Does Your Mind Lie to You about Suicide & the People who Care about You?

“I’m a burden. They’ll be better off without me.”

“They’ll get over it.”

“Nobody will care that I’m gone.”

“I’m worthless.”

Do you tell yourself any of these things? Many people who think of suicide do. In fact, a leading expert in suicide research, Thomas Joiner, PhD, writes that seeing yourself as a burden to others is a necessary condition for suicide to occur. 

These sorts of statements almost always are lies of the mind. Depression can trick you into believing them, and so can stress, shame, despair, self-hatred, and other feelings that can cause irrational thoughts. Distorted thoughts. Thoughts that simply are not true – like that somebody who loves you will not care if you kill yourself or will easily get over it.

I do not say this to cause guilt or to convince you to stick around purely for the sake of other people. I don’t think suicide is selfish or judge people who die by suicide, even if their death hurts others.

Rather, I say this to point out that what you tell yourself – what suicide tells you when it beckons – may well be false.

Challenging the Lies of the Suicidal Mind

The question is, if you think your death would matter little to others — or even help them — do you pay attention to the other side of possibility? Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is it possible that you’re wrong when you think people would be better off if you end your life?
  • Could depression, stress, or other conditions that can distort thinking be deceiving you?
  • What would you say to somebody you love who wanted to die by suicide and thought others wouldn’t care if they died?

Is Living for Other People Enough?

It might not matter. Even if you recognize that others would be hurt by your suicide, you might still feel that you can’t stay alive just for others’ sake. You might feel that your life isn’t worth living.

If that’s how you feel, I hope for your own sake – not necessarily for others’ – you’ll consider that other ways exist to feel relief from pain, rediscover hope, find meaning and purpose in life, or experience other changes that will help you stay alive — and want to.

For Those Who Think, with Guilt, of Those They’d Leave Behind

Unlike people who feel that nobody cares if they live or die, you might be all too aware of how your suicide would devastate your family and friends. And then you may feel all the worse for considering suicide as an option. But still suicide beckons, whether you want it to or not.

This is the nature of suicidal thoughts – the thoughts cannot be turned off through sheer will. So, please, try not to blame yourself for the suicidal thoughts that come to you. Please try to have compassion for yourself, to recognize that we’re programmed to avoid pain, and your mind is operating from that programming. At the same time, please keep in mind that you need not believe everything you think.

Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, is the author of “Helping the Suicidal Person: Tips and Techniques for Professionals,” a psychotherapist and consultant, and an associate professor at the University of Denver Graduate School of Social Work.

© Copyright 2013 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All rights Reserved. Written For: Speaking of Suicide.  Photos purchased from

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  1. Sam says:

    I think suicide can be a valid solution, but have to make it look like an accident. I haven’t worked for 30 years due to a work accident. Lived with chronic pain, 1/2 poverty level wages. Caregiver to my parents until they died. Friends died. Family home sold. Dog died. Was taken in by a family member 2500 miles away who got married & now has a life without me. Town I’m in is famous for its social “freeze”. People are friendly but don’t want to be friends. Meetup groups are 1/3 of my age. Looked up therapy in my Medicaid plan. If you have opioid addiction, LGBTQ issues, a Vet with PTSD, schizophrenia, fine. Otherwise, forget it New chronic condition is turning my hands into claws, surgery unsuccessful. See? There’s really nothing good here.

    • Rob says:

      I’m sorry that you are hurting and going through so much. Please know that people out here DO care, despite the unfortunate ‘social freeze’ you describe. And please know that there are therapy options out there. I know from experience that it can take some time and effort to find a good therapist who’s in your plan and who you will partner well with…but they are out there, and they truly can help. Please know that your options are wider, and better, than what you see and feel in this clearly difficult and sad time. And please know that people care and do not want you to hurt yourself. Your life is valuable, and you matter, and there IS hope, even when it’s so difficult to see and feel it. Please take care, Sam, and keep going – one day, one foot in front of the other…

    • me says:

      Good news, no no good news. My situation is completely different, but I feel the same, I have evey opportunity, but it doesn’t make a difference, I am am here out of obligation, my contribution would be missed but not me if I were gone, but I’m not gone, obligations.

      • Rob says:

        I don’t know, of course, exactly what you are going through. I cannot judge your words, thoughts, or feelings. I can say, with deep confidence, that YOU would be missed, not simply your contributions. We as humans often do a really crappy job of saying how we feel and of telling the people we care about how important they are. But I believe that people do feel that way about you. I don’t know you at all, but I care about you and what happens to you. If you were gone, the world would be less, and I – and everybody else- would feel that somehow and in some way. I hope that things get better for you. Please reach out and let others – professional and not – help you. There ARE people out there who want to help.
        Take care.

  2. Syafa'at says:

    I am syafa’at I am 19 years old, I am depressed because my mother is always pressured, I have no friends to share the sadness I feel, I want to end my life

    • Rob says:

      I am so sorry to hear how much you are hurting. My son, who’s just a few years older than you, went through a very dark and dangerous time, when he thought he wanted to end his life. I am thankful every day that he chose not to. I know he would say the same thing.

      I am sorry you feel such stress and pressure. I am sorry you are so sad. I promise you, though: There ARE people out there who care and who will listen. Friends, family, a good therapist, even this online community. You are never truly alone. Please try to hope and to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep going. Things can get better – SO MUCH better. I have seen it with my own eyes. It can take time, and a lot of work, but please don’t give up.

  3. Kjersti says:

    I am 15 year old girl who lost her mother at 4 years old during October and then lost my mother’s mom and family friends that were close. Even when I tried to end it, I told my family because I was scared when I overdosed on my medicine. But now I feel like doing it again because I have to pretend to be okay but I’m not. I have nothing to look forward to because no one wants a overweight girl to bother them.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      Thanks for sharing here. I’m sorry about all the losses you’ve experienced. Right now I believe your mind is telling you things that aren’t true, like that nobody wants to be bothered by someone who’s overweight and that you must pretend to be OK. Don’t believe everything you think! The mind lies, for whatever reason, especially when depression or anxiety is involved.

      I hope you will let somebody know that you’re hurting, that you’re having suicidal thoughts, and that you need help. It’s possible to feel better, even if that’s impossible to see right now. Please take care.

  4. Jamie says:

    The man I thought I was going to marry doesnt want me anymore, my parents keep using satire to control my emotions, and revisit my childhood traumas. I have severe anxiety, depression & i cant even care for myself and my children. My family all humiliates me regularly, no one person i have talked to lately will even make eye contact with me. I keep begging God to tell me what this is? What is this teaching me? Because honestly at this point iam a problem, iam a nusisance, and i will be relieving people if im gone. The only person who will truly miss me is my little boy. I honestly think i would do him a justice too. He sees me cry everyday and i cant even parent him correctly anymore. My pain can be seen in my face i dont wanna do this anymore. I dont wanna hurt, i dont wanna hurt anyone and i dont know any other solution.

    • Rob says:

      I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly. I can’t claim to know exactly what you are going through, but I do recognize and understand many of the feelings you describe: in my own life and in the experience of my son, who went through a long period of trauma, depression , and serious thoughts of suicide. He is so much better now, and I am thankful beyond words that he didn’t go through with it. At the time, in the dark depths of his pain, he genuinely believed that he didn’t deserve to live, that we would be better off without him…exactly what you are feeling and saying. None of those awful thoughts were true in his case, and I deeply believe that they aren’t true in your case either. But I know the pain can be terrible. He still has effects from trauma and has much that he carries and sometimes really struggles with. But he is alive, and generally healthy, and much, much happier. Meds, and therapy, and lots of hard work and love and support. None of it is close to easy, but it is so worth it. It truly, honestly can get better. Thoughts, prayers, and love. Please know you’re not alone, and please hope and fight: for you, for your little boy who loves and needs you, for all who need and love you, whether you see it or not, and whether they express it well or not…

  5. jeremy kessler says:

    I wouldn’t leave anyone behind no one cares about me I should die it’s not like anyone would care because they wouldn’t I’ve been used cheated on and left to die

    • Rob says:

      I don’t know your full story, and I don’t want to minimize the pain you are clearly in. I am truly sorry that you are hurting so badly. For whatever it’s worth, just know that there are people out here who care, who do not want you to hurt yourself, and who do feel a human connection to you, whether we know you personally or not. I do genuinely believe that we are all connected, and the loss of you would be a loss for all of us. Take care.

  6. Jack says:

    Ok, I have a comment. I am 59 and disabled with unrealistic neuropathy, unacceptable, impossible nerve damage. I have had bone disease from day one. Diagnosis severe at age 35. Became unbearable 3 years ago. Imagine sticking your hand in a breaker box in your home, and getting a continuous jolt.. Torture. Couple with fibromyalgia and a host of other things.

    Now, the emotional part. Losing your spouse of 26 years, and them dying ALL at once at Christmas, CHRISTMAS of ALL times. And letting them down in the MOST unimaginable ways. Doing absolute unforgiveable things to the ONLY person on the planet that ever gave a crap about your miserable butt in the first place. Now, this is sadly all true. So I challenge anyone to come up with any good reason for me to go on breathing perfectly good air. I hurt physically and emotionally in ways that are totally unacceptable. Death with dignity comes to mind. Anyone?

    • Rob says:

      I’m so sorry that you are hurting so badly. I wish I could offer some relief. I guess all that I CAN offer is some truths that I believe:
      I hear you.
      I am genuinely sorry for your terrible pain.
      I believe that things actually and truly can get better (they did for my son, who went through a long and dark suicidal period).
      I hope and pray that things do get better for you.
      I hope that you stick around.
      We are all connected.
      You are loved, whether or not you feel that in this moment and place.
      Take care.
      Continue reaching out…

  7. MC says:

    I can’t see how anyone would benefit from me continuing to live. I screw up everything I try to do. I’m always messing up and I never can seem to get anything right or do anything good. I’m a disappointment to everyone, so why not take myself out of the equation?

    • Rob says:

      I don’t know you, so I cannot claim to know what you’re going through. I am not a professional, so I cannot give scientifically-sound advice. What I can say is that I hear what you are saying, I am truly sorry that you are feeling this way, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Please know that you are not ever truly alone and that there are people out here – whether you see them or not, know them or not – who do care about you, who are rooting for you, and who would be affected if you hurt yourself. We are all connected, whether we see and feel those connections or not. Please take care.

  8. Struggler says:

    I think I just want out. I’m just not very good at life and I’m far enough along to reasonably conclude that will never change. I’m not under any delusion that my departure won’t cause great pain and sorrow. Still, I feel how I feel and that isnt going to change. Things may get better for some, but I dont think it will for me. I’m faced with two choices: live with this pain and despair and struggle, or opt out early with all the devastating ramifications that entails. Rock & a hard place, indeed.

    • Rob says:

      I’m truly sorry you are hurting so much. Please know that there are people out here who care. My oldest son was very seriously suicidal for a long while but has gotten to a much healthier and happier place. It was incredibly hard for him to get there, and things are still often very hard and sad. But I am thankful every day that he is still here. I hope very deeply that you find the strength/faith/hope/determination/whatever you need to hold on and to move forward. Love and peace.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so much despair, but this isn’t just a question for you, but for everyone who is feeling suicidal. Why do you think death will solve the problems of your life? I’m really curious. I am not really religious, maybe somewhat spiritual so this isn’t a religious question and I’m in no way trying to shame or scare anyone. I’m legitimately curious about the way your mind is thinking. What do you think will happen? Everything just stops, or you go to some version of heaven? Or get reincarnated? I guess I just don’t understand why you think death would be any better than life? Can someone explain why you feel death is the solution over therapy or anything else on earth? Also can you explain some of the things you have tried to make yourself feel better or what have you tried in order to change your thoughts to more positive that didn’t work?

    • Anonymous says:

      I guess it’s a big cry for help , when you feel so much pain, loneliness, you’re not thinking what happens after you do it, I’m just thinking let this pain and suffering end now .
      But your comment has made me think actually.
      What does happen …. so thank you .
      I am religious and I do believe in god and heaven, and I hope god has a plan for the rest of my life like it’s says in the bible

    • JB says:

      That is a good question. My only answer would be simple relief. I am boxed in by this life and the role within it which I play. My favorite moments in life are the ones in which my Consciousness leaves this pathetic little framework of identification. Normally I reach this state when I am sleeping therefore I wish to prolong this state and just not wake from it I suppose.

      • Anonymous says:

        Ok, I get that, but what have you tried in this life for relief? Also, thank you for answer and honesty.

      • Nio says:

        You know, a lot of people who are taking about killing themselves here are pretty selfish. “No one cares” , “no one loves me”, “no one would even notice”, “my bills”, “my guilt”, “my loneliness”, on and on and on. Even if you had these things, then what?

        Have lived without bills, with friends, with caring family and aspirational life goals. Have also lived without friends, with family hating me, with constant fear of eviction, and without the ability to pursue self betterment.

        And ii still want to die. My family would be upset? So what? They’d get over it or die themselves in the next few years. My friends would be upset? Okay, cool, good for them and their progressing lives. My spouse would be upset? Yeah, and then they’d get over it or die. Who honestly cares? My pets would either be cared for or able to survive without me, no kids, and everyone else would be fine.

        Seriously, if ii don’t care now, ii didn’t care before, what makes anyone think these ‘try therapy’ articles or ‘it’ll get better’ comments will make anyone care in the future?

        Ii’m probably the most selfish here, but ii don’t care anymore. How about instead of individual miserable people slowly gripping with whether or not they have the guts to off themselves, we just go back to killing each other. We’re really good at it now, we could get rid of almost everyone in a few days.

        At least then things would be interesting.

    • Anon says:

      I just constantly feel like a burden. I don’t have a job (never have. I have pretty bad anxiety and misophonia and if not the anxiety, the misophonia will make working with others hard), everyone around me pays for everything for me, I feel like the medical problems I have will just continue to grow and I’ll just cost too much, even with insurance, I can’t drive myself anywhere so everyone has to drive me and they’ve literally told me they hate it (I don’t have a license, the anxiety plays a HUGE role in this. I’ve driven around with people, but it’s done nothing but stress me out). I just feel like I’ll always be a burden, no matter what. Even on good days I feel that way. I haven’t acted on it specifically because of my dog. When my mom moves out of her current home and gives it to my sister, she’s leaving the pets and my sister refuses to keep him. I feel like if I left, he wouldn’t get to be happy. I’m sure that sounds stupid, but my dog means everything to me, he’s pulled me out of stuff like this before, but I don’t get to see him much since I moved.

      To your question of “what do you think will happen?” I don’t really care. I just know the people around me won’t have to deal with me anymore.

      Some things I’ve tried to make myself feel better:
      I’ve tried to “eat right and exercise” but that’s done nothing. It’s never made me feel better. I’ve been to therapy. It helped a little, but maybe I just had bad therapists. I’ve talked to friends before and all that does is let someone else know the surface of how I’m feeling. Nothing seems to really help.

      • Anonymous says:

        I know what you are talking about when you say you feel like a burden I have struggled with that thought for sometime and I understand were you are coming from I was born with a spinal disability and don’t get me wrong God has blessed me in many ways I have been able to live a fairly normal life until a little over a year ago I got to where it has been hard to walk with lots of foot pain wasn’t sure I wasn’t going to have to start using a wheelchair, however; I was able to get special shoe pads to help with the foot pain. Yet, during that time I had to rely on my sister around the house and at my job I just felt like such a burden. Though God has really helped me physically and emotionally please know your not alone God is right there holding our hands through it all. He is our hope and strength when we are weak just rely on him.

    • Tricia says:

      It’s not about solving problems. Most of my days are suicidal ambivalence. If I die, so be it. But some days are like being thrown into a dark, bottomless pit. The pain I feel in my chest takes literally my breathe away. I just want the pain to stop. I just want to wake up and feel at peace. I’m not thinking logically about solving any problems. I’m too consumed with the visceral emotion of pain to think logically.

    • Dakota says:

      I want to die because unlike you, my life holds no meaning. I have no shoulder to cry on when I’m sad or when I feel worthless. I am simply not enough, I never have been, and I never will be. I have tried counseling, asking for help, and nothing has stopped it. Do you know what it’s like to live every day with nothing to look forward to? Feeling unloved and unwanted 25/8? I want to die because there are no outlets, there is no quick fix, I can’t watch a you tube tutorial and be okay. I don’t know what happens better, but it has to be better than this endless cycle of tears and pain.

  10. danny says:

    Throughout my life. I can never, ever be able to keep a steady job. 3 times i quit my job and i have no where to go. My wife supported me. But she never ever made me forget about this fact. Every time. Now i have 2 kids. And i am jobless again. And she is at it again. I feel so so hopeless. I am no good at my job. Stuck. So unhappy. I feel like a useless person hanging out at home. And she always reminds me of this fact. I couldn’t find a job. I dont even know what i want in life. The rental. The bills are due again. i’ve been thinking of dying for the past few years. But my children push me to live. Now, without a job, without the skills to do what i thought i know how to do, made me useless. I do not want to be a burden to my family. I do not want to be looked down by my family and friends. I do not want to be me.

    • Ruby says:

      Do a job , I’m in a job I’m that wouldn’t be my first choice , stick with a job pay your bills , with a job you could pay to study at night for something you want to do .
      Sounds like you are feeling sorry for yourself
      Stick with a job , and your kids out bring your wife out then everyone is happy

    • Anonymous says:

      What do you say to your wife when you feel she is saying hurtful things? Also, If the situation was reversed what would you say to your wife? Like if it was her that was going through jobs and you were working all the time? Is there a job you think you’d be more interested in?

  11. sorryifyoulovedme says:

    if i commit suicide who will care? im the middle child and the least loved. no one loves me my parents look down to me ‘i am their worst mistake’ i have no friends, they stabbed me in the back. who do i have?i may as well end my own suffering. no one is here to help me. i hate my life.

    • Ruby says:

      What will happen when you end it , where will you go forever , Its a scary thought isn’t.
      You sound young , you don’t know what tomorrow will bring or what next week will bring , you might meet someone who adores you you might get married, have children of your own .
      My life is a struggle, and very lonely , but I’m just to scared to do it .
      For me I’m not so young and don’t have much going for me but got to hang on in there someday it will be all over

  12. Jackie says:

    My husband completed suicide on February 12th., 2019. He struggled with a long battle with mental illness and loss. The thing is that day when he shot himself he killed me as well. He killed the future I planned. He killed my best friend. The one that would get me through this loss.

    He killed himself because he’d invested everything we had in a business that failed, leaving us facing bankruptcy, serious IRS debt and a lot of money owe to my family. His death has left all of the problems on me to deal with only now I have to deal with them alone.
    My life insurance would make all of these things right and I just dont have any reason not to chose an infinitely less painful option – other than the impact it leaves on my parents and kids. I guess that’s the only downside.

    I will discuss my choice if I do elect to complete a suicide so that they understand why and can deal with it in a healthy way. They all have people who can support them through the loss, I simply dont, he’s dead.

    • Ruby says:

      You can’t do this to your kids it’s that simple , 2 parents to die to suicide , do you want your kids to commit suicide when they get older because there parents did , well that’s what will happen
      Get a grip of yourself and look after your kids now they need you.

  13. Marty says:

    It’s not so much about other people getting hurt, because there is really none to hurt. My mom would be the only one. My wife left me not long after i professed to preach a few months later she told my daughter a bunch of bunk that caused her to not talk to me anymore. I became disabled about 10 yrs. ago. All my friends that had been life long abandoned me when i became a cop, the very few that were left deserted me when i professed to preach. Now im disabled ,alone, and cant work. Theres nothing left, my want to is all gone, besides, i couldnt do it anyway. My mom loves me, but doesnt understand the pain and lonliness all this has caused. If i could work things wouldnt be so bad. I”ve always had a strong will, but this has taken a real toll on me.
    I tried a mental health program a few months ago, in house so called treatment, all i got was my meds for my disability taken away which made bad matters worse, no kind of tratment except bad.
    No where and no one to turn to. So if it wasnt for my beleif in Gods holy word, i would have already done it.
    I feel im in a prison, with no way out.
    So what know?
    Ive tried depression meds of all kinds, they just made matters worse. No matter what happens, i’ll always know i’m alone and useless, just taking up space. I just turned 54′ and however many yrs i’ve got, i see no future. All is lost, with no way to regain anything. I haven’t laughed in three yrs. I can’t even remember how it feels. I dont won’t pity from anyone, just a way out of this, but i’m afraid there is none. On top of all this i’m broke and in debt. There is no hope anywhere.

    • Orrinette Twobears says:

      Hi Marty, I’m glad you will preach! There are many souls who need to hear about Jesus Christ through you. Since God called you to preach it is true there are specific people who will respond to you. God knows what He’s doing, He’s smarter than anyone, so when He called you preach He knew specific people who would respond to you. You have worth, great worth, you have purpose important purpose. You are loved and needed. The devil is the one who would love to see you fail to reach those God is sending you to. Jesus sent the devil & evil spirits packing, you can too! Just say GO! InJesus name. My email is I’m praying for you. Love, Orri

  14. Jc says:

    I am alone. A male. 52. Never made any friends as suffer from asthma, overweight slightly, and I sweat from my head after merely walking or being in social circumstances: hyper hydrosis. Allergic to all cures. I am straight. Women seem to detest me. I am 5 ft 8 in, a bit plump, but I have a symmetrical face and greying hair. I am intellectually gifted MSc Science and History, but jobless after made redundant.

    I am an only child. All my life I had to look after my parents who are still alive in their 90s. As a full time carer I am unable to go on holiday. I have never had a holiday since the age of 7. Caring for my mum and dad has prevented me from going out to meet women all my life. I never socialise.

    I had to study from home to get my degrees. I worked from home for 13 years. But then the company was put out of business by poor management. So I have no outlet any more for my skills.

    When I was growing up we moved many times, were even homeless for a few weeks. Each school I attended I was the new one, always being bullied by bigger kids as the ‘new kid’. I learned that humans were always cruel and uncaring if given the opportunity to do so against a weaker target, especially one that has asthma and sweats a lot.

    No one has ever cared for me, even though I have always been kind to people I meet.

    No one has ever held my hand, kissed me or told me they love me. I cannot even have a pet as a friend as allergic to cats and dogs, as if the universe wanted me to me be totally alone.

    I am isolated, alone, caring for my parents until they die. No money. No job. No future.

    Yet I have no suicidal thoughts because that might upset the people who found me.

    I want to die alone friendless, unloved, and most of all forgotten….because that way no one will suffer the pain of grief, or cry a tear of sorrow. There is enough sorrow in this world without me adding to it.

    The human story is a sad one. Don’t make it sadder. Strengthen your mind. If no one likes you like no one likes me, don’t worry. That is the nature of the universe.

    Now you have read this, remember only this. All of it is true.

    Now you have understood it, forget that I ever existed. That way you won’t worry about me.

    They say ‘no man is an island’. They are wrong. I am sure many humans are far more lonely and isolated than me. There are street beggars in India and Africa far worse off than me. I am lucky by comparison.

    Call me lucky.

  15. Anonymous says:

    I understand being poor and how when you are depressed it’s a never ending cycle of trying to get through life, but not having the funds. It’s really unfair especially when it feels like you’re trying to be a good person and life is just rewarding people who are jerks and giving you a lot of negativity, but there are free text therapists you can use and suicide hotlines aren’t just for crisis. You can still call and talk to them. It’s not like you’d lose money talking to them and you may as well if it doesn’t cost anything and you feel so much pain.

    • Ruby says:

      Hello , your story is very sad , but you sound very strong.
      You have your parents they love you so yes you are very lucky.

  16. Ruby says:

    I’m thinking of suicide but I don’t think I’d really go through with it I’m too scared , I’m 45 , I have no one , my adult child is 30 and after having a great relanship until he turned 24 and met someone .
    I’ve no other family or friends .I don’t think I’ll do it but I’m thinking I’ll just buy the rope just to have it in case I build up the courage to do it .I don’t really want to die I want to be happy but life has always been a bit stressful
    Don’t know where I go from here

    • Anonymous says:

      What is stressing you out about life? I would like to help you, but maybe if you shared or privately shared some of the stress could be allieviated. Do you think talking about it is worth a shot before killing yourself?

      • Ruby says:

        Thanks for noticing my post and I very much appreciate your response
        As I said in my post I don’t think I would take my life , I’m too scared to do it but then I don’t know , I don’t think it’s normal to think of suicide a lot either .I’m just very sad and in a lot of emotional pain , I’m broken and think at this age it’s not repairable.
        I’ll take it day by day and see how I go.
        Thanks again

      • Anonymous says:

        I’m sorry you are going through your depression, but it’s actually normal to think about suicide. Most people do at some point in their life, but try not to let your pain get the best of you. Why do you think you feel so broken. You’re not alone. What have you tried to counteract the depression. I think you need to figure out why you feel so broken and try to help yourself out of that. I know it’s hard, but I’m here if you need. Luckily, there are a lot of different things you can try to help with your sadness. Therapy or journaling or talking to others or getting a hobby or learning coping mechanisms, or getting a pet or positive apps or medication or watching inspirational videos. I know sometimes it feels like things won’t get better, but it might. You will be ok eventually and if you don’t feel like it’s possible keep posting because you deserve to feel better.

  17. Tammy says:

    The only reason I’m still on earth is I don’t know what would happen to my dogs!! My family doesn’t care . My friends don’t care. My dogs care and when they die I will follow. My life doesn’t matter I tried so hard to do good to be a good person and for what? To not matter. So really I can’t imagine it hurting any one except my dogs. For them I live … one day we will die I will follow

    • Anonymous says:

      Why do you think no one cares? How are you a burden?

    • Bec says:

      I understand you completely. When my little dogs go, I will go too. They are my family, and bring me my joy and love…without them the world is a dark, cruel and empty place where I have struggled on for too long. When they entered my life my broken heart felt something again, and when they leave it, I will follow them into forever.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Who would really care… my reason for still being on earth is I don’t know what would happen to my dogs . They are my only reason to live . My family and friends don’t care about me I’m just a fleeting thought to them . No one asks me how I’m doing if I’m ok … I am the one to reach out
    I can’t do it … my dogs that is it … love for my dogs

  19. Anne says:

    If people actually cared—-really cared—-they would not only listen, but do something. The truth is, the poor are too poor for anyone to care. Go see a psychiatrist? Would love to, have tried. They want money. I have none—everything I have goes to keeping me off the streets, and that is achieved with no gains . Oh you say that there are therapists for people who are poor? Not unless you are absolutely destitute. And by then, they are so mentally shattered by their experiences they can’t be helped any longer just sedated. What happens to me, what happens to those who can no longer work because of their mental illness? Can no longer pay for their upkeep by working as society expects? Truly these articles are only written for those who have money already. It is such a burden to have everything given to you—college education, new cars, money, healthcare, that they are so depressed because why? These wealth people that kill them selves amaze me, they could make so many peoples lives easier and better, might even give them a reason to live. Would certainly help others feel cared for and loved. The only reason they don’t want the poor to commit suicide is because they wouldn’t have a workforce living to make them happy while they worked their miserable lives away. It is a big game. The poor as losers—the rich deceiving them that they too could someday be happy and safe. Welfare is a joke. The only people who really gain from it are those who have no shame and will work the system. But they don’t gain their independence—they just create a new labor force to make others rich with their babies lives. If there was any justice, there would be a way for those of us hurting to end our lives with dignity and painlessly—which is far more than life ever gave us. And people would stop guilting us with their opinions on why we shouldn’t take our own lives, but aid us and have compassion on our pain. Or give us the safety of a secure place in our communities for which to rebuild ourselves. When we were part of a tribal or even extended family our lives mattered in our community. Now you walk the streets and see mothers camped at gas stations with shopping carts. Tent cities. Terrible crimes perpetrated against these people that no one cares about and they aren’t even allowed a place to use a restroom at times. If I had half the income I have seen others display I would help these people, give them shelter, education, access to good food, philosophy, and community. For myself, I am so scarred by my experiences in this Life I can no longer trust anyone even myself, daily I think of ending my pain in my head. I always talk myself out of it because yes I would hurt others, and also because I have no sure way of making sure I don’t wake up again. I have no recourse but to keep going until I can take the action I need to end my suffering. No one else can or will. I used to love people. Now my apathy, maybe even hatred is so strong I am overwhelmed. I am trapped in a nightmare. People destroy. People hurt . People are pretty evil actually. Especially the ones who have everything and look down on those they put there. I’ve come to the conclusion I must be too, after all, I happen to be one. I used to do good deeds, random acts of kindness. But now I see it really didn’t matter. The world is a hard uncaring universe of Darwinism. Maybe if society decided it was okay the depressed committed suicide the world would be a happier place. After all, depression is genetic right?

    • Anonymous says:

      It sounds like you are overwhelmed by life. It can be overwhelming, but you’re not alone. I’m glad you shared so we know more about your life. It sounds like you are a good person that does care about others even if you are feeling resentful because you don’t feel
      like they care about you as much, but even as a stranger, I can tell you that I care. I think with jobs and the stress of life we sometimes forget to acknowledge others especially the ones we already know care about us and take them for granted. I don’t know your exact situation, but I think you sound empathetic and you should be happy that you are. Every day you get through is an accomplishment. Don’t stoop down to the level of these rich, mean people you are talking about. You keep living your life being nice and eventually things will get better and even if they don’t, at least you can say you are still a good person in this messed up world.

  20. Anonymous says:

    If you have not been there, do not suppose you know anything beyond anecdotal things that have been told to you. You are young, and do not yet know what it is like to be a senior citizen in your seventies or eighties who have lost a spouse and are dealing with disabilities, and end of life issues, then perhaps you may have credibility with the elderly who are at the end of their rope. Too many therapists think they have all the answers for the elderly. Until they get there themselves, they don’t know shit.
    My wife after 52 years of marriage died last winter, after ten days in hospital after a fall resulting in a brain injury, and we didn’t get even to say goodbye .
    How is that for a cognitive distortion.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I’m sorry about your wife’s death, which would be devastating under any circumstances, but especially so in the circumstances you describe. Grief is certainly not a cognitive distortion.

      There are many therapists who specialize in helping older adults. Maybe you would feel more understood by them. There also might be support groups where you live that could help you. If you’re interested, you can also use one of the hotlines or other resources listed at

      I hope you will consider reaching out to someone about your grief, so that you’re not alone with this pain.

    • Anonymous says:

      Mate I lost my wife a year ago and it’s the hardest thing ever , I don’t know you but please hang in there

  21. Doesitmatter? says:

    Of all the things I’ve done wrong. The one that haunts the most is my own existence.

  22. child says:

    I am depressed. I cry all of the time. I think suicide is the only way out of it. What if I were dead?

  23. Anonymous says:

    I think I’ll probably end myself before my 30th. No love from anyone, not even my family, in fact my family hates me. I’m kind of glad because no one will mourn for me, I will feel no guilt whatsoever.

    • Anonymous says:

      Still here? I surely hope so. Though I do understand if you weren’t able to make it any longer. Either way, I hope you got the relief you were seeking.

    • Anonymous says:

      When are you turning 30? Is there some reason you feel your family hates you? Is there something going on in your life that is making you feel such pain?

  24. frank says:

    I’m 56.. no family left alive… I have no friends.. no woman wants me.. never had children.. I am completely alone. Nobody likes me.. I’m fat and ugly and a loser.. I barely make a living.. making 10$ an hour makes me just at poverty level. I live in a crappy roach infested apartment.. only thing I own is a 20 yr old car. I’m no good.. I lost everything I ever loved. I have serious health issues… I am losing my hearing with Meneire’s disease… I have Sciatica that causes me pain constantly.. 24 hrs a day I hurt… I have no money to see a specialist or to have test done to even find out what can be done. I’m a mess.. I hate my life.. I’m done.. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.. I know inside me I will kill myself soon. Nobody will miss me.. nobody will even know I’m dead until the apartment comes looking for the rent.

    • Ariel says:

      Hello, Frank. Your situation sounds very hard. The first thing I would suggest is call your local suicide prevention line, since you mentioned you wanted to find out what can be done. If you have access to a phone, a call is free. And if you’re going to be dead forever, what will a few minutes on the phone change?

    • Jenna says:

      I will care

    • Michael says:

      Frank, I hope this message finds out. I’m in a bad place right now but having read your message, I can see that you’re in a worse place than me. Perhaps we can connect and talk? Please get in touch

    • Karen says:

      I’m so sorry you feel so low, Frank.

  25. Matt says:

    I don’t think about the emotions of others when I consider ending my life. It’s my life and it’s my decision. There are a few people who think of themselves as friends and they would feel sad about it, I’m sure. But, they’d understand that ending my life is my choice. I wasn’t asked if I wanted to be alive but ending my life is me deciding that I don’t want to be anymore. I’m not ‘leaving anyone behind” and I’m not affecting the lives of others by killing myself. I don’t owe anyone anything. Having the respect and caring of others is no reason to live or to die. You have to have self respect and base your decisions on what you think is right.

  26. J says:

    I have the most beautiful baby girl. She’s my soul. Her father is terrible to me. It’s never going to end. She’s only 7mo old! He won’t speak to me-he plays games of being nice then mean. I don’t feel like things are ever going to change. I can’t coparent with this man. I am in a bad place of not seeing an end in sight and my life is going to suck as long as I have to share my life with this man. I love my daughter more than anything. I love her more than my own life. She deserves better than me and this. I want to give up. I hate myself for loving this man ever, I hate myself for giving life to this beautiful little girl and wanting to leave her. I just see no way out or end. I can’t see any light.

  27. J says:

    I’m 45 my life ended when I was 12 that’s when all the abused started. Then came all the medications to fix problems I never asked for. Then broken marriages to more abusers. Now on top of it all I’m disabled I live with my mother that works to care for me. She will never retire because of me. I do nothing but cry I want all the physical and mental pain to end. My disability is life Long just not terminal. I’m almost too exhausted to breath anymore.

  28. rebecca says:

    i feel stuck, alone in my life. i don’t go to college, i have a dead end job at only 17. my parents are divorced and i don’t get on with the step parents so i stay in my room. my parents aren’t proud of me and they pretty much tell me when they see me, “lazy” they say ” get yourself together” they say. i don’t have any friends and i don’t leave the house. i dont really eat and i’ve been getting thoughts that maybe i’m not supposed to be for this world. i feel like a burden and i can’t tell anyone because of my anxiety.

    • Kered says:

      You have to realise that the only person that you can rely on is yourself. Other people will give you warm words and advice, but in the end you have to look after yourself.
      Tough love maybe, but get on with your life. Nobody else is going to live it for you, so set yourself achievable goals, and get on with it. Fuck everybody else.

  29. Gina says:

    Im just so alone. I can’t do anything right, I’m just a nobody with a crapy life. If I left I know it would hurt my family but I still think I should do it. I’m lost and I don’t know what to do. I’m ready to give up, walk away and hope that they will forget me.

  30. Matt says:

    This argument doesn’t apply to some. I, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, have no meaningful relationships. No one would miss me if I disappeared or killed myself. My boss, neighbors, and sister would notice my death, but no one would care. My existence matters to no one but me. I have to decide that my life matters TO ME, not to anyone else. It would be nice if others cared for me, but they don’t. That doesn’t affect the value I place on my life. That is entirely up to me.

    • Bernadette says:

      Matt, what is causing you so much depression that you are feeling this low?

      • Matt says:

        I don’t feel “low”. I’m just describing my life. I’ve had good friends in the past but they’re gone now. I have to come up with my own reasons for living and , for now, other people aren’t one of those reasons. Thanks for your concern, Bernadette.

    • Bernadette says:

      I’m sorry that you are feeling this way in life. I lost my best friend to suicide and I often wonder if he thought anyone would care or if he just thought he was a burden. Even if you don’t actually have anyone it doesn’t mean things won’t get better. Have you tried getting professional help?

      • Anonymous says:

        Matt, you should be proud of yourself for finding reasons for life. I know that it’s hard to do when you don’t want to, but if you need to talk I’m here. I do care and I understand that Life is hard, but I think you will get through it and be stronger for it.

  31. I wish i was gone says:

    I don’t know what to do anymore the last time I remember being truly happy is 6th grade it seems like every step I take is in the wrong direction but I recently got a super good paying job I am bi polar and I thought the job would help because I hate my grandma having to pay my bills but every day I work is slowly killing me I try to tell my grandma how depressed and stressed I am but she starts stressing out I can’t do this anymore everything I do disappoints my family and even worse me I know I would hurt a lot of people if I did commit suicide because they think I’m funny and very nice my family loves me but I don’t live myself I hurt so much that I have to find a way I’ve been on anti depressants before but they can get expensive not only that I have a bad time remembering to take them I would hate to hurt my loved ones but I just feel like they don’t realize how much I hurt I don’t want them to think it’s their fault I just wish I knew how to go about this better I know I need help sometimes when driving on the highway I see a semi truck and want to swerve into it I tell my family but when I try to get them to help me they don’t think I’m serious I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve been happy I just wish this never ending nightmare was over

    • Just A Guy says:

      You say you got a good paying job maybe think about traveling abroad or taking a vacation? Maybe spend some time volunteering? I dont know the right advice but if there is anything you want to do try it. Death is always waiting you can get back to it later. Is there anything that makes you smile or happy or feel some sort of peace? Search out those things. Sometimes we feel like we have to have it all figured out but we dont . its okay to be a work in progress. The key is that we continue to try and progress is made. I sincerely wish you some sort of peace and happiness in the future.

  32. Anonymous says:

    The main reason I don’t is because I don’t want to leave a mess. Otherwise, I just want to go.

  33. Anonymous says:

    I feel in a way, while i would kill my loved ones by ending it, I’m slowly killing myself to stay alive with the love i have for them. There’s only so much of me left. I want to run, scream, make it all go away. Piece by piece life is shredding every ounce of will left no matter how small.

    • Ryan says:

      Anonymous Ok I’m with you with this one. Eventually your love and help for them is slowly killing you, it’s the same boat I’m in. So what I suggest is you do what you can in the time you have left for them, then you once there is not much of you left you start loving yourself and setup your loved ones with as much help you can give them then you leave like as in you said “run” you are in no obligation or debt to anyone and don’t have to prove or make proud your loved ones of yourself.

      You have to think about your own self if your losing your will then you have to change things. If you don’t take care of yourself you will be living for other people and their suffering, or you can take care of yourself and don’t let guilt stop you from taking care of you. I spent my whole life (39 years) taking care of others and now I have no life so now I have made the decision that it’s time for me and me only. Call it selfish call it whatever you want but it is better than suicide or a lifetime of others misery.

  34. Anonymous says:

    I’m in 10th grade currently, and about to enter junior year. Honestly, the only things preventing me from ending everything is that it would have been a financial waste on my life,+ pain it would cause and that my mom has casually commented about ending it upon the event that my death arrives before hers. I suffer from anxiety, add, and i think undiagnosed depression and suicidal thoughts. I’m behind on my work, scared for any future. I used to be a perfect student but my grades are in the toilet due to my mental health disorders. I don’t know where i would go and i await the days when there’s no one left to miss me. I used to have this burning passion for art. I knew it was what i would do and it’s all i cared about. I’m starting to hate it. I don’t understand what happened. For years i would make new, toxic friends and then cut them out when i realized they were toxic. (Between bullying and other examples). I finally made one or two close ones, but one has tried to commit suicide before, and the other lives in another country. Every day is pushing off, saying “it will get better tommorow” or “it will be over soon”. I truly understand that i have been blessed with a loving family. I wish i could give it all to someone who has the will to live. I have nothing to look forward to, probably won’t even get into the worst schools at this point with my grades, and especially not the school my parents want, penn university. (I’m a double legacy). Nothing makes me happy anymore except those few happy moments in life. (Ya know, the really special ones). For those short and precious moments, i can be normal, happy, free. I can enjoy the people and activities I’m doing and i understand how precious life is. But those moments are far in between and so rare i have a better chance of winning the lottery. It’s all so hopeless. If i do art, which I’m not even sure i love anymore, in the job i would want i would be broke, and student loans would probably never get paid. I choose a job that’s well paying and secure, and I’ll be miserable but able to afford the things i love. I have no goals in life exept awaiting the day I’m not going to hurt anymore. I’ve already had loss, pain and have few people left who mean the world, with those being my mom and dad. I don’t know how i hold on. There’s so much fear within me. I don’t know where to turn, as i don’t feel comfortable opening up exept to everyone here, and my suicidal friend who knows exactly how i feel. The only escape from the pain is sleep, as i can’t feel anything, and i don’t need to think. The desire to sleep led to missed school and dropped grades, so here i am. I’m me, i want to be me, but it’s so hard to do such simple things, like get out of bed. I know it’s hard to imagine such a simple task as difficult, but for me it’s the hardest thing i do every day. I want to fight but I’m getting so tired.

    • Ryan says:

      Anonymous, “burning passion for art” go study graphic art if that is your passion you will learn to how to gets jobs in the entertainment or gaming field. Or go to a school to study sociology to become a therapist or psychologist, I spent 2 years helping someone else study for it and it was not very hard. Don’t worry about the student debt and let that stop you. You can can get a student grant and also have a side job to pay your way.
      If you decide to skip all those things and work in the service industry as a permanent job thats ok too. Your suicidal thoughts are a lie your only 16 and need to make a choice in the next 2 years what you want to do. The anxiety can be overcome easily by Xanax. Take care

  35. Anonymous says:

    Where do I begin. I’m in the 6th grade and I have 100+ overdue assignments and my mom is always yelling at me. I just feel like a piece of garbage and I feel likes its time. But, I’m only hanging on because I don’t want to go to Hell. I’m a Christian and I’ve been praying but nothing works I want to go to heaven but schoolwork, family issues and everything else is just to overwhelming. I confused between Heaven and Hell because if I go to Hell I’m (Supposedly) going to burn for all of eternity. But, If I want to go to Heaven i’ll (Probably) have to wait until I die.

    • carol says:

      This hits me hard. As a mom of a 6th grader who I yell at because she has missed so much school work that I don’t know if she will ever get caught up enough to move on to the next grade without being behind, I can honestly say that I am at a loss of how to help her anymore and it has me feeling like I am the failure as a parent. I get frustrated and upset with her but it is only because I don’t know how to help her. She cries now anytime I try to bring up missing assignments and while I don’t want her to fail, I don’t want her to feel like dying is an option for her either.
      I have been thinking that I am her problem and that her life would be better off without me in it. I had attempted suicide before I got pregnant with her and succeeded only in making myself sick as a dog. I don’t want her to have to navigate life without me but I am certain I am causing her to feel like this on a regular basis.
      Her 12th birthday is in a month and I have decided that if I can’t figure out how to help her get caught up by then and help her feel better about herself that I am at least going to give her the best birthday I financially can and then kill myself a few weeks after that so her birthday isn’t always going to be thought of as around the time her mom died.
      I don’t hope that this is what your parents are dealing with but I can see both sides and all I can do is pray that without me, things eventually turn out for the better for my kids and family. Maybe it will cause someone that can help her without getting frustrated with her to come into her life.

    • Ryan says:

      Anonymous first off your mom yelling at you is not your fault you might have a learning disability or just a lack of motivation. Your so young so I say it’s not time as you said. You sound like a good person you are not going to burn in hell. It’s not about just praying even though that sometimes helps you need to ask for help maybe you can ask for help from a friend from school or another relative to help you with your schoolwork. Work with your teachers if you are having problems after class if you get some good teachers they may even stay after class with you to help you catch up. You can do it . Take care

    • Ryan says:

      carol, you said “I have been thinking that I am her problem and that her life would be better off without me in it” That is not true you or someone else can help her with her assignments ask around to family, friends or neighbors who are good at school if they can help her. Please don’t give up on something as simple as this. You said “I am at least going to give her the best birthday I financially can and then kill myself a few weeks after that so her birthday isn’t always going to be thought of as around the time her mom died”. Please don’t do this to her and yourself whatever problem your having it can be fixed trust me you sound like a caring mom that just needs help. Whatever problem your facing it can’t be as bad as leaving your beautiful daughter without a mom. I’m 40 I wish I did have kids thats my curse don’t think that whatever problems you are having are worth not being here in life. You just need a little help, Please take care of yourself you are a good mom that just needs a little help. If you or her need anymore help I can help with math or depression or even suicidal thoughts I been down the darkest of roads and have lots of time to work things out with you both if you can buy a scanner you can send me all her assignments or type them through my email at
      Take care =)

      • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

        What a loving message, Ryan. Thank you for reaching out lovingly to someone in need.

        Carol, I agree with what he wrote. I hope you will seek help. Your mind is not being kind to you. It is actually telling you that your death would be better for your daughter than your being alive. Everybody I know who lost their mother as a young person, whether to suicide or another cause of death, longs for her and feels deeply wounded by the loss. Nobody I know feels they are better off as a result.

        Please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for help at 800.273.8255, or texting the crisis text line at 741-741. Please also consider reaching out to others, such as friends, family, your primary care physician, a therapist, or another mental health professional. You can find other resources at

    • Just A Guy says:

      Its just schoolwork. You will figure it out. Just take your time and ask for extra tutoring. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please dont give up now. As for heaven and hell, well if god is as understanding as christians claim he knows your pain. The bible also says that it is not gods wish that even one of us fall away. Just do your best and forget the rest. I wish you all the best.

  36. TM says:

    I have 2 kids. I’ve done the math. When they are out of college (plus a few years), I may very well consider ending my life at that point. Gives me about 15 years of living in this disaster area of a life. Failure after failure. And then some. I hate myself and while I haven’t made any “major” screwups, it’s the death from a thousand cuts that has done me in. In many ways, I’m already dead. I’m numb. I’m not excited about anything and can’t make any plans for the future. I’m 47 and just want it over. Trust me, my loss will only be felt by 25 people – tops.

    • Ryan says:

      You have 2 kids you are very blessed to have that plus you sound like an excellant parent in that you were supportive of your kids going to college. You said you had failure and are not excited about plans for the future thats ok just find simple small things to keep you going, be content on what you do have not what you don’t. You need to look at the positives you have your freedom and I’m sure your kids love you no matter what you think. You sound like you need some more love in your life go out and date and eat drink and be merry. If your single trust me there is someone for everyone. Don’t limit yourself you need somebody and if you don’t believe you need or deserve that then stay busy trying to do what we all call life.

  37. Mar says:

    Whenever I think about what it would do to my kids, which is my biggest reason for staying here, it just feels like a burden. Like as in I have to stay for them. Not because my life’s going to get better, but because as their parent I must endure and stick around.
    I go to therapy, psychiatry, and have contacted an IOP and I have to admit I feel like I’m just destined to keep feeling this way forever. Contrary to perception, no one seems alarmed that I think about wanting to die. A lot.

  38. Jer says:

    Ultra-religious nutjob parents sheltered me so much I was a social outcast pretty much from first grade. Constantly told any career I expressed interest in was me living in a “fantasy world”. I was emotionally, socially and intellectually stunted until adulthood, and to this day I STILL can’t even hold small talk with anyone. I have no job, no friends, and I literally spend most of my day on the couch playing video games in a desperate attempt to escape my useless reality and pretend, for a while, that my existence actually means something. So yeah, if I was someone else, talking to me, I’d tell me to pull the trigger.

    • Steven says:

      You sound exactly like me. Having no friends and escaping the world through video games has become my life story. What makes it worse is I’m socially awkward. I’ve tried to make friends but the people I talk to seem to get turned off by something in me. It’s almost like they can smell my depression from a mile away. I have a lack of motivation to do anything and the things that I once enjoyed as a kid seem boring and repetitive. My gf has noticed my lack of motivation as of late and she’s beginning to pull back from me. Life just keeps getting worse

  39. Neha says:

    Feel ashamed even to write. I suffer from ocd and insomnia and depression and they have all got jumbled up. Life feels hopeless I was working for decided to stop that work so have no work. Left with no friends now. Have nothing to do . No interest & strength left either. Lack of sleep leaves me lost. Took allopathy then stopped for fear of addiction & rise in eye pressure. Took homeopathy but doesn’t work. Feel hopeless a burden on my parents & brother. Keep thinking of ending my life. Afraid of pain & putting my parents through torture. Then think of leaving & going away somewhere & roughing it out but where I don’t know. Feel stuck

  40. Chris says:

    I am struggling with everyday of suicide thoughts but never would do it!!? I have had pretty tough life but never used it as excuse. My childhood was bad with abuse and i was sexually abused by my aunt. Watch my mom hold shotgun to my dads head, knife to his throat and endless night of a destroyed house followed by days, weeks and months of fighting. Told myself i wouldn’t be victim anymore and moved out at age of 15. Nowhere to go but found a happy path in life. I live with 4 AMAZING ROOMMATES of buddies that help me enjoy life and helped me be the man i am today. Aaron, Eric, shawn, Paco and james. I was 15 living with another 15 year old paco my first roommate, 16 year old eric wouldn’t allow anything in life to hurt me or mess with me, shawn 21 james 23 and aaron 22. We were like a family of friends. They actually were big part of my life at one time and i think they know it. They just took good care of me and thing is i never once even had to ask. Its like they knew they should and im always be thankful for it. I never used my bad hand to be excuse EVER instead i made a good life for myself!! It has done damage to me and im trying to change the path of my last name. I might be messed up but my kids lives will be the new path i set them on. Just sometimes feel like im a burden to them. I dont abuse them or anything like that. Im moody and mentally in the messed up sometimes but i know they know i dont mean to be. Im trying to be better than sexual and physical abuse like i was custom to. I messed up and with my wife tho and i hurt hurt one day. I now have failed myself and my goals to change. I know my kids will be better than me but i let them know that their dad did something horrible to his wife. She has forgiven me and i will NEVER in my life be that person or man again. I have to live with this and when i see my BEST FRIEND, BUDDY, SOULMATE and MY EVERYTHING i know i will give her rest of my life of earning her respect, trust and love for rest of my life. Im lucky she had given me another chance and love me! I have great heart and very good guy. Just feel like im messed up due to other people being messed up and feel like i never got a chance to be the full man i should be. Its been messing with me a lot lately and im not sure why. I have suicide thought all the time but have no desire to do it. Just not sure why but i do.

  41. Unhappy says:

    I wouldn’t leave anyone behind. Mom died, only child and haven’t seen or heard from my dad in 13 years. I have no friends and I am single.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      I regret titling this post this way, because I don’t think we should try to guilt people into staying alive on the basis of the people they would leave behind. Likewise, I don’t think people who wouldn’t leave anyone behind have no reason to live, or to hope.

      I hope you will look inside yourself and your life for reasons to live. This post gives you some ideas to consider.

  42. Decisions says:

    I hate many decision I make an I feel hopeless when making those decisions sometimes I feel like disappearing but I have children that are not grown an doing well I don’t want to destroy their life because I want to take my own

  43. Matt says:

    I wouldn’t leave anyone behind. I have no responsibilities to anyone and I have no meaningful relationships with anyone. That’s not an issue for me. I don’t see how killing myself hurts anyone else. My life is only worth living if I want to live it. I’m not capable of meaningful relationships. My decision to kill myself is mine alone and only affects me.

  44. Misery says:

    I feel stuck.
    I followed the words of maya Angelou I didn’t like something so I tried changing it, if you can’t change it change your attitude -or something like that. I have tried again and again , to fake a positive attitude, try to be “happy”.. usually in return greeted by disinterest, or by people who wanted to play genuine til whatever off their addenda is done .
    I attempted to stop drinking-roughest 2 weeks of my life but I had been doing it! today as I was feeling my impending relapse I noted that I missed the warm burn of alcohol in my stomach that somehow numbed the dull ache of dissapointment that normally is there instead

    [This comment was edited to abide by the Comments Policy.]

  45. Joyce says:

    I have been thinking about suicide for a couple days now. I feel like my family is falling apart and that they don’t need me anymore or if they even care about me. This feeling had just recently snuck up on me because I feel like I’m the reason everything that goes wrong is my fault. I feel as if I’m the burden on the family and my friends, and even including other people. I have not felt like this for long though but I feel like it could relieve my family of more problems. Meaning they would not have to deal with my “drama” anymore because I feel as if I’m the reason they are always mad or stressed out.

  46. Anonymous says:

    I feel like the reason everything goes wrong in my house and that I’m the reason everyone hates each other. I have had something that I want to get off my chest and it is that I want to just leave this world and so I could be in a better place. My family has been fighting a lot with each other lately and I don’t know what to do so I feel like we are falling apart slowly because of someone and I feel like no body needs me anymore.

  47. Anonymous says:

    Great Article. Helpful for people to not condemn themselves for thoughts…they get stuck in a negative feedback loop. Glad this is available to people and I hope that more people read it. I have shared it on FB.

  48. Anonymous says:

    I have been thinking about suicide a lot lately. My father is destroying the family financially and emotionally because of his pill drug addiction, and my step mom is injured and can’t really walk, and doesn’t care about me. My older brother is in college and is going to drop out and maybe move to Colorado, where I won’t see him much or at all. No one cares about me anyway. It is only just going to get worse, and I am depressed most of the time. It would be so easy just to ahead with it, and I have been trying to get my hands on something that can kill me. I won’t be missed when I’m gone.

    • Anonymous says:

      Ever since the age 13 when raped by older sisters boyfriend he played a song on repeat then after he said don’t you say anything to anyone I was scared not just the outside but inside I have trouble trusting anyone not one person not even myself I tempted many times in my life and the things that held be back was myself the fact is I want heaven meet up with all your loved ones no pain pure joy paradise a place with out any judgement guilt suffering well I am 25 years old I do not have kids no job I do not have a license nor am I any good at driving but continue on about what I don’t have and how I feel from all the bull that people give me lies and pain I have been through so much and thoughts feelings pain is not and easy to have on your mind and heart your life I dropped out of school 2009 going back now 2017 and with everything I struggle with I have so much energy due to Adhd a mind with thoughts of not important worthless never amount to anything is even worse on a mind that never stops adhd if you dont know what goes up must come down I love people all everyone I try so hard to fit in with the crowd but always seem to lack one quality I am the kid that never shuts up hyper silly at times kind love nature and helping others but beneath my long hair which falls in my face is a face with a smile and warm heart I tend to carry a burden the smile only gave everyday is not for me but you everyone I carry lies that only must to protect you pain in my heart fills as I hold it all in everyday my yes everyone would be happier no one would even notice at school unless mentioned on news or something but they would move on eventually as we all do sometimes the worst is for the best I wont bother write complain to you anymore I will be better off gone most ones I love other don’t love me living there lives and most important of all god and my family hold me back I know my family would hurt as they will grow to heal over time and be happy again they will see that I was right some people’s purpose is not be. But heaven sounds great and tears of my family is not what I want. So I suffer day by day screaming to just let it all out finally take charge of something that has a purpose to make you all finally happy once the pain of my death sets in and slowly heals you will all be better without me in fact as many whom I loved already have erased me out of their lives or no words which hurts even more when all the pain sets in what has come of this world or was it as always when time for change when do things really gets easier you don’t get your prince and if you do you better appreciate it my carriage rolled over a cliff I quickly rolled out and left my slipper and heart but you know he knew I meant it but life is what it is .

  49. Tracey G says:

    Interesting, but not enough.

  50. Anonymous says:

    I was looking for ways to tell my family I am leaving. Sometimes it is the truth that loved ones are better without you. If you are an addict and have no money for treatment…

  51. Dom says:

    When loneliness has been your best bud for far too long, or always one paycheque away from being homeless, or no one calls to say Hello or ask how you are doing, severe bankruptcy, I mean the list can be endless.

    I believe that most people know nothing about the tipping point that sets someone to give up on life to just end it. To give the guilt trip about the people left behind is being ignorant on all levels.

  52. Anonymous says:

    I have no family who cares the only family I have remaining that has not cast me out is my father and aunt. Maybe one of my brothers. None of which would help me if they could. Quite frankly I’ve burned all the bridges I had to return. I was on a downward spiral with drugs. Completely reckless after my mother died. I was completely content on wasting myself away with drugs until I was gone myself. I met someone who made me no longer want to just keep destroying my life like this. I’ve gotten off all the hard drugs to keep her from going down this fuct up road. Truly I love her and I really wanted to help her be with her daughter again… But even after getting off the drugs I find myself relapsing with alcohol (which I might add is the worst drug of all). When I was on heroin and meth (and any other toxin I could put in my body) I never once put my hands on a female (or anyone for that matter). Now that I’m off all the other b.s. and find myself struggling with alcohol ( in a dry county) I beat her. For these reasons I believe it would be in the world’s best interest that I was dead. She says she needs me and want’s me to stay. But I think it would be better if I just left and continued my path of self-destruction without her or just off myself ASAP

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      Why must the only two options be to die or to remain self-destructive, addicted, and abusive? It seems to me that there is a third option: to work on change and recovery – that is, to work on getting off the booze, treating your partner the way you want to, and healing your grief about your mother’s death and your fractured relationships.

      I hope you will seriously consider that third option.

      In the meantime, please check out the Resources page for places where you can get help by phone, text, email, or online chat.

  53. koohai says:

    The same old prating nonsense. People who kill themselves ordinarily (not always) have DECADES of being uncared for by anyone, so the silly idea that someone, after decades, will give a care about you is baloney. If you are 56 years old, as I am, and NO ONE steps up to even reply to a letter or text from you, you can safely say no one would care if you died. Good grief, one of the foundations of counseling is not to bullshit people!

  54. Noname82 says:

    I’m thinking about doing it this weekend. I just can’t see a way out. I feel like a huge burden on everyone and everything. It would be better for everyone in the long run if I called it a day

    • Spongebob says:

      Hi Noname,

      Please, do not do this. I am here to tell you that it does get better. If you need someone, I will always be praying for you. Please, get help. Everyone on this planet is grateful for you.

    • Paul says:

      I hope that you’re still here with us, friend.

  55. uknzoz says:

    To say people would care is often a lie.

    Many people die and rot, their body is only found months, or even years, later.

    Ask any undertaker they will tell you there are many funerals where no one even knows the identity of the corpse.

    Many… many people go missing each year, some have just moved others have been murdered … they are never reported as missing because they have no one to notice.

    Sure some people do have people around who would care if they died, but many people would simply slip into dust unnoticed. There are others where people would be pleased if they were dead, they treated them with contempt and indifference while they were alive so would sneer at their death.

    This type of article is offensive and dishonest.

  56. Colin says:

    I’m happy to leave this life, not saddened, but the thought a blissful one! Peace/nothing to think or do, no longer exist!
    I worked hard all my life and tired of the day to day struggle, yes planned things and getting my house in order, to the point of all my rubbish cleared from the garage, paperwork up to date, will or that sort of thing.

  57. Anonymous says:

    The world is better without me I wish I were dead, no one will care they will live their lives better

  58. Doug says:

    Am 54 years old and was laid off from a job in July I thought was secure. Just had 11 more years to retirement but now I fear due to age bias I will never work again.Have become hopeless and depressed and think about suicide everyday. My Dr treats me with anti-depressants and my family and friends want me to live but am in so much pain and hurt over my job loss and at times death seems a better option that to live in constant sadness
    and fear about my financial future Stacey I don’t know what to do. You say life is worth living but I feel so lost and just want to my hurt and pain go away.

  59. eyaru2 says:

    I have no escape. Because I have to push myself into mentally and physically tiring situations to earn the money I need for counseling. So basically I have to work a job, get triggered and beaten down by my thoughts, to earn money to see a doctor. Basically in order to get help I have to willfully torture myself. I want to write so much more. Tell whoever might stroll by my life story. Pour my heart out but I just can’t. I am not well in this world. I am behind the social curve, weak in body… I just want it all to stop.

  60. Anonymous says:

    So I debated on commenting, but here it goes. My life has been very uneventful. The only thing that is wonderful is my 8 year old son. I love him dearly. Recently I have been having major anxiety and depression. My son is my whole world and my existence. My sons father has taken my son away from me and so I feel worthless. I have suicidal thoughts. I have no where to live and when I have spoken to my mother about these issues, she has pretty much told me that she can’t do anything about it. She tells me that I have always had problems, and that she and my dad are old and not in good health. My oldest brother passed away going on 3 years ago, and I think about him everyday. I miss him so much. It has made me start thinking why should i be alive.

  61. Danielle says:

    I’m seriously thinking about suicide. I’m all alone. If I died today nobody would know me or claim me. I have no family or friends. I lived in and out of shelters for 8 years since I aged out of foster care. I rent a room and have been kicked out houses more than 30 times. I can’t keep a place to live for more than 2 months. I can’t get, keep a job. I live on disability. I’m 27 years old. I have severe mental health problems. My life is in constant turmoil and I’m not a productive member of society. This is living hell for me. Walking outside in nyc is a depressing. I truly understand why people commit suicide. I really do. I also believe it’s unfair for me to live life like this. I’ll end up in potter’s field in hart island. For anyone reading this just know that some people really are living in hell. A hell you have no idea. Some people reading this have things that I’ll never have. Everyone has more than me. I have nothing. My life is a waste. It’s selfish to be alive keeping myself in this much pain.

  62. John Morrell says:

    Suicide is not an entity. “It” has no thoughts or ambitions; no desire to “trick” anyone. Your childish attempt to anthropomorphize suicide into a sinister villain (no doubt with horns, cloven hooves and a pitchfork) exposes the shallow bankruptcy of your thinking.

    Abandon the idea that every person who contemplates suicide is defective. While it may be true in the vast majority of cases, it is plainly not true in every case. Your efforts should be directed at distinguishing those who are in possession of their faculties from those who are not, and helping the latter.

    Leave the rest of us alone, if you don’t mind.

  63. Anonymous says:

    The suicide hotline is worthless

    • Wyatt says:

      My realization: Society has defined purposes that are completely illusionary to what life should be about. I’m about to be a fourth year mechanical engineering student. I have been philosophical in nature. Throughout my life, I have come to realization about the lies that are fed to us by every single person in life. Our world is only an illusion, created by our own brains. I was raised as a Catholic. I have come to realization that religion is just another way for our brains to lie to themselves to keep them sane from the lie we’re already living. We go to school just to become professionals in jobs that were created from these illusions. An illusionary media that feeds the fire of lies; an illusionary goal that we follow creates an illusionary path that we must follow. To say that we do not need this illusionary path is ignorant, as you as just following a path that I’ve created. You see? We live in a world where we lie to ourselves to keep us from reaching negativity, especially truth. Even it I keep trying to live this lie, I will only suffer. There will never be a point in time, when I’ll look at this lie, and I see something positive. It is not God who saved this passengers on that plane. It was the pilot who saved those passengers. Illusion of the obvious

    • Anonymous says:

      I also agree with this

  64. ANSWERS says:

    I just need to know the financial responsibilities and burdens that are required by federal, state, city, etc that the family must take care of once the suicide action has already taken place???

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      “Answers,” I don’t understand your question, because suicide is no different than any other death in terms of the affairs that must be put in order afterward. But the important thing I see in your words is that you are thinking through all the details for suicide. Assuming your question is reference to your own planning, I urge you to talk with someone. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at any time, at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). I also list places to call, text, or chat online for help, on the Resources section of this website:

    • K says:

      I wonder this also. Do my debts become someone else’s responsibility? Do credit cards/mortgages write off the debt?

  65. Anonymous says:

    I’m looking for help please. I used to love my life.

    Money problems are my issue.

    I have a disabled wife that can never work.

    Her adult son that is living with us is retarded and can’t get a job and will be here for life.

    I now have “brain fog” and can’t do my job properly

    Medical bills just keep adding up at about $100,000 right now and add up to about $1,000 per month.

    Money has been is draining quickly over the pas 10 years ( about $600,000 )

    I feel that I want to end it all soon just to get out of this nightmare

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:


      Your situation sounds incredibly difficult, both financially and emotionally. And there are other ways to “get out of this nightmare” besides death. Please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and discussing your feelings with one of the trained counselors there. They are available 24/7 at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). You can also get help by email, phone, text, or chat from many other places, which I list in the Resources section .

  66. Mooneyn says:

    I have had suicidal thoughts lately…but I can’t tell my parents because they are already struggling as my father put it “This is your fault.” which I’m not saying it isn’t but those words hit me hard and I thought about throwing myself out of a moving vehicle I felt so bad. But he doesn’t know how I’m feeling so I can’t blame him. And I can’t talk to a psychiatrist because it’s too expensive. I also don’t want to tell my mom or my brother because it would make them worry because they love me so much. My dad too but I feel so conflicted right now it’s hard to find the words to say that’s why this is a massive run-on sentence. I just can’t help the way. I feel I just…I don’t know anymore. It’s not like I’ll actually do it. I’m too much of a worthless brat to do it and I just like to whine instead of fixing my mentality.

  67. Anonymous says:

    Here’s the reality of what suicide does: those you want to hurt least will be traumatized for the rest of their lives; those you want to hurt most will feel vindicated by your decision; the burdens you felt you couldn’t cope with become the burdens of those who loved you most; and your memory will be desecrated to everyone.

    It’s been more than 10 years since my dad’s suicide. I will have to suffer with the consequences of his suicide for the rest of my life. His suicide shredded the family. It is the sucker punch that continues to leave me periodically trying to catch my breath.

    • the dog says:

      And perhaps this is the problem. You’re thinking of yourself, and not of his plight. Nobody thought of him.

    • matt says:

      I don’t love anyone. Nor does anyone love or care about me. That’s not why I would end my life. This isn’t a reason to not kill yourself. No one depends on me and my death would affect no one in anyway. It’s my life and it’s my choice.

  68. Hopeless and invisible says:

    “Many people who think of suicide hate themselves, or think they are a bad person, or think they deserve to die. So “guilting them” about how they would hurt others could cause shame or guilt that is not constructive.” EXACTLY. So many people have hung on and endured their hell far longer than most “healthy” people could ever imagine only because they didn’t want to cause that pain and guilt in their loved ones that you describe. Recognize it for the desperate act that it is. It may seem selfish to you but unless you’ve been there, you can’t pass judgement.

  69. Randall P. Robinson says:

    We are worried that your post might “inflict guilt in suicidal individuals by emphasizing that their suicide would hurt others.” Really?! Perhaps, suicidal individuals might just need a good healthy dose of reality to deter them from their act. If saddling my late son with a moment of hesitancy in considering the effect that his suicide would have on the entire family, then I’m all for it. Instead, I am the one left with the never-ending guilt over, perhaps, not having done enough to have prevented the death of my 15 year-old son. I’m quite convinced that he never gave any serious thought to the devastating consequences that his death would have on his family and friends. I have forgiven him for not giving adequate thought or consideration to the hurt he would cause others by indulging him the benefit of the doubt in assuming that he was too locked in his own inner pain to be able to see beyond it; but, in my judgment, we should do everything in our power to convince suicidal people that their voluntary departure will be welcomed by no one and will, instead, inevitably burden them with the same kind of suffering that their loved one seeks to escape.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Randall, thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry to hear about your 15 year old son. The consequences are indeed devastating, both for the youth who die by suicide and the families and friends who must now deal with their feelings of intense pain, guilt, anger, and more.

      You bring up very good, very painful points. If a person’s love for others serves as a deterrent to their suicide, if they do worry about the legacy of grief, guilt, and suffering they would leave their loved ones, then by all means, that deterrent should be emphasized. Whatever works!

      The problem comes when somebody is, as you put it so well, “too locked in his own inner pain to be able to see beyond it” and reminders of how they would hurt others make them feel even worse, not deterred but even more resolved to die. Many people who think of suicide hate themselves, or think they are a bad person, or think they deserve to die. So “guilting them” about how they would hurt others could cause shame or guilt that is not constructive (e.g., “How could I even think of doing that? I’m a bad person.”) On the other hand, for many people that guilt or concern is constructive – it keeps them alive. So it is a delicate balance.

      My goal in this article was to balance reality (people care about you more than you can realize right now, don’t believe otherwise, they will be hurt) with empathy (you are hurting desperately, and your pain is so great that you are thinking only of ending your pain). Again, it is a delicate balance!

    • Moe says:

      I agree we need to hear that we are really loved and needed and will be missed. I know for my 3 times, I just thought (honestly felt) that I was more trouble to anyone than I was worth. Why stick around and keep making those I love miserable?

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Moe, you put into words very well the things that suicide wants people to believe – that family and friends will be better off without you. Were you able to check out your convictions with those you felt you were making miserable?

      It is in fact very hard for loved ones to watch as someone endures suicidal thoughts, perhaps even attempts suicide, perhaps even makes multiple suicide attempts. But it is the *illness* or *situation* that trigger suicidal thoughts – not the person who is their victim – that are causing misery.

      Thank you for sharing. Your words speak well to the ideas that suicidal people can have that, sadly, they are nothing but a burden to others. It is certainly important to convey to individuals who consider suicide that they are loved and valued, without implying (or directly stating) that they should feel guilty and are selfish for wanting to die.

  70. Laura says:

    I have been struggling with this myself for it seems like a long time. I’ve been on meds, through therapy, and some things have helped but I think stress is a major factor for me.

    • Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW says:

      Hi Laura, I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling for a long time. It’s hard! I hope that meds or therapy (or both) have provided some help. Stress is a big factor. Do you try any meditation or relaxation techniques? Jon Kabat Zinn’s Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program could be helpful. He and others have books on MBSR on, including the book called (appropriately enough) A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook. If you have tips for others about what you’ve found helpful, please feel free to share!

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