Are You Thinking of Killing Yourself?

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Are you thinking of killing yourself

I cannot pretend to understand your situation. You are a stranger, first of all, and everybody’s story is unique. So I’ll refrain from the clichés: “It’ll get better.” “This too shall pass.” “You are a good person and deserve to live.” Those statements may well be true, and I hope you will consider them. But if they were enough, nobody would die by suicide.

Instead of giving you superficial reassurance, I am going to ask you some important questions. I invite you to consider them thoughtfully, and to sit with your answers. They may surprise you.


Have You Tried Everything that Can Help?

Depression and suicide

You obviously feel tremendous pain, hopelessness, or other problems that are causing you to want to die. Have you tried out everything possible to alleviate those problems?

If you are depressed, have you tried every different type of antidepressant medication out there? (At last count, there were 30).  Even if a few types of antidepressants haven’t worked for you, that doesn’t mean that none of them will.

Have you tried therapy? Research indicates that various therapies, such as cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy, can help to reduce suicidal thoughts, improve depression, and strengthen coping skills.

Have you increased your exercise? Exercise can be as effective as antidepressants in relieving depression, and it helps reduce anxiety, too.

If you are experiencing a life situation with devastating consequences – perhaps you are being bullied or facing jail time – can you consider the possibility that the situation may change, or that it may become more bearable in time?

If you are hearing voices telling you to kill yourself – perhaps the voices say that you are a bad person or that you do not deserve to live – can you consider that the voices simply are wrong? Can you talk back to the voices? Have you tried every type of antipsychotic medication there is? (There are at least 18,  not including mood stabilizers.) Might the voices come to a stop, or change what they tell you, or become less believable with time?

Similarly, if you are plagued with thoughts of worthlessness, hopelessness or unlovability, can you entertain the possibility that those thoughts are not true? You do not need to believe everything that you think or feel. I have heard the saying before (though I forget where) that many people have a prosecutor residing in their head, and they lack a defense attorney. You can learn to defend yourself against self-condemning thoughts and to feel better about yourself and your life again. (Cognitive behavioral therapy especially helps with these types of problems.)

Whatever you are dealing with, can you consider that you still can craft a purpose for yourself in life in the months and years to come, whatever that purpose may be?


What Would You Say to Somebody in Your Situation?

Compassion and suicideThink of everything that is going wrong in your life. Think of all the reasons you have for dying by suicide.

Now imagine that someone you care about very much came to you with the same problems, the same reasons, the same desires to die. What would you tell them?

Would you say to this person you care about, “You’re right, you should kill yourself”? If not, why?


What Are Your Reasons for Living? (Or What Were They?) 

Something has kept you alive this long. What has kept you going?

Reasons for livingWhat have you lived for in the past? Is it possible that you will want to live for those same things again in the future, if this crisis passes?

Here are common reasons for staying alive that people provided in a study by Marsha Linehan and colleagues

  • Attitudes toward life, survival, and coping (for example, a belief that things can change for the better)
  • Responsibility to family
  • Concerns for children
  • Fears about suicide (for examples, fears of death, of suffering injuries from the attempt, of feeling tremendous physical pain, of doing violence to oneself)
  • Fear of social disapproval
  • Moral objections (like thinking suicide is morally wrong, or believing people who die by suicide go to hell)

Other reasons might include pets, dreams of traveling, love of the mountains – you name it. Whatever keeps you here may well be worth staying for.

Do any of the above reasons apply to you? If not, could they in the future?


Where Is Hope?

Hope and SuicideThe antidote to suicidal thoughts is hope, and conversely, hopelessness is their accomplice.

What do you hope for yourself for the future? What can you do to help you survive long enough for those hopes to be realized?

Are there things you hope for immediately, like a chocolate bar, a good night’s rest, a day off from work? What are the little things that you hope for that might not be getting your attention during this time of crisis?

Have you lost all hope? If so, think back on what gave you hope in the past. When did those things stop fueling your hope? Could they again?

Maybe you are thinking “Things will never get better” or “I have nothing to live for. ” Can you be certain your thoughts are correct? More to the point, even though it is painful to have such thoughts, is it possible you are wrong?

Remember, some conditions – like extreme stress, or depression – can cloud a person’s thinking, making hope invisible. People with these conditions may be unable to remember the good things in their life and unable to tap into the good things that may come. But hope does not really die. It just hides. Even amid a terrible storm in the head, it is still there behind the clouds, just like the sun.


Think of Other People – Or Not

Family and suicideI would like to ask you to think of people who would suffer from your death. But I know that thinking of other people can be very complicated.

Some people are angry at those they believe have failed them. They may feel, often rightly so, that their suicide will cause guilt in those they left behind, and for a small number of suicidal people, this may be a fate that they welcome. In this context, suicide takes on a vengeful quality, whether that is the primary purpose or a byproduct of suicide.

Other people may feel convinced that they are a burden on their loved ones, and that their suicide would be a way to spare their family and friends. Even more common, perhaps, are the people who are suicidal precisely because they have no one who cares (or believe that to be true, even if it is not).

I also know that when the pain and desperation become excruciating for a person considering suicide, the love and support of others becomes only a small solace. Even parents of young children die by suicide, not because they do not love their children and not because they disregard the pain it will inflict on their children. No, for many people who are suicidal, their pain is so great that they desperately want to escape it. Even though they know their death will bring great pain to those left behind, a more frightening scenario for them is having to continue enduring their own pain, day after day.

I recognize that sad reality. So the question of who your death will hurt might not be relevant to you. But if it is relevant, please do consider that those who care about you will be devastated.

Remember the saying: “To the world you may be only one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

To which people are you the world?

Whose world might you become in the future, whether or not you have met that person yet?

What people might you help, whether professionally or personally?


How Have You Coped in the Past?

Think of another time when you really struggled in life. Perhaps you did not think of suicide, but you felt extremely sad, or angry, or hopeless. How did you get through that? What helped you? Who helped you?

If you have ever experienced this kind of despair and suicidal thinking before, what stopped you from killing yourself then? What did you do, feel or think then that you might be able to repeat now?


Is It At All Possible that Things will Change?

Hope change and suicideCan you know for certain that your problems will never improve, or that you will never learn to cope with them better?

Even though it does not feel like it now, there is hope for change. The horrible situation you are in might get better, or it might become more bearable. The pain you feel may ebb, or you may develop techniques for coping with it. Hope may return. Goodness may come.

Consider that among people who survive a suicide attempt, about 90% do not eventually die by suicide. Even these people who made the decision to die find reasons to live again.

Can you know for certain that you won’t rediscover reasons for living, or reconnect with those that already exist? Maybe not now, but there may well come a time when you look back on your suicidal state of mind and are glad that you did not die.

There is a good saying: Don’t quit five minutes before your miracle.

Similarly, I have a piece of artwork on my wall that says, Any moment can change your life. You just have to be there.

This applies to you, too. It applies to everyone.


Finally, What If You Survive a Suicide Attempt with Serious Injuries?

Sadness regret and suicide attemptThis is a tough question to ask, and even tougher to answer. Consider that you might survive your suicide attempt. Would the injuries you inflicted on yourself make your problems even worse?

You could suffer permanent injuries from jumping, trying to hang yourself, or doing other bodily injury to yourself. Consider what happened to Kristin Jane Anderson, who attempted suicide by lying down on railroad tracks when a train approached. She lost both her legs. (See her excellent, inspirational book, Life, In Spite of Me, about rediscovering hope and purpose in life in the years that followed.)

If you shoot yourself, you may still survive. Some people who shoot themselves do permanent damage to their face, experience severe brain damage, or become paralyzed. In another book by an attempt survivor, David Wermuth describes the ordeal of becoming blind from shooting himself in the head.

Some people who survive an overdose damage their kidneys or liver in the process. A transplant is sometimes necessary.

I said this is a tough question to ask, because I do not want to challenge you to come up with a foolproof method for killing yourself. Instead, I want you to consider that things don’t always go as planned. Whatever problems you struggle with now could be made even worse with a suicide attempt.


In Closing


Many people think of suicide from time to time. The philosopher Camus noted, “There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide.”  The philosopher Nietzsche said, “The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.” 

To seriously consider suicide is a sign that something is wrong. Our natural instinct in life is to survive. People endure unimaginable horrors in order to stay alive – as but one example, just think of the man who cut his arm off with a pocket knife in order to liberate his body from a boulder, having been trapped beneath it for five days and seven hours.

If your instinct to survive has become weakened, it is a sign that you need help. Please seek that help, whether from a trusted friend or family member, clergy, physician, therapist, or some other supports you have.

What can you do now, right now, to help yourself?


For a list of resources you can contact immediately, via hotlines or online, click here.


© Copyright 2013 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All Rights Reserved. Written for

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  1. mmeeww321 says:

    WOW … glad to be with “like” company. My brain resonates with so many comments. I’m almost 60 and have wanted to die for a long time … but my kids and grandkids made me stay. Now … even they don’t matter. I want to go … having fought this demon my whole life, I’m so damn tired ! Especially when no one seems to care about the sadness I’ve lived with. If only I had the energy to get out of bed and score something like fentanyl … in my city, it seems to be killing off everyone. But, also, being religious, I’m scared to do this. And that makes me angry. But thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts.

    Read more at:

  2. Cancer says:

    I have found that there is no reason to continue living, I’m not having family issues, I’m not having life issues. I don’t have some sort of sickness either. Honestly I am just bored of living. I’ve made entire life plans for possibilities that may happen; scenarios that I could possibly make fit for my “situation.” Yet I still believe myself to have no use to the world, Or that maybe the universe is just a figment of my imagination or something stupid like that. I really see no point in anything.

  3. Jaime says:

    What I mean is that my mom said things to me and one time she said she had never loved me and wish I had never existed and that I was just a boy that was a mistake and wants to get rid of me so then it’s just her my dad and my two sisters she had always hated me and one time she saw me cry and was just look at me with me remorse and anything she just look at me like if I wasn’t even there

  4. Jaime says:

    What if the reason is because you mom yells at you and you did things that you aren’t proud of doing that affected your siblings in hurtful ways

  5. Anonymous says:

    I am tired of feeling this way. My life has never been easy but I have always tried to make everyone believe that I am always the happy one. Deep inside I hurt. I grew up with an abusive father. My relationship with my mother had been good, or so I thought, until a few months ago when she decided to blow up at me and now I do not feel like I can trust her. My husband means well but has his own set of issues with his parents both in their last days and his own depression. I suffer from a disabling disease that seems to be getting steadily worse and causing me a great deal of pain. Up until now, I always had my daughter that gave me strength to fight. She is off to college now and then will be off to start her own life and I no longer know who or what I am. I have no friends where I live that I am close enough to that I can talk to about how I feel.

    I feel alone. I feel like a burden. I feel like I no longer matter or am needed. I feel like I want to die. I think of ways to do it. Yet suicide scares me.

  6. Joe says:

    Since we all here are planning to die, then we have nothing to lose. Why not plan a better life with a suicide plan in case it gets worse? I tried that, and this is my second attempt for a better life with an emergency exit (suicide).

  7. Jimmy says:

    Every day I think of suicide; the only thing keeping me from acting is my children.

    I live with much physical pain; almost all the things that bring me joy I’m no longer physically able to do. The point is, if there is no quality of life, then why bother living.

    I think soon I’ll need to make the plunge as the pain becomes too much.

    My therapist seems skeptical of my internet, that’s ok, it just allows me better opportunity to succeed.

    Ya know, I’d love to live, without pain! If I were a dog; out of compassion I would be put down, yet we won’t allow the humane act of suicide for humans.

  8. Edward says:

    The most cruel concept of life I’ve discovered is “hope”

    • himanshu says:

      i want to do Suicide i lost my all hope i am 24 year old i break my family trust . i have no any friend no i am not able to share my feeling to any one i never share coz i am not like to share i always thing what they think if i tell tham about my problem that why i never tell any one not share my mom and dad and sister i say i am in deep depression i lost all hope and also lost to my aim and most important think I LOST THAM WHICH THE ONLY HOPE TO MY LIFE SHE LEAVE ME I LOST MY LOVE WHICH MOST PAINFUL TO ME i not understand what i do now

  9. Anonymous says:

    16 yo and I had to find something where try to find hope…

  10. Jimmy says:

    I’ve had 7 back surgeries and have been in pain for many years, now with it I now have vertigo. I’m ready to end this shit. I’ve lived long enough.

  11. Anonymous says:

    i am just 15 turning 16 in a couple of days. And I had to deal with the darkness that I and many others know too well. But how I deal with is not just looking up articles to help me which to be honest most of the time it doesn’t help but the way I deal with the darkness is helping others go through it. The hardships that they are going through. It doesn’t stop the darkness from following me wherever I go but instead it weakens it for a very short while. But seeing another person’s life turn around is what I aim for in Ilife.

    From a kid

  12. Anonymous says:

    I cannot go on like this my life is meaningless.

  13. Dan says:

    I have pretty much decided to commit suicide in the near future as I don’t see any other means of escape from my life and this world.

    I worked so hard in college to get my bachelors degree in chemistry (which is far from the easiest subject) only to end up in a field that pays poorly with virtually no opportunity for growth…not to mention being treated as an educated slave by the management. I could change career paths, but the job market is cutthroat these days and there is one thing every employer is looking for…experience…of which I have none in any other field.

    I also have a baby due in a couple of months with a woman who hates me and wants nothing to do with me at all. I never did anything to her to deserve such hate and neglect to the point she cannot even have a friendship with me for our child’s sake. I never cheated on her or beat her…sure we had a couple of fights where there were some few choice words thrown around, but that’s it. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m so full of pain and sadness, I don’t care about staying alive for my child anymore.

    I feel alone and isolated in this world every day…I have no true friends and never did. My self esteem is poor, and that feeling is amplified by the fact that women never give me a second look, and have no interest in speaking with me. I also suffer from social anxiety which doesn’t help me with that situation. The woman I’m having a baby with was drunk when I met her and never appreciated me for who I truly am.

    I attempted suicide via overdose last year, only to wake up in the hospital 14 hours later with IVs attached to my arms. I was then put on a 72 hour hold which I absolutely hated…you’re stripped of all your freedoms and treated like a criminal. I tried therapy for a few months…which basically in my eyes consisted of being told by the therapist how she thinks I should live my life, and that her way is the only way. Not to mention she also said something along the lines “there’s no such thing as happiness”…very encouraging words I tell you. I’ve only tried one therapist, but I’ve given up trying another as I’m simply done putting in a ton of effort just to feel a tiny bit of joy (if any at all). The same with medications, I’ve been on several combinations for years, nothing works.

    In the end, I have no happiness in my soul and that will never change. It gets harder and harder to get out of bed as the days go on, I’ve lost all motivation and all hope. I just want to die. I’ve prayed to God countless times for happiness, and other times I’ve prayed for death…”please just let me not wake up”, or “please can I die in a car accident tomorrow”. My prayers are never answered…not even sure if I believe in God anymore. My only relief is that I won’t be around much longer to feel this pain…it will soon be time to say goodbye to this world.

    • Sheri-Anne says:

      I’m so sorry that you too are feeling so much pain right now. I wish I could write something that would make you feel better……

    • Rebecca says:

      Dear Dan
      NEVER KILL YOURSELF FOR A RELATIONSHIP.Especially a superficial one. You owe to yourself and your unborn child to live. If that dreadful woman or person doesn’t want to have a relationship with you well thats just fine. Its her loss. You say you graduated from college with a chemistry degree. That tells me your a highly intelligent person. Congrats. What are the main reasons why you want to end your life? What is the stress in your life that is causing so much pain?
      Are you in financial debt ? Student loan? low paying jobs? are you homeless. You are not alone . Please respond to my post. There is hope.

    • Kyle says:


      My advise to you would be to start doing things that make you happy every single day. It will stimulate your mind and block out negative thoughts, and make you feel like you have a purpose. For me, its hiking, swimming, golfing, running, drawing and spending time with my family. I would also quit your job as soon as possible! And although the job market is tough, its better be alive with no job, than to have a job that makes you want to be dead. Plus you hate your job anyway, so who cares. You are going to spend a lot of your life working, so make sure you love what you do. I was depressed as all hell for 5 years. I decided to do something about it so I moved to California and decided to get a job as a Kayak and Lobster Diving Guide and can honestly say its changed my life. I don’t make a lot of money doing it, but I don’t care. It keeps me alive and I love what I do. I made a lot more money at my previous job in Arizona, but I hated my job and was extremely unhappy. So I ditched it, and now am more happy then I’ve ever been. Give it a try Dan, and stay strong! God bless.

    • Anonymous says:

      I feel your pain. Every morning when I wake I beg for this to be my last day.

    • Anonymous says:

      Have you tried saying just saying “F’em all”? I’m serious. I’m in a situation that is very close to yours and the only thing that keeps me going is doing things I love, like video games smut, and reminding myself that people are, in general, worthless. Take your current boss’s money and use it to do what the hell you want to do. To hell with other people or their approval. They treat you like old garbage so why should they be of any value to you? I’m fortunate not to have any kids but to hell with that woman, or any of’em. You’ve lived this long without their help so should they matter? Just do stuff. There’s only one person who can make your life happy and that’s you. Don’t look to others, they WON’T help. Don’t end your own life.

  14. Michael says:

    But what if you are alone in the world, past 50, no kids, your childhood family (parents, etc.) has long passed away, you’ve been laid off multiple times, and face a future of essential poverty… I want out and it would neither harm nor hurt anyone else. It would even be a benefit to the environment and the social service system, lessening a carbon footprint and freeing up social service resources for younger people truly in need, like those who have posted here and who really do have a life ahead of them. I want out and I think about it most days.

  15. Chuck says:

    It’s not the fear of death, or the fear of it being your last choice… last decision. It’s when you still have hope… but this depression this feeling is like a monster in my mind and it just gets hungrier it eats all happiness it eats all sense of self wealth.

    It’s a consuming force that begs me and tortures me to end it.

    The meaning of life: Finding the thing that prevents you from killing yourself on a daily basis.

    Truly is the meaning of life.

    I’m going to give it a few more years. I’m young and this might pass… but it may not and when that time comes. I’m going out in a awesome spectacle.

  16. terri says:

    I have been depressed for most of my life (57 years old). The last 3 years have been horrible. From Nov. 2013 to Nov 2014, My father died, i broke my sacrum, was diagnosed with kidney cancer, had kidney removed, developed a strangulated hernia, lost 5 feet of small intestines and almost died from septic shock (2 very major surgeries 4 weeks apart), and my mother died a week after the last surgery, so I couldn’t attend the memorial service. I have suffered with chronic pain and memory issues since. During that year, I didn’t feel as depressed as I do now. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder many years ago. Until now, the episodes would last a few weeks and would improve. In between, I was slightly depressed, but I learned to live with it. This episode is nothing like anything I have experienced before. For 6 months (maybe more), I spend most of the day thinking about death and suicide. It’s becoming harder and harder to function. My world is getting smaller and smaller. I miss my grandchildren because I don’t have the emotional strength to get out of the house and go see them. Which makes me feel guilty, which makes me more depressed. I cry–a a lot. If it wasn’t for the granddaughters, I would be more seriously thinking about putting an end to my suffering. I’ve convinced myself that the adults in my life can cope with the loss in a fairly short amount of time. The future looks hopeless, and I feel absolutely powerless to change anything about what’s wrong in my life. The only thing I can do at this point is tell the doctor to put me back on the SSRI. I’ll probably gain more weight and go back to feeling flat emotionally, but not feeling anything is better than this pain. Thanks for allowing me to whine. No one understands what I am going through. If they did, they would probably have me committed. I am trying really hard to limit myself to reading about suicide. It is better than acting on my thoughts. I know how insane I sound, but I can say these things because you don’t know me, and I’ll never have to face you or answer to you. I don’t mean to offend anyone. Strangers are the only people I can really be honest with anymore.

  17. Boka says:

    I have had depressive issues off and on for years. Today, I got diagnosed as BPD after a recent suicide attempt.

    2 years ago I tried and failed. I made a committment to my pet I would stay here for him – he is all I had. He died in July. I was in a new relationship, and told him all about my history and how I would react when my pet died. I wanted to be honest and let him know that it would be hard due to my history. When the event happened, he ghosted me, then walked away. He finally told a friend that he did not want to see me anymore because I am unstable – after a month of me trying to to talk to him. I understand his feelings, yet two weeks of grief erased all else and he lumped me into how one of his ex-wives was.

    I have been rejected my entire adult life. This was the first person I loved in years, and cannot believe he just walked away. I had told him I knew I was downsliding, I took time off work and was enrolling in a program to get back to where I had been a few months ago – he just ignored me.

    I kept my promise made to my pet, and I said when he goes, I go. I have tried to stay, and I cannot conquer this mountain again.

    I don’t blame him, or anyone. It is about my lack of energy to keep trying, my loss of hope and not seeing any future. It is about extreme loss that I just can no longer handle.

    I just hope this time I am successful. I cannot fail again. I am not tryinng to get attention; I truly want to die. My gun was taken away, so I just hope I can figure out a way for this to work, finally.

    • jay says:

      Hi Boka, Im jay, I read your story and I can relate to it. I am sorry for the loss of your pet, it takes a real pet owner to know how much those funny creatures mean to us. I also want to welcome you to this forum I recently joined where you can express yourself with no feeling of shame. The biggest hurdle is getting up in the morning trying to figure out why some people are so cruel. Ive come to the conclusion that theres plenty of empty people walking around, but theres more people who are good and inspire me to live everyday. I want to ask you who is the person you look up the most to, who do you wanna be like, and why please reply :)

  18. Christine says:

    I have accepted that my suicide will be the last thing I do. I have struggled for years with suicidal thoughts and past attempts. But I know this time will be different. I will succeed one way or another. I have my plan in place and I have the means to follow through with it.

    I am currently seeking help for my thoughts but I also know it’s just a matter of time until I end this pathetic life. A matter of weeks in fact. I have a few things I need to finalise first. Things I need to put in place for my daughter. I’m currently in process of giving away all my belongs. Preparing for my end.

    I feel I’m past the point of hopelessness now. I know this is only way. I do struggle with waiting to do it. The thoughts and feelings getting more intense with each passing hour. But I need to wait until everything is in place. I will continue to say what they want to hear so they think I am safe, even though I know I’m not.

    • jay says:

      Christine please dont do it, stop what you are doing and think of how much your daughter needs you. I know depression is a real problem, its the devil trying to get the best out of you. please reconsider. Everyday is a blessing whether if youre broke or without a home theres so much to live for, I will like to know more about you, what are the top 3 things that makes you depress.Please reply……….. :)

    • Please Christine, please don’t do this. Talk to someone, now, face to face. Your daughter loves you. I understand your thoughts perfectly. But don’t do it, please, soldier on till you feel better. And see a doctor, right now. Don’t delay, you must have professional help right now. And talk to someone you trust, as often as possible. Please don’t kill yourself. You can feel better. It will take effort and time but you can do it. Time is your friend. Stay safe, get help, talk as much and as often as you can. Don’t harm yourself. Please.

    • Christine says:

      Sorry it’s taken me this long to reply. But I’ve been busy getting the final things ready for my departure.I am nearly ready just a few more things to finish. I have been seeing my psychologist, pyscharist and gps every few days. I haven’t told them how bad things are or how close to finalising this pathetic life as I am. But they do know I am thinking of suicide.

      Jay, as for the top 3 things that make me depressed. Well I’m not depressed so I can’t answer that sorry. There’s not really much more I can say.

      michielbdijkstra2016 I have been seeing doctors for years now. They can’t help me. No one can. I know my daughter loves me. And I love her more than anything but love isn’t enough anymore. I know this is the only way. My life will end. And with that all my pain and suffering will, finally be at peace.

      Thank you for your kind words. I do appreciate them but my time on is earth is nearly over. I still have 3 weeks left. And will spend as much of it as I can with my daughter. I Know she knows I don’t have long left even though I know she’s to scared to say anything to me. She has watched me struggle for most of her life with living. I know she will be hurt by my death but I really believe in time she will come to understand why I have to do what I’m about to do.

  19. doesnt matter says:

    Okay so i don’t know if this makes sense or not. I do feel like killing myself but i know that i won’t do it. Does that count as me being suicidal? I mean i did try a few years ago to do it. I took some pills but didn’t work i only threw up. But i keep having these thoughts. It goes away for sometime for a week or a month or even more but then it comes back. I feel like my feelings aren’t important. Its just me being over dramatic. I haven’t told anyone. I did cut but I’ve stopped because i got scars and didn’t want people questioning it. I always cry most of the nights thinking about how much of a disappointment i am to my family. I can’t help it. I feel like I’m only being a burden to them. I feel like no one would care if i were never to come home or just disappear or die. And the funny thing is they love me, i know that. I feel like they’ll just shed few tears and then their life will go back to normal and i wouldn’t even be a memory. I tell myself that it doesn’t matter, they love me but even then i feel alone. Opening up to people is really hard for me. And i feel like they’ll judge me. I know what I’m feeling is irrelevant. And I’m crying as am writing this. I was fine for so long and then yesterday it all came back. I don’t wanna feel like this anymore. Its really hard for me to trust people, even my closest friends. The thought of people judging me for who i am scares me shitless. Even when I’m walking on the road and when people passing by loom at me i can’t help but feel like they’re judging me for how i look or they’re thinking how ugly i am. I feel hopeless, sad, alone. I feel alone even though there are so many people in my life that i know they love me. That is why i tell myself I’m being overdramatic and what i feel doesn’t matter. That i don’t matter. And i think that if i die, the reason will be me.

    • jay says:

      Hey, I know what being sad feels like, I like to use the word sad instead of depression because depression is just plain ugly and hard to type. I will like to know more about you, but first let me tell you something I learned in kindergarden that I recently saw again. Your body is your temple, guard it , protect it , be proud of it after all it is all we have. When we try to hurt ourselves we are destroying ourselves literally, is like bull dozing your temple, when you thing negative you are putting graffiti on your temple, every negative thought is another ugly graffiti on your temple, eventually it becomes so ugly that then you want to get on the bulldozer and run over it. But there is always paint that you can put on the graffiti to cover those negative thoughts, but buying paint is not the easy part, is painting your temple again, so every time I paint my temple I paint over negative thoughts I have thought of or things people may have said, it is the hardest but most fulfilling part because as I paint I completely read what the graffiti says I know it’s not true I know I cannot think what everyone is thinking so I can’t make assumptions but when I pass my brush over it, they are completely gone. The whole moral of the story is that you can always re invent yourself, your inner self and then once you become a pro painter you can go around people’s temples and ask them if they need help painting and ask for help to, because it is very hard to paint on your own. I will like to hear more from you, we are all here to help :)

  20. Constance says:

    Hello, reading your post made me positive. I have been searching for reasons on why I should not commit suicide and you have given me the reasons so thank you. I will continue on with life and achieve the goals I have set for myself

  21. jay says:

    To make a long story short, Ive a broken heart and feel very depress, its hard to go with life, thats all I think about, how less of a person I am than her pass boyfriend, who is in the army, Im going to be a nurse, I am the opposite of her boyfriend, skinny , non native , soft spoken not by choice but because I offer people respect thats the way I was raised, Im no wimp but I feel as I am no value other than to my family, girls take me as a joke because I look young, I know in my heart that I try to be a good person, Im in a family with financial problems who have no one to help us out because we barely have any family here., my main problem is feeling depress at work and trough my whole day, no one knows how bad I feel inside, ive to hold my tears everywhere I go, I cry myself to sleep almost every night, Ive very good self control for a person my age, Im almost like a role model to my family members but no one knows how hurt Im inside, just thinking about it makes tears come out of my eyes. I have a family that loves me, one of my parents is very depress Im her only friend, but I dont wanna make her sad by telling her how much I missed a chance in life to be with my soul mate I know it sounds corny but she is the sweatest thing in the world she completes me I cant even look at other girls because I still love her,,,,,,,,, and how hard it has been for me to be in nursing school has affcted me, My biggest problem is thinking about my life when I eat and loosing appetite, I dont skip meals , I force myself to eat but know one knows how hard it is to eat, how can I get rid of this sadness thats killing me inside. I want to sit down and study and dont think about how less I am to her ex boyfriend who she tells me she still has feeling for after seven moths of breaking up. This really hurts, no cliche quotes can get rid of this crap its almost like an illness but invisible. Im not planning into checking out I just wanna get over this problem and move on, by the way she is in my nursing class too, Im still stuck seen her for another semester, its a reminder of how useless I am. Thanks for reading.

    • Sameer says:

      hey JAY… i just need someone who i can talk to at this moment.. is it possible that we can talk and share few things which we are not able to share with anyone.. HOPE is the only thing left… I have made mistake, im guilty for it.. I love this person immensely…. Need help… pleaseee…

    • jay says:

      Hi Sammer I hope all is well, sorry for answering so late, I really want the best for everyone on this site, no one really knows how much depression hurts, but at least we can all relate into something in here, for me is a group of things that ive not been able to deal with. I dont really know how else to communicate with you but just know that I will keep you in mind……jay

  22. Unknown says:

    I’m completely stuck. I’m currently 24 years old and i live in an European country. I suffer from severe ADHD since childhood. During my teen years depressions came along. I somehow managed to finish some shitty degree and went on to college last year. I dropped out the first semester in economics (not because of the grades those were good) because i couldn’t handle that emptiness in me anymore. Now I’ve been literally sitting at home for the past 8 months. I don’t go out, i isolated myself from family and friends and i can’t find a job. And even if i was able to find a job everything in life bores me to death. I’m a total failure although i know something in me is worth something. I’m not stupid. As a child i had to make an IQ test and got a score of 127. School never really challenged me on an intellectual level. But i feel I’m stuck in a world where i can’t possibly live up to my potential. I am just different i perceive the world different than many others and it has always been that way or at least i believe it to be so. I despise this society, this system, the educational system etc. I just can’t fit into society and it’s not due to lack of social skills or something. This world disgusts me to be honest. I have absolutely no motivation left for anything. I mean literally anything sometimes I’m even too lazy to eat. The only joy i can find is nature. But how can i live this way? We’re slaves we have to work to produce money… I don’t want to die intrinsically but i see no solution anymore. I’ve tried so many things during my life. Dozens of medications and different therapies, I’ve even been in a mental hospital for five weeks when i was 16. I just recently started a new therapy but i already see how useless it is. Sry for my bad english it’s not my native language.

    • Unknown says:

      In a nutshell i am a loser of this modern world. “Free world” my ass

    • Chris says:

      I feel exactly like you. I don’t know what to do. I have 13 days left before I’m kicked out, after my father assisted in maxing out both credit cards that I somehow got through his lying. I look for jobs, I apply to any job I can find, and I walk in with a resume and I’m told to go online. I go online, and submit everything I could possibly submit but nothing ever seems to happen for me. “What am I expected to do?” I asked, many times to multiple people. I can never get an answer. I’ve had it easy for few years, I pulled my weight with part-time work and odd-job/temporary work, but recently, I’ve been expected to carry more, and I’d be so willing to do so if I were given a chance. I feel like I can’t do anything else but beg for even a chance at a job, endlessly. I constantly wonder, why everyone expects me to contribute to this society, but at the same time, refuse to hire me. I’d like nothing more than to pull my weight, but it’s like I’m facing so much resistance, and I have no idea why.

      Maybe I’m clueless, maybe something’s wrong with me mentally because, after all, I did end up here by googling thoughts of suicide, looking to see if anyone feels the way I do. I could talk for hours and hours with pure honesty, desperately looking for a path to take or some clue of what to do next. I never thought I’d consider suicide, but I’m having a hard time finding any downside of me dying. I know I’m worth more, I know what I’m capable of. But how do I start from zero? Why should my life be dependent on strangers, to provide me with honest work. Why do some people get a job instantly without so much as a 2 minute interview? Some of which haven’t even completed high school. How can I advance my education if I have no means of paying for it?

      It’s possible that I’m wrong, in general. The way I think, the way I think of the real world. I know I need help, but I hate asking for it. Because no one deserves to hear me struggle. However, I’m struggling for a reason to live right now, Even now, I tear up reading this as I type, because I never thought I’d come to the internet filled with strangers to finally be as open and honest as I am right now.

      Last thing I want to say, is that I won’t take myself down without a fight. Though, I’m afraid I’m going to deem my life totally impossible, if I’m still refused even while taking the actions as everyone else, for them to easily find work. I have to fight for me, I have to fight to stay alive. I realize more than ever, that mental illness is so real and more painful than I could have ever imagined, but it’s no excuse for me to not to be able to pull my weight, and I hope someone, somewhere finally cuts me that one break that I desperately need, to prove myself and to prove to myself that I’m worth more than I am right now.

      My name is Chris, and I hope not many people feel the way I feel now. Even though I know I’m not alone. Also, to the poster I’m replying to, your story was the first one I’ve ever read regarding this matter, and made me truly realize that I’m not totally alone, and I hope that neither of us reach that certain threshold. I’ve been awfully close, but this is the closest I’ve ever felt to it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Welcome to the club, I am a loser in Venezuela 30 years old, the only reason i have made it this far is because i depend on my family, i too have nothing in this life that is worth living except one thing VIDEOGAMES. Sadly i am a lazy piece of shit that live in a rich country that has been robbed of his future for more than 25 years now i failed at college couldnt graduate, my family is going to move to chile but since i dont have any degree i cant go with them, i have a shitty job and no way to survive for myself and the only reason i am still alive is because videogames, i never got a girlfriend in my life heck i a damm virgin i dont believe in Crap like Gods or fairy crap like that so if there is a god, he is one Big Son of bitch that probably enjoy mankind sufferment but since he doesnt we cant really count on anyone other than US and maybe family….now my other problem is that i lack autoestime or whatever is wrote, i dont like myself, i can t even believe or Trust in myself most of the time and i guess i am too much of a coward to kill myself but since my country is so dangerous i am just hoping to get Robbed (again) and this time actually fight back and get shot and die once and for all and put an end to this pathetics and mediocre existence that i have been carrying on for the past 30 years.

  23. S. Hayden says:

    I’m 41 years old. I divorced my ex because of her infidelity and have been trying to heal from this ordeal ever since. My efforts to be a writer have met with little success — it seems only a select few manage to get into that club because they were famous to start with. The disappointment and pain is too much to bear. Why should I stick around? Years of being treated like a slave, ignored, or just discarded because I didn’t have the looks or the money (or both) have led me to conclude that my death would end this turmoil. My best years have passed, and there is no way to relive them.

    • vic says:

      I’m depressed as shit…
      But, oh well… enough about me.
      Your writing seems freaking good… Ok, english is not my 1st language, but I can def tell…
      Who cares about your ex? Screw her… There are so many more women around… Also, you don’t need someone else…
      Anyways, I just bothered to answer bc your writing feels really well written, yet easy to grasp. You should not stop.
      That’s just my 2 cents.
      Fuck money and looks.
      If I had the same level you present on your writing, in my music production abilities I would NOT quit.

    • vic says:

      Also, I have money and looks.
      It’s NOT about that.
      Hope moderation accepts both my messages.

    • vic says:

      Yeah, also, years have passed, so what?
      I’m 30 and feel the same.
      We can change our future though.
      Sorry I responded in steps…
      Just read it again and again.

  24. girl says:

    It’s hard to see a lot of teenagers write on here saying they’ve been depressed for one or multiple years and want to die. I’ve been suicidally depressed for decades. The old line that it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem really doesn’t understand the situation. There is no cure for depression. If you’re over 25 (I’m almost 40), it is likely you will be dealing with this for the rest of your life. I have no friends, the family I do have won’t talk to me. I’m highly allergic to anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. There are no medications I can take, and I have been told twice by different clinics that I’m not a good candidate for ECT (for specific reasons).

    I haven’t slept more than a few hours a night in years. I cry every day. I’ve been on suicide watch dozens of times from failed attempts. My health is failing, I can’t concentrate. I have never heard a single compelling reason for me to stay alive. Depression eats you away from the inside until there’s nothing left. You lash out at people because you’re so hurt and people eventually grow tired of it. There’s a thing in medicine called “compassion fatigue”. I think a lot of this kind of these kinds of articles are helpful for a large segment of people who are suicidal and for those people: You definitely should NOT kill yourself! However, there is another, smaller segment where it’s much harder to build that same case. I am totally convinced that certain people should not continue to keep themselves alive “at all costs”. There is another way out.

    • Kayla says:

      Hey girl, I’m only In my twenties but I can sympathize and can relate to some of the exact things you’re saying. I’m super sensitive & allergic to meds too. Because of a physical problem I can’t drive or work and I have only two people I can talk to about suicide. My mom’s family doesn’t contact me. My mom kicked me out while I was on suicide watch and she is disappointed and pretty much done with me. That sucks I know :( so sorry your family is like that

      I feel for you about the crying. I do that too and usually it’s most days sometimes everyday & for hours and the only way I can stop crying is to choke myself until I can’t breathe or hurt myself so that it’s physical pain instead of feeling like my heart is bleeding.

  25. Anonymous says:

    I want to die. I am tired of fighting.

  26. Anonymous says:

    Hi, I’m 13 years old(female). I’ve been feeling depressed for about a year, though I have not been clinically diagnosed. What caused the depression was that I was sexually abused by a close friend. I have had suicidal thought she, and I have them often. I went to a hospital overnight since cops came to my house from me threatening to kill myself. I have been doing self harm a couple months after the hospital, I would do if daily but now j do it ever once in a while. I honestly just feel like I’m hopeless, there is no point in me being here, that nobody cares about me, etc. This article was nice and all, but it didn’t help me as much. It did a little, but not as much. I also have a boyfriend. Him and I are also really close as friends. I feel like he doesn’t really like me, which I did confront him with. Even though people tell me they like me and that I’m their best friend, i don’t believe them. My mind has changed and so has my personality. I’m down more often, and get more frustrated and irritated quicker. I feel like I’m really annoying and rude to eevrubody. I’m also a little hit of an introvert. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so confused and lost. I decided to comment to see if even somebody I don’t know would even give a crap.
    I’m sorry if I bothered anybody at all. if I did, please forgive me.

    • Anonymous says:

      Well let me give a crap then, though to be honest I don’t really know what to tell you. Seems shitty what you are going through and i can’t really relate since I haven’t experienced what you did and I can’t even remember being 13… I think most people feel lost at some point, would be nice if someone would just find you right :) sadly it’s not that easy and you have to try and do that yourself, it’s hard and frustrating, even exhausting, but I believe that if you find something you want to be or enjoy doing that it might be possible to be happy(ish) or at least not like shit. Often times the world will throw so much bad stuff at you and you might loose that believe (how I ended up reading this article).
      Luckily I read your comment and wondered what it is that you might want from life, reminding me what it is that I want, so no I wasn’t annoyed by your comment, I’m rather thankful, because it did help me. So thank you, hope you find a way to feel better too ( that does not include hurting yourself). I’m sorry I can’t do more for you.

    • Anonymous says:

      well shit, that sound rough….well you are 13 right? 13 is way too early to think about suicide, but me i am 30 years old and maybe i didnt get assaulted or anything but i live in a garbage country with no future, i am a loser that still lives with their parents, have no talents, no motivations or dreams and the only reason i am here is because Videogames, i never got a girlfriend and even when i have 2 good friends and 1 Best Friend which took me 16 years to find i am not happy i feel worst and worst the more i live the more i regret my life because at some point my parent wont be with me and since i am useless i wont be able to survive in my own, specially if you live on Venezuela the shittiest country in the world….yet.

      If it was possible i would trade with you any day…..well except that i am male and you are female….

  27. Rose says:

    I want to die to be with the only person in the world who ever loved me.She died 2 years ago and I still can’t stop missing her or thinking of her every day. I am 52 years old and I only want to lay down on her grave and die.I think of this constantly. Come back to me my Love.

  28. Nope says:

    Hi, I am 14 years old. I have been self harming for a few months now. My parents don’t know, and I have told one of my closest friends, but it seems as if they don’t care.
    I realised something wasn’t right with how I was thinking about stuff a week or so ago so here I am…

    Cutting started months ago. Suicidal thoughts when I was ten. When I was eleven I gave up. I couldn’t cope with the voices in my head which are still here today. They give me panic attacks and I mostly always feel worthless. At some point this became to much for me, and eleven year old me tried to stop. I tried to drown my self. I succeeded in doing so, but my friend (the friend I told) sort of saved my life. And didn’t tell.

    I still get thoughts telling me I am worthless and it wouldn’t matter if I was gone. Even after reading this, the voices contradicted everything and made me feel worse.

    I feel like I can’t breathe. I feel I can trust no one, even myself. I can’t sleep. At all. It is 1:47am while I am just writing this. I hate the idea of killing myself, but every day leads to me wanted to die even more, I hate the idea because I don’t want people fussing over me when they realise.

    I am now 14. After attempting suicide, cutting so much that you run out of hide able places to cut, several panic attacks and arguments with myself, I have given up again. I need someone to talk me out of this. Please say something to stop me.

    Most people who I have tried talking to say “you are only young, your brain couldn’t possibly think shit like that” yeah well meet the girl who tried to die at 11.
    I feel like putting sorry for wasting your time. But before I do, I can suggest something that helped me.

    Music. I listen to music 24/7. Mostly twenty one pilots and troye sivan but both make me feel ‘better’. Also watch tv. Get obsessed with something so you can distract yourself like that.

    But yeah. Sorry for wasting your time. And sorry for saying that because every time I do I get told off.

    Shit. I wrote a lot. Please say something to change my mind about killing myself. And make sure it’s not ‘you still have the rest I’d your life… your too young…’

    • Mina San says:

      First of all, Hey. I’m pretty late on this and I hope you are still here to read those words but I wanted to tell you that you are never alone with this. Me, being 16 and as suicidal as ever understands your struggle a lot, I stopped self harming at your age but seem to slowly pick up that behavior again. Anyways I hope you are doing better than those 2 months ago when you wrote this, Of course that might just be wishful thinking since depression is a long term issue. It’s good that you are a member of the clique and use music to express yourself, that means you have, although you feel very helpless a passion. I don’t want to start the whole “You’re too young to be depressed”-crap because that is simply idiotic..Hell! even babies can be depressed!
      I’m sorry, I get easily distracted, I think what is important now is that you get support from friends (I understand if you don’t want to talk to your family about it) or even from your siblings if you have some. I just wanted to tell you..that I am here if you ever need someone. stay alive.

  29. ken says:

    Ive tried 16 different things and they are the reason for my parylizing and self harm thoughts and you freaking write try another. Seriously

  30. Anonymous says:

    Most people will think this is stupid and think this is nothing against some people and reading some of the comments makes me notice how horrible life is. I am an 11 year old girl for the Lord’s sake. I have auto immune liver disease, divorced parents and a suffering mother. If she was able to cry before my older sister, my little brother and I, well, we would be soaked to the bone. My father left my mother for a lady who is ok but I have only seen her for 3 weeks worth throughout a year and already my father is marrying to her. I do not pose any hate on her at all. My mother has talked to me only about my father making her seem horrible and threatening her with court 3 times. If that was to happen, we would not have enough money for all of our side and lose the house. And how I feel is that he will just take us and leave my mother with my elderly grandmother. Much more is happening around this base that I am scared to mention.

    I have really considered suicide also, never attempted it though. I suffer from huge amounts of depression constantly. I feel tormented and cry myself to sleep every night. I was also scared to comment this.

  31. Kayla says:

    I’ve done all the advice and suggestions. Literally. Been suicidal for almost one year and almost every single day of the past year. Been in psych ward twice in five months. Tried and tried antidepressants. Yes, I’m aware there’s over two dozen. The last one I was on made me had seizures. And I lost my job due to liability issues because of the seizure. Antidepressants made me worse. I tell myself almost every day it’s going to be okay. Survived four attempts, nothing I try works. Every one thinks I should be dead from what I’ve done. For some reason I’m here, there’s surely got to be a reason.

  32. Anonymous says:

    I really wanna kill myself I have been emotionally abused so bad. I can’t even leave my house. Everything now scares me. Verbal also I’m just sick and tried. I’m on constant panic that people are gonna kill me or hurt me. My dad would emotionally abuse me then say sorry he said nothing to my sister. Or my brother. My only part that kept going was my designs my poetry my art and music. I used to not live in the past. Because I over came what people told me. I really don’t know how to form relationships cause of the abuse. I’m terrified of men. I have no identity who I am. I really wanna kill myself. I hate how they harmed me emotionally and physically.

  33. Denisa says:

    What happens when you have no choice, but to commit suicide? I am being evicted for non-payment of rent. Just need enough to get caught up, but have no family at all and no friends. No shelters here unless you have kids……a motel would be $75 a night……..I in all honesty have NO other choice. No YMCA in the area and no car. I have called every solitary agency, person that I can and they all say ..since you have no kids, we cannot help you….no offense, but then they wonder why so many people have kids just for services……

  34. Liam says:

    But what if you’re alone? What if your family think you’re bad instead of ill and alienate you? What if your illness has resulted in your becoming homeless and NOBODY will listen to you? I’ve spent so long fighting. So long. I don’t have any fight left.

  35. Anonymous says:

    I’m 14 and I’ve been depressed for 3 years. It’s been especially bad these past 7 months. I have to think getting my first boyfriend triggered it. I thought he understood me at first, but after we started going out, things went very wrong. First he constantly accused me of not being affectionate enough and just made me feel horrible about it everyday. I tried my best to be good to him, I swear. I kissed him in front of people, even though it made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I always cuddled him, even though it felt way too intimate. He also totally didn’t trust me. He’d constantly ask horrible questions about things like who I’d date if he died. I even found out today that he tried to get my guy friend to ask me out to test my loyalty(my friend refused). But the one thing that made me feel better was that I felt I could be somewhat honest with him, since I always had to act happy around my friends. It got some weight off my shoulders. But then, he decided to stop being honest with me, so I felt I had to stop as well. I found out he went to other people to talk about his problems. All of the people he went to were girls. This really disturbed me. He and I, over time, got to the point at which almost every conversation we had ended in an argument. We finally broke up a few weeks ago. but, personally, it feels more like we broke up a few months ago. Then, my depression got worse than ever. I don’t want to do things anymore. I’m always just sad. Or worse, indifferent. It gets so bad that I feel faint and dizzy. Every day I think that it can’t get worse than it already is and I always get proven wrong the next day. I’ve tried to reach out to friends, but they always just get awkward and change the topic. They just don’t take me seriously. I’ve tried reaching out to my parents in the hopes of getting a psychiatrist and prescribed antidepressants but They don’t believe I’m depressed. I just feel so lonely. I can’t do this anymore. The only thing keeping me from chugging down a bottle of pills is my Christianity. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just hope I don’t lose control and I hope that things get better. I just felt like writing that down so that somebody would know that I’m in pain. Thanks for reading.

  36. Anonymous says:

    I have been in a abusive relationship for over 5 years. I am a guy and this women has pretty much killed me. I have tried to leave her but she ended up pregnant and I wanted to be there for my son. She has hit me with bats frying pans u name it. I am not allowed to hang with my friends as she says she has none. I work 5 to 7 days a week. And that’s all I do. My neighbor finally called the cops on her but she just getting a slap on her wrist from the judge. The minstry is taking my son away i am not allowed in my house as the court says she has no where to go so she has to stay there. I have already suffered a heart attack from her and i am only 25. I have to declare bankruptcy and now I have lost my son I have now lost everything else so tell me how I can rebuild how can I trust a single person again. I want to take my own life as I have nothing left and no one to even help.

    • Mio says:

      Would you be able to stay alive if you think about how you may be able to see your son again sometime? I always try to think of something or someone to keep me alive.

      I am so sorry that such a horrible woman have ruined your life in this way and I hope you will be able to take your life back and heal, but I know it won’t be easy. You’re strong for having made it as far as you have and you may be able to keep on fighting if you have a reason, and the best reason I can find is your son.

    • Anonymous says:

      Ive been through a lot, name it.i got molested and almost raped by my own father…im only 43 yrs old and i survived..but now i get married i thought i will have somebody to make me feel im loved but why its not what i expected. Im doing everything he wants me to do as in everything i even giving him a bath and scrub him from head to foot..clean his nails every 5 days,everythings ready his food his clothes his coffee everything..why i wasnt treated right?i even telling him go out with his friends,relax and go out and do what he wants but hes always grumpy all the time. He even throw everything on me when hes stress at work..he even accusing me of having interest on other man. I dont even go out with my friends if i go out hes with me. Im taking care of my children,i do all the works in the house and i dont complain. Why i deserve to be mistreated. I even get yelled sometimes just for asking him what he wants me to cook for supper.. Im just thinking of my 2 young ones…im having suicide thoughts but im thinking of my children 5 and 6 yrs old,how they can live without me?

  37. Anonymous says:

    I have graduated mechanical engineering in 2015 I really don’t know what to do with my life.. And I am also a coward who can’t take his life…

  38. Anonymous says:

    Yeah..this article really wasn’t helpful…

  39. Anonymous says:

    least helpful thing ive ever read

  40. Seth says:

    I’ve been going through heavy depression for about 4 years (25 yr old now) and little quotes have been a big help for me. One of the ones that kept me going was “where there is life there is hope”. Even if you’re doing nothing with your time and you’re wasting away doing things you don’t enjoy there is always the chance that things will improve… I think most of us can remember a time we were happy and if not there’s always a hope we can create moments of happiness in the future. Death is final, As sad as it sounds I’ve thought many a time that even if I’m a complete failure in life there’s still albums, computer games and people that are worth waiting for. Also there’s a comical Winston Churchill quote that goes : “If you’re going through hell : keep going” hopefully that’ll help some of you out there.

  41. You are an idiot says:

    People who write this shit are fucking idiots. Maybe a pill will help? Oh yeah, that’s going to fix all of the financial issues and crippling loneliness. Moron. You should be ashamed.

  42. Anonymous says:

    I wish I could build a clinic in two states where depressed people can go.It would be called Life Alternatives National (L.A.N.)One in Michigan and one in Oregon.

  43. no name says:

    I have a brother that wants to take his own life. He said that he had enough of this world. He said that me smoking is the same thing as if I was to kill myself, he is saying what I am doing to myself is no difference than he taking his own life. Do you agree with him?

    • Mina San says:

      Well that’s a rather grim outlook on it but calculating the long term problems smoking will bring up it is kind of true. In the sense of you doing it subconciously while your brother fully knows the harm he is doing. I hope your brother is still with you and that you (if you want to) quit smoking to live a healthy future. Take care

  44. Anonymous says:

    I have 2 wonderful girls, 8 & 6. unconditionally wonderful.

    have been depressed all of my life, just finding this out by someone that knows what they are doing, but am now noticing that the “always thinking” in my head is making me crazy…I don’t want to but my finances are at a negative, my hop is…hopeless…& I cant see how I can help anyone…and when I do figure it out…it’ll be time to die.

  45. Anonymous says:

    I answered all your questions. Can I die now?

    • Nope says:

      No, you haven’t helped me. And if you help, then you’ve found something to live for. Helping. Don’t die. Help. Everyone. It makes you feel better about yourself.

  46. Whatever says:

    I have no one in my life.
    Fake relationships. People that lie to me use me and laugh at me. People that ignore me when I try to reach out.

    The only thing anyone ever notices about me is my height. It’s the worst thing ever. No one will talk to me. Date me. Approach me. Be a friend. They make fun of me. Point at me on the street and make comments like I’m some kind of circus freak. There’s nothing I can ever do about it. I can help what I am.

    I’m on medication now. I’ve tried therapy. Even the psychologist ditched me. Canceled appointments without telling me. Wouldn’t listen. I’ve been on so many other meds. Any time I try to tell anyone I’m having a hard time they tell me to get over it. Try harder. Stop complaining. Add more meds. I’m so sick all the time. Tired.

    I get bullied at work and I don’t know why.
    I can’t take being in my life any more.
    But I’m too much of a coward to end it.
    It didn’t work last time.

    • Anonymous says:

      Please don’t… You don’t sound like one of the people that should leave

    • valerie says:

      While this sounds like a ‘line’, there is more right with you than wrong with you. I encourage you to know yourself, who you are deep inside…perhaps who you were as at some happy time in your childhood. That essence of you is who you really are…and you will find you are wonderful and unique. When this happens, you will find you begin to stand up for yourself either aloud or simply internally (or both). Not in an angry or hurt way, but in a matter of fact way, maybe even in a ‘what’s up with you?’ (speaking of the other person) way. Because those who bully or make fun are the ones who are lacking…and you will begin to know this deeply.

  47. Anonymous says:

    what should I do when my decisions have landed me in a situation where it is actually impossible for me and many others to recover from? Worst of all there is nothing I can do to correct it. So you see, I try to look for hope but there isn’t any. I cannot look away from this and this is going to haunt me for the remainder of my life, reminding me of my mistakes at every turn of my life.
    For me it is acceptable to live by begging people for food, what is unacceptable is to face the people I have betrayed, they have forgiven me one too many time and given me one too many chance, and their last chance also went up in flames.
    So please tell me what should I look for? These thoughts are unbearable. There is no switch I can flick to stop them, I tried to dive into other activities to keep my mind away from them but its growing on my mind to a point where I cannot do anything without “consciously” thinking about what I’ve done.

  48. Muddyjeansboy says:

    I’m trying to kill my self for different reasons. One reason is people in my local area attack me over my health problems and get me into trouble for my health problems they think is illegal at them it’s not it’s just health problems and I’ve tried many things to kill my self with nothing working. I just have to carry on as best as I can cause nothing killing me off.

    • Mio says:

      Can you report those people for discrimination based on your health problems?

    • Anonymous says:

      Hi I understand, you are a victim and you have done nothing wrong, don’t internalise it, externalise it by turning it round on them. By this I mean they are bullying you because of your health and you can report this to the police and your health/doctors. Be strong as you taking your own life won’t resolve the issue as the same people will victimise someone else and they will commit suicide as well. So be strong and don’t commit suicide as they are disgusting and ignorant and you are not. Please don’t harm yourself in any way. You don’t deserve to die because of people who are nasty. They are not worth it. They are horrible and ignorant. You aren’t. You care and have feelings so don’t let the bad guys win. Trust me you are worth more than they are and you need to realise that.

  49. Anonymous says:

    I can’t win. Nothing helps. Not talking, not meds, no nothing. Add to this an unbearable work load, low pay, stress, insomnia, and you have yourself a recipe for disaster. I’m just a serf, toiling away for others, suffering in silence and despised by all. I just work, sleep, repeat. My choices in life are always between a bad choice and a worse choice. In other words; I have no choices.

    Guess I’ll just suffer on then.

  50. Ga, Man says:

    Can’t find a job to be real man don’t have the things other people have car home money Pride

  51. Alicia says:

    I screwed up with something major in my life, and it has caused me to consider suicide. I was in the psych ward for a little bit, but got myself released. I recently had another bout with my suicidal thoughts and my sister called the police. They took me back to the ER and almost admitted me back to the psych ward. I’ve been depressed over all of this stuff and I’m still thinking of ways to kill myself. I realize how hurt my family will be, but I strongly believe suicide is the only answer. I keep playing out scenarios in my head of how I would comitt suicide.

    • Eric says:

      Thinking. That is a problem. Depressed people sleep a lot, because when you sleep, you do not have to think. I became an adrenaline junkie. Exercising, such as swimming, biking, hiking, kayaking, weight lifting kept me very occupied. Pretty soon my body was so physically fit, and my body chemistry was working at an optimal level, that I became a very emotionally stable person. Then I married (at 32). She totally disrupted my life, instead of complementing or enhancing it. 20 years later my money is gone, my credit destroyed, and my health has significantly deteriorated. Consequently I have become a very emotionally unstable person. So I am here. And I am thinking way too much again. Like you are. I tell you what, Alicia. Right now I will pray for you. And you do the same for me. Even if you ‘don’t believe’, do it. After all, if there is no God, what does it matter if you spend 5 minutes saying some words out loud? Who besides you would ever know? But if there is a God, maybe, just maybe he will answer.

  52. James says:

    I’m 27 and I have reoccurring suicidal urges. I’ve lost every romantic relationship I’ve been in, including a broken off engagement, and I’ve failed in every attempt to heal my broken heart. I have failed to write the book I wanted to write. I’m full of ideas, but completely incapable of expressing them. I’ve lost my faith, which was once a pillar that kept me steady. I have comfort, a little money, and a couple good friends, and I wish this were enough to keep me enthusiastic for life.

    I read this article and I think to myself that so many of the joys in life, the little things like seeing sunrises, spending time with a good book, walking in summer, listening to music; all of these would make life bearable, but distracting myself from the pain in such ways would be a full time job. This is to say nothing of the other weighty of the responsibilities I bear. I have work and grad school. When I have time off, I can be at peace. But when I am forced back into the circumstances of my reality, I want to leave it all.

    I’ve tried positive thinking. But my depression has spawned demons in my head. I hear voices. No, no actual auditory hallucinations. But for each pleasant thought, for each good memory I have, the voices find a way to taint it, to make me turn in on myself in self-loathing. For 27 years, the voices have made me hate myself. The longer I am alive, the more mental thought associations they corrupt in my brain.

    I am collapsing under the weight of my own existence. And the worst part is that I’ve considered every possible alternative option. No matter what I do to stave off the idea that I should die, I keep drifting down into a suicidal stupor. I never go through with it. I’m not brave enough. Or I think that perhaps things might get better and I’ll have killed myself 5 minutes before a miracle comes my way. This thought, along with some brute survival instinct, are all that keep me alive.

    I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I’ll kill myself, but I don’t think I’ll live either. You can destroy people without killing them. Have I been destroyed, only to keep living?

    None of this matters. I wrote this longwinded mess of words in a drunken stupor. In the wild mess of anonymity that is the internet, this confession of mine has meant nothing. I’m not even sure I’ll accept help if someone offers it. I just wanted so badly to say what was on my mind, and for someone to read it.

    • Mio says:

      Hey James, thanks for sharing your feelings, that is – in my experience – the first step to getting better. Talking about how I am struggling have helped me a lot actually, I was incredibly suicidal about 6 months to a year ago until I found the right psychiatrist so, as hard as it is to believe, sometimes there is hope.

      Do you talk to your good friends? I am sure they’d appreciate your trust in them and maybe they can help, if even just a little. Either way it’s good to share our pain with someone, keeping it trapped only inside our minds is toxic.

      I don’t know what else to say because I still struggle a lot myself and I haven’t really found THE ultimate thing that helps me, but I know how hard it is to think positive thoughts, but sometimes you don’t have to do exactly that to get better.

      Other than talking with friends and/or a psychiatrist I would suggest self-help books. Yeah, I know, stupid, right? They may not be helpful for each and everyone, and I used to be very much against them myself, but I’ve reached a point in my life where I am desperate for them because I feel stuck in life and they give me hope that they will be able to help me help myself.

      So far the best ones I’ve read are Mindsight by Daniel Siegel and Self-compassion (?) by… I think it was Kristine Neff or something.

      You should also try looking into ACT – Acceptance Commitment Therapy, maybe that is something for you!

      I hope you start feeling better soon and that you move forward in life. I have faith in you!

    • Anonymous says:

      Give the the mysterious stranger by Mark Twain a read. It made me feel OK with hating the world and humanity as a whole

    • Shyly says:

      Hi, James! I hope, you can try to pause & read this message. I myself is suffering from depression for almost 5 years now. It is difficult. Even until now, but I tried my best to cope. At first, I don’t want to believe that I’m suffering from depression. So, went to see the doctor and they confirmed that I am suffering from it.

      I’m not a bad person, but because of the things that life brings me, I find it difficult to cope. Thinking of suicide makes me think that I’m a bad person (just my opinion). I’m not saying that people who thinks of suicide are bad, coz they are not. Just like me, people with depression find it difficult to cope with life.

      I used to be strong, a happy person. I guess that strength is still there, but not as happy as I used to be. I’m a very religious person and even asked for a sign, to show me that what I’m doing is bad, & miraculously I’ve seen some signs. I pray to Him and ask to please lighten up my problems because I might not be able to carry them anymore. You know while I’m typing this there’s tears in my eyes. I don’t want to leave my loved ones. I know I’m important to them and I know they love me as well.

      All I can say is, please, please, please think about those people who love you.

      I may not know you (people who suffers depression like me), but don’t lose hope.

      To those people who suffer from depression like me, try reading some inspiring books or accept advise from people who cares about you. Try eating some uplifting food.

  53. Chad says:

    I’m 16 and I have nothing to live for. I have always been socially awkward and I can’t hold a conversation with people I don’t know. I’ve slowly been losing my friends. Before this year I have never gotten below a B but now I have gotten many F’s and lots of D’s. I’ve been talking to two therapists but that hasn’t been helping. I rarely go to school anymore and my vice principal said he will take me to court if I have poor attendance this term. My depression and anxiety keep getting worse and I am so alone. I keep getting mood swings every day. The medication I’ve tried hasn’t worked. My mom keeps punishing me when I slip up by taking away my car, grounding me, taking my phone away, and much more. My parents think I deserve to go to jail but I never thought I was a bad person. I used to be really smart and I wanted to be a brain surgeon but now I’m considering dropping out of high school. Everybody talks about me behind my back and it sucks. I have gotten into some drug abuse but none of the hardcore stuff. I never sleep and I’m hardly ever hungry. I keep thinking about how I’m going to end my life. The only person I trust is my brother but our relationship is getting worse. I don’t want to live the life I’m headed towards.

    • Mio says:

      Hey Chad, I hope you’re feeling better

      I quit school before I even finished 10th grade so I understand how stressful school is and I don’t think your vice principal is helping with his attitude, neither is your mom with her punishments. They should support and encourage you, not make you feel more pressured and bad.

      I know it’s probably scary just to think about, but if you’re already feeling so bad you want to die have you thought of talking to your family about how hard everything is? You could start with your brother since he’s the one you trust the most – your relationship may even be getting worse because you’re struggling (I am not saying it’s YOUR fault, just that sometimes our personal struggles affect our relationships and it is out of our control – it has happened to me many times.)

      As for everyone talking behind your back – everyone gets talked about behind their backs. Humans are flawed and we do stupid shit all the time because of it, but just because someone says bad things about you doesn’t necessarily mean they really think of you that way entirely, we can’t all like everything about a person or the things they do – but if they do, don’t give them anymore of your time or energy. And also, what they say or think about you isn’t necessarily true! If you can, try to surround yourself with people that you like and trust and who makes you feel good.

      Last but not least: Try to have some compassion for yourself. I don’t think you sound like a bad person at all, I think you sound like a soon-to-be-a-young-man who’s struggling with things that are difficult and hard on him and wish someone would have faith in him.

      I have faith in you, Chad, I think you’re strong and I think you can make it through this, but you may need to work a little bit for it because life is unfair like that, as if being alive in the first place isn’t work enough. Try talking to people you may not have talked to before – like your parents or your brother, tell them how you’re struggling, appeal to their sympathy and fight for yourself because you deserve it. You deserve to be heard and understood and helped and supported. You deserve to be able to move forward in your life.

      I hope that one day I’ll read about a famous brain surgeon named Chad.

    • Jill says:

      You are so young please don’t kill yourself. You have a lot ahead of you. You have just begun to live. Pray and try to have positive thoughts about what will happen in the future. Suicide is so permanent. I’m 42 but at 18 my long term boyfriend of 6 years killed himself. To this day my heart still breaks and no matter how much I cry I can NEVER bring him back. One day you may find a soul mate. You have so much to hope for. Please be strong and look for solutions that are not suicide.

  54. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for this article.

    “There is a good saying: Don’t quit five minutes before your miracle”

    This put a smile on face I got to read this part after I prayed with my kids…they came in the room and saw me crying. ..again thank you

  55. personal says:

    To look at me you would never believe it; I’ve been bullied my entire life, students, teachers, bosses, family. I’ve had only my mother to go to, but she is tough love and doesn’t want to deal with my problems. I have much love in my heart for those who are unfortunate and at the same time much anger for those who take advantage and hurt people. I have no friends, all those who I thought were my friends have betrayed me in some way.

    I’ve been told that people think I’m “cocky”, I find that so hard to believe. I’m quiet and have been told I’m good looking many times, but I don’t see it. I’ve spoke with psychiatrist with no real help. I can’t hold down a job and don’t know why; I go to work, I’m pleasant, I do my job the best that I can. I’m well educated, well spoken and professional. Women managers seem to hate me, and I don’t understand why.

    The cards are stacked against me and have been from birth. I was nearly aborted as my father’s parents wanted my mom to terminate the pregnancy. I tend to believe that maybe I should not be here and my presence is disrupting something, this would account for nothing going my way despite my efforts. I’ve been fighting for nearly 48 years and I’m tired. I’m like a man treading water with nothing to grab as I weaken; I don’t know how much time I have left.

    • Anonymous says:

      This may not help you or you may have already tried this, but it helps me at times and that is helping other people. Sometimes knowing that I helped someone else in even just the slightest way keeps me going. I’m not going to lie, life is a bitch, I’m just like you, I can’t keep a job, I’ve lost a lot of friends, but I help people in anyway I can. And that is what keeps me going.

  56. Anonymous says:

    I want to die, but I’m only fourteen and feel like if I ever die, it’ll be for no reason. But I’m only in ninth grade and stressed out to the point of depression and anxiety. A couple of days ago, I was having a panic attack during school, and was texting my boyfriend to help myself calm down. He really helps me and understands my anxiety and depression, because he deals with them too, as well as a couple other mental illnesses that I won’t put out there. Then, as I was about to thank him and apologize for disrupting his lunch time, (he goes to the same school, we just have different lunches), the teacher told me to put my phone on his desk. As I was about to ask him, on my way out of the classroom, if I could possibly have my phone back, he told me to sign a form and my parents have to come pick up my phone. I went home and told my parents, expecting to be yelled at, which ended up happening. I was yelled at and almost beaten, and I know I’m still a minor so I can’t defend myself and I deserved the lecture because I shouldn’t have been on my phone in class, but it was an act of desperation. I didn’t want to start crying in the middle of a class with 23 boys and only 1 other girl, who all would assume I’m being a hysterical bitch on her period. I tried to explain this to my parents, as a sort of excuse not to get in more trouble. But they only saw the fact that I can’t stop texting my boyfriend and that I’m addicted to my phone, and I don’t want to say it’s true but it could be. I feel so stressed out because of that, because of my bratty little brother who only ever listens to my father and blames his fits of anger on his bipolar, school, sports, the pressure to go to my family’s church every Sunday and Wednesday, despite the fact that I don’t believe, and everything going on in my life. I feel like I shouldn’t be stressed out because I’m only a freshman, I’m not under pressure to get a job, I get allowance every once in a while, and I have a ton of free time most days of the week. I’m falling into depression, and my boyfriend is trying to help me, but I can never talk to him because my sadness makes him feel at blame because he’s too busy to help most of the time, but my parents aren’t there for me. My friends try to help, too, but they don’t really understand. I feel so hopeless and I don’t know why, or how to stop feeling so hopeless. I feel like I should just kill myself, but I don’t want to ruin my boyfriend’s life. He’s told me I’m his reason for living, but I’ve been cheated on by my ex and he told me the same thing, and I don’t know whether or not I trust him fully yet. He’s the only reason I’m still here, but I’m so incredibly fucked up mentally, I feel like I’m just stressing him out even more than he already is. I have horrible trust issues and a nearly crippling fear of anger, and he understands, but I feel like I apologize too much to everyone, and I cry over stupid things and I feel like my feelings aren’t valid anymore because of my parents’ lack of understanding. They only see the bad in me, my problems, and never any of the good I’ve been trying so hard to be. All I ever do anymore is get yelled at, have anxiety attacks because of the yelling, talk to my boyfriend about it in order to calm down, and sleep. I don’t eat anymore, even though my boyfriend asks me if I’ve eaten everyday. I feel so empty and so out of place, my boyfriend tries his best, but he doesn’t help me anymore, but I don’t want to break up with him because I love him too much to do that. I only stress him out though, so I feel like killing myself would be a better option than anything. My parents wouldn’t care if I committed suicide. My sister might, but my parents and my brother wouldn’t.

    • Anonymous says:

      I love you and want more than anything for you to feel better, please talk to someone in a position to help you (like a school psyciotrist), tell them about how you feel and what is going on. I would also really (REALLY, like I mean actually do it! :)) recomend you study a bit of Buddhism and read some teachings, see if that strikes your fancy.

    • Anonymous says:

      My girlfriend went through everything you’re going through when she was your age, and well, so did I. The trick is everything can be fixed at your age as well as any age. Right now you can give your self any future you want. Why not take that chance and make something of it? You’re obviously very bright, I think you can do great things but you need to take steps as well. 1. Try trusting people. Sure you will get hurt a couple times but that’s how you ween out the fake friends from your real friends. 2. What do you want to see your self as when you’re older? Forget about your parents, your boyfriend, and everybody else. What do you want? Because what ever it is you can make it happen, sure it won’t be easy, but you can make it happen. 3. The world can break you or you can make it your oyster, which will you choose? Because I can guarantee you can do either. And if you still can’t give your self an answer for any of these, think of how differently you will feel about this in the future. If you could speak to your future self what would you say to your self? Really, give it a thought. 4. There are always people that are able, willing, and would love to help you. Sometimes they can seem difficult to find but they are out there. If it’s someone on the internet or someone at your school, there is always someone willing to help. I hope this helped, God bless. Don’t forget to give it your all, and I bet you have lot more in you than you know.

  57. Rochelle says:

    I am 26, a mother of five, my youngest is 9months, and I feel like I’m not worthy of trust and everyone is staying away from me or is it me pushing them away but at the end of the day I still feel alone , even when my daughter holds me at night my heart hurts and wish I could take this pain away the feeling of being alone but yet people R around you sucks, I wish I could just end it, what the point on living when your future seems like fuck all? Whats “God” tryna show us? He puts love in our heart but yet we rather kill yourself that to even know what love is. Idk my mind is cloudy with thoughts I can’t comprehend !

  58. NL says:

    I have really been contemplating suicide lately. I am 34 years old and married with a 9 month old daughter. My wife has already threatened to leave me. I am going to jail in the next couple of months for a decision I made in almost a year ago. I have read that suicide rates in jail are so much higher than in the free world. I would much rather do it out here so that it is done right and I don’t mess it up trying to do it in jail where resources are limited. I have made the best of my 34 years and I don’t see much of a future so why live in pain. Without my freedom or family there’s really nothing left.

    • Anonymous says:

      What about your daughter? When she gets a little older she’ll want to know who her dad is. You may not care how I see it but you say you have no family yet I can imagine a beautiful daughter wanting to spend time with her family. Yeah even if your wife wants to leave you, you still have a daughter who will want to know you, grow up with you, seek your guidance that only a father can give. When she gets older and gets married she’ll want you to walk her down the isle. It’s never too late to make a change. I don’t know your entire situation, but from what I’ve read you are a father to a soon loving daughter (especially once she gets a little older), after that maybe even a beloved grandfather. There is a lot you can do, to turn things around just seek out the correct resources and jail isn’t forever (again I can’t be sure of your exact situation but unless you killed someone jail or prison usually aren’t forever). You can do this, if it is of any help I have faith that you got this.

    • Tron7 says:

      Jail is the weirdest environment you will be in. Seriously, it’s more weird than terrible. Always keep your nose in a book when you are on the inside. Most people will not bother you. Also, tell people you are an alcoholic (whether you are or not) and join the AA group on the inside. This will also help to keep you safe. While you are on the inside, if you have a lot of time, use it to come up with a plan for life (re-train on all those tax dollars) once you get out. If you are going to be a short timer, that’s almost harder in a way because you are going to come back out to the exact situation you left. If your wife wants to leave you, let her go and that’s that, because chances are you will not be in a position to ask for forgiveness or make it up to her. Just let her go and start over. Your new criminal record will make it hard to get employed, but that can be managed as well. Go to some trade school to learn something new (not too long a program though). After you graduate, you will have a certificate and some school backing that will get you into a new employment situation. That’s how to do it as an ex-con, unless you want to go back into crime, but I would not recommend that. You are on the grid now, and you are glowing in the dark. Better play it safe. Also, I would highly recommend that you learn to pray, develop a relationship with God even though you may hate his guts right now. In time, He will clear up the mess. Once your head is on straight, and your life has turned around just a little bit you can think about rebuilding old relationships or beginning new ones. I’m with you in spirit my brother. I have been where you are and it sucks mother of ass, but it does get better. Hang on.

  59. R says:

    I have just so tired I have been in military for a little while I feel 20 years older I’m running out of things to keep me going.some days I say maybe to this might be the day I do it

    • Marine Sniper says:

      Hey, I feel your pain. I’m in the same situation your in right now. As a Marine we are trained to be mentally and physically strong for combat, but military never prepare you when rotate back to the real world. I suffer from PTSD and depression. After my relationship with my ex fiancé is when I went into depression and found out later that I suffer from PTSD. Now everyday I’m haunted by all my mistakes both in the military and my relationship. Everyday it’s a battle in my mind to commit suicide. I wish I could give you some advice but I can’t b/c I want to die too! We are warriors with green faces but we are also human too!

  60. jasminsanty says:

    I am going blind. So, right now I am preparing to do it and as well asking my children to accept it.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I’m so sorry about your eyesight. It’s hard to fathom losing the ability to see, and I can understand how that could make you feel hopeless and suicidal. I’m wondering though if there are some possibilities that you haven’t considered, not in terms of restoring your sight, which I assume from what you’ve written is an impossibility, but in terms of restoring your hope. I say this because many people who lose their sight feel devastated and hopeless at first but then come to find that their life still has meaning. Some people benefit from getting services for blind people, such as vocational training (often financed by the state) or a service animal or a personal aide. Some people find meaning in unexpected ways (for example, by experiencing a heightening of the other senses or by deepening their spirituality amid loss). Many things are possible, though I recognize how hard it must be to even think of such possibilities amid the grief and fear (and anger?) that can move into the space once filled by sight.

      I hope you will consider asking for help with your suicidal thoughts. You could always simply postpone your decision, try other possibilities, and re-evaluate after a certain period of time. If you do decide to seek help, one place to start if you are in the U.S. is the national lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). You can also find a list of places to receive help by phone, text, or online chat, at

      I wish for you hope, peace and emotional healing!

  61. Anonymous says:

    IM done living . IM not gonna sit here and tell my story cause as society has already made it the world hates people like me so instead of being here I will disappear I am sorry to all I hurt please forgive me . I just want to end all this pain and suffering and the only way I know how is suicide. Talking,therapy,help nothing worked.

  62. Ed says:

    Hi.. i’m 20 this year. It’s been 5 years i always try not to kill myself. i have problem with relationships, family and my study. Many people dont understand how i feel and always pretend like “I can do it, which means you also can do it too”.
    Firstly, my parents dont like to see me play game online. my parents always push me to always study and forbid me play game online. and they said to me if i play game online, i will be punish and if i failed my subject i take, my dad and my mom dont want me anymore. every time i always being watch by my sister and my aunt, my prents told them to watch me if i play the game, they need to inform my parents. i feel like i’m in the prison with no freedom and always think my life is sucks. in the past i have failed my subject for three times.
    second, i always breakup everytime when i have relationship, many people just used me in order to forget their ex-boyfriend. one of my ex told me that i always think negative and too fast to think about relationship for future.
    Thirdly, just like i said i like playing game. when i’m in bad mood or mood in gaming, i want to play the game but still i suddenly think about what happen if i played the game and my sister and my aunt will tell my parents if i play the game. just now i play game because i want to make myself a little bit happy (just finish my first homework and it’s been 2 weeks i havent play game). but my aunt call my mother in fromt of me and told my mother that i play game and no study (i’m study and i’m just finished my first homework and i’m BORED!)
    I’m too tired for living this life.. many people said to me that more people in this world more unlucky than me. But i think it’s not because of unlucky. but because of people dont understand how i feel and always push me.

    • -I care says:

      I believe the way you feel is very normal. You are at the age where you want to be your own person and do what makes you happy. You are becoming an adult and your parents love you and want you to succeed in life. They know how hard life can be and want to prepare you for your future so in the long run you can live a happy life. You need to find a balance between playing games and study. Soon you will be on your own and no one can control you unless you allow it. You will make decisions for yourself and hopefully chose the path which will lead you to happiness. You are the Master of your Universe !

  63. Suzie says:

    I have been sick for years without a clear diagnosis. Everything from Fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue to Chronic Lyme disease. I took huge amounts of antibiotics, herbs, did acupuncture, ate a healthy diet, therapy, you name it I have done it to get well. Things started to really get bad last summer in 2015. I am now completely disabled. I cannot drive, I am so weak I cannot stand or sit up for more than 5 minutes. The fatigue, dizziness, pain and flu like feeling are beyond anything any human being can endure. I am losing my vision, have lost my sense of smell and taste, touch. I can hardly eat. My hair has fallen out. The infection or whatever gas gone crazy in my body has deterioted my spine making it nearly impossible to be upright or walk. I try my best to take care of my 4 year old son. Everyone thinks I am just depressed and no matter what I tell them they do not believe me. I will be locked in a psych ward, drugged up when the problem is I need something to help my debilating symptoms, so I can function.

    In top of this horrible nightmare, my son is very sick. I believe I passed this onto him when I was pregnant causing his immune system to be very weak. I know he has cancer, his symptoms are:

    Black stools
    Hardly urinates
    Severe dehydration
    Only weighs 33 pounds
    Malnourished because he hardly eats
    Low grade fevers daily
    Swollen lymph nodes in his neck
    Cough for 6 months
    Severely pale
    Bruises all over his legs
    Distended abdomen
    Weak – have to lift him in and out of the tub, into the toilet
    Severe fatigue
    Rapid heartbeat
    Dialated pupils
    I believe he has silent seizures in his sleep
    Sleep apnea
    Shortness of breath
    Rapid breathing
    Gasps for air all night long
    He tells me he is tired all the time and that his legs hurt
    Severe learning problems

    His pediatrician told us it’s preschool sickness, he’s had a cough/cold constantly since starting preschool and all of this is normal. He’s done a few tests, but at this point we need to start ruling out lymphoma or cancer of the bowl/brain. My husband refuses to do any further testing or get another opinion. He screams at me and will send me away if I do anything further. He is letting him suffer and die a slow painful death. You should see how sick he looks.

    I can’t do anything to save my own son because I am so debilated. It is the most torture anyone could ever imagine. I have the support of no one. Tomorrow I am suppose to get a second opinion and my neighbor was going to take me while my husband is at work, however my son will tell him we went and he will take him away from me forever. I am suppose to go see a new therapist in a week and I know I will be forced into a psych ward never to return home. I won’t be able to comply with what they want, I am a cripple it’s like I am 90 years old.

    Either way I will lose my son. I am devastated and heartbroken. My husband will continue to push him like he’s a healthy child when he clearly is suffering. When he crys and crys it about kills me. My husband yells at him.

    I have no say about anything. I don’t even buy anything. My Mom told me I was worthless. I have no one, but my son and he will be taken.

    I am going to end my life within the next 7 days. I will not go blind and be paralyzed in a psych ward. I will not be here to know that my son died due to neglect and not helping him. I cannot live another day of this misery. I will stand in front of a train and pray it takes me right away, for this torture, pain and misery is too much for anyone to bear.

    • Laura says:

      Suzie you are not alone i went through similar things as you i have chronic lyme disease and many co infections that come along with it i passed these onto my children at birth i have suffered as you have and watched my children suffer terribly too i have been disbelieved personally attacked gossiped about and rejected by both sides of my family who will not believe in chronic lyme nor did they listen when i had to carry my daughter who couldnt walk from the pain into the er I understand. I have been right there. Many others have it is a hell no one could understand. Regular medical doctors will not help you or your son and will indeed make your suffering worse i was sick for over ten years horribly so the last years. There are doctors who can help who know what youre living with who will believe you. Dont try to convince anyone dont waste your energy. Please dont kill an incredible selfsacrificing braver than any man woman that you are. There is a light out at the end of the dark tunnel lymes literate medical doctors can save your son they have the specialized knowledge and accurate testing and will believe you and help your nightmare to stop dont waste time on other doctors. Thus incurring more backlash. Do you have anywhere safe you can go to help accomplish a plan look up charles ray jones pediatric lyme specialist in new haven conneticut he saved all three of my children his colleague dr tom moorcroft at origins of health in Berlin conneticut saved mine i couldnt even get myself to the bathroom please let someone help you lymes disease and bartonella and babesia and brucella etc are all co infections meaning a tick comes with many diseases when it bites brucella is not tick borne but has many similar symptoms please dont hurt yourself there is help I know the fact that i ended up on this site reading your letter was not a mistake God knows your pain and cares and so do i. laura

    • Kurt says:

      I’m sorry. It all sounds like hell.

  64. J. toledo says:

    I doubt very much anyone is going to “suffer” from my death. Who cares if i die or not? Seeking counseling is pointless because I don’t trust therapists. They don’t care about how I feel nor do they want to listen to what I have to say. I can’t get anything off my chest because it’s “trendy” to be always positive and never negative. My feelings don’t count for anything, and everything I say is in the wrong, or they think they know you better even if they just met you, so why bother? Either be alone with my thoughts or end it so I don’t have any. I’m just so very tired of dealing with a backward world in which I never have belonged. Does it matter? I don’t matter, so why should dying matter? At least it would be peaceful and end the pain.

    • Kaitlyn says:

      J, I do not know what you’re going through, but I do know this. I’m suffering. You may be suffering, too.But there are always ways to help. I think about killing myself all the time because in my eyes, im worthless. think about your family. think about your friends. think about your future. we love you so please stay in this beautiful world.

  65. Vasundhara says:

    I don’t think I’ve any reason to live…. I let everyone down with my poor academic result…I used to be a great student, I was always a topper so when I come down to this kind of situation, disappointing everyone who believed in me, I feel like why should I ever stay here making myself miserable terribly.I thought of asking my parents for chances but its not the first time they will hear me pleading like this….they have given me enough chances, I still haven’t woke up, why should I ask them to accept my unreasonable choices….best thing for everyone, my parents,my school teachers who still think I’ll get good marks making them proud…….is for me to leave this world…..I thought I was the luckiest girl on earth for there wasn’t a single thing that made me feel depressed,I thought God was always with me as I got everything I ever wanted but maybe it was all just to finally encounter this big despair…..can someone pliz tell me what to do coz there ‘s nothing that I can think of right now….

    • David Newman says:

      Hey.. so sorry to hear your at that stage… it is hell… and seems each of our hells are a bit different.. Know that you HAVE a purpose , if you don’t feel loved.. it WILL happen, and , hard as it seems to believe,, it is worth the pain,,
      I didn’t wait () several times,, guess wasn’t my time…
      would love to discuss the ‘G’ word with you, but seems ‘management’ has an aversion to it… but, if we can’t talk about ‘G’ there are more people than ever!! that are in the G business or have sites if ya google em, that don’t have the negative perspective of mental health.. and will talk without comdenation wrt the suicide debate..
      the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT a train,, no matter how one feels sliding down the slippery slope..
      be well, you are LOVED,, you are VALUABLE and it is ok to be human,, and no one including society and the pc crowd can judge.. as for grades…. look back in 20y and see if they really should have had such an influence on who you thought you were and perhaps ,,value the great person you are !! take care :)

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      David, I thank you for being respectful of my wishes. This site is not a place for people to preach or otherwise try to get others to turn to religion, especially a particular religion. For that, as you mention, there are other sites.

      One day, if I ever tame my monstrous to-do list, I will write a post for religious people about resources for suicide prevention. Please feel free to send some ideas. Oh, and by the way, it’s fine to say the word “God” in a comment; where you wrote “‘G’ word,” I am afraid some people might think you mean “government”!

  66. Down and out says:

    I am in the midst of depression. I have suffered with it for over 40 years off and on.
    I am a 55 year old male who is not in the best of health. I just recently took early retirement because the work was killing me yet by doing this I have created a financial burden on both myself and my wife.
    The retirement is not enough to live off and my wife does not work as she is disabled. I can taste the struggle. We barely have enough in savings to last until the end of the year.
    I have no medical insurance and suffer from high blood pressure and gout. It is difficult to get to get myself out of bed in the morning as I don’t want to.
    I have started looking on the internet for ways to end it end my life which is scary. I know this is not right yet it scares me that I have done this because I have never done it before.
    I know it is dark now yet I am having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

  67. Haven Monahan says:

    What to do if you don’t have anyone in your life who cares about you? There is no one who would be sad if I died

    • Anonymous says:

      I am in the same situation as you. Reading your question actually gives me a modicum of comfort. `i’ve decided that I’m too tired to take suicide action today. I’m bored to be honest. I have a vague feeling that this may pass – so I might wait until tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. Perhaps that’s best – for me, and for you. I don’t know if I will choose to continue, but, oddly, I hope that you do, and I will think about you, whoever you are, tomorrow, and the next day. I don’t know why but I hope you choose life. And I hope you can smile again. Here’s a rather inexplicable and virtual hug.

    • Anonymous says:

      Same boat. sending love. we can try to care about eachother at least.

  68. Anonymous says:

    I m 21 and I have a problem of forgetting things. I am unable to remember the things which people has once said to me. I have scored very well academically but I dont remember it completely.I really want to work hard for my father because he has spent a lot on me without taking care of himself. But my problem is creating a hinderance in my future plans. Even people make fun of me bcs of this problem. I want to improve my skills but whenever i want to try for it i forgot the previous things i have studied. Now i feel like my life is worthless. Even i cant discuss it wiith my parents bcs they have spent a lot on me for my education. I am feeling very depressed. Always negative thoughts come into my mind

  69. Anonymous says:

    Im 14, but my parents hate me for my grades, and im trying, trying my hardest. Were moving to korea my dad’s gone, and I feel so angry, depressed, and have been starving myself.

    • sonja says:

      im 14 as well, i have my friends. that is my chosen family, because my actual family doesn’t understand. I have an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. there is light at the end of the tunnel, not a train. please, eat something, even if its just in small amounts, just enough to live on. believe that there is hope, or at least pretend that there is. please know that even if i don’t know you i can sympathize and i hope that you can see that you and everyone else deserves life

  70. CA says:

    Over the years as I’ve searched the web for articles on suicide–what causes the thoughts, the different therapies, reasons people don’t “get better,” etc., I’ve shared my own story. I don’t know if it’s ever done anyone else reading the comments in those online articles’ comment sections any good, but maybe in the moment it helped me get something off my chest. I stopped doing that about a year ago. I never felt any good from it. But…

    I just found this article this morning after googling the connection between chronic loneliness and suicide. I found the author’s lists very helpful in that they illumined for me just how prepared I am. Regarding the “Reasons for Living,” the only one I still have is “Fear of suicide.” Not fear of suicide, but rather fear of the process of dying. I’m terrified of pain involved–even if it’s only a few seconds. I’m also terrified of being conscious and aware that I’m alone and dying. I need death to be instant–faster than my brain can process. That’s the only reason I’m still here. I’m certain I’ll find a way around this fear soon. The Internet offers far too much easy (but verifiable) advice, and there are several reasonably trustworthy groups out there, even if one must leave one’s own country to participate. The means and knowledge about them are more available than ever before. For that I am inexpressibly grateful.

    Writing about a potential defense against suicide, the author writes, “The antidote to suicidal thoughts is hope, and conversely, hopelessness is their accomplice.” I agree. I remember the first time I felt certain I would commit suicide. My freshman year, sitting at the front desk of The Faculty Club in Cambridge at my work-study job, reading a Willard V. O. Quine paperback. In my mind flashed the thought, utterly certain, “You will never be old.” I’ve never had any aversion to the elderly. I meant I knew I wouldn’t survive to become one. Not nearly. But besides the fear of pain, in my youth I really believed it was possible (if improbable) I’d be–pardon the saccharine admission–loved by someone whom I loved. Never happened. Quite the opposite. But what matters is, regardless how juvenile or absurd that desire was, it was my hope. I couldn’t make myself hope in the things therapists told me to hope in (my career accomplishments, my physical fitness regimen, world peace, nurturing a terrific bonsai…). Now in my forties, my life’s only true hope is dead. I graduated college. Went to medical school. Have pursued a career of “giving back.” But none of these things matter to me. Oh, I can hear the remonstrations. “Don’t say that!” (Why not?) Oh, what you hope for will happen if you *really* want it to. (Oh, I see. I’ve been doing it wrong all this time.) Or my favorite, “Your problem is that you want the wrong things. You should want things you have some control over, like better health or career advancement.” (Those are things you want most, not me.)

    Anyhow, I mean to say I agree with the author. Waning fear + no hope = no reason (in the mind of the person contemplating suicide) to stick around.

    I do have a very different opinion than the author on the “wrong[ness]” of contemplating suicide. I understand that especially in professional/clinical psychology the cognitive pathology–suicidal ideations association is the reigning model. Yet from a strict causal sense, that I am aware of there is no clear, convergent cellular-molecular model for neurological changes that bring about suicidal preoccupation. At best, there are correlates. I think many professional psychologists agree that there are key life-experiential components to much of suicidal thinking. While scientists are not at all certain what causes suicide (if it were known, they’d stop it), the ascription of ephemeral moral value to the choice only obscures the phenomenon. Even if the vast majority of the community believes an act is “wrong,” this won’t necessarily prevent others from believing otherwise, or even committing the act. And if by “wrong” (of thinking of suicide) it’s meant that such thoughts indicate the thinker isn’t able to cope sufficiently with her/his life challenges, then I wish we would use another word–or clarify what we mean. For most of us it’s desirable to be able to cope with life’s difficulties. But that isn’t guaranteed. It’s no more “wrong” that one cannot cope with her life challenges than it is wrong for a precipice over-encumbered by a mass atop it to crumble and fall. I’m all for offering the suicidal as much help as research evidence substantiates is available (and works), but I think every adult ought ultimately to be free to decide when enough is enough. No adult ought to be forced to live.

    Sorry for the long comment.

    • xyzzy says:

      What was your true hope? Was it finding someone you loved whom loved you back?

    • Anonymous says:

      Sounds like I’m reading a commentary about my life. I feel the same. Actually tried overdosing on adamant only to wake up in ICU with stomach pumped. Wouldn’t have killed me anyway. I think I crossed a line when I failed to kill myself. I can’t get past
      Thinking how to do it right an finish the job.
      Tried ECT, therapy, day hopitals, dbt, inpatient, to no avail. I can not stand myself nor living but saw what my attempt did to my family. I don’t know what else to try, but I hope to give you a piece of advice that was given to me. “You won’t get better if dying is an option” all the breathing crap, meditation,exercise is of little solace when you really want to die. Most people have no idea what it is like to be trapped in your own head. Round and round. Over and over.
      Somehow I don’t have the guts

  71. Mohamed says:

    Thanks for the great article, I have suicidal thoughts since 2 years ago… to begin with, these are my hardships :

    1- I’m an atheist in a muslim country, which means : finding a wife in such a country would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. Besides, I can’t tell anybody about my thoughts.

    2- Even if I find a wife / girlfriend , I have aspergers… I can’t communicate with people. I lack the skill and confidence to do that. I spend my whole day on my computer, programming, learning different stuff (science, languages, philosophy…etc), and playing games.

    3- I’m almost 28, and I’m virgin …

    4- My childhood was a complete darkness : poverty, bellyings at school, isolation, rejections…etc.

    When I look at my life, it’s very empty of any meaning … All I have left is my dreams !

    • Mohamed says:

      Typo : bullyings … by the way, I have other symptoms that make me feel anxious :

      1- I don’t like buying new clothes
      2- I don’t like hanging out with people
      3- I don’t like traveling
      4- I don’t like it when others show care for me.. I usually reject their offers for help. because I feel so distant.

    • Katryd says:

      Mohamed, I know a little about some of the darkness you mentioned and understand some of the challenges of aspergers – but I think you can still find some enjoyment in life. I know you said you don’t like being around others though – but there must be some things you enjoy in life. What are those things? I mean, do you like swimming, riding horses, writing stories, making apple pie, listening to music, drinking cappuccino? even the simplest joys can make another day worthwhile. you don’t have to have a life exactly like the picture you imagined. some people don’t end up with wives/husbands and that is okay too. maybe you will always have struggles interacting with others – but it can get better. I think if you have access to a good counselor or therapist to process everything with, that would be ideal. Good luck to you!

  72. I'm Ahhnold says:

    Eh f*** this piece of trash, really you’re better off killing yourself in the long run. For those of you who are married; well you got plenty to lose, because you’re stuck either being unemployed or stuck with children so obviously you’re stuck and screwed and no amount of crying, self help, mediation, yoga spats, or gurus will change any of that, so you’re basically tied and tethered to life. Welcome to hell and just keep living in a this perpetual vicious cycle and just be glad that you can die of old age. For those of you who are single, college debt ridden and potentially unemployed well just jump off a cliff or off yourself because trust me it gets worse overtime, you will accumulate more problems than solutions. Or if you really want to live just sell pieces of yourself like organs and body parts; it’s almost the same as killing yourself but with and for money instead and it’s a slow process. Or participate in multiple drug tests consecutively that should help with money problems just remember some of these drugs can prove to be damaging and fatal so good luck!!!! Oh and please remeber to have sunny disposition while you are making these attempts it really helps. Hell I might even try it out myself one day.

  73. J says:

    The only time I ever “tried” suicide was when I was about 15, I downed about 30 pills. My mother was very emotionally and mentally abusive on a daily basis, she stopped being physically abusive when I became taller than her when I was 11 and started defending myself. At 15, I had my best friend over, we stayed in my room. My mom had money out for my cousin. She decided to go somewhere and left the money near the door. When she came home, the money was gone. She screamed for hours, calling me names, saying she wished I was dead, I was good for nothing, I’ll never be anything…etc. Come to find out, my cousin stopped by, saw the money, took it, and left. My mother never apologized, she acted like nothing was wrong and those hours of verbally assaulting me didn’t happen. I didn’t down the pills to actually kill myself, but I wanted it to be a wake up call for how she was treating me. All she did was make it about herself and how horrible of a child I was for doing such a thing. Classic narcissistic behavior.

    I’m almost 33 and haven’t thought about suicide again until now. I’ve gone no-contact with my mother recently after she admitted to being abusive, but justified it and saying it was okay because she was abused and “millions and millions” of people are abused every day.

    I left my daughters father 3.5 years ago because I was unhappy with him. We were roommates for our daughters sake. He was in the military and I followed him around so our daughter could have her father. I told him I’d live like that as long as he doesn’t get stationed overseas because I refuse to ever get on an airplane. There were plenty of state side posts he could have went to, but he chose to go overseas for 3.5yrs. I took that opportunity to leave him.

    I can’t work due to an injury. When he got orders to move, he refused to help me clean and make repairs to the home we were renting, so I was trying to get it all done quickly. I ended up falling and snapping my ankle. The ER doctor didn’t even look at my xray, he saw that I have tattoos and assumed I was a drug seeker and walked off. He gave me crutches to “amuse” me. For years, I didn’t go to the doctor despite my pain. I finally had surgery last summer. Not getting care for it made it worse, a piece of bone broke off. The surgery actually made the pain worse. I spend most of my day sitting, it hurts at all times, but it hurts a lot more when I try to walk. I can’t get disability because I haven’t worked enough in the past 10yrs, partly due to my injury and the other part him wanting to be a stay at home mom.

    My ex and I are still legally married, but not together.

    A year and a half ago, my ex helped finance a house so our daughter could have a stable home. Until I moved out at age 19, my mom moved us every 6-8 months and I didn’t want that for my daughter. My grandmother passed and I received enough to have a down payment for a house. My ex was giving me 1000 twice a month, for “child support” and “spousal support”. My rent was 850…so I bought a cheap 119k house where my mortgage is only 706.

    My ex recently decided to get out of the military. He’s put almost no effort into finding another Job. He got out 2 months ago. I let him stay in the extra bedroom, but I only have enough savings left to pay the bills for next month.

    I’ve been in panic mode for over a month. I’m having trouble breathing due to the stress. I can’t sleep at night. There’s 125k life insurance on me for 2 more weeks. I thought about driving somewhere at night and try to accidentally kill myself so they’ll have the money to pay off the remaining 94k on the house. I’m 90% sure I won’t do it, but I strongly feel that’s my only solution.

    • Micaela says:

      A product of a broken home, and an abusive stepfather/stepfamily. When I was 8 I was sexualy touched by my creepy 30 year old neighbor, I never said anything, I thought my step dad would beat the hell out of me. When I was 13 my step dad became violent and at 15 he tried to kill me. I was sent away while they ( family of 4 w/o me) where a happy family. I lost everything at 15.I was put in foster care. At 17 my case was dropped and I got to go home. That same year my step father died in a motorcycle accident. The entire family both his side and mine blame me for his death, and have told me I should have died instead.
      Countless time of friends from the wrong crowds taking advantage of me.
      I didn’t graduate.
      But I did meet the love of my life. But even he has looked at other women on Craigslist text them shared videos and pictures. Every year we have been together.
      Aug of 2015 my coworker raped me and I did want to talk to anyone the oct I was pregnant. Husband a sure that our family will be strong and happy, even named our girl.
      But I just recently found that the last new years once again he was talking and sex picsING three craigslist hotties. And I wonder why me. I’ve always felt I didn’t deserve a life I’ve dreamed of, I was told my whole life I was worthless. At what point does it stop feeling true? I love that I’m not alone, but the fear of reaching out to others like me is just as fucking scary as seeking a doc on no budget.

      -mold on earth.

  74. Jeannine says:

    Death to me means the end of all my Grief. My pain & loneliness we ill end with me.

    No one can change anything. No one can ever bake it better. It is what it is.
    I do not have any reason to stay but all of the reasons to go.

    I have gone to doctors & took the meds that they said would make it easier, numb my feelings .

    My life ended November 21st, 2015.
    My child, My Beautiful Son died after a year of illness & suffering. He died in my arms.I.was holding him when he took his last breath.His name was Nathan. He is 36. We were mother & son & best friends. He gave me so much happiness. He could always make me laugh & we always told each other we will always have each others back. Nathan gave me so much love & happiness ,& caring. He grew up to be a very Humble & Christian Man.
    He had a very beautiful kind ,gentle & loving heart.

    As the parent , I always knew he would bury me. I WAS WRONG!

    There is no reason to stay &
    I am ready to leave.

    I have no purpose & can not keep suffering.

    I am only a shell now & nothing matters. I don’t know why I have taken the time to wright this. It just poped up on my internet. I know that it is always said that s letter like this is a cry for help. Well that is not true. This is not a cry for help. I don’t want help. Nothing is going to change & I have no reason to stay.

    I do not know you & you do not know me.

    I wish you a long happy life.

    • -I care says:

      If you had died instead, would you have wanted Nathan to feel this way? I can’t begin to understand your pain and emptiness in your heart. It is very hard to not want to disappear. Even though the hole you are feeling will never mend, it will get better. Day by Day…..

  75. Kevin says:

    I’ve never considered or thought I’d ever think about committing suicide, but tonight for the first time I’m my life I’ve been sitting here for the past 2 hours seriously considering and contemplating ending my life. The past 3 years have been nothing, but misery and self doubt. Ill be 32 in March. About 3 years ago I went through a divorce with a woman that I loved and cared for with a intense passion. I sit here and talk about how much I loved and cared about her, yet I lied to and wasn’t honest with. I work in construction and had some injuries and severe pains that required some surgeries on my back, but at 25 I felt I was to young for surgery on my disc in my back. So the doctor said my other option to help deal with my pain would be to go to a pain clinic. Which I quickly accepted that idea without researching the pros and cons of taking pain medications on a daily basis. These were strong medications and I never thought at the time of becoming physically and mentally dependent on them. My wife felt that half my scripts should be hers. I guess because she thought I was just having fun on them and enjoying a high. I don’t think she realized the seriousness of the severe pains I had in my back and knees. She played soccer her whole life and was also in a couple of car accidents. She was never seriously hurt in any of these car accidents, but probably had some pains of her own. I would mention to her that maybe she should go talk with a doctor and weigh her options. She would say she didn’t have time to take off work and I would reply neither do I, but when the pain gets intense enough you’ll make the time. So she would take half my monthly scripts then get mad because I would have to purchase pain pills from friends to get me through the second half of the month. This was when I realized the mental and physical hold these meds had on us, which was too late at this time. So this lead to me spending large amounts of money on pain pills and eventually keeping the fact I was buying them from friends and keeping it from her and spending money set aside for bills and savings for these pain meds. Which that with a couple of other issues lead to fights, which, we never had before pills. So we got a divorce which I think devastated me a lot more than her. She filed for the divorce. We both always said we didn’t believe in divorce. So I kept my pains and emotions bottled in and continued on with work and daily living like everything was fine, which it wasnt. I was depressed and started to become almost heartless feeling. Well, a few months ago I lost my job and worked a few side jobs, but nothing continuously and with steady pay. Well, the past year or so I slowly started stealing from family members to make the money to pay for my pain meds and became worse and worse as time went on. Over the past 2 months I’ve aquired 3 charges, 2 of them being theft charges, prior to “legally prescribed medications by doctors” I never stole or lied. My parents and brothers have become fed up with my actions, stealing, and lies. Which, how estly dont them. I mean I want to kick my own ass. I’ve just becomed depressed, worthless feeling, feeling unloved, a disgrace, a disappointment, and feel that nobody, not even my mom and dad, could care about me anymore. which, I dont blame them with all the money issues they’ve helped me with, all the stealing from them I’ve done, and all the lies. So, I may be facing some jail time, minor stuff, but after they just bailed me out of jail I go on to steal money from them to pay for my pain med habit. I just feel that I’ve become a burden to everyone in life and that my family would live with ease if I were no longer around. So tonight as I sit in my bedroom alone and depressed, I’ve been contemplating suicide. I’ve researched ways to die in your sleep and the 10 easiest and painless ways to commit suicide. I also think of suicide as a sin and just a pathetic way of dealing with life and the consequences of my actions. Like, im just thinking of taking the easy and cowards way out of life just because I’m facing by far the hardest and toughest times of my life. Though, I can’t help, but to think if I wasn’t around and not a burden to my family anymore, if I would make life for them a lot better? I guess we’ll find out if I’m still alive at 5:30a.m.

    Kevin G

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Kevin, it sounds like what you really need is help with the drug use. Then you could begin to repair your life and make amends to those you feel you have harmed. Addictive drugs hijack the brain over time, make the body feel like it needs the drug in the same way it needs food and water, and causes people to do things they would usually not otherwise do. It’s a very hard habit to kick alone, so I hope you will ask for help, whether from a 12-step group, clinic, or someplace else.

      But first, please stay safe. In North America, the national hotline is available 24/7: 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). Otherwise you can call emergency services in your area or go to a hospital emergency room. In fact, if you go to a hospital, they can help you with the process of finding treatment. There also are other places where you can talk with others by text, phone, or chat; I list them here:

      Please consider getting help. You have so much to gain – your life, in fact. And, at this point when you already feel so desperate and hopeless, what do you have to lose?

  76. M says:

    Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. I think this article saved my life. I had it all planned out, I was perfectly calm and ready to kill myself. I read the beginning of this and was thankful that you were honest and dealt with the horrible cliches most of us have heard. I kept reading until I got to “Other reasons might include pets, dreams of traveling, love of the mountains – you name it. Whatever keeps you here may well be worth staying for.”
    It was the mountains that got me. Like a sucker punch in the chest.
    I recently read a completely unrelated article about “Breaking Open” and how it changes your life and comes in the most unexpected times and places.
    Love of the mountains is what will keep me alive tonight and for the next one thousand nights.
    You are a stranger but those four little words of yours, maybe just a random thought to add in that sentence, they broke me open.
    I can never repay you or know you.
    All I can do is thank you.
    So very much.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Wow, what an amazing comment, M. Thank you very much for sharing your experience.

      I am grateful that the article helped you to stay alive and, even, to recognize reasons for doing so.

      I am grateful that it broke you open – and that you were willing to have that happen.

      In case the mountains ever get blocked by the clouds or dark of night, I hope you will check out the Resources on my site, at

      Also, since those words spoke to you, you might appreciate a book that I have found very meaningful and that also uses very powerful examples. It’s called How I Stayed Alive While My Brain was Trying to Kill Me, by Susan Rose Blauner.

      Good luck to you, M. Think of those mountains! Even when you cannot see them, they are always there. Always!

  77. Anonymous says:

    I just want peace

  78. steve says:

    geez! ever since the time everything went ape, I have not had any idea what is happening to me.
    PTSD, depression, psychosis etc; they are all attributed to my symptomology.
    Despite a degree of insight and awareness, I still can not hang on to hurts, so much.

  79. Courtney says:

    My life is a total disaster. There is no one i can trust and i am seriously thinking about commeting suaside! I know my life is just going to get worse i still have to go through middle school, but right now i don’t have anything to live for. I am sure i could be in a better place. Please help me someone!

    • Justin says:

      I’ve been suicidal since 1976 when I discovered what suicide was. I’m not sure if it’s hereditary or the fact that I witnessed my own fathers suicide at that time. The only reason I’ve stayed is because putting my mother through two suicides would be cruel. Now that I have an 18 year old daughter, I still have to stay even if my mom dies because I know how it feels to loose someone to suicide. It is the worst pain imaginable and I’ve carried that burden for 4 decades now. Not one day goes by without thinking about it. Each time something great happens in my life, I think to myself, what if I missed that because I died? Hang in there and watch this video by Prince EA. Why most people die before age 25.

  80. paul says:

    I had a bad accident about 5 years ago; that day my grandmother had birthday, she was 100; amazing, isn’t it, she lived to be 100 and i want to end my misery at 43; I was hit by a car, survived; before the accident I had numerous problems with my back; but after this one it got much worse; I started having trouble walking, misery when sitting ; I started seeing more doctors, and eventually I agreed and had a spinal surgery in 2012. Over the next few years things got maybe 25% better; I kept seeing doctors, doing tests, taking pain killers, swimming, do some exercises; however, my condition is not getting better. I can never relax, always in pain, I cannot sit without pain; any chair, sofa, car seat cause pain, pressure, muscle stretching, nerve pinching to the point that often times I cannot bear it and have to interrupt the activity, mostly laying down and trying to let the pressure and pain lessen;
    I had back problems for many years , from 12 years old, when I was trying the weightlifting sport; but then the issues did not interfere with my life, I could be sore, but never unable to do things; I was able to finish UC college with 3.96 gpa, but career did not go as planned due to health; about 12 years ago I had another accident, after which new symptoms arose; but this last one, described at the beginning, really made my life miserable; surgery did not help much as I was hoping; so now here I am trying to understand why should I live any longer; I may try to do another surgery , but several doctors I saw recently have various opinions, and neither gives guarantees. I do not have life, do not have interests anymore, pain totally took over my life, it controls me entirely; I cannot plan even a short trip without thinking what medication to take in case will be hurting more; I cannot travel, cannot go out, cannot sleep well due to pains in my cervical area; why live I have been asking myself time and time again

    • David Newman says:

      Paul.. I search for words.. the physical pain I have had is irrelevant compared to yours.. I do however hear what hopelessness is taking over.. I am so so sorry.. there are no answers, clearly you have looked for them.. at the same time, I plead with you to wait before ending your life.. I have no right to ask this of you ,, but I am.. it is very selfish.. but here it is… WE NEED YOU .. YOU AND YOU ALONE can save lives with sharing like you did here…. there are a lot of people you can reach.. please give it a try … if you go on for one day.. then another , you can carry others with you .. giving them ,, their families another day with their loved ones.. not to say yours seeing the blessing you are to countless others.. yep .. I have NO right asking you to go through a minute more of this torture..
      I will take this walk with you if you like… what do you think? the only thing I ask is .. consider this.
      thanks for even being open to reading this far.. Paul.. .. david,

  81. Anonymous says:

    Thank you

  82. elizabeth contreras says:

    nope a friend

  83. Carlos says:

    What if you’re thoroughly convinced that your presence in this world is impractical? What if you know because of your disorders life isn’t going to get any better? No marriage, no kids, no career, not even one glimmer of proof that your life means something to someone. That is me and soon I will begin to adopt the mindset common in those who take their lives.

    • Jennifer says:

      Dear Carlos and everyone else.. it’s one of those intense phases I am going through right now that more than ever I also am certain that I am a total waste and I wonder if nature has programmed us either on being other peoples’ doormats and punishing us everytime we wish upon reciprocation of love or on self-destruction so this way if we fail big time we take care of ourselves so we don’t stand in the way of nature’s higher purposes… I do serve well, but I am being put on a strict diet when it comes to receiving some good in life. feel rejected and unloved all the way.. reading your lines and from all the other people only two days later amazed me..this certain feeling of loneliness,that certain feeling of being a burden to oneself when only wanting to be really hugged, for I’ve forgotten how this feels.. it amazed me, that we all, though darn alone and sad and feeling unloved, we all did and seem to do in the same time. In a way, in our loneliness, we seem to be together.. I wished we could all hug one another and just hold each other for a long long time..

  84. Anonymous says:

    I have been thinking of killing myself for the past 2 years. Never really thought about it seriously until now. As of August 2015, I filed for divorce from my uncaring, unsympathetic wife of 7 years. We agreed on a uncontested divorce, in order for me to get out fast. I took a cash settlement from her, and thus began my personal journey of 6 months until suicide. It is now 1/18/16, and I have 42 days of life left. Before you judge me, just know that I tried to lead a normal life after my divorce. I packed my things and moved out of state, I tried finding a job (with no luck) tried dating (lol), even tried to get back together with my ex wife (epic fail). I did mention to her my suicide plan at that time, and even cried real tears to her. Long story short, she didn’t care (obviously). I even asked her to write me a prescription to help with these fatal thoughts (she’s an Nurse Practitioner). She said she would write one for me, but here we are and still nothing.

    I guess I’m writing these words today to show that not everyone is the same, and every persons reasons for suicide differ from one another. Mine? Besides the ones I’ve mentioned above? Very simply, I chose 6 months to live because I wanted to see if the world would really miss me if I didn’t exist. So far, sadly I’ve been proven right. Don’t think that I’ve been walking the earth miserable these past few months. Quite the opposite actually. When I finally do decide to leave the house and interact with the world (I stay inside a lot), I smile at everyone, say hello and thank you, I leave a bit extra when I tip, and always try to help out my fellow man. Sadly though, 9 out of 10 people are too busy to notice me smile at them, 10 out of 10 don’t say hello, or you’re welcome back. And well people in the food industry expect you to tip, so that goes a blind eye.

    I’m rambling, in conclusion I told myself there are 3 things that will stop me from making this plan final on 2/28. 1. Reconciliation with my wife. 2. Getting a good job, sadly in order for me to not struggle with my bills, apt, etc it has to be a good job that pays a certain amount. So no fast food is not an option, and won’t keep me from getting evicted on 3/1, when all my money is gone. And as for number 3, it’s laughable so it really shouldn’t be listed, but hey it would make a difference. And that is win the lottery, lol the thought of that makes me laugh, because honestly, anyone who wins doesn’t really need it.

    The eventual nail in the coffin for me occurred on 1/14, I got passed over for a job that would have kept me from this. I hoped, prayed, begged for this job to no avail. Which just leaves me to believe that even The Almighty himself believes that my time is up. So, after I was denied that opportunity, I booked myself a 7 day cruise, and have a plan to tour the country before I go. Honestly I recommend anyone who has these thoughts to do it this way. If you’re going to die soon, might as well see what’s out there before you go right? Who knows, maybe something will happen along the way to make you change your mind? But if anything, never take the exit door in the spur of the moment. Give yourself some time to truly think about it, think about what lead you to this. Try to think of what could happen in the time to get you out of this. Think about your family and how it might affect them. And above all, this is the hard one. Think about what it will be like when they find your body after you’ve committed suicide. An image like that is hard to un see, especially if it’s a brutal death.

    I still do have hope that things might change in 42 days for me. I’ve applied for another job that pays well, I’m still on dating sites, in the hope that the love and compassion of another person can give me a true reason to live. So yes, I’m still very optimistic. But don’t go thinking that I’m all talk just to get attention here. On 1/14, after I heard the news from the job, I purchased a .40 handgun with hollow tip bullets. Right now it sits in a case less than 6 feet away from me, the clip already filled and next to the gun. The reason I haven’t used it yet, 1. Because I’m not ready for that yet (I promised myself 6 months before I pulled the trigger) and 2. I’m still praying and holding out for a miracle. We’ll see what happens, chances of that are very slim. I’ve already begun the process of trashing personal items. So, as I’ve said this entire 6 months time, it’s in Gods hands…

    • Amanda says:

      I really hope that you don’t kill yourself! You sound like an awesome, sensitive guy! I would date someone like you! I think you’re relying too much on external circumstances to keep you alive. IF you meet someone…IF you get that job…it’s so easy to think like that, and I used to do that. You have to find a source of real strength and power within yourself and MAKE it happen – change your external circumstances and gain control over them! My best friend killed herself and I have to live with it every day. Don’t do that to someone else. You don’t know really how bad someone else could take your death. Think of your family. And you can’t kill yourself if you don’t meet someone. You just can’t do that. I’ve actually been my most miserable IN relationships, with men I didn’t connect with and felt alone with, with men who cheated on me and didn’t treat me right, with men I was not truly in love or attracted to. Just because you see 2 people together does not mean that they are happy! You HAVE to be happy alone with yourself before you meet someone. It sounds cliche, but it’s true! You have to love yourself and you can NEVER give that kind of power over to someone else to make or break you. Other people are bound to disappoint, but you can overcome that it if you believe in yourself! I wish you well & hope you feel much better! :)

    • Tony says:

      Hi Anonymous, I’m reading your honest story after hearing another’s just last night. It’s early morning in NZ at the moment and I feel strongly to reply to you. As a pastor I’m often asked to be part of someone’s life story and it’s a real privilege. I count it a real privilege also to be part of yours.
      I’ve often heard and experienced as a pastor (I haven’t been one long) that ‘counseling’ isn’t the expert telling the novice what to do, but one beggar telling another where to find bread. As a church on a busy main road we often get those who go along the street asking each church in turn for food or a handout. If one church gives more than the usual the word gets among the asking community like wildfire – hey the guys at ABC church (ironic as our church is abbreviated to BBC in Chch :)) are handing out etc etc. I don’t mind that at all – Jesus says to give willingly to all who ask – and we have found that the resources that God has provided are well able to provide.
      The reason I mention the above is that most find the bread in true friendship and those true friends ultimately prompting them to listen to God. And if I can be a true friend to you, that is what I would ‘counsel’ :
      ‘Man shall not LIVE by bread (any of the physical things we need including your list of 3) alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God’ It takes time to find this and best done while serving others, perhaps a paradox, but true.
      You said it’s in the hands of God and He has prompted me to read your message. I have been where you are in the past and had my own doomsday clock so know exactly what that feels like. In the end it was a realisation that the circumstances that I found myself in were just that – circumstances not absolutes or decrees. I couldn’t insist that someone do this or that in order for me not then not plan to suicide any more than I could realistically blame them if I tried.
      I made a list and took one at a time from the biggest problem. Top of my list was that I couldn’t see a way ahead in what seemed like a door was closed to me. It seemed the only door and if I couldn’t go thru that one, what was the point of living? I realised this was a circumstance, not an absolute so found another door and walked thru it some years ago now. I changed my circumstances. Some big pride issues in my life were dealt with along the way :) Just my story but maybe helpful for you.
      I know there are people available to you, wherever that is, who can tangibly help, and I’m not just referring to fellow ministers. Seek them out, ask them where they found ‘bread’, bread that allows one to truly live.

  85. Anonymous says:

    People like me… don’t live vary long lives anyway. Whay make it any shorter right?

  86. Anonymous says:

    Humanity is lost… I do not want to live and see these foolish things happen what is what not humans would do..

  87. Kay says:

    Recently I lost all my hope about future and feel suicidal. For long time I just kept trying and believed that I would find a job after all painful experiences. But,,,,no. Now I am too old to get a job…And my parents sentenced they would not be able to live with me anymore. I have no friends, no partner. Years ago I gave up to love anyone because I have no money to get out. People I knew were rich and successed so the gap between me and them became huge…The idea that I have to pay back to my parents made me alive for long time – they believed I could do anything so paid a lot of money for university and living after graduation. But now I know that I have to disappear if I care them – I waste their money and food for living. Just…it’s very foolish thing but I read some articles about people with very dramatic lives yesterday while I was searching suicide method without pain. They were hopeless but someday they got a chance and became extreme rich, It gave me a little hope maybe I could get a normal job finally….I know I can’t make big rich like them….I’ve never wished that kind of things…I just want to work and money for rent…money for some flowers and presents to my parents…

    • Samiel says:

      Hey, you managed to graduate! Not everybody can do that and it’s an achievement! I’m sure that there is work out there for you that you are capable of. Maybe it’s not your dream job, maybe it is simple, but it helps you to feel like a part of society again. Since you said that you had graduated, you clearly are not too old to work as long as you are healthy and motivated.

      There is a series called “Unemployment Stories” ( that features lots of heartfelt stories from people in similar situations like you. They probably make you feel less alone and some even have a happy ending. One of my favorites is titled “Beauty in Struggle”.

      Also read Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning”. A great read for people who find themselves in difficult circumstances.

      I know a person who’s long-term unemployed. He’s alone and extremely frustrated. Please, don’t let yourself get to such a point, because I see how difficult it is to get out of such a dark place alone. Surround yourself with friends. You don’t have to eat out with people and spend lots of money. Sometimes a walk, doing sports or playing games together is just as good.

      A very general advice is also to make yourself useful. Help other people, try to stay curious and learn, develop skills and prove them. I cannot be more specific as I do not know you personally.

      Last but not least I was in a similar situation: graduated, unemployed, hopeless. During this time I developed fantasies that I’ll roam the earth as a useless being, poor, and never amounting to anything until I die. It was debilitating. But somehow, with the help of family, friends, online-acquaintances, and psychotherapy I managed to go on and to convince somebody to hire me and so far it works. The situation is only really lost when one gives up the fight.

  88. JJ says:

    I hurt some people in the past, in fact lots of people. I finally had my shit together, I was in a healthy relationship, I had a few good friends, and I was on a path to professional success. The only problem I lived with was trouble sleeping over the guilt of having someone in prison for something I did. After years of dealing with this, I felt it was time to make up for it and confess my crimes to get her out. After discussions with my counselor, I found a way to do this without going to prison myself. It all worked perfectly, even though it came at a cost of my SO, and my few friends I had at the time. At the time I felt it would be worth these sacrifices to get over my guilt and get her out of prison. Unfortunatly about a mo th after I attended court, she took her own life and I am 99% sure it was a way for her to spite me to ensure I never forgive myself for what I did. I now have no friends, no SO, and I still live with the guit. I was a bad enough person for someone else to take their life just to spite me. And for the past month all I ask myself is why I deserve a life if people around me are willing to take theirs because of me. I just want it all to end. I find it really pathetic that I am googling ‘why not to kill yourself’ and I just don’t know who to turn to. Im afraid to tell my counselor because I think she will just call the cops and get me locked up. In fact I don’t even know why I’m writting this comment. The answer seems so obvious to me, and if I wasn’t such a coward to pain, I probably would of ended it already.

  89. Brady says:

    J – I know, it must be horrible for you. But you must be a strong person to endure that. I know from experience.

  90. Alex says:

    I cant cope with living I’m already sad and its only going to get worse day after day I just feel like laying down and giving up doing nothing I feel if I die I can just get this over with end my pain I cant keep living the life I’m living right now….im 13 and been on anti-depressant for a few mouths 50mg or so. But because I’m only a kid no one listens. I don’t know what to do I’m struggling with myself right now to not just give up and die. I know I will cause my love ones some pain but that pain disappears over time I will be forgotten so I don’t care. In the end my role in this world wont have a impact anyways I’m never going to be great and it would be less pain to end it now. I know most people wont agree but what do you think I can do to fight my depression I would’ve killed myself already if I didn’t have my family but now I don’t care any more I just want to get it over with. I’m a useless person that messes everything up im horrible and deserve to burn in hell so tell me please what you think I should do.

    • Just some dude says:

      Alex, bro.. Ironic to even feel inclined to respond to someone else. Hell we’re probably all on here for googling why not to kill ourselves hahah. aw god.. You’re young man! ! I’m going through this shit too! I feel you but at your age there’s so much more! My life blew when i was 13, it sucks now! but man you’re not even experiencing the best shit yet! 18-23 is rad! hooking up with chicks at college, I mean all different kinds with different personalities, looks and smiles, its worth sticking around for!! getting drunk and making friends, throwing parties and messing around! Dude I miss it, i’m 26 and things are getting lame cause i’m not going anywhere now but i had a hell of a time, and i’m telling you don’t wanna miss it!! 13 is a trivial age, it is what it is, give it sometime, break some rules, everyone does life differently! have a laugh! relax! move to Cali and be a surfer, get high! fuck around, life can be a blast! anythings better then killin yourself rightnow right? what do you have to lose! Sometimes life totallly blows! why i was lookinng on this site too. But trust me man, stick it out for a bit! you can do anything, have some fun, dont takeit so seriously

  91. Deb says:

    I’ve been walking the line between depressed and suicidal for years now and can finally feel myself getting closer to suicidal. My adoption mom died when I was 15 and I’ve felt like burden ever since.
    I worked at a catering company but when the recession hit it closed down leaving me jobless and with no choice but to move in with my older brother. Finding jobs here is almost impossible and living with my brother is pure hell. I love him and 90% of the he’s the nicest person you could know but during the other 10% he is nothing but a destructive tantrum throwing man-child. Everytime he pulls this crap I find it harder and harder to ignore these thoughts of suicide. Talking to him does no good because no matter what a person is going through in his mind he’s went through worse.
    I’ve thought about writing a note and then hopping a train and just riding it to wherever…being homeless is preferable to growing to hate my own family. Problem is I know I would feel guilty for just up and leaving which would only give me another reason to consider suicide.

  92. Catt says:

    I need help, I’m 19 years old and I just can’t bare the thought of living anymore. I’ve cut myself since I was about 8 years old after my dad committed suicide. My mom doesn’t think there is anything wrong with me that I’m just being dramatic that my life is fine just because I have a loving boyfriend, but that doesn’t change the sadness I feel.

    • Anonymous says:

      Dont b sad

    • Samiel says:

      Even though your mother shrugs your problems off, it is good to hear that your boyfriend cares for you. You didn’t mention that you were treated. Please, read the article again and focus on what you can do to get help. Your father’s suicide or whatever else bothers you needs to be processed. There are professionals that can help you with that. Please, before you give up on living, try everything to regain the balance in your life.

      Your answer is overly simplistic and ignorant. Maybe you shouldn’t have said that.

  93. pointless AF says:

    The problem is not suicidal thoughts, rather a lack of reason to live. I mean like what are you really living for? Take you for example you try to help people not commit suicide, so that they can live. Live? For fucking what. I mean like c’mon for fucks sake, think deep and hard and give me one genuine reason to keep on living. Suicide isn’t a tragedy, it’s simply deciding to take an eternal nap because you cannot deal with the shit of this fucked up world. Not gonna kill myself that would be stupid. I’m gonna live my life, breaking down quietly on my own every now and again. The way I see it is I want to at least take some drugs and fuck before I die. Because if everything is truly as hopeless as I believe, I at least wanna leave this world knowing that I enjoyed myself in the miniscule way of doing certain acts that gives us an escape from this harsh reality. So fuck everyone on the planet, go out, forget about your responsibilities and try to lose your grip on reality!

  94. T R J says:

    I lost my job and I feel hopeless. I dont believe I will find another one. Plus I am 7 days sober. My depression is so thick I could cut it with a knife. Im afraid and hopeless. I want to die.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      TRJ, it sounds like you are suffering terribly. If you are in the U.S., please call the 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). Also check out the Resources page on this site for other places you can get help by phone, text, or chat. I hope you are able to receive help…and hope…soon, very soon!!

  95. libroz says:

    I understand everything you have said and understand completely. My family have all died bar me. My Mum died 10 days ago and I looked after her for 20 years, thought I was ready but I wasn’t. She is now with my Dad and Sister, I just want to be with them. I have no fear of dying and maybe tomorrow would be good

  96. kim says:

    this is the best and most comprehensive survival guide to suicide i have ever read in my life. i have a plane ticket to san fransisco and i have thought about jumping off the bridge while im there. you saved my life. thank u i will exhaust every possible avenue first and i will stay the hell away from that bridge.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Kim, I am so pleased that this touched you, and I am even more pleased that you will “stay the hell away from that bridge.” Thank you for sharing!

      There are many possible avenues to exhaust, and I am hopeful that you will find one that works for you and does not involve ending your life. Please check out the Resources page on this site for a good place to start: If you are in North America you might also try calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK).

      By the way, the Golden Gate Bridge has phones on it that connect to a crisis hotline. If ever you do find yourself on that bridge and feeling that all options have been exhausted, I hope that you will try the option of using that phone.

  97. David says:

    I have suffered from depression since my mid 20’s, I am now 48. Endless successions of anti-depressants have not helped, CBT has not helped. I am now making plans to go. I have sorted all my finances out so my son will get my cash when I am gone (he lives with his mum, not me). I am not asking for help, merely sharing my experience. I am scared of course, but am looking forward to not having to live day in day out in limbo.

    • David says:

      Thank you for letting us know..clearly you have done much soul searching to arrive at this decision.. 28 years .. it’s a long time .. and damned it you haven’t tried everything,, sorry nothing is helping .. BUT BEFORE you do this.. can I share with you??

      alone ,, hopelessness .. total exhaustion.. less than adequate .. and they wouldn’t miss me.. and SO TIRED..
      these are conditions that I had before my attempts .. any of it sound familiar? I too did the meds n cbt n one heck of a lot of ect… even did the rTMS thing… relief would be temporary at best..
      and i am SO DAMN MAD… DOESN’T ANYONE GET DEPRESSION?? well honestly, I don’t think
      so.. people!!! it ain’t the blues,, sorry you lost your cat .. anxious about money…
      but clinical DePresSion >different.. so deep and lonely

      Ya know if makes me FRICKN MAD … it have such a hate on wrt the illness.. one thing I CAN do

      MY LUCK ..
      the day after I complete letting go of this life >>>> a cure, cuz that seems to follow my luck

      WELL , i can hold on for one day .. beat back the desire,, maybe today… research tells me lots on the horizon
      and i am going to fight for me and you to get this stuff out.. things like sKetamine are interesting and I like to see hope on the horizon… today I am going to write to the twits that are holding it back.. expose their lies

      David,, thanks a bunch for listening to my story… would appreciate if you could let me know what you think
      ttyl david( aikido )

    • Samiel says:

      I respect your decision, but I still hope that you get to the point where you find reasons and desire to live, even if you still suffer. When the instinct for survival is absent, it is a clear sigh that something has gone horribly wrong. Hopefully you somehow manage to alleviate this and go on living your life. In addition to this blog I can recommend reading the following post:

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      Clearly you are hurting terribly and you feel hopeless about ever feeling differently. Have you tried everything? I list many of the possibilities above. ECT is an option for people with severe, treatment-resistant depression. It’s a scary option and filled with cultural stereotypes, but in reality is not what you see in the movies. There are other possibilities, too – ketamine infusions, drugs that aren’t anti-depressants, and so on. I hope you will talk to a professional about all the possibilities. Also please check out the Resources page here:

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      David (commenter) and Samiel,

      Thank you so much for reaching out to David. Even if he does not see your comment, others who are considering suicide will and some, I am certain, will find hope and meaning in your words that help them get to the next day.

  98. Confused says:

    I’ve been depressed for 3rd (coming 4th) year now I’ve had these suicidal thoughts recently. I would like to think that i still have a little bit of logical thinking as it is the only thing stopping me from doing it. That and me being a coward. The thought of death is frightening and yet I sorta want it which is weird.

    I’ve always known that suicide was never the answer and that things might get better in the future. I still have hope that is the case yet i’m just not convinced entirely. I’m conflicted. My thoughts and my feelings are not in sync. I hope one day these feeling will not overtake my thoughts.

    The other thing that’s bothering me is that I no longer feel the mental or emotional pain on a daily basis like i use to a couple of years ago. Which is good but I realised that I’ve grown relatively numb to everything else as a result. Everything that i loved from outdoor exercise or sports to even playing games has become dull. Is it strange to be addicted to sadness and the pain?

    • David says:

      Hi Confused” , I don’t think anything is strange.. everyone’s experiences are different , but we often have common threads.. the idea of being numb.. can say I was there and Don’t think of it as escapism or ‘wrong’ . ya know how for things sometimes Drs will induce coma for a while and let the body heal like that..? well when I have been really numb.. it was for me a time to rest.. happy for it but at the same time the loss of interest in things I loved.. both hurt (saddened) and scared me… ”was I never going to experience the thrill of driving my car???” it is temporary.. but can seem like a lifetime.. working on gratitude made such a difference.. finding the ‘wee ist’ thing to go .. hey thanks.. that is cool.. , m’cats also did it for me do take care! keep posting , k?
      God Bless

  99. Help! says:

    I am a freshman in high school. I don’t know what to do. Ionly just realized a week or two ago that me feeling sad constantly was depression. I had thought it was just part of my anxiety or maybe a side effect of Celiac Disease somehow. Every time my parents yell at me (which is often) I get closer to suicide. My grades are dropping and I’m not finishing chores anymore, so my parents yell at me more. I don’t trust any adults. I have tried hinting that I need help, but my parents don’t realize. I have a friend who also has depression, but I don’t want to burden her. The times when I am closest to committing suicide, I don’t hav my phone. I’m scared to cut so i bang my head on the wall instead and I’m scared to die.

    Help, please!

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      For “Help!” — please tell an adult how you feel. I know you said you don’t trust adults. It’s scary to reach out for help when you don’t trust that help will be there. But no one can help if they don’t know. You said you have tried hinting. People often do not detect hints. They need to know directly.

      Most people want to know when someone is suicidal and want to help. If you tell one adult and don’t get help from them, please tell another. And another. Ideally, you will tell your parents. But if for whatever reason you can’t bring yourself to tell your parents, then try talking with a teacher, counselor, or nurse at school; a friend’s mom or dad; another adult relative of your own; a minister, rabbi, imam, or other religious figure; your physician; or anyone else. For starters, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) if you are in North America.

      You don’t have to bang your head, or cut, or kill yourself, to feel better. And you don’t need to be alone with your sadness and suicidal thoughts. Please let someone help you. If it’s easier, show your parents – or someone else – your comment on this website. Sometimes it’s easier to let someone read what you’ve written than to say it aloud. And it’s far easier for others to read words than to read minds.

      Good luck to you, and please take care!

  100. Efraim says:

    I’m impressed this author didn’t talk down to readers (at least it didn’t feel that way to me). Not only were her suggestions open (as in, the author doesn’t insinuate she definitely knows what is right for someone else), but she also appeared even respectful of the decisions other adults might make–even if these differ from her own. This is all too rare, sadly, when others–professionals or the rest of us–discuss suicide.

    I am a single guy, not kids, no pets, and one friend half-way across the USA whom I see every 4 or 5 years or so. I do regret the effects my suicide will have on him. And that is my sole regret. I find him to be the most thoughtful and sensitive human being I’ve ever met. Also, the loyalest and absolute best friend I could possibly ever have. But, and he and I have discussed my plans before, I know he cares for me so much that he wouldn’t want me to keep hurting. I’ve known him since I was in college. He saw me through grad school, medical school, and beyond. One day he said to me, “It’s not a matter of *if,* but rather of *when.*”

    Why would anyone want to deprive an otherwise intelligent, responsible adult who’d consistently expressed thoughts in favor of suicide for decades, and who’d tried multiple modalities of therapy and drugs to no avail, from bringing to fruition his/her wishes regarding his/her own life? I mean, it’s not as if those who would proscribe suicide live in the minds of the suicidal. Most of these therapy-at-all-cost apologists don’t even live with us, cannot keep the worst of loneliness at bay, aren’t there to walk beside or sit next to us in our darkest moments, can’t provide us the degree of companionship many of us yearn for. We’re all free to like–or not like–whomever we wish. So there’s no guarantee that people will have their deepest emotional needs met. Ever. Then, if we agree we should each be free to build deep, quality relationships with whomever we wish, why not gracefully agree that those left who happen to remain largely outside the sustaining warmth and light of the sphere of human affection should, after long consideration, be free to seek our final exit? If we’re too great a burden on others’ time and emotional resources, fine. Then let us leave.

    Therapists have told me throughout my life that part of my suicidal ideation I myself cause because I am not honest with my community members. Most of my acquaintances are other men–most married, some single. I don’t know where my therapists get the image of guys-there-for-other-guys, but my experience of male-hood since college is, and I apologize for the stereotype and honor those other men who don’t behave this way, that guys treat other guys very, very differently emotionally than the way we treat women. Every male acquaintance (other physicians–even psychiatrists!–to guys I’d played basketball with for years) I’d ever begun to open up to shut me down like I was an open container of aerosolized Ebola. That may be the result of cultural biases, but the result is that as a single man without surviving relatives (my parents and brother were killed in an accident the month before I began college) and few friends, one may have no one to turn to other than the 50-minute-sessions therapists we pay to “listen” to us, make us feel, perhaps, like we matter. And very briefly about suicide hotlines. My freshman year I was sitting on the floor of my dorm, distraught. I called a hotline, got, just statistics, perhaps, a male counselor. He was patently disinterested in speaking with me, and after less than two minutes told me he had other people to take care of. I called hotlines four more times over the next fifteen years. Each time was just as fruitless. And please don’t get me started on all the pro-support public service announcements that are especially rampant in the medical community. I don’t need posters. I need sincere and trustful intimacy.

    No one will ever convince me suicide is wrong. It is the ultimate personal freedom, professional therapists’ opinions-cum-official-pronouncements notwithstanding. My body. My mind. My microsecond-by-microsecond experience of my life. My decision. End of discussion (for me). But I am immensely grateful when anyone–professional or not–exhibits the kind of grace, humility, and respect this author did in this article when discussing a matter of such definitive intimacy. Thank you, Stacey.

    This holiday I am finalizing my will. God-or-entropy-or-whatever willing, I’ll be gone before spring. And that is the only thought that comforts me.

    • Anonymous says:

      I totally understand your post. I feel exactly the same way and am in a similar position. I wish we could talk.

  101. anonymous says:

    hi i am 17 years old and feel so alone. I did do this to myself though, i’m different and people don’t like that i guess. after finishing school, at the age of 16, things started to hit that my friends don’t really want to talk or keep in contact with me. The last 6 months i felt the pain of 17 years of my life. when i was aged 5 my parents split and i never understood why until i was 12. my dad brainwashed me and my sister and compelled us to say evil and horrible things to our mother, who was also suffering from depression. from 5 til around 16, i would worry about her killing herself or her having an accident and i wasn’t there to stop it. My dad controlled my mum and me and y sister from years and years. Im sick of hurting people and them hurting me. Im sick of living in a world that is blinded. i don’t want people to get close to me i don’t want to hurt or control them and them to control me. i don’t want to be around people but i need people. i am worried i might just end up losing the on going battle with myself to hurt other people. i feel like i should either kill myself or kill others. other things have also happened but it will take forever to type up. i just don’t know what to do anymore

    • Samiel says:

      Please visit the Resource section of this blog and see whether you can find some help! You are a kind person and obviously you did not intend to hurt other people. You hurt them by mistake and that was not your fault. It is not good to chastise yourself for something you have no control over. I hope you realize this. Maybe it helps to talk to your mother about it. I wish that you can stay strong and find the help you need.

  102. Sorry says:

    I am a 43 year old wife and mother of 3. I did something I truly regret, I commuted fraud over 5 years ago and was charged approximately 8 months ago. I didn’t receive prison time in a cell but I am on “community” jail time. I have certain terms I have to abide to. Because of this I have lost my job and have caused my family great financial and mental strain. I live in a very small rural area where no one will likely give me a second chance and hire me. I admitted what I did was wrong I am deeply sorry for it. My husband and children have stood by me thru this difficult situation but I still feel so alone, worthless and hopeless. My husband works hard and has picked up every bit of overtime possible for one person. I feel my family would be better off without me that I am a burden to them. I suffer (and did before my crime) from depression, it’s quite common in my family. I try to stay positive and think it will get better but it doesn’t. I went to get groceries today and my debit card was declined. That I feel is the final straw. I hurt so much all the time and I just want it to stop. I love my husband and children and know it would devastate them if I took my own life but everyday I am slipping farther and farther away down into a deep black hole and I’m afraid there is no return. I’m scared and I don’t know where to turn!!

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “Sorry,” how sad and painful your words are. I am sorry you feel so much despair — “alone, worthless, and hopeless.” Yet I see it as a sign of hope that you want help. Are you in the U.S.? If so, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) and they can help. If not, please check out the Resources section of this site. If worse comes to worse, you can go to an emergency room and they will keep you safe and connect you with resources.

  103. Gebrochen says:

    I am a 15 year old currently. I started having problems with depression a year ago and it continues on today. At the beginning I used to be in a marching band where everyday I would be bullied and called stupid, worthless, and so many other things. I tried to face the day with a smile every day but it never ceased. this went on for most of the year. As soon as I got out of band I felt as if I was slightly free. Slightly. Because of this predicament I found myself in for so long my grades dropped dramatically and my parents screamed at me constantly over my grade to the point of me crying everynight. Along with that I had horrible teachers that cussed me out in the middle of class. Then I really reached my breaking point when about a month ago my best friend that was my childhood crush died in a car accident. He was t-boned by a drunk driver. I just couldnt take it anymore. I started cutting myself and crying myself to sleep every night. I talked to my friends about it and one of them slapped me in the face and told me how stupid I was for doing that and that I should get over it. After this I developed a acid reflux and an ulcer that makes me throw up several times a day. I have almost killed myself several times and when my family found out about me cutting they said that I needed to get over it and worry about important things. I really think it would be better if I died.

    • Samiel says:

      I’m very sorry for you that you are raised in such a toxic, dysfunctional environment. Being put down constantly by others surely can affect a person’s self-esteem and health. People who slap you are not your friends. You’d be better off without them, not them without you.

      Please, hang in there. The most obvious (and most difficult) choice is to become self-reliant so that you can leave this toxic environment behind. It can get better and I’m sure it will. I see that you are from a German speaking country. I’m confident that there is some kind of help for you (school counselor, information centre for victims of abuse, medical help, …). I hope you find the will to stay strong. I’d be glad to hear from you.

    • Samiel says:

      I just want to add something: The violent, dismissive behaviour of your peers, family and teachers might come from the fact that they themselves do not know how to cope with anxiety, depression, and the threat of suicide. They fear what the cannot handle.

  104. Fareez says:

    Im 20 years old. Im currently very depressed because my girlfriend broke up with me. We have been together for more than 3 years. We promised each other that we will stay together for each other. Few weeks back, she broke up with me. She said its because she is bored and tired of dealing with me. I tried everything i could to fix our relationship but nothing could work out. Most of my friends asked me to just move on, but i cant. She is the only source of my happiness and she is there for me when i have nobody else to hang on to. Then, when this thing happens, i cant accept it mentally. I cry myself to sleep every night. I cant just move on. I feel like suiciding everyday. A car accident wont seem to obvious. I cant feel happiness anymore. Im really tired of living like this. She said that she doesnt need me anymore and that she is better off alone. She said that Im annoying. She said that she hates me. I feel very hopeless. Maybe someone like me just dont deserve to feel any happiness. Maybe, she doesnt even care if i died.

    • David says:

      Hi Fareez.. so sorry ur feeling this way… even the contemplation of taking your own life is a drain on ones energy and self esteem… both of which are usually already in the crapper… .. least mine usually is… I doubt anyone has as low an opinion about me as I have of myself… can you relate?/ there have been lots of people, I am sure , who were important in my past , that wouldn’t care if I died… it really hurts.. and makes me sad too… but I ,,, honest to God ,, do care if you die… the reason : you are brave enough to talk about your pain… that means you are hurting and reaching out… that takes guts! .. there are people that admire that and you WILL come across them.. it might take a while.. often hard to see clearly after being hurt… but if you end it now… you will never find someone guaranteed … and you will be denying them of meeting a wonderful person like YOU… don’t do that.. take care! david

    • Fareez says:

      I really dont know. She doesnt care about me anymore. Nobody else have ever cared and loved me like she did. Now, i feel so useless. She doesnt even want to meet me now. I have been replaced by someone else. If this relationship doesnt work out, i dont want to be in love anymore. I dont want to get through all those misery again. I gave her my everything. Now Im left with nothing. I just feel like suiciding. Theres no use of me living now. Everybody keeps on asking me to move on. But its not just that simple.

    • Efraim says:

      Fareez, I second what David wrote above–about caring about you despite not knowing you, because, in large part, you were honest, brave, and vulnerable to share as you have. I also relate to what David and you have written–that being dismissed by people important to us can be profoundly painful. I wish I had answers. I’ve searched for them in philosophy, religion, psychology, and science. Only the lattermost gave me any answers I found near-universal and empirically sound. But they (the answers) were nonetheless unsatisfying–not that the cosmos is obligated to be satisfying to one particular self-aware life form. Sorry, off track. I mean to say I really wish I had something to say to you that would make you feel better. You remind me, in your words, a bit (more than just a bit) of myself. I empathize with you. And I’m terribly sorry.

      I wish I could also agree with the rest of David’s assessment–that those of us who suffer a dearth of meaningful (to us) social contact will definitely come across this in time. I’m older than you, I think. I’m in my thirties, long past college, and work and teach in a vibrant community of scholars. I still haven’t come across the people David asserts are there. An NYU Med professor I admire coined the phrase (I believe he did) “socially maladapted.” Maybe David’s people are really there, but some of us just aren’t well enough acclimated to the social expectations of our community members to be able to forge sustaining relationships. Unlike me, however, maybe you will learn how to do this. I get the feeling you and I would have a provocative chat about the nature of human social existence, especially regarding our perceptions of the relationship between our needs and our world’s (or our own abilities to) supply of those needs.

      I hope it makes you feel even a bit better to know at least two of us who read your story felt strongly enough for you to reach out. I think a lot of other readers have felt or will feel similarly. I’m wishing you peace.

    • -A says:

      I’m dealing with heartbreak right now as well – and the older you get, the worse it gets. I was talking to someone I thought might be the one – he kind of led me on, and later on, which was a few months ago, I found out that there was someone else and he quickly married her. He cut me out of his life and said he wanted nothing to do with me. He blocked me out of his life – but I got through to him once and he told me that he’s moved on and that I should too. I never got closure. I never knew there was someone else. I thought that I might be the one who he’d marry. It breaks my heart – and now he ignores me. I am sure he’s happy with her, but I cry daily and I have began to seriously consider suicide – he wouldn’t care, based on the way he’s treated me. He might actually be happy, relieved that I’m gone – but I’ve been thinking about suicide because I don’t know how long I can take the pain of the way he’s treated me – how he ignores me, how he never mentioned there was someone else and how when I begged for closure he refuses and wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I have began to feel worthless and hopeless. I want out of the pain of the loneliness that I deal with daily and the mental torment of thinking about him and his wife and how happy they are now and how he ignores and no longer cares about me. The days have been really hard – but I understand where you are coming from. Heartbreak is one of the hardest things to endure.

      For a long time – he was like a light in my life. He was sweet, kind – he was so many things to me. I have endured many types of hardships over the years and manged through them – but this eats away at me and just might be the only thing that I am unable to endure.

  105. Hanging on says:

    I’ve suffered from major depression most of my life. I’m currently a senior in college with a 3.7 GPA. I am involved in my community. I love helping people and I’d consider myself successful. Despite this, I hate myself. No matter what I do, I can’t feel better. Any happiness I get from travel or success quickly fades and is replaced with this horrible uneasiness.The fact that I will be graduting soon makes everything so much worse. I have always known there was something wrong with me. I can’t look in the mirror. I hate my reflection. I have extreme social anxiety. I can’t have a conversation with someone without replaying the conversation over and over in my mind. I almost always conclude that people can just see that there is something wrong with me. The thought of meeting new people terrifies me. It’s ironic how much I love helping people because of how much anxiety they cause me. Every time I make a mistake, it tears down what little self-esteem I’ve been able to muster that day. Every day is a struggle just to get out of bed and convince myself that each day is necessary. I’ve gained so much weight and I can’t manage it and it makes everything worse.

    I want out of my life. Even though I know it isn’t true, I think that everyone hates me and would be better off without me. I’m not worthy of love. Im I’m convinced that my husband will find a better wife who deserves him. People will stop being annoyed by that fat chick and my professors won’t have to grade my extremely long essays or deal with my test anxiety. The world would be so much better without me.

    I know how crazy I sound but my chosen profession frowns upon people with these issues. I’m closeted and I feel so trapped. I need help and have no one to talk to and nowhere to turn. I’m supposed to be helping others but there is no one to help me. I don’t know how much longer I can hang on.

  106. Brian says:

    Nothing helps anymore too many hurts to much disappointed people. Pain grows time is limited

  107. xxx says:

    Hi Stacey,
    First of all, I really thank you for what you do, and I am sure that it will help lots of people. It takes a lot of courage to invite people to complaining, and then listening to their problems; trying to solve them is also more valuable than that.
    I am a guy, 25 years old. I think about suicide all the time. I am not in much pain now. In fact, I am a very successful person. I have accomplished things that 90% of people cannot get even one of them. I mean in sport, art, career, etc. And currently I am about to start studying PhD in another country within a few weeks.
    I have gone through many emotional problems in the past 7 years. I was under emotional pain for months every second of day and the worst part was to pretend that I am totally ok. And I could not talk to anyone about this. In fact at the same time that I was under emotional pressure I worked, studied, took exams, thought about math problems, etc. Needless to say, all those years I thought of suicide but in the last moments I thought that things could change. But I managed to handle them and I don’t have any regret in that part. After that someday, I told my girl cousin about my problems and she totally supported me and it made me love her. She was the first and the last person who knows about my problems. But, then I proposed to her and she rejected me (in my country marriage of cousins is not odd). At the time I was very mad, filled with hatred and revenge. But now 15 months has passed now, and now I have forgiven her. Actually, I know that she made the right decision. I chat with her on the internet from time to time and there is no hard feeling. However, I still would love to live with her and I do not want to see the day that she marries another person. Having said that, even if I do marry her I will still have serious regrets. In fact, happening this and not happening this will lead to regrets, but of different kinds. Therefore, thinking that things could change is meaningless now.
    It is not like that I have problems with girls or cannot marry anyone else. In fact, I turned down some marriage offers in the past few months. And I know that when I marry someone else I will still think of my cousin in my own privacy until the last moments of my life. I know that because I have seen old people with the same situation.
    There are also a lot of people who care about me and love me (e.g. my family). A lot of people (kid or adult) also follow my footsteps and look at me as an example for their lives.
    All in all, I think that at the present time, the real problem is perfection. It is like that every day of your life you can be the happiest person on earth, but at some unknown hour during the day a snake comes, bites you, then leaves and the scar will heal. Right now I am not in pain, but tired, and I would like to rest … . It is not like that I want to kill myself today or tomorrow, but I believe that this is the way I will die sooner or later.
    Please do not think that I am a weak person, and I think about the suicide the first time that things do not go as I planned. I have been through a lot emotionally, and physically. I have failed many times but I stood up again.

  108. Sheri says:

    All I want is to die

  109. i am DONE says:

    i have been through therapy for years, tried many many therapists/counselors and they left me with even a bigger wound. one of the therapist refers me to a psychiatrist and now im on snri. so lo n behold i have now been with this psychiatrist for 3 years, now im having constant suicidal thoughts, even thoroughly planned out my suicide. ive shared to my doc and she did nothing about it. i cant look for a job, cant finish my thesis. im stuck. i am literally handicapped by my mind! with the littlest survival instinct that’s left of me, now im writing this here. i dk what i should do. im 24, unemployed, have not graduated frm my degree.
    my family knows of my suicide attempts bcos theyve stopped it. i did it few times and yet im still here.
    if icant die, then i tried so hard to live. but im still constantly haunted by the relief i would find from me being dead. i m now just too tired, my doc wouldnt help me further but only to prescribe me more pills…i;ve stopped therapy as it’s doing more damage to my mind than it had before i had any sessions……. i am done. the last remaining energy i have now is just on my bed…..typing this ,,,,…

  110. Anonymous says:

    I’m 17 about to be 18 I’ve tried to kill myself many times but someone always ends up stopping me.
    Yes I’m young but I’ve been through hell and I honestly hate living everyday knowing that I can never escape my nightmare. My Bio dad raped me for 3 years started when I was 2 and ended when I was 5 put me through hell. people tell me it’s my fault that I deserved it. I have no one. after 13 years in prison I had to do a victims statement and they still let him Go. I can’t sleep or eat knowing he’s a free man cause I WILL NEVER BE FREE FROM MY NIGHTMARE!

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      What you describe is heartbreaking, first of all your bio father’s abuse of you, and second how alone and hopeless you feel now that he has been released from prison. Even years later, the trauma continues, doesn’t it?

      I hope you will get help for your suicidal thoughts, whether from a teacher, a school counselor, a friend, a friend’s parent, or a professional. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) if you are in North America. I also list places where you can get help for your suicidal thoughts by text, phone, or online chat; see the Resources page on this website.

      Have you received help specifically for the trauma you’ve endured? It’s amazing that anyone would say that rape by an adult is a child’s fault. Amazing, and so, so hurtful. You did not deserve to be raped, and you did not deserve to have anyone tell you that.

      There are different treatments for people who have survived trauma. Each aims to help the person not only to recover from the post-traumatic effects, but also to feel less shame and to feel more hope. Some of the treatments are cognitive processing therapy, trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), and prolonged exposure.

      “Anonymous,” there is help available. I hope that you are able to find it – or that it finds you!

    • Anonymous says:

      It’s going to be okay

  111. jack says:

    First of all I don’t give a damn who gets negatively affected by my choice to end my life. Only I got to live with my life. There is already way too many stupid people breeding so if I died someone else could fill my job slot and live in the apartment I am occupying. A year from now my presence that I have ever lived will be forgotten. People stupidly breed like rabbits and there will always be new human beings. There are way too many fertile Myrtles in this world.

  112. Niko says:

    Hi, Im 22, Im not american and Im still learning english so I hope you dont mind if I type anything wrong..
    I write down my feelings because I dont know where else to trun, things are getting harder and there are alot of negativity I shall receive as consequences if I tell them that I want to die. I started thinking suicide just recently as I reached my 22 but long before that I had been trough alot of pain like bullied for years in schools, excluded, and seeing my family suffered. but I survived, I managed to get out of those pain, I have turn out into someone stronger but yet nothing’s good keep happening and there was the time when I couldnt pretend anymore as bad things kept coming and I must faced them by my self. Im tired already Im lonely, I have been fighting alone without no one help, the reasons why I still alive are because I believe in God and I wanna make my family happy but then I realized I was a loser I’ve been fail getting what I had to get, and I failed with such disgusting experiences and now I started building the wall of denial that no good thing will happen, god has left me behind and I deserve to die… I have decided what methods I should choose, just wait the time untill I really believe Im no worth to tive… there is no any suitable environment for me, if I tell my family then they will get suffered and I wont forgive my self for that but if tell my friends, doctors or anyone else I dont think they would listen because in my country thinking about suicide is considered as being crazy for real that I must be put in hospital, weak that instead of being helped I might end up being mocked by them, thats why I guess I just have to wait untill the time comes…

    • Jeff Rispo says:

      Hey Niko, my name if Jeff..I am from America and it really doesn’t matter it your spelling is not perfect or if your not perfect..Nobody in this world is perfect!.I am just a regular guy (older) but just like like you, a child of God and a regular human being..How about if two regular guys (you and I) just have a conversation and talk about things, anything..You seem pretty cool and maybe we could be friends. We all have our problems and their is nothing the matter with just having a conversation.Life is about helping each other out…Please feel free to email me buddy, looking forward to speaking with you!

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Jeff, thank you again for reaching out to my readers. Your kindness can affect many people, not only the person to whom you extend it, but also to the many witnesses who can find comfort knowing that strangers can help strangers.

      Niko, if you want to communicate with Jeff, please email me at and I will give you his email address.

  113. Sonia says:

    I love life but there is no…….

  114. Mary says:

    I’m 29 and a mother of two and wife of ten years. I have bipolar disorder. I don’t go to treatments anymore because my medication was too much for me and made me very volatile. My doctor wouldn’t listen and refused to treat me if I refused to take my meds. I would really like to go on another treatment plan but my husband talks me out of it for a number of reasons. 1. We don’t have a lot of money for medical bills since we treat our 10yr olds mental health my 8yr old has crohns and my lupus. It has drained our bank. 2. He thinks his “love” is enough for me to be ok during my manic modes. 3. He doesn’t see mental Illness as a serious involuntary thing. So I’m constantly being told “you’re being irrational, it’s all in your head… You’re fine”
    I’ve thought about death and killing myself my entire life. I have no reason to want death. I live a fairly decent life. It has struggles and I’ve had very traumatic times but I feel they aren’t worthy of suicide. My mind is on my death atleast 10 times any given hour. I see the blood and feel the burning. I don’t want a quick fast shot to the head. I already know exactly how I want to end my life if I were to take it. I’m scared. I finally came out and told my husband after 15 years of being together about how I feel…. and he cried. But it still wasn’t enough for him to demand I have treatment. My parents think mental illness is a joke or weakness. They mock people with issues like mine. They told me I was ruining my daughter for taking her to a psychologist. My dads words were “she’s gonna say something and they’ll take her from you and then you’ll be sorry. You’ll wish you listened”
    I don’t know why I want death and obsess over my own suicide when I have no need. Please tell me how to make it stop. I’ve foolishly attempted twice. Once as a teen in the most naïve dramatic way possible. Screaming for help. And once in my mid 20s. My husband broke the door down and saved me. I thank him every night in my head. I just don’t want to go through with it one day. But the urge is so loud. It won’t let me sleep. It won’t let me cope. It won’t let me live.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      My heart hurts for you. You describe dealing with so much, between experiencing incessant and intrusive suicidal thoughts, being diagnosed with bipolar, not receiving treatment, feeling unable to get treatment, experiencing judgment from your loved ones, etc.

      I hope you will reconsider getting professional help. Maybe you could go just for one appointment and test the waters. You said money is an issue. Do you live where there is a community mental health agency that offers services at lower cost? Alternatively, could you talk to your primary care physician about options?

      There are also many places where you can talk with someone about your problems and suicidal thoughts, whether by phone, text, or online chat. I list various resources on my site here: A good place to start is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, if you live in North America. The number is 1.800.273.8255 (TALK).

      Whatever happens, I hope you are able to stay safe and stay true to that part of you that wants to live…and that you are able to get help, if not. Good luck!

    • Mary says:

      I live in such a rural area that we drive 3 hours just for my daughters treatments. I work full time so taking off work and spending money on “myself and my own needs” seems so selfish. I know I need to be healthy or I’m not doing my family any good. I know I have to be medicated, but I’m afraid. I went down the dark path of cocktails of pill trials and problematic dosing. Part of me doesn’t think I’m strong enough to stand through it all. It took years for them to never get it right for me. It resulted in my last attempt at suicide. I don’t know if my marriage will hold up through out the trials. Or my kids will forgive me for what I might say or do while on these meds. I’m so scared. My anxiety is paralyzing. Sometimes…. Most of the time I feel like the only way to stop the loud yelling in my head is to cut it off. But I don’t want to hurt my family. I love them. I just want this noise to shut up. These thoughts to go away. I feel as if I’m dueling with the devil everyday.

  115. Anonymous says:

    I can not share my fault… In front my family… I do not want to show how Bad I am… It will Hurt them.. I am in Loan … I do not have that much earning source to pay back. I have to pay my loan in few days… …£20000. I can not sleep… I am 56 yrs old lady… My husband is a very good person.. I feel Gulty…. Every night … I am worried of Loan as well as my family. I do not want to let them about it.

  116. Anonymous says:

    i’m 13 in 8th grade i’ve been thinking about suicide since 5th grade because i feel worthless forgotten my mom gives me looks that she hates me my mom use to slap me when i was little now she sleeps with guys she called me a slut or a bitch in 4th grade up to 6th grade. I barely know my dad he left me an my brother when i was in 3rd grade because he was cheating on my mom with a chick who has 2 kids so my dad spoils them i try to stay with my dad for awhile see if my mom would stop drinking an sleeping with guys. But she did not stop my dad can’t handle his anger very well he blame stuff on me an set me up for thing i didn’t even do no one knows how i feel i’ve cut my self 5 times now just to focus on something else try to take it away i try to tell my mom how i feel but then when we get into a fight she would use that against me idk what to do now i just became numb i don’t care about anything really anymore i’m an outcast now i’m doing home school but this is only the beginning i want to say more but i don’t think that anyone will understand i just don’t give a fuck anymore i’m tired of the bullshit an lies the only thing that makes me happy is always listening to music i mostly listen to MGK’s because i can understand it but idk if i want to live or die i’m not afraid to die though i don’t think i have feelings anymore i just have full of hatred in me like i wanna hurt people like i can just snap like that i’m not bipolar or anything like that i’m just now use to it idk what to do now.

    • mary ann says:

      u are young there is hope your still here talk to god you are loved stay quiete youll hear your answers there is hope for u i have faith in u

    • Anonymous says:

      The question of whether suicide is the answer, or not, is simply, is the future worth the gamble.
      What is your view of life, do you think you have a purpose? Do you think your future could be something you can enjoy? If you have no purpose, and truly believe there is nothing to enjoy in the future, the next question is to ask yourself, because there is no purpose does that mean life is not worth living? If you answer yes, kill yourself. If you answer yes to both, then kill yourself, however if you answer the question of enjoying something in the future with a yes, regardless of the answer to your first question, maybe you should consider suicide as a last resort. Because if you think of something you may enjoy in the future, then it is your purpose to fulfill that enjoyment.

      Whatever you decide, don’t let factors of people close to you suffering, be the decision to not end yourself, think of yourself, and yourself only, because that is what it is to be human.
      Do what you believe to be best for you.

  117. Brett says:

    Hi. I’m 22 years old. I’ve been dealing with this for a few years now. Contemplating suicide just because I’ve been through too much failures in my life up till now. I’m a 2 time college dropout, dropped out last fall and this fall. Only cause I didn’t like what I was taking and to not put my mental health at further risk. Not knowing what you’re career is and financial problems, Problem is, now it’s different this time being back at home with my parents and brother. Nothing isn’t really the same. Only because I want to have independence but I’m too poor to do so. I have no job, no drivers licence and no career motivation. I do have goals, being the main one. Wanting to have a family someday. The problem is that I don’t know what career I should just try and leap into without feeling miserable about it. I’m already miserable, that I’m single and still living at home. I live in a small town where there isn’t a whole lot of job opportunities. For which why I went to college or tried college twice I mean. But I felt miserable there, and didn’t like my studies. After coming back home, things just don’t feel the same and I have no other way out. My cousins and brother are more successful then I am. Especially my cousins, having conpansionship, which I really want. But nobody neither girl wants to take the time or day to get to know me. Even when I do have flaws I need to work on. I need something to live for in my life. Some specific reason, and when it’s for a girl, I’ll do better. I just don’t think family is enough cause you got do stuff on you’re own and I just don’t know where to start now. How to be or act as me. I was only gonna live till next year but I’m giving myself 10 years for things to change. Even if it’s in my control or if it’s out of my control. If things are still the same, then it makes life worthless if you’re trying to make your dreams happen and then they don’t happen. What’s the point of living forward after that? I can’t say it’s like I didn’t try.

    • mary ann says:

      your so young you wait awhile stay quiet within yourself the answer will come i have faith in you.

    • Jeff Rispo says:

      Hey Brett, hope you don’t mind me saying, if you fail twenty times, it’s okay! Because maybe the 21st time is when things start to change…Do you like baseball? The player that is up to bat and is in a slump? They are 0 for 30 at bat..All of the sudden, they get a little blooper over the second baseman’s head, but since they ran the ball out, they are safe at first base….All of the sudden, they go into a little hitting streak…and they are out of their slump..(all because they ran they ball out and were safe at first after that little blooper single)…that is how life is…hang in don’t know what is around the corner for you..their is nothing the matter with constantly falling down, it’s a matter of constantly getting up…Sooner or later, things start to go your way..Everybody has problems (we all do)…(can’t forget that) me buddy and I would be glad to talk to you..I’m just a regular cool guy, just like you!

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      Those are great words of wisdom. Your words remind me of a popular line I like, “The future is unwritten.” We have no idea what is to come. People who are suicidal often think they do know. They see only misery or loneliness or some other pain ahead. But often, very often, they are wrong.

      That said, all the words of the wisdom in the world might not be able to reach a suicidal person. To think incessantly of suicide, to see suicide as the solution despite humans’ innate instinct to survive – with rare exceptions, these states signal that the person is not thinking entirely rationally. Proponents of “rational suicide” will disagree with that statement, and that is fine, but I have observed too many people who vociferously and myopically wanted to die, only to later realize that their thinking was severely distorted.

      I am not saying that you should not keep trying to help; often words of wisdom do soothe or edify a suicidal person, and those instances are precious. Please do continue to reach out.

      Mostly I wrote this response not only for you, but also for the people who read this who are suicidal and might feel untouched by your words, so that they might feel less alone, even if only a little.

      p.s. Brett, if you want to contact Jeff by email, email me at and I will give you his email address.

    • Chris says:

      You remind me of me, just now. I’m 22 years of age as well. Only difference is, I only completed high school and couldn’t find a career to work towards and build upon. I was afraid of wasting money going to college if I didn’t even know what to aim for.

      I’ll tell you what it’s like for me, trying to find a job. I get lied to and turned away by every employer I’ve ever been interviewed by, despite taking every step I knew to present myself in the best and most honest way. After doing so, I end up waiting and waiting… and waiting… and waiting for a response for a week+, I contact them back, and I’m never able to reach whoever interviewed me, to reflect on what I did wrong, nor am I given any explanation as to why I wasn’t good enough to perform basic tasks for minimum wage.

      16 year old people, for example, seemingly are hired instantly without much question. I know this, through my brother’s friends (16 – 19). Little to no resistance. I apply to the EXACT same places with hired signs still posted. I’m lucky to get an interview at best. It’s all I’ve ever gotten out of any employer. Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m unlikable. Though I don’t know what to do after that, but play the victim role once again.

      I especially hate when they say something like “We’ll get back to you in a few days.” or “I’ll see what I can do for you.” with a plastic smile.

      My plan on ending my life is far from an easy one. I know when I attempt it, that my mind will act in strange ways at a last effort to save itself. I’ll be weak in the knees with fear when I tie that rope in a dark place in any woods nearby. But I’m afraid I won’t stop unless I’m given a far chance in this world without having to crawl on my bare knees each and every day for one.

      I don’t expect help from you, as I don’t think I’m able to help you, but I just wanted to say, that you’re the closest to my situation as I can find, though you’ve actually attempted college, which is more than I can say for myself.

  118. Anonymous says:

    My psychiatrist has told me to not talk about my problems any more, to any one. My friends and family are for enjoying life and nothing else according to her, and appointments with her are for meds and getting me to join activities and such. She said last time she can give me five minutes at the beginning of the session to talk, cry and whine but that is it. she said that talk therapy won’t help me, that i have tried it for too long. I am at the end of my rope. I cannot deal with my self hate, overwhelming emotions, depression, anxiety or anything else. I am so tired of trying to be ok, of trying to fix what is broken. I can’t take it anymore.

  119. Daniel says:

    Can’t live no more im worn out. Gave up on my Soul. My soul Weaken and can’t fight no more only want to is lay down to the ground and die Peaceful. Life is hard life has changed alot Advance life style while the world becomes Full hard living. Was not ment to be in this life style. Supppse to live in the Good life Quality how people beings can lend a help to you.
    Darkness is real it will end your Problems and die. My soul is in a inverted world no hope to live on

  120. vic says:

    It will finds me eventually. I have been wondering inside a dark tunnel for awhile now, I yet see no lights. I am alone, inside my own world. my past haunt me, my living tortures me, I disappoint people. I am truly tired, very tired….I will end it soon and trouble others no more.

    • Jeff Rispo says:

      Yo Vic, feel free to email me..Please, you do not know what is around the corner for you..Keep your head up..Talk to me, I would be more than happy to have a conversation with you..I am far from perfect, but I think we can all learn from one another..Life is about helping each other out..Please email me..

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Jeff, how kind of you to reach out to Vic. Thank you.

      Vic, if you want to email Jeff, please email me at and I will give you his email address.

      Amid so many lamentable ways that people treat others, it is heartwarming to see a tender offer of help to a stranger.

  121. Anonymous says:

    From reading the ‘finally, what if you survive a suicide attempt with serious injuries’, this implies that the much better alternative to suicide is being patient and waiting for the right time to die.

  122. Rich says:

    All I could think about is committing suicide. I don’t have the will to do anything. I keep on having reoccurring dreams where I’m falling from the Coronado Bridge.

  123. Hannah says:

    I need to find someone i can trust

    • mary ann says:

      Hannah its going to be ok you are young there is hope for u and also jesus loves u he knows you well be quiet and talk to him invite him listen to him there is hope i hear what you are saying

  124. Hannah says:

    I have been considering suicide for a while now, and have attempted it once. I may again. I dont know what to do. My mom terrifies me, she insults me and slaps or hits me. She will scream all the time at me and says that all of the problems she has are my fault. When she thought i had depression she got a counselor, but the lady lied to me and claimed that it all was confidential. It wasnt but my mom did not want to pay for anything and it has gotten worse. I feel worthless and all of the people i cared for do not speak to me any more, even my best friends. Help me please i have tried everything

    • Mary says:

      Hannah it sounds like your mom has anger issues. I had a mother like that and grew to become a mother that struggles with it. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Please don’t hurt yourself. You are worth more than what your mother might treat you as. I wish I could hug you.

  125. Worthless13 says:

    Hi I’m 13 and in 7th grade my depression started in 4th grade when we moved out of state because I could not make any friends and 2 years later I started feeling better until now we moved back and I lost my only friend and she was my best friend and i miss her my depression started again in 7th grade when people I saw used to be my friend and now just ignored me so I had no friends and my family treated me like crap so now in 8th grade I started making a few friends and I kind of stick with them until I started to take an interest in a boy and this girl combined our names and made something stupid and kept calling me and him that name so he though it was me who created that name and started cussing me out calling me name and telling me I was worthless piece of crap and that all I do is waste his oxygen my friends knew and kept calling me that until I told my friend about it she never called me that and she tried talking to him because she has his number and does not believe her and now when ever I see him in the hallways he runs into me and it hurts really bad and during this when ever I get a mood spike and stuff like that like when ever my nefew gets more attention then me my mom would say that I was just jelous and I should go away. I don’t want to kill my self but I feel like their is nothing left to do I can’t talk to my family because they won’t listen and if I talk to my school counselor my mom will get mad at me and start cussing me out saying that I will get my nefew taken away and that everything is my fault. I cry myself to sleep every night I’m just tired of it please help please I just want it to stop the pain the tears I’m tired of faking a smile when I just want to cry please make the pain stop please – Worthless13

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “Worthless13” (who is anything but worthless),

      My heart aches for you as I read your words. You are going through so much, and it seems that you feel trapped. But you do have other options besides suicide. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK), so that you can talk about your options with a trained counselor. If you need help immediately and are in danger of acting on your suicidal thoughts, call 911.

      There are many people in your world who care about you. Please let someone try to help you!

    • mary ann says:

      there is hope for u and the one above knows your pain and your so young get a good therapist too please dont do anything i know how u feel truely i do ive been dealing with same issue even though im older now there is hope for u

  126. Melissa says:

    I have tried several times to kill myself but nothing has seam to work, I have tried doctors, therapist’s to get help but none of them can relate to how I feel.ongoing torture with depression feeling worthless, unwanted unloved, an so on. I really just want the pain the way I feel to go away an never come back an this time when I try suicide I’m not going to tell anyone an hope it work’s.

  127. Jean E says:

    I have told my therapist that if and when I decide to commit suicide I will absolutely not tell her or anyone else. I’ve had to many bad experiences with the crisis system to risk further abuse by people allegedly helping me.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      How sad that the system inspires secrecy in people at the very time when they most need to be able to talk to someone who can help. I understand the reason for a legal mandate to keep people safe from suicide, but in the end I worry that we lose more lives than we would if we let people share their suicidal thoughts without fear of involuntary hospitalization. (Of course, involuntary hospitalization is quite rare; see my post “Will I Be Committed to a Mental Hospital if I Tell a Therapist about My Suicidal Thoughts?“)

      I am sorry that you have had bad experiences. Elyn Saks, who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and used mental health services for decades, states in her TedTalk video that she is not anti-psychiatry, but she is anti-force. This is an important distinction to make. Although many hospitals are humane and helpful, some hospitals unnecessarily use force (e.g., restraints), which again endangers people more in the long run.

  128. kampampa says:

    I believe Life to me is an ongoing torture. Living with mental retardation is painfull. 30 years of my life I’ve been subjected to a nightmare. And I’ve been longing to die ever since I was a kid.

    Back at elementary school I was a very awkward, dumb kid and often teased for it by my peers and ridiculed by teachers, none of the kids wanted to associate themselves with me. I hated myself for not being normal like other kids, I was known for my slowness and stupidity by my family and everyone in my neighborhood. All I ever wanted was to be normal.

    Things went from bad to worse as I grew. I just can’t measure up to a lot of people intellectually, nobody takes me seriously I’m often insulted and verbally abused and nicer people just patrionize me and treat me like a kid which tears me apart. I never had a girlfriend and I don’t have a job; I’m too stupid to grasp let alone follow simple instructions therefore ill remain jobless and dependant for the rest of my life. I have dreams and desires and not having what’s needed to achieve them makes life worthless.

  129. Ted says:

    I’m 24 and a worthless waste of skin and oxygen, i’m given it until I’m 30 (maybe earlier if it gets worse beforehand) if nothing changes I’m done, I’ll probably tie something heavy and jump into a river or lake I can’t swim so it will be much easier to do the deed, Deaths cold loving embrace will be welcoming. I don’t want any help Antidepressants, therapy etc, tried all that rubbish and it did nothing I’m sick of it and everything.

    • I know how you feel same position

    • Abby says:

      Ted im 24 this year; in a few days time to be precise. I hated how I’ve tried all of the things listed above and the endless loop of worthlessness and sadness keeps repeating itself. I hated how I feel peace by thinking of ways to end myself.

      I don’t know how to say this; but I can’t imagine the pain u r feeling like I feel mine. If the pain of mine is anywhere similar to yours; I wish that you would give yourself two days pause before taking action. With the two days, do something that you wanna do but didn’t that makes u happy, like getting a pet fish, or going for a run under the rain. It feels good.

      All I wanna say…death is permanent and u can’t restart life. It’s the end and won’t come back. I hope you wouldn’t regret by crossing the afterlife thinking that there’s so much more you haven’t done and you r longing to do that life has offered you.

      Remember, even the beginning of us as a tiny sperm, we didn’t stop and kept swimming because we are born a fighter and didn’t gave up! Thus, we are born

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      Your comment is beautifully said. Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve suffered so intensely, but happy to witness the wisdom that must help you through such experiences.

      What you said about waiting two days reminds me of a technique that I wrote about elsewhere on this site called the 3-day rule. This simple way of dealing with suicidal thoughts is to wait three days. And then whenever any doubt or reluctance revisits, start over the 3-day clock. The idea is not only for people to wait out the suicidal storm and survive its most intense force, but also for people to observe their process and how suicidal thoughts fluctuate. You can read more about it here: The 3-Day Rule and Suicide.

      Thanks again for sharing, Abby, and good luck to you.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Hi Ted,

      What pain you must be in to call yourself a “worthless waste of skin and oxygen”! I can only imagine the things your mind must tell you about yourself, and that you believe. Although you have written off getting any help, I hope you will reconsider at some point. You said therapy didn’t help, but there are many kinds of therapy and even many more therapists. You might be able to find a therapist who is a better fit.

      I hope you will consider reaching out for other help, too. You can find a list of places where you can receive help by phone, text, email, or online chat at this part of my website:

      Good luck to you, Ted, and may you experience welcome changes in your life, for the better, between now and 30!

  130. fi says:

    I really appreciated your article and it helped when I was at a really bad low point. I cant thank you enough. Id say the part about thinking about other people is not necessary. Its what suicidal people think of most, other than death and extra guilt doesn’t help. The feelings take over all logic and reason and seeing that people do love you is almost impossible. That or you believe that your death would benefit them. Regardless I want to say thank you, you don’t know me but you saved my life x

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Hello Fi,

      Thanks for your comment and for your words of appreciation. It’s great to know that I helped you! However, it’s not so great that you went through a really bad low. I hope that you are feeling much better now.

      I share the same reservations as you about advising people to think of others, because, as you said, the mind’s reasoning can become so distorted when suicidal thinking is present. Thinking of others can produce many reactions besides feeling reminded of others’ love or of one’s love for others. Instead, when a suicidal person thinks of how the suicide would affect others, he or she might feel guilt, shame, apathy, or even incredulity that others would care. And, as you said, many suicidal people believe that their suicide would be a help to their loved ones.

      So then why did I include that part in the post? Well, I think the above reasoning applies to people who are at a certain stage in their suicidal thinking, what I would consider to be an advanced stage, or at least a more advanced stage than someone who vaguely thinks of suicide or who is just starting to have suicidal thoughts. Among people whose suicidal thinking is not entrenched, thoughts of others can serve as a great deterrent. I have seen this in many of my clients. They say something like, “Oh, I could never do that to __________” or “I need to stay alive for the sake of _______________.” For those people, thinking of others strengthens their resolve to fight suicidal thoughts.

      What works for some people can do nothing for another, or even do harm. Sounds like a good idea for me to pursue in another post…someday.

      Thanks again for sharing your experience and insights!

  131. Jennifer says:

    Im 16 and have been bullied my entire life, ive also been suicidal for about 3 years now. I know im still a kid and i have a life to look forwards to, but i dont want to be here anymore. Ive tried talking to people such as my mom and my “friends” but they dont care. Ive been self harming for 3 years now. I do it because thats my way of dealing with things good and bad. I dont want attention or pity, all i want is to get some help. Ive called suicide hotlines before and they dont seem to help. My family doesnt care about me im the black sheep of the family, my stepmom yells and puts me down all the time and my mom doesnt try to help she sits there and lets her do it. Im sorry for the rant and wasting your time with this idk if anyone would even read this.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I read your comment and it fills me with sadness not only that you are going through such difficult and scary times, but also that you feel so alone. I hope you will try a hotline again. Every counselor is different, so you can’t know what lays ahead. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a good place to call.The number is 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). I also recommend trying to talk with a professional at school, like a school counselor,or a teacher you trust. a

    • mary ann says:

      jennifer bullied because God hasa plan for your life so hang on plus u are young there is hope ask seek and knock you are beatiful

  132. Chris says:

    What if you just don’t care. I’ve lived 36 years. I have no more now than when I got here. I know I’ll have no more when I leave no matter how long I’m here. I’ve worked hard all my life. I still work everyday. Hard work didn’t pay off for me. I’ve never done drugs. I’ve never got in trouble with the law.
    I still know drug addicts that do better than me. I work every day to be homeless. It’s not that I don’t think things will get better I just think what’s the point. No matter what you have doesn’t matter. No matter how good you do doesn’t matter. No matter how hard you work doesn’t matter. All the people you leave behind will be dead soon and it won’t matter. My 70 or 80 years here in the whole of time is nothing. I’m just not good at this life. To me this is a waist of time. I don’t really care about anyone. I see no point not because of situations but because of thinking logically. The only reason I don’t is because I’m afraid of not succeeding. I pulled on front of a dump truck a few days ago and got scared it scared him too, he swerved and missed and the only thought that rent through my head was what of it doesn’t work and it makes life worse. Idk. I won’t last much longer and fear is the only thing holding me back. How do you get over that. I’ve worked hard I’ve tried my best and it just doesn’t work for me and I don’t think it would matter of it did. Just my thoughts

  133. Jeremy says:

    I’m not sure if I’d classify myself as seriously suicidal but it is a lingering thought and that fact coupled with my impulsive nature makes suicide a very possible outcome if I don’t figure some things out…I have so many people in my life and some even claim to love me. So where are they when I just need somebody to talk to? I feel like if I could just talk to someone who gives a damn about me once in awhile I could feel a lot better. Superficially I have a lot going for me: I’m still young-ish (just now 40), I’m in far better physical condition at 40 than I was at 30. I’m very well respected among my peers at work. I’ve been married for 19 years to the only girl I’ve ever dated. I have an IQ well into the 150’s. And some would look at these blessings and think “what the hell is he got to be depressed about…he doesn’t have issues!

    Well, I do. My wife and I are mostly together because neither of us believes in divorce. I feel all used up, like I have nowhere to go in life because I’m too old. My career is on the rocks because of an itinerant supervisor who seems threatened by competency. I built a lot of the successes my company enjoys, and it’s all being taken from me.

    And those that care don’t know, those that know don’t care.

    I feel ashamed….so ashamed. But more than that, I feel hopeless. I just need someone to help me understand this all. Is it transitory? Because it’s feeling less and less so and more and more like this feeling of guilt and hopelessness is what I have to look forward to on the lonely nights that dominate my career field.

    Please…somebody help.

    • Anonymous says:

      You need to find love. There is no passion in your marriage. Your life has become stale and you have put your personal value in your career and your career status. This will be your downfall. Too many eggs in one basket. Life gives us bombshells, the only thing constant is change. You need something to fall back on if it hits you where you feel the strongest. Only you can make the changes in your life to restore a balance to keep you from feeling this way. However, being married because one does not believe in divorce is bad for self esteem and general happiness. People need passion and affection. Just the way we are built I’m afraid. You sound accomplished and like you have a lot going for you. You shouldn’t feel the need to wait for life to tell you what you deserve. Decide what you want and go out and get it. Life will eat you up if you turn your back on it. Don’t stand for it and certainly don’t feel guilty for wanting something else. You are not the same man you were at 20 are you? It would be ridiculous to assume you should be the same man you are now (40) at 60. You have the right to change, and grow with time.

    • Mary says:

      Finding someone that understands is hard. I too have a spouse that doesn’t understand and won’t talk to me about my feelings. I hope you find someone that will listen.

  134. AntoineRoquentin says:

    I will go to college next year and I seem to be the loneliest person I know. Besides my parents I have nobody I can really relate to. All my life I have only had “friends” who made me feel that I was the “almost not a friend-friend”. Don’t get me wrong: I never had more than two “friends” at once but since 7th grade I basically have no friends. It sucks, and I lost most of my joy in everything. I do well at school due to the fact that I literally have got nothing to do with my time. I read into philosophy and political theory which are part of the school curriculum here (in Germany) but all of that either is kind of “too far away from me” or does not change my views. I like Camus and Sartre. I kind of feel like a negative version of “Antoine Roquentin”. I do not see why I live and why I should not simply die. Anyways I have no talent and no joy in writing or making anything public due to the fact that on reddit, tumblr etc nobody reads anything and people on the internet cannot replace friends. I’d kill myself if I had about 10% less hope…
    When I was young I cried at home after school. Nowadays I think it was due to feeling alone. But at that time I had “friends” ans moments of joy. I never thought I’d be asking for reasons not to commit suicide. Now all of my existence is a long sigh. It is the kind of sigh you make, when you are tired of somebody you do not like to hear (like a racist person) but you also cannot offend or confront with how much is wrong (with them) (like with a racist grandma at the hospital). Basically I live, because dying is absurd and has neither meaning nor perspective too. Anyone who got out of that “phase” (who is still alive)?

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I’m sorry you’re experiencing so much pain, isolation, and that “long sigh” you described so vividly. You obviously are very intelligent and thoughtful. The existential writers you admire are themselves people who survived that long sigh, despite their own philosophies to the contrary. Have you read Man’s Search for Meaning? (Perhaps it is a silly question to ask a German student of philosophy this?) The book provides an excellent perspective on how to survive suffering.

      I am glad you are asking about whether anyone got out of this phase alive. The fact that you’re asking that question suggests you realize that your situation and pain can be temporary. I hope you will remember that. What you feel now is not likely to be what you feel forever. Especially as you prepare to leave for college, where new experiences and opportunities will abound, many changes can happen.

      Regarding your painful emotions, I am wondering if you have spoken with a doctor or therapist. You might also be helped by accessing a hotline in your area or one of the many online resources out there, such as the email service provided by the suicide prevention group Samaritan: You can find information about one of Germany’s suicide hotlines here:

      For more ways to get help via hotlines, text, or email, please check out

      Good luck, “Antoine”!

  135. Anonymous says:

    hello I’m 19 I’m not sure what else to do no one want’s to listen to me anymore….

  136. Julie says:

    I was unwanted and unloved as a child. My own father was going to kill me when I was 12. Abandoned emotionally – always the one left out of family activities. Live with my son and his wife. They do things with her family. I am told to go places alone. If at a gathering with them and her family, I feel rejected as no one hardly talks to me. I am 68 and have no friends here. Can’t make any since they work all day then bowl or go to the gym and I watch the kids. By the time, they get home there is no place but bars to go to. He wants to take a trip to Fairbanks and I remarked that I would not be going since it would be him, his wife and three girls in the car. Told I could drive the other car there. My days are spent alone, with the dogs and cat or with the girls and animals. I want to take a dogsledding and snowshoeing tour as well as a sleigh ride; he says he’s busy yet can do things with her family. I am suppose to spend my time with strangers or alone. More than anything I want some cherished memories. I know how Robin Williams feel when he said the worst thing in life with spending time people who makes you feel all alone.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      Your words are so painful, as are the experiences and feelings that they describe. I hope you will consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). The counselors there can help you. Please also check out the resources listed on this site:

      Based on your comments, I gather that you are in Alaska. They have a hotline, too. You don’t need to be suicidal to call. The number is 1-877-266-4357 (HELP). You can learn more at

  137. girl in need says:

    how do u tell someone ur suicidal without it sounding bad

  138. Burdened says:

    I tried, I failed, I’m done. I’m tired of carrying this heavy burden of constant pain and self hate. I feel isolated in this constant battle, but that’s how I want it. I want to be left alone. But that’s the self of me that cannot cope. The other half of me is pleading and begging to stay alive and wants to survive. That’s my life now. Ever since my brothers suicide. He was my hero, I want to follow in his footsteps.

  139. Pierre says:

    The Peter Pan advice is no longer working

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Pierre, I’m not sure what you mean by Peter Pan advice, but if it’s something that would help and no longer is working, I hope you will seek help, whether from a friend or family member, a professional, a hotline, or whomever wherever else you choose. For starters, you might want to check out these resources:

  140. Steven says:

    I guess Im not sure where to turn, so here I am, on a message board. People say it’s good to talk to someone, even if no one reads it, maybe someone will, idk.
    I got a laundry list of issues. Im Bi Polar, I broke my tailbone in a car accident, I dont have any friends at all, I had a great gf but we finally broke up. She was the one friend I had, but that’s seems now gone.
    As for family, my dad was the “outcast” in his family, my mom was the “outcast-black sheep” in hers, so im disowned by default. I talked to my aunt one day, because my dad was dying, tried to be nice and say I love you and basically got,”ok put your dad on the phone.” She mostly talked to him just because he was dying. After his death, havent heard from her since. My moms side has no interest in talking to me. SO basically, I got no one there to talk too.
    Really I have my mom, which I guess, some people dont have anyone. We clash sometimes though but in the end we basically only have each other. If my mom ever dies, id be insanely lost.
    Im shy, so even when I work, Im like that guy who keeps to himself and just works. People say things get better, but it;s been this way for 10 years or longer now. Im awful at making friends. So I just got to the point where I dont even try/bother. Apparently I suck at relationships, so, again, I just stop trying and dont bother. SO I mostly stay alone. The one thing is I do atleast have hobbies, but they are all solo-hobbies so I have something to do while Im usually alone. Even at work, Im pretty much alone. I mean, usually Im okay with it, Im one of the rare ones who just finally accepts this is what it’s going to be. Sometimes I feel I deserved to be punished, and why, Im not sure. Ive never been in jail or even have a parking ticket, Ive never hurt anyone (Hard to do when you dont talk to anyone).
    I guess finally now it has gotten to me. I also was with someone for 2 years, and that ended recently, and I know how that is. Im realistic, I know atm Ill be sad and depressed about that, but I guess going back to realizing im alone again gets insanely overwhelming at times. I mean I do think it’s nice having SOMEONE to talk too. My mom and I are close but this is one thing I cant talk to her about. I also never call those hotlines in fear she might hear me calling them and get worried. So I’d sadly never call one. I stay with my mom because she’s disabled and she also doesnt have anyone.Id feel wrong just ditching her.
    So it’s been an easy 10-12 years and it rarely gets better. Every once in awhile I might have a good day, and id every month if I have 2 good days, that’s a good month.
    So in the end idk really what to do. Ive nearly accepted that I’m destined to be alone. I rarely sleep but lately all I want to do is sleep. I hate sleep but now that’s like the highlight of the day. I get disappointed when I have to wake up, and I read that’s a bad sign. Also im not eating really that much atm.
    Well this has went on way too long. Sorry for venting and wasting anyones time if i did I am very sorry.

    • Catherine R says:

      You did not waste anyones time. I suffer with the same thing. It has been years and years, I am a single parent and I need to keep myself here for my children, but I know they will get older and I will truly be alone. Not much family – at least none that appear to care – no where to turn – no one to talk to – and yes the kids listen to everything so I couldnt call anywhere either. I just get up each day and wish it were over. I can barely sleep, I am up most of the night. I sleep for a few hours in the morning and then I wake up feeling like I just wish it were over again.
      I try and try and try to have a positive outlook, but nothing ever changes. I read these boards in the hopes that I can get some balance knowing I am not alone. It gives me the courage to keep going. Knowing there are people like you in the same place gives me the courage to not just walk away, to not just ditch my responsibilities that overwhelm me. So, Thank you for venting. It was no waste of time.

    • Anonymous says:

      Sorry steven

  141. Anonymous says:

    From how I feel I don’t hav none of dat nd ive been feeling like dis all my life nd da pain juz won’t go away………..I juz want da pain to stop…… if I stop da pain stops…….

  142. Anonymous says:

    I feel like its getting worse for me. I dont take the bus home anymore I just walk home while listening to my ipod day dreaming. Im to afraid to actually commit suicide because of the pain before I die. My grandfather bought a gun after his place got robbed and after hearing that, my mind started racing thinking if I can finally do it. It would be so quick, but then I’d feel sick from the anxiety

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      It’s clear that you are very ambivalent. From your words above, I can see that you are afraid to die by suicide, afraid of the pain, and afraid of the anxiety.

      Please consider reaching out for help. If you are in North America, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK).

      You can also find many other resources, some by phone, some by email, some by text, etc., here:

      Good luck to you!

  143. Manisha says:

    I really dont know who u r but ur things is very nice ….when I was in bad mood..I was fully getting demotivated but now Im not getting demotivated….only be happy …thank u to encourage Me ….

  144. sam says:

    if you killed your self and you are a believer you to hell or heaven i need clear answer
    just one word ? hell or heaven

    • David Newman says:

      Hi Sam.. I hope you get this,, not too sure how it works.. First of all, I am a Christian also,, and have suffered severe depression with my bipolar… and I have attempted suicide , more than once.. I obviously was not successful.. Certainly at the time ,, I felt hopeless.. that lack of hope I think is what brings us to that point…certainly unworthyness.. self hate were big too…

      Looking back I can see I was very fortunate,, I was not successful.. It is not so much as to hell or heaven. it is to whether you will believe in Christ as your saviour .. if you are a Christian.. than you should be…
      Know that He does answer pray (the Father).. but it can seem like you are going unheard as nothing SEEMS to change… When the Father answers prayers brought to Him in His Son’s Name,, He knows better than we as to what we need and where He wants us to go .. what He has planned… But frre will is ours… so you can escape in death.. but sacrifice Life after death.. or atleast tempt the chance of it.. I do not know God’s plan for you ,, doubt you do either.,, but if you commit suicide , then you can’t help others with your story, nor share Jesus with others… and that is primarily what we are to do for the Love of God.. We are to Love God, in all that we do.. so I ask you …. do you Love God,, is there a chance there is something you are being called to do in this life??? He will judge you,, as He judges EVERYONE,,

      Perhaps you need to ask yourself,, what can I do to ensure that I get into heaven… ?
      Certainly loving God , acknowledging that Jesus is God’s Son and that He died on the cross for YOUR sins and MINE… do you want to add to this burden of sin by killing yourself,, Surely you have things to offer to God to show your Love for Him… but you have to be here to find out what it is you can do… It may not be clear at this time… but loving Him,, learning about Him … Pray for answers… I don’t think suicide will be the answer.. you are too important to God to die by your own hand…

      I hope that helps,, I pray for you… Your response to what put on me to share with you…

      If you need to talk , chat.. look me up on Facebook… k, david newman PeAcE

    • Catherine says:

      Heaven Sam, only Heaven.

  145. NONAME says:

    I have health issues,mental health issues,and chronic pain,as someone that was a victim of sexual & physical child abuse a ward of the State of Va. & the Foster Care System also I was the witness to physical child abuse to my younger sibling,to only be reunited with a mentally challenged Mom & a Bully for a StepDad,my childhood was hell so as most do,i turned to drugs and alcohol for years to cope,the only reason i haven’t followed through as of yet is im afraid id botch the attempt,and the Haven/Hell thing,although id like to think those that have been sexually/mentally & physically abused starting at age 3,would get a free pass,ive tried to adapt,overcome,ive gotten clean,ive sought counseling,ive taking a ton of different physiological meds and mood stabilizers,this chronic depression combined with the chronic pain is beyond overwhelming,im not weak,my problem is ive been strong for far to long………. I wanted to share but i do not want my name known….. know this to anyone who may read,im still in the fight,and im truly trying,and im here not attempting my demise, so im saying im hopless but still holding out for hopeful… </3……

    • stan says:

      Totally understand where you are me to from 7 year old 2 men. My sister too. Im a 45 year old guy now living in hell have battled years but always put a face on, well im struggling to cope now my anger is out. Im ruin my life and those around with my actions. I am trying to seek help just gone bk to GP but im feeling as though I need to get these thoughts out of my head. I only get peace when im asleep. But so scared of surving if I attempt it. Im so sad as I write this because I do want to smile but the thoughts in my head and massive pain is driving me mad. Ive become so negative. I never asked to be sexually abused have just had to bear the pain all these yrs. I really dont think I can.

  146. alex a says:

    The only reason I can justify living is to play video games, and even that is becoming less and less distracting I feel like just packing up and taking a long walk by a lake that i can drown myself in at a moments notice

  147. Anonymous says:

    what if you have no family, no children, no one on earth to care for you and many chances that no one ever will? What can be a reason to keep going?

  148. Anonymous says:

    My wife read this because i found it on her phone but what’s the point because she’s gone now and I’m lost

  149. no one important says:

    reading this really helped me. particularly thinking of what i would say to people i care about if they presented me with the same reasons to die that i give myself.

  150. Anonymous says:

    How can I be unhappy without being suicidal I just don’t want to be happy. I’ve found myself stuck with a curse that every time I become happy with another person ie. friends, family, and my first and only love that the universe or God decides to take them away. I’m so sick and tired of feeling up one month a year maybe and falling straight on my face because I’m not allowed to be happy. I Believed in karma good things happen to good people well I was nothing but good to all these people and they decided to leave or Christians say that God takes the people out of your life because they weren’t good to you that is bull because they made me happy really happy and I made them happy. I can’t do this anymore I want an answer how to force yourself to be happy withy trying to be happy. I NEED HELP.

  151. belle says:

    At 20 years old I’ve been anorexic and bulimic for 11 years, curing for 9 years, and have attempted suicide at least 6 times. Now more than ever it seems like there will never be an end to the pain. I’ve been emotionally abused, beaten down, brought up with no support from my family who have ridiculously high expectations from me, and am constantly being bleed dry of money while being treated like a child by my overwhelmingly smothering mom. Also being bipolar type 1 i know this suffering will be a lifelong battle and it’s not worth it anymore. I’ve run out of reasons to stay alive. I know I don’t have it as bad as some people and I’m still young but I just can’t handle the fights I have with myself on a daily basis. Puking starving cutting crying and going to work with a fake smile every day? It’s absolutely exhausting. And I’m tired of it.

    • someone says:

      Finish school and move away, your a beautiful person , sending prayers.

    • Shankar says:

      It is your choice to kill yourself or to allow yourself a chance to live till the natural end of body. With body or without body you are going to live. It is not possible to kill yourself. You can only destroy your body not ‘self’. Those who kill their bodies realise it in a very painful way. I am not talking about physical pain that you inflict your body but your ‘self’ goes though pain of having lost a chance of all the experiences that you could have acquired being in this body. One acquires body of a human after a lot of good karma. The body is a temple where ‘self’ resides. Destroying your temple means nothing because ‘self’ is indestructible. Taking birth and living though it has only one purpose and that is to search ‘your purpose’. Trust me you just feel isolated, nothing more. I can feel you and so can everyone who knows you. For the sake of all of us who realise how important your staying alive is …. please allow yourself chance to stay in this body. Your experiences and feelings is precious. Decide to live and see the miracle unfold. Decide to live through all ups and downs. Decide to smile in the worst situations. Decide to LIVE!

    • Addict says:

      I can’t imagine going through all of that and I feel horrible that a young girl my my age feels this way about life. I wish things would just get better for people like us because its not our fault. I can’t say I know where you are coming from, but I also feel like life just isn’t worth living anymore. I’ve been told how smart I am and how much potential I have my whole life, but even if that is true that still doesn’t make life worth living. I have always been incredibly socially awkward, and as time went on I just kept losing friends until I really didn’t have any. Humans are social animals so when you start losing your social life, your mental health suffers. Once you become someone like me who has no friends or really anyone to talk to, you will most likely become profoundly depressed. At that point, the only source of joy for most people is drugs. So that’s what I used. First, I tried meth at the age of 15 and was hooked for a while. Then I quit when I was 17 for a while to become a drunk until age 18 when I first used heroin, (the whole time since age 15 I smoked heaps of weed, but I don’t really consider that a drug). Now I’m a 20 yr old heroin addict trying to quit but now I feel like the only time I’m ever happy or feel remotely good is when I’m high or sleeping. Drugs and sleeping are the only two things I really live for and I’m an insomniac so I need drugs to even sleep. I’m sorry for posting my life story, but at this point I feel like I screwed myself up too much and this is the way I’m going to be for the rest of my miserable life. I’ve also been such a huge burden on my poor family who are all wonderful people. I just want to get high one last time then cook up a huge shot and go to sleep forever. I know everyone would be better off if I was gone. Again, sorry for posting a whole novel. It just sucks seeing a girl my age struggling and I just wish things could get better for you. I wish things could get better for everyone.

  152. R. says:

    1- I got infected with HIV from a boyfriend – he did it, as he told me, on purpose.
    2- I left a very good Engineering job that I didnt like for a start-up. That ruined my career. I´m now left with no career choices. Sent out over 30 applications, got only 2 interviews and failed both.
    3- Im running out of money and my family told me they wont allow me to move back home. They dont care if I land on the streets.
    4- I cant remember the last time I received a phone call or text message, regardless from whom.
    5- Got so very sad that I started doing cocaine. I dont consider myself a full blown addict, but that only made bad things worse.
    6- I came from a poor family and worked all my way up to graduate at a great university, became a polyglot, amassed a lot of international experience, made money, etc. Now I lost EVERYTHING. Im 32. The gold times, when I took my parents and sisters to Europe to travel are gone. Now they, except for my dad, never even bother to give me a call.
    7- I played with God. He offered me hope several times, and I played with his mercy. I was a d@#$. What I did to God, not leaving my homessexual lifestyle, lying to my dad about it, trusting my own abilities – what I did just cannot be forgiven.

    To summarize, what Im going through hell. When I look at my phone, there is not a single person I can turn to for help. NO ONE. My last hope was applying to an MBA in the US. Spent US$6k dollars on consulting fees plus US$1k in application fees. The schools refused me after the interview. Im having nightmares. I cant believe I got into the completely hopeless situation. No options left. Full of regret. Money running out. No one to turn to. Doing cocaine to alleviate the pain. Oh my god. To think I speak 6 languages, scored 740 on GMAT, have worked in 4 countries in challeging jobs, contributed to my university. Oh my God, what happened to me??

    Ill give you a medal you can find ONE (just one!) convincing reason I should not kill myself. Except that Ill probably go to hell.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’ve tried to commit suicide but I overcame it, now my reason not to do it is that I don’t want to be a vegetable or in a coma which would make it worse on my family especially my mother everyday is a battle but it becomes easier to live each day now, GOOD LUCK…

    • tapati says:

      R., I can understand that you are feeling overwhelmed by your list and it seems to you that none of the things you listed can be dealt with, improved or changed. I know when I’ve been suicidal (and I made two attempts in the 90s) I had a very pessimistic view of some serious problems I faced and some people who were judging me harshly made it worse. I imagined the worst possible outcomes and so I decided to kill myself. I can tell you that I was lucky to survive and that NONE of the things I imagined would happen to me actually happened. Things turned out much better than I imagined and within a year I met my life partner and a few years later enjoyed the birth of my first grandchild. Indeed, I would say that some of the most joyful moments of my life came AFTER my suicide attempts.

      I’m not going to tell you that your problems are a piece of cake. I am saying that it might be more possible to deal with them than you are imagining right now. For instance, HIV is very serious. I have a friend who works at our local AIDS support services non-profit. They give a lot of help in our town to people with HIV, including temporary housing, monthly cash aid for medicines and so on. People are managing to live longer lives with the medicines they have now.

      You were brave and took a risk to start a business. (That kind of courage and ability to take risks can be a great asset in your life, not a flaw!) It is not at all uncommon for businesses to fail. Many learn lessons from one failed business and eventually succeed with another. If you want to return to your former line of employment, perhaps a new city is the answer. This is where the AIDS organizations may help. Research cities and see if there is one that, like mine, offers temporary housing and if you can get into it. Then use that as a base for your job search. Maybe you can pick up some translating or interpreting work with your language skills in the short term. Even volunteering your services might lead to a job or contacts that could point you towards one.

      On the bright side, you are only 32 and have lots of time to rebuild your life. You had the ability to get out of poverty once; you can do it again. You have the ability to persevere if you can plug into it. You also say you aren’t actually addicted to cocaine, so you CAN stop. That’s also great news!

      Regarding your orientation, I wonder how much that is affecting your will to live. It sounds like you have judged yourself harshly and that perhaps your parents or at least your Dad haven’t approved. That is not the same thing as God condemning you harshly. Not all Christians condemn LGBT folks and there are some lovely churches you could check out that could give you a different perspective and help you feel more connected to God. Your parents may be angry with you to some degree or another and that isn’t at all the same thing as their being ok with you killing yourself. I am betting they’d be devastated and would blame themselves.

      I’d love to see you make an alternate list of your many strengths–intelligence, ability to learn, determination, knowledge, education, courage–and see the two lists side by side. You have a lot of internal resources and yet depression is lying to you and telling you that you have nothing.

      I am rooting for you because I think we need more people like you in the world. I think that your most joyful moments may, like mine, still lie in your future. Give yourself a chance to have them.

    • Anonymous says:

      As a mom who lost a 18 yr old to suicide and came home to find him the way i did i have a reason for you ready? Because its not your time yet to go you are worth more than you realize you have to move forward for you,please please dont give up i have been to the top and at the very bottom and i wanted to die as well when my Matthew chose to leave me here stuxk with a broken heart and a void so big nothing has filled it please i beg you just hang on. I dont believe in hell,here on earth is hell we must endure because tomorrow is a brand new start

    • Anonymous says:

      R., I am so sorry that you are in so much pain right now. Perhaps the best reason I can give you for not killing yourself, is to tell you why I am so glad that I did not kill myself when I attempted suicide in 2012.

      In 2012, I was in a psychiatric hospital for the 27th time, for depression, in less than 10 years. I was considered permanently and completely disabled, and I felt like a black hole had completely swallowed my life. Perhaps you know the feeling. Several people in the mental health field had recently told me point-blank that “you are a drain on society”, with one actually telling me I should go ahead and kill myself if I was feeling suicidal. This did not help me or make things any easier; rather, I felt more alienated and alone than ever. The part of me that was fighting to live got a little weaker with each cruel comment. There was one day in the hospital that the treating psychiatrist suggested I could relocate to a state psychiatric hospital where I would live the rest of my miserable life, even suggesting that perhaps I could be buried in the hospital’s cemetary. That same day my family was unable to visit, and when I tried calling friends they were all unavailable. I saw, or thought that I saw, that I was nothing but a burden to people surrounding me and that I no longer had anything meaningful to contribute to the world. I felt an unbearable weight on my chest, and resolved to die.

      The hospital I was in took pains to prevent people from hanging themselves, and so I tried to strangle myself instead. I was completely unprepared for the violence of the act I was committing — my entire body seized in an effort to obtain air, and my heart beat unbelievably hard in an effort to bring oxygen to my brain. No matter how suicidal I was, my body did NOT want to die. And yet I struggled for 30 minutes, trying to find a way to close off that last bit of access I had to circulation or air. After 30 minutes (I wore a watch, expecting that I would lose consciousness within just a few minutes) I gave up, and after removing the device mercifully lost consciousness and did not awaken until the morning.

      I truly believe the cliche phrase, “The darkest hour is just before the dawn”. With that night being the darkest hour of my life, things have improved dramatically. When I woke the next morning, I awoke glad to be alive. I was badly bruised and terribly ashamed of what I had done. I tried to take a human life, and to address point 7 on your list, a God that can forgive forgive me has more than enough power to forgive you, too. I found myself able to think a little more clearly, and realized that my friends were not rejecting me the previous night. They were busy living their lives, and did not understand how badly I needed them. I realized that the hospital staff were treating me abusively and that I could report them for doing so, but only if I was alive.

      Less than a year later I was diagnosed with a genetic medical condition which, among a few hundred other things, frequently causes Vitamin D deficiency. I had requested Vitamin D tests from doctors before, but was laughed off and told to take a multivitamin. It turned out, though, that I did in fact have a severe deficiency. Under the care of a medical doctor I am now taking high-dose Vitamin D, and once my level of D3 went up to about 40, the chronic suicidal thoughts that had plagued me for over a decade vanished like a fog clearing on a sunny morning. There are multiple causes of depression and suicidal ideation, and certainly Vitamin D deficiency is not to blame in every case. Nevertheless it did have a profound impact on my depression, and so perhaps this information can give at least one other person hope.

      Since my suicide attempt, I have had the opportunity to get to know my nephew, and meet my wonderful niece. I have laughed until I cried. I have helped other people. I have maintained friendships, cut hurtful people out of my life, and made new friends. I am still disabled, and in spite of a radical change in my depression it is still part of my life. I do not have the life I once dreamed I would have, but I have a life and I cherish it. Things got better. I am also 32 years old.

      That is enough talking about me now; it looks like you listed several reasons why you want to commit suicide. I don’t want to invalidate any of your suffering, but I do want to let you know that I read your post carefully, and I care deeply that you are hurting. I will try to comment some on each point you list.

      1. What a horrible thing for one person to do to another. You don’t mention whether or not you are in, or have ever sought, treatment for the emotional impact such a vicious attack leaves. Whether the enounter was consentual or not, intentionally infecting someone with HIV is assault. I hope you are in treatment for HIV infection. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this.

      2. I had a career carefully planned out for myself in childhood, and mine didn’t work out either. It is a horrible feeling to go from secure in your plans for the future, to feeling so horribly insecure. All I can say in terms of hope, is that many people begin new careers quite late in life. “No career choices” sounds like distorted thinking to me (can you tell I’ve had years of therapy?). Rejection is intensely painful, especially if you are already depressed. No job offers with over 30 applications sent has to be depressing in and of itself. And yet, that next application might lead to a wonderful job.

      3. I am so sorry about your financial difficulties, and the rejection by your family. I don’t know where you live, but in many places there are resources for people in similar situations to keep you from being homeless.

      4. Isolation is very painful, and I have gone through periods where people don’t contact me. I have called crisis hotlines before, just to hear a human voice.

      5. Adding cocaine in the mix does make a bad situation worse, but that does not make the situation unsolvable. Treatment for cocaine addiction is available, whether you are a full-blown addict or not. Looking for something to ease your pain does not make you a bad person.

      6. It sounds like you are a very intelligent person, and hardworking. Those are both wonderful qualities which will survive any depressive episode. The ending of a good season in life does not mean that there are no more good seasons in store for you.

      7. I presume you are referring to the God of the Christian Bible, though of course I could be wrong. Maintaining that assumption, there is absolutely nothing you can do wrong that cannot be forgiven. His Mercies are new every morning, and it is always His desire to have a relationship with you. That is why He sent His Son to die for the sins of the world, so that each of us can live with Him. There is not a single verse in the Bible listing a sin which cannot be forgiven.

    • R. says:

      Hi there, thank you so much for your words. I seriously did not expect to see so many answers to my post. I would love to meet you all or have the chance to skype or something. Too bad that this website doesnt offer the option to connect to people.

      I will try my best to turn my life around before ending it all. I will keep you guys posted.

      thanks again


    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      R., I have been deeply moved both by your comment and others’ responses. I don’t have time to fully respond now, but I want to let you know that this site has a Facebook page at Please feel free to drop in and interact with folks there, if you’d like!

    • R. says:

      Hi Stacey. I loved the responses and how people take their time to share their experience. Facebook doesnt sound like a good idea to me – too much exposure. It´d be great if you offered a way to connect people some other way (whatsapp groups, skype, etc.) Thanks again!

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      That’s a good point, R. You’re not anonymous on Facebook. However…although this is against this rules, I do know that some people create alternate accounts with a false identity for this very purpose, to be able to communicate anonymously about sensitive topics such as suicidal thoughts or substance use. But if Facebook discovers that a person has more than one account, than they can cancel all of them.

      Well, in the meantime, I’m so grateful that you liked seeing others’ responses and experiences. I hope they are of help to you as you go through these hard times!

    • Rebecca says:

      R., I can’t believe how well I relate to your post. Some of our circumstances are different (although just as difficult), but where we align is that I also lost my engineering career and post-doctoral candidacy (due to depression), and now I’m facing lifelong poverty with no one to help me. I can’t get my career off the ground, and I feel completely isolated and hopeless. I can’t believe how far I’ve fallen and that things have turned out this way for me.

      I have other circumstances that are compounding my already bad situation (I don’t feel comfortable stating them here), and I came to this article for the same reason that you did, but then I found you… I really hope that you’re still here. While I’ve never met you, I see so much of myself in what you’re going through and the way that you feel, and I really hope that you don’t give up. You’re clearly intelligent and just on the basis of what you wrote, I truly believe in you and your ability to turn things around. I believe in you like I believe in myself. I’d feel so sad to know that you gave up when you still had so much promise and so much to offer. I care because I know how you feel. I really hope you respond to this…

    • R. says:

      Hi Rebecca and everybody,

      Thank for all your messages – its great to be able to speak out and be heard somewhere in the world.

      I think some replies didnt go through, Im not so keen to rewrite the responses But Id love to talk with all those who are interested in mutual encouragement.

      Rebecca, I dont know what to say to you. Im so very sorry and I hope that you can turn things around and tell us about it. Are you sure that you cannot reapply to your doctorship? It always amazes me how its hard to get second chances in this world. Id like to talk to you if you want.

      my very best regards to all of you

    • Cecilia says:

      This might sound very cheesy, but you sound like you have a lot to offer the world. I mean seriously, you can speak 6 languages fluently! You scored 740 on your GMAT! Someone with skills like that shouldn’t just take their own life. And also, just because you have been successful in the past doesn’t mean you can’t be successful again. Maybe you haven’t even reached the high point of your life yet. You never really know. You’re still young; you’re only 32. Just think, you’re just barely out of your 20s! You have a lot more years left fore success. And with the HIV, I honestly know how you feel. I’m going through a similar situation, the only difference is that I have a different disease and that I’m only 15 years old. Thousands of people around the world have HIV and can still live a successful life. And just forget about the awful, terrible, despicable man who gave you the disease. He is nothing but a low life who doesn’t even deserve the time of day. My only wish is that you continue to live, and that you keep your hopes up. Do whatever you can to get money; apply for unemployment, apply for financial aid, anything helps. Just based off of what you had said in your post, I know that you have much to offer this world. Your time will come again, even if at times you are alone in your journey. Keep your head up and don’t forget your worth!

    • Anonymous says:

      At the end of the game, the king and the pawn both go back into the same box. Don’t compare your old self to your new self, or anyone else; this is what is causing your pain. Better days are just ahead my friend.

    • maedot says:

      I am second language spraker y
      Advice may not make sense to me. Inur 32 years yyoung life u have accomplished some only dream of. U are brilliant young and full of future.I fcamr from third world countries people who are living with HIV AIDS are now living a better meaningful life time has changed. U have Better health care access than them pls do not do it what ever u do on the past Christ died for u he will never forget or forsaken u pls trust and wait still pls

    • Shankar says:

      Just decide to live! You are here because of your own decisions. Right! Now, stop blaming yourself….. all you did because of your innocence. You always were a good person and just because your body is going to die may be 30 years before usual life time-span does not mean anything unusual. Many people take birth and spend their lives only dreaming of all that you have already achieved. You have already lived life of a successful person. You have enjoyed life and what you want is more more and more for self. Don’t you think you are so brave that you chose to live life of your dreams. You believed in God and he allowed you to fall in the pit. So, open your eyes to reality. You are the ‘self’ who will live ‘with body’ and ‘without body’. Stay cool…. meet other HIVs who need assistance. Do things to help others, ‘not for money’.

    • nobody says:

      hey im going through something like you and needing help you can talk to me if you want email me at and kik me at bevva anything i need help and so do you and we can both help eachother.

    • Anonymous says:

      I feel your pain. Living is hell. Hope things get better for you cuz I gave ip on me.

    • Anonymous says:

      God is not real. The bible is a fairy-tale. Y’know it tells you not to eat shrimp and pigs too, right? There is nothing wrong with being gay. As for money, it comes and goes. Just keep trying.

  153. David says:

    I have made several attempts. this is over 40y with bipolar. The fear of never getting better.. likely worse after trying ects ..about 200 now… every drug avail. or research group I could participate in.. after getting a bit better was offset by the years of hitting that slippery slope..knowing one is on the way down… man that is scary ..
    When suicidal thoughts. plans appear… well it can be after a long time of sadness..
    This is why I am so angry at the hesitation of administering sKetamine .. this is NOT your club drug.. it does NOT lead to addiction… the drug is given in very low doses , does not generate halucinations as does the club version at higher amounts…
    Why when the research points to a RAPID relief… it is avail.. Go ahead with modifications or aberations of it.. but how many could be helped today,, right now… so sad…

    My heart goes out to anyone at the edge now,,,

  154. Joanne says:

    I don’t want to die. Money is my problem. I soon my be living under the via duct and would rather die. Age is a factor for a job that pays good wages. Now what?

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      It must be overwhelmingly painful and frightening to struggle financially and face homelessness. I am wondering if you’ve fully explored the resources in your area that are available to people who need emergency assistance, job retraining, housing for low-income people, and the like. If you are in North America, please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). They can connect you to a local hotline that has listings of agencies that provide assistance in such situations.

  155. Frances says:

    I know that there is light eventually, but Iit won’t be there for me. You don’t get it the way suicidal people do. I have spoken back to my voices. It just gets worse. Hope is gone.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Frances, it is terribly sad that you feel such pain and hopelessness. You say I “don’t get it the way suicidal people do.” What might you say to the many, many people who themselves felt severely suicidal and now are grateful to be alive? They “get it,” yet they also would urge you to get help and do everything possible to try to stay alive.

      An excellent book by such a suicide survivor is This is How It Feels, by Craig Miller. The author tried very hard to die and was hospitalized multiple times. And now, he is active in the suicide prevention movement, reaching out to others who struggle as he did and providing them with his understanding and hope. If you are so inclined, I highly recommend reading the book and being open to its message.

      There are many other such books, too, and many other survivors of suicide attempts who made it through to the other side and who have valuable experiences to share.

    • Frances says:

      Thank you. I am happy you care.

  156. Debbie says:

    I’m so grateful for this website. I struggle frequently with intense suicidal thoughts and even though I am on medication, I am in therapy, it is still so helpful to read through this list and strengthen my hope.
    Thank you so much. It’s so wonderfully written. So compassionate and validating, but also still mentions some very confronting issues.
    Truly wonderful. Thank you.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      What kind words, and what wonderful feedback to receive. Thank you for sharing.

      I’m sorry that you experience intense suicidal thoughts. I hope you will continue to receive whatever help you need and to be receptive to messages of hope and change!

  157. Chuck C says:

    Are there any resources avalible from professionals who have had success helping persons with long term reacuring major depression? I’ve been through all the therapy’s, treatments, medications, journaling, meditation, exercising, trying to find some interest in something, trying to find enjoyment in something. Plus many many others encluding positive thinking, positive feeling ( some may refer to them as disidentifing with negative thought and/or feelings)

    So you see I know what I’m talking about.

    So I ask again. “Are there any resources avalible from professionals who have had success helping persons with long term reacuring major depression?

    Per my experience I have yet to find one. Many say ” Yes I have had many years successfully treating persons with depression”. Pin them down, make them answer my question above and their answer will be quite different.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I am not sure I understand your question. Are you seeking referrals to professionals who have successfully treated people with treatment-resistant depression, or are you seeking to know what resources such practitioners use?

  158. ShiroYakashi says:

    right now i really want to kill myself. Even through im getting B’s in school im getting alot of unsatisfaction from my parents. theyre pressuring me so much and i just cant take it anymore. constant pain of hearing them saying you need to improve. I got so mad i also hit my mom. i know youll say suicide is not the answer but i really want to just end it all

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      You are right, I don’t think suicide is the answer, but that is not a meaningful response to you. Perhaps what will be more meaningful is to tell you I understand, and I empathize. It must be so painful to relentlessly get the message that can sound as though you are not good enough. You must have been overwhelmed with emotion to have hit your mom. I imagine it feels like there is no escape from your pain besides ending it all. I don’t think it is surprising at all to consider suicide in the face of such pain and overwhelm.

      That said, I do think it is easy to get tricked into thinking that the pain and overwhelm you are experiencing now will last forever, when you really can’t know that. Are there other options besides killing yourself? Is your family in family therapy? That could help. Is there someone you can talk to in complete honesty about what you are going through, like a friend, teacher, therapist, aunt, etc? Are there things you can do or tell yourself to soften the blow of the criticism you hear or to distract yourself from it?

      Those are just a few possibilities. If you are in the U.S., I recommend calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) to talk this through with someone else, and to get some resources in your area. Please also check out the Resources tab on this site for ways you can get help by text, email, and chat.

      Good luck to you!

  159. Beth says:

    I am a suicide attempt survivor. In December of 2005, I shot myself in the head. I am now blind in one eye, and I had to have the roof of my mouth rebuilt. Today, I have attended several years of DBT, I am on meds, and I have a great social support system. Last year, I became a certified Peer Support Specialist/Counselor. I now work with people like me. I have learned I have something that people want; so I share it as much as possible. Life DOES get better after death, as I say. Keep plugging away, keep your faith and that light at the end of the tunnel we are convinced is a freight train; well, you will soon find out it is really the light of hope.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Beth, what a gift of hope you give you to others, by showing that even though you wanted to die so badly that you shot yourself in the head, and even though you endured extreme suffering and vision loss as a result, your life still got better. Not only that, it also sounds like you’ve found great meaning and purpose in your life, along with great hope.

      I am so sorry for all you have gone through, and so grateful for the way you have used that pain to help others, and yourself.

      Thank you for writing here! Based on your comment, I imagine you are an excellent Peer Support Specialist/Counselor. Many people adamantly believe life absolutely can never get better. You have lived to tell otherwise.

  160. alma says:

    I believe everyone has the right to commit suicide.I’ve been thinking about suicide since I was 14.Now i’m 31 and not a day goes by that i don’t wonder why I haven’t done it yet.Had I killed myself at 14,I would have been spared all the subsequent nonsense in my life.I also got tired of hoping for things to get better,since they never have and never will.They only got worse.Why are we being brainwashed into thinking life is worth keeping?I was born without my consent,why should’t I have the right to end this life that I have never asked for?What’s so great about being alive?I should perhaps mention I’m an atheist,of course it’s different for people who think that suicide will lead them straight in hell.At the end of the day,there’s no reason why people should have to explain or justify their decision to put an end to their meaningless life.Nor is there a reason why they should be judged and treated like they’re non compos.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Hi Alma, thanks for sharing your experience. I can’t help but wonder what pain, illness, depression, crisis, or other trauma you have experienced to long so fiercely for suicide. I felt sad reading your words. I’m sorry if my words make it sound like I consider you to be non compos mentis. Of course I cannot know such a thing, especially not from a brief comment on an Internet site, and it is not my intent to convey otherwise.

      You ask excellent questions. My own very quick response to your question “Why are we being brainwashed into thinking life is worth keeping?” is because our biological instinct is to live. Every cell in our body is programmed for our survival. So if the brain itself goes against the survival instinct, it makes sense that something is wrong.

      Many people disagree with me, I know. They say that suicidal wishes are not a symptom or a sign of anything being wrong, that even somebody in the best of mental health can rationally want to die. Perhaps. But I have seen many people who said similar statements as you do above and who later felt completely differently. They lived, and they are happy to have done so, even amid the frequent unhappiness that life imposes. Those people are part of the reason why I am passionate about suicide prevention.

      You don’t say whether you have received any professional help or tried any medication. Perhaps you feel it is not necessary. Suicidal thoughts can be tricky that way – sometimes they convince the person they are truth, so why do anything about them?

      If you decide you do want to talk to somebody, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). They can connect you to resources in your area, if you are in the U.S. You can also find other places to connect with somebody by phone, text, chat, or email at another page on this site:

    • Arash says:

      “I believe people can change, but only for the worse.”

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Arash, this has not been my experience. I find that life continually gives us opportunities to learn, grow, and improve – whether we like it or not. This is both a blessing and a curse!

    • Ann says:

      I agree, people should have the right to suicide. It is a decision that an individual should have the right to make.People have the right to a Advanced Directive. So, if someone is suffering from a mental illness why do they not have the choice to end there life?

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      You are not alone in asking that question. I previously have written a response to such questions in my post “If Someone’s Life is So Awful that They Want to Die, Why Stop Them?”

  161. Laura B says:

    i feel like all of these things are just the same (no offense) but in reality these don’t matter most of us just think that you writers are just a bunch of do gooders (i don’t think that) and that you don’t really care. because you don’t know us and our situations and how hard it really is to internally or externally debate with yourself trying to decide if living one more day will make a difference. and for a lot of us the side that just wants it to end wins. no matter what you do or read, and a lot of us know that so most of us don’t even try and get help

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Laura, you describe very well the states of helplessness, hopelessness, and ambivalence that can go hand in hand with suicidal thoughts. It can be hard to seek help when a big part of oneself is saying that seeking help will do no good, or that one doesn’t deserve help, etc.

      I am intrigued by your comment that writers who support suicide prevention “don’t know us and our situations and how hard it really is to internally or externally debate with yourself trying to decide if living one more day will make a difference.” This portrays an us/them mentality, as if one can’t be both “us” and “them.” Many writers who support suicide prevention are in the field precisely because they have survived the harrowing internal debate between life and death. Kevin Hines is an excellent example; he survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, and he has been dedicated to suicide prevention ever since.

      I say this only to try to dissuade you from dismissing writers out of hand, as if they have no insights or experiences to draw from when they write. Indeed, many people who thought they couldn’t be helped were in fact helped. Maybe you can be one of them, too!

  162. sheley a says:

    What if you lost all the hope that your life will get better

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Sheley, what a painful place to be. Yet feeling hopeless does not mean that you truly are hopeless. Hopelessness is a feeling, not a fact.

      Many things can cause feelings of hopelessness, depression being perhaps the most common. Depression causes people to view the world with a negative filter, one that blocks out reasons for hope.

      I hope you will consider the possibility that losing hope that your life will get better does not mean that your life will never get better. Honestly, although you feel hopeless, how can you know what lies ahead?

  163. In pain says:

    More should be said about PTSD and its effects on ones brain, when I was 14 I stole a car drunk, later on 12 hours I steal a van, after a few miles a chase ensued, thinking with some Dukes of Hazard move I could get away, mentality of a child, huge wreck, officer dies, I grow up in a youth center, tormented, no services, after all my crime, I am 41, disabled, due to the effects I can’t funtion, my children hate me, I have an illness I am ashamed of, I am a black sheep, everyone’s opinion is look at who u leave behind, here’s my question, how much does a person have to live thru when he becomes lost in the system, to beat all that, i hear damn voices in my head that I deserve to hang and burn for what I have done, those words r imprinted in my head from the court room, maybe they’re all right, don’t let others get lost in the system no matter their childhood, everyone can be helped when they’re young, it’s too late for me, but I am at peace with that now, my purposes was to tell my story, we need to help the children, they are our future, due to the system the adults get lost and become just another number, someone checks u in, then u hear next, what happened to hi, know a name, notice the look in someone’s eyes, I am just another statistic

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “In Pain,” what a heartbreaking comment about what you did, what you have endured, what you feel.

      I understand your guilt must be enormous. Almost 30 years have passed since that terrible night. Can you forgive yourself?

      You want to die. But can you do more good for others alive or dead?

      Can you advocate for children, as you have done here? Can you advocate for adults? Can you in some way help out another teen who lands in youth detention and feels hopeless, afraid, and abandoned?

      You did not receive the death penalty for what you did. Why are you going to impose it on yourself?

      Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.TALK (8255). Or try one of the resources listed here.

      Based on what you wrote above, I believe you can do more good in your life. I believe you can feel better. I hope you do, too.

  164. joshua says:

    Ive been contemplating suicide since late 2012. It started coming back from afghanistan right away really but I was able to cope briefly through alcohol and partying with buddies. But when that died out and I didnt have much of an outlet I turned to excessive physical training which helped until I ended up hurting myself training. I was prescribed medicine that I couldnt drink while taking and unable to excercise and losing interest in going out with friends things started to sink in more and more.

    I had insomnia and nightmares when I could get a couple hours. I often woke up abruptly in a panic or sometimes unable to physically move. Bad memories always lingering, always tired, and no family to turn to I seriously thought about just ending things. My medical officer had me see a psychiatrist once a month who seemed to toss pills at me like candy. None seemed to help. I saw a psychologist every week then every other week. Things didnt get any better however they didnt get any worse too. The hits kept coming though including my elder brother committing suicide himself and a little brother looking to me for comfort but at that point it was hard to feel anything at all.

    I fought to get out of the military without being medically held convinced once I was out and surrounded with family with a new environment that i’d be fine. But I was wrong. Here I am worse than ever but now I have no support or medicine or doctors. I can’t burden my family because they are convinced i’m this strong marine they can be proud of. But I got nothing left. I feel less and less towards my family, cant sleep, cant forget the bad, and am losing every battle I step into that is life. Financially, emotionally, physically, soon enough legally. I read the words here on this site but I have a hard time seeing a road I havent tried to walk down yet to deal with this. Soon i’ll be another one of those homeless vets who despite having benefits for it cant even get into college because of bs medical restrictions.

    Cant find a job because 5 years of shooting guns translates worse than a high school teen in the civillian work force. Fighting to lose everything anyway seems like wasted energy. I just hope if I do break that I have the courage to end things. Im too much of a coward now. I just dont want to end up hurting someone im close to who might try to help or end up freezing or dehydrating to death on the streets. Slow and painful though I probably deserve it for some of the things ive done. I wish I could just understand what to do.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Joshua, how painful it is to read your words, and how much more painful it must be for you not only to write them but also to live them, day by day, hour by hour. You clearly have been through immense pain and loss. I can understand that, based on what you have written here, you feel hopeless. But I hope you will consider that you do have options.

      Here are just a few options that became evident to me while reading your comment:

      The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a dedicated service for veterans. They will know of some resources that you have not considered. Their number is 1-800-273-8255 (TALK).

      Your family might be able to help you. You said that you don’t share your problems with them because they consider you a strong Marine to be proud of. But all of the above can be true: You can be hurting, you can need their help, AND you can be a strong Marine to be proud of. Who is stronger, the Marine who continues to suffer in silence and self destruction or the Marine who bravely lets loved ones help him or her?

      I don’t see in your comment that you ever received consistent psychotherapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy in particular, but also many psychotherapies overall, can help you to find hope where right now you feel none. You state that your options are homelessness or death. But there are more, many more, options than that. Therapy can help you find the many shades of gray between the black and white ends of the spectrum.

      You likely have more options regarding college than you realize. Universities have no right to know your medical record. So there are no medical restrictions. On the other hand, many universities have special services dedicated especially to veterans, and all have policies for providing accommodations to people who voluntarily share that they need them for a physical or mental illness. The universities are for you, not against you.

      Joshua, please continue to reach out, as you have done here on this website. Please exhaust all your resources (which should take quite a while!) Please let your family help you.

      Until you do those things, and more, you cannot really know what else can await you.

  165. Anonymous says:

    thank you I wanted to kill myself I feel better now

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “Anonymous,” I’m sorry you have been feeling so badly that you wanted to kill yourself. It’s good that the words on this page soothed you, and I hope you will also get help. Please check out the Resources page on this site for information about hotlines, chats, and other resources for people who have thought about or attempted suicide. Good luck to you!

  166. S says:

    I find so many sites to be pejorative about this topic and the people who are pondering suicide. Thank you for doing what you do and for being understanding of people’s issues.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Thank you, I appreciate the feedback! I agree with you that pejorative language is unwarranted. Talk about adding insult to injury….

  167. Madie says:

    “To the world you may be only one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

    I’m crying right now. I cannot begin to tell you how much that touched me…

    I’ve been stuck in a really hard place lately. I got suspended for two weeks, and after a week and a half of social isolation, I’ve been starting to have auditory hallucinations… It’s hard to be stuck in our ugly kitchen with only my suicidal thoughts and the wolf spider I found in the sink…. I’m tired of all the loneliness and bullying and sheer torment I know I’ll recieve when I return, but I’m scared of losing everything I still have…

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Hello Madie,

      I’m sorry you’re suffering, and so intensely, too. Are you receiving help? Have you shared your suicidal thoughts with anyone, whether a parent, friend, or teacher?

      A good start would be to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.TALK (8255). Please also check out the resources on this site, at

      Perhaps you are already receiving help. If so, please share with that person or people what you wrote here. You don’t need to be alone with the spider and your thoughts.

      Some words on this page touched you. They spoke to the part of you that wants to live. I hope that you will honor this part of yourself!

  168. Chen says:

    You are absolutely right, the real horror only starts after a failed suicide attempt.

    I tried to hang myself once, then the towel broke, I dropped and fell on the ground. In next 5 minutes(perhaps), I puked everything out on the ground meanwhile unable to move for it hurts so much when I hit the ground. I was in agony and lying in my own puke for about 15 minutes before was sent to a hospital.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      I am sorry to hear about your suffering, Chen. I hope that you have been able to experience some relief from your anguish.

      The Resources page on this site has a section for suicide attempt survivors. Please take a look at

      Thanks for reaching out. Perhaps someone else who reads of your experience will be deterred from suffering in a similar way, and instead will ask for help. Perhaps!

  169. Zara says:

    I’d advise against throwing in philosophical quotations without their proper context and certainly without quoting them in full lest misunderstanding looms around the corner. Camus’ full quote from the Myth of Sisyphus goes as follows:

    “There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.”

    He’s quite right: whether or not life is worth living and the meaning of existence to us as sentient, thinking beings is not a question science can answer and therefore psychology and psychiatry are of no use in this regard. If they are indeed sciences or applied sciences (something which can be debated as was done by Sasz, Laing and others) they can only be based on the facts and relations between facts and empirical understanding should lead to effective treatments for those suffering from these particular problems. Yet there lies the rub: the mental health industry bases its work regarding suicide not on science but on ideology, namely that life is good and should always be maintained no matter what in combination with the notion that individual freedom and self-determination are subordinate to the interests of society and even (paradoxically) to the intrests of the individual herself (paternalism). This is remeniscent of the christian philosophy of the natural law and imo it’s plain wrong: it’s not because we humans are, as all animals, driven to continue life for as long as possible that it therefore also follows that this is rational or morally good.

    This is what David Hume called the naturalistic fallacy: from what is one cannot deduce what should be, there’s no logical connection between the two. Yet this is apparantly what psychiatrists, therapists and suicidologists overlook when they project their own values onto their clients, patients and research subjects. Again this isn’t science (nothing in nature says suicide is wrong, it’s quite clear morality doesn’t exist outside the human mind), it’s ideology and a moral standpoint that stands in sharp contrast with the principle of a free society under the rule of law. Imo psychiatry, psychofarmacology and clinical psychology should study these phenomena and try to come up with cures and palliatives to these conditions but it’s not up to them to decide if the life of others has meaning and is valuable (to the individual, not to others) let alone whether suicide is right or wrong in particular cases.

    I’ve got no quarrel with articles like this that are aimed at pursuading people to abandon their plans, what I do take issue with is the use of force against people who haven’t broken any laws solely based on the fact that their values stand in opposition to those of society. It is highly absurd and illogical that committing suicide is no longer viewed as a criminal offence yet talking about it, planning it and attempting it can land people in a jail they call mental hospital.This is de facto punishment for an unofficial crime (the complete and utter rejection of society and its values such as unbridled optimism, hedonism and materialism) even though it’s sugarcoated with more innocent sounding terms. Still a rose that is called by any other name would still smell as sweet, or in this case rotten.

    I really don’t get how people who probably think of themselves as morally upright and basically good can justify this immoral use of force under the guise of medicine (obviously this is nothing new in psychiatry as it has been used in the past to oppress women, the poor, blacks and political opponents) and how they can stand to look at themselves in the mirror before they go to sleep at night.

    • Mari says:

      Thank you Zara. We need to bring it to the attention of the courts in a big way.

    • EfraimK says:

      Zara, I read your comments to this article (I read all the comments) and wholeheartedly agree with your reasoning. A physician scientist myself, I’ve been making very similar arguments since before medical school many years ago. It’s always stunned me that so-called scientists and “experts” in mental health somehow refuse to see the obvious, that regarding the evaluation of a given life, only the one living it could have any meaningful right to judge it. You are correct that psychiatry has been used to oppress unfavorable groups of humans since its inception. One of the latest groups is the suicidal. But psychiatrists, and the medical professional in general, refuse to see the parallels between their historic crimes of oppression and the freedoms they deprive otherwise coherent, responsible, even intellectually cogent individuals of today. What prompted me to reply to your comment is the lack of a reply from the blog’s author, Dr. Freedenthal. I think–and a growing number of individuals, medical bodies, and even nations agree–your comments about individual autonomy and freedom to determine the particulars of our own inevitable ends are among the most salient life-topics, not just today, but throughout most of civilization’s history. We don’t force adult patients to undergo “therapies” in other branches of medicine where physicians are only advisors to the ultimate deciding authority, the patient herself. Yet mental health therapists are empowered literally to force treatment on those who express a sufficiently alarming (to others) desire to die. Yes, there are circumstances under which we ought to intervene where another intends to end her or his life–and these are in the great minority, but the denial of this ultimate, intimate choice as currently embodied in our culture’s laws is a reprehensible abrogation of the very concept of personal freedom.

      In twenty years of asking the same questions of medical colleagues at some of the world’s so-called finest universities and medical centers, I have yet to hear one pro-life apologist offer a philosophically consistent and defensible argument that justifies broadly forcing adults to continue living lives they do not wish to live. I wonder if the “experts” think that by merely ignoring the counter-thesis to life-is-fundamentally-good-and-therefore-must-be-preserved, the rest of the thinking populace will follow suit. In any case, I really wish Dr. Freedenthal, who exhibits noteworthy tact in dealing with the subject relative to many of her colleagues, would address your comments specifically, as she has addressed many other comments here. In any case, I’m confident that eventually the world’s governments will legislate self-determination laws, though not likely widely in our lifetimes. In teaching medicine for more than 15 years now, I’ve noticed a very strong change in perspectives about suicide among young medical students and residents, and this bodes well for the distant future. Thanks for posting an important perspective.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Efraim, thanks for your thoughtful comment. Reading over your comment and Zara’s, I think there are several fundamental questions at play:

      1. Is suicide always an irrational act?

      2. Should society (and all the various units of society, including friends, family, and mental health professionals) try to prevent suicide?

      3. Should suicidal people be forced into treatment to prevent them from dying by suicide?

      I think these three issues get conflated, as if the answer is either “yes” to all three questions or “no” to all three questions. But that is simplistic.

      As for myself, here are my beliefs:

      1. Is suicide always irrational?

      Yes, I believe so, except in cases of terminal illness where death is certain and soon. Our bodies have so many mechanisms in place to protect us from death – not just one survival instinct, but many – that something has to go awry for that survival instinct to disappear.

      Now, let me qualify this. Suicide may seem completely rational to the person suffering. They are in intense pain, distress, or something else that feels intolerable. They want the pain to end. They see no end, so death becomes their solution.

      Or they feel nothing at all, find no value in their existence, and see death as a way to end an exhausting and meaningless struggle.

      In both scenarios, suicide may be rational to them. But the fact is that most people who die by suicide have a diagnosable mental illness, or are intoxicated, or both. (I will look up precise figures and sources at another time.) Something in their mind is making the irrational seem rational.

      We know this because the great majority of people who attempt suicide, even those who clearly make quite severe, nearly lethal attempts, do not go on to die by suicide. They get better. Or they at least get to the point where they find reasons and desire to live, even if they still suffer. Their convictions that nothing would change were wrong.

      Efraim, you yourself note that suicide is not always rational. You write, “Yes, there are circumstances under which we ought to intervene where another intends to end her or his life….”

      So how do we decide under which circumstances suicide should be prevented? I myself cannot find a dividing line that is not porous with exceptions. Can you?

      Consider how many teens die by suicide. Do you think their suicides are irrational? I would bet your answer is yes, because they are young, they are acting from a very constricted worldview, their situations will obviously change in time. And if your answer is no, then I am intrigued and would love to hear more about why, because I can’t fathom not trying to prevent teens from killing themselves.

      2. Should society (and all the various units of society, including friends, family, schools, and mental health professionals) try to prevent suicide?

      I passionately believe suicide should be prevented whenever possible, for the reasons above. Most people who are intent on dying later change their minds at some point, whether because their depression lifted, they are no longer intoxicated, they have discovered solutions to their situation, they realize that they were being irrational, they find peace through religion or spirituality, or any other of millions of possible changes.

      On the one hand, I think we should prevent suicides as much as possible for the sake of people who feel suicidal. Down the road, whether the next day or year or decade, they are likely to live differently and feel differently.

      On the other hand, we don’t only protect the suicidal. We also protect those who love them, those who know them, and society as a whole. It is well known that suicide bereavement can lead to suicide risk, depression, and other hazards to mental health. Suicides can have a contagion effect, especially for youth. Suicides are a public health issue.

      For these reasons, I do think we should work as a society to prevent suicide. And Zara, I don’t think you would disagree that this is a fine goal. You stated, “I’ve got no quarrel with articles like this that are aimed at persuading people to abandon their plans, what I do take issue with is the use of force against people who haven’t broken any laws solely based on the fact that their values stand in opposition to those of society.”

      Which brings me to question 3.

      3. Should suicidal people be forced into treatment to prevent them from dying by suicide?

      No. No, they should not.

      I have given this much thought in recent months, and my thinking may still continue to evolve, but I think we might lose more lives by involuntarily hospitalizing people than by letting suicidal people move forward with their plans, unprotected. I say this not because involuntary hospitalization kills people (though, perhaps, it might well contribute to eventual suicide among some people who are committed) but because the fear of being involuntarily committed keeps many suicidal people exiled by fear, too afraid to seek help because they are certain that they will be committed if they dare tell a professional of their suicidal thoughts and intentions.

      I think it is especially revealing that a post I published fewer than 2 years ago, “Will I Be Committed to a Mental Hospital if I Tell a Therapist about My Suicidal Thoughts?” has been viewed at least 41,000 times. It is the most popular post on my site. In the last week, it has had 500 views a day!

      If we banned involuntary holds of suicidal people except in obvious cases of florid psychosis or intoxication, I think more people would feel free to seek help. We do know that various treatments can help people recover, such as antidepressants, lithium, dialectical behavior therapy, and cognitive behavior therapy. The more free people feel to seek those treatments, the better.

      OK, that’s all for now. Thanks, Zara and Efraim, for bringing up your points and generating this discussion.

      p.s. Zara, I apologize for not having replied to your comment earlier. I thought I had, but apparently I confused it with another discussion we had on another post.

  170. Nel says:

    I was puzzled by the statistic that 90% of those who attempt suicide and survive do not in the future die by suicide. I have previously heard that previous suicide attempts were a major risk factor for eventually dying by suicide?

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Nel, you are absolutely correct – a previous suicide attempt is one of the biggest predictors of future suicide (in some studies, it is the biggest predictor). However, it is also true that, according to various research studies, only 10% of those with a previous attempt go on to die by suicide.

      Currently in the United States, 14 out of 100,000 people a year die by suicide. That is roughly .014%, compared to the 10% rate for suicide attempt survivors. Thus, the suicide rate of 10% for people who survive a suicide attempt is 1,000 times higher than the average.

      Nevertheless, the suicide rate for attempt survivors is fortunately still quite low, given that 9 out of 10 people who survive a suicide attempt do not go on to die by suicide.

      (In calculating these probabilities, I’m using the annual average probability of death by suicide for the average American, which is .00014, compared to the annual probability of death by suicide specifically for suicide attempt survivors, which is .10. Some people might extrapolate such probabilities over a lifetime, which would lower the difference, but in any case the discrepant probabilities for suicide attempt survivors and others is quite dramatic.)

      Thanks for asking this excellent question. I’m sure you were not alone in wondering about the apparent discrepancy.