10 Reasons Teens Avoid Telling Parents about Suicidal Thoughts

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Mother and teenage daughter sitting on couchTeenagers often tell me that they do not like to talk with their parents about their suicidal thoughts. Some teens do not tell their parents at all.

There are many reasons why teens lock parents out. The biggest reason that teens give me for not talking to their parents about their suicidal thoughts is a conviction that their parents will “freak out.”

While extreme fear, sadness, and concern (what teens might call “freaking out”) are natural responses for parents who learn that their child wants to end their life, teens need to know that they are safe, even welcome, to share their innermost thoughts about this most important topic.

Below are 10 more reasons why teens may not turn to their parents for help at a time when they most need help from their parents. The list aplies to parents of a teen who thinks of suicide but is not in immediate danger of acting on their thoughts. If a teen is in immediate, extreme danger, they need to be taken to an emergency room for safety and help.

Also, keep in mind that when a teen tells a parent about suicidal thoughts, almost everyone does something, perhaps many things, on this list. Most of these responses are instinctual and understandable. Yet they also are not so helpful for a teen who desperately needs to be listened to, understood, and in many cases taken for help afterward:

    1. Some parents offer reassurance or encouragement without first listening to what their child has to say. The parents may immediately say something along the lines of, “You don’t have any reason to think about suicide.” Teens who hear this often feel even more alone and misunderstood.
    2. Some parents become so overwhelmed with sadness and fear that the child ends up consoling them, without ever feeling heard.
    3. Some parents get angry with their child for thinking of (or attempting) suicide. “How could you do this to me?” they might ask.
    4. Some parents take personally their child’s suicidal thoughts: “If you really loved me, you would never think of suicide.”
    5. Some parents do not recognize that suicidal thoughts and behaviors frequently are a symptom of a mental illness like depression. These parents may blame their child, rather than the illness, for the suicidal thoughts and behaviors.
    6. Some parents do not take seriously their teen’s crisis. They may refuse to take their child for counseling or, if the situation is especially dire, to a hospital. Or they may choose to keep loaded firearms in the house. These inactions can make the teen feel uncared for or unimportant.
    7. On the other end of the spectrum, some parents overreact. They immediately rush their child to a hospital for evaluation without first listening to their child about their pain and plans.
    8. Some parents dismiss their child’s statements or actions as manipulative. “You just want attention,” they might say. (Even when suicidal statements or attempts are, in fact, a cry for help, that shows the person does need help! What a terribly dangerous way to seek help from others.)
    9. Some parents become impatient. They may ask the teen repeatedly, multiple times a day, if the teen is still thinking of suicide. This may cause the teen to say “no, no, I’m not” to stop being asked.
    10. Some parents become overprotective. After their teen discloses suicidal thoughts, the parents do not want to let their child out of their sight. If the teen is especially unsafe, this might be appropriate (although if they are that unsafe, a hospital may be even safer).

What Should Parents Do if Their Child Discloses Suicidal Thoughts?

First and foremost, it is important to listen. Really listen.

It is a natural response to want to talk your teen out of suicide, to react with fear and anguish, to do anything to keep your child safe. And there is a time and place for all of those. But what teens need first is nonjudgmental listening and exploration of their pain.

With that in mind, for advice on what parents can say and do to help if their child is thinking of suicide, see my post “If You Suspect a Friend or Loved One is Thinking of Suicide,” in particular the section on listening and exploration.

You may also find useful the post, “‘How Would You Listen to a Person on the Roof?'” 

EDITED: 4/24/2016

© Copyright 2013 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All rights Reserved. Written For: Speaking of Suicide

Photo purchased from Fotolia.com

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  1. Poolar Bear says:

    I am 12 years old and I cut everyday.

    I have anxiety—not sure about depression, everyone says I don’t so I guess I don’t—and it controls my life. Most of the time I wake up extremely early and fall asleep super late due to pure worries about school, classmates, and ridiculous stuff such as:

    Does my wobbly desk bother some people?
    Do I push my chair out too far?
    Should I breathe less heavily?
    What if I am blinking too much?

    And today, October 19th, we had music class. Normally I don’t mind music class besides the noise, but today we had to play a simple rock beat in front of the whole class. Everyone had to do it. Basically, I was shaking so much and so uncontrollably I had an extraordinarily hard time doing the beat, since I had no control. When I went back and sat down in my seat I wanted to cry. I wanted to run out of the classroom and smash my head in the lockers until I died. I wanted to go back home and cut. People around me were saying stuff that only made it worse such as:

    “You look like you’re going to cry,” no really? I couldn’t tell I looked like an absolute disaster!
    “You’re shaking really badly,” woah, I had no idea! Thanks for telling me because I couldn’t feel myself shaking.

    That’s just one class. Now through every other subject my head is bloated with worries and anxiety. I told my mom about my anxiety and she just says, “stop worrying.” I get that she doesn’t understand what it is like to live your life in pure fear, but come on. If I could just, “stop worrying,” I wouldn’t be living my life like this, would I? “Think of something else,” she also says. If I could just so easily think of something else, it wouldn’t be a problem would it? :(

    She took me to a doctor and I got diagnosed with anxiety. He asked if I did self-harm and I was honest and told him, “yes.” Then, I asked if he could not tell my parents which he complied. He then scheduled—well, really, my mom did—for me to see a therapist. Now, while my mom was setting it up, as it was my first time, the therapist talked about:

    If I did self harm
    What measure we would take
    How serious it is

    Now, I hate lying and I was just sitting there, encompassed by guilt because I know my mom would get angry at me or sad. She would be way too overprotective and make everything far worse. I would tell the therapist but she’d tell my mom…so…I’m kind of stuck and waiting for them to find out.

    P.S. Sorry for this being rambling and jumbled, I just am too anxious about everything and can’t think clearly. I forgot to mention why I cut and it’s because it relieves all thoughts and just leaves me blank. Also, I do it because I deserve it and should die. My brother and his friends + my cousins all make fun of me so…I really do deserve to die.

    • Anonymous says:

      hey, I’m 14 and can totally relate to this. but my mom acts like it’s nothing when i try to talk to her. once my therapist talked about me needing medication she stopped taking me. I self harm, she knows that, she also knows I’ve wanted to kill myself.

  2. Bappa says:

    I am 22 years old. My problems are……
    1)educational:- i)I was failed two times in intermediate Final exam (i.e-2012,2013), passed out in 2014.
    ii)l am Computer Science student. in this year I am not promoted to 3rd year.
    2) physical:-i)my height is 5’5″, I don’t worry about my height. But, my body is skinny this is 50 kg.
    ii)hair fall is my great problem
    3)love:-till now i am single, not any girl loved me.
    ………….so I need to do suicide.

  3. Christian says:

    My name is Christian and I’m obese I weigh 220lbs and have tried losing my weight for years I’m 13 and have tried to kill my self twice I’ve been told to kms several times and have been bullied several times it seems everyday even when I try to get help from my mother she pushes it off I beg her to get me a gym membership I begged her to take me to the doctor and see if she can help turns out I have hypothyroidism and am getting help now even though everyday she tempts me with these things I still havent gone to the gym its hard being obese and suicidal because it feels like there no reason to living I’m the smartest person in the school and I’m taking college classes but feel like I’m nothing and cry myself to sleep every night my father was deported and my little sister taken away from me I’ve been beat up and abused by my mother. BOTTOM line is if you’re a parent please take your child’s words seriously as I haven’t been able to be heard

  4. Zoe says:

    I am 14 years old and I am in 9th grade. For about two years now, I’ve had suicidal thoughts and felt sad and hopeless. I’ve tried to tell my parents multiple times, but they’ve always brushed it off and said I was just having a bad day. I can’t sleep for hours at night and get anxious for no reason. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel as if I am living outside of myself sometimes, and that I can’t control my own head. I’ve considered self-harming so many times, and I wear a elastic band on my wrist to prevent myself from doing so. I don’t think I’m at the point where I would truly commit suicide, but if I were to be in danger, I wouldn’t feel like doing anything to prevent it, if that makes any sense. If I were to die, right now, who would miss me? Who or what needed me here? I think about this constantly and I can’t come up with any good reasons for me to be here. I don’t see what my purpose is (I’m aware I’m still young and can’t do much anyway). My mom has called me “bitter, negative, and overly sarcastic”. I really do just want to die, to be gone.

    I just feel empty.

    • Anonymous says:

      You never know. You could be the person who saves the world. Imagine if Mother Teresa had left this earth too soon. You never know what impact you will have in the future. You are loved. I don’t know you but I love you. Stay strong and know you are important and you do matter.

    • Paris says:

      I understand what you truly go through. I’ve been going through depression for 2 years now. I’m 14 just like you and in the 9th grade. Have you ever have that feeling that no one will ever understand the hell you been through? Because I feel like that every single day. I do.

  5. Jovana says:

    Hi.I’m 12 in 7th grade and since the second day of school I’ve been cutting…I was bullied when I was in 1st grade until 5th grade same person…I asked my mom for help and she said to use kindness…didn’t help.I’ve tried to kill my self twice..by hanging myself… I’m fat hate my body..oh and did I mention my parents are homophobics and im…bisexual.. I know they won’t accept me so I don’t tell them I have a gf..my whole life is shit I’m always listening to music planning suicide or running away… Of course I’m never successful….I’m not as perfect as you think I am mom and dad…..

    -The dead girl


    well i can honestly say that i hate my life.
    i guess 70% of the problem is my mom she wants me to be this model kid. its hard when u r only in the 6th grade and stands below 60 in. tbh i try my best i do chores hang out w/ my brother whos in 7th grade
    but i also alleviate the pain in myself by watching a lot of youtube and playing a lot of video games. not like first person shooters but like mobile games. either way i read a lot (i used to sit around for like twelve hours at a time and read back when i was a lot younger either way those times have fled from me) and yah. back to my mom, she thinks i watch porn behind her back. i honestly dont. she also sez i dont read enough. hello this is lik 1~2 hrs a day!!! and not kids books but like, the big stuff, like war and peace. either way today she basically killed me. wanna know how then read on. so im just enjoying my weekend, and then i decide to go check my grades online on this website called powerschool its honestly really cool and stuff. so then i look. most grades are perfect — an a in intro spanish, computer science, english hasn’t been graded yet, but a in social studies, pe and student council. i have a b+ in math but thats fine almost an a anyways. but then my science grade, used to be a- becomes a b. HOLY SHIT IS THIS POSSIBLE??? turns out i didnt turn in some shit online — FUCK I DIDNT KNOW HOW but then i do it, still a b, but fuck its the best i can do. ok so then i tell my mom bcuz she demands info on my grades like any caring mom, mom i have a b in science but…and then she yells at me and hits me. im used to shit like that she hits me a lot but not hard but this one hurts not because its strong but because of her yelling. ok shit then i run into my room and im like shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit what do i do? doesnt matter anyways. ok then im like, i cant reverse this OR my life, my life is literally on the tightrope overlooking the fire that is my mom.

    ok now next 20% is like school. i told you about my grades and shit, but the way people look at me is disorienting. everybody seems to look at me funny. wul i guess its because of my weight im overweight im 94 lb here. i work out sometimes but i can never put in the exercise hours because im not like an olympian demigod which here is the norm. also im ugly and short as like a fourth grader. im not finishing this part because it feels disorienting to talk online

    next 10% is the rest. 1) is my mental disorders. im not adhd or in special ed or something, im in the smart boy/girl classes, but i am diagnosed with depression, suicidal tendencies, schizophrenia, anxiety, paranoia etc. almost everything in the box i also am too concerned with my body mass. 2) is the fear that im not good enough self explanatory?

  7. Anonymous says:

    As of now I hate my life. I spend most of my time as a fat fuck who has to fuck everybody’s fucking life up. I honestly don’t give a shit about anybody’ life. My parents don’t understand me, I listen to music, maybe rap, pop, you get the idea. Then they fucking shit all over me for having fun. Not convinced of my struggles? Then take this — I start checking my email for some school work or whatever, then I get ear raped by my mom who thinks I’m watching FUCKING PORN. I don’t! Maybe I watch some shit like South Park just because I have nothing better to do! I read, do homework, go to some outside-of-school classes, and I don’t know, cut? I was so pathetic that I cut my wrists with SCISSORS. But it HURTS. Not because of the blades inching into myself, but because of what I plan to do with my life if I don’t do it. I’m in 6th grade, I want to actually have fun in life, I don’t want some sort of shit going all over me because I’m fat, and I have no friends. I don’t fit in with the jocks, the girls, the jock wannabes, or the smaller cults throughout school. I have a brother who also doesn’t understand life but he just sucks it up, 7th grade, and he’s a certified genius. Me? I’m NOT. Jesus fucking Christ, I have no specialities in life. Maybe I can rap a little but nothing to show for all my pain in life.

    • Anonymous says:

      Please text me (do not call or else my mom will have a freaking aneurysm not really though) at +82 10-9568-1789. Having friends online would help since I don’t have friends in real life.

  8. Skyler says:

    Hi, your article caught my eye and I’m happy to say you’ve summed up my parents well. I was in my freshman year of high school when one day I got really upset for no reason, seemed like everything was going wrong. I spent most of my high school career feeling this way still do, but a few weeks after I started feeling this I started cutting. It started out with broken pieces of plastic that only scratched the skin….it slowly got worse until it was exacto blades that left my upper arms and thighs looking like I swam through barbed wire. I told my mom of course and she got angry, why wouldn’t she, but they punished me for doing it saying my reasons were childish and immature. I spent my Junior year failing two classes and get yelled at constantly for it, that’s when the cutting got so bad I went to the counselor who then called my mom who in turn yelled at me more. It escalated until I passed out in the shower one morning from doing it so much. It brought me back to myself and I talked to my dad who went through the same thing. Now I’m 17 going on 18, a senior in high school with a part time job and a social life… But the feeling doesn’t go away no matter what I do it creeps back up and rips the color from my world. I know this seems horrible or like most people’s stories out there. I just need to know if there’s a way to get help now without involving them because… I’ve started cutting myself for no reason or for small minor things. I want help but my parents don’t believe that depression or borderline personality disorder or ADHD exists, that things like are phases you’ll grow out of or emotions you’ll get over. So if there is even a chance I can get help without them being involved I’d love to hear about it. Thank you and have a wonderful day.

  9. Isis says:

    I am in 6th grade and i am home schooled, I didn’t originally want to be home schooled. I wanted to have a social fun life, my mom really wanted me to be home schooled at a website called FLVS. I didnt want to but i also wanted to make my mom happy. Then when school started i started getting distracted and lonely because all of my elementary friends were public schooled and i was home schooled also to make matters worse, my BFF moved to Texas and i really miss her. I havent talked to any of my friends in 3 months and i am starting to not like my life very much. I dont want to live unhappily so i started thinking: why live at all? And then i started thinking about my parents and that what would they say? And so i thought that they would be angry and sad that i would be dead. I dont want that to happen. I dont know who to tell that i have bad depression. I feel lonely and sad and misunderstood. I dont want to tell anyone in my family because i feel like they will judge me and think i am making this up just so i can get attention. I want them to take this seriously and understand what i am going through. What do i do?

  10. M says:

    I have been very sad for about 3 years now. I tried to tell my parents, but they just told me it was an excuse for my laziness, and that I only acted sad for attention at home. No one took me seriously until my grades dropped from straight A’s to straight C’s. It felt like my parents didn’t care about how I felt as long as I was making the grade, seeing as they didn’t try to help me until I was near failing. I went to therapy weekly for about 3 months, but my mother felt cheated, as if she wasn’t good enough to talk to. I explained that I originally wanted to talk to her, but she brushed me off, and the second time sent me to some stranger. Of course, I had finally formed a bond with this amazing not-so-stranger, and felt like I really had someone to talk to. My parents then told me I was “playing the victim to avoid any responsibility.” It’s been 2 months since I stopped seeing my therapist, and I feel even worse than before. I don’t even feel like I’m living my life anymore, it’s like I’m watching someone else live while I’m trapped on the outside and feel nothing. I don’t want to eat or sleep, and I cry at the slightest hint of stress. I tried to talk to my parents again, and they said it was just my hormones, and Aunt Flo is probably just around the corner. I hate that my feelings are always minimalized because I’m a woman and “all woman are moody.” I repeatedly have stated that it feels worse, and my teachers have noticed a change in my usual playful behavior. I just wish my parents would notice and try to talk to me like my teachers do. I don;t like to talk about these feelings, because I have been made to feel stupid for feeling them on multiple occasions and often feel that they aren’t valid. I just want to know what’s wrong, so I can stop hating myself and be happy again.

  11. Maddie says:

    In fourth grade, I didn’t know I had an assigned seat on the bus home from school so I sat with my friend, when the teacher got on she yelled and me, and told me to see her at lunch, she never told my friend to, She spent all lunch hour yelling at my face, I was crying the whole time. After, I was sent to the office and had to talk to the principal. After, my friend told me that the fourth grade teacher convinced everyone in her class that I was an evil girl, I got bullied continuously, I’m constantly battling suicidal thoughts I needed to post this today because I started self harm today after I told a teacher and they didn’t care, I’m showing my counseler tomorrow my cut

    • Vishnu says:

      You should report this vile (female?) teacher to the authorities (police or child services). This is verbal assault, targetted harassment and bullying. You can tell the Principal of your intentions and if an amicable arrangement can be found.

      If I told that to my parents, they wouldn’t have a given an F about my problems. They’d probably side with the teacher because somehow I was always to blame. Now that I am an adult and I look back at my childhood, I know I was never to blame. I can see my parents and my teachers for what they are: obnoxious little shits. So basically I was brought up by children and I had to be my own adult since the age of 9 (when my grandma died – the only person who slapped her daughter (my mum) when she was being a bad parent).

      Hope you get well. Ignoring losers helped me a lot while growing up. I just focused on my education like some autistic stubborn child, which is good because I always had good grades and all on my own. Would you believe me if I told that my dad would slap me at 11pm because I was doing my homework instead of sleeping? Yes. This is the kind of shit I had to live with. I was all too happy to leave home at 18 and a half. My parents can bury themselves for all I care.

  12. Soph says:

    I’ve been bullied since about the second grade for different reasons verbally as well as physically. When I was 10 I started self harming, despite not realizing it was thing other people did until about a year later. My parents argue a lot and have almost gotten divorced several times, but haven’t. I feel like I have depression, but my parents probably wouldn’t take me to a hospital because they wouldn’t find it as a serious thing or think I’m making things up. I’m almost 15 now and I still self harm occaisionally and have suicidal thoughts, and I’m not sure what to do about it. In middle school I had a great teacher and I guess he could tell something was wrong, I told him I was fine even though he probably didn’t believe me. I didn’t say anything because I knew the school would have to tell my parents. I somewhat regret this now. And I feel like I should go and talk to him about it because I have no courage to tell my parents or anyone else and they could do it for me. But I feel like it would be weird to do that, given that was in middle school but he’s the only person I feel I could trust with it. Recently school has started and it makes me feel horrible about myself and I don’t have any motivation to do anything. I’m not sure what to do or who to tell. It’s been years and I feel similar about all of this and it’s not going to change unless I die or get help and I don’t think my parents are going to do anything.

  13. Peasant says:

    When I was about to turn 8 my mom and my sister told me what I wanted for my birthday, I told them I wanted a puppy as my best friend and it would always be there for me. The next day was my birthday I just got picked up by my mom and sister, I thought we where going home until my sister told me we where going to go buy something in the car. I got out my homework as we where driving to that curtain area, I started coloring pages until I tooked a(n) hour nap and we finally arrived. My mom and sister told me to go out the car with them and when they knocked on the door I saw a lady telling us to come in. At first I didn’t know what was happening, until I saw puppies and I got so excited! My mom told me which one do I want, and I said”All of them! ” My sister laughed and said only one. I started looking for my best friend and I finally found him. He was a French poodle named Popeye, a dog named from my favorite Spanish tv show. My mom told me to go with my sister outside while we wait for Popeye to get certain shots so he could be healthy. When all that was done we putted him in the car, and I just was so excited I started petting him. My mom stopped at PetCo to get dog food. We arrived home and I showed him every room in the house. The next day, Saturday, my dad was home and I woke up early to show him my best friend. At first I didn’t show him right away until I told him. He said”show me the dog” so I went to get the dog from my room and handed him my friend. He pinched him and I said”WHY ARE U PINCHING MY FRIEND!” he said he has to check something to see if the dog is ok, so i calmed down. A few amazing weeks went by with my best friend, I just got home from school and checked at the backyard. I couldn’t see him through the window, so i asked my mom”Where’s Popeye?” She replied”He’s probably laying down somewhere.” I replied back to my mom”Oh Ok can i have Mac n Cheese?” She replied”It’s nearly done.” The day passed and got home from school and asked the same thing and got the same answer. On Saturday I heard my sister fighting with my mom”What if we’re never going to find Popeye?” “We will find him.” “What about Angie huh? We cant always tell her that Popeye is always outside, she likes the dog sleeping in her room mom!” “Your dad is trying his best to look for him.” “If we don’t find him what do we tell Angie?” I stepped in the room crying “What do you mean by not finding him?” I ranned in my room placing my pillow on my face while my sister comforted me. The next morning, I was outside with my dad playing with chalk and drawing on the side walk. I saw my best friend, and I was so happy I didn’t even told my dad I just ranned across the road to hug him. I saw scratches on him from other dogs and carried him to my dad. He told me to get a opened box and put it in the truck so we could take him to the Dog Doctor, another word of vet for me. As we arrived the doctor checked on Popeye and talked to my dad about his condition. My dad told me “Honey, Popeye is going to stay here for a few days, but we could always visit him when ever you want to.” I said “ok :(” knowing that he wouldn’t come home. We always went and visited Popeye every now and then when i get out of school. One day, my sister picked me up early and tooked me home. She said if i wanted anything to tell me crying. I said “I want Popeye to come home! :)” When she was about to say something my parents got home crying. I asked them “Whats wrong?” I didnt get an answer but they where hugging me while they where crying. I started to cry cause if I see someone crying I cry. Until my dad finally told me “Honey You know that when someone dies and that is important to you, they never leave right? ” I replied”Yeah dad” “He will always be with you taking care of you when you sleep.” Replied my dad. I started crying and said”Why did my best friend die? ;(” My mom told me that he ate things that he wasn’t supposed to eat and cause of that, he got bugs in it and tooked over his heart. “I want him to come back Mom! Tell God to bring him back to me mommy! ” She told me “God has powers but he can’t bring back the dead. ” I started crying and crying. Everyday I always prayed to God to bring him back to me. On my birthday I always wished for him to come back until I lost hope. I’ve had depression since his death I never thought of him as a pet I always thought of him and my Best Friend and a son.
    -R. I. P. A Best Friend To A Caring Little Girl, Popeye. A Little Girls Best Friend And Only Friend That Really Cared <3 2012-2012
    A true story about Best Friends

  14. Peasant says:

    I’m just 12, and I’ve been telling myself that if I die, I would not change anything in the world I would only make my loved ones suffer. Many people and friends tell you if your okay people that actually care know that your not, and they try to make you laugh, happy, and not even think about suicidal thoughts. When I tell my parents, not now but soon, that if they love me will they change if I would die. Many people don’t like telling their parents cause they are scared of how they would react, just ignore them, or not even understand if they are serious. Don’t be afraid to tell someone if they really love you, they will listen.

    • Billy says:

      Sometimes my suicidal thoughts disappear after a meal or after watching a funny Youtuber doing his skits on Youtube. I don’t know why the thoughts come back every so often… and how fat I will become just to push these thoughts away.

      Somebody advised me to take up physical exercise (doing enough until I am all sweaty). They told me that after the pain of the exercise, my body would release a natural drug (endrophines?) which will make me happy, and then the thoughts will never come back. Their philosophy is that unhealthy peeps have these thoughts (unhealthy as in people who don’t exercise. You can be slim and suicidal.). I think I will give PE a go.

    • Zoe says:

      I don’t feel like I would change anything either.

  15. Anonymous says:

    I have been feeling really depressed lately and it just keeps getting worse. Also, I have been feeling suicidal! Currently I am in a boarding school, which I hate. I want to come home! My parents have shared custody; which is why I am still at this school. I told both of them that I feel suicidal and depressed and what not… But my dad just said to stay strong! I then told him, again, that I wanted to kill myself! Then he said that if people would hear what I was saying that I could be taken away from my parents and sent to an “insane house”! I CANNOT wait any longer!! Again, my suicidal thoughts and depression are getting worse! I don’t know what to do!

  16. Cat says:

    I told my parents I am suicidal. They won’t get me professional help. I probably do need it though. I have been feeling worse since I told them.

  17. Anonymous says:

    5 people natural dead in 8 years, all I want to hear is Avril Lavigne – When your gone. Somebody please tear my walls down.

  18. Brandi says:

    I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety when I was 14, my mother believes I’m bipolar but doesn’t want me to take more medication than I have to. I hate that every single time I take my meds I just want to swallow the whole bottle. I havent had the best childhood, but it definitely wasn’t the worst. My biological father left when I was 3 months old, so obviously I never met him. He ran off to Montana with some girl but sent me letters. He told me how he loved and missed me but in the letters he sent to my mom he said how if my mother didn’t hand me over to him he would find us and kill both of us. I was only 3 or 4 when he was sending the letters so obviously I never knew he was saying that to my mom. In one letter he sent a picture of a baby that was supposedly my sister. In the last letter he said he was moving but never gave an address to mail anything to, so we stopped writing to each other. Years later I found out it was because he went to prison for trying to kill someone. But after that my five year old self just accepted the fact that I didn’t have a dad. I spent most of my time with my grandma because my mom worked during the day but partyed at night. She brought a new guy home every few nights. I got used to the sounds of them having sex in the other side of the wall, which I didn’t understand then. But then one guy started coming around often, and all the other guys stopped coming around. That was when I was seven. He lived about an hour away and he was a total deadbeat. No job. No license. 4 kids. Didn’t have any of them. Lived with his mom. And an alcoholic. And my mother was pregnant with his kid. So my mom being the stubborn person she is got him to straiten up his life. He got his license, a job, he stopped drinking, and within a few months with the help of my mom, a house for all of us to live in. After that my “step dad” decided to fight for his 4 kids, which he lost for slapping his wife whole while she was holding their youngest baby and going to jail. Well those kids mother was now a druggie and abusive. Him knowing that decided the kids were gonna “visit” but when their mother came to pick them up he locked all the doors. Around this time is when my youngest brother was born. When I was 8. My mom being busy with the baby paid no attention to the fact that his four children were bullying me about not having a father. I called my step dad, dad, because I thought the idea of having a dad that I could see was the most amazing thing to me. They told me that I couldn’t call him dad, he wasn’t my dad, and treated me like the outcast I was. Me being 8 didn’t take it so well. But it stopped after a few months. That’s was when my step dad started drinking again but it wasn’t too bad. For a little bit everything was good. Then when I was 11 my step dad oldest kid, a boy a year older than me came into my room that night. He molested me for 2 years every night. I was too scared to say anything to anyone because I thought it was my fault, that it wasn’t a big deal, or that my parents wouldn’t believe me. I told one person and that was the 3rd oldest who was a girl. I told her what happened, she’s 2 years younger than me. At one point I stopped sleeping unless I was sleeping with another person by my side that I felt comfortable with. I felt like an object, not a person. In middle school I didn’t care much about my first kiss like most girls. He already took it from me. I felt like every single boy wanted me for the same reason. My body. I had (and still do have ) decent sized breasts, a flat stomach, and long legs. Whenever boys asked me to be their girlfriend I said yes. Whenever they leaned in to kiss me I let them. And whenever they wanted to do anything else I didn’t care. Once I was in 8th grade (about 14) I started to realized i was worth more than I thought i was. I started to respect myself more and actually found a decent guy that didn’t just want me for my body (who I’m currently still dating) . Then was the time my sister decided to tell the school about how I was molested. So i talked to the police and told them what happened. But not all of it. So not much happened except the officers told my parents. Then my dads drinking got worse. When my mother wasn’t home he told me it was my fault, and that I was a slut. I was devastated because I never thought he would ever say something like that to me. My mom never believed me. Then one day when my mom was actually home he decided to flip out on me. I remember having an attitude (like any other 14 year old) and got him angry. He told me he wasn’t afraid to beat me. That he had gone to jail once for hitting a girl and he wasn’t afraid to go again. He told me to pack my bags and leave. So i packed my bags and started to walk out the door and that’s when my mother grabbed my arm and told me to get back in my room and just say okay to whatever he says. I realized my mom let it all happen. She didn’t care about the threats he made to me and it hurt. I thought she would have stopped him. I was so upset that I didn’t even care about leaving so I walked back in my room and just laid there. He came back about an hour later and apologized like it wasn’t a big deal. Then I found out my grandma had passed away. I haven’t said much about her in this comment but she was amazing. She was my best friend. I love her more than I love anyone. I took her death really hard. Then I started high school. And I took a lot of music classes. Music was something I could connect to. My music teacher is amazing. He knew just by the way I acted, that something was wrong. He pulled me aside and talked to me. He asked me questions and could tell what the answer was before I said it all because of my body language. I told him my parents were fighting because of something with my brother. I told him the cops were taking care of it. He sent me to a counselor. I told my counselor I didn’t tell the full truth when I told the police about my molestation. He then called DHS (department of human services) and I talked to a social worker. I told her the rest of what happened with my brother. That was about a few months ago from today. He is facing federal charges for what he did to me. My step father’s drinking hasn’t stopped. I get told by him that I’ll be pregnant soon. I know I won’t though, I’m almost 16 and I know I’m better than that. But the thing is I don’t want to live. I know my life isn’t wonderful but it isn’t the worst and I have no right to be depressed. People have it worse than me. My problems are nothing compared to others. But I’m still depressed. And I still want to die. I don’t want to tell my parents because I feel like they will tell me I’m over reacting. I just don’t understand why I’m depressed and want to end my life when I know that others have it worse. I just don’t get how I can be so selfish. My problems have no significance compared to others’ problems. I commented not to ask for help. But to ask for advice on what to do to help myself, but more just to vent and know that someone in the world knows what i’m going through. If read all of that thanks for “listening” to my issues.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I feel tremendous sadness for you and all that you have been through. Your comment describes many painful losses and traumas, far more than many people have to endure. And yet you tell yourself that others have it worse, so therefore you should not be depressed. I understand, there are always people who have it worse, even far worse, but does that take one’s pain away? If someone shoots me in the stomach, I’m going to be in terrible pain even though the person next to me might have been shot in the head and hurt even worse. This is my long-winded way of saying I hope that you will be compassionate with yourself, hold yourself gently, and not berate yourself for your sadness and suicidal thoughts. I hope instead you will give yourself the same grace you would give to someone you love who has been hurt, abused, and abandoned. And please share what you wrote here with your counselor. You need not be alone with your thoughts and feelings.

      Thank you for sharing your story, Brandi. I wish for you much hope, healing, and self-compassion.

  19. Why am I alive? says:

    I am 15 and I really think that suicide is my solution. My parents do not understand my problems and whenever I tried to tell the girl I love, she tells the school office. This is the second time she did this and they told me that the next time i end up in the office, they will transfer me to special education. This actually encourages me to commit suicide and the worst part is nobody bothers to ask. My school tells me that they are following the rules. Even though I am getting counselors at my school to help me, they do not solve my problem.

    The reason why I want to commit suicide is because of my love to the girl i tell and how she rejects me, and because of the pressure in my society since all students are A+ students. But still, nobody listens to me. I’ve been hurting myself by making cuts and even with that, nobody cares.Most of the time, I see myself as the suicidal devil in my terms that means person who wants to commit suicide.

    I really wish someone can help me but I do not think anyone wants to help me. I hope I can live longer.

  20. Soojin says:

    This article is breaking my heart into a million pieces. It may be true for some parents as described in other comments here, but in many cases people with suicidal mind do not share (maybe they implied) their thoughts with their family. So did I when I went through my own depression many years ago. And I lost my only son, 16, to suicide this year. To me, it was completely out of the blue. Like I did, he never shared anything with me. Didn’t he trust me? Didn’t he love me? Didn’t I love him enough? Was he bullied or abused? Was he struggling with his school work? No, no, no, and no. This is a living hell. Now I’m seriously suicidal. I don’t know how to survive without my son. But I can’t take my own life practically because I have another child on the earth. Reading other kids’ comments here is so painful to me. Please talk to your parents or teachers, or someone else. There must be someone who is willing to listen to you. You should ask for help seriously before assuming others’ responses. Do not give them just a few words or imply on your suicidal mind. If they do not take your words seriously, keep talking to them more strongly and openly. People who do not have a suicidal mind or clinical depression do not understand what it is like. As much as parents or other adults need to be educated for this issue, you should also step forward. Please do. I’m just trying to live a day waiting the moment when my time comes and meet my son again.

  21. Holly says:

    Why is this happening to me? I should’ve never trusted my parents in the first place.

  22. Vega says:

    Or one parent is overprotective while the other hands you the weapon. Crappy either way.

  23. Cory says:

    When i was a teenager, i was severely depressed, and at the time, everytime i would try to talk to my mom about anything she rolled her eyes and talked in an urgent bummed out tone, so i told her something else, instead of what i was going to say (that i was depressed). A few times i tried to talk to her while she was playing on her phone she would roll her eyes and speak in that same bummed out tone ” WHAT? Do you have something to say to me? If not then leave me alone!” And i was devastated i couldnt get support or help from anyone, my dad was working 2nd shift and still slept through the day, ( it still wouldve done me no good because he always takes my moms side and when i asked him why he shushes me without a reply), my brother, who always tried to seem cool and jock-like by saying stuff like ” SO WHAT? who cares.”,then i tried my grandma and she also took my moms side and made it seem like it was my fault, my papaw would say i was girly and to get over myself. But one day,my great grandmother sat down and i listened to her problems and she listened to mine, she was the only one who cared and told my mom, because she was one of the few people that my mother will listen to, and after my great grandmother helped me get help, i could finally live my life. So if you are reading this then dont act like my family, act like my great grandmother, because if it wasnt for her i would have committed suicide days later. I hope this helped, halfway through i was having second thoughts about posting this.

  24. E says:

    I feel so alone… I have been depressed and suicidal for the past 5 months. I have done self harm, mostly scratches and bruises. I finally told my parents, but they told me I was being incredibly selfish. They also said that I had no reason to be depressed, because there are people who have it a lot worse than I do. I have been very close to attempting suicide, but each time listening to Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance would pull me out of it. They were the only thing that could make me stop. My parents started taking me to a therapist, but it didn’t really help. My parents would still yell at me, and they forbid me from listening to my favorite bands. I had been getting a lot better, thanks to My Chemical Romance, but now I didn’t even have that. The past couple weeks, I’ve been slowly sinking back into depression. It’s getting to be just as bad as if was before, and I don’t know who to turn to. I’m a Christian, and my parents are always telling me that you go to hell if you commit suicide, but I just feel so lost. I don’t want to go to hell, but I can’t take it anymore. Everyday, I act like everything’s okay, even when talking to the therapist. The only people who understood me were those bands, and now they’re gone. I just don’t know what to do.

  25. Russel says:

    im not a teenager but i know im suicidal (in thoughts). i got academic dismissal status from my previous program (electrical engineering) and now im forced to shift to a non-board exam engineering program which is the cause of my depression. i cant tell my parents even my siblings and closest friends because i dont want them to know i failed. i cant accept it either. i know its because of my pride because everyone i know seems to be doing well in life. my friends start graduating having jobs etc. i used to be happy before all of this and i used to be the one comforting my friends who tell me their problems. but now i can really relate to what theyre feeling. sometimes i just wanna really end my life as a way of escaping this problem. but i fear that ill only hurt my family/friends’ feelings which makes it even worse. makes my self-anger/depression worse. i know my parents will understand me but its more of the thought that i failed and i wont be able to take board exams and i wont be able to graduate in the program i originally took (electrical engineering) and i wont be able to proudly say that i graduated to a degree i dont like which makes me think of killing myself. i dont know what to do. i cant sleep at nights. i kept on thinking the wrong choices i made in my whole life and thinking of what ifs and what i should have done. i know this problem may not be that big to others but i dont know its just difficult for me i really cant just tell them. i hate myself but at the same time i really wanna help myself.

  26. Robin says:

    I live in South Korea. I’m only 11, out of fifth grade which is way too young, but I’m suicidal. Nothing like cutting or physical pain, but only thoughts. My friend is also suicidal, but we try to help each other. But it doesn’t work. Everyday, we sink further into the mire. I talked to my mom. She isn’t that good with English, but she said something about religion and how it was a sin explicitly forbidden by God, since I’m a Christian, I don’t want to go to hell. That helped for three days. Now I’m in depression. I just don’t like my particular life and I wish it were different. Not that it’s going to be. Either way I don’t have the courage to talk to my mom face-to-face and say, “Mom, I want to kill myself. Can I take therapy?” but I’m not that brave. So I just said, “I’m suffering from a disease called ‘being alive’. Help?” No help whatsoever. If I tell my dad then he will 1) not understand or 2) yell at me. I just don’t have the strength to talk to them.

    People say I have a lot to live for. I can’t talk to the school counselor since it is summertime, but I talked to friends. They say that I’m smart, funny, that there’s a hell lot to live for. But it’s not like that, I feel like there’s a lot that I shouldn’t live for. Crushing workloads, bullying for not being particularly athletic compared to 99% of kids in my grade—I feel like the stormtrooper in the sad stormtrooper meme.

    What should I do? And for my friend, what should he do as well? Is there any way that we can help each other? Thank you for your time.

    • Robin Lee says:

      Wait I mean that I wish it weren’t difficult. Sorry ’bout that.

    • Anonymous says:

      I live in Canada but i was born in Korea, so i know what you have to deal with.. i know everything may seem hard and suicide looks like an easy ticket out, but trust me when i say that everything will get easier.. I wanted to kill myself too but I was always scared and I also thought about the people I’ll be leaving behind.. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Think of the people that would be affected by this. Life sucks, Ill be honest but it gets better, thats how it is. There’s ups and downs here and there but it’ll get better trust me. I’ve managed to hold on and I’m not doing too bad for myself, so i know you can do it too

    • Soojin says:

      Hi Robin. I live in NYC, coming from Korea. I lost my 16-year-old son, who was a brilliant and kind soul, 7 months ago. Please do not harm yourself. Do not assume your parents’ reaction. There must be some people, including your parents, who are willing to listen to you and help you when you share your thoughts with them. In many cases, we think too much by ourselves without sharing something with others. You are not alone. I desperately want to get my son back. He didn’t say anything about what he was going through. He was not bullied or abused as far as I know. The police didn’t find any circumstantial evidences to stimulate his suicidal mind. If you don’t share, if you don’t ask for help, no one, even your parents, knows exactly what is going on. Losing my beloved son is terrible beyond your imagination. This is a living hell. I terribly sorry to my son I completely missed chances to help him out. Please ask for help to your parents or someone else. I’m leaving my email address here. Please contact me if you feel okay with it.

  27. Nobody.... says:

    I’m 15 turning 16 in two months but I am not sure if I am going to make it. I started self harming (bruising and burning and just small scratches) when I was 8. At 12 I started cutting, cutting deep. I didn’t have the brightest childhood. I was mollested for 7 months when I was 6 and raped when I was 10. And those were not the only two times but I never say more than that. Anyway I have been labeled with so many ‘disorders’. Bipolar, borderline personality disorder, chronic depression, social anxiety, OCD, panic disorder, and I can’t even remember it all!!! This was when I was 12 at Denmar Mental Hospital. I don’t have any friends of my age. The first time I opened up was when I was 12 and told a trusted adult. She seemed supportive then stabbed me in the back. This happened over and over again 6 times. In between a lot of stuff happened which I am not going into (like suicide attempts more than I can count) Anyway but At the end of 2014 I went and lived with a family on a farm. They were like my parents I loved them so much. They have three kids and they became like a real brother and sisters. They are all much younger than me. I was forced to stop cutting, and I wore a mask the first few months. But then I actually became happy, for only a short while. The mom told me she would go to the moon and back for me and that I am like one of her children to her, and I believed her. I actually loved her more than my own mother at one stage, something I regret deeply. Well my past began haunting me again and I became depressed, depressed like I have never been to that point, I just couldn’t hide it. They were pushing me to get better because of the kids but I just couldn’t. In the meantime she did stuff that really hurt me. Like she told the 9 year old my WHOLE past (well that what she knew) and told other people as well. She also started pushing me away. I decided that if I cannot live with my past I will die with my past. So I took 800 water pills (if taken in overdose your heart stops) She found out and three days later send me back to my parents. I can’t write where they fit into the picture because this is already too long. That was a massive setback for me. My past is haunting me like never before and I hurt myself like never before. Last night I sent again a trusted adult a poem I wrote and she basically “slapped me in the face” with her words. In the last few days I attempted more than 3 times suicide, but every time I fail. EVERY TIME!!! NO one cares!!! Why does the world keep you in its hold when you want to go??? Its not even like I am afraid to go!!! I am so tired of being haunted by my past, so tired of looking like the happiest girl on earth!!! I can’t talk to ANYONE!!! Everytime I do they say I am looking for attention!! Reallly??? Would someone risk to die, or have permanent brain damage or whatever side effect for attention??? Would someone have huge scars for the rest of their life for attention??? If I wanted attention I wouldn’t make my facebook page like there is no one happier than me!! I won’t smile and pretend that everything is awesome!!!! I am already dead inside!!! BUT NO ONE BELIEVES ME!!! And I don’t have a stupid reason for doing the things I do or that I want to die!!! NO!!! I have a (sorry for the word) F*CKING good reason!!! THe things I had to go through when I was a child!! LIfe being so mean to me since I was just a innocent girl!!! Its not like Oh you were mean to me now I want to die whe weh whe!!! NOO!!!! I am broken!!! I bleed inside!!! I just want to be free!!! I just want someone to accept me!!! Oh and my family’s latest thing is they say I am lesbian because I don’t date guys! I don’t trust guys, cheese with my experience isn’t that what you expect??? But I AM NOT LESBIAN!!! I just hate the rude comments that make a broken person break completely!!! I can’t do this anymore!!! What do I dooooooo???????????????????

    • Sheldon K. says:

      I hope God sends you my way. My number is (269) 203-5610. I want to help you.

    • Anonymous says:

      OMG BLESS YOU! 😩😘😫😍 I JUST PRAYED DEEPLY FOR YOU! I am 12 years old and even I know you do NOT deserve this!

    • Anonymous says:

      Although you have gone through sexual abuse, it’s not the end of your life. I pray to God.

    • Robin Lee says:

      It’s hard being raped and molested, so I understand where you’re coming from (did not happen to me, but still). Your life is going to get better.

      You spoke that an adult you trusted “slapped you in the face”. So just because s/he turned their back on you, doesn’t mean that nobody trusts you. We’re here for you.

      Also, you are not lesbian! Why would anybody say that? Just because you don’t go out with guys doesn’t mean that you are lesbian! Actually, I guess I have some advice — speak to guys. Or girls. Or whoever.

      I will pray for you. God bless you.

    • darrin says:

      I am a father of a daughter who has problems of her own and I tell her no matter what it is bothering her I have the time to listen. I don’t know you but I have something to say that might help you. I am a male survivor of the same abuse. And tried to end it but it didn’t work that’s after I told an adult who didn’t believe me. And told my parents who didn’t believe me I was able to get counseling for it and it helped me. Can I say that you are beautiful without scaring you? If these feelings continue please get help call a teen crisis line they won’t judge you and can offer you help. Good luck and God bless you.

  28. anonymous says:

    Since the end of 6th grade ( I’m in 9th), I have been really depressed and just sad all the time. I started cutting in the middle of 7th grade and somebody at my school told the counselor and the nurse, so my mom found out, and she thought I was doing it for attention. I told her how I was feeling and how sad I was and she brushed it off as me “being a 13 year old” and forgot about it. I stopped cutting for a while until the summer of 7th grade. I started doing it really bad. All up and down my legs and my arm. I even cut my boobs and my shoulders. My friend saw them one night while I was staying at her house, and we talked about it and she thinks that I’ve stopped cutting, which in reality I’ve been cutting for a straight year now. Now, I have cut down a lot. Still cutting everyday, but only up to ten cuts compared to about 20-30 everyday. My other friend found out and she wants me to talk to her parents about it, but I’m hesitant to because I’m afraid they’ll tell my parents. I want help, but my parents, especially my mom, wouldn’t believe me. What do I do? Please help.

    • Sheldon K. says:

      I hope God sends you my way. My number is (269) 203-5610. I will help.

    • Trey says:

      Hey you are beautiful no need to cut your self try a chat site like teen surport group I am there you will get better write how you feel in your diary take a seat with your mom and dad talk to them about your pain they want the best for you if you want to talk about it my teen surport group is kidbeast

    • Anonymous says:

      You don’t need to keep it a secret. Everybody feels disheartened at one point or another, suicide is just trying to end misery. Your parents are there to help, if you give them time. If they don’t, then see somebody you trust. If you don’t trust anybody, then we’re here for you.

  29. Anonymous says:

    I’m 11. I want to kill myself. But I’m afraid. I just can’t do it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Hi. I understand how you’re feeling, but you’re 11. You have your whole beautiful life ahead of you sweetie. You need to talk to somebody about how you feel. Your school counselor should be easy to talk to. I know that my counselor and I grew a relationship talking about my suicidal thoughts. I know how you are feeling, but you are young and beautiful!!

      You should be afraid, because suicide is no joke. It’s a real thing that people do every day. You are still so young that I don’t think you understand that suicide means you will never be able to hug your mom or dad or any of your family ever again. You won’t be able to kiss them goodnight. If you do commit suicide, your friends and family will hurt worse than you. When I was attempting suicide, I had a reminder that my family and friends would hurt worse that I do, and I didn’t want that.

      Please doll, don’t do it. Stay here until it is your time. You have so many people that love you and care about you. Stay.

    • Nora says:

      I’m in the same exact position.
      I started cutting around 5 months ago and all this depression is coming so fast. I’m only 12 and have had several suicidal thoughs. I have been in your shoes with a lot of different problems. I just want you to know that some people may not understand or know what’s going on, but just know that it’s not good. It may help the pain but the pain of knowing that several people who knew you will have to live with out you for the rest of your life and your parents would probably cry themselves to sleep every night so just know, no matter the pain think to yourself, is it really worth it.

  30. Finally Giving Up says:

    everyone says that cutters are just looking for attention, and in my case maybe it was true. it didnt start out that way, but at this point its like i have a little game with myself to see how much i can do without anyone noticing. i never cut deep enough for me to really bleed, just enough to sting and apparently leave scars. but when i first started, i tried desperately to hide it. then at one point i forgot and rolled my sleeves up, and realized that no one noticed or cared. ive been making cuts all up and down my left arm for almost a year now, and no one’s even commented on it. i still have scars from some of the things ive done to myself, but apparently it doesnt matter if “cutters are just looking for attention”, because no one does anything about it anyway. although i must admit to doing things other than cutting, like punching and hitting myself just so that i wont lash out at others. the only thing anyone has ever questioned is why i have bruises on my face, but i hardly begin to say anything before they just change the topic like they hadnt said anything in the first place. i dont even have to come up with stories anymore about how i “tripped on the coffee table” or “got hit by a cabinet”. no one cares. although i think i might prefer it this way, with no one trying to stop me, and it made things easier to do when i realized that truly no one cares

    • Sheldon K. says:

      I care and I don’t even know you. If you’re still out there please contact me: (269) 203-5610.

  31. Anonymous says:

    I am a teen with thoughts of suicide and for me the main reasons are (listed in order of most to least)
    1. My dad is 62% of the reason (I’ve been thinking about this for a long time
    2. Once I almost did suicide in from of my mom and all she said was how it would affect other people and gave me the only true hug I have had in my life (other than with blankets). I didn’t have the heart to say anything other than promising not to do suicide
    3. No one ever understands. I’ve told people and they never talked to me again. I’ve only had a few true friends, one of which moved away in 4th grade, the other just moved last week. I never told him before because he was kind of a true friend, but kind of not. He and I have been through a lot together, and he’s the only one who truly understands me. I met him in preschool and we have been friends ever since. I have a lot of people that I hang out with, but I can never be myself with them.

  32. Cora says:

    For about two years, whenever I’d say to my mum I’m angry depressed etc, she used to throw me around my bedroom and calls me a disgrace etc. Now I’m 17 and I still don’t get attention for it, it’s just like it will go away. But it’s ironic because my little sister is in therapy / counselling for it which I didn’t get. P*sses me off

    • Ignored says:

      The same thing happened to me, when my brother would get in an argument, he got therapy, when eventually told my parents i was suicidal, i got brushed off by almost everyone

  33. Audrey says:

    Number 6 is the reason why I don’t wanna tell my parents about my depression and other mental illnesses, they just think it’s puberty and mood swings plus attracting attention.

  34. Emmy says:

    I’m 14 and have had depression since I was 9 and have been self harming most days since I was 12 as if made me feel slightly better. I first told my mum about the thoughts I was having last year and she completely ignored it, even after I was officially diagnosed with major depressive disorder and social anxiety. I have had periods where I have felt extremely suicidal and have gotten very close to actually killing myself but it’s never been as bad as it has over the past few days. As I have social anxiety I find it very difficult to go to school and haven’t been for a full week in about a year and a half though I do have fairly regular meetings with a school councillor. Mum works until 7 each day and my brother goes to school (my dad isn’t in the picture) so I’m alone every day which makes it a lot worse. My brother has severe anger issues and my mum yells at me everyday for not going to school and even more so when I try to tell her that I still feel depressed. I’m terrified of telling her that I’m suicidal but especially after how I’ve been feeling this week, I’m really worried that I’ll do something I’m going to regret and I don’t want to hurt my family. I feel like I desperately need to tell someone and I recognise that I might need to spend time in a hospital or mental health facility until I become more mentally stable but my mum completely ignores the presence of my depression and I don’t know where to go for the real help that I feel like I need immediately. I just don’t know what to do..

  35. Jolene says:

    Number 8 is why I refuse to say anything about my extreme stress, anxiety, and depression to my parents. They have no idea that I have any of these. If I even try to tell my mom that I’m stressing out about something, she yells at me and tells me I have nothing to stress about. REALLY?! I have everything to stress about and so much pressure on me about everything and people rarely understand this. I feel like I am getting worse everyday, but I can’t say anything because my parents have told my siblings and I that they would honestly not be our parents anymore if we tried to say we have depression or try to commit suicide. They say it is not real and just a cry for attention. They also say if we want attention so badly they will give us negative attention. Sometimes I hurt so badly that I can’t take it anymore, but I can’t do or say anything about it because of my parents, making it worse.

  36. Anonymous says:

    I’ve been feeling depressed since the middle or end of fifth grade. I’m 15 going onto 16 at the end of the year. My mom would most likely react by saying that I’m crazy and that I’d be stupid to do such a thing. My doctor suggested counselling but she doesn’t think it’s serious. She’s really controlling and gives me secondhand stress. There are some nights where I can’t sleep at all. My dad would most likely react by divorcing my mom and … I don’t know what else because he has to work all the time. With my older brother away from the family now, my parents who immigrated to America (legally) rely on me for almost everything, but it’s more of a order coming from them rather than just asking me “please”. There are nights when I cry everything out and think “If I died I could make them see what they took for granted” and stuff like that. I don’t want to tell someone I’m suicidal because I don’t know if I really am, and I don’t want any adult to try to “help”.

  37. Anonymous says:

    You know what my mother did just today after we had an argument. I screamed to her that she made me want to commiti suicide many time in life and maybe i should do it again so she can be finally free from me. She didnt even look at me, she kept watching TV and eating dinner, i shut the door to my room and started crying and heared her open a can of beer. Than she watched the tv for some time more and went to sleep. She didnt bother to even knock on my door.

  38. blank says:

    I live in southern U.S. and my family is really conservative. i’m afraid that if I come out to them as suicidal and depressed my dad will get really angry and take it out on me and my sister. he doesn’t believe in getting treatment for mental illness or that depression even exists. I’ve been feeling like this since I was 11, I’m 15 now, and it’s been really hard to stay alive. I went to my councilor in middle school to get help and the only thing she did was call my dad, which he ignored and hasn’t said anything about. recently it’s been getting harder and harder to keep myself from doing something really bad. I don’t know what to do anymore. i’m really scared that one day really soon I’ll decide that enough is enough and actually kill myself, I’ve gotten really close to committing suicide before and I don’t know if I can stop my self again. I don’t want to be anymore of a burden than I already am. What do I do?

    • Nala says:

      I know that it can feel like you are alone and you can never open up to anyone but there is always someone out there willing to listen and help, as hard as it is you are so brave for staying alive everyday and know that your parents and sister really loves you. My sister right now is currently struggling with depression aswell, our parents aren’t supportive of getting her help but I think she will be strong and we can help each other get through this. You won’t always feel this way even though it is probably feeling like everything is shit right now. Good luck with everything, hopefully you can find a councillor or other help from someone and one day you will look back on this and be grateful you made it through.:)

  39. You are missing an obvious reason: Some parents are abusive and therefore are the CAUSE of their child’s downward spiral.

  40. rosie says:

    hi i have a problem i have no idea why i get so depressed but i do. i have cut myself in the passed because i only thought of that and i have been dealing with depression for over 3-4 years and i feel like in the world im all alone and have noone to talk to because my parents wont listen they will just brush it off or believe it is something they did but it is nothing like that. i feel like i have nothing to stand for anymore and that i have noone to stand by my side and tell me its ok to feel like this and try to actually get me help. the cuts were all on my stomach because noone would be able to see them there but i realize that i dont know why people think a shrink will help because it doesnt it anything it makes the dreams and the thoughts cross my mind more because all a shrink is is a person who sits there and judges you and trys to understand u. i need help with the dreams and the thoughts please.

    • Anonymous says:

      I feel like my mother is cheating on my dad because she was texting this guy and it was normal. I thought oh it’s probably a friend. But yesterday I found out that she was saying oh no I do love u so much. And he would respond when can I see u. And other gross and nasty stuff. I cried myself to sleep and I just don’t know what to do. I want to tell my dad but he is going through depression and I don’t want to hurt him he is thinking of committing suicide. So what can I do. I feel anger thinking that my mom was a nice person who would never cheat on my father but I find out the she probably is I just feel so much hate and sadness what can I do plz give me some advice

  41. Bee says:

    I’ve been going through so much. I have these thoughts and theyve been leading me to unwanted images and urges. I never harmed myself badly, just twice on the arm but I made it sure it wasn’t visible to anyone. It started the beginning of seventh grade when I started having these episodes in classes where I couldn’t breath and I had to squeeze the table to keep from screaming and crying. Lately, now in the ending of eigth grade I’ve had thoughts so badly I bite my tongue to the point of blood to keep from grabbing a knife and hurting myself or others. I’m really trying hard to keep this to myself. Ive been feeling depressed and I hope my mother notice. I just don’t have the strength to tell her. My mom works a lot and I feel like I dont trust her enough to tell her. I’m afraid to tell my best friend because I dont want her to leave me. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt myself or someone else. I need advice how to tell my mom or if i even should. My mom might just say it’s just for attention because she’s like that but I really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. Holding in my thoughts/urges and feelings in is hurting me. I know for certain if it weren’t for my friend, knowing that my death would effect her, I’d kill myself. I just want to push her away so I can finally do it. My mom.and sister and I don’t get along. Over the few months I’ve lost love for them but I just don’t want to cause pain to my friend if I kill myself.
    I need help, give me advice how to tell my mom about my thoughts before I break.
    Thank you

    • k says:

      I feel saddened and concerned reading this. I have a daughter who I just discovered has thoughts of harming herself or others. Perhaps you have anxiety as well as depression. What you describe sounds like a panic attack. You need to reach out for help. Call a crisis line a teens hotline, or a crisis center in the area you live in. And hold on. Know that many teens suffer in silence as you do now, and that there are brighter days ahead and help for you. Reach out to one of these places, get counselling, get help.. you will overcome. Please don’t give up. And please get help. If you are afraid to tell your mom now, please call someone who can help you. And do it soon, and know that you are a valuable and worthy person…and you will find happiness.

  42. Anonymous says:

    I’ve been feeling depressed for a couple of months now, its a constant wave, but its always there. I have nobody to talk to and I’m afraid to talk to someone in case they laugh and don’t take me seriously I don’t know what to do, I’m so alone

  43. Lauren says:

    Putting the line about “Some suicidal statements or attempts are, in fact, manipulative” destroys this entire article and makes it utterly unhelpful in certain people’s cases. Are you aware of how many parents will cling to THAT statement and ONLY that one? There are parents out there that will do ANYTHING to deny the truth and brush it off, and they DON’T need more fuel!

  44. I really need someone to talk to about my problems.

    I am just 12 years old and I go to 6th grade. I know i’m too young… but I swear I am honest.

    It all started at around 4th grade. Around that time my parents abused me. It has half-stopped now but I still remember. It was the first time I felt depressed but it stopped quite quickly.(I honestly don’t know how to describe my experiences)

    Since the start of 5th grade to the present, I’ve been depressed. School’s been just an obstacle I have to face everyday. And it’s getting harder.
    Everyone hates me. My parents, my friends, my teachers. Everyone. People call me fat and I’ve been trying to become anorexic but I can’t because I love food. I am fat, really. I am ugly and a bad person. I am worthless and dumb. I am pathetic. And such a liar.

    You’re supposed to smile when you’re feeling happy, right? If you’re smiling and you’re not, it’s just lies. For me, at least.

    I started cutting 8 months ago. I do small scratches with scissors and I harm myself in any way that is not visible. I became suicidal 7 months ago and I think about it way too too much these past 4 months.

    It would be nice if I had friends online since I don’t really have any in real life.

    I really need help.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I’m so sorry you’re hurting like this. It’s hard to heal all by yourself. Is there anyone at all you can talk to about how you’re feeling, maybe a teacher you trust or your doctor? Even if there isn’t a teacher you trust, you could take a chance and see if one can help you. I know you said everyone hates you, but I have a hunch that might be a a very painful feeling, not an actual fact.

      Of course I recommend that you confide in your parents but I suspect, based on what you wrote, you might feel very reluctant to do that. You can also reach out for help by phone, email, or text to a variety of hotlines. If you are in the U.S., a good place to start is the national lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). Also you can text the Crisis Text Line; see this page for more information: crisistextline.org/. I list more resources on my website at speakingofsuicide.com/resources/

      Also, I want to apologize for the long delay in posting your comment. My site’s spam filter incorrectly categorized it as spam, so it was buried beneath hundreds of ridiculous marketing comments. I’m glad I found it!

      I hope you get some help. I know you can, even though it’s hard.

    • becky says:

      I want to tell you something that’s encouraging but I can’t because at least you have an idea of what you feel. I don’t know at all,just that I feel useless and a list of other disgusting words. I won’t tell you my situation is worse because people feel differently. Now read what I’m about to say.





    • Tiara says:

      Hello my name is Tiara and I am like you but I was bullied t every school I went to and I feel like no on likes me and just hate myself and I sometimes wish I was dead sometime I have visions that I’m stabing myself with a knife in the heart and I like to hav friends online to because I feel like they are the only people that really like me for me and I don’t cut myself but I punch my head really hard and bang it to.I think that I’m ugly to and people call me fat one time someone called me fat a.. and I started to cry inside. I try to exercise but I just like eating so much it makes me feel better and sometimes it is just because it’s soooooo good . I’m 13 yrs old and I’m going to 8th grade. I hope we can we friends and get to know each other.you are not alone. Bye homerun.

  45. Anonymous says:

    For me it’s weird talking to my parents like this because I don’t talk to them about that sort of thing so I’m going through this alone but I prefer being alone I don’t trust a lot of people because they end up hurting me and I hate that

  46. Maaz says:

    I told my parents about suicide and they yelled at me that it was a sin. Like that was gonna make me rethink -.-

  47. Jay says:

    I commented on this I think a little more than a year ago, and I subscribed to the comments. I honestly didn’t think I would be alive now to read it, but I am. I would be lying if I said that things got better, but I would also be lying if I didn’t say that I didn’t get better. It has been almost three months since I’ve last hurt myself, and while I know that things might be different again when winter comes around again, I also know that it does get a little bit easier, even if for just a little bit.
    It breaks my heart to see that other people feel the way I did, and sometimes do, and it breaks my heart that you are so young, and trapped, and hurt. And I promise you that you deserve to love yourself, and that someday you will; that you deserve to live and that you deserve the help that you are not getting.

  48. TheCacklingCat says:

    I’m sad to say that I am suicidal. I have been for 3 years. I have wanted to die since I was 10, and its only gotten worse. Please do not discredit me, due to my age; I know that I am only 13, but my story is still viable and truthful. When I was 10, I of course ran to my mothe and told her; she immediately took me to a psychiatrist. 2 months in, I realized that being forced to talk to a stranger I didn’t trust was only making things worse. I struggled for over a year to convince them that I was better. Finally, I was released. It sounds odd that I would say released, I know, but it was like being released from prison. However, I was lying. I am still depressed and suicidal. I found someone last year, a beautiful girl who was smart and sweet and fun who stole my heart and who I was proud to give it to, despite all those who were hard on us for being two girls. We dated for a bit, then broke up. I took it hard, of course, but she is now my closest friend. I respect her wishes to remain platonic. She has helped me so much lately; things were looking up until I started cutting and she told me she was too. Things began to spiral. After about a month, she and I made a pact: as long as one didn’t harm, the other couldn’t. It went well for a month or two… then I freaked out. I had a panic attack. I cut. I failed her. I panicked, told her I needed a little break from talking to her so I could avoid telling her. What can I say? I’m a coward. That night, I couldn’t sleep. I was so overcome with guilt. So I took the bottle of sleeping pills beside me and poured out three times the recommended dose. And did the same thing for a week. Finally, I was brave (and guilty) enough to tell her. The worst part? She forgave me. Said she would help me through this. And she did. I haven’t cut or taken pills since. But not because I’m actually feeling better; because I feel like such a horrible bastard for having betrayed her and caused her pain. I’ve felt so suicidal the past week. And I can’t bring myself to tell her. I don’t want her to hurt anymore. But I want to die so badly. I’m going insane. I’m scared to hurt her. I’m scared to be honest to her. Sometimes I don’t even know if she’s real or a figment of my imagination. I wish I could see her again, hold her and know she’s real. I… don’t know what I can do. I’m scared.

    • caro says:

      hi my name is caroline, do you want to talk? I’m 15 and I’m scared about stuff too but my parents won’t listen- you can msg me on tumblr if you want, my url is kittycaroline15

    • Lizzy Rose says:

      Hi, so I’m not gonna tell you my life story or how I battled and overcame depression. Why, because I didn’t. I’m 13 and around 3 months ago I started feeling IT. You know the… feeling? I’m totally lost rn and I was going to fake being sick and tell my mom tomorrow, but I am so scared. I don’t know what to do. Enough about me now, yea? I don’t want you to die, that’s it. I may not know you but we still have our entire lives ahead of us even if we can’t see it. I definitely ain’t some kind of psychiatrist thingy but maybe we could just talk, that’s all, just talk. I really don’t want you to commit suicide. I’m scared, your scared, let’s talk about dogs! I really need some person in my life rn, a friend. Would you like to be my friend?
      (Email: richliz987@gmail.com)

    • A says:

      Hey im sorta in the same situation as you… Be honest with your friend… I know it’s hard but she obviously means alot to you… Tell her everything that happened…. I hope you do xoxo you will get better

  49. It hurts says:

    I fight with my mother a lot.
    I rarely see my father.
    I have to get the best grades
    My mother cares for my sisters more than for me
    I have to go to every school contest and have the best results
    I cut myself
    My crush thinks we’re just friends
    My classmates hate me
    I just want to dissappear…

    • Anonymous says:

      i understand u honny

      we think and feel the same but my mom hurts me when she says oh there is no reasons to be hurt

    • Anonymous says:

      I fight with my mother a lot.
      I rarely see my father.
      I have to get the best grades
      My mother cares for my brothers more than for me I have to go to take every honors and AP class as well as doing Taekwondo and have the best results.
      I have suicidal thoughts but I’m too much of a coward to act on them, so all I do is cry.
      My crush notices me but I’m too shy to talk to him much, so I just smile most of the time even though we sit right next to each other in one of my classes.
      My classmates barely know the real me. They only know that I’m quiet and smart. My teachers only know that I’m quiet and smart. They don’t know how much I regret not being able to speak up sometimes or how late I stay up to do homework or because of sleeping problems. They don’t know how hard I try at everything I do.
      I just want to disappear, but being the coward that I am, my most likely goal is quitting school to become tarzan (if only I didn’t have allergies).… I’m serious

  50. Terrified of the future says:

    I want to kill myself because I’m a failure. I keep getting Bs in art and its ripping me apart. I NEED to get straight As, because that’s the only way my parents will love me. They tell me that they will love me no matter what, but I don’t believe them. But I know that if I tell anyone, they will send me to a mad house and it will shut down my future. I want to go to Harvard and become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. I’m so scared, I don’t what to do. Please help.

  51. Misunderstood says:

    I need serious help. Since I was 7 years old I’ve suffered from suicidal idealation which was also the age of my first attempt. During my first attempt I was caught by my mother and she slapped me and made me never do it again. As I’ve gotten older it has gotten worse and now the thoughts are resurfacing aggressively. I recently started making poor choices and they’ve added to the stress. My mother keeps brushing my problems unfer the rug and she constantly harasses ne about talking to her and she keeps mocking me about harming myself saying things like “The last time you tried that I slapped the piss out of you and I will do it again if you try that again”. She also pushes my problems under the rug. Sometimes I wish she hadn’t stopped me the last time I tried to harm myself. I seriously need guidance. Sometimes I just eant to lay in my bed forever and give up. It seems easier. Someone help me. I’m only 14 and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost and alone…

    • anon says:

      Oh god– do NOT listen to her. You have to tell a school counselor. Please. If anything, you just don’t deserve to listen to those hateful comments. I’m fourteen too & feel so alone, everyday.. but compared to how your mother treats you like crap, I feel lucky. Please tell any counselor you can– or anyone who can help, even call the suicide hotline. You don’t deserve this!

  52. Alienated says:

    I cannot do ANYTHING in my household without getting yelled at. If I do my chores, I get yelled at because I left one mug out. If I don’t do my chores but do my homework, I get yelled at. I tell them I cannot do several things at once as it is simply not humanly possible. Unfortunately, that doesn’t get through them. I’ve cried out of panic and sadness and they tell me that they “understand”; that they “know what it’s like to be depressed” or to “stop being an overdramatic/ungrateful bitch”. I’ve told them countless times that you can not expect everything to be the way they want it to be. They’ll give me unexpected gifts and expect me to give them something in return-even though I am 13. I cannot get a job to make money, and the only money I have isn’t even mine (they steal from my bank account).

    Every time I tell them I’m sad, they take away and look through my computer and my phone, which in turn caused trust issues between my mother and I. They ground me for months thinking technology is the only cause to my issues. This has been going on for years.

    Every single damn time I get ONE bad grade out of an entire report card filled with As or Bs, she yells at me, grounds me or says I’m not trying hard enough, even though I work nightly on my homework (often times I am so depressed/anxious that I procrastinate and homework isn’t done on time).

    Alongside that, my mother emotionally and mentally abuses me; she calls me or says I am acting like a bitch, a tramp, etc. I cry, and cry. I go back to her. The same insults occur. It’s a vicious circle.

    When I tell her I’m being bullied, she does absolutely NOTHING to stop it other than to tell me that I am not “emotionally stable/strong”.

    I want to live with my amazing father, but custody laws are a bitch to deal with-but then again, so is karma. I also don’t want to leave any of my friends behind (my dad lives in Minnesota). I keep experiencing “Stockholm syndrome-like” behaviors-coming back to my mother even though she hurts me.

    It’s difficult to explain, and I’m afraid nobody can really help me. They refuse to take me to a therapist or a hospital to get evaluated because they assure me I am okay, even though my actions show otherwise.

    For now, I am stuck with our school counselor and the words of my father (and hotlines; none of them had helped so far). I don’t want to kill myself; I want to fall under the spell of eternal sleep. School’s a drag and I am constantly worried about the stress associated with it. I just want to die peacefully.

    I cannot find a way out. Please help me.

    • Understands says:

      Hey. I’m a person from the other side of the world.
      I just want you to know that you’re doing amazing. You’re holding on to life in a way that other people I know never will be able to. I know how hard it is for you. I’m here for you.
      My parents don’t even know, because I never told them.
      What I suggest is an online therapy program. Don’t tell your mother that you’re depressed. Smile. Grin.
      Don’t let her know.
      Meanwhile, people are helping out from online. You’re getting better each day. Now your mother had no reason to go through your devices.
      If you need a good cry, I suggest a cuddly pillow and the closet. Maybe some Exo or Hozier music.

      I’m here to listen, Alienated.

    • BeenThere says:

      I’ve experienced a lot of the same things you have with my mom as well. I’m 20 now, and all I can tell you is stay strong. Do whatever you can to get out of there as soon as possible. I’m here for you if you want to talk. Just reply back and I’ll give you a way to contact me.

  53. Shattered Doll says:

    I’m currently 18 years old, I have suffered with suicidal ideation since I was 9 years old, that was also the age of my first attempt. I was then diagnosed at 14 with severe depression.

    Nobody understands and nobody helps, I have exhausted all of the services it is possible to get in the UK and I feel just as suicidal if not more suicidal than I did when I was 9.

    My last suicide attempt was in may last year, I spent four days in hospital hooked to an IV because they was inducing vomiting from a lethal overdose, my blood pressure was so high I was borderline for having a heart attack.

    My family like to ignore I even have a mental illness and if I try to talk about it they get aggressive and act like they know everything when they dont. I’m exhausted and I feel like I’ve been locked in a little glass box, watching everyone I know progress whilst I’ve just be handed a noose and left alone. I dont feel like I can continue living anymore.

  54. Anonymous says:

    I’m 13 years old and I have been dealing with this problem for a long time until one day I just stopped and I felt I lost my energy but my dad heard me crying so I gave him my diary to say the words I couldn’t I don’t know if I did a good thing or a bad thing but it’s affecting everything school and home life I’ve talked to someone it didn’t really help .

  55. Adrianna says:

    I’m 14 turning 15 and since the beginning of freshman year have been experiencing high levels of sadness that led to depression and most recently suicide thoughts. It started when I went to school as a little happy ball of joy but that changed when my few friends decided I wasn’t good enough and left me to join different groups. I felt so alone and then I started struggling in school, causing my parents to push me to my limits. I felt useless and alone, that no one cared to help. Recently I attempted suicide and my dad took my phone, figuring out about my depression and started trying to console me, which mad me feel worse. He told me not to be fake and have people accept me for who I am and that those problems are small and that the depression runs in his genetics into mine.. I started being fake at school, being someone I’m not, just so that people wouldn’t play with my emotions and leave me. I have anxiety of meeting new people and being judged, so that didn’t help when I had to make new friends that left me after finding out who I really am. I really want to die but I don’t think my mom (my dad will) care to help me..

  56. Anonymous says:

    Hi im 11 and ive been trying to kill myself.Ive been to the hospital for panic attacks and dont know why. They put me in this group called wharanaki for support and because im suicidal.They keep asking me why am i having depression.”you have nothing to be depressed at “.It started when i was hanging out with my friends in our treehouse and and she lives next to a creek.anyways we were listen to music and we could see this man so we got out and he was telling us to come.we didnt go because he might have raped us.He did something so unforgettable, he started pullingndown his pants and showed us his dick .i was the oldest there. We went to the phonebox and called the police but they hung up.we then went to my friends house and we told her mum .she xalled the police and i was ment to be back home and i never forgot that day we also got interviewed

  57. S. says:

    I’m 13, and I’ve had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. I just didn’t take them seriously or know that they weren’t normal until last year in seventh grade. Everyone online says to find an adult that I’m comfortable talking to, but I can’t think of a single one that I can say that about. In the past my mom has yelled at my brother for having wound up in the hospital due to a disease, and as for the guidance counselor at school? I’ve gone to her in the past about bullying, and she did the least she could do and get away with. Now the person who bullied me is going around saying that I was the bully, but just got her in trouble to be mean. No adult in my life listens to anything I say. Literally. At dinner every night, whenever I try to speak, I’ll be in the middle of a sentence and my family will just talk over me.
    And while I’m white, the school I go to is mainly Asian, so I’m often excluded from everything, meaning I have practically no friends. And the friends I do have only talk to me when it’s convenient for them. I’ve gotten really quiet and often don’t want to talk to anyone – at all – but my dad gets mad at me and punishes me if I stop talking, because he thinks I’m just being rude to him.
    I’ve started cutting and literally beating myself up, but I don’t know what to do or who to go to. And it’s not something I think I can hide for much longer, because there’ll be times where I’ll just feel numb and nonexistent, and I won’t really know what I’m doing, so I’ll start punching myself in the face. Not because I like it, just so I can feel something…

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      The loneliness and alienation you describe sound awful. I’m so sorry. Please call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). They can tell you about places in your area where you can go and talk to someone, or they can help you over the phone. There are also other adults who might be able to help more than the guidance counselor did, whether a teacher, your doctor, or a family friend. You can even get help by email through the Samaritans organization, and you can get help by text through crisistextline.org.

      I hope you will try. As lonely and painful as your situation sounds, it is not permanent, and it can change!

  58. Anonymous says:

    I’m 15 and I know I’m depressed. I tried telling my mother but she came back with “you have nothing to be depressed for. You want us to take you to a crazy house?” I was also yelled at by my father. They said they’d take my phone away and, having a boyfriend who lives in another state and I can only really talk to on my phone, I wouldn’t know what to do. I can’t lose him and I don’t know what to do. I’m overwhelmed by school and my family makes me feel worthless, wether they mean to or not

  59. I’m almost nineteen and have experienced depression my entire life. The reason I didn’t want to tell my parents was because I didn’t feel like I had problems that warranted depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. When I finally told my mom I was depressed, she told me to just pretend to be happy. When my parents found out I was self-harming, they kept telling me I didn’t have problems, people had it worse, and that my doctor was wrong in diagnosing me with major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation.

    Despite my parents’ reactions, I still think kids should tell their parents if they’re having issues.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      I’m sorry you had those experiences with your parents. How lonely and unheard you must have felt! I hope that your name, “Recovery is my strength,” is an indication of healing you have found in your life.

  60. Anonymous says:

    Hey. I am almost 12 years old and having trouble with depression :( it’s been going on since I was 10 and I am never bullied (because I home school) But I’m just so lonley…I have no friends and I have 7 siblings who all annoy me so much and don’t know what I go through. Some time in November, I attempted suicide and was interrupted by my sister knocking on the door needing a hairbrush. I take the belt down and slip by her because I am good at smuggling things. To heal my depression temporarily, I watch surgery videos and animes such as Higarushi with lots of blood at gore and I feel so much better! I do take a Catholic school every Wednesday night at 6:00 PM to 7:00 PM and during free time no one seems to be interested in talking with me. My mom says she loves me but I never feel her love…the only person I trust is my grandma because she’s so perfect and amazing. I feel like she’s the only reason I live in right now :( I have recently got an addiction to cutting as well but not because I feel sad, it’s because I just get a craving for it. I’m so shy, I have trouble speaking to my parents and I know they should be people to trust but…I don’t trust ANYONE! Not even my family…except grandma

    • A says:

      Hey Anonymous….
      I absoloutly know how u feel….
      My mom loves me but when i talk to her about serious thins she acts as if i can not manage to fix them….
      In ur case just say something about before they notice, because if they find out you have been lying to them dude ur gonna have a lot more stress on you…
      I have tried to kill my self but dont cut yourself just get a stress ball and when ever u feel an urge throw it at the walla or just keeping squeeezing it….
      I hope this helped you dude….

  61. Donovan says:

    hey i am 16 years old and i am kind of the cool kid in our grade… so i am white and i fell in love with a coloured girl(she almost looks white). my parents believe interracial relationships is wrong but i really love her and i fight for her…so i talked to my parents about it and they kept nagging on… later they took me to a priest and he said there is nothing wrong with it. so later my parents found the naughty sexual letters we wrote to each other although we have not had any sexual contact except making out…. they called her and told her that whatever is going on between us must stop and it really upsetted her. later she got mad at me to.. and i dnt wanne go to parties anymoere cause she is there and last night everyone nagged and called me and texted me i must come and later they told me i was a dick… but i just dnt wanne face her anymore and school starts soon then i am gona need to face her.. i am totally depressed and my parents keep asking me what is wrong. also my parents are overprotective as shit… PLEASE HELP ME HOW CAN I TELL THEM I STILL LOVE HER AND THAT THEY MUST ACCEPT HER I MEAN THEY ARE TOTALLY MAKING ME MORE DEPRESSED PLEASE ANYONE HELP!!!!

    • Anonymous says:

      Donovan, sorry about that. Your parents are probably just wary of interracial activities. With that in mind, just know that it is YOUR LIFE. What YOU want to do. Your parents will care if you go out with a black girl, but again, would they do that if given a choice? Points to yes.

      Hope I helped,

  62. Mara says:

    I’m 16 and I’ve been thinking about suicide for a few years now. I don’t really know what I want to do with my life and it doesn’t help that my mom keeps pressuring me to pursue a career that I’m not even interested in. The other day I got in an argument with my mom about what she wanted me to become. She threatened that she wouldn’t pay for my college if I tried becoming something else. I found this college that I was interested in going to, so I could be with my friends, but my mom won’t let me go because it’s too far away from home. She wants me to stay home while in college, and I don’t really want to. I feel trapped. I feel like my life was never mine to begin with. I could talk to my mom about this, but I know she wouldn’t take me seriously; she never does. At this point I don’t really care about my life or my future anymore. I mean, what’s the point of living if I can’t be happy or live my own life?

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      Do you have someone else you can talk to about your suicidal thoughts and feelings of being trapped? Maybe a school counselor, family friend, physician, or other adult who could get you help? Please consider at least calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). They are available 24/7.

  63. A. says:

    I’m 14 and ive been thinking about killing myself because of my parents I don’t want to tell ether of them because they will ask why and if I tell them they will beat me and say way don’t you love us and then continue beating me in the worst possible way from kicking me to heating a knife and burning me with it I can’t except that they might be abusing me when they call me names and beat me and maybe the worst you can think if my mom even tried to take me to a doctor because she thought I was a stupid retarted idiot ever since then every insult she says to me I take it to the heart I’m a boy and on the basketball team and hang out with the “cooler” kids that are old by like a year or 2 and I cry myself to sleep every night I’m starting to feel depressed everyday and my parent can tell something is up but all they say is “if you don’t f**king fix your problem I will kill you to fix mine” that scars me and I walk to my school every morning even in harsh weather because my biggest and only fear is being in my moms car and she takes me somewhere far and ditches me and I never see my friends or things again because last time my mom tried to give me a ride and ditch me we ran into my father and he took my to school and literally feared that my mom would do such a thing I ask my mom if she loved me before I starting writing this and she told me I would rather kill my self then love you is what she told my that’s when I felt so much anger I was going to kill myself I don’t love anyone or anything any more I might just kill my self I feel better for someone knowing my story good bye everyone and everything😈😢😨😥😠😩😞😖😖😖😖😖😖

    • Mary Barnett says:

      Abdi I may be too late, but I’ve had friends an heard stories of people in your situation. Please try to find a friend that may be willin to take you in or go to the authorities. I care. Please don’t do anything. You said you have friends. They will miss you. Don’t leave them because your parents are too f-d up in the heand to see that your important. Don’t let people ruin your life. Please.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      A., what you are going through is awful. I’m so sad for you. Please tell an adult at school about the abuse and your suicidal thoughts, whether a school counselor, teacher, coach or someone else. Or a family friend, or even the police. If you live in the U.S., you can also call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). There are people who want to help you!

    • Anonymous says:

      If your still here/there call children services they will do something about it ☹️

  64. Chole says:

    Hi I’m 9 about to turn 10 and I really wanna leave and give up when I was eight this all started I was ready to kill myself t is too much stress and I haven’t never told my family also my friend hailey she’s been wanting to do the same thing as me if I go I know how my family will feel and friends so It happened because of a bully and depression has been my friend ever since I hope that one day ,y life comes to an end -Chloe

  65. conor says:

    Hi im 19 nearly 20 and i’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts for a good few years now, i’m constantly depressed and my mother just keeps pushing me everyday, not intentionally, I feel like I should tell her but everytime I try to I can’t find the words to say, I want help but I dont want to be put in some hospital, a couple of months ago I was out with a friend and when he went home I was outside in my own crying contemplating suicide, when I came home my mother started shouting at me asking me what drugs I was on so instead of telling her i’m notin drugs I was going to kill myself, I agreed with her and said I did take drugs

  66. Anonymous says:

    im 16 atemted once but stoped because i didnt wont my nephiew that was i think 3 or 4 at the time atempt to wake my life less body up i wont to tell my friend but dont wont to burden him eny more then he already is i wont to tell my high school counsaler but she will most likely tell my perants which i dont wont to tell and i feal like i have more problems then just suicide like memory most the time i dont remember my suicidal thoughts but when im alone (which i dont like being with people) i end up thinking about how easy it would be to get away or how it would be it i died for myself and for the living world

  67. Vivian says:

    I am 12, I am adopted into a family that hates me, I feel like a worthless fuck up. I have a bad habit of making the ones I feel actually care for me hate me. I think my anxiety isn’t helping. I have a constant fear that others are pretending to like me like some sick joke. I have contemplated suicide many times, and I am currently self-harming. I just want help, but I’m afraid I may never get it…

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Vivian, please please please tell someone, an adult, what you are going through. If you don’t feel comfortable or safe telling your family, then please tell a teacher, school counselor, friend’s parent, or whoever. If you are in the U.S., you can always call the national 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) to talk with someone about what you’re going through. You don’t have to be suicidal to call, although the counselors there are trained to help with suicidal crises. Please also check out the Resources page at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.

      Vivian, I know it can be scary to ask for help or to tell others of your fears. But, from where I’m sitting, it’s scarier to go through all of it alone. And you don’t have to be alone! Please talk to somebody.

    • Vivian says:

      I tried getting help by attempting to tell my mother! Landed me no where, I am currently talking with an older girl at my school, who does give me support, and makes me feel cared for, I have mental wounds, and I think she’s helping… A lot…

    • Hannah says:

      I’m 14, almost 15 and I have never actually been diagnosed with depression or anxiety but I very obviously have both. My dad, older brother and sister have it too so I guess it just passed through the family?…. I’m currently self harming, never too serious or anything but I wear a jacket 24/7 to hide it from everyone. My family can NEVER know because I have to be strong for them, dealing with my mom’s longterm illness and my dad’s depression. This year I’ve seen my mom almost die 4 times, and scarred me for life. I heard people making jokes about self harm at school…..and they have no idea what its like. I can’t seek help….I can’t tell anyone….what do I do?

  68. Theo says:

    I’m not a good person. I’m a liar, I’m too competitive to the point that I’ll cheat to do well because I’m just no good otherwise, and when I was in elementary school I was so jealous of one of the new kids because no one likes me but everyone liked her that I bullied her pretty cruelly over her weight. I dropped out of school the year i was supposed to graduate because i told the counselor i had been hurting myself with my nails and i was sent to a hospital and then a mental ward. I left after three days by lying because it was boring there and i only felt like i was worse and i havent talked to anyone about all of this since then aside from a few sympathetic online friends.

    I have two jobs now but i have to pay $300 in rent to my mom every month and im very far behind with it. I owe her around $700 now and with both jobs I’m only making $200 to $350 a month. I work with kids, one job as a babysitter for two children that i practically consider my own family, and the other with school kids that i also care about a lot, though much less personally. I’m only 18, but this is all i can do because i have no ged yet and i havent been studying to take the last two tests for it even though my future is basically riding on it. I just dont care. I’m too stubborn to kill myself because mom tried to kill herself when my older brother committed suicide and i dont want her death to be my fault too, but she’s gotten married recently and that excuse is less and less compelling because her husband and i dont get along to say the least but he does keep her happy and if she does try something he’ll be there to stop her. So there’s not any reason to stick around anymore, and i hate that im even considering such a thing because so many people would love to be in my position with two jobs, wonderful kids to look after, an only $300 in rent every month.

    Something is wrong with me. I’m fucked up and i hate myself and i dont deserve any of the good things i have but i also don’t want to let them go. I don’t know what to do.

  69. Anonymous says:

    I’m 11, and I was told to killmyself by my mom, this is just hurting me and I don’t know what to do.

  70. Abigail says:

    I’ve only just turned 12, why do I want to die so bad? I feel cutting and self harming is my only way to escape reality. I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself and fake a smile because I’d rather do that than get asked 1000 questions on what’s wrong. I’ve tried counselling, none of it worked and when I told my parents it just made it worse seen as the response was “stop attention seeking”, “maybe if you wasn’t such a slag people wouldn’t say anything”, “your just a worthless fuck up”

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Abigail, I’m so sorry. The feelings you describe are terribly painful at any age, but to experience them at 12 seems especially unjust. I hope you will not give up on getting help. You said counseling didn’t work, but there are many types of counseling and many more counselors, so something and someone else might help you more. Please try talking to other adults – a teacher, perhaps, or another relative. And if they don’t help, please try again. I suspect you’re not in the U.S. (“slag” is not a common term here) so I won’t repeat the number for our suicide prevention hotline. Instead, please check out the Resources at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.

  71. Kelsey says:

    I want to commit suicide. I am now in 9th grade. When I was in middle school I felt like this for a while due to things going on at home. Right before 8th grade ended I met someone who made all of my pain just fade away. We dated for over six months and through out those six months I almost never felt depressed. We recently broke up and now everything has come back to me. I am doing horrible in school, so I know I will amount to nothing if I do live. Now he is suicidal: No one knows I am so he doesn’t know that if he ends his life I most definitely will end mine. I am scared to tell my mom I feel this way and I am scared to tell his mom he feels that way because she hates me and then he will hate me. I don’t know what to do.

  72. Caitlyn says:

    I am 12 almost 13 and my parents always nag on me to do better in school and Im stressed everyday…. I have tried committing suicide it did not work. please help me tell me what to do to help me from doing it. I really need help please tell me how to stop these thoughts.

    • Emily says:

      Not to be negative but it only gets worse from here. Your only in middle school still, which doesn’t even count. I tried to be as average/slightly below average in middle school so I wouldn’t be pushed so damn hard in high school. The better you do the harder they push you to be BETTER! I was always the straight A kid in elementary school and I slowly weaned my parents to the idea that a C is fine, even good. Now I’m just trying to get through freshman year. I don’t even stress over it so much but it’s killing me slowly inside because if you don’t get good grades you won’t get into a good college, and if you don’t get into a good college you won’t be able to get a good job, and if you can’t get a good job, you’ll have a terrible life. It’s all over some silly little letters. I’m really struggling with it all right now, my parents don’t take me seriously, I’m depressed and all they try to do is make be “BE HAPPY” and I hate it, it pisses me off more and just makes me think about how I CAN’T be happy, not with all this stress and being burnt out by school. I can’t complain or they won’t take me seriously, I hate it so much. If I talk about it all to my mom she (without fail) brings up Christianity, I’m being raised in a very Christian home and I don’t even know what I am. I’ve done the whole asking for forgiveness for my sins and knowing that Jesus died on the cross for my sins but I don’t feel different. I’d say I’m not a great Christian but it pisses me off so much that she thinks just because I’m a Christian means that my life is perfect and I shouldn’t complain and that God will solve everything. Then why do I still feel so sad and awful and hopeless? I come home from school wanting to just lie down and go to sleep and never wake up. Motivational speeches just make it worse, I’m only ever happy with my horses and even then I worry about how we need to buy so much hay and how I might as well sell them but they’re the little string of hope I’m hanging onto right now. I’d die without my horses and they’re the only reason I haven’t just jumped off a bridge. I just don’t know what to do. I want help but I don’t but I need it but I hate the attention and I just want to be left alone. It physically hurts and I hate myself and everything.

  73. VCain says:

    I can’t tell my parents about my self-harming and suicidal thoughts, because I need to be strong for them. My Mum, Dad and brother all have depression, my brother being on anti-depressants, and my nan needed electroshock therapy for manic depression which wiped her memory. My parents confess their problems to me and use me as a shoulder to cry on, calling me their “happy little girl”, and I can’t bring myself to shatter that image. My brother went through virtually the same thing when he was my age, but with burning instead of cutting, and I can’t put my parents through that again. It’s difficult to manage it on my own, but I’m trying to overcome it without confiding in them or my friends. I maintain a normal personality most of the time, so nobody will suspect what’s really going on, but it got quite bad at one point and I minorly overdosed on paracetamol. It made my midsection hurt a lot, but I got over it. To be honest, I would rather die than tell my parents.

  74. Hannah says:

    During elementary school, being the new kid starting in 2nd grade, and never going to school before then I was slightly behind, but quickly caught up and I have had straight A’s and B’s since then. I was a very happy kid all through elementary school, and most of my teachers liked me because I was respectful and a nice kid. But when I started middle school, I guess I was just overwhelmed with everything and my friends started leaving me and I became a social outcast. I did go through a “Gothic phase” but stopped, but in seventh grade I started cutting to releave stress, anxiety, and my depressing thoughts. Now I am an eighth grade student, and cut very often, almost daily. I would NEVER tell my parents or a teacher, because I will become the main factor of more of their financial problems due to therapy or hospitilization. My parents are going through a lot of money problems and my mom’s longterm illness(which will never go away). I’ve seen my mom almost die 4 times in one year, and just this month I watched as she had a seizure and I had to call 911. Anyway, depressing thoughts are on my mind 24\7 and I’ve had suicidal thoughts, but I know I would never actually attempt.
    I would never tell my parents this, because either: (1) they will think I want attention (2) they will say I’m just a teen going through a phase and dismiss it as a joke, making me feel foolish (3) over react to the point where they never leave me alone and pity me, which pity has always bothered me tremendously…..

    I don’t know what to do….. Everything is so overwhelming, and the only thing that has helped me is art and music……

  75. rozi says:

    I’m 14 when my mom found I was cutting and trying to end my life she grounded me and said if I did it again I’m going to the mental hospital AGAIN it only got worse and now know one knows.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I am so sorry. It must be awful to feel punished by your mother when what you need is understanding and empathy. I hope you will seek such understanding from others. For whatever reasons, your mother is unable to provide it right now. She might be scared. She might be in denial. She might be trying to get you to change through coercion, though with good intentions. And other reasons are possible, too.

      Please talk to someone else. A counselor at school. A teacher. A suicide hotline. Anyone, even.. Keep searching. There are people who can help.

      If you live in North America, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline any time, at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). That might be a good place to start.

      You do not have to be alone with this.

  76. Trisha says:

    I always tell my mom how I am suicidal, but she just dismisses it like it is my fault….she doesn’t take me seriously either…..I never know what to do and I never feel like anyone truly cared enought to understand that I am serious about everything… :(

  77. Anonymous says:

    I’m in college and have dealt with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts since middle school. My parents have known about my issues for years, and I believe that they try to help in their own way. However, they also believe that I can overcome my feelings by willpower alone and I can no longer bring myself to talk to them if I feel like I am struggling. I know they want what is best for me, but I wish they would let me be weak in front of them when I need to most.

  78. Anonymous says:

    Recently, about 6 months my older sister attempted suicide. When I found out, I was shocked, and thought maybe I should tell our parents about my past suicidal thoughts. I’ve done research and concluded that I have SAD as well as some other things. When I was talking to my sister and told her about SAD, she just laughed it off and said go outside more. That didn’t help when our parents were already mad at her for it and were complaining about the hospital bills. I don’t know what to do, I’ve been better recently, but I’m falling back into old habits of self-harm. I don’t want to tell one of my two good friends and make them deal with telling someone or feeling guilty if I do attempt. I really don’t know what to do.

  79. SJP says:

    It started to become clear to me that something was wrong with me about 2 1/2 years ago, and I researched endlessly until I came to a satisfying answer. It’s is extremely obvious that I have a personality disorder and I have been self harming for 2 1/2 years as well. My mom knows now about that, but does not believe that I have a disorder, she said that the only reason I’m cutting myself is because I’m 15 and it’s a diffucult age. She thinks she knows all about it just because when she was my age she cut her self too. She said that I’m just on another level, and offered the opinion that I Might be crazy but I think she was being sort of free speeched with that. She has done this to me before, she always invalidates the way I feel and never lets anyone else voice an opinion without trying to be “right”. When she does this to me it makes me feel worse. I’m supposed to be getting counseling or therapy soon and I hope that a doctor will let me take some sort of psychological evaluation so that I can at least have a diagnosis so my mom understands me. I want a way to make her realize that there are teens that aren’t messed up just because they are teens. She didn’t even let me tell her why I think I have a personality disorder. So she doesn’t even really know what my feelings are, so how can she know the problem without knowing the symptoms?

  80. Anonymous says:

    I’m not sure where else to take this problem… I’m 17, starting senior year in 2 days… I’ve done extensive research on depression and I’m pretty sure I’ve suffered from it all the way since 7th grade when a very important person to me passed away due to cancer. In 8th grade, I was still very shaken up over it ( though I never had anyone to talk to about it ), and it started affecting school life; my grades plummeted… Near the end of that year, I tried getting help, though not directly… It ended with my being unable to leave my room unless it was for the bathroom or school for 2 months with no entertainment but my books because she just got so angry and offended that I, (in her mind) absolutely perfect, can do no wrong, and will never have anything wrong daughter would do that to her… She’s very intelligent, and she recognizes depression as a problem that must be solved in everyone but me… She denies every problem that I may have, physically or mentally….

    And so far all throughout high school, I’ve had only small periods where I’m genuinely happy– but then the smallest thing could happen and then I suddenly relapse into this again. Just a few months ago it reached another low where I was once again contemplating suicide… And the thoughts they were just so dark and vivid that I was genuinely scared… I don’t know what to do anymore about it…. I want so much just to be able to be a normal teenager for at least the last 2 years of it– I want a personality of my own not consumed by depression… But I can’t talk to my parents ( dad would at least understand, but mom wont…. It will just be a repeat of 8th grade ) and my school counselors ( believe me, I’ve tried talking to them, too ) will direct everything I say right back to my mother, too… and she’ll be even more pissed than if I brought it up directly with her… Even then, we can’t afford any therapists or psychologists…..
    I know very well I’m not at risk for suicide or any such thing– I don’t even self harm… But my mind is a mess… I don’t want to be like this anymore…

  81. Anonymous says:

    Im sixteen, and trying to deal with depression that began when i was thirteen. At first it was solely because of my weight and my awkwardness. Iost control one day and screamed at my mother and told her i wanted to die. She responded with a lot of these actions and asked me if i wanted to see a therapist so many times. The first time i said yes but after that i told her not to worry about it. (Money has always been tight.) since then she has only asked me about it once. I believe her exact words were “aren’t you glad you didnt carry out that stupid plan of yours?” And i said yeah. Sure. I didnt tell her that i still thought about it. I didnt tell her i have anxiety over talking to anyone or doing anything lately. I didnt tell her i still cut and my feelings have gotten worse. I feel like i dont belong anywhere. Now its almost unbearable and every day is a living hell, a lie that im forced to keep up. “Yes im happy” “yes im going to try and take ap classes” “yes im going to have so many friends” and i moved states for the first time and schools for the third time. I hate my life and im tired of everything.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      It is all too clear that you are suffering. And that you feel alone and misunderstood. I encourage you to reach out for help. Perhaps, if you tell your mother, she will surprise you with a different level of understanding and attention. Perhaps not. Telling her that you are happy and hopeful, though, gives her no opportunity to understand your true pain.

      If not your mother – or if telling your mother is more painful than helpful – there are other resources. You can talk to a teacher or counselor at your new school once classes start. You can talk to your physician or nurse. You can tell another adult you know. And you can call or text one of the crisis hotlines out there, including the Crisis Text Line, which is set up specifically for teens.

      To access the Crisis Text Line, if you are in the U.S. text 741741. (I don’t think it’s available outside the U.S.) You can learn more here: http://www.crisistextline.org/faq/

      There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, also in the U.S. It’s available 24/7 at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK).

      For more places where you can receive help anonymously by phone, Internet, or text, check out the Resources page on this site here: http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp

      Good luck to you! May you receive help, feel less alone, and feel better soon.

  82. Anonymous says:

    Great… today I had a moment of extreme anger and sadness with my mom as a part of my depression and splurted out that I felt like killing myself at that moment. Once the situation calmed down, I tried to explain to her that it was out of anguish, and how I’d never actually try to commit, let alone seriously think about it: I treasure my life and think I’m doing great… aside from problems within my family.
    Well, now I have to go EVERYWHERE with her. To the grocery store, to the post office, to the mailbox, in the garage… I’m no longer allowed to stay alone. I just don’t get why she doesn’t trust me, even after I calmly explained to her that I would never do such a thing, esp. considering the pain it could inflict on everyone around me. I mean, I understand that she’s worried and fearful, but I never told her I was considering anything. I know my life isn’t something I should throw away, and understand that this is something I can stay strong with and pull through.
    That being said, I honestly hate myself more, as a part of my family. In addition, I’m scared that anything coming out of my mouth will destroy the freedom I have left and relationship with my mom.

    • anonymous says:

      i very recently told my mom the same thing and now im going to be moving in a room with my little sister and i cant be left alone. she took my phone away so that means no communication with my friends or any of my family out of the house because i need to get back in “reality” because im on my phone too much so now me a 15 year old girl has 0 freedom, staying with someone always looking over my sholder and no friends to vent to or anything. to me this is not going to do anything but make me more depressed and she just doesnot understand.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I am so sorry. It sounds like your disclosure led to less freedom and more isolation. I don’t know your situation, but generally speaking my experience has been that parents are well meaning and acting out of fear when they restrict a suicidal child’s actions. The prospect of losing a child to suicide is understandably terrifying. Many times, though, the parents’ efforts at protecting their child can feel like punishment to the child and even have harmful consequences.

      I hope you will reach out to others for help, too. Perhaps someone can help you to negotiate with your mother, so that you both are working toward your safety and recovery in the most effective ways possible. Or perhaps someone can help you to cope with what you are facing. Even if the situation cannot change, the ways you react to it and cope with it can change, and this can lessen your pain, too.

      Finally, whatever led you to disclose your suicidal feelings in the first place needs to be addressed. For this, I encourage you to confide in a trusted adult or to reach out to resources that are available to you. A good place to start is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). There’s also the Crisis Text Line, which was set up to help teens who are in danger of dying by suicide; to reach them, text 741741 in the U.S.

      Good luck to you, and may you experience relief, recovery, and connection with someone who can help you – soon!

  83. Anonymous says:

    1, 2, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10
    My family does everyone of these

  84. Anonymous says:

    Number 1 made me cry because I know that’s what will happen to me………..

    • Jeannine says:

      You will be alright, try counseling in your school, and remember that teenager are the most understood people on earth. If you ever need to talk I am here for you! :) Stay strong I believe in you

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Thank you, Jeannine, for your compassionate and supportive comment.

      A question: Did you mean to say that teenagers are the most misunderstood people on earth?

    • Anonymous says:

      same here… just remember you’re not in this alone

  85. Anonymous says:

    Help me

  86. Anonymous says:

    I’ve had suicidal thoughts daily for years now . I refuse to talk to my mom about it because when she first found out about my self harm, she would hold it against me . Like a few months ago , we were fighting and she yelled “if you were smart enough you wouldn’t have done that !” To which I responded to “what” “you know what I’m talking about!!!(she then took a pencil and drew fast lines across her arm , )”

    • Jeannine says:

      It is alright, your mom just loves you very much and she is going through a lot of pressure that her beautiful child has suicidal thoughts, hang in there you will be alirght if you need to talk email me!:)

    • rose says:

      Dude, thats not concern, that abusive. She shouldn’t be using that against you or acting like it affects her more than it affects you.

  87. Anonymous says:

    I’m afraid to tell my mom because she told me that if I choose to be depressed then she would not help me, and would cut me off from the family… I’m not sure why she has such strong feelings, but I don’t want to tell her because I know how she will react. I told my dad, and he ignored every word… As if I had said nothing at all. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to do this alone.

    • Cats101 says:

      Please tell me what to do. I did something bad and my brother knows about it. He forces me to do everything like clean the entire house. Im tired of living under his control. If my parents figure out i will be dead. What do i do?

  88. girli ntheattic says:

    I would drop hints that I’m not okay,heck I would even try locking myself from the world. But since my other cousin were depressed they thought this was a phase and that I was just copying. This ‘phase’ has been going on for three years going on four. No one has noticed. I one time told my mom about it she said that feeling was stupid an I shouldn’t feel that way.

  89. katie32004 says:

    i am afraid to tell my parents cause i know she wont believe me she will think i’m copying my sister and my dad. i have already tried killing myself over how many times and i cry all the time. i already asked my mom multiple times if i can see a therapist and she said yeah we will see and she never talked about it again. and when i asked my dad to see a therapist he said i had to talk to my mom about it but she doesn’t believe me

    • Krysta132001 says:

      Hi I’m going through the same thing. If you ever need to talk I’m here.

    • girli ntheattic says:

      I know how you feel. I went to the therapist once to talk about my feeling but my mom only told me to talk about minor problems, the stupid ones. Now the therapist thinks I over react to thinks like ‘friends’

    • Brandon says:

      I’ve been suicidal and depressed since I was 10 and I’m 13 now please kill me before I kill my parents for the things they’ve done to me

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly that you want to kill yourself. I would like to help you get help. Where do you live?

      I urge you to call 911 for immediate help. Also you can call a 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK).

      Please also feel free to email me directly at sfreedenthal@gmail.com.

      Please take care and do not act on your thoughts. Help is available!

  90. Ave says:

    I have two sides to me. The first side of me is the smiling, and happy side that only comes out in the day. At night, the second side comes out.

    I don’t know if I’m depressed, or if I’m just crazy because I think about death a lot. I think about suicide a lot. I think about how much I hate this world. I have a good life, good family, and I have everything I will ever need. But I’m just not happy. I fake my smiles throughout the day because I have to or else people will think something is wrong. They don’t care about me. I don’t know why they would ask if I was okay. I’ve cut once, and thought about suicide many times. I don’t think I will ever actually attempt it, but I’m scared of the things I might do in the future. I want to tell my mom so bad, but I’m scared to. She has so much on her plate right now because my baby brother had a mental illness and a disease that can lead to death.

    What really started all of this was when my Dad almost died. I told my “friends” at the time and they didn’t care. That hurt me so much. I bawled my eyes out in front of a bunch of people in my family. Throughout multiple months, I’ve been having weird feelings and suicide thoughts. I’ve planned on how I’m going to do it and everything, but I just don’t know if I really could do it.

    Over about 7 months it’s gotten worst. At night is when I cry and cry until I get tired and just fall asleep. I’ve began to have mood swings a lot and my day starts out great and then by the afternoon, it’s turns out terrible. One little thing a person does can trigger my anger. I scream at people now and I’ve been getting into trouble with my mom more. I honestly do not care about life anymore. I wouldn’t care if I died tomorrow or in the next 5 minutes. When I look at scissors or knives I imagine blood and death. It’s dart the way I think of things now. I’m scared of myself. I need help on how to tell my mom. I want help before its to late.

    • Adelia says:


      I’m no expert on helping with suicide but I will do whatever I can… I want to help you. I want to help anyone who needs it. There is a way out. Please contact me: adelia1001@gmail.com.

      All my love,

    • Jeannine Cordoba says:

      I am going through the exact same thing! I am here for you :) If you ever need someone to talk to!

  91. Georgiagirl123! says:

    My sister has cancer and my mom and her has just got back from doing radiation. While they were gone I was having a lot of symptoms such as: heart racing, shortness of breath, being scared I was going to die in my sleep, numbness, and a lot more. Then, everything I did I felt sad or I will start having fun and then I will think of something bad again. When they got back I started telling mom about the numbess because everything else was going away and she said I will be fine to stop being a drama queen but then my brother mentioned something and she was like its probably anxinty. My mom thinks I don’t have nothing wrong with that I’m seeking attention but I really need help. I don’t want to tell her the way I’m feelings because she’s not going to listen. When she came home. Something in my head started telling that I don’t love her and it is irritating me because I love her more than anything in the world. Then I started getting scared I was going to give up on my life. Every since she’s gotten home she hasn’t gave me a lot of attention she has went places with her friend.

  92. Sarah16098 says:

    I told my parents I want to disappear and die, and they told me there was nothing wrong with me and I need to learn how to control my feelings. I don’t know if it’s my fault or if I really can’t control it. I just feel very sad at times. After I told them I want to die, I feel so alone. I told them this and it was like they didn’t care at all and I was just being dramatic. I have a really good family and life and no reason to be upset compared to others, but I am. Are they right? Can I control my upset feelings that easily?

  93. Suicidal says:

    I think I’m suffering with depression and have been possibly for the last four or five months, maybe longer thinking about it, but especially because I can relate to a lot of the symptoms of depression especially including suicidal thoughts. I have a few ideas to what has triggered it all but I’m not 100% sure.

    I want to go to a doctor or even just tell a teacher at school but I feel if I do so, I’m betraying my mother because she’s my mother and deserves to know. I’ve told three of my best friends and they’re supportive of me and are there for me. It’s not that my mother wouldn’t be understanding because I know she would but I know how much it will break her if I tell her and I don’t want to do that to her especially after seeing her break down when my nan died because I’m scared history will just repeat itself if I do decide to tell her.

    It’s not that I don’t have a good life going for me because I do and I know I do. I feel like I have too much of my life (other than this) together as I don’t harm myself (although I’ve thought about it), I don’t drink or take drugs, I’m healthy enough otherwise and I play sports to try take my mind off things. I hate myself for it all because so many other teens around my age have it so much worse than me and all I can think about is ending my life.

    I’m only 16 and I still have a life ahead of me I know, but I just don’t want to live anymore. Though I have so many suicidal thoughts & so often, I don’t think I’ll act on my thoughts or at least for now.

    I really need ideas of who to tell first, when, how, and if I do decide to tell my mother how do I do so & when. I really appreciate any help because any help is better than no help. Thank you.

    • Anonymous says:

      I feel you 100% What I did though, I wrote my mother a note telling her how I feel and about my suicidal thoughts and she was so supportive. Also, I feel a lot better.. Maybe you could try that, seems like your mother would be supportive..

    • Lexi says:

      Hey I have the same problem. I have a great life and I play a bunch of sports. I’m also scared to tell my mother about my suicidal thoughts. I’m 14, though.

    • Adadave says:

      I have the same feelings as well oftentimes. I look around and I’m the odd man out. I feel I’m just some boring loser because I don’t play a flashy sport like football or soccer, I run and do martial arts. I’m also religious and I’m only 14 and committed to that religion… And yet I feel people make fun of me for this. There’s one guy in gym that basically calls me a loser for having good grades and not being good at the sports he’s at. I’d ignore him, except that a bunch of other people then get the same impression of me and it gets terrible. Another kid in that class who was shunned also died. They said it was an accident involving rope, but I have thoughts otherwise… In other classes because I’m in a school with a lot of smart people, I feel shunned because I’d rather play the piano and fun music stuff instead of playing video games, or learning calculus, (because I need to feel like I’m a no-life even more :P) and I get the impression people find me stupid despite being in an advanced program at school. I know God has given me gifts and some things are in life to make us stronger, and better, but I don’t know what to do at this point…

      And my mood also is easily spoiled. I can start off the week happy, but after Monday, it’s gotten bad. People set me off and I feel shunned again. I’ve mentioned to my parents that I often feel shunned at school for being who I am. But I don’t want to tell them everything. I don’t want to to tell them that I’ve had suicidal thoughts, that I’ve written stories of killing everyone who is mean to me, or I end up killing myself. I’ve even gotten to the point of knowing how I would commit suicide at this point, if I really wanted to… But the only thing holding me back is how 8 people would react, my 4 friends, and my family… I can’t stand making other people feel that way.

      Another thing, I’ve never hurt anyone YET… but I know that one day soon, someone is going to make me lash out and I’ll beat them up… I must have some majorly good self-control from Martial Arts to not do so yet, but my temper is getting worse everyday, and I’m getting more depressed and less happy every week.

  94. Ria Walker says:

    I talk about parents talking to their teens all the time. Recently I have included younger ages because as a nurse, mom and minister I am running into younger and younger children who are not being listened to by parents, grandparents and people in general. If you won’t take time to listen then get them to someone trained to listen! We need to stop being so busy

  95. Arianna says:

    I just want to die… My parents recently found out about my cutting for the second time and constantly ask me if I’m okay or if I’ve “done it again.” I don’t feel as though they understand in the slightest and much mom especially always comes up with things like “oh so it’s a very clever tipping you’ve done, is it!” And she’ll often get mad and violent. Now both my parents are insisting I get help, but they’re ramming it down my throat, and just because I’m stubborn, I do not want to go; I’m close to resolving that if they force me, I simply will not talk. And it’s not as if, in my opinion, they really care. It’s almost as if it’s their duty, as parents, but if they could, they wouldn’t bother with me. They don’t say I should get help in a way to imply they genuinely care, it seems more as if it’s a derogatory statement to say, “you’re crazy, you need help.” I would not really mind going to talk to someone… But me being me, if I’m forced, and not given an option, I won’t do it. End of.
    I don’t know what to do anymore… I feel completely numb and am crying so much. I just want to die. I don’t really know why I’m posting this. Maybe just because I want someone who may actually understand to know? I’m not sure. But I just want to die.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I am sorry you are suffering so badly. I hope you will consider reaching out to someone else if your parents are not helpful. If you are in North America, please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). You could also turn to a teacher, counselor, minister, neighbor, coach, parent of a friend, or other relative – really, any adult who might be able to help.

      I also hope you will read this post and consider the questions that are asked: Are You Thinking of Killing Yourself?

    • Anonymous says:

      Hey, I feel the same way too but I guess we just gotta hang in there and hope for the best…You might think I’m saying that to make you feel better but, I actually do feel ur pain I go through it too…I guess we just gotta keep moving forward!

    • Ria Walker says:

      Don’t be discouraged. You are not alone there are other young people who “just want to die”. Your parents are trying to help the best way they know how. It’s hard for a person not trying to kill themselves or have not had that thought to be clueless. If this is where you get heard then by all means speak, and loudly. You obviously have a lot that needs to be said. I have 5 sons and 3 have had suicidal thoughts. And I stopped in my tracks and listened. I pray that you run into someone who lets you scream your head off. cuss everyone out. throw, kick and scream
      Marie ( mom, nurse, minister and listener)

  96. kb97 says:

    I’ve never told them because my younger brother had attempted suicide before and while I have wanted to die or disappear (but have no specific plan) and I sometimes self harm (just barely deep enough to draw blood and in areas they won’t see) I worry they will react as if it is the same severity as my brother, who has needed stitches for cuts several times and has attempted suicide three times now. I don’t want to worry them more and I don’t think they’ll realize that my situation is different than my brother’s. I need to talk to someone, not be taken to the inpatient adolescent psychiatric place that’s become their go to for when my brother comes to them to tell them he is suicidal.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I am sad that you’re experiencing a hard time and feeling that you can’t get help for it. I hope you will consider telling your parents. What if they don’t respond negatively? What if they actually are able to get you help?

      Also, it might help you to know that inpatient psychiatric units usually will not admit someone who is not a serious danger to himself or herself, or to others. Simply having thoughts of wanting to die or disappear, and engaging in self harm that produces only slight wounds, usually is not reason to be admitted, even if the person wants to be! For more information, see my post Will I Be Committed to a Mental Hospital if I Tell a Therapist about my Suicidal Thoughts?

      Having a brother who attempted suicide and is hospitalized multiple times must be very hard. Your own life situation might make it harder. Please do consider telling your parents and giving them the opportunity to help you.

  97. Leah says:

    I think my mom is best described like this:

    You know those dreams where something really bad is happening? Say, right outside the widow there’s this gigantic tornado tearing up the neighborhood. And you turn to whoever’s next to you in the dream and say,

    “Look! Looook!!!! Do you see that huge tornado over there?!?! We have to get to shelter!!!”

    to which the person will reply: “Yeah I see it, but I don’t think we need to go to the basement or anything.” and continue doing what they were doing.

    and the gigantic tornado is coming closer and closer to the house, so again you try to make them see that it’s dangerous, and that you need to take shelter immediately.

    But they just don’t get it. You know what i’m talking about?

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I felt anxious just reading your comment! The tornado, the denial, the need for shelter – all portray so much urgency.

      Is there someone you can talk to who will not only see the tornado, but react accordingly?

      At a minimum, please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) if you are in North America. You also might find helpful resources on this site’s resources page. It lists ways to get help by phone, email, text, or chat.

  98. Katherine says:

    It’s ironic how my mother is all of these. She even said half of the comments here like “How could you do this to me?” and “If you really loved me, you would never think of suicide.” It’s such a joke. I tell her i’m schizophrenic i have DID and she looks at me as if i’m alien… tell her i have anxiety and even though she’s seen me have panic attacks and schizo episodes she replies “you’re normal”. Some parents will never understand. They want the perfect ideal children. But i’m not, and rather than face the facts and help they’d rather live a lie and pretend all is okay
    Oh and then the worst thing- Parents think its a phase. That you’ll just get over being suicidal. Just a stupid teenage phase. For Gods sake i drank half a bottle of bleach when I was 5 1/2 years old. More than twelve years later i’m still suicidal… 16 attempts…. that hasn’t changed… I need help…i want you to hug me and tell me everything will be okay… but no now i’m forbidden from even leaving the house except for school… she doesn’t want any “outside culture” to affect me. After all i have no reason to be suicidal. I haven’t been through any major traumas have I? Jokes on you Mom because even though you know what happened you refuse to acknowledge it. And Mom you can take everything away from me but you can’t take away my thoughts. I’m sorry.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I’m sorry you’re feeling so isolated and misunderstood. Those feelings are painful, on top of everything else it sounds like you are dealing with.

      Are you getting help? Do you have others in whom you can confide? Please see this site’s Resource Page for a list of places where you can get help by phone, text, chat, or email.

  99. Jay says:

    Do you have any advice on how teens should approach their parents on suicide?
    I don’t want to hurt them and disappoint them by showing that they have one of “those” kids; I don’t want to be written off as some emotional spoiled teenage girl who’s calling for attention through self harm or grandiose shocking statements either.
    But I don’t know if I can wait until I’m legally old enough to privately get help without involving them. I thought I could wait but I’m so scared I’ll hurt myself again, and they’ll find out after something happens.
    Please help if you can or have time
    Sorry to bother and thanks

    • Praying parent says:

      Jay, The way I found out is that my daughters therapist called me in. She said to me take a deep breath and stay calm. Then they sprung the news on me. And I have to say as a parent, I didn’t have any thoughts of maybe it was for attention or I had one of those kids… all I thought was OMG my baby! (even tho she was a teen).. And what do I need to do to help her. Then I went thru the “how could I have not know this” phase. I am telling you this because sometimes we dont say what needs to be said because we are afraid of reactions from others. If you have a therapist or even a different adult that your parents and you are comfortable with ask them to help you talk to your parents.

      I dont know your parents or how they would react but my daughter (I have learned from group sessions) had always thought I would “freak out on her ” as she put it..

      If you have to do it on your own.. maybe you can say I have to talk to both of you and I am scared so please listen and try not to react quickly because I really need you right now and I love you. Tell them that you are afraid of disappointing them and you are not doing this for attention but you can’t handle this on your own anymore are you want and need help.

      I have no medical experience what so ever I am just a parent letting you know things that helped me with accepting it and helping my daughter.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “Praying Parent,”

      Thank you so much for contributing. I think your words will really help Jay. How lucky to have your perspective!

      I truly appreciate the way you reach out to others on this site with kindness and concern. Thank you.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I’m so sorry you’re struggling like this – and struggling alone. “Praying Parent” conveyed well how many parents would react to their child’s telling them about self harm and suicidal thoughts – with nothing but compassion, concern, sadness, and love. Do you have reason to believe your parents wouldn’t respond that way?

      Speaking as a parent myself, if my child were suffering, I would want to know! I would want to be able to help.

      Jay, I know you don’t want your parents to think less of you, or to think that you are “just” seeking attention, or “spoiled,” as you put it. My own sense of the parents I’ve worked with in my therapy practice is that most parents do not have such reactions. But I will not lie. Some do.

      If your parents do have negative judgments, it can feel hurtful and rejecting, no doubt about it. But … and this is an important but … it’s far more important that you get the help you need.

      Your parents can’t help you if they don’t know. I think “Praying Parent’s” idea to involve another adult is a good one, if you don’t feel safe telling your parents alone. And if for some reason your parents don’t take seriously your requests for help, is there a teacher or counselor at school who could help? Depending on where you live, many school counselors can help you get into counseling or some other kind of mental health services.

      If your parents are disbelieving or judgmental but you do go into therapy, your therapist will be able to educate your parents about the realities of emotional problems (for example, depression, in case that is what you have). The fact is, no one *chooses* to be in so much emotional pain that self harm seems like a solution.

      Good luck, Jay! May your parents, if you confide in them, respond just the way you hope.

    • Jay says:

      Hi, and thank you so much for your answers
      Praying parent, where did your daughter go to for a therapist? I would really want a professional adult I can trust if I were to ask my parents, but I doubt my school counselor can help; they think I have an attitude problem and maybe I do, but I want someone who doesn’t already have a biased view of me. They also think its just stress because I’m an Asian girl in high school, and that its mainly just my attitude and classes. But to be honest, I stopped caring a long time ago about school and a lot of the other things I used to love, and I want someone to talk to professionally.

      Thank you both so much for answering and sharing your stories

    • Praying parent says:

      Jay, We found my daughters therapist from her health insurance. We called them and they gave us the name and number to a social worker who provided therapy. She originally went to help her learn to cope with the stress she was experiencing. My daughter was scared and not happy about the idea of therapy, but she is so grateful she went. Our high school also has a therapist that she can go and talk to if she needs.

  100. depressive says:

    i want to commit suicide for a very long time. I was bullied at primary school by everyone even the teachers. I hated everyday there.They made fun of me all the time.tell me said to me I should go to hell and people hate me and say i don’t have any friends and saying worse stuff behind my back. i couldn’t stop them. i wanted to but i couldn’t. worse even my brother bullied me to with them. Laughs and jokes about me never stop

    My parents aren’t much of help. They don’t care about me. My mother rarely said that she loves me or anything nice to me , she just says i’am a alien , an idiot even worse things. All the time she says why aren’t you like you cousin. I hate my cousin because she loved her more than me. My father just shouts all the time. There was never Harmony in the house never. I thought my dad will kill mom. They never stopped fighting. Even in public places. What a nightmare. It would have been better if they divorced rather than a loveless marriage. I am afraid of a relationship because of my parents. My brother isn’t much of help. Then i high school it was the same i was bullied again. I tried to talk about it with my mother. I told her that i was depressed. What does a mother do when her kid tell her that? I don’t know. But my mother laughed at me, and said if me and your father die you would have a reason to be depressed . They always ignored my feelings. My mother is doctor but jet she made me go to school sick all the time. She loved my brother more than me and ignored me nearly all the time. I had to learn thinks myself cause they were to busy with my brother. (example I learned to swim myself before my brother even if they were both busy with him. well they didn’t care that much that i did. And if my brother was sick a little mam would go crazy for him. I told her i am sick she would go. Really now. My dad never spoke just shouted.)And know i am at university. Studying something i don’t like because my parent forced me to. I hate it a lot and can’t even study. Worse thing i am studying with my cousin. She has better grades than me. Trouble for me. And this depression and thoughts of death are killing me. I tried to talk to my mother again but she made same response laughed. I have also a bit of mental problem so i am thinking of commit suicide since a was 7 or less. This is the first time i am expressing my feelings. Am a bit scared. Can anybody help me? (Sorry for bad English)

    • Praying parent says:

      Dear Depressive… I can see your pain thru your words. You have experienced so much all your life and I can see that you were hurt and are still hurting. Thank you for sharing that was very brave. I am not a doctor and can not offer medical advice. I am a mother of a daughter who has experienced a lot of pain. If you can close your eyes for just a moment and picture me holding you in my arms the way a mother does… YOU are important… YOU matter… YOU are cared for and loved. You have worked so hard to hang in there..from when you were 7 until now… thats great work!!! And it was done by you! Not by bullies, not by jealous or unloving people. You need to take the steps to make yourself feel better. You do not need ANYONE’S permission to seek out help. All you need is courage to go one more day. Call the suicide talk line. 1.800.273.8255. I am sure they can help you find someone in your area to speak to . Just go ask… and remember the one thing in life that you can count on is that things always change.. I will be praying for you and your strength because you matter to me.

      Read more at:

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I am so saddened by the suffering you are going through. How awful to feel so rejected and judged by your parents (especially your mom), so unsafe in your home, and so attacked by depression and suicidal thoughts. How brave of you to share your story for the first time. This is the part of you that wants to live – the part of you that is desperate for help.

      If you live in the U.S., then the number that “Praying Parent” gave is a good place to start – 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). That is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and it is open all day and night, every day and night. They will be able to connect you to a hotline counselor in or near your area who can then give you local resources.

      Regardless of where you live, you can also get help from others by chat, text, and email. You can find these resources at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.

  101. Anonymous says:

    I want to cumit suicide because I get bullied a lot and people tell me I should go to hell and people hate you and say you don’t have any friends and saying stuff behind your back and also say I wish you were never alive and you want to fight them but you can’t and people make you cry. I need help tell me what you think I should do.plsssss

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “Anonymous,” how awful. People can be so cruel. I hate it!

      Do you have anyone you can talk to about what you are going through? I am unsure whether you are a kid or an adult. If you aren’t an adult, can your school help with the bullying? Are your parents a help to you? Do they know what you are enduring?

      My advice would be:

      1. If you are in danger of killing yourself, call 911.

      2. If not, consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). It is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

      3. Also, talk with your parents about what you are dealing with. They can help you, and they can get you help.

      4. Keep in mind that what you’re dealing with now will change. The people who bully you will not be in your life forever. You can make kind, loving friends, later if not now. Check out the site itgetsbetter.org for testimonials from people who were bullied when they were younger and who have messages of hope for people like you. The “It Gets Better” campaign originally was started for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender teens. Now it is applicable to anyone who is being bullied or otherwise is so unhappy that they want to die.

      5. Remember that these bullies’ words and actions reveal uncomfortable truths about them, not you. They have hatred in their heart, for whatever reasons. You do not deserve to receive that hatred.

      I hope you will consider my advice and get help from others!

  102. Kinda Scared :/ says:

    I read your article, and completely agree on this. I went through depression last year, and though I hate to admit it, experimented with self harm. My mom accidentally walked in on me while I was changing and saw the cuts on my upper arm. She told my dad…and they got mad. I promised I wouldn’t do it again, and they took me to therapy. The thing is…I disliked speaking to him. Namely because I simply don’t like speaking to people in person of my problems. And also…he spoke in this monotone voice that made me feel worse. I managed to convince my parents I was better, and they took me out of therapy.
    As soon as I left therapy, I actually felt much better. But…nearing the next year, the depression came back. At first, it was only this slight sadness that would come at certain times of the day. Then, it became all day, every day. It was not much of a big deal, though. I felt I could cope.
    A few weeks ago, though, after a while of thinking about suicide a bit (but just a bit), I found myself on Google, looking for quick and painless suicide methods. Since then, I have been thinking excessively about suicide. I made a plan without wanting to. Whenever I come across anything that could kill me, be it a knife or a really elevated area or even the bathtub, I think, “should I do it?” And it takes me a while to decide on “no”. Each time, I get more hesitant on saying no.
    I want to tell my parents. They’re good people, don’t get me wrong…but they aren’t very supportive. To this day, they still use my self harm episode against me in arguments. I don’t want them to think I’m ungrateful again. To think things like, “ugh, I have one of THOSE daughters…” But I’m scared, honestly. I know it’ll just get worse, but I’m 14. I can’t drive myself to the hospital and have a doctor explain to my parents. I can only use the phone with their permission, so I can’t call the hospital. I know I have no reason to be depressed. My life is good. I know that. And that’s why I want to keep on living. But suicidal thoughts just come out of nowhere, unwelcome.
    Any ideas on how to tell my parents? Or on how to get help? Or anything?

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “Kinda Scared”– what a painful, frightening, and lonely situation you are in! The suicidal thoughts you describe are called “intrusive” thoughts. It sounds like they come unbidden, against your wishes.

      You said your life is good. You said you want to keep on living. But still the suicidal thoughts intrude – or “invade” might be more like it.

      Even if your parents were supportive and you were receiving help, this would still likely be a painful and frightening time. To have to worry about your parents judging you or not supporting you only adds more pain.

      Here’s the deal. You said you are depressed. Depression can play tricks on the mind. It can cause people to view their life, themselves, and others far more negatively than is fair. Perhaps depression is telling you that your parents won’t support you and will judge you instead. Perhaps this is not true.

      Or perhaps it is true. Perhaps your parents are like many parents out there who are deeply afraid of suicide and suicidal thoughts and respond clumsily as a result, or who are in denial that their child could be seriously thinking of suicide, or who know little about depression and think it can go away with willpower alone – or who do, think or feel any number of other things that make it difficult for them to recognize that their child is hurting and needs help.

      Whatever the case, you need help. You are having intrusive thoughts of suicide more and more often. You have even thought out a plan. And you are having a harder and harder time resisting the idea of suicide. These are dangerous developments.

      Please consider telling your parents. You could show them the article above, and show them your written comment. You could show them my response, too. No words need be spoken for you to convey how much you really need their support.

      If that doesn’t work, or if you just can’t share your thoughts directly with them, can you talk to a teacher or counselor at school? They can help communicate to your parents the realities of depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as the need for help.

      What about your doctor? Could you ask your parents to take you to the doctor (for whatever reason you feel comfortable using) and then, when meeting privately with your doctor, tell him or her your situation? Even regular doctors who don’t work in mental health settings provide treatment for mental health problems.

      Another option is to call a hotline for advice. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is always there, 24/7. Their number in the U.S. is 800.273.TALK (8255). There are other hotlines and resources, too, available on this site at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.

      Finally, if none of the above works, or if you need help NOW, you can call 911. (If you are not in the U.S., your country or city has a different emergency number.)

      Whatever you choose to do, your folks might get judgmental, upset, or angry, but they also might get deeply concerned, scared, and sad that you are suffering. Or all of the above. Or none of the above.

      The most important thing right now is not how your parents feel.

      The most important thing right now is how you can stay alive.

  103. Anonymous says:

    My problem with “professional” help and counseling is that it just seems like all they do is try to pump you full of shady medications. I don’t have much faith in this profession at all and I sure as heck wouldn’t waste my time bothering with it. A few years ago I was suicidal and taken away in a full-out escort of ambulances, firetrucks, and police cars. And you know what they did? The policemen and the EMTs just said “we can give you some medications that will make all your problems go away.” And when they took me to the mental health facility place to stay for a few days, all the therapists and counselors there mentioned was “medication, medication, medication.”

    I question if this profession is really a respectable, helpful discipline and not just a scam run by greedy medication companies to get us to use their products. This is one of the reasons why I’d never tell my parents when I was suicidal: all they’d do is have me taken away again back to the “professional” goons who’d just try to load me with medication.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Anonymous, I can see why you doubt the integrity of the mental health profession! I would, too, if I went for help with emotional problems and the only “help” provided was the repetitive mention of “medication, medication, medication.”

      Medication can help people. Quite often, it does. But even when medication helps, pills alone seldom heal emotional wounds.

      Fundamental to the healing process is being heard, understood, accepted, and supported. I am sorry that you did not experience these conditions when you most needed them.

      I hope you will not judge the entire mental health profession based on your negative experience. There are many caring, empathetic, and skilled professionals who can help, with or without medication.

    • Praying parent says:

      Dear Anonymous, being that I am the parent not the teen person having the feelings I can’t say I know how you feel. But I am glad you shared. It helps me to try and understand what my daughter is going thru. As a parent your first priority is your childs safety and happiness. So I know for myself I am looking for the best and fastest fix to make her feel better. I have never been a big fan of meds, but I have to tell you sometimes, certain ones do work. Not all of them do and yes at the hospital they put her on meds right away. The goal of the hospital was to get her stable so that she wouldn’t harm herself and we could get her a good therapist that she felt comfortable with. This has been an ongoing battle, finding the right combination of meds, doctors, therapist and programs.

      I feel when you are able to identify the source of the depression then you have a better chance of attacking it without meds, but when the person themselves dont even know why, because it is probably just that they are wired that way, then meds can help.

      I am waiting for the day (and it may never come) that my daughter can feel good on her own without the help of meds.. but until then I will listen to what she is telling me about what feels like it is working for her, provide her with all the love and support I can and keep her talking.

      I do hope that you also feel that peace. Last night in group therapy we learned that the only constant thing that can be guaranteed is that there will always be change.

  104. Praying parent says:

    I am a parent of a suicidal teen. One of the hardest thing besides the thought of losing your child is trying to balance being the “parent” and seeing this from their view. I was very lucky that we found a good therapist to help us learn to communicate better so we can work thru this. Everyone says to me.. why is she depressed there MUST be a reason, why would she want to kill herself she has everything, every teen deals with crap she needs to toughen up and deal with it. Well I am telling you sometimes there is just not an easy answer. I still don’t understand why she thinks life is just not worth it. I have tried everything I know possible, there have been many doctors, many therapists, many meds and hospitalizations. Now we are in a DBT therapy program and I am praying for some sort of miracle. Some therapist when they hear a teen say I want to die, the immediately say go to the hospital. I understand because they are just trying to keep the kid safe. But once your meds are set, there is not much the hospital can do except keep you safe for the short period that the insurance co will allow. So I do what I can to keep her safe. She is not home alone, everything that could possible hurt her is locked up and we go to DBT. The DBT therapist said to me… just wait and keep coming. Teens need to do this on their time, don’t push just keep coming… So I try and keep calm, walk on my egg shells, and think before I react to everything she says so that she feels she can safely talk to me.

    • Connie says:

      TO Praying parent: I read your comments and felt like I could have been the person who wrote them. We are in the same exact situation with our 14 year old daughter but no where near going to DBT because our daughter is so depressed, she can’t even get out of bed. She does see a Therapist (mostly wrapped up in a blanket because we get her out of bed for that visit). We are hopeful for DBT when she is in a better place which we pray will be sometime soon. We just need to keep her alive long enough for something to help and make her feel hopeful. She has been on 7 different types of medications (at different times) in the last 8 months and has only gotten worse so now are in the process of weaning her off the last 2 because dr. thinks they may be causing her suicidal thoughts. Looking now into healing with nutrition and will meet with a “Functional doctor” next week. Just learning that Seratonin is made in the stomach and Functional doctors say we must heal the gut first so hopeful this will help. Praying for a miracle and will keep your child in our prayers too. I am beyond exhausted and would guess you are too.

    • Praying parent says:

      Dear Connie, I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is in such a bad spot. You said she was on 7 meds in 8 months. That is a lot of changing.. Just keep in mind that a lot of them take 4 to 6 weeks to actually work. Make sure they check her thyroid as well.. That (we have learned due to the last episode) will mimic depression very badly when its off. Now that med also takes 4 weeks. But you can see if the levels are off if they do a full thyroid panel. I really do hope she finds relief somewhere. My daughter was just in the hospital again and they added Abilify.. What a wonderful difference. After about 4 weeks she is laugh and finding some happiness. I hope it lasts. I will pray for you as well. it is the scariest and most exhausting thing to go thru. Sending you big hugs!

  105. Tayja says:

    Another reason is if your parents are religious and don’t believe in mental health. I know of one suicide in my family and my mom firmly believes the person who died by suicide will go to hell so I never told her about my suicidal thoughts. I did feel like i needed help though so I told her about my depression but all she told me was to stop thinking so much and basically get over it. Honestly it just made me more suicidal because my family was the main thing stopping me from suicide.

    • Girl says:

      Well, you do have other reasons to stop you from commiting suicide. Maybe you are the only reason someone else is alive. Maybe you have help a person and that person needs you. Also, you are a very important person in this world. Who knows? Maybe you will creat something that does something awesome? For some reason, you were chosen to live instead of someone else. In my family, many have died at a young age. There is always a reason.

  106. Anonymous says:

    So how do i tell them, Im getting bullied at school and I can’t do any thing coz im scared my mum will find out

  107. Girl says:

    Personally, this doesnt make sense to me. You are saying that teenagers dont want to tell their parents they are suicidal because of the way they know they will react? They dont know how they will react, that is why.

    Well, thats one possibility. There are tons of other possibilities out there that nobody gets and understands. You people just dont understand them.

    I, a teenage girl, have helped many people with a list of problems. I have helped people from relationship problems to suicidal thoughts and… Other stuff. Its a long list. I am not even a therapist at all, my words and thoughts come to me in a way i cannot describe. Its like i can feel what they feel… Anyways, you people just have to understand them. I even made some research right now and whats on the internet about suicidal people is… Not really true. I have tons to say but, i dont want to confuse people with what i believe. Oh, and please do not feel offended with what i have said (if you feel offended in any way). I apologize for any types of errors.

    • Girl says:

      When i said that the stuff i research is not really true, i dont think i researched everything so not everything out there is false (an its based on my opinion).

      “Someone” in a way, i agree that parents should not take their child or teenager to get help. Thats based on what i have seen and heard. Someone i know hated to get “help” from her … I think psychologist and faked she was better just to get away from the “help” because it made her feel worse. Someone else had a problem and was better with my help. She was sent to a counceler and it made her completely worse. She just broke down because of the cpuncelor. I am not saying they are bad, but it makes people feel worse (from multiple stories i can tell you about). I would advise to not take her to get “help” and understand that person better. They need someone that understands them.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Some teens hate therapy. Some teens like therapy. Some get better. Some get worse. It really varies, depending on the teen, the situation, the therapist, and even the teen’s family. But I can tell you that there are many research studies out there showing that therapy has effectively helped many teens get better, whether they have problems with depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, or something else. These studies often show that therapy is more effective than none at all. Some types of therapy have more evidence than others that they are effective, such as cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy.

      If you are a teen and you read this or other comments saying that therapy is not helpful, I hope you will not give up hope. There are many well trained, qualified, and even gifted therapists out there who can understand you and who can help. The first step is to let an adult know that you need help. If you think your parents won’t listen or won’t get you help, please consider talking to another adult, such as a coach, a teacher, a friend’s parents, or a school counselor.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Hello “Girl,” thanks for sharing your insights. I think your sense that “you people just don’t understand them [teenagers]” is consistent with what teens have told me about their reluctance to share suicidal thoughts with their parents (and other adults, for that matter). They fear – and often firmly believe – that they will not be understood.

      It sounds like you have a great deal of empathy for your friends. They are lucky to have you. Research shows that teens talk to friends about suicidal thoughts long before they confide in their parents, if they ever even do tell their parents. You are a great resource for other teens, because it is clear not only that they are comfortable coming to you for help, but also that you understand and, at the same time, are learning more about suicide. Thanks for helping!

    • Girl says:

      Well, i dont think i was clear on what i wanted to say. I said that i ‘in a way’ agree with ‘someone’ because i based it on personal experience. I know some people like and get better with therapy, but what i was trying to say is that the people who i have helped (from friends to people i hadnt really talkes to before) didnt like getting therapy, were afraid their parents will find out, or didnt get better with therapy. Sorry for the missunderstandong and for you people out there, there is always a way out and you are a very valuable person no matter what.

  108. Someone says:

    The general reason is usually that parents cant help you, they will only make it worse. If i finally would decide to commit suicide i know i wouldnt tell my parents about it… The best thing parents can do if their teen child says something, is

    1. Take it seriously
    2. Accept their thoughts
    3. Tell them what they mean to you
    4. ? This is the one to make him/her feel better.. maybe buy them a pet if your teen likes animals, or figure out something better.. something that he/she can give love to.. its not the solution but its a good start!
    5. Dont treat him/her in a diffrent way than earlier, no matter what!

    Rule #1 not to do

    Dont ever bring your teen to a psychologist..
    It will make him/her feel weird as if he/she is a freak… psychologists wont save your child!

    Im 16 years old n ive been thinking of suicide many times, like a lot of others in the same age… which ive been chatting with..

    Hope it helps

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “Someone” – this is fantastic advice. Thank you for sharing.

      The one thing I would challenge is the advice for parents not to take their teen to a psychologist (or other mental health professional). Of course, I am biased because I am a therapist, and I do think my work has been helpful to suicidal teens. Aside from my bias, there’s research out there that shows that mental health services, particular psychotherapy and antidepressant medication, can reduce suicidal thoughts and behavior in teens.

      So if ever you do think you need or want help from a professional, I hope you will give it a try. It doesn’t mean you’re weird or a freak. It just means that suicide has called out loudly to you, through no fault (or freakiness) of your own, and someone who’s trained in such matters can help you talk back to suicide. There are other ways to get help, too, whether from online sites, books, etc. Please check out my Resources page for people who are thinking about suicide, to see if there’s something on there that might fit with you.

    • lola says:

      Im tired of my life and i wish i was never born i wish that i would never have a family because they dont understand me and im a stupid daugther stupid girl help

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      Coincidentally I am reading your comment immediately after replying to Vivian’s, above. And my advice to you is the same as my advice to her, which is to please, please tell an adult what you are feeling and experiencing. You do not have to suffer alone. If you are in the U.S., please call the 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). Also check out the Resources page on this site for other places you can get help by phone, text, or chat. Above all, please tell someone — whether a teacher, doctor, religious figure, coach, school counselor, etc. — what you are going through!

  109. Kaitlyn Carper says:

    Suicide thoughts are a dangerous thing. It’s best to keep making helping websites and protect the life of teens