might be just the beginning. Perhaps you could make a plan B as well, like secretly talks about it with families… or write secret letters about everything she had said or done to you and send it to your trustful friends or family members ( just in case if you won’t be there to testify ). I hope this helps?

    • BEll M says:

      I’m so sorry that you had to go through all this Christopher. I will never understand how bad women can have good man and good women have bad men’s. All I can honestly tell you is that you do your best to be honest and a good father. The truth will always come out. I am a single mom of 3(now 20 years old 18 years old and my baby boy not baby any more 17 ) and a grandma of 3 and soon #4 . I haven’t had it easy at all since my originally is mexico. Being in a country were you don’t have any one and were you are in an abusive relationship is hard. But my love for my children kept me on FIGHTING against everything that came my way. I’m not going to play perfect because I’m far from perfect, but I did try to kill my self several times but never made it, it always something happen that stop it. And the times that I did die (surgeries and car accidents)4 to be exact. The Drs made me come back to life. Now that my daughter 18 years old try to kill her self and swing how she was gone 3 times right in front of me and that I could not do anything to save her it made me realize the pain that the people that do love me would off felt. Is the worst pain ever to see someone that you love so dearly die and come back and die over and over again. I wanted to to take my life out me and give it to my daughter. Now I am going through a real tough situation because I’m still alone and dealing with this situation. There is times when I just feel that I’m going to lose my mind. Since I lost my job do to her attempt and my car broke down and don’t have the money to fix it. But I just hold on to god and I try to find ways to keep on going. As I try I found this page and that’s how I keep my self on finding ways and reasons to keep on going. You seemed a good person don’t give up. Everything happens for a reason something good is on its way. That’s what I tell me self keep positive even when everything seems impossible… I have fait in you… God bless…

  59. Miki M says:

    I am a,44 y/o wonan and I have been battling Depression, anxiety, ptsd, I have attempted suicide numerous times. My grandfather had successfully committed suicide, and my uncle had successfully killed himself with his wife. I have 2 grown children, and 3 grandchildren. I have been in and out of hospitals and been through therapy. my question if anybody can help is, How do I get help without medical insurance? I have a husband but can’t get any help from him, medical is too expensive for him to put me on his plan. I don’t tell him about my suicidal thoughts anymore because he just don’t care, examples I fired a gun but unfortunately missed and,his,response was “Are you crazy, I could lose my carrying permit” but the is when I’m at the place I am in now where you can’t even find one thing to hold onto,Saturday I was in one of them moods you can’t get out of and I told him how bad this is and I am going to kill myself his response to that one was why are you trying to ruin another night for me. But he says he loves me, yea okay. I did try to get help myself today because as empty and hopeless as,I am I do know what the impact of a suicide does,to the,people left behind. I called the suicidal help line, they gave me 2 phone numbers okay, I called and both places,will not help because I don’t qualify for Medicaid. Any suggestions I’m at the end of the line here.

    • M says:

      No easy answers, i wish i did. All i know is that as i am sure you know, depression runs in families. You need to stick around to help your grandkids. What if they end up with it? Who do they have to turn to? Keep their pics with you at all times. They need you!! ((Hugz))

    • Tom says:

      I wanted to reply to someone else who’d commented on your post, Miki. You know better than anyone else–about your own life circumstances–that there’s “no easy answer.” I recognize I’m projecting, but platitudes when it comes to suicide push me over the edge.

      But I can offer empathy. Whether intimate partners, spouse, or friends, everyone I’ve ever confided my suicidal feelings to has either lectured me in that patronizing tone usually reserved (why, I don’t know) for children who haven’t yet figured out something adults have; yelled or cursed at me (like that helps); or offered hastily strung together hollow, ineffectual platitudes. In either case, besides making things worse in the moment, either group eventually either disappears (total abandonment), or if they cannot leave, turns abusive–emotionally violent.

      And the suicide hotlines, at least for me, have been a joke. I guess they’re “staffed” by volunteers, so what can you expect? I’ve been hung up on, laughed at, told they were too busy to talk (even under a minute) and I should call back when I’m sure I want to kill myself (I couldn’t make that up if I tried), and told my problems are my fault because I don’t subscribe to the listener’s worldview.

      And let’s not talk about so-called professionals. Let’s really, really not start talking about them because then I’ll start either to cry or to fume.

      So, no, I don’t have advice. I think if any of us had good “advice” we’d have used it ourselves and wouldn’t be here now. But I get-it (capital-G). I’m terribly sorry any of us hurt so profoundly we’d rather cease existing than continue suffering. I’ve wholly abandoned talking to anyone about my feelings and thoughts about suicide. I’m as sure as a human can be I’ll commit suicide soon. In the meantime, I’ll do everything I can to be what people need me to be–smiling, appearing happy, sociable, well-adjusted, NOT-in-pain. And never, ever, ever talking about anything negative.

      Such is our modern culture. Be fine already or we’ll rip you to shreds. Being negative today is like the sign of witchcraft (was) back in our colonial era. Welcome to 21st century Darwinism.

  60. Dash Ethos says:

    I am an 18 y/o male who is currently taking up BS Nursing in a prestigious school. I have good grades, not that high and not that low. I am already a 3rd year nursing student. And right now, I have been feeling depressed. It got worse now that we are in a psychiatric ward shift (And yes, I dishonestly passed our mental health test).

    I have experienced depression since grade school. I was bullied a lot – not physically.. but verbally. And at that age I was already thinking about suicidal attempts. I tried to find out ways to accidentally die other than getting hit by a car or getting stabbed at night. I used to hide in between our mattresses so that I would get squished if someone would suddenly jump on the bed or something. Well, it was only the thing I could think of when I was a kid.

    I never got any help – not even once because I never talked about it to anyone except here (this is the first time I posted something like this). I don’t have a close friend. I don’t have anyone who is trustworthy enough to know this side of me. They all think I am a cheerful, lively, happy, good, smart, hilarious person who would never get depressed. For the past months, I cannot hold on to these emotions anymore. People keep saying “What’s wrong? I see you’ve gotten quiet lately.” That’s when I realized that I cannot control this sadness anymore. I want to have someone to talk to. But all I see are fake people who would tell everyone what I have been going through. I always think that I would be blackmailed once I tell anything about myself to anyone.

    I think about committing suicide wherever I go. I think about what would be the best way to die in this place or that. I want to have a suicidal plan, but I always think about the money spent by my parents since the day they prepared for my existence in this world. I do not have a very close relationship with my family. They are only for laughs and good vibes. I would never open up to them. I don’t think I can.

    I can say that I did not like my college program. I never knew what I wanted to be. I don’t know what I wanted to do in my life. I actually fail to see myself in 10 years from now. But, I know I want to have a house, a Siberian Husky and a family.

    I always think about who would cry on my deathbed, who would attend to my funeral and who would tell me that “I knew what were you’re going through. I wish I would’ve had talked to you when I had the chance. I’m sorry.”

    I hate people who negatively rants about suicidal and/or depression yet they are uneducated on this topic. I just want to punch their faces to say that “This is a real thing people like you underestimate.”

    Please tell me something to overcome this condition. We have already studied about suicidal & depression and sadly, none of them helped for me because the managements are for those who are already diagnosed with depression. Hence, we already know what to do with these kind of clients. But what about a person, like me, who has no one to talk to. And apparently, I do not want to talk to anyone face-to-face. I feel more comfortable typing here and waiting for an answer.

    • BC says:

      Dear 18 yr old male nursing student – please don’t ever take your life -every day is new and there is a reason you are here. You simply don’t know why yet and haven’t experienced enough of life to realize the importance you have here today or in ten or twenty years. Please do something for me – since you are a nursing student you may understand this … The brain cannot maintain a high stress state when it does one of two things 1. Physical things like sit ups , running , boxing ,swimming etc and 2. By using the brain to think … Like listing things… How many presidents can you name , math problems and the such ….. For at least 5-10 min consistently. When the urges take hold …. Have a plan or a go to activity you will do until your body helps you to stabilize again. Trust me when I tell you – being 18 and at the beginning of your adult life is extremely stressful for a lot of people – you are not alone !!! There are crisis centers everywhere – call them – they will talk any time of the day or night ….. I have to say … You are quite a thinker and have been for a long time. Please be patient with the hurt part of you and nurture it as you would someone you are caring for in your profession . It is a strategy that may work for you…. If you are afraid to socialize… Go to the parking lot of that club or gym and visit it a few times until you are comfortable – go in an just ask a question then sooner or later you will be ok to go in and people will talk to you – I know they will. Please stay alive young man … Someone needs you here I promise that to you….

    • MA says:

      18 year old male nursing student – I stumbled upon this website while trying to educate myself on how to help people who are suicidal. What to do and what to say. I haven’t gotten past reading what not to say, so I hope I don’t make any mistakes talking to you. I have to tell you, by the time I got to where you said you always think about who would cry on your deathbed, I was already crying for you. A perfect stranger is crying because of the pain you are feeling! Your words caused me to care. It’s understandable that you hesitate to open up to people around you if you feel they don’t really care, or won’t hold your confidence. I did note that they are asking you what’s wrong, but your instincts are telling you not to open up. That being said, can you rethink opening up to someone in your family? Are you saying if you aren’t happy and cheerful they aren’t interested? Have you thought about what’s the worst that can happen if you did confide and ask for help? You’re afraid nothing will get better by telling them, but do you think it would make things worse? My other thoughts are the doctors, nurses, and professors you must have around you who understand depression. You can’t turn to any of them? I’m just asking these questions so you’ll give your options more thought and maybe, just maybe, you’ll figure out where to take your first step in real life. You’ve already taken a huge step by confiding here. I’ve personally received so much help from opening up on computer message boards, and have close relationships with people I’ve talked to, but never met in over 15 years. Somehow it’s easier to talk to them and they know more about me than most people I have around me every day. It’s a great way to learn from people who have been through life experiences that you think you can’t get through. They’ve been through a lot and survived, and give a whole lot of insight. What worked for them and what didn’t. Even to just have someone say “I understand and I’m here for you” gets me through situations I don’t think I can handle. This is why I say opening up here in writing is a huge step. You’ve already heard from people who care about what happens to you! I hope you came back to check for replies. I love the advice about using your brain to think, and to get your body moving until you stabilize. Ok, so you asked what to do to overcome this condition. I know you can’t do it by yourself and you HAVE to figure out how you will get help. This isn’t sudden for you. You’ve been depressed since grade school. You need to be under a doctor’s care. Medication could be your answer. Medication kept me alive when I had a plan to give up 30 years ago. Now I’m married with two children, two cats and a house. I wouldn’t give up for anything in the world now. My brain stopped telling me I wanted to give up when I received treatment. I don’t know if anything I’m writing will help you. Like I said, I hope I’m not saying anything wrong. The reason I want to know how to help people is because I didn’t know how to help my brother and he didn’t make it. I didn’t even know enough to tell him to get to a doctor and ask for help, or just come home and let us help him through the steps. He didn’t ask our dad for help because he didn’t think he would understand. In reality, he would have taken immediate steps to help his son, even if he didn’t quite understand what he was going through. Please understand there is no shame in asking for help. The alternative is by far worse. You don’t have to feel this way, and I promise you suicide is not the only way out! Like BC replied before me, you can call a crisis center. They are there because they care. They know how to help you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    • Dash Ethos says:

      Thanks BC and MA for replying to my post.

      I don’t think I would be able to open up like this in real life. I know that there are people out there who would talk to me about my life, but I cannot bring myself to call them. I think I want someone to figure out me and this problem that I’ve had for so many years (I think this is the reason why I opened up here in a public website). Unfortunately, I highly doubt that that will ever happen. I just want a trustworthy person to confront me and tell me: “Let’s find a place to talk. I have nothing to do for today anyway, and you also have nothing to do for today, so we can actually talk for hours.”

      In reconsidering opening up to my family, I don’t think that will ever happen. I don’t want them to worry or change the way they look at me. Everyone, including close relatives, thinks that I am very happy about my life and the profession I got myself into. I told you: I am excellent in hiding away my emotions, especially to my family and relatives, because there isn’t something to be depressed about with them. I don’t want to change that. I don’t want them to think that, after all these years, all along, I am mentally ill. If ever, I repeat, if ever I would be admitted in a center for mental health, I don’t want anyone to know that I’m there.

      I don’t think there isn’t something physical for me to do other than exercise. I have been bullied plenty of times. While most of those, as I said before, were verbal, I was also bullied physically especially in sports – which is why I am not good in any sports other than chess, if you consider that one as a sport. And even in chess I was verbally bullied, even by my team mate’s parents. It sucks a lot, I know.

      One more thing about me is that I never (or most often) do not show my feelings of embarrassment whenever I got bullied. I think that made me a more bully-target person. I just smile to them while thinking about how should I kill them in my mind. They don’t think I get frustrated to them at all. Well, I don’t think anyone would think I would get frustrated, because I accept those torments about me and even enhance it more by telling everyone that I’m like this and that. This made me a jester in my late high school years until now in college.

      In the past days since my post, I have gotten worse. I have this almost-like-a-compulsion to reply very negatively or with relation to committing suicide. An example would be like this:

      A: Hell week’s coming, and after that, we would be fourth year college students. Isn’t that amazing?
      Me: Yeah
      B: God, I wish this semester would end already
      Me: (talking to myself yet loud enough for someone to hear) God, I wish my life would end already.
      A & B: (laughs out loud)

      There is some truth to what I said. I am not offended by that because, as I said, I am a jester. Hence, people would laugh at me and even thank me for making them laugh in the midst of stress. I also don’t really know if that is a compulsion or I just want people to laugh. Some people think that I am really going through something bad but not to the point of severe depression which may lead to suicide.

      Lastly, my grades are considerably getting low each semester since the 2nd semester during my 2nd year in college. Our grading system is 4, 3, 2, and 1. The number 4 is the highest that we can get while the number 1 indicates the lowest passing grade. I always get a line of 3 in my weighted average, but last semester, my average fell below 3. That is something unacceptable for me because in order to enter a medical school that I like, I have to get an average of 3 and up. I did not entirely like my college program, but it does not mean that I hate this profession. I am actually liking it now that there are more interesting courses than before. If ever my average continuously drops until I graduate, then expect bad things to happen. Obviously, grades have a great impact in my depression. As I get more and more depressed each day, I tend to become more and more inattentive and unfocused in everything that I do.

      PS: One more thing you should know when talking to people is that don’t ever EVER make promises, especially to people with psychological disorders. Not everything is absolute and not everything is possible.

      More PS: If you happen to know a person like this, please don’t hesitate to find out that person (fortunately, you would find out who I am) in these words. And, if you successfully broke the code, please form your words carefully before trying to speak with me, because trust is something very rare for me.

    • Anonymous says:

      Dear Dash, I came across your story while trying to find help in responding to a friend that I fear may be suicidal. I think it is encouraging that you are openly speaking your mind on this forum even if you can’t bring yourself to talk to your family. I can relate to the stress of nursing school as I am an RN myself. You are so young and life changes so drastically over time. Keep thinking about your positive dreams like wanting that family and dog. I am not a depressed individual but my husband struggles all the time with suicidal thoughts despite our very close relationship. Stress seems to be a big trigger for him. He once attempted suicide….just lost in his own thoughts that everyone would be better without him….So not true. He is my total soulmate, a wonderful father, and grandfather. I suspect you have many people that love you and it would really help if you would open up to them. Depression runs in families….even the weather can effect your mood. I dont really have any magic words, I wish I did. All I can say is to try to force yourself to focus on the positive. My husband just forces himself to endure another day because it is almost always a little less bleak in the morning. Big Hugs, Melissa

    • Anonymous says:

      I do understand, this is some fucking bullshit it always feels like if you say something to anyone then everyone will look at you differently and people who have never thought of this will never understand but what can you do every day is a challenge and it really does feel like nobody understands because those who do understand are also feeling the same way, what can you do but just keep it to yourself, its not like anyone will really take you serious, but this is the mindset that keeps us silent when there are people that want to truly help, just because they say the wrong thing at first does not mean that they dont get you but that you need to explain to them in further detail and keep in mind that not everyone will understand and that is ok you just need to reach out to more people than you are confortable with and they will help just because the first 5 people ignored you does not mean that the 6th cant save you, live with the pain and lift the world up one more day to see if that one person comes along that will help you carry such pain.

    • Dash Ethos says:

      In the past (not recently), I have talked in a group about my life and it failed. Apparently, it is a group I very much dislike, but due to our professor, I was forced to talk about myself to the group. My relationship with my group got worse. I felt more detached than ever. I think I just have to talk to the right people… but now, I don’t feel like getting in touch with anyone. Oh well, life is not gonna get any fairer, isn’t it? I just have to continue this damned life by flying with the crows and swimming with the sharks.

  61. alexk says:

    These things to say, indeed seem harsh in first place when i cope with demotivation (many times, recently). People respond “you just have to accept it, that’s life” or “Dont you see people who smile when they suffer so much” like i am stupid, and thats not THE EXACT thing i also think to feel bad.

    But on the other hand, they remain true. These are hard things to hear, but so is life.

    I actually gained much help to unthink about suicide scenarios, when i realized that i should treat it as a CRIME against my loved ones. Also, if i don’t want to “feel guilty” by reminding how i am supposed to try hard in order to live, and have no other sane choise, but also i hate lying and childish empty words about “optimism”, then what the hell am i supposed to hear??

    OK, i think i may disagree with you, because every case and person is different.

  62. Broken says:

    I’m 25, married, 2 children… My husband is in the national guard as well as in the FDNY. So you would think that I’m ok. The truth is that I’m not. I’ve been feeling depressed lately with no emotional help from anyone. The one person that I want to make me feel good, never has time for me. Or feels that I’m annoying. A mere hug that I ask for turns into practically begging. This hasn’t been my first time having thoughts of suicide. I’m running out of reasons to feel good about. He’s very successful, while on the other hand… I’m not. I’m a store manager who gets shit pay who if I were to divorce him…. Wouldn’t be able to make ends meet. Of course he’s made it clear that I wouldn’t be able to. Clearly I’m fed up. I try to remember the good times; but it’s hard to when so much pressure has fallen on me. I feel emotionally dead and worthless. I don’t know if it’s that I’m too needy or if he’s just too much of an introvert to give a shit. I need help but I’m too ashamed to do so.

    • Anonymous says:

      My husband has your same feelings. However we have been married a long time and I am slowly learning about depression. It is very hard to understand depression. I realize it is not me or something I am doing. It is a disease. Please go to a cousoler. Tell your husband what is going on. Like me he may not know what to do or how to Handel it . I promise there is help and you have a bright future a head of you. Please communicate with your husband. Good luck and a God bless!

    • Kakomee H says:

      Hello mrs. Broken I wish I could talk with you in person.you don’t have to be ashamed to hey get help.its never to late. I’m also a mother of two and my husband works in law enforcement. But I tell you there is no better love than the love of God.my children gives me so much joy.just being around them knowing that I have something of my own that I can love and that I know is going to love me back. I’ve always wanted someone to love me and now that I have my children they give me so much love.it’s not you. You’re not doing anything wrong you just want what you give to others.your not needy or worthless.women make it happen. If there was no you it wouldn’t be no him. There’s a reason for him staying put and that’s because he loves you. Right now he can’t see and cherish life because he’s so busy working that he’s probably tired and he knows he has a family.but you don’t need anyone but God.maybe you should go back to school or do something that you love to do.I wish just wish I could talk to you in person. I also work in mental health. Just know that just because you need help doesn’t mean your crazy.we all need help but in different areas of our lives.in love what I do and that’s helping people. Mrs.K

    • Lacy says:

      A child is better off with one happy parent than two unhappy parents. If you aren’t happy with your marriage then tell your husband, and try to work things out. If that doesn’t work then get out of the relationship. Money cannot buy happiness and where there is a will there is a way. You can do anything you set your mind to, including being a single parent. Any bumps along the way will only make you stronger. There is only one person who can make you happy and that is YOU! Your children are innocent bystanders in all of this. It is not easy living with the reality that your parent gave up and took their own life. I know this from lived experience. My dad took his own life and was not there to walk me down the isle when i got married, he did not get to meet his beautiful grandchildren. He missed out on so much and my children and i missed out on having him around to make priceless memories. Don’t think of the things you don’t have. Right now you need to focus on the things you DO have.

    • What your asking from your husband is taught to be seen as needy or clingy. Yet the truth of the matter is the ones who are like that, unless “truly crazy” are the real ones loving and genuine. The ones that act cold either are cold or are doing it as a façade to fit in.

    • Anonymous says:

      Tell him how u feel

  63. EMPTINESS says:

    i’m 20 Year Old Male

    I Feel Guilty That I want to die, Because of My Family, I’m Living Alone Now. My parents Already Kicked me out from house many times. They Always hurting Me. but i was doing the same. i know i’m not person who can be loved by someone.. because My Past Is So dark and bad.

    things i’v Done i’ll never forgive myself, i wish to throw away My past but how? it’s stuck in my head and every time i’m thinking and judging myself..

    i cant talk about that anyone because.. there is no justification about things. and it’s something worse than kill someone, or even it’s not something crime. my family i know they don’t care me anymore but they’ll hate me finally.

    now i’m changed and i’m wondering how i was living with my sins i did. how i was looking in my and my family’s eyes. if they were knew this before ohh i don’t want to imagine what they gonna do or think about me..

    now i’m living in my life.. life nothing more than mental illness, i’m not contacting my sister and non of my family members. i don’t want to they love me anymore.

    and these feelings and minds killing me and i don’t know why i’m still alive. i need someone, i’m holding in this painful life, i want someone who’ll change me, who’ll love me and trust me again.

    i want to start my life over but what about my past? It’s my 20’th Birthday and i wish i was dead when i burned in my 3’th year.. i’m nothing, 20 years wasted in hurting other people and helping my ***self. i’m working 10 hours in day and only 15Mins Break time… coming at home and sitting alone like zombie without any emotions.. i’m already missing human happiness. in this world nothing left to me.. only thing why i’m holding on is my family.. that i’ll hurt them if i end my life. but what? they’ll move on and they’ll simile again, they’ll remember me sometimes maybe. i want to push myself finally and end this.. not only because i feel pain also because i’m not someone who should live in this place.

    i want to cry, i want to smile.. smile truly and not for someone, i want to get told from someone i need you. but i don’t want to live in lie anymore..

    • Lacy says:

      There is nothing you can do to change your past. You can however learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, pick up the pieces and move forward with life instead of continuing to punish yourself. You are an adult now and it is normal for adults to live independent lives. If you have made changes to be a better person and your family is unable to forgive you then be at peace with that. You cannot control their thoughts and emotions but you can control yours. Think positive thoughts and get positive results. Think negative thoughts and you will get negative results. You cannot expect to make other people happy when you cant even make yourself happy. Learn to love yourself first and the rest will fall into place.

  64. Mara says:

    My boyfriend is transgender, and suicidal. Last night he talked to me, sent me a suicide note through email, and I ended up talking to him and promising him a better future, because I love him and I want the best for him. It always helps when I remind him that we can live together when we’re adults, and we end up talking until midnight or later. I do care about him and I want him to get help, but it seems his mom is all talk when it comes to that. He told me MONTHS ago that his mom was planning to get him help, and as far as I know she never has (and as he’s neither improving nor getting worse, I doubt she’s done anything), one of the first times he threatened suicide and I tried to contact her she never got back to me. She acts like she cares, but then she won’t get him help! He asks that I not mention it to his mom, and I’m starting to wonder if there are underlying problems in addition to his orientation and gender identity. I’m in the process of talking my mom into letting me visit him for a week this summer, should I be on the lookout for any signs of possible abuse or neglect? It seems she’s always favoured his younger brother a bit, but I’m very worried that something is up since he’s not improving.

  65. m1k3j0n3s says:

    It’s a long story for me but I am a 37 year old male, married, and a father. I’ve had countless suicidal thoughts in the past. I made not so well thought out plans such as; drawing a warm bath and sitting there holding a knife, staring down the barrel of a gun. Just taking myself there I guess is abnormal. Although to Me it just seems like perhaps I wallowed too long in my own misery and beat myself up too hard. But I took it too far finally I suppose. I have been trying to deal with a multitude of unresolved circumstances in my life. I won’t cry to ya’ll strangers about all of them. I do believe most of ya’ll are hear to give helpful advice but I don’t find it necessary because to some it may seem like a lot but others wouldn’t think my suicide attempt was warranted. I want to die so badly. I feel so guilty about it. I love my kids and wife. They love me too. I love my other family members as well and I know me going would enrage and devastate them. I love them so why would I do that to them. So selfish it seems. To me they wouldn’t miss me like they think they would and couldn’t possibly relate to my struggle because they haven’t been in my mind and lived my life. I will say that my marriage has been awful and my wife battles addiction now these days along with severe depression. People don’t know I’m depressed because I rarely say it if I do I never let on how bad it is and just keep chugging along. I decided to end my life a few ate ago after a rapid series of events that just overwhelmed me like I had never felt. Normally I might just crack a beer open or escape at work but I got laid off along with 60 others and quit drinking after a recent event a few days before my attempted escape to go be with God. It started after a series of events that I couldn’t resolve fast enough and so they just piled up with more waiting to join. I started weeping. At first uncontrolled, then for my wife to see how bad it was for me ( because I rarely cry ) and then uncontrolled while making an “Ooo and ohhh” noise mumbled to myself “She doesn’t care and nobody cares” Then I walked upstairs again and said to myself ( out loud ) “I’m gonna kill myself”. So all the while moaning now in a sad state with a pain in my chest like a mild ache of empty mess, like when you exhale completely. Maybe I was doing that unbeknownst to myself. I dunno. I blame myself for every little thing no matter if someone picked my pocket or I left my wallet in a public restroom. I would beat myself up and tell myself all the ways I could’ve avoided the outcome of not having a wallet and so it no longer happened. Some would say it’s good to do that but they don’t know of the abuse I gave myself in my own head. I must’ve done this way too harshly lately because I walked into my closet and grabbed a wire hanger. I sat under a blanket holding the hanger, thinking abusive thoughts to myself. In some part of my thought was how do I show others how I’m feeling so they comfort me. I needed love is all. Or a lot of money lol. But mostly it was just attention. Someone to take time out of their lives for that moment and comfort me. They couldn’t fix my problems and nor was I seeking a remedy from anybody. I just wanted to be able to get out what I was stacking up inside myself to someone that wouldn’t judge me for being weak, or call me irresponsible, selfish, mentally ill, unstable, crazy, a loser, and pessimistic. They just don’t understand how I felt. How I feel. I feel completely justified. I feel that I wish she hadn’t of come up there looking for me out of some luck because she rarely does and was napping on the couch downstairs before I went up. I sat there under that blanket hiding. Hiding from my kids if they were to come up. Hiding from the world outside my mind. Just Satan, God, the wire hanger, and I. I started twisting the wire hanger around my neck. I practice martial arts and am aware of cutting the blood flow and know very well the sensation. So I started slowly. Crying and turning the wire. I got it tight so that it was hurting but not restricting blood flow too badly and so I could back out I felt easily if I opted out. Then I heard her call my name. I thought well she’s looking for me so I should let her find me in this state so she sees that I need love. Minutes went by. She was looking all through the house but never the closet. She started opening doors and I felt that there was a good chance she would look in our closet. I twisted the hanger until I could feel pressure in my eyes and see the hanger bouncing with my heartbeat. I woke up to an angry and terrified wife. She said my head was purple and that she couldn’t believe that I had done such a thing. I hurt her, I didn’t think about the kids, there was something wrong with me, and she also said she loved me. Then she left to the doctors office for an appointment she had to get Suboxen for her treatment. I was just numb and hurt. She didn’t care with her actions. I know she was in shock but I just wanted a hug. Maybe to be held. I showed maybe the most vulnerable side of myself that I could muster up to her and she just hasn’t given me a hug or hardly a kind word since. It’s been three days. I haven’t left the house. I just have been her with her or my kids. Feeling ashamed and I just know I added 50 more problems to an already overwhelming multitude of them. She wants me to go to the ER. She knows I won’t. I lied and said I was just master bating, lol it’s not funny but she knows damn well what I did and I only say that when she wont stop caring on about me going to see someone. I don’t want medicine, I don’t want treatment, I don’t want to talk to some desensitized know nothing who wants to hand me pamphlets, prescribe me some BS meds, tell me what they’ve repeated to someone else that day, and then now I’ve got to deal with this whole new addition to my troubles. I just want to die. I just want to be loved. I just want to resolve all the issues that are weighing me down but instead I clean dishes or do laundry or watch tv. Now I’ve become OCD, pessimistic, and have insomnia. All of which I hadn’t been since that day. I’m tired mentally from lack of sleep, loneliness, and stress. Last night she left and said she and the children would not return until I sought a 72 hr somecrap that I don’t feel inclined to do. I’d rather just wallow in my own misery in loserville. She had the police come to the door last night to check on me. I just told them I was fine and for them to have a nice evening. Like I’m really going to confide in a cop when I won’t my own wife. Wow that was rich. So I want my family back. I need help. I’m a disabled Vet who has a 10% so I can get treatment there but I’d prob be waiting a month to get an appointment. I have insurance till the end of the month. But I just lost a 120k job and I was the only only breadwinner so with bills looming I dont feel justified spending the last of our money on my weak self. Im so sorry for this damn essay. I just want someone to understand the best I could explain so as by chance they could point me in a good direction per my circumstance. Please I’m asking for help. Will anyone answer my call? Thank you for bearing through my sob story, it was a bit therapeutic to get it out. May you all be safe and be loved by someone.

    • Kind Stranger says:

      I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way. I came here for help as the man I am dating confided in me that he has been having suicidal thoughts. Please know that it always gets better – and that YOU ARE WORTH spending money on to get better. I know that meds seem like a bad idea to you, but maybe it would help to get on some as you are beginning the job hunt. They can help just get things moving in the right direction in your brain for you to make the changes that need to be made. Sending you lots of love, internet stranger. If your family is a big source of unhappiness, I would say to get a divorce. Life is too beautiful and short to be spent miserable. You can get through this! Hugs to you.

    • Erin says:

      I’m truly sorry that you’re feeling so alone in this. I wish that your wife had been able to support you more effectively. I don’t think it makes you some kind of monster that you want to die despite having a loving family. I think that given your extreme situation, it’s a very human way to react. Frankly, you sound like a strong, level-headed guy that’s been through the ringer and just isn’t getting a lot in the way of support and love. It sounds like you’re under a tremendous amount of pressure and it’s taking its toll. I want very much to help you. I don’t know what the answer to your situation is, but I’d be happy to listen to you and help you work through things. Maybe help you find some free resources in your area if that’s something you’d be comfortable with. Maybe not a cop or a trained active listener haha 😉 But I know from experience that reaching out for some professional guidance can be extremely helpful if you’re feeling a little out of your wheelhouse, and it doesn’t make you a nutcase or weak, just a resourceful human. I think it’s important that you take care of your needs, too, if you want to maintain the ability to take care of your family’s. It sounds like you just need somebody in your corner. I’m not a desensitized professional, I promise 😉 Let me know if I can help!

    • just me says:

      M1k; Please please please do not hurt yourself. My heart and mind is crying to you right now. I am at work and have been wanting to volunteer my extra time to those who are at risk. I am so deeply touched by the anguish you describe and pray you realize there are people who’s paths you are meant to cross. The brain feel stress, as you do. If you 1. do something physical for 5 min, (such as sit ups or push ups) your stress level will be reduced. 2. If you do a brain exercise (such as time table or word find book or cross words) after 5 minutes, the stress level in your brain is reduced. The brain cannot tolerate high stress and utilize the above techniques at the same time. Please please do not hurt yourself. The devestation of losing you will envelope the hearts of those who have loved, do love and could love you.

    • m1k3j0n3s says:

      Thank you Kind Stranger. I pray the man you are dating feels better soon. He is lucky to have someone so caring to search for ways to help him. You are indeed Kind.
      Erin, I would absolutely accept any help you would be willing to give. It means a lot to me for you to offer to help point me in the right direction to get healthy. I had a bad night but this morning I feel hopeful. I don’t think this hopefulness will last very long. I’m just beginning to become complacent in this funk of a mental state I’m in. Thank you both.

    • m1k3j0n3s says:

      Just Me, I appreciate your concern. I have been doing some stretching and exercise the last few days and now that I reflect, because of your comment, afterwards I felt in a much better mood. I hadn’t correlated that relationship at all and I was unaware that I had helped myself relieve stress. Now that I know this or that you have told this information I will focus on that as a type of relief. It’s just so hard to motivate myself to do more than shower or do small chores around the house. Being lonely and without any transportation is hard to cope with for me. I feel very alienated by those that I thought cared about my well being. My wife has still held firm on her stance and has abandoned me in my time of dying. That hurts so badly. I have no way to see my children as she won’t bring them around me till I get professional help. My family lives hundreds of miles away and her family hasn’t even made a phone call or text to me and I know she has told them her side of things and what I’ve done. I can’t help myself feel so resentful. I feel so tormented. I just want to show them all that I wasn’t bluffing. That I need them. That I wish they felt I was worth the trouble. I feel like I’m obviously right to feel like I feel and that I’m evidently not worth the trouble. I’m not worse a day in their lives much less a few minutes. I don’t want their comfort if it’s not genuine anyhow. I haven’t told my family and I don’t want to. It’s enough that my in-laws have alienated me. I don’t think it’s wise to risk me having to cope with my family feeling helpless to comfort me and blaming themselves for my condition. I want to be amoungst those that care. I want to be alone. I want myself to care. I just need help. My pride is killing me. My confidence is waning and I just can’t bring myself to put any effort in my own self. So why should anyone else I guess. You can’t help those who won’t help themselves is a cliché people love to throw around recklessly. I absolutely need to do some work on myself. The task seems like far too much work than I wish to perform. I guess I will go do some push-ups. Thank you for caring enough to make your comment. It meant a lot that you gave me a glimpse of hope.

    • Little sis says:

      M1k3, now that I’ve seen what you wrote I’m glad you reach out to me! I wished we lived closer to you guys so I could have been there to give you the hug you needed. But know this I will always be there for you…remember mom’s motto the four musketeers! We were a tight knit family and we will continue to be…that’s what family does lift each other up and take care of each other! I love you so much! And will see you in a few hours.

    • AFVet05 says:

      I’m a disabled veteran. If you want help, you can go to ANY ER and tell them you’re a veteran and ask to be transferred to a VA facility. Addiction, hurt, depression…it all sucks…Ive been dealing with it all since 2004…the VA has some great programs to help you…if you want the help. I pray you will find the road that saves you…

  66. Anonymous says:

    thanks this helped a lot

  67. Anonymous says:

    Is it bad if I honestly want no-one to stop it, but I feel like I should tell someone for their sake?

    • Anonymous says:

      You feel like people will be affected by your decision and want to give the proper respect you think they should have.

  68. Anonymous says:

    It is a common misconception that suicide is the unforgiveable sin. Suicide is a murder of self, however Christian murderers are forgiven, however uncommon. The unforgiveable sin is denying gods existence not because the proof isn’t there, but you simply want to deny him, evidence or not, continued disbelief. Not to say suicide is any more acceptable now, but your christian parent, sibling, or friend probably ended up in heaven :)

    • Anon says:

      Well, as a person who’s had suicidal thoughts, plans but not attempts (because I got interrupted and then chickened out): suicide is not self-murder.

      I never thought I wanted to “murder” myself. I still don’t (thoughts came back recently). It’s just that when you have a mental illness like depression you truly believe that this is the only way all the pain will go away. It’s a reaction to intense pain. There is no comparison to how awful Major Depression feels. Like you are incapable of feeling good feelings. (I got As on my test but didn’t feel good. Instead I cried because I literally couldn’t feel happiness or pride in my work.) And then there was the pain. Think about how sad it would be if your youngest relative you are close to died. Then double that excruciating pain and you’ve got at least a LITTLE taste of what it would feel like.

      Just be careful with terms. Don’t call it self-murder. It’s not. If anything I would call it manslaughter. You aren’t in control of what your brain is doing to you and in reaction to that lack of control you plan your death. I wouldn’t even call it manslaughter actually. I’d compare it to having a Psychopath (mental illness) handing you a gun and telling you to either shoot yourself OR submit to horrific torture. Not self-murder at all. That implies guilt and intent.

      *Just to clarify to anyone else who is reading this and thinking: good. “Now I don’t have to be tortured anymore by my mental illness.” Imagine that your psychologist or therapist is an ultimate fighter. He or she can fight the Psychopath (or at least train you how to fight it yourself). Although your mental illness may not want you to tell. (Mine sure as hell doesn’t.) You have more than two options. The third option is to bring in your treatment team for support. (I’m being hypocritical here but I feel my situation is different. However, to other suicidal readers: tell.)

  69. Seeking Clarity says:

    While this article covers the gamut on what shouldn’t be said.. It offers very little help on what one should say or what actions should be taken when one is faced with the dilemma of hearing someone they may love or care about, speaking on taking their life.

  70. Mom loves ya says:

    Found out last week my freshman son in college tried to kill himself, i have talked to him and he wants to figure what if any steps he wants to take on his own. I feel he should seek professional help. Any suggestions?

    • Anonymous says:

      You can call the police always. If he would be willing to take medications, that has helped my brother who attempted many times to kill himself. Since he found a medicine that works hes been more stable but thats more long term. He need to go to the hospital if he has a plan to kill hkmself

  71. Broken Mom says:

    My kids refuse to understand my depression and have even turned their back on me at my time of need making it worse. I feel as if they don’t care and don’t love me. I have begged for help and intervention, sent them numerous links to help educate them and to learn and understand what I am going through. Now, my 25 yr. old daughter has move out of the country and my 20 yr. old son has shut me out of his life. Help!

    • Anonymous says:

      3 days ago and no one has responded? First time I’ve ever looked up this stuff. I’ve tried everything with mine and only medications have helped, and weed. If you haven’t tried them, it’s worth a shot. Medication at least. Don’t want to try to be some weed pusher. I think someone with education and experience in depression should be talking to you. I’m right there with you. Just had to chime in and say, I understand. It’s ruined so many friendships, relationships, jobs, you name it, in my life. You’re not alone. Guess that’s what this place is for?

    • Anonymous says:

      Hug

    • Anonymous says:

      Call your local community centre they will help you. I am a Social Worker and I care about you…reach out Sunny days are in your grasp…..

    • Anonymous says:

      I can be of no help I don’t think. I am going through a lot now too after my attempt. Which just added to all that I had before. I only wanted you to know that I feel like perhaps we have similar thoughts and feelings of helplessness with no one to hear or answer our cries. People don’t brlieve in depression. I didn’t really until a few days ago whe my wife saved my life finding me hiding in our closet with a wire hanger wrapped around my neck. They see us as weak minded, cry babies, and/or hypochondriacs who just want meds for an easy out instead of facing our problems. Our families think we only want attention and that we are selfish. It’s a terrible place to be in. Have you sought professional help Broken Mom. I love you and care. Please respond if you can.

  72. Olivia says:

    I’m a 13 year old girls who has thought of death for years. It’s just me and my mom. I havenf slept in years because i feel like something is watching me. I’ve wanted to end it for years now… The only reason I haven’t is because it would hurt my mom. I want to tell her but idk how and if I did she might just think I want attention or something. What do I do?!?

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Olivia,

      I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. It sounds like you’re living with a lot of fear and pain.

      Please talk to your mom. I know it can be scary and you don’t want to upset her, but think how much more upsetting it would be for her to find out later that you were hurting like this and she didn’t know.

      And if your mother doesn’t respond the way that you want or need, please talk to another adult, like a teacher, physician, minister, coach, friend’s parent – anyone who’s in a position to help connect with you help you need.

      You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) 24/7, and there’s a crisis “text line” where you can get help, too, by texting “GO” or “START” to 741-741. For other ways to get help online, by phone, or by text, please check out the Resources page on this site at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.

      Keep in mind that not sleeping (or not sleeping well) for a long time can lead to big problems, like depression and suicidal thoughts. Yet it sounds like stress is causing your sleep problems in the first place, so it can become a vicious cycle where you don’t sleep because you feel bad, and then you feel worse because you don’t sleep, and then you sleep even less, etc.

      Hopefully when you tell your mom or another adult you will start getting help for your suicidal thoughts, sleep deprivation, and fears about being watched. Good luck to you!

    • Jennifer Hunt says:

      It’s important that you tell your mom. She loves you. These are feelings that’s temporary and she will seek finding you help. It would hurt her worst not telling her.

    • dan says:

      Have you ever thought about counseling and there’s alot of help out there. it’s hard to express your feelings when your a teen I had the same issues

  73. Carina T says:

    Honestly I have felt this way alot and I never have told anyone cause I’m suppose to be a happy quirky weirdo so I try to be that but I honestly hate myself and I have had almost all these things said to me and it just made me feal worse

  74. Anonymous says:

    Hi, I love the perfect opinion that suicide is wrong. I am 60 years old, intelligent, healthy, and reasonably attractive. 50 of those years have, uh, sucked. Others were worse.

  75. Lindsey says:

    I have personally been called an attention seeker just because I will show that I am depressed. But what people don’t realize is that after holding it in for so long it gets hard to hold it in anymore. They say “Oh your not really depressed” or “You have a great life”. And I will admit, I do have a better life then others, I’m not abused at home, I have a place to live, I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach. But what about everything else. I lost my best friend when I was 12 to cancer. I have been physically, verbally, and emotionally bullied since 1st grade, I was being pushed into lockers, pushed into the fence, pushed into people, had things thrown at me, had rumors going around about me when I was in 7th grade saying that I was pregnant. But yet I was a virgin and actually still am. I’ve lost numerous family members since 2013. I talk my friends out of suicide ever night, then I go to school in the morning and people wonder why I freak out if one of my friends aren’t their. I have thought about suicide in the past and I have self-harmed. But the only people who know that are my family, and people that I have known for years. My best friend was the only one who tried to stop the bullying for me, but then in 6th grade she was in the hospital most of the year because she had cancer. I will never forget the day that I found out she had passed away, and she will always be in my heart.

    • Grant says:

      Lindsey I just wanted to say that you sound awesome. It sounds like you have a lot going on but it’s so nice that you look out for your friends like you do.

      My mum recently told me that she was considering suicide, that’s what’s brought me here. I wish my mum had a friend like you in her life.

      I’m so sorry to hear about your friend but keep supporting those you love and remember to look after yourself first and foremost!

    • TheFlash says:

      Im sure you might not think it’s worth anything… but im sorry to hear that, and even if its not worth anything at all… its the thought that counts right?

  76. michael, says:

    Life is all PAIN my mom is in a nursing home. My back Pain, my body is in Pain from top of my head to the tip of my toes. I’m on 26 surgery and counting .Fuck Life and I love my family. I HATE PAIN, I hate my self. !

  77. Thurman says:

    I believe a person would ironically be less likely to view suicide as an option if family and friends were honest and understanding enough to state that:

    Yes, by every objective measure the rest of your life will largely suck.
    Yes, you have presented objective facts that this is the case, and you are old enough (say, 50+) and knowledgeable enough to make such a determination.
    Yes, vague unsupportable claims that ‘things might/will improve’ are insulting.
    Yes, you meet every criteria that would make suicide a logical and sensible solution.
    Yes, we can’t offer any legitimate argument for not committing suicide but we want you to stay for our sake.

    Until we can acknowledge the dishonesty and selfishness of those who rail against suicide, I don’t think any truly meaningful discussion can take place.

  78. Jay says:

    I was diagnosed with BI Polar 2 disorder years and – I’m also told I have all the traits of emotion instability disorder.

    I’ve always been employed – I needed it and was proud of it. Lately my employer grew tired of me and how my condition has recently been more challenging. Hence the fact I got sacked.

    It’s been the last straw for me – I often have thought of killing my self, it’s been comforting to think of my way out. But now it’s thick and fast and each time the plan progresses , the plan on how I’m going to do it.

    Honestly, I can not discribe how bad I feel, all the time now. I’ve lost the last thing that’s made me , me.

    I have no friends – at all. And 3 members of my family who constantly worry about me. If I went eventually no more worry.

    • Taneesha says:

      Hi my closest friend ever is suicidal. Even thinking about this moves me to tears. We can only meet each other at school due to distance but school is closed for vacation, the situation is getting worse and I am not in the same country right now. There is also a less chance to connect with her and her family. I want to tell my mother about this but I am scared. Please help me.

  79. Ray says:

    I’m afraid to talk about my suicidal thoughts because there are a lot of consequences. For example I’m afraid my parents will think I just want attention or sympathy and they constantly ask after a stint if I’m suicidal or thoughts of hurting myself I mean CONSTANTLY it embarrasses me. I am a very angry person anything can cause suicidal thoughts or cutting, I used cut a lot . I feel I have no hope I know if I will continue like this I will DEFINATLEY kill myself down the road I need something or else something bad will happen. I need and want help

  80. Sabrina says:

    I am extremely depressed and think constantly about suicide😟I feel as though I have no one, not one person to speak to about my situation. If I tell my husband that I just want to die because I am so tired of my kids disrespecting me, my husband disrespecting me & never ever does he take my side with anyone regardless of the subject. I always supported our family until 2012, my husband has always had crappy jobs with NO benefits. I feel that the children have learned to disrespect me simply by watching him do it also he never intervenes when they do. I was raised in a drug house were I was sexually, emotionally & physically abused for as long as I can remember, the only reason it quit is because at 13 I became pregnant😟I had my son who was a child created by rape. I left home at 16 with my at the time BF who was good to me. As soon as we moved in together he started to physically abuse me, this relation went on until I started dating my now husband who I feel saved my life. Before I left my BF I did have a son by him at the age of 17. My husband and I have been together since I was 22, we have a 17 year old daughter and a surprise 5 year old autistic son. I am so miserable and feel that there is obsoletely no reason to live except for my sweet 5 year old who needs his momma. I have no friendships at all, even my family doesn’t speak to me nor do they love me. I am medicated and have been since the birth of my daughter. I have been to two different therapist, my medical Dr and 2 psychiatrist all within the last 6 months. I have been stuck in this deep dark hole for months and cannot seem to pull myself out. Tonight I told my husband that I wanted to die so badly and his response was “do it then, if you want to die so badly do it!” I have plans on how I can but cannot quit thinking about leaving my sweet 5 year old who completely depends on me. I am by no means a confrontational person and would never physically hurt anyone. I have always been so passive which people friends and family alike have taken total advantage of. Everyone knows that they can say or do whatever they want to me because no one will protect me and I have never been able to protect myself. My oldest son is an addict, my second to oldest joined the Marines and got a completely awesome job shortly after coming home. He got hooked up with a girl from his childhood school who he use to hate. She “accidentally” forgot to take her BC and got pregnant before they were dating a year! Me and this girl have never been friendly at all! She has tore my family apart even worse than it was! My sister who was my very dearest friend likes this girl and has completely replaced me in my son’s life. She cannot see how mean and spiteful this girl is and believes that I would not like anyone that my son choose to be with even though I loved his prior GF. I am not allowed to visit my grandson and my son hasn’t spoken to me in a year! I missed my grandsons 1st Christmas and his 1st birthday😥I have begged my sister to intervene and help me make things better with me, my husband and our son and his GF but she continued to say there is no hope. She babysits my grandson almost every weekend but I’m not allowed to see him. This is the number one issue in my life, it is killing me! My 17 year old is so mean that I sometimes forget that I actually birthed this child! She is disrespectful, mean and spiteful to everyone but seems to especially hate the site of me? I thought I did everything right with her, Girl Scout leader, camps, museums, zoo, soccer, softball, dance and anything else that she needed to thrive but she still hates me! I am baffled by it. I have 3 plans to take my life and could do it tonight! I first want to right a letter to the couple people that have loved me regardless. I also forgot to mention that I have several health issues which leave me in pain 24/7. Can anyone give me a reason why I should not get this miserable existence over with NOW?

    • c k says:

      Dont worry everything will be fine……just trust in god and god will fill your life with joy and happiness

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      C.K., it’s not clear to me whether this is your sincere advice to Sabrina or whether this is something you would add to the list of things not to say to a suicidal person! I certainly think these sentiments would be appropriate for the list of things not to say, as they dismiss the person’s pain, minimize their problems, and ignore the many people who trust in God and whose lives are not filled with joy and happiness.

    • Victoria says:

      U have to get on the right medicine, even if it means changing your Dr… don’t worry bout anyone or anything but caring for your 5 year old!!! God bless u both!

    • Anonymous says:

      I don’t know if this is the one post that I was reading. You had a five year old son, and you were abuse your whole life, your husband is a jerk.
      I’m thinking of ending my life but I wanted you too know your story touched me. I was doing research and almost decided too do it right now trying too post on this board. But if this post isn’t the one I thought it was, by no means do I mean disrespect too Sabrina.
      I hope you found peace.

    • Fraser says:

      oh my goodness, Sabrina. You need a friend! I’m so sorry your life is so hard. Find your way to neurofeedback Here’s a link to a great place near me. Caring people wanting to help. I agree you may need help. I HAVE BEEN THERE!!This is Neurofeedback, as provided by a center near me in Western Massachusetts. https://www.bandcenterllc.com/services/neurotherapy-treatment/what-is-neurotherapy.html
      It has pulled me back from the bridge so to speak. My sever anxiety and depression was drastically better after four sessions of LENS, two months and it was hard to detect where I was having trouble. I started running for the first time in my life and after not exercising at all for years and years. Look up providers in your area, under the names “Neurotherapy” or neurofeedback, or LENS Neurofeedback. This reduces seizure disorders–people can quit their meds!! Our daughter quit one of hers. People are curing ADHD–off meds! other resources…http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=130896102
      This article is good, but old. Neurofeedback is very well proven, non intrusive, so easy. American Pediatric Assoc. has fully endorsed it for ADHD and other treatments too, I think. and not just for kids.

    • pascal says:

      My sympathy. You need to get away from all these negative people and environment. If you give up your son for adoption and find a job in another town and live your new life make new friends. May be that would do a lot of good.

    • Taneesha says:

      You are not alone. There are people who care for you like your son. Try to stand up for yourself. Hope things get better soon.

    • kellie says:

      No she is wrong! I have autism and I have developed far more than anyone ever thought I could. I have friends, I am establishing my own business, and have plans to undertake a uni degree next year.
      Get your son linked in with disability services, visit your states’ autism association. It is not a death sentence, just a difference that is misunderstood. He might not be able to do much now but if he gets the right support he may be very successful. People can be so negative about autism. Get on the net, learn strategies to help manage it. It is just a different brain, and there is support out there. Don’t listen to anyone who has negative ideas about it. I was very obvious as a child, now I don’t let it limit me. I worked very hard and I have a good life. Your son can too. People often say negative things about disability but it can be a blessing and can make you so much stronger in the long term. If you die he’d just go into a home, he needs you here to help and support him. Disability services can show you how. It is not a horrible thing, it is just getting the right support. My email is kellsmassage38@gmail.com if you need to talk to someone who has experienced it in more detail. I will keep you in my prayers and hope you get some support. Your situation is not helpless and things can get better. There are solutions and ways forward. Hugs. Xx

  81. Yuko_Love says:

    When I met my boyfriend a year ago he opened up to me and I guess that why our bond was what brought us so close together was our depression and the way we understand each other perfectly fine (as just friends) the only difference is that he’s been suicidal since I believe he was in middle school. from what he’s told me and from his family and friends the same way like he is happier with me and I make him happy which makes me happy but it’s like every time something gets tough or something doesn’t go right or he argues with his family or just small things that to me is something I’d be upset and then get rid of but itll stick to him… it’s like the thought of him dying makes him feel like It will solve all the problems I don’t know how to speak to him I don’t know how to help him understand that life is important and that if he were to die a lot of people’s hearts would be broken and I don’t know how to talk to him out of it as if that is not an option I need help so that I can help him without involving people to where he thinks he can’t trust me. I saved him once from leaving town he had it all planned out to were it would seem like an accident when we were just friends but me accepting him as a boyfriend changed everything and now that I see his struggle everyday I want to help him but I don’t know how I don’t want it to look like I betrayed him I have no money for counselors I just need advice his life is very valuable and I want him to understand that . I know he’ll never do nothing to hurt me or try to commit suicide around me he will take his own life without hurting anybody else physiclly or putting any other person’s life in danger without nobody knowing what he’s doing and that’s what worries me that no one will ever know when he really is going to do it. I use to think he would say it just to say it like as a joke or to see who will care or to make people feel bad. But when he open up and told me he feel like everybody’s against him nobody understands him nobody cares for him when in reality a lot of his family does I know it has a lot to do with the way he grew up but I know that something tells me that he won’t do it but I don’t want to depend on that I want to be sure he will never take his own life hes not only my boyfriend but my bestfriend. I love to see him smile and hear his laugh and i just want him to be happy.

  82. I don’t know what to do. I honestly have a great life, but *something* keeps dragging me down. I mean, my boyfriend loves me, my family is so supportive, my friends are so great (not trying to brag about any of these people, I swear)… But something just keeps dragging me down, making me cut, thinking suicidal thoughts. I mean, I’m not even 18 yet. I really don’t want to end my life, but I’m always so depressed that suicide seems like the only way to end it. What do I do? How can I stop feeling like this? I just want the pain to end…2

    • Anit says:

      Hey I feel the same way. “Sadness is…having it all and still feeling pain” :/ :( I’m going through the same thing. What I do to get my mind off such stuff is to do what I love- Dancing, baking, talking, anything that keeps you busy. Or just note down all the positive good things that happened in a day in a diary and whenever you feel sad, just read it all over again. Instead of cutting, now I scribble my feelings on a paper and burn it. Feels better

  83. Efraim K says:

    Like many, I imagine, I’ve heard/read variations of the above potentially harmful responses to others who’ve divulged suicidal thoughts either in person or online countless times. I agree with the article’s author that none of these types of responses tend to be helpful, and instead can alienate the suicidal individual, worsening the very emotions leading her or him to contemplate suicide. Bravo, therefore, on the list.

    But down in the Related Posts, I read the titles of another advice page: “Better Mad than Dead: Keeping a Friend’s Suicidal Thoughts Secret.” For many of us the juxtaposition of the above article and the one referenced just now highlight an ideological, legal, and medical policy potential problem surrounding suicide, namely the question of the right of self determination. It’s a common enough debate that many will have already read several versions online or in print, but in the context of what not to say to a suicidal person–things that may exacerbate suicidality–surely the specter of having one’s freedoms usurped, and one’s very evaluation of one’s own life dismissed as merely pathology are other possible triggers of thoughts of suicide. Many suicidal individuals fear disclosing their feelings not simply because of a history of painful, destructive comments received as a result, but also because they are terrified of being locked away, made to suffer the indignations of involuntary commitment.

    So long as others are empowered to force adults who intend no harm to anyone else, and have no history of such, to behave and think in ways contrary to those adults’ wishes, the fear of the betrayal of the admission of suicidal thoughts will likely remain a potential trigger, and further, a disincentive to the very honesty the mental health community encourages.

  84. Anonymous says:

    Lately, one of my best friends has contemplated suicide. Well, to be more accurate, he’s gotten even more thoughts of suicide from more pressure weighing down on him. His family is very dysfunctional, to the point where they don’t even celebrate any birthday or holidays. Additionally, he wants to change his major, but his parents won’t allow him to. His grades have even started to drop, and his parents said that they would take him out of college if he gets any lower than a “B.” While he was weighing his choices, he told his parents he wanted to go to technical school and drop out of college, as a result his parents grounded him for thinking that way and took away his car privileges and phone. His mom especially puts him down saying “why did I have a son like you” or telling him other things that basically translate to “you’re worthless.” I don’t know how long he’s been cutting, but I know that he does, and doesn’t want to take my advice on using a rubber band to replace his cutting, and snap the rubber band on his wrist instead. I’ve emailed my psychology teacher from last year, I’ve talked with my brother’s friend who has dealt with friends who have had suicidal thoughts to get advice to help my friend, but I’m still at a loss on what to do. It seems I can’t do anything to help him significantly. I hang out with his as much as possible, take him to other places, text him every day to ask how he’s feeling, but I don’t know if it’s helping. I can’t always see him since he’s in college and I’m still in high school. Just tonight he told me he drank 7 advil with wine, and is feeling a bit drowsy, but I worry that he’ll take an even more dangerous amount. He’s been eating less, sleeping less, and does have his “happy” days and his “sad” days. Meaning that some days he’ll act as if he doesn’t have a care in the world, but then the next day he’ll be thinking about suicide over and over until it’s the only thing on his agenda. I don’t know if I can get much advice off this website, but I’m willing to hear any to help my friend out.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Anonymous,

      What an awful situation for you and of course your friend, but you are the one who wrote here so let me address your dilemma. You care deeply about your friend, you do not want to see him die by suicide, and yet you feel so helpless in the face of his suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

      The first thing you can do is listen nonjudgmentally. Without pushing your hopes for him to stay alive, let me him talk freely about why he wants to die. Based on your comment, I imagine you have been doing this already, but it bears mentioning just in case. It is amazing how much a suicidal person can be helped simply connecting with someone, talking freely about his or her suicidal wishes, and receiving acceptance, empathy, and understanding from the other person.

      And, of course listening is not enough. Efforts to help also are needed. It sounds like you are doing a lot that is good already – hanging out with him when you can, texting him to let him know you care and want to see how he is doing. You might also give him the number of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK), where he can get help from a trained hotline worker any time, any day.

      Ultimately, as you have discovered, it is up to him whether to seek help, unless he is in immediate danger of suicide, in which case I recommend calling 911 or the police in his area and asking for intervention. Seven Advil and wine can be quite dangerous. If someone called me and told me that they had ingested that, I would call for help. Naturally, alerting the authorities to his immediate danger might damage his trust in you, but he also might thank you at some point later for saving his life.

      For related articles, see “You Can’t Do Everything: Limitations in Helping a Suicidal Person,” and “Better Mad than Dead: Keeping a Friend’s Suicidal Thoughts Secret.”

      One of the hardest things to deal with in a situation like yours is not only your fear of losing your friend to suicide, but also feeling so helpless. And you are limited in what you can do. As I say in the first article linked above, do everything you can, but know you can’t do everything.

    • Anonymous says:

      To update on the situation, it’s gotten worse. His parents have grounded my friend for wanting to go to technical school instead of college and has taken away his phone, laptop, and car privileges. They even have him study at his Uncle’s house and keep him from going to any friend’s house. Therefore, I no longer get to hang out with him as much. I haven’t seen him in person for at least a week. Luckily, his parents haven’t found his ipod, which is the only means of communication I now have with him. I don’t think skype works on his ipod since it doesn’t work as well. He’s gotten more determined to go through with it, and I don’t know whether to rush over to his house regardless of his parent’s wishes or to confront his parents in the first place. Today, he said he went on a walk in the woods and stared at a rope that was hanging off a tree for an hour, deciding whether or not if he should go through with it. The only thing I feel I can do now is just listen to his problems, but it’s not enough just by doing that now. What can I do? I’ve tried to acquire all the help I can.

  85. Passer says:

    On 22 October 2015 on my birthday my boyfriend of 3 years (whom I love beyond myself) tried to commit suicide. I found him in the bathtub, while he had left the gas on or several hours in the house and had sprinkled everything including all our clothes with gasoline. He had poured gasoline on himself too but stung him so he decided the fire would be really horrible and went into the bathtub to wash and light the match from there. It took me a monstrous courage to go through to him and take the match out of his hands, we could have literally blown up together with the entire or half the building which was already full of gas. So he threatened my life and the neighbours’ as well. I called 112 and now he is in a psychiatry clinic, still not fully realizing the enormity of what he has done and that it ruined our lives forever. This coming on a background of being about to start a family, discussions about the future, good jobs, loving relationship etc. While I go see him every single day, it takes me even greater strength not to say anything hurtful to him. Because of a reckless act, everything went down the drain. Once you crack such an egg you can never stitch it back, no matter what happens. How could I not help asking him why in the name of this universe he could do such a thing? He and we had everything. Because of this depression and conspiracy theories his mind simply went aloof. But all the steps he had taken to kill himself were lucid. You don’t go buy gasoline without knowing what you do. Now he is also a public danger, I will not allow him to step into this house again. So how do I cope with a ruined future, love left for him and these dreadful haunting feelings of anger and anguish? How do I understand that this is just an illness? How can you not tell them they are selfish when they actually are? If we talked about doing this to somebody else and invoking the same illness, we wouldn’t excuse them so much. In my opinion they don’t deserve forgiveness although I desperately try to forgive him everyday.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Passer,

      I’m so sorry. How traumatic for you, for him, for everyone involved.

      I don’t know you and can’t speak directly about your situation, but I will say generally that often people who are mentally healthy look at things rationally and expect the person with mental illness to be able to do the same. And often, because of the intensity of the mental illness (or because of other duress to which the person is subjected, such as sleep deprivation or unrelenting emotional or physical pain) it’s not possible for the person to think rationally. It doesn’t mean that those around the mentally ill person shouldn’t – or don’t – feel anger about the acts, and the destruction. Very generally speaking, the anger belongs to the illness.

      Believe me, I know it is much easier said than done to be angry at the illness instead of the person. And people feel what they feel; anger isn’t wrong, one way or the other, though what we do with it can be very unhelpful not only to others, but especially to ourselves.

      Many, many people view suicide as selfish. I have an alternative view, which I describe in my recent post, “Is It Selfish to Die in a Tornado?” Perhaps reading it will help you to understand how a person can appear to embrace an idea that is so repugnant and destructive.

      I also wrote about forgiving a suicidal person in my post, “Do You Blame Yourself for Thinking of Suicide?” You’ll note from the title that it’s directed at the suicidal person, but it can also be applied to those who know the person.

      Finally, those posts advocate extending compassion to the suicidal person, and I am aware that at the moment you feel anger, not compassion. I do feel compassion for the suicidal person who is taken over by thoughts that he would never, if healthy, choose for himself. I feel compassion for you, too, for all you’ve witnessed, experienced, and lost. And I hope that you are extending compassion to yourself, too, during this extremely painful time.

  86. Herf says:

    Trying to stop the person at all is the best way to get them to shrug you off and proceed with their plans. If you genuinely care for the person, don’t call a service, don’t call the authorities, don’t try to remove their means of doing it, and don’t try to talk them out of it. If you care, stick around and just be with them and be understanding and supportive (yes, of suicide as a possible solution). Just be a buddy. If they still do it, they were going to do it anyway no matter what else you did, but at least you were a comfort to them in their final days. If you’re on their side, that’s the best way to make them reconsider. If you’re trying to persuade or even force them to not do it, they will cease confiding in you and do it faster. If you can’t be bothered to do anything supportive yourself, don’t shift the responsibility onto someone else by “calling for help,” just bow out and stop meddling. People get freaked out by suicide, but if you genuinely care for the person, support it. Trying to stop someone from committing suicide is far more selfish – it’s demanding that they endure something that to them is worth dying to avoid, just so you don’t lose someone.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Herf,

      I agree with you that the first things – and in many cases the only things – that a suicidal person needs are to be heard, understood, and supported by caring individuals in their life. Suicide still, even with progress made in recent decades, can trigger feelings of shame and regret in people. Being able to talk about their suicidal feelings without judgment or intervention from others can be healing.

      But sometimes love, listening, and support are not enough. Here’s where my opinions diverge from yours. You state that loved ones should support the person in the choice for suicide. If someone were tripping on acid and wanted to jump off the roof of a tall building, would you honor the person’s wish or would you try to prevent his or her death? If someone had a high fever and wanted to kill herself due to the hallucinations, would you hand her a gun?

      Those examples are extreme, because they are clear-cut situations where the person’s suicidal wishes will lift once the acid or fever leaves their system (assuming they were not already suicidal to begin with). It would be simplistic for me to say that everyone’s suicidal wish disappears so easily. But the wish does disappear for many people, whether due to changes in their lives, antidepressants, psychotherapy, support from loved ones, or the passage of time. Those people who survive a suicidal crisis often are then grateful to be alive. Knowing that suicidal despair is most often is temporary, I could not in good conscience sit by and watch someone die a preventable death.

      I can see how it could be seen as selfish if I asked a loved one endure suffering merely so that I did not have to suffer from their loss. I don’t view it as selfish, though, to try to keep someone alive who later, once the crisis has passed, will no longer want to die.

      As for people whose suicidal despair is not temporary, the pathway is less clear and the subject of much debate. I stand on the side of hope, but I recognize, especially based on many comments that I have received on this website from people who are “pro-choice” about suicide, that some people would view my hope to be misplaced and selfish. A person’s right to suicide without intervention is a deeply contentious issue, one that may not be resolved for many years to come, if ever.

  87. Anonymous says:

    My Daughter who is almost 30 married with 2 kids has been suffering from depression, anxiety and diagnosed with mood disorder for a couple years now. She has been hospitalized before and now goes to therapy twice a week but after many medication combo’s trail and errors just told me today that she feels like she will never get better and doesn’t know what more she can do and that she keeps thinking about her kids to Help her last one more day. I feel so helpless and don’t know what to say or how to help her. She is barely holding on to her job and has only been able to work maybe 3 months in 2 yrs. I think the financial burden is making it worse!

    • Anonymous says:

      SHE NEEDS A BRAKE OFTEN LET HER GO WITH A FRIEND TO DO SOMETHING FOR HERSELF.SHE IS PROBABLY WORRYING ALL THE TIME.ITS A VICIOUS CIRCLE. SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND BREATH . WITH A POSITIVE PERSON MAKE IT A WEEKLY THING SO SHE HAS SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. GOOD LUCK

  88. freya says:

    People are still not ‘getting’ mental illness, they just don’t. I have given up telling people I am depressed as the response I usually get is ‘pull yourself together, your life is great’ and rubbish to that effect.

  89. Anonymous says:

    After over 11 years of frantically trying to find effective treatment I’ve come to a conclusion.. . Some people commit suicide not because they couldn’t find the right help, but because there is no help for some people. I am one of them.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “Anonymous,”

      There is a quote I like: Hopelessness is a feeling, not a fact.

      And another: “Do not go gently into that good night.” OK, so that one has to do with someone who is dying without choosing to die, but it still applies.

      I hope that you will keep fighting. Please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you are in North America, to talk about other ways to feel better that you might not have considered yet. The number is 1.800.273.8255 (TALK).

      You can also find ways to get help by text, phone, email, or chat by visiting the Resources section of this website, at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.

      I am wishing for you hope and healing…soon!

    • Jacqueline says:

      So am I. I have no support from any mental health institution, after being diagnosed with BPD 15+ years ago, and recently telling my GP I feel suicidal.

    • Paita says:

      @Stacey: That is pretty much one of the most infuriating things to hear as a suicidal person. If someone brought me to your office and that’s what you told me, I’d get up and leave even more annoyed and hopeless than I walked in. Here’s *hoping* some constructive feedback improves your approach.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Paita,

      Thanks for the feedback. I’m wondering which piece of what I said is infuriating.

      I should clarify that what I write here is not necessarily how I work with my clients. Writing on a blog affords me as the author a lot more space to express myself than I have as a therapist. As a therapist, my goal is for clients to come to the answers themselves. For example, I have never exhorted a client to “not go gently into that good night.” I think that could be trite and minimizing in a session, but in a blog, where there is no opportunity to actually converse with the readers and try to elicit their own truths, inspirational quotes can be meaningful to many people.

      That said, I certainly do consider it important to help people to recognize where they are taking their thoughts as fact, instead of simply as thoughts. This is a key tool in cognitive behavioral therapy, which has strong evidence backing up its effectiveness in reducing suicide attempts.

      Finally, if a client were to find something I said infuriating, that is not necessarily a setback. It can be an opportunity for growth and healing. It’s been said that the real therapy begins when the therapist angers the client in some way. This brings raw conflict into the therapy office and allow for repair in a way that can strengthen the therapeutic alliance. The repair also might be a new discovery for the client, who so often is let down or rejected when disclosing his or her anger to another person. I do not go around trying to anger my clients, but if one is angry with me, it is something that I strive to work through with them in a way that models acceptance and deepens the therapeutic alliance.

      Thanks again for your feedback. It’s good to hear how what I write can be received, and if you do read this, I’d love to hear more about what, specifically, I said that was infuriating.

    • Jacqueline Schneider says:

      Paita, With regard to ‘hopelessness is a feeling, not a fact’ , which is what I am assuming infuriated you, I would just like to say that although hopelessness is a feeling it doesn’t make it any less relevant. When I first read it I thought ‘not a fact’ was demeaning the feeling but after further thought I agree with the quote and think it is actually being positive. Facts cannot be changed. Feelings however can be examined and challenged.
      I must admit though when I have been suicidal, if this was said to me I would have taken it as being negative. However in a different frame of mind, it actually gives me hope.

    • Anonymous says:

      I believe there is a solution to every problem on earth ,the solution is within every person …you will find two people with the same problem e.g a loss of a million dollars one decides to kill self another decides to work hard and make another million.The question is what can help you have effective life’s shock absorbers for different challenges …answer the word of God …it is spiritual …dont read the bible like an academic book ..a lot of problems are spiritual and people employ psychological approaches which are good but don’t solve the spiritual problem.

    • Anonymous says:

      DONT BELIEVE THERE IS NO HELP FIND HELP THERE IS PLENTY OF PLACES TO GET HELP. ITS YOUR LIFE YOU WANT IT TO GET BETTER RIGHT.SO GET HELP THERE IS LOTS OF HOT LINES AND ER S SO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE IVE SEEN PEOPLE IN VERY DIRE POSITIONS WHO WONT GIVE UP AND THEN THEY GET HELP AND BECOME WELL. BUT TRY POSITIVE THOUGHTS THE NEGATIVE ONES WONT HELP. YOU CAN DO IT.

  90. It is my decision, after trying to get help for 2yrs! Our Medical System feels Mental Health is too expensive it is better to build jails, where 45% of all prisoners are treated!

  91. jerry says:

    i only wish i did the job properly when i was a young man i wouldnt be so depressed now

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Jerry, it’s unclear to me whether this is your own sentiment or something that someone should not say to a suicidal person. Sadly, I suspect it is your own sentiment. If so, please take a look at the Resources page on this site for people you can contact by phone, email, or text to talk about your feelings of depression.

  92. Anonymous says:

    Here’s another one:

    “Don’t do anything stupid.”

    Hey, thanks! I’m glad to know you think I feel this way because I’m not intelligent enough to understand the consequences. A piece of advice: if you ever have another friend admit they’re suicidal to you, don’t say what you just said.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Great point! The person who says, “Don’t do anything stupid,” might be well meaning, but the point can come across as: “You are thinking of doing something stupid, and therefore I think you are being stupid, too.”

      It’s far better to seek to understand why the person wants to die by suicide, especially when the consequences are irrevocable and grave, and to listen and provide support, without judgment.

    • Anonymous says:

      That was funny. On the worst day, still being able to laugh and joke (even in my own sarcastic style) is a sign that it is not the last day. Respect to your smart wit.

    • Jacqueline Schneider says:

      I’ve had this said to me in the past, and the only word that seemed to register was ‘stupid’. Not at all helpful!

  93. Anonymous says:

    Unfortunately, despite the PCism of professional blogs and pamphlets and organization mission statements, many, many physicians and therapists still promulgate the prejudices and hurtful perspectives implicit in this list. I agree with most items on this list, but too often when neutral, “constructive” professional interventions fail, these are the prejudices some therapists return to, as if once the officially codified arsenal of therapeutic tools has been exhausted with no appreciable progress having been made, it’s human nature to seek intellectual and emotional succor in the common myths of emotional mechanics, regardless how destructively counterproductive they may be.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Well said, “Anonymous.” I agree with you that some professionals fall back on basic impulses to persuade and judge when confronted with a suicidal person. My hope is that more professionals will suspend their judgment and listen, understand, and provide empathy and support instead. Fortunately, a great many professional already do this, and for those who don’t, change is possible.

  94. Diane H says:

    Wish I’d found the time to read this post back in Oct now I’m without my husband of 29 years my soul mate .On that morning that changed my family for ever I made the mistake of saying a few of them :( guess my lack of knowledge and understanding of his pain and suffering we as a family have lost a truly amazing husband dad grandad .Doubt I’ll ever recover myself from this hell and if I could go back I would do anything I will use my hell to do my best to change society’s views on mental health cause we are all failing these loved ones .

    • Sandy says:

      I too Lost my husband to suicide. I said all those things but I also asked what I could do to help. I prayed, cried everything I knew to do. Nothing helped. I lost my best friend. Now I am suicidal. We were married 27 years. We lost a 19 year old son. Still had 3 children left. I thought we were happy.
      As happy as we could be considering our loss. Now he is gone, the children are grown and married.
      I have MS. I remarried. He is a good man and I do love him. I think about joining my best friend often. I miss him so much.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Sandy,

      I am so sorry for your loss and the intense pain it continues to inflict.

      “I said all those things,” you said of my post. So, too, do many other people whose loved ones do not go on to die by suicide.

      One thing I regret about this post is that family members and friends of people who died by suicide can use the material to blame themselves.

      Yes, some statements and judgments are best left unsaid.

      No, that does not mean that these statements or judgments actually drive a person to suicide. They might not be helpful, but suicidal thoughts are complex and driven by many different factors.

      How can I educate people about how to respond constructively without causing survivors of suicide loss to blame themselves and feel they responded destructively? That is a question for which I still seek an answer. Any ideas you might have are most welcome.

      I hope you are getting help for coping with your monumental loss. Please check out the Resources section on this site for support groups and other resources for people who have lost a loved one to suicide. You can find it at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#survivors.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Diane, I hope you will read my comment to Sandy, above. It applies to you, too, all of it, from my sorrow for your loss to my regret that this post opens the door for survivors of suicide loss to blame themselves. The sad fact is that even if you had said everything “right” to your husband, even if you had listened with flawless empathy and concern, he still might have died by suicide. Such is the curse of the suicidal process.

      Please, too, check out the Resources section I referred to above, for people who have lost a loved one to suicide: http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#survivors

      My apologies for my delayed response.

  95. Hopeless says:

    Was with a group of friends recently and one was talking about a mutual friend who no one had seen for a while who had suffered from a severe bout of depression. I sat there silently and listened to bewildered comments. “That’s so weird at her age (which is 40)” “she’s not a teenager. “Is something wrong with her mentally?” “That’s just not right.” I felt so ashamed. But I said nothing. The stigma is the worst part of living with chronic depression as an adult. People just don’t get it. Maybe they are right and I’m just weak. I hate that I can’t talk about it with people close to me. I hate feeling like I’m hiding some awful secret. I hate being ashamed.

    • Marty says:

      We shouldn’t have to be ashamed, but I understand what you mean. My depression is so bad that I’m on Social Security Disability. I paid into the system for many years so I deserve it, but when people ask what I’m doing now it’s embarrassing to say. We suffer from an illness. I hate the fact that you feel that you have to hide your illness. If these people are close friends they should know. Perhaps send them an e-mail with a link to how to discuss mental illness with friends and family and let them know that you do suffer from depression and that it’s the same as someone who has diabetes. It is a medical illness that can be treated, and isn’t contagious or a sign of weakness. If you can’t let the whole group know, maybe just one person. I’m hoping someone checked or will check on the person with the severe depression. Cyber hug from me to you!

    • Jacqueline says:

      I was at church last week and a ‘friend’ commented that she hadn’t seen me for a few weeks. I explained that I suffered from acute anxiety, depression and Borderline Personality disorder, and I hadn’t been in the ‘right frame of mind’ to go to church and that It had been a struggle just to get out of bed. She quickly made her excuses and walked away. I pondered on this for a while and then sent her an email asking if she had been shocked by what I had said. This was her reply:

      ‘No I was not shocked but angry that such an attractive intelligent person should be ‘addicted’ to this way of life. I didnt see you not ‘with it’ but I saw a caring and lovely person worthwhile in every way and felt a real connection with you. Please get out of this pattern and come with me. Being intelligent you need something more than the misery you are now choosing.’

      I was really upset by her reply. Her use of the term ‘addiction’ to this way of life, her comment ‘get out of this pattern’ and the worst was, the misery you are choosing.

      This was my reply (sorry it’s quite lengthy!)
      “I was quite surprised by your email. You used the term ‘addicted’, which to me, is a negative term. I am not addicted to this way of life. I didn’t choose to be like this. But a drug/alcoholic with an addiction chooses their way of living (to a degree) As they can decide whether or not to take drugs or rely on alcohol, they can plan ahead and say tomorrow I am going to buy drugs or alcohol. I have a mental illness which I didn’t choose to have. I can’t just think ‘I’m going to have negative thoughts tomorrow’. I have no control of when they will come. Likewise you say ‘Please get out of this pattern’ and ‘you need something more than the misery you are now choosing’. I find this quite insulting … I don’t plan these thoughts or choose to have them.

      “I have attached below some information about my illness, as people tend to make judgements without knowing the full facts regarding types of mental health issues, and hence it is therefore a ‘tabo’ subject. BPD is considered by medical practitioners to be a severe psychiatric disorder. It is recognised as such by the DSM IV.
      I feel people need to be educated more about mental health issues, and realise that having a mental illness is not something people want, choose, or plan to have.”

      I was taken aback by the fact someone could think of mental health issues like this, and especially a person claiming to be a Christian. It’s no wonder people with mental health issues feel they can’t talk about it. People need to be more educated.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Jacqueline,

      I’m so sorry you had this encounter. I have two reactions. One, I try to imagine if you had disclosed you had cancer instead of mental illness. Would someone then say that you were addicted to cancer? Or that you are now choosing to experience cancer’s pain?

      It’s hard to imagine. People do not choose to have cancer and, as you said so well, people with mental illness do not choose to have a mental illness. Nobody chooses to feel so bad that they can’t do the things they want to do. I’m quite certain that if it were people’s choice, then everyone would choose to feel good.

      My other reaction is one of sadness and compassion, not only for you, but for the woman who upset you. She clearly wanted to help, or else she wouldn’t have shared with you so many positive impressions she has of you, too. She said you are lovely, attractive, intelligent, and caring: “worthwhile in every way.” Those are not the words of someone who intends to do harm.

      I believe your friend might be a victim of misinformation and stigma herself. She clearly strives to be a compassionate and empathetic person. Because of the misinformation and stigma in our society, she might not be – or might not have been – aware of the harm caused by implying that people choose to be addicted to mental illness.

      Stigma doesn’t just hurt the recipient. It also hurts those that perpetuate it. Stigma, with its magnificent power to distort, limits others’ ability to help even when they want to. Stigma creates a false boundary between “them” and “us,” disconnecting people from the common humanity of “we.”

      EDITED: March 10, 2015

  96. Opal says:

    You should add to this list “All you are doing is looking for drama” You hear that one a lot too

    • Jacqueline Schneider says:

      Yep, that’s another!

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Oh yes, that is an unfortunate and all too common response, as well. It can serve to dismiss and minimize a person’s pain.

  97. Marty says:

    I was suicidal for many years. I had those things said to me. My last attempt was 8 years ago. It was all quite logical to me. Spare my family any further grief. My parents were both dead by the time I was 21. I had no children or significant other. All my brothers and sisters live far away. Yes they would be sad, but they would get over it as they all had their own family and lives. Yes, it was a serious attempt. I even made sure to leave my front door unlocked and extra food for my pets in case I wasn’t found right away. I understand the anger one of my sisters displayed after my attempt. MY anger came from the comments of “just wanting attention”. Really?!?!?! No, I just wanted the pain to stop. Some people will never understand. I’m considered passively suicidal now. I don’t have suicidal thoughts, I just really don’t care if I live or die.

    • Jutta says:

      Marty, I am so sorry to hear of your struggles and your emotional pain. My son suffers a lot in the same way and it is so hard for me to figure out what to say. I hope you have people in your life that show you that they care about you and to whom you matter, and that are able to stand by you and offer whatever help they can.
      I will say a prayer for you tonight. Hang in there.

  98. Gail says:

    My Husband and I lost our 31 year old youngest son. After suffering a severe on the job injury he had a problem with pain medication. He went into rehabs came a long way was finally able to return to work. He was out of shape when he returned to work, he was always at the gym prior to his injury. One night he suffered cardiac arrest due to hypertension and vascular diesease. My husband found him in bed the next morning. The worse day of our life, we entered into grief counseling immediately. Our oldest son arranged the first appointment after 1 year my husband said this isnt helping and became very despondent! I continued to go for counseling asking him to join me but he refused. One day while we were out he asked if I would be angry if he took his life! I was shocked, I may have responded wrong but I was still very vulnerable too. I told him how much I loved him and I wanted him with me we were married for 43 years at this point in time. I asked him to return to counseling even if he wanted a new counselor I would join him or if he preferred to go alone I would understand. He had abused drugs most of his life and felt a deep responsibility for our son. I always told him he was an adult and made his own choices, the counselor reinforced this also. He remained despondent told everyone he knew he wanted to die! Although we all tried to convince him how important he was to our two other children and grandchildren and of course to me he ultimitly overdosed. I still have feelings of guilt that I should have said something else. I will never know, I do know I miss them both and it has made my life very lonely. I focus on my two children and grandchildren. They have loss to much already so I try to stay strong and positive but there isnt a day I dont cry, pray and think of them! Im grateful for my faith, and the smiles on my grandchildrens faces!

  99. Jacqueline says:

    What I don’t need anyone to do: tell me it gets better, say ‘It’s ok, ask me why ever would I do that, take away my too, look at me with pity in their eyes, run away from my scars,ask me how I’m doing today, acuse me of wanting attention, tell me I need to deal with my problems differently, ask me if I’m suicidal. What I do need someone to do: Hug me without a word, promise that they’ll be there for me always, mean it.

    • Anonymous says:

      I went through those thoughts from a young person to an adult even yet, I have talked to strangers on the helpline in the middle of the night, spent days so alone and hard, I have had friends that have committed suicide or tried. thankful I was able to see the pain I felt the pain and there was times I didn’t and ask for more of what was going on yes I have heard every comment that was posted and if you think about it think again. AndI was lucky to have had friends that new something was not quite right with me, stayed with me, and any of those comments that was listed helps no one not a mother a father or a true friend unless you went through it, listen keep your mouth shut .. open your heart and ask God and the family can I do something for you. Because you have no idea, how they feel.

    • Anonymous says:

      ^^Agree.

    • Helen says:

      I agree with you. I was suicidal and it’s god damn hard and a dark place, anyway I wish you recover as I did.

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