Teenagers often tell me that they do not like to talk with their parents about their suicidal thoughts. Some teens do not tell their parents at all.
There are many reasons why teens lock parents out. The biggest reason that teens give me for not talking to their parents about their suicidal thoughts is a conviction that their parents will “freak out.”
While extreme fear, sadness, and concern (what teens might call “freaking out”) are natural responses for parents who learn that their child wants to end their life, teens need to know that they are safe, even welcome, to share their innermost thoughts about this most important topic.
Below are 10 more reasons why teens may not turn to their parents for help at a time when they most need help from their parents. The list aplies to parents of a teen who thinks of suicide but is not in immediate danger of acting on their thoughts. If a teen is in immediate or extreme danger, they need to be taken to an emergency room for safety and help.
Also, keep in mind that when a teen tells a parent about suicidal thoughts, almost everyone does something, perhaps many things, on this list. Most of these responses are instinctual and understandable. Yet they also are not so helpful for a teen who desperately needs to be listened to, understood, and in many cases taken for help afterward:
- Some parents offer reassurance or encouragement without first listening to what their child has to say. The parents may immediately say something along the lines of, “You don’t have any reason to think about suicide.” Teens who hear this often feel even more alone and misunderstood.
- Some parents become so overwhelmed with sadness and fear that the child ends up consoling them, without ever feeling heard.
- Some parents get angry with their child for thinking of (or attempting) suicide. “How could you do this to me?” they might ask.
- Some parents take personally their child’s suicidal thoughts: “If you really loved me, you would never think of suicide.”
- Some parents do not recognize that suicidal thoughts and behaviors frequently are a symptom of a mental illness like depression. These parents may blame their child, rather than the illness, for the suicidal thoughts and behaviors.
- Some parents do not take seriously their teen’s crisis. They may refuse to take their child for counseling or, if the situation is especially dire, to a hospital. Or they may choose to keep loaded firearms in the house. These inactions can make the teen feel uncared for or unimportant.
- On the other end of the spectrum, some parents overreact. They immediately rush their child to a hospital for evaluation without first listening to their child about their pain and plans.
- Some parents dismiss their child’s statements or actions as manipulative. “You just want attention,” they might say. (Even when suicidal statements or attempts are, in fact, a cry for help, that shows the person does need help! What a terribly dangerous way to seek help from others.)
- Some parents become impatient. They may ask the teen repeatedly, multiple times a day, if the teen is still thinking of suicide. This may cause the teen to say “no, no, I’m not” to stop being asked.
- Some parents become overprotective. After their teen discloses suicidal thoughts, the parents do not want to let their child out of their sight. If the teen is especially unsafe, this might be appropriate (although if they are that unsafe, a hospital may be even safer).
What Should Parents Do if Their Child Discloses Suicidal Thoughts?
First and foremost, it is important to listen. Really listen.
It is a natural response to want to talk your teen out of suicide, to react with fear and anguish, to do anything to keep your child safe. And there is a time and place for all of those. But what teens need first is nonjudgmental listening and exploration of their pain.
With that in mind, for advice on what parents can say and do to help if their child is thinking of suicide, see my post “If You Suspect a Friend or Loved One is Thinking of Suicide,” in particular the section on listening and exploration.
You may also find useful the posts, 10 Things Not to Say to a Suicidal Person and 10 Things to Say to a Suicidal Person.
EDITED: 4/24/2016
© Copyright 2013 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All rights Reserved. Written For: Speaking of Suicide. Photo purchased from Fotolia.com
It’s funny. My parents only believe that suicide is for the mentally ill. They don’t believe I’m one of them. Which is true to an extent, although my entire life I have never talked to a professional that could diagnose me incase I had any.
The first time I told my school counsellors (worst mistake I’ve ever made.) they told my parents. Later that day, after school . My father came up to me and yelled at me, he said, that “suicide is stupid, it’s only for the mentally ill.”
My mother was crying. Crying from what she heard. I now never tell any adult, I only mention suicide and have a conversation about it but never tell anyone about my thoughts, and how it hurts me.
I learnt to never speak up, to never be weak, to never let my parents know. My parents can never know. If they do, they’ll yell at me. They’ll cry. I don’t want my mother to cry.
Another reason would be the parent not believing or dismissing those thoughts. Every time I try to explain my thoughts to my mother, she always says I’m “just being melodramatic”, which results in me not even wanting to tell her anything anymore because I know she would never believe me.
I am a sixteen year old boy, I really resonate with number eight, for two years now my mother has hurled verbal abuse at me and when I told her I felt like ending it all she insulted and mocked me about it, I only look for consolation and love from my closest friend for this reason. I love my mum but I get the feeling that is not reciprocated.
Please take all that is said by your child seriously, if I did not have that friend I wouldn’t be typing this right now.
I’m 17 and a senior in high school. I have suicidal thoughts everyday and I fake being happy so people don’t bother me most of the time. Recently I was exhausted of how I felt so I told a teacher I wanted to kill myself and she pushed my comment away and I told her no report me. I got reported and i got no support from anyone. Everyone made me feel like shit! My mom the school counselor my outside counselor all told me I was an attention seeker. I haven’t been able to stop crying since without my mom seeing cause it hurts a lot. My mom blames my suicidal thoughts on me being trans which isn’t true me being trans makes me feel more happy but since she doesn’t respect me it just makes me feel more down. And I jammed my finger the same day this happened and she doesn’t wanna get it looked at and I have been in so much pain I kinda just hope it’s just a bruised bone or something. I just wish people would stop being an asshole sometimes. I get it I’m suicidal a lot but don’t tell me I’m an attention seeker it hurts. I have a friend that waves her cuts around and tells people to harm themselves and that it’s fun. That’s more of an attention seeker. I don’t think it’s funny to wave your cuts around and promote it everywhere in school. Just saying. I have my own opinions and just think people should’ve thought about it before doing it.
my parents don’t actually care about suicide and mental health or anything related to it. they probably care about my cousin but when i said i have depression or stress, they always said i’m too young to have that or i dont actually have them. they kept denying things. now i have big exam that can change my life and i don’t even have any motivation to study when the exam is in 40 days. they keep pushing me and accused me even if it’s for my own good but its stressing me out even more. i recently cut myself again after being almost 2 years of not doing it…
Dear Loon,
I feel for you, and I’m sad that your parents’ attitude to mental health problems in young people still persists today. It was like that for me in the 1990s. My school talked about mental health, but it seemed as though ‘real’ mental health problems were something that only happened to other people, and it didn’t occur to me that my own depression and friendlessness and hopelessness and self-harming were severe enough to qualify. I assumed that the way I felt was just a normal part of growing up, and so I made jokes about it, so nobody realised how seriously messed-up I was.
So, you are wiser than I was, because you know that you have a problem, and you’re trying to explain it to your parents. But finding anyone who will actually listen, and finding a way of dealing with your problems, is much harder. Do you have anyone you can talk to, whether a professional, a helpline, or friends or grandparents or anyone who cares about you? You can find companionship in surprising places – for example, last night I was discussing self-harming with a fellow player in our Dungeons & Dragons group, after the Dungeon Master had inadvertently said something triggering.
There are several reasons why it’s hard to get parents to listen. For one thing, the time when their children are teenagers is usually when parents are working hardest, especially if they need to earn money to support their children financially through school and university (and perhaps they are also caring for, or paying for the care of, elderly relatives), and so they can forget that their children also need emotional support. But also, because most parents are trying to do what they think is best for their children, they want to believe that their children are happy, confident, well-adjusted people. My mother often says now (when I’m 40 and she’s nearly 70) that she wishes she had known what was going through my head when I was a teenager, but at the time, as long as I was getting reasonable grades and wasn’t shoplifting or truanting or taking drugs, my parents assumed I was fine.
Very well done for not self-harming for nearly two years! You’ve had a relapse, but that doesn’t mean it has to be part of your regular behaviour. The important thing is that you know that, at least some of the time, you can resist the temptation to hurt yourself. And the more you practise being kind to yourself, the more it becomes a habit.
Do you have any alternative coping mechanisms that are healthier than hurting yourself? Everyone is different, so you may need to experiment a bit. A counsellor once suggested to me that I could buy up cheap, cracked old crockery from charity shops (thrift stores) to smash when I felt angry. But breaking things doesn’t feel cathartic for me, because it just makes me feel guilty. Instead, being gentle makes me feel better. So if I feel like kicking walls and iron railings (which probably wouldn’t damage the walls, but would hurt my foot), instead I pretend that walls have feelings, and so I pat and stroke them reassuringly instead. I know this is weird, but it works for me. So, find something that works for you.
You are worried that you don’t have any motivation to study for your upcoming exam. Is your lack of motivation because you feel stressed about the exam and your parents’ reaction if you don’t get a good enough grade, or because you aren’t actually interested in the subject or the career path it prepares you for? I don’t know how old you are, or how soon you will be leaving home and deciding for yourself what to do with your adult life, but your main job as a teenager, much more important than passing exams, is to work out what sort of person you want to grow into, and what sort of life you want to have. After all, your parents won’t be with you for the rest of your life, but you will be with yourself.
I don’t know what country you live in or what the education system is like, but in my experience, exams aren’t nearly as much of a once-in-a-lifetime, make-or-break opportunity as grown-ups tell teenagers they are. If you fail this exam, maybe you’ll have the opportunity to retake it while you’re at school, or maybe you can study for qualifications later, as an adult. In the 1960s, my father failed the eleven-plus (the exam that British schoolchildren took in those days to determine what sort of school they would go to from the age of eleven), and he left school at fifteen without any qualifications, and left school shortly afterwards. In the years that followed, he had two successful careers, in the navy and in manufacturing, along with a few other stop-gap jobs, and studied for O-levels (the exams that teenagers usually took at sixteen) in his spare time. He finally went to university in his forties, graduated with a first-class honours degree, and had a third career as a computer programmer. I don’t know what his life would have been like if he’d gone to grammar school at eleven and to university at eighteen, but I suspect that starting work and being given real responsibilities by people who saw him as a young man and not just some annoying kid, helped him to learn the confidence he needed and to find out what he was good at.
Live your own life, find your own path, and (if you believe in God) be the person God is calling you to be, not the one your parents expect you to be. Wishing you all the best,
Temple Cloud
yes
my parents both put so much pressure on me and it makes me want to snap. they have put me in three sports at once. in honors classes, and make me go to every school event, it makes me exhausted and start failing classes and they yell at me and call me ungrateful and say i have no respect for them. im tired of it though i want help but every one hates me my family,my school mates, everyone. i just dont know what to do
Unknown,
Are you in the U.S.? If so and you’re in the U.S., please call the National Lifeline at 988 or use the text line by texting help to 741741. Someone there can help you. You don’t need to be alone with this!! I also recommend showing your parents your comment posted here, or telling them some other way how you’re feeling, though I realize that might feel impossible to you at the moment. I encourage you to take the chance, but someone at the hotline or text line can help support you with that.
If you’re not in the U.S., I list other places to get free help at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
I am 15 and a sophomore in high school. My mom saw cuts on my arm back in March and asked where they came from. At first I lied because I didn’t want her to be disappointed in me. After a few mintues I told her I felt worthless so Ive been cutting myself. She told me im not worthless and that everyone feels that way. She made me promise not to cut myself again and I have not ever since. Then after a few days she told me she thought I was seeking attention. And I wasn’t but she would not believe me. It is now November and Im becoming more suicidal everyday. I think about suicide at least once every single day. My mood changes from being happy to being depressed in just a few seconds. Im scared to tell her im suicidal because I know she won’t believe me and she won’t understand. I feel alone and neglected.
Dear Anonymous,
I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment when it came up, nearly a month ago now. I hope you’re okay, managing not to harm yourself physically, but also, as far as possible, trying not to hurt yourself emotionally when you can avoid it.
I started self-harming when I was younger than you, and only stopped about six years ago. Like you, and like most self-harmers, I wasn’t seeking attention, and (at least initially, when I was young) only did it in private so as not to worry my parents.
Your mother can see that you’re not worthless, so I suppose it’s hard for her to remember that you feel that way, and that her telling you once that you’re not worthless isn’t enough to stop you feeling like that. Most parents love their children, unless there is something badly wrong with the parents, so it’s hard for them to understand that their children don’t love themselves as much as their parents love them. Maybe you need to find a way to tell yourself why you have worth, in ways that you will find convincing, and repeat it to yourself until you believe it? I’m forty, and I’m still working on that!
I just told my mom about how I don’t want to be alive and she brought up that it was because of physical things (one of my coping mechanisms; guitar) and how me not having it is not a good reason to kill myself. the thing is, That isn’t the reason. I mean, it’s harder trying to keep myself coping healthily without it, but I have been through a lot in the past two months and she knows. This is not the first time I’ve brought this up. The first time (around a year ago) she told me that other people have it worse. I can’t talk to her about this because she only makes me feel worse. I don’t want to burden anyone else with my problems.
Some adults – and not just parents – seem to forget that teenagers can have strong feelings over anything except the most trivial, superficial problems. Time goes faster for middle-aged people than it does for younger people (because ten years is a smaller chunk of a 45-year-old’s life than of a 15-year-old’s life), so parents sometimes forget that their offspring aren’t babies any more, and that a teenager worrying about whether his/her life has any meaning – or a seven-year-old worrying about climate change, for that matter – is different from a toddler crying at having lost his/her favourite toy.
I don’t know what in particular you’ve been through in the past two months, but everyone, including you, has had a tough time in the past couple of years, and everyone’s problems are different. There’s no point in your mother dismissing your problems because ‘other people have it worse’ unless there are specific things that you can do to help those who are worse off – otherwise, she’s just piling unnecessary guilt onto all your other problems. My mum does the same occasionally, pointing out that my uncle has chronic pins-and-needles as an after-effect of cancer, and if he can decide not to let it get in the way of his getting on with his life, why can’t I do the same with my depression? Which of course isn’t helpful to me, and I’m sure it isn’t to you either.
Please don’t worry about ‘burdening’ someone with your problems. Humans are social animals – we NEED to be able to interact and share problems. If your mother isn’t able to understand your problems, I hope you can find someone who can – whether someone close to you, or an anonymous/pseudonymous website like this.
I feel horrible. When I get emotional I tend to spill everything. My parents and I( mostly dad) were talking about politics, racism, sexism and then eventually topics that involved them saying what I perceived as hurtful. Such as comments from my mom that I was fat or looked better skinnier. Keep in mind that these were made during quarantine, 14, 5’3 and 115 pounds. They made me hate myself more and I tried to explain to my parents that these comments make me feel bad, feel like my body was ugly but they only reacted by saying I was too dramatic as usual and couldn’t take a joke. Everything just boiled up and I just couldn’t control the tears or emotions so I suddenly burst out (loudly) wailing and saying I want to kill myself and I didn’t want to live anymore. Strangely after that I no longer felt the need to cry, my voice was calm, no hiccups no nothing. Maybe I realized I had messed up. We were on a family trip and everything was good for 9 days, the day we were heading home, tomorrow was my fathers birthday and all I could think of was how horrible it must be for him. I didn’t have a plan for I was going to deal with this. I was never going to tell them and god did I fuck up. My parents are lovely people, they love us I love them back, but sometimes they just do fucked up things and I can’t look at my dad without thinking about he had thrown a bowl at me and told me to shut up. He’s the reason I don’t want to get married.
Dear Jejevikki,
I feel for you! Older people, like parents and teachers, often don’t realise how hurtful their comments can be to teenagers (or younger children), because either they know what they mean and don’t think about how it could sound to someone else, or they just don’t believe their children will ever listen to them or take them seriously. My father likes saying extreme things just to get a reaction (sometimes it feels as if he’s still a teenager himself), and when I was younger, I used to take him WAY too seriously, and obsess over things he’d said that he himself didn’t even remember that he’d said. If I asked him about them, sometimes years later, he would say, ‘I’d never have said that, because I’ve never believed that,’ when the truth was that he didn’t believe it, but had said it anyway, just as a joke or as a put-down in an argument or whatever.
In the same way, it must also be hard for parents to tell when teenagers are really serious in what they say. When I was thirteen, sometimes I burst out with things like ‘I hate you!’ just in a moment of frustration, when I didn’t really mean them. But other times, when I seriously thought that I was worthless and ought to kill myself, I talked about it and my parents just assumed I was joking.
You sound a very caring, thoughtful person who is usually kind and considerate of other people’s feelings, or you wouldn’t feel so horrible when you do occasionally say something hurtful. As you say, you love your parents and they love you but sometimes they make a mess of things, and sometimes so do you. If you can accept that about them, I hope they can accept it about you, too.
When I was younger, I used to look at my parents’ marriage and think, ‘I don’t want to get married.’ Even though my parents loved each other and were very loyal to each other, I just didn’t think I could stand being married to someone like my father (mainly because I am very like him, and two people as impossible as us in one relationship would be too many!). I didn’t really start to be interested in dating until I was in my thirties, and then I met a man who is most of the things I like about my father (intelligent, loves science fiction and country walks) but the opposite of all the things I found difficult to live with in my father. We’ve been married for four years now and still can’t believe how lucky we are to have found each other. So, as long as you don’t want to get married, then don’t, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll feel the same way forever.
I’m going through this right now as I don’t know how to tell my parents about my self harming problems and my suicide thoughts. I’m scared as they might freak out or call me crazy and not love me anymore because of this.
Dear Andrea,
I realise you posted this six months ago, so I don’t know whether you’ve talked to your parents about your problems or not. If not, I don’t know whether it’s helpful to say this, but: if they do freak out, it will probably be because they DO love you and are frightened at the thought of your coming to any harm.
Of course, I don’t know your parents, so I can’t predict how they might react. But if your parents love you (and most parents, unless there is something badly wrong with them, do love their offspring), then I don’t think they are likely to stop loving you at a time like this, even if they panic or shout or whatever. If anything, knowing that they might lose you might be likely to make them realise just how much they do love you.
If you can’t talk to your parents about this, is there anyone you can talk to? A friend, your doctor, a member of staff at school, a phone helpline, or anyone? Well, you’ve already talked to someone by posting your comment here, so that shows that you do have the courage to express your problems. I know it could be harder to talk to someone who knows you than to an internet forum, but someone who knows you might be better able to help. I hope you’ve been able to do this by now.
I used to self-harm until about six years ago, when I realised that I needed to stop. To keep myself from self-harming, I needed to stop doing certain things for the time being (not reading certain books or going to certain places that stressed me out – other than ones I couldn’t avoid, like work, obviously!) and start doing other things (talking to my doctor about my problems, being referred to a therapist). I kept a diary of how long it had been since I had self-harmed. When I managed to go a year without self-harming, I invited my friends to a party to celebrate.
But mainly, as I was working as a carer, I reminded myself that my body was as defenceless against me as were the elderly people I looked after, and that, just as I wouldn’t hit them, so I shouldn’t hit myself. Sometimes it even helped to pretend to myself that inanimate objects could feel pain – if I felt like kicking a wall, instead of telling myself, ‘It’ll hurt my foot, and I might break a bone and have to take time off work,’ I pretended that the wall could feel pain, and patted it reassuringly instead of kicking it. It would have looked daft if anyone had been watching, but at least it was better than hurting myself.
I don’t know what techniques will work for you, but you are the expert on being you, so I expect you can find some. Experiment until you find out what works.
I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 7, tried committing suicide multiple times when I was younger (until the age of 11) but my brother stopped me. I would tell my mom but she’d threaten me by saying “If I’m truly suicidal it’s fine but then I’d need to go to a hospital for multiple days and have many people testing me and wouldn’t get to see family” and at 8-10 that was very scary to hear so when I’d say nevermind she’d say “Then you’re just dramatic”. Later at 15 I told her I cut myself and she said “That’s fine, but when you have sex someone will judge you” Now I’m just waiting till I’m 18 so I can see a psychiatrist. I know it’s hard but I just want to say please don’t give up on your life. Find something that keeps you going, for me it’s my dog. Because she’s around I know I can never ever kill myself and leave her and also that if I did then it would be unfair for my grandpa to see from heaven.
Also when I’ve told her I think I have depression she tells me I have ‘no reason to be depressed’ but you don’t need a reason right? But also if you did, my father was abusive, physically and emotionally and a tad sexually (would kinda grope me a bit or make comments, now he’s out of my life) So wouldn’t she be contradicting herself? Cause in her eyes I’d say I have a reason, but I don’t even think you need a reason to have a mental illness
Dear Lexie,
It’s appalling that your mother refuses to take your problems seriously, but I’m impressed that you are holding onto life and not giving up. You sound like a very brave, very mature and very independent person.
Are you really not allowed to see a psychiatrist until you’re 18? Is this about parental permission, or about money? I don’t know what country you live in, or whether it has publicly-funded healthcare that includes psychiatry and psychotherapy.
I’m glad that you have found a reason to keep going, as long as this doesn’t turn into the trap of thinking, ‘My dog is my only reason for living, so when she dies, I can kill myself.’ But if you’ve got her for now, I hope she can give you the confidence to make other friends (whether human or animal). We all matter as individuals, not just in relationship to others, but equally we evolved/were created to be a social species, and are most fully ourselves when we are friends with other beings (whether pets or humans).
You are absolutely right that you don’t need a ‘reason’ to have a mental illness. That is as absurd as if, when I had first started having seizures, someone had told me, ‘We can’t find an obvious cause, as you don’t use drugs and don’t have a head injury, therefore you don’t have epilepsy and must be faking it.’ But then, with physical conditions, it is more clear-cut what is or isn’t an illness, whereas depression can be somewhere in the grey area between being an illness and a rational response to having had bad experiences. It sounds as though your mother doesn’t want to believe that you have had bad experiences (because this would make her feel bad about having failed to protect you) but doesn’t want to believe in mental illness either. My father’s attitude is a bit like that (mercifully, my mother is a lot more realistic).
But the important thing is that YOU know that your mother’s attitude doesn’t make sense, and you’re working at surviving. You sound like the sort of person the world needs – please live!
I’m so scared to tell my parents what if they tell me I shouldn’t feel this way or it’s my fault..
What you’re going through is real. I was a teacher working with high school students feeling the same way. I felt same thing as you when I was your age…my mom is not a mother…never was & never will be. It was difficult going through the steps accepting the sad truth. My mother has both a drug addiction & an alcoholic. She has pushed away everyone in our family…her children(2), grandchildren (5), husband (my dad…who is wonderful, loving & has always been there for all of us but at same time my mom (narcissist) has continued to threaten my dad if he has relationship with us. She has gone so far as to “choke herself” with red marks around her neck (when drunk) then call police saying my dad did & had him arrested. This has happened several times. She does this out of spite when she has overdosed & my dad had to call 911. This has happened (overdose) at least 20 times that I know of & sure there’s more that I don’t know. My mom doctor shops, finds drugs on internet in addition to all her doctor appointments. I now know she is a narcissist thanks to therapy sessions. Our entire family (including my dad) have come to terms with knowing she will NEVER change…it’s been over 30 years…the first 25 years was wishful thinking, several interventions (with no success), begging, young 5 grandchildren wondering what happened & heartbreaking since at one point had a normal relationship with their “Babcia” (polish for grandma) and extremely difficult for my sister & I along w/my husband & brother in law attempting to “cover” her erratic behavior. For everyone reading this…with similar story…
*you are not alone
*rest assure it’s not hereditary
*you can break the cycle” as I did with your own life/family
*I was always told I was the “black sheep” and I’ll never forget my dear friend saying “you’re not the black sheep…you’re the white sheep” hearing that stuck with me & always share this story to others bc it put things in perspective. My husband and I made a pack our daughter’s would never go through what I did. I’ve always felt before, during & currently, there’s nothing more important than family, watching your children grow, being involved parents which is the biggest reward. Although my mother never had the same feeling & difficult to understand as a young child….I thank God knowing/having natural intuition & desire for having raised our 3 beautiful, smart, caring, responsible, ethical daughters. Nothing more important than family. Unfortunately, my drug addicted mom is missing out on something we know she’ll regret. We have all learned that you can’t change someone unless they want to themselves. After 20 years of trying, it was time to finally accept her decisions & have mourned her already since it’s only a matter of time. Sad but her choice.
That’s what my mom said to me. I wish I’d never told her at all. Hope it goes differently for you.
I have no idea what to do and its getting worst each day and I can’t handle life no more I’m so sorry if I ever give up on life. It’s just so hard to tell my parents or anyone because they don’t understand. I have no one to tell my problems about I need to keep it to myself and when I tried opening up to my parents they told me I was just sad and it was a one time thing, so I went along with it even though I didn’t really agree with them. Now I can’t with life as they keep bringing me down with their “jokes” about my problems I know they don’t know about my self harming problem, but I guess it is my fault for not speaking out. I hope it gets better and for now I hate it here.
I want you to live.
my mom always thinks I’m out to hurt her whenever I try to tell her, I really need the professional help but I’m scared from her past reactions with it.
I had all those type of problems since I was 10 and actually still have these problems, over still being scared to tell them it’s been getting worse and I feel it as my fault…
French,
It must be so painful to feel your emotional problems are your fault. Very often, when people feel that way it’s just not true. They blame themselves for feelings caused by depression, stress, trauma, or something else outside their control. One reason it’s good to share these feelings with your parents is that they hopefully can help you to sort through them, to feel differently about yourself, and to get help. So, I hope you’ll consider telling them. I can’t know how they’ll respond, of course, but it seems clear that being alone with your pain and feeling bad about yourself isn’t helping.
Thanks for sharing here. I hope that you’ll feel better about yourself soon.
Does a person who suffer from PTSD/CPTSD feel suicidal? Is it normal? I have CPTSD and this immense pain shows me no other way. Any help could be my last ray of hope.
I just told my mum right now, she got angry at me and acted as if I told her to hurt her. Afterward I spent 25 minutes trying to get her to speak to me, I have now given up and gone to my room.
Jamie, please be patient with your mum’s response. Anytime your child hurts, you hurt too. It’s a response based on fear. This is about you and your pain, not hers. Be gentle but direct. Tell her you are hurting and you need her help. Ask her to please talk to you when she is ready to listen. In the mean time. Make a list of things that make you smile. Things you love and things you value. Improve the moment. You are loved and your are worth it.
Whenever I tell my mom that I’m feeling suicidal, she just straightaway tell me that I actually don’t feel this way and it’s sinful to think that and it hurts because she’s the one in denial when I just want to be heard.
I told my mum and she laughed and said don’t make it messy. Now when we argue she tells me to go kill myself and do everyone a favour.
that is horrible, please don’t listen to her. I know you probably want to really bad but please keep on. i cant really tell you what you have to live for because I don’t really know what I have to live for. to be honest I also want to die, and I’m afraid to tell my mom about it. just please live on, and I hope one day you can find something that will make you want to keep existing, or get some kind of help so you can feel better.
Planning on telling my mom tonight, feeling nervous af, but I’ve talked to her about stuff similar so I feel like it might be okay. Hope I get some sort of help because it got worse this afternoon when I looked through my grades, I was on a trip to Virginia for my Uncle’s funeral (So I couldn’t do any schoolwork since I was too busy.) I want to try doing all the missing assignments but it is way too overwhelming. Anyway thanks for reading this shitty comment lol.
I honestly can’t tell them. They freak out and call me selfish. which makes it worse. I’m so close….
When I was being bullied and I had no friends, I told my family that I hated my life, they called me ungrateful and that I have an amazing life that other people would want to have. This was years ago, this is the reason I am scared of telling them that I feel suicidal and that I’m scared that I might commit suicide. I am 15, I don’t know what to do.
My mother is very kind and understanding, so I’m not worried about getting help. But I am the third child out of seven, so I always worry about being more of a burden than the rest of my siblings. I have a chronic illness, so I already cause her and my dad a lot of stress. I have eight doctor appointments per year for my chronic illness and its complications, plus normal appointments. When I brought up counseling for anxiety and depression a few months ago, she asked if I wanted another doctor’s appointment. I know if I need it she’ll get me counseling, but I don’t want to need more time for my medical needs. When I realized I was passively suicidal and was developing an eating disorder, I decided I would ask again for counseling. I had my first appointment set for the week after quarantine officially started, but then I had her cancel it because I didn’t want my first appointment to be over the phone. Now I need to ask for counseling again, but I’m scared she’ll get annoyed about having to set up another appointment. Two weeks ago my older brother had major surgery and will be in recovery a few months. I don’t want to burden her any more than I already am, but I don’t know what else I can do. My mental state keeps deteriorating, and I keep blaming myself for it. When I let my depression get worse at the beginning of this school year, I told myself I couldn’t do anything that would cause permanent physical damage, so no cutting, no eating disorder, and no suicide attempts. Now I’m close to breaking all of those restrictions, and I’m scared.
Nervous,
I’m grateful you reached out. I don’t know you or your mother, but I’d say the chances are high that she’d rather get you help now for your suffering than find out after your problems cause you to harm yourself in some way. You are not a burden, and your emotional pain is not your fault. Please let her know what you need. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text 741741 to talk/text with someone about what you’re going through. Thanks for sharing here!
I used to be bullied a lot in grade school. I dont know if I was oblivious or was just super strong mentally but I didnt let it bother me much. I think I got through it because of my family. But when I got to high school, things became different. I was actually popular and started to put my friends over my family. I think that really hurt my realtionship with my family. Now Im a sophomore, about to be a junior and it seems that my friends would rather hang out without me. And I know that people here are going through way more than I am but it hurts. I let down my guard because I really thought they cared about me but they dont. And at home its even worse. My parents think my sadness is just laziness. I dont feel like getting out of bed anymore. They take all the things that make me happy like my phone and they dont give it back for days. And sometimes I think that thats why my friends dont like me as much. Recently, Ive walked out of the house and slept outside my grandmas house a couple blocks away. And instead of asking me about whats going on, my parents just threaten to send me away or delete everything on my phone. And my phone is very important. Its how I see if my friends are hanging without me. When I dont have my phone, I start thinking about them probably having fun without me. If youve made it this far, Im sorry about the mess. Theres just so much going on in my life that its kinda messy. One of my friends always makes fun of me and how Im gonna be a virgin the rest of my life and that Im never gonna get a girlfriend and he always tells me hes joking when were talking in private but it really does hurt me becasue while everyone is going on dates and stuff like that, Im stuck at home wondering why no one likes me. I recently tried to shoot my shot with this one girl and she rejected me, saying that we were too good of friends and that she wasnt looking for a relationship right now. But she goes and tries to get with another guy the next week. One last thing. Football season is coming up and Im huge for my size, like theres only two other linemen my size in my town and many people tell me I have potential but my same friend tells me Im shit and now Im starting to believe it and Im scared for this upcoming season.
I get that. Its like your only source of reassurance comes from your friends, but what happens when you don’t have that either? It almost seems as if your friends are kind of toxic, whether it be joking or not it’s weird. My friend used to do that to me and I talked to her about it, why she said what she did. It was basically just jealousy and boredom. As a rising junior myself, I get it. There are SO many things going on right now. I find it really hard to deal with everything but I’ve found comfort in knowing I’m not alone. Just so you know, sadness is never laziness. When that happens its often because you’re tired, not physically but mentally. My parents do the same thing, when I feel down its “victim” mentality or whatever. I thinks its struggling with accepting ourselves, whatever that may mean to you. I hope you realize you’re more than your friends perceptions but until then stay strong, you seem like a great guy! Also, don’t worry about the gf thing, you cant force/rush these things.
I’m so sad most of the time. I’m homeschooled and have no friends. I’m constantly surrounded by my family and we barely talk. I’m the the type of person who gets into tons of arguments with my parents, not because I want to but because I feel like I need to. We argue about petty stuff most of the time, but whenever it’s important and its something I feel strongly about they dismiss my feelings. My sister is a huge crybaby. She grew up crying for basically everything and anything. My parents would laugh at her and say she was overreacting and I would laugh along because I was younger and didn’t know any better. Regardless of whether she was overreacting or not, we shouldn’t have dismissed her feelings. I don’t cry a lot. My parents constantly tell how PROUD they are that I’m not a crybaby. So I don’t cry. I don’t want to be dismissed or ridiculed like my sister, so I don’t. But there are times when I do cry and I wanted nothing more then for someone to tell me ‘Are you okay?’ ‘What’s the matter?’, instead of looked upon uncomfortable eyes that judge me. Saying stuff like ‘Are you gonna stop soon?’ Or ‘Stop playing the victim.’. That’s my problem. I bottle my emotions to much that when they erupt, my parents don’t know what to do. They say tons of stuff to me in the heat of the moment at times that even though I know they don’t mean it, I listen to their words and play it on loop in my head. I supposedly constantly cause arguements and I am always playing the victim. I don’t really know If I’m playing the victim, but I just want someone to hear. Some to WANT to hear me. I told my mom that I wanted to commit suicide about a year ago and she asked me the reasons. I didn’t have none, I just felt like it. She looked at me like I was an idiot and told me I would get over it and that it was just a phase. I ask my parents and sister a lot when we fight why they’re angry, or why are they sad(in my sisters case) and they don’t know what to and say ‘there you go playing the victim again because you want to make yourself feel better.’. I think I played the ‘Who cried wolf’s a bit too much because I constantly say I’m sad and nobody listens. I hope I learn to love myself someday for who I am and not let my thoughts get the better of me. I know I’m loved. But I wanna FEEL loved.
my parents are number 8….
same they say its just for attention and im looking for a response
I really want to kill myself because my grandparents are treating me wrong and they don’t believe anything I tell them
Please don’t. Give yourself some time to think, please. You’re too important for us all to lose.
When i was a kid my stepdad would beat me and cuss at my mom. i have also been cheated on by multiple girls. i have tried to commit suicide. I also think about suicide daily and i feel like i am a complete screw up. i have felt this way for a while know. i have lost the last two jobs i have had and i also quit going to college because i am too stupid to understand what they where trying to teach me. i have been trying to get back on my feet but i am struggling and i dont know what to do. like i said i feel like commiting sucide everyday. even on my good day. i still sometime think about killing myself. the next time i try i am going to use a gun. Also sometimes i lose my shit and want to hurt others and myself.
please don’t hurt yourself. try reaching out to somebody close to you
I also feel that way I was never beat and I want to kill my self because what’s the point of me staying in the same life and nobody believes me.
OMG same and everyone keeps telling me “you cant do it” or “things will get better” but i feel like i have no purpose or as if i wasnt really meant to be alive. And i cant always have suicide on my mind.
I stumbled on this blog after I read the blog that said the things that we should not say to a person who feels suicidal. This is yet another insightful blog shedding light on the travails and tribulations of today’s teenagers and their weakening bonds with their parents. The points mentioned in this blog are definitely relevant and very accurate.
Tonight I called my mom because she wasn’t answering her phone..I texted her multiple times asking for help so I called..and she immediately raged when she answered the phone..I begged for her help and even when I convinced her to at least sit down and talk to me about it she had a really hateful attitude towards me. At first she was going to call the hospital but I told her that I didn’t want it and that I just wanted her love and support and just for her to listen to me. I just wanted to lay in her lap and cry and tell her what’s wrong. But she sat on the floor about 8 feet away from my bed and was being hateful the whole time saying things like “it’s 4 in the morning, If you would have went to sleep this wouldn’t be happening” then I explained that I couldn’t sleep because of my anxiety and she said “well you’re not going to school so you got what you wanted” and I told her that school wasn’t what I’m worried about. She thinks that every time I come to her like this it’s to get out of school when really I just want her help. I love my mom so much and she sometimes shows me that she cares but it’s never when I need her most..Is it my fault that she doesn’t want to help? How do I convince her to love me? What do I do to make her want to hold me and tell me everything is gonna be okay without her getting mad at me?(btw my dad is worse. He just screams at me and doesn’t ever seem interested in me so I gave up on asking him for help a long time ago)
I’m pretty young to have thoughts about killing myself but I do, I live in a household of 4 people me, my brother(older), my mom, and my dad. My parents always work most of the time so I can’t really see them and I spend most of the time with my brother, but we don’t get along and sometimes he hurts me and said he should’ve killed me a long time ago. I don’t tell my parents because I always think they would never understand because I live in a family with Asians. I remember in the past I would used to cry and when they said what was wrong I told them that they never seemed to care about me and they told me they do and to get over it, so I just stopped crying when they were home and cried quietly alone. Ever since that time I haven’t really acted like I was depressed because I didn’t want them to worry and I didn’t want to tell them so I pretended I was alright, now I cry by myself all the time and wish that I had a new family or wish I had never been born. I now just want to end my life and nobody will probably care, except people who say they do just because they feel bad.
The pain and sadness you are feeling must be overwhelming, especially since no one knows how much you hurt inside. You sound like a smart kid and that you are reaching out here, shows that you know and want help. If you cant talk to your parents, then pick someone you know and trust. A teacher, a friend or their parent? If you feel there is no one, then call this number. They can guide you to get the help you need.
1-800-273-8255
You have value, you are loved. Sometimes parents get caught up in their own lives trying to provide a living, and forget those who they are working so hard for need them in their life.
If you need to talk to someone you can talk to a counselor or therapist and tell them your situation
I’m so sorry. Maybe tell her on a weekend or when u dont have school the next day so she cant use that against you. Try talking to your school counselor too.
When I tell my Mom I want to die, she calls me a stupid brat.
I don’t have many friends to talk to and I have trust issues so I don’t usually tell people how I feel and i have suicidal thoughts cause my parents are pressuring me what do I do.. I know they will get angry if I told them and I have stress from school after school I get pressured by my parents the only thing that makes me feel peace is video games now I can’t play video games anymore cause of my parents and I’m beginning to stress more I really want to kms..
if I told my mom I felt like kms shed probably just beat me
same
I need help
Jocelyn,
I hope you get help. Counseling isn’t provided on this site. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741. Someone there can help you!
my friend had suicidal thought when he was home schooled and his parents fought a lot and they threaten to get divorced and he ran away from home (a year ago) he hid in a Walmart bathroom and cried. and then his parents put him in regular school a couple of months ago, he says he doesn’t have them any more.
I have tried to kill myself three times and when I told my mom she thought I just wanted attention until she realized something was actually going on I still think about it but I don’t want to tell her because I just feel worse when she locks sharp stuff away because it makes me feel like a baby but I’m really lucky I have friends who can sense when something is going on the reason I am not dead right now is because they always have this sense cuz whenever I have tried they just happen to call and when I was too young to have a phone I heard my parents and I dropped the knife and ran away
Thankful for friends,
I’m thankful for your friends, too. It’s great that they are there for you. Thanks for sharing here.
My dad called me ungrateful and proceeded to be mad at me. This was right after I told my counselor that I wanted to die and I’ve thought about it. He yelled at me and everything. Right after he was like I forgive u, even though it wasn’t my fault for feeling like that. Since then I don’t share my feelings because all they do is get my dad angry. I feel like my emotional state is messed up now, even though it’s been a year. It hurts still when I think about it.
I also need your opinion, my dad can get angry. When he does he usually will hit us or smack us but it’s mostly like on the face. Now whenever he brings his hand up to do it I flinch but I don’t cry due to it’s been happening for years and I’ve got used to it. Is this normal…?
1 year ago,
I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how hurt and lonely you must have felt after confiding your suicidal thoughts and then being treated as if you did something wrong. You did NOT do anything wrong, and I’m grateful you recognize that!
As for your father hitting you, no, it is not normal and it is not ok. If you live in the United States and if I knew your identity, I would be required by law to make a report. I’m sorry he hits you. You do not deserve that. Nobody does.
If you live in the U.S., please text the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or call the National Lifeline for help at 800-273-8255 (TALK). You can also email me at speakingofsuicide@gmail.com if you’d like for me to try to get you some help about your father’s hitting you.
Thank you for sharing here! Please take care, and remember things can change for the better.
My brother was suicidal i remember him telling us and our parents thinking it was joke and laughed at him , i was five, few weeks later he was acting so nice to everyone and the next day, we came home and my mom went to go check on him and all i hear is screaming so my dad runs up, so do i and before i look into the room i see my DAD crying and i never ever seen him cry so i look and there was my only brother dead. i remember running to him and trying to wake him up but i was still young to understand what happened but i knew he was gone. I still have that image in my head of him and won’t go away. So now i have suicidal thoughts and i’m sad and my parents were saying it was their fault that he died and that they just laughed at him to the cops and now i am scared to tell someone my feeling and it hurts keeping it inside. i hope none of you have to go through the things i have been through and this is just one of the things that happened to me and more things that are just killing me inside.
[This comment was edited, per the Comments Policy. — SF]
My bro is very depressed, & angry after being in Marines. He says he doesn’t want to leave his 10 yo. I don’t really believe him. Should I?
Cindy,
I’m sorry, it’s impossible for me to know if you should believe him. If you want to talk it through with someone, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or use the Crisis Text Line at 741-741.
I straight up asked my mom for therapy and I’ve been building up courage for weeks to do that and she completely dismisses me and didn’t take it seriously. I want it so bad because I’ve been on the brink of ending it because of my parents and I need a way to get help without them knowing.
I’m so sorry that you’ve been on the brink of suicide, and that your mom didn’t take you seriously when you asked for help. Maybe try again? You could show her your comment published here. Combined with the article itself, maybe it would motivate her to pay attention to how serious your need for therapy is.
You could also talk to a teacher or school counselor or coach or minister/rabbi/imam. Or you could tell your doctor. They could contact your parents and communicate to them how important it is to get you help.
Other options are to text “HELP” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741, or to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255, or to use one of the other resources at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
I hope you get help soon!
I love my daughter. I will do everything I can to protect her. When I noticed something was wrong and confronted her, she was devastated and said killing her self might be the answer. WE both cried. I confronted the biggest bully in her life–her father. I found a good therapist. I fought family members, lawyers, child advocates and the court system. I did not want to medicate her because she is truly gifted and did not want to dull her senses, but I kept her in drawing tablets. She has begun to heal. She is openly gay. I will support her no matter what. I know not everyone has a mom like me, but there are people out there who love you unconditionally and will listen. Find them. You are beautiful. You have value and purpose. You are loved.
My friend is suicidal, as am I, but I need to put my thoughts on hold for her. I don’t want her to feel like I feel, so I tell her the opposite of what I’m thinking of doing: ending my life. I to started to talk to my mom about this, but she told me my friend was just being attention seeking. She literally called me attention seeking without realizing it. I am most definitely never going to tell her about my thoughts buT it still hurts to know that is what she thinks about people like that.
I think it’s scary to be 15 and the only thing on my mind is suicide
I agree, that’s very scary! I hope you will tell an adult about your suicidal thoughts, like your parents or another family member, a teacher, your doctor, your minister, or a friend’s parent. You can also text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or use one of the other resources listed at http://www.SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
same. Im 15 now and I am becoming more suicidal and I don’t know what to do. my mom wont believe me if I told her so I just keep my mouth shut.
My mom is number 5 and 8, later she’d call me names like attention whore, how a failure i am and then Im depressed and starting to binge then throw up,slapping my face, hitting my own head with hand or to the wall (help me).Usually when everything is just normal and suddenly mom calling me names,all I can think is how I want this pain to end (sometimes I imagine what if I had an accident and die on scene or what if I stab myself,the list go on..).I grew up in VERY strict parenting where my mom will never allow me to hang out with my classmates so I dont really know how to make a friend.
Leen,
This sounds truly awful. I would like to try to connect you with help in your area. Please email me at speakingofsuicide@gmail.com so that we can communicate privately.
Also please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (in N. America) for immediate help for your suicidal thoughts, or even the police in your area about the physical abuse that you describe, if you feel safe to do so.
No because they think we r lieingg like why would I lie it makes me want to die more and more stop thinking you KNOW Everything cause you don’t ?
Buddha was right, life is suffering. Everyone, everywhere will suffer in one way or another, there is no escape from it. My sincerest hope is that every young person who posted here finds a way to cope with their suffering and manage to experience some joy and happiness in their lives and that you all grow up to become responsible adults that have children of your own giving you all the opportunity to shower them with the love, patience and understanding that may not have been given to you all by your parents. Still, parents are human beings and they are not perfect, either. Some of them are full of many imperfections. For those of you who have to endure them, I hope you can forgive your parents. I know it seems rough now, but give yourself a chance. Don’t give up on yourself or end it all just to spite them. Instead carry on and fight and become what they weren’t. Grow up and be a better parent to your son and daughter than your parents were to you. I guess that is as good a thing to live for as any.
I’m 13, and I’ve been depressed for 4 years. At first, it was so minor nobody noticed, then I started hanging out with others who had severe depression. I got worse, they showed me how to cut myself without anyone noticing. My parents noticed and they called me out by calling me a useless attention whore. Then they found out that I had a girlfriend. (I’m bisexual) They’re very Christian and very very homophobic. They stopped talking to me and they wouldn’t even look at me. I got way worse over the summer because I began gaining weight and people would make fun of me for it. I became anorexic/bulimic. I started cutting my sides, thighs, and wrist, I would do anything I could to hurt myself. They never noticed. I’ve tried asking for help, my doctor has told them I need help. They refuse to help me. My grades are dropping and they’re so mad, they keep saying what a disappointment I am, and how I do everything for attention. I’ve attempted suicide more times than I can count, they know that too. They don’t care. My sister is autistic and has a lot of medical issues so they give her all of the attention and love they can, and they just ignore me. The only reason I haven’t killed myself already is that they’ve lost 4 unborn babies and I don’t know how my family would react to losing another child. (twins had to be aborted because they were spreading their cancer to my mom, and two miscarriages) My friends ignore me when I try talking to them about my problems, and they laugh and make fun of me for it. My boyfriend is the only one who’s doing anything to help me with my eating disorders and self-harm. Bullies have noticed the scars on my wrists and they’ve gotten more brutal. I don’t know if I can keep living like this for much longer…..
All I can say is… no matter how alone you are, you aren’t alone. I am a 14 year old bisexual girl living in an extremely homophobic church environment. I also struggle with very severe depression and anxiety and anorexia and have been through a lot of abuse and bullying. It’s so hard to find a reason not to just end it all, but just know your boyfriend and people you would never even think of love you so much.
Your comment reminds me a lot of my own childhood. I am so sorry you have to grow up in an environment where you do not feel loved or valued or safe. I could write to you a short paragraph about how it gets better and easier once you are older and move away, choosing a new family (a significant other, friends, pets, etc.) who will love and accept you for who you are and not make fun of you for how you look or for literally lacking the will to live or care for yourself. I am 22 years old now, and I am still learning who I am and how to love myself after spending most of my life putting on a play for my “friends” and “family” who wanted me to pretend to be happy and mocked me when I even hinted that my brain was screaming 24/7 to kill myself because I truly believed I was a worthless pit of human misery. It is not even remotely easy to learn to love yourself after being taught by the people who are supposed to love you that you have no value…
But their actions say far more about themselves than about you. My father, for instance, was extremely physically and emotionally abusive toward me, and I learned in therapy (pretty recently) that these negative beliefs he instilled in me about myself were never really about me. He took his anger out on his helpless children instead of handling his emotions like an adult and getting the psychiatric help he so desperately needed. In middle school and high school especially, it seems, some kids like to inflict suffering upon others to make themselves feel better or like they have power and a sense of control in their life. There were times I bullied my younger brother, I think as a way to release anger from our father doing the same thing to me, and I deeply regret it. I was also bullied at school from 6th grade until graduation because I did not like to dress “girly” and have a deep voice and was extremely shy and anxious all the time.
You are not perfect; no one is. But you are NOT a bad person, and you do not deserve to be treated so poorly. You deserve love and acceptance from others and from yourself. Do not lose hope that some day you will meet good people, friends who are not backstabbers or superficial. I used to sleep all day and only get up for school, limit myself to less than 600 calories a day for months at a time, and take my Father’s loaded handgun and stare down the barrel… I changed the way I dressed and spent at least 2 hours every day before school doing my hair and makeup so others would stop calling me an ugly man or “it.” So then they called me stuck-up and bitchy instead. But in reality I just wanted their approval, and I was too paralyzed with the fear that I am obnoxious and dumb to speak to anyone…
It was not easy, but eventually I decided to just stop trying to please the assholes all around me since I had tried for 16 years and failed so miserably. So I shaved my head my senior year, took extra classes and graduated high school a year early, and then moved across the country for college and met some of the most wonderful people I have ever known. It is not easy. I still have days where I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. But somedays I get up now, and I actually look forward to being alive. It’s like giving my shitty father and all the people who ever bullied me a giant middle finger, to wake up and actually enjoy being alive.
It does get better eventually. You learn to live with your intrusive thoughts and negative self-talk, and you get to determine the direction your life will go in now that it is in your own control. I hope that me sharing my story has helped you in some way. I consider myself agnostic, but sometimes I still find myself praying to whatever might be up there. You are in my thoughts and prayers, whatever good that may do.
If you are religious, know that God loves you just the way you are. There is nothing Christian about judging someone for being bisexual. Don’t complain of the sawdust in your neighbor’s eye when there is a log in your own, as the saying goes. I think it is awesome you are open about your sexuality in high school. Some people live most of their lives too scared to come out due to fear of judgement. You are far stronger than you think.
Good luck, hun. It can be a cruel world, but know that there are just as many good people out there who want to make this world a better place. Don’t lose faith in all of humanity because you happen to live somewhere with a high population of assholes, and don’t forget that YOU are a beautiful child of the universe, and YOU deserve all of the love this world has to give.
Anon,
Thank you for sharing your experiences with the world. You have endured so much in your life and I am sorry you had to go through all that pain. But you are sharing with others in a positive way and so many will be so grateful for your words. I’m a mother of a daughter who attempted suicide twice. It was one of the most difficult times in my life. But after reading your story helping others I see how my daughter must have felt so many times. You seem to have such a beautiful soul and a wonderful way of expressing it. Thank you and may you continue to heal and help others. Enjoy life too. You are truly gifted with your words.
So my mom called me a bitch twice. She also called me a hoe. Idk if thats normal but anyways, my parents dont know how i feel at all. I have anxiety, im bipolar, and sometimes feel like i wanna kill myself. I feel like one day, im going to get so tired of life, that i might acually do kill myself. But i feel like i have no one to talk to
Why am I reading this site and responding to you? I am a female… About two ago, I was just turning 15 years old. I told my parents about my thoughts after having my thoughts for three years on my own without anyone knowing or hearing about it from my mouth. Not everybody has the guts to continue onto suicide. I did try attempting suicide, but never really allowed myself to let myself go from this world. I would always wake up from the pills and stop the bleeding in time. Middle of 10th grade, I had told my school, they had called my parents. When my parents saw my scars and heard about my thoughts, they had gotten mad at me but my parents do love me, which made them take action of my thoughts. Bring me into a hospital, two weeks later, I was out of the hospital getting outside help before entering school. Now the middle of the junior year and struggling to the lowest ability of suicidal thoughts.
Reading this site has brought me more open and happier because I know now, after two years of dealing with suicidal thoughts at the highest risk, that I can understand on why I was in pain and how I recovered from that pain. I do recommend speaking to somebody, even if that means going on sites and just talking to random people about your feelings. The only way to stop acting on your thoughts will be speaking and hearing yourself out loud about it. I am here to speak and listen to anybody forward on. Contact me below…
So to answer your question… Not everyone is the same. Parents could react to your thoughts or not react. If you want to contact more or have questions about anything… My number is: (847) 915-0289
whenever I try to tell my mom im feeling depressed she just tells me that my problems don’t equate to hers and basically that im overreacting. she is actually a big part of the feelings im having but I guess because she pays for a roof over my head I should just shut up lol. we used to have such a cool relationship but now it seems as if im just in her way. I feel like im drowning because she’s literally the only person I feel I can confide in.
My mom thinks it’s for attention. I do not have depression (I think). But, I am sad all the time and all i want is for my mom to listen and not make any comments about it. I want her to believe me, her daughter, and support me. I am tired of feeling alone.
I loved your article but what about the parents that were suicidal and they don’t believe you then you cut yourself they believe you but they beat yourself up as they talk to more people but they never heard you out so then you cut more or actually kill yourself or try to talk to them again but they just don’t believe you. Just saying but besides that this was really good and I would go to this if I was a parent by the way I’m a kid.
My parents say “Why do you always think about this?” This makes me feel that they don’t care about me. It makes me feel more worthless than usual. So I never told my parents. I really need someone to talk to but even if I want to talk about it, I hide it.
I am thinking of doing sucide because my life is bad I get bullied.My parents are mean and I have not thing to do,and am try to stop preventing sucide
<3 <3 please talk to someone. there are so many people out there who love you, even if they don't show it all the time. everyone's life is precious. hold on. you are strong and capable. just wait. good things come from the bad. ik its painful. just hang in there. easier said than done. but you have to trust me. things will get better and people are there for you.
My mom would probably laugh or scold me. She’s “christian” so I dont know what else to think. :/ help me pls.
If I told my mom sh would start going off about how she’s a bad mother and how it’s all my dad’s fault (they are divorced) and how I should go live with him if I’m really unhappy here. She doesn’t let me use my phone to call my friends when I’m feeling depressed or anxious, and gets mad at me every time I use my phone. I can’t tell her cause she’ll get mad at me, tell my brother, blame my friends, and not let me out of her sight. What should I do / How can I contact my friends without her knowing?
i told my mom i wanted to die and she made fun of me so no
Every time I try to tell my mom about my suicidal thoughts she just says I need to take you to the hospital.
The problems I used to have were the numbers 3,4,5,6 and especially 8
In such a situation parents should have more patience and then act accordingly. Parents should also be educated about what and how to act in such a case.
I’m 12 an I’m really sad and I wanna kill myself so much if tried to do it but my friend stopped me. At the minute I have no friends because they blame me for everything. My sister use to be depressed so my family think I’m putting an act on but I think now my mum has realised how I feel. Because everyday I come home from school I run upstairs crying and my mum comes in and sees the sad look in my eyes but there are times when I feel my family doesn’t love me. I have 3 other siblings 2 do dance and 1 does football. My school knows how I feel and want to help me but I
feel like they can’t help me. In my opinion I’m too far gone for help I cut myself then cover it up with makeup so my parents don’t see.
I am sure if I told my mom about my depression she would put me in a loony bin
i feel my parents do not care because they dismiss my sadness for being a spoiled brat. they’ll say that i don’t have a reason to be sad, and it’s only because i don’t set limits for myself. that made it worse, and when they figured out i was cutting myself they told me i was crazy and that they didn’t deserve this.
My parents won’t take me seriously enough to let me tell them. It makes me feel like hanging myself and I don’t know how to stop thinking of suicide.
And if I try to make them listen they yell at me and it hurts me even more. What should I do?
thanks
If God is real, then how come he hasn’t answered any of my prayers of hope, salvation, or any of that?.. Why am I still waiting?.. I’ve been waiting for 3 years now…
Some have been waiting more than you have and still believe in God
While I’m still just a kid, and I am a Christian that had former suicidal thoughts, I had to wait around the same time too until I finally found happiness and people that were able to bring me happiness. Really the key to not having suicidal thoughts is to find the good things in life and focus on that and try your best not to focus on the negative things. If you have any sort of drive that still has you being alive, focus on that, if you don’t, find something, anything (that doesnt harm others), that makes you feel happy or a passion that you love, you may have not found that passion now (and that’s why it’s good to try different things that are essentially good for you), but if you look for it you’ll find it. I want you to know that even if I don’t know you personally, I still care about you and every single person
I don’t know if I can just walk up to them and be brief about it. If I do, they will probably just yell at me to not do it and that I’m an ungrateful little sh**, who isn’t thankful for anything, blah blah blah, I should be thankful that I have blah blah blah.
i hate myself
yes me too
same
that is not true. After a suicide attempt..right when i got home my mom told me that i did it for attention and to manipulate her and she made jokes of suicide and every time we got in a one sided argument (one sided as in i cant defend myself) she told me ¨You better not be thinking about killing yourself¨ in an angry voice and she makes many unwanted suicide jokes or says ¨Haha better not be you because you want to kill yourself for anything¨
so no if you do not trust your parent to take it ok then talk to another adult who will listen like a school councilor or call a suicide prevention hotline because parents will not always listen and or understand.
Yeah I agree. My mom yelled at me for having a panic attack in the car and said I was doing it for attention. She felt no remorse and made me feel so much worse and even more sure that she doesn’t care. She tries to use stuff like “I give you so much so stop complaining” but just because someone has a lot of material stuff that doesn’t make up for the emotional psychological pain that I go through. Even with self harm she never seemed to try and check on me or ask if I need help.
I was on accutane for 6 months which is a acne medication and I really needed it. I was dating a girl at the time and it going great but my grades were dropping and I couldn’t take all the stress from my parents and school. Then i found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me and I went crazy, I started acting out and I became very depressed to the point of where I swallowed a bag full of Advil. I also starting cutting myself and my friends knew I wasn’t okay. I was 10 mins away from being gone and I regret that decision till this day. It’s been a year since and I still have thoughts about doing it but I have people to talk to and I am very happy I have those people.
IM THINKING BOUT DOING IT SO MANY TIMES I HAD TO BE STOPPED
Im 13 almost 14 and I have thought about suicidal alot of time and my mom helped me through it
When I told my mom about suicidal thoughts she got really defensive and said that if I’m going to kill myself she was going to kill her self too. I think she said it to comfort me but it just made my hate myself more. And made my realize that I’m a shit person. I feel every little movement or every time I talk I’ll always be judged. I will always regret telling my mom about my suicidal thoughts .
I feel lonely,i cant open myself to my mom,i have started to cutting myself,but my mom doesn’t notice my hands yet! I don’t know how to talk to her..I feel so alone
This happens to alot of kids. They don’t talk to parents in fear of them being disappointed, mad, etc..it is a hard thing to do but I can say as a parent myself ur mom loves u unconditionally no matter what so talk to her. If u don’t know how to say it to her face write her a letter explaining how u feel and that u need her support and help in getting into therapy or counseling. U will feel so much better if u do get the proper help u need. And I promise ur mom will still love u and be more supportive than u think..try it
I CUT
me too I know your pain
When I was a teenager, I remember trying to talk to my mom about it, and she proceeded to mock me that I was a stupid kid and that I didn’t know what sadness was. My father was mentally abusive. I felt like the stupidest piece of shit for my depression. Years later as an adult, I learned that I had an underlying medical condition causing my severe depression. Once I got it treated it was like a switch was flipped. I confronted my parents about it, and they claimed they would never do such a thing. Seriously–they were the worst.
If I told my mum that I have suicidal thoughts and depression she would say I’m a drama queen and not believe me. Stuff like depression has never happened in my family so they’re wouldnt know how to act or take it. I just want to die
My mom would never listen because I tried explaining to her that I’m showing many signs of depression and she keeps telling everybody, “she keeps internet diagnosing her little problems” and shames me for ever thinking I am depressed. I could never tell her I want to kill myself becuase she would be like,”oh shut up, you are only saying that becuase you want to hurt me.”
It kills me inside because at this point I can’t get help. Just, one day I’ll be gone.
I’m going through the exact same thing. I’m 11.
I know and im just 11 also
me too. i dont know what to do
well im sorry for you maybe you should try and look strong im only 8 so i dont my mum my come and doing that
i’m 12 and this is quite accurate for me. i would cut myself and they said i was crazy and if i can cut myself then what could i do to them. every time i talked about it they flipped it over to them being the victims and how i am ungrateful and crazy.
I have already tried to tell my parents and they just won’t listen The only thing that I could think of was call the suicide hotline and when I did that I thought everything was fine until the next day they just started yelling at me cause a lady had to come talk to me about it and that’s when they started going crazy so I know that now and I don’t trust them at all cause I just get yelled at anyway I honestly don’t know what to do anymore they just don’t want to listen to me or understand me that’s why I feel alone and misunderstood and I was just called by my parents that I’m stupid cause I’m writing this while crying and I also feel like everything is my fault and that I’m ugly I don’t know what to do anymore and I need advice or help from someone
I know you don’t know me, but please know that you are wonderful, beautiful, and loved. Please know that there are people who care and will help you. my number is 318-704-1326 and you can call me anytime. I am a 41 year old mother of 6 and grandmother of 2. I hope to hear from you!!!! DONT HARM YOURSELF!!! You matter so much, you really do.
Thinking of you,
Kimberly Hataway
Hello. Just because they are your parents doesn’t mean that you have to love them. Sometimes family can hurt you the most. I am 15 and would love to help and be there when you need to talk. I can be here just to listen. Please email me and I will give you my phone number/social media or whatever you use.
Leoava03@icloud.com
I tried to ask for help but my parents called me stupid and dismissed it and said I don’t need help
my parents are already overprotective enough as it is and I feel like i will be bombarded with questions and i’ll never have a good amount of freedom, like I won’t even be able to go outside alone. I also don’t want to make them upset, although it’s there fault I felt like that in the first place. They always yelled at me, but never my brother for doing things. I always felt like they hated me, even though they don’t.
My mum doesn’t love me bcos am not her biological daughter she treats me differently nd starves me most of d time. It’s just so painful nd I feel like am worthless.
[This comment was edited to abide by the Comments Policy. – SF]
i want help but i cant get it when i need it the most
That happens to me too, and some of my friends also said the same thing. ??
My mom and step dad always fight. They always fight over the stupid things I do. Which makes me want to kill my self because then it might stop their fighting. I told my mom once that I want to die and she said I’m doing it for attention. So now I never tell her. Right now my mom and step dad are in a fight because I didn’t put my money in savings and that my room wasn’t cleaned when I left the house. I think my step dad is depressed due to being in debt. I know killing myself is not going to stop their fighting but I still have thoughts of killing myself. How can I help myself without telling my mom or going to counseling.
Anonymous,
I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that. It sounds very painful and lonely. You can talk to someone for free by phone or text 24/7. You can call 800.273.8255 (TALK) or text 741-741. I list other resources, too, at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp. I hope you’ll try one or more of these out.
i feel like trash every day
you are by no means trash!!! You are amazing and just don’t realize it yet.
hi im brianna
i have a crush on this guy but im scared cause he’s in jail and i never had the chance to tell him i how much i love him im scared he’s going to kill him self…
since the day i started middle school, i was told i would never be good enough, that i was wasting my potential. I know my parents wont say this to my face but I know they think it, they had one great child and one who they wished had never been born, im the one who should have never been born.
hello, i’m Brianna, i’m in grade seven and i have A.D.H.D…[i have bad grammar] …..i want to die …its been like this for a few years now…ever since my sister [shes ten]had to move away cause she was “unsafe” …then i couldnt hang out with any of my friends [they did weed] but the thing was that i cared way to much, care* [the thing is] and a bunch of girl friend boyfriend crap and ever since my sister left ive been cutting
hi im brianna im 11 and i want to die…. people have called me a slut and other names. my mother isnt letting me see my friends cuz they do weed..i told her i care about them.. i broke out at 6:00 to see them so they but a lock on the door i was done at that point she was yelling at me and so was my dad my dad yelled ”why are you cutting” i couldnt say anything but why would you ask that
my parents didn’t listen to me and it turns out I have borderline personality disorder. now they wont listen to my sister like in #8. I am glad you wrote this. I am an adult my sister is 13 and I plan on showing this to my mother and father. It is actually things like this that are driving me to get my degree in developmental psych.
I’ve read a lot of comments here. Every one of them seemed to come from a teen or pre-teen.
So, here is perhaps the first comment on this site to come from an adult. Not only an adult, but an NYT bestselling career author. And more importantly, a mother.
At times I want to hurt myself. More than that, I want to hurt things. Not living things mind you – just things. I crave destruction in and of itself.
I think about it now, the sound of breaking glass, the striking of a match, the way I could watch it all just go up in flames and never have to deal with ANY of it.
Ever again.
It’s the perfect violence of the act – the beautiful hurricane of sound and release – that I desire so much, it’s a pounding in my chest, a rushing of blood through my eardrums.
It’s the ultimate fulfillment: Passion and might, cause and effect, and finally emancipation.
I have to get it out. I. Must. Get. It. OUT.
I know everyone here recognizes this need, this fundamental life or death necessity that marks the line between sanity, normalcy, redundancy – and the final letting go that EVERYONE actually craves. Even the stiff upper lips. (Maybe especially them.)
We bring it upon ourselves by stuffing it all in, fuller and thicker and heavier and then slamming the door shut on it before any can leak out. Maybe a tiny bit does here and there. But we wipe it up and smile and nod and go through the motions of morning and night:
Wash your face,
Find some clothes,
try to eat,
try to drink,
ignore the hollow sensation,
glue the grin on,
I know the food is tasteless and hard to swallow,
but we are machines,
flip the switch.
Can I help you?
oh hi – how are you doing?
I’m fine, thank you.
There you go.
Programmed motions.
…And we’ve made it through another day.
Countless times, I stop in the middle of my home and look at the dirty bathroom mirrors that reflect new wrinkles and the Amazon Prime cardboard boxes strewn about, the endless loads of laundry, the dishwasher door that always swings open, the way the shadows of a late day play across the walls to tell me that I’m running out of hours – and I think through my headache, “No. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t do this anymore… Hell, I can’t even breathe.”
And I have no idea where to go with that agony.
It sits hot and heavy in the core of my chest, like a slug of molten metal, searing me from the inside. No one looking at me would know I was suffering the branding of emotional magma at that moment in time. No one sees the wounds beneath the skin.
But if I were to, say… punch the mirror several times until my knuckles were gone? Or tear mercilessly into those cardboard boxes until a ragged edge ripped right back through my arm in retaliation? Or if I were to perhaps kick that damned dishwasher door home so hard and so many times that the metal was permanently bent and my ankle swollen three times its size?
My pain would be visible – on me and everywhere around me. If someone were to walk in, they would stop and their eyes would go wide and they would mutter in disbelief, “Wow. She really did have enough of those dirty mirrors that no one but she ever cleaned….” They would notice. They would at last see.
Sometimes that’s all I want. For someone to see.
To see the work, see the entropy that will invade if I don’t ceaselessly do it, to see all that I can’t do in the meantime because of it. And how hard it all is on me.
Human beings are relatively blind to anything that isn’t readily visible, and we only look for what we want.
For us here on this blog, I’m guessing it’s this intrinsic need to be well and truly noted as a living being that is at the core of our need to do damage (whether to ourselves or to dishwashers).
And yeah, I’m a mom. Of a teenager, no less.
She’s crying in her room right now as I write this in fact. And I’m so exhausted, I’m split in two. Half of me empathizes agonizingly. It cringes and wrings its hands. I’ve been where she is. I remember. Hell, I’m still there. We never really leave. I need her to know that!
And the other half of me is standing across the room with a cigarette in its mouth even though I hate cigarette smoke and it’s eyeing me with a steely gaze and a disappointed shake of its head as if to say in its Jersey crime boss accent, “You dug your grave, angel. You followed convention and got knocked up like the dutiful wife.” (Head shake, snicker) “Too bad, eh?”
Because most parents are just pain-filled teenagers in older skin with pain-filled teenagers needing their help.
All of my regrets, all that I left undone, the place I find myself in now, the things I stare at and do day in and day out, the repetition of worthlessness with every labored breath I take… It rides me relentlessly. Always there, under my skin.
You don’t have to be young in order to feel hurt, believe me.
I would be willing to bet that a lot of your parents understand what you’re going through a whole hell of a lot better than you know.
I’m 13 and my crush likes me but when I told him about me cutting myself he didn’t he said he’s not breaking up because he doesn’t like me in fact he does like me it’s just he can’t have a girl that cuts themself and before this all happened he pretended to date me it hurts but I’m ok kinda i know I should tell people but I’m scared my mom will hate me she hates my sister because of her depression she looks at her like she is stupid and I love my mom and I don’t want to ruin my relationship with her please help me
Im 16. The past few momths my relationship with my mother has gone really downhill. Not that we had a great relationship to behin with but. She’s just been being so mean to me, she wont let me talk to her about anything going on with me. And whenever i show any emotion wether im happy or depressed she gets really mad and treats me like shit. I dropped out of high school because the stress of my teachers forcing me to work with other people was making me lose concentration leading me to be failing everything and i was skipping class to have anxiety attacks in th hall. I was so scared to walk in the classroom if i wasnt the first one in there or i knew we would be doing group work or reading aloud. Since I dropped out and im home 24/7 also because i have no friends and im not aloud to leave the house, im basically a slave now. I clean up after everyone else, i cook for the animals, i do the laundry but i miss even one thing she’ll say such cruel things and yell she never gets any help and im lazy. I used to harm myself in middle school and havent until a few days ago when she got so mad that i was looking her in the eye and listening to what she wanted me to do that she grabbed my face tightly and pushed me. She was screaming at me and shoving her finger in my face. I pretended to go to the br and cut my arm deeply. Honestly, rn all my suicidal thoughts are because of her. I dont see a point in living, im not afraid to die. Im afraid of leaving my brothers with her.
I’m 14 and I’ve been suffering from minor depression for several years now but recently I think it’s reached a dangerous high when I tested out a way to choke myself if I wanted to. It all comes from my dad who is so horribly commanding and strict to me. He’ll take everything that I enjoy and use to escape away from me which over the years has left me feeling like I have nowhere to go sometimes and it got to a point where people over the internet was the people I was most comfortable with. When I was younger, whether it be I got bad grades or I accidentally broke something, or even got too loud in the house, I’d retreat to my closet where I’d sit in the corner where I’d had cried myself to sleep several times and hide there in the fetal position until my mom would come and find me. When it would be my dad who’d find me in there, I’d be in even more trouble and he’d ridicule me for overreacting or being weak. At this point I don’t know what to do about this, what I can do about my down spiraling relationship with my dad and my seemingly worse growing depression. I feel like because I have a way that I can use to possibly end myself, I feel afraid even more now, and while sometimes in the back of my mind I think I should just go ahead and kill myself, I’ve always throughout the years actively tried to resist suicidal thoughts and acting on them, but right now it seems they’re getting the best of me and my condition is getting worse.
Anonymous,
It sounds like your suicidal thoughts are quite intense and dangerous, and I can see, just in the little information you’ve shared, how alone and frightened you must feel. I hope you will tell someone what you’re going through – your mother, maybe? A teacher? Your doctor? It would be ideal if you could talk with a mental health professional. But I also know while I write this how frightened you must be of your father’s reaction.
If you want to talk with someone on a hotline, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255 (TALK) or use the Crisis Text Line at 741-741. I list other resources on my site at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp. In particular, the option of emailing the Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org might be good for you to consider.
I hope that you are able to keep resisting your suicidal thoughts and to experience some healing and relief soon. Thank you for sharing here.
You know, I can relate with choking yourself, but nothing the strict part. I’m dirt, I’m a burden, I should die. Things I tell myself every night before biting and incessantly scratching myself and then crying myself to sleep. And then no one says anything to me. I don’t be think they care that much. I started using a razor and then told them, I fell on a music stand and they said okay. WE DONT EVEN HAVE A MUSIC STAND. I have all signs of bpd except for clinginess And drugs and alcohol. I’m depressed and no one notices. The brightest smiles hide the deepest sorrows. I want to choke out. I came close to dying once but I heard someone’s knock on my door so I stopped. School is so much pressure and I’m honorable so there’s lots of expectations and homework and it stresses me out. If there’s anything that depressions taught me it’s that god doesn’t exist. The lord won’t save you. There is no heaven, there is no hell. There isn’t anything.
please don’t harm yourself. you are loved and you deserve to hear and feel that love. please call me at 318-704-1326 anytime and I will listen!! I am a mother and grandmother who is very concerned for your well being. my name is Kim Hataway and you don’t have to know me for me to care.
hey love, i can relate to you so much. i’m 14 as well and i cope with my depression through internet friends too. they are honestly some of the best people i know. but i;m here to tell you that when i was diagnosed with mild depression, i got my internet friends taken away from me. i got in trouble and got grounded. but just know it gets better. i’ve recently found that music really helps me cope, maybe it can for you too? if you ever need anyone totalk to, my email is skyycharlotte11183@gmail.com , and i can talk with you on there if you need anyone. i hope you feel better soon (:
How about this response from my mom to “I wish I had never been born!” when I was about 9 or 10: “Don’t YOU say that!” With all emphasis on “you”…like she should say it her, my step dad, my dad or step mom, maybe my grandma or teacher…but not me, its just my stupid life I have to live.
I am afraid to talk to my mom because when she found out about a few of my friends being depressed/suicidal she told me that if I started feeling that way she wouldn’t let me hang out with them anymore and I was terrified because I already felt that way and I didn’t want to lose the only people I can talk to and trust.
During high school I took group to see if it would help but I guess not I still feel like I can’t breath and I still feel like I cant be me…
My parents would most likely just say that depression is fake, and that if I was going to kill myself, then i wouldn’t tell them. Whenever I mention that I want to see a doctor, they just say I would waste the doctors time. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts since I was about 6, it’s gone on for a really long time, and the only people I can ever talk to, is people online. Honestly, I’m really young, not even a teen yet, so they would just be thinking that children this young..couldn’t feel suicidal.
Your parents are assholes. I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to live in that house. I didn’t have the Internet, just stupid unlocked journals. I keep them so one day I can write my book, but it’s too painful to think this is my life
im now almost an adult and iv been dealing with this since i was in elementary my parents just think its to hurt them or to get the things i want when in fact im just trying to be heard. Im being punished for being honest about how i feel. It just makes me feel worse and angry that im not being listened to so it makes the thoughts worse. The temptation is so hard to say no to. It makes me physically ache to say no to suicide bc of how desperately i want it to end. I dont want to kill myself. I just want my life to end. Id rather it be done naturally or accidentally so no one can call me selfish but im still willing to do it myself. Iv attempted 10 times. Each time i came up with some reason to save myself. I shouldv been dead when i was 13. But i thought about how my school would react and forced myself to throw up all the pills. I didnt wanna be known as the girl who killed herself. I still dont.
My mother is part of the reason no way I could tell her
I agree and I think I’m always sad because of that and just people in general .
My mom would beat me because she is the reason I want to die and if I talk to someone they would have to call my parents and tell them she was the reason then she would put on an act then when I get home yell and beat me
I don’t think I struggle from suicidal thoughts in the usual sense, but I would like to get this out. I’m afraid to tell my mom about how I hurt myself because when I’ve tried to talk to her seriously before, she tends to get angry or laugh it off before I even get into the crux of what’s wrong. I won’t even have a chance to explain before I feel like I’m being really petty for no reason. I have a whole other slew of problems such as ADHD and bipolar disorder that she won’t let me talk about either. How can I get her to listen to me?
Tell her that this is serious and you guys need to talk about it and if she still dosnt pay attention tell your dad an aunt uncle a trusted adult really but make sure your voice is heard. Good luck
Yeah… my mom does all of these except for seven… I’ve not been fine for months, often still self-harming and many suicide attempts. My mom asks me occasionally if I’m still having those thoughts- to which I reply “No, I’m better now.” In reality, that statement is completely untrue. The first time I told my mom she did in fact “freak out” she started crying and similar to the article, I ended up consoling her.
I feel like I can’t tell her because she’ll react the same. I don’t want to do that to her- But some times I’ll just give in to all of the urges. Any little thing… Will result in my skin splitting. Most of the time it’s more than once for each thing.
I don’t want to keep living like this… always having to run away and relieve stress by leaving a mark permanently on my skin. But I’m just so scared to tell my mom. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it.
Hi, I am about to be 14 and I have been dealing with what I think is anxiety and depression. I have cut myself multiple times but i can’t seem to figure out why. I have an overall good home life and great supportive friends. I have no reason to feel this way but I do. I think I should tell parents but they are always so stressed and busy so I don’t know when to bring it up. Any suggestions?
Hi Sarah, I’m not a counsellor but I am a mom and I have suffered from depression before. I want you to know that there is help out there -that finding a therapist to talk to – someone you like (you may have to try a few before you find one that works for you) can really help a lot! Teenage years are challenging because there are so many changes. Its not easy to go from child to adult. I promise you you will have a very good life that you enjoy because you are a person that reached out and talked about how you are feeling. Cutting yourself is a way, I think, is a way to feel pain that inside is too hard to deal with. It also relates to not being able to really express yourself and your feelings at home I think. (I was on this site because my daughters friend cuts and it doesn’t seem her parents really notice. So I’m trying to figure out if I should tell them!) Sometimes growing up means that hormones also are in flux and they can add to mental pressure and create ups and downs. I had a depression when I was nine years old. Now i’m 54 and I’m in pretty good shape! The best thing to do is to tell your mom or dad or someone you trust that you really want to go to weekly therapy. Find someone who understands cutting and young women in adolescence. If you can’t pay for it – then go to a teacher or someone that’s an adult and tell them you need to find therapy. It will help so much. It can actually result in solving everything – with time. If you need to write again don’t hesitate to email me: icfavaro@rogers.com. You can do this! xxx
my sister is the same age with the same name. I worry about her all the time and tell my parents to do something constantly and I will tell you what I tell her it seems impossible. but when you turn 18 you can go to the hospital and get checked even at your doctors office they give you papers asking how you feel be honest and tell the doctor you are having issues talking to your parents that they wont listen or you are scared.
you have to tell them soon or later for they can help you
My brother has depression, he found out when my parents got him tested. Ever since, my mom has been super over-protective about him. I think that I might have depression, too, because of my suicidal thoughts and overall, just my internal pain I feel. I’ve tried to tell my parents, but they always try to dismiss it before they can even understand. I think my mom doesn’t wanna believe that another child of hers is mentally suffering; but either way, I really want help. I stay in my room all the time because I grew up around fighting with my family, and now I guess now I’m just afraid of getting into fights, myself. And when fights do occur, I always chose fight over flight and I always regret it later. But the fights usually occur because one of my family members is making fun of me being in my room all the time, but they don’t understand and they don’t listen. I just don’t know how to apologise after a fight and try to explain to the family member that when it comes to flight or fight, all I know is fight. It may be because of my insecurities. What should I do about all of this? How should I go about trying to get my parents to listen and help me? Do I lie about the reasoning of me choosing fight or flight because they’ll never understand?
With the rise in bullying, children who are loners and more popular kids , exploiting these kids, is another reason, i think, are reasons related to suicidal thoughts, even suicide among teenagers.
I personally think it’s the lack of support for kids with abusive family, but I suppose I’m kind of biased.
my parents weren’t abusive they just chose to ignore. my brother tried to kill himself on his 16th birthday because after telling them he needed help they blew it off and did nothing. Im 24 btw with a child of my own.
Hey I’m 15 been depressed since 8. It wasn’t long ago that I went to a doctor and told them I’m depressed. The doctor seemed considered but not my mom. She said I never told her anything but I did and she forgotten it. I try to tell her a problem I have but she gives me bad advice. She one time said I have no reason to be upset because I have a good family. I been starting cutting and I quit telling them anything about me. Since they never take them seriously since she just thinks I just because I’m a teen.
what if your parent beats you for thinking of suicidal thought but it is her fault because she let me get sexually abused for 4 years straight and doesn’t love me at all. then what should i do
Beautiful! Let me say that you are not alone in this. My daughter was the same way. I got her help and we talked and I constantly remind her that we love her, that’s she’s important and a life without her isn’t a life I would want to live. Beating you doesn’t solve the problem if anything it makes it worst. She has to be able to listen without judgment and love you right where you are and let you know you will get through it together. As for the sexual abuse part I’m terribly sorry to hear that! I pray you get the help you need. Praying for you !
I would suggest looking into not living with your parent. My mom also used to beat me, and it never really got better until I left. It’s different for every situation, though. It was really hard to leave, and it’s not always available for everyone. The abuse from my mom had gone on for ten years before I left last year in my freshman year of high school. Maybe look into teen shelters or friends that could house you, but I understand if you think that wouldn’t help. I’m so sorry that is going on. It is horrible. You don’t have to try to get your mom to help you if you don’t want to.
Sorry if none of that helped. I sincerely hope things get better for you.
You are the freaking same as me but my mom didn’t let me be abused she was the one to abuse non sexually but mentally and physically
11. It’s their fault
I’ve had depression since 5th grade, I’ve never told my parents… I’m now 15 , I was 10 when this all started, I’m scared I will hurt my mom, or my dad would say that there is No reason I’m sad, I have recently started cutting, but stopped and started on my leg because my nana almost caught me…im scared, I have hinted to my mom….im so scared, and so tired about putting on a fake smile too.
I’m right now 11 years old and I have lots of disappointment in my life but I know god is helping me only if I give him a chance so you try giving him a chance and see what happens.
I am 11 and my parents really want me to go to a specialized middle school(A stupid new york city thing) called hunter. I, however, did not want to go because I had already taken three tests for other specialized schools and gotten invited to one. And even though they said that my opinion matters the would not except any word I said. I feel lonely, rejected, and worthless. However, I am too scared to mention my depression to my parents and too cowardly to kill or injure myself.
I’m weak and lazy and dumb.
Any honest advice would be warmly recieved.
my email is peterlawbolt@gmail.com
Anonymous,
I sent you an email. As I said there, I’m concerned about you. It sounds like your depression is telling you that you are weak and lazy and dumb. Depression lies. Don’t believe what it tells you!
I hope you’ll consider reaching out to one of the resources I list at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255, or the Crisis Text Line at 741-741.
Please take care!
I haven’t felt that way for as long as you,but like you im scared to tell my family and I put on a fake smile.
If you are afraid to tell your parents, then maybe try starting with someone else if you can. I also have depression, I’m 17.
I know everyone says this, but finding help from others can help a lot. I left my parents to live with a friend who I was sure would be able to help me and I haven’t cut for months. I still get the urge, it doesn’t always go away when you stop, but I can deal with it now.
Be careful with cutting if you can. Totally understandable if you can’t, you don’t really worry about veins and scars when you are dealing with depression. Legs are much better then wrists, it would be best to cut thighs and upper arms because there is less of a chance to hit a major vein. Also infection is a serious worry, once I passed out because a cut got infected.
Sorry about throwing that onto you, I just know that would have been helpful for me to know.
Good luck
keep pushing through i have had it since i was 4 (I left a note for my parents at that age saying i wanted to die) I am now 23 and still pushing through. the day i turned 18 i checked myself into a hospital to get some answers.
hey, I’m a 16 year old girl, I lost my dad a year ago, but even before that I was going through some bad stuff, like depression, I used to cut, but thank you I managed to stop that. it hurt my family in a way that no one could imagine. they were all so perfect with a 4.2 gpa, great social skills, all beautiful, and I was just a failure. they love me, I know they do, and I used to be like them, but I can’t anymore. I feel bad for ruining everything for them, especially my mom who does everything for me.. (and my brother and my sister) and I’m still unstable bad and extremely anxious, I hate myself, I hate this.
What you feel now probably seems like it will last forever. But really, life is a big, big picture, and what we are going through now only is a small blip in that big picture. Five years from now when you look back at this time, it will seem like another lifetime ago. Think of someone, or something, that you like and say a thank you to God, even if it’s the butterfly 10 feet away from you. There is always someone who cares. Give them a chance to show it.
I told my mom that I wanted to kill myself and she replied with “whats so special about that? Even I want to kill myself.”
Hi, I am 15 years old and I am a girl. I have depression and suicidal thoughts. I have been thinking that the only way to end all this “bullying” and torture is to end my life. I have no idea if there is anyone I can really trust to tell about any of my thoughts. My mother and I don’t even talk and right when I get home I go straight to my room or leave until really late at night. For my mind tells me to die but my heart is telling me stay for the people who care for me but I don’t think anyone would miss me. I can’t tell the school counselor because I know he will tell my parents, I can’t tell any of my siblings or family members. I get A’s and B’s but now I am getting C’s and D’s. I need someone to help me but I am scared to tell anyone.
I would suggest telling the school counselor. I used to be so sure that the counselor would tell my parents, but I eventually realized that I needed to. I haven’t said anything about me being suicidal, but I have talked about how abusive my family is and how stressful school is for me (etc.)
It has been very helpful for me to be able to vent to someone. There is a post really close to yours, posted on April 27th, 2018, posted by someone by the name “ale.” Here, I gave a LONG reply, consisting of many ways I get over my suicidal depression. I would suggest glancing at that, and determining what parts (in any) you can apply to your life.
I wish you only the best of luck.
although it may be difficult, tell your mom, it will help.
I am 13 and I have been having suicidal thoughts for a while now. I feel worthless, like no one cares that I want to kill myself. I don’t know why, we have enough money to sustain us and I have a pretty decent life but I am just so over everything. My grades continue to slip. I was always an A student but now I am getting high D’s and low C’s. I have Self Harmed and still do it. I told my mum but she just punished my and told me I was doing it for attention. My dad would kill me if he found out. I can’t tell the school Councillor or Psychologist because they have a duty of care to tell your parents so that vicious cycle repeats. I can’t tell my teachers because they have enough on their plate without me to deal with and I can’t tell my friends because I have stopped talking to everyone. I have isolated myself from friends and people in general. I get plenty of sleep but wake up exhausted. One week I will go without eating and not even notice that I haven’t eaten anything and then the next week I will put on 5 kilos. I don’t know what to do. I am honestly thinking about trying to commit suicide.
Well, your mum was right about one thing… you ARE trying to get her attention. It’s a way that people cry for help without using words. She might not feel prepared to talk about it, or maybe if she doesn’t address it, maybe it will just go away. Adults don’t always have the perfect answers, but don’t want to look foolish if they can’t issue words of wisdom. I know you don’t want to die. You said it up front… I just want to smile! Thirteen is a challenging age for girls. There are many things changing. Some changes we like, others not so much. Our past might have been fun as a child. Now we are at the in between age- not really a child and not quite an adult. I remembering it feeling so awkward! All of the ‘rules’ were changing and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it! I, too, thought about making it all go away. But there is SO much more to come! Wonderful people you’ll meet, getting your first job, (it’s a good feeling to hold that paycheck, that you earned, in your hand!), school if you choose… And you aren’t the only one going through this. Most people go through bad times like this at this age. BELIEVE me, you are not alone! Please pray. And don’t underestimate the people around you. They really do care. Give an adult that you trust the chance to listen to you. People care more than you know!
hello im a 14 year old girl and ive been mad depressed and suicidal lately. i keep thinking about death and i literally cant stop crying every single day. i honestly see no reason to live, but the thing is im too much of a coward to kill myself which i hate. its just that i feel like such a burden to everyone. i barely talk to my friends and i bet they wont miss me since they never ask me to hang out with them or stuff like that and im just an annoying little coward i feel like. i can hear when my voice is annoying and how annoying i am when i talk. my mom gets mad at me sometimes since im too slow to clean. it takes me like a 100 years for me to clean up my room or if i start drying the dishes after theyve been washed. im apparently also after my little sister a lot she says. im such a hoarder and my room isnt clean or well it is now, and ive had the most traumatizing happened to me some days ago. i said to my mom that i was suicidal and i felt like they didnt care about me and she said “maybe YOU dont care about US then” like yes i do. i really do but that makes me feel like a much more of a bad person. theres a certain someone from school that made me want to commit suicide and shes a big part of why im like this now. i hate seeing her with my friends and them laughing with her but if i told my friends about her theyll wont care and yeai know im selfish but i dont want them to hang out with her. my mom does give me help tho and have given me someone to talk to but i feel like they still couldnt care less about me. i feel like such a burden to me since im not good at anything productive or just anything at all. i literally see no reason to live but im such a coward. i really want to die but im such a coward. i hate living and i really want to die but i just cant get myself to kill myself, its such a shame. i really dont derserve any love or my friends or my family. i literally cant trust anyone. i know that my parents wants to help me if i feel sad but i dont derserve anythingl like that. i just really want to die. i dont know on how long i will last now. i know ill never happy and i literally cant remember the last day i havent cried. i just dont derserve love or help. i said no to putting my little sister to sleep and i feel like such a bad person but i cant say sorry because my overreacting, i know im overreacting. its just that im too afraid to say sorry. i feel like such a burden but years ago my mom scream ranted to my dad for saying sorry too much. i dont wanna do this anymore. i want my parents to have a good kid. i want to live but i dont wanna live this life where im the biggest burden. i dont know on how ill last now. i really dont know. i honestly see no brightness for my future at all. i feel like ill be an alchololic. i really cant see any reason why i should leave. im such a big burden to everyone. i cant do anything right at all and the people around me derserves something much better. i honestly see no reason to live. i cant remember the last i actually felt happiness.
I relate to this so much that it’s unreal. I feel the exact same way you do except I’m too afraid to tell my parents I want to kill my self because I’m afraid they won’t understand. Maybe we can talk and try to help each other.
I know exactly where you’re coming from. I’ve been beaten, broken, and more. I’ve even been thrown at the wall… dozens of times. I’m 14, as well, and I know exactly what it’s like. No one would miss me if I were to disappear. My entire family is abusive in one way or another, I have no friends, no one who loves me. No one who cares.
No one would miss me.
Sadly, however, we must try to hold on to the little thread that carries the weight of our worlds. We must prove to those who look down at us that it is us who should look down on them. We must show that we are more powerful then them.
On a more personal note, I have (on many occasions) been told I own too many things, that I clean too slowly and not well enough, etc. I find that I’m very truthful to myself, in the sense that I never sugarcoat anything. I’ve made it clear to myself how stupid I am. How much people hate me. How annoying I am. What a burden I am.
I’m a horrible kid to have to raise.
However, I have recently (while I was typing this, in fact) realized something. We’re not a burden. Not you, and not me. Everyone screws up. Everyone’s annoying in their own way. But we’re not bad. We’re not a burden. Our parents have simply reinforced that into our brains so often that we believe it. In fact, the very reason that you and I feel we are annoying, worthless pieces of crap is because we’re actually very nice people, you and I. We are so worried about how we are treating others that we notice all of our flaws. We begin to see every little way in which we inconvenience others.
And it eats away at us.
However, something that I feel makes things better is: Always assume positive intent. Even when you know that whomever said something is saying it to offend or hurt you.
When your sister tells you you are a hoarder, simply tell yourself (time and time again) that she probably is trying to suggest to you that cleaning your room might make you a little happier.
When your mom tells you that ‘you don’t love her’ (which is not true), always assume that she is trying her best to tell you that it would break her heart if you were to commit suicide.
I try to do this whenever possible. If anyone tells me my makeup looks weird, I assume that they simply meant to suggest that I should try a different method to apply it. When my little brother tells me (once again) that I am a horrid human being, I simply decide that it is because he doesn’t understand how I feel, and wherefore doesn’t know how to react.
Honestly, I have never told any of my family members about my suicidal thoughts, mainly because I know that they genuinely won’t care. Why would they? So, I can’t give any advice to help you with having your mom understand how serious your situation is. But, keep trying. As I said, we must keep holding on to the stray thread left hanging at the edge of our hole. I would suggest finding a hobby (mine is writing poetry) that helps you clear your head and put your thoughts somewhere else. This is similar to therapy; but, rather than talking about how you feel, you’re simply writing it. It’s a different method of communication, but it works just as well. Writing in a journal every day is best, but I never was able to do that. I’m not very good at making good habits… But, any day that I am feeling extra suicidal or depressed, I will write about how I am feeling. It is a variation of venting, and it helps you to calm down and comforts you somehow. I would recommend just writing something whenever you feel strongly about anything; be it happy or sad.
I have two journals: one for venting, and one for happiness. Whenever I am depressed, I write in the ‘venting’ one. Whenever I am happy, or even if I’m just pretending to be, I write in the ‘happiness’ notebook.
Sorry for having such a long reply. I hope this helps you, and anyone else who might have had the time and motivation to read it. I truly hope that you can take this information and apply it to your life, as I am always trying to do. Thank you for listening to my eternal ranting, and for letting me express myself in the only way I know.
P.S: The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I am Mormon, A.K.A. L.D.S. (Ladder-Day Saints.) If you are a very open person when it comes to religion, I would recommend looking into that one. (Watch out, though, people make fun of Mormons just because our ancestors were polygamists. Polygamy is shunned and shamed in our religion today, if you were wondering. Unless you are a Fundamentalist Ladder Day Saints, and I think that all of those guys are insane. It’s complicated. I won’t get into it.)
Hi Ale, I hope you will find this comment! I”m a mom. Ale I LOVE YOU. There are people out there that will LOVE YOU. I’m a 54 year old mom. I know what its like to be depressed I had depression at 9 years old. It was awful. I felt sad all the time and I didn’t know why. I just kept telling my mom. Over and over and over again. FINALLY one day she said we’re going to go to someone to talk to. We went to a psychologist and that was the road to getting better. Just because you have depression or if someone cuts or whatever it can change and it can get better! There are reasons why people get depressed and feel so horrible inside. The key to feeling better is to talk to a professional therapist. The relief you will feel is big. You will begin to understand that your parents are not as grown up as you think they should be. We are constantly evolving and parents just don’t get everything right at all. I want to give you some suggestions: 1) go to a parent or a teacher etc and don’t start off by telling them your suicidal thoughts. Tell them you are very depressed, very anxious that you know you need to go and talk to a professional. Tell them its urgent and that you would prefer if possible to not have your parents know at the moment. Tell the teacher or adult that as soon as you begin talking to someone you will then be able to tell your parents. If you don’t have money to talk to someone then tell the adult. If that adult doesn’t work try to find another adult. If there is a friend with parents you like – tell that parent. 2) Have two notebooks. One is for writing how awful you feel and why etc. The other is for when anything – even a fleeting moment occurs where you feel a tiny bit of ‘okay’. It might be some cookies you are having with milk. If you notice the few seconds where you feel okay write it down in that other notebook. Keep doing this while you are waiting to find someone to talk to. 3) Write this down and say it to yourself in the morning when you wake up and at night when you go to bed. “I am worthwhile. I am beautiful. I can be anything I want to be. I am loved by me and God (or whatever you believe in)
4) find a few things you like doing or you used to like doing. Do them. If its crafts – then make something for someone or for yourself. If its playing volleyball then make sure you play volleyball. If you feel like doing nothing because you are so sad (I know what that’s like) then force yourself to just do something really simple that’s positive. Once you start talking to a professional, you will notice some improvements. There is a lot of fear and pressure with being a teenager – and change…and it will get better. It turns out that Sleep is really important for the regulation of brain chemistry and hormones. Make sure you are getting a good nights sleep. Remember that you will not live at home forever and one day you get to create your own life! And you will understand your parents so much more. Suicide is on the mind of those that feel a lot of internal pain and the pain just doens’t go away. Its like having horrible physical pain and you can’t take it anymore. Talking to a professional changes brain chemistry because you relieve all this pressure that’s built up. When you get older – and if you need it (which you probably won’t) there are medications that help balance brain chemistry – and they really work! They help your personality shine thru and they stop the lows from being there. You are a good kid. You are not a burden. You feel like a burden because you feel so bad inside. But you won’t feel like a burden when the unexplainable sadness starts to lift. I hope you try some of my suggestions. You can and will feel better!
I feel sad and angry like no one cares about me I always ask my self why was I put in this world and say to myself just end me now and I feel like my parents don’t care about me enough to listen and I feel like I’m the only child that is unspecial and no one wants me. Sometimes I say just end me now and I cry.
but even i want to die
I told my mum im suicidal and she kept using it against me during arguements, kept telling me to go kms
Whatever you do please don’t kill yourself if you have more suicidal thoughts please talk to therapist or school counsellor. If your parents don’t want you there stay with your a friend or relative. I wish you the best.
i was on both ends of the spectrum my mother wouldn’t let me out of her sight and everyone else thought i was seeking attention no one bothered to learn why i was feeling why i was feeling which has made me lose complete and utter trust in my family and most of my friends
I don’t know if i have depression or not but like some weeks I feel fine, like I’m normal, then the next week I have a box cutter in my hand and I have the blade on my wrist. I haven’t cut yet but last night i nearly did and im scared and I don’t know how to ask for help because i think my parents wont believe me and i don’t know what to do be cause im not always depresed and when i am i lie about it to everyone and say im fine and it will look bad if i suddenly start telling them that im deppressed what should i do. Im afraid that they will hate me for lying to them about it.
If you don’t think you can talk to family or friends talk to a therapist or school counselor.
((MAYBE)) You got bipolar disorder. I got bipolar 1 and my mood swings like, really really hardcore. One day I am high (without drugs or alcohol) cuz I’m so happy, I don’t feel like sleeping, (this is personal but I was into intercourse so much it’s irritating) I got a lot of Visual and Auditory hallucinations and it’s too much I can’t even tell if it’s real or not ! ((For example one time I saw a bunch of eagles flying up the sky and I was so excited (it’s patriotic UwU) I jumped and get my bestfriend to see it, unfortunately they can’t see it even tho it still there haih)), my parents, siblings, friends and teachers think I’m crazy and stupid when I am in my manic episode.. I am one of the top students in my school.. They never care.
And when I am in my depressing state. I was very suicidal. And here I am, I don’t even know how being normal feels like no more..
The best thing I can say to you is to enjoy your life, if you’re feeling high, be happy with it and when you’re sad, stay close to your friends or anyone you trust. If you wanna talk about it (I don’t wanna promote myself or anything but) you can contact me on my Instagram : Alfred.Griffiths
tell them they can help
It seems you do have depression, in one form or another. Sadly, however, your parents need to know. Even parents who value honesty above all others should understand why you didn’t immediately tell them. I always tell people that I’m fine. Always; but that’s only because my family genuinely doesn’t care about me. But, I’m sure that they won’t get mad at you. If they are capable of grasping how dire your situation is, then they can and will help.
Just try telling them, and, if it doesn’t work out, so be it.
Whatever harm it will cause will be temporary; but acting upon your suicidal feelings is not.
I hurt everyone I try to get close to. I honestly don’t know what else to do besides pray and hope Jesus keeps me from killing myself again
Anonymous, please check out the Resources page for places where you can get help by phone, text, email, or online.
i used to be like that too i understand where your coming from it is a tough situation to be in but i would recommend finding people who are very understanding and have lots of patience thats what i had to do when i was in that sitituation
Ummm Hi I’m 14, a girl and black I’ve had depression for 7 years and 3 months now so being African my mother often bullies me about being depressed (or maybe she thinks I’m sad? I don’t know) anyway I sometimes come from a pretty “normal” day at school a couple of panic attacks here and there (about 3 on a good day) starting with her is probably the most ridiculous thing in the world she thinks I’m a jerk and my relatives are manipulated into thinking I’m just quiet or attitudinal. She always uses the “I do everything for you” line not realizing that’s exactly the problem, I’m Not happy or stable even with tuition payed, WiFi,t.v.,food clothes etc. Pretty standard lifestyle. My dad well he bothered to ask me why I’d been losing a size everyday till I went from 46-26 in a year. He thinks I have a “physical” disease but I tried to explain just a little so I didn’t cry. He wasn’t really paying attention he kept insisting I get a blood test for viruses or whatever. I never smiled or laughed like i did in 2nd and 3rd grade. I became aggressive in 3rd grade I stabbed a kid with a mechanical pencil because I got mad at him for making fun of my ears. My parents fought a lot when I was growing up and I sorta “fixed” their marriage after another huge fight last year and that brings me to now. I’m suicidal, I’ve tried a couple of times but it didn’t work so…… I spent Christmas in my cousins room while everyone else was eating and making fun of me. I worked so hard to make sure they got back together and now my anxiety keeps asking what if my mental illness ruins it all. I’ve cried myself to sleep for half my life and my mom says “why are you so sensitive?” why is she such an insensitive prick? Why doesn’t my dad try to relax and listen. He kinda loves me I think but I’m pretty much alone in this. My uncle asked if i was ok since I was sleeping a lot and he gave me light slaps to the cheeks and asked about school and life and obviously I lied because my mom was there and she’d say something mean and she did anyway so screw that and here I am crying and thinking of taking up self harm and overdosing again so yeah i wrote all this hoping some stranger could try to do anything besides make me feel like a mistake
Anonymous,
I’m so sorry you’re suffering like this. You conveyed powerfully just how alone and frightened you feel, and how you hurt. You said you have mental illness, and I can’t know that myself from afar, but if you do, that’s not the whole picture. The other part of the picture is how the people around you are reacting to you. Whether out of fear, a misguided attempt to help, or malevolence, they are not responding to you with compassion and concern. Please don’t blame yourself for that. That is their failure.
But you do need support, and I’m glad you reached out here. Please take a look at the resources here. You said you’re African, so most of the resources are not accessible to you, but the email assistance provided by the Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org could be a good source of connection.
There also is a Facebook group online for people who have attempted suicide called Suicide Attempt Survivors: You Are Not Alone. You could communicate there with others who are sure to understand what it’s like to be depressed and suicidal. If you want to remain anonymous, you can create a new email under a fake name through Gmail or some other free email service, and then use that to create a new Facebook.
Also, is there a teacher you could talk to? A minister or imam? Ideally, you ought to be evaluated by a mental health professional.
In any case, I hope you’re able to connect with someone soon. You deserve to care, compassion, and help.
Listen, you are going to get through this. As much as u don’t think u will u are. When u move out u aren’t going to live with either one of your parents. Think about that!!
You’re not a mistake thay are the mistakes to make you feel that way and not to try to help. Could you go to a therapist or school counsellor? If you’re tired of hearing things like that you could go on YouTube and find something funny or find something that makes you happy. I wish you the best.
hi i hope this is not too late. ive had it a bit less worse than you and i can clearly see you have a bad life. im 14 too, ive been mad depressed and suicidal. listen its not your fault. please reply if you want to rant to me ok. i hope youll keep staying alive ok. youre very very strong
I know exactly how you feel. I once spent Thanksgiving locked in my family’s car because no one noticed I wasn’t there (I was really little, and I didn’t know there was an unlock button on the door of the car)
You’re not a mistake. No one is. even though we might feel that way. You seem to be an incredible person who deserves much more than they are getting. You are going through much worse things than I am, yet you seem to be so much stronger and capable than I ever was… or ever will be. I am the person who sits in my bedroom all day, unwilling to do anything. I am much weaker than you. Please try to remember how amazing you are, and how (no matter how strong anyone is) we all need a shoulder to cry on. Personally, from what you have said, it seems like your uncle might be that shoulder. If not, you may want to consider finding someone kind to befriend, and confide in them for emotional support.
It’a been about a year now, that I have been noticing more and more signs of depression it’s not only the little things like, loss of sleep and, overwhelming emotions, it’s more like Anxiety, anxiety where it’s so bad that even going outside sometimes will cause me to me break down and not want to talk or even look at anybody and some days the suicidal thoughts come rolling in and things can get worse from there, but my question is how do i tell my parents something like this. I read all of the tips on preparation and how to talk it out, but everybody has different parents and nobody knows your parents better than yourself, but this is a topic that isn’t as easy as telling your parents about drama or something else, I often feel as if I’m trapped and telling someone could lead things to get worse. I also think it’s crazy how I can put myself out there and write about something so fragile and yet, numerous people will see, so why am I so afraid to tell one of the most trusted people I’ve known for years?
Anonymous,
Can you think of good things that could come out of telling your parents? (I can, but I don’t know you or your parents.) It sounds like you’re suffering, and not doing anything different isn’t likely to change anything.
Could you show them what you wrote here?
Also if you want to talk to someone in the meantime, you could try the National Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (TALK), or the Crisis Text Line at 741-741, or other resources listed at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
For a very long time, (since last year) I have been feeling upset about myself. It all actually started when I was 10 and found out I had high-functioning autism (very high). Ever since I have felt like I seriously do not belong. I started having suicidal thoughts in 6th grade all the way to 7th grade. I had only told 2 friends and 1 counselor about these feelings. I have also felt that I might be faking and ignore it. Even though I know it is true. Right now, my mom and dad have been concerned about my grades NOW that they are slipping. My dad is now the dominant man in the house and always checks on my grades. However, he wasn’t really in the picture for grades as much as mom was because she supported me. My dad thinks anything he does is because he is my dad. He has gone to the point of choosing to punch me and give the excuse that he can do it and it’s discipline. Now I know that does not count for chocking me. One day he got so infuriated with me in an argument he decided to put me in a chokehold. Now when I asked why he did it he said that’s what happens when you take it over the point or something. He should have the common sense to keep his cool. Now, both of my parents don’t talk to me because they are mad. Numerous times my mom and dad say they will kick me out or send me away. Now, IDK if I should even be here anymore. I talked to a friend and she does not want me to go. She also wants me to talk about it to my parents. What can I do??? It seems impossible.
Anonymous,
I’m so sorry, and I can understand why you feel hopeless. But there is help available. Are you in the U.S.? If so, please try the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, or check out the site’s Resources Page.
Punching and choking you is abuse. Please tell someone, maybe a teacher at school, or your doctor, or a friend’s parent.
Thanks for sharing here, and please let us know again how you’re doing.
Whatever you do please don’t kill yourself if you have more suicidal thoughts please talk to therapist or school counsellor. If your parents don’t want you there stay with your a friend or relative. I wish you the best.
im not a teenager but i know im suicidal (in thoughts). i got academic dismissal status from my previous program (electrical engineering) and now im forced to shift to a non-board exam engineering program which is the cause of my depression. i cant tell my parents even my siblings and closest friends because i dont want them to know i failed. i cant accept it either. i know its because of my pride because everyone i know seems to be doing well in life. my friends start graduating having jobs etc. i used to be happy before all of this and i used to be the one comforting my friends who tell me their problems. but now i can really relate to what theyre feeling. sometimes i just wanna really end my life as a way of escaping this problem. but i fear that ill only hurt my family/friends’ feelings which makes it even worse. makes my self-anger/depression worse. i know my parents will understand me but its more of the thought that i failed and i wont be able to take board exams and i wont be able to graduate in the program i originally took (electrical engineering) and i wont be able to proudly say that i graduated to a degree i dont like which makes me think of killing myself. i dont know what to do. i cant sleep at nights. i kept on thinking the wrong choices i made in my whole life and thinking of what ifs and what i should have done. i know this problem may not be that big to others but i dont know its just difficult for me i really cant just tell them. i hate myself but at the same time i really wanna help myself.
same except my family will not understand me. I can’t sleep at night I want this to end. I can’t help myself anymore I failed and failed and keeps on failing
One reason I don’t do it is because it involves things I’d get in trouble for, and I’m afraid she would get angry that I did the things, instead of sad that I hate myself.
I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts as well, and from experience, I think the best thing to do is to reach out to a friend or family member that you are close to and talk to them about it. But if you are absolutely alone, just know that you are one of the few people strong enough to make it through such a difficult situation . I admire your strength, and if you and I made it this far, we can make it through the rest of this journey, and be better because of it. Stay strong my friend.
My dad doesn’t believe that i have depression and anxiety. He said that i looked into my situation too much and that is why I am what I’m like. I have had multiple attempts at suicide and i just want help. He always says, “There are too many good things in life. You have no reason too feel this way!” But in reality, I do. When i was 8 years old i watched my mother flat line in the hospital. I saw her heart stop beating, and even after i found out she was ok, i never felt the same. I can’t go a day without wanting to die, and I’m done feeling this way. And not to mention the fact that i am extremely overweight and have borderline anorexia/bulimia. I can’t tell him about it because he just gets pissed off and tells me to stop being a drama queen. I told him that i self harmed, and he did nothing. I just want to feel happy, and the fact that I know I can’t get help drives me crazy everyday. What is wrong with me, and can you give me some advice on how to cope with this alone?
I feel your pain, and i have the same problem you do. I think the best thing to do is to reach out to a friend or family member that you are close to (aunt, uncle, grandparents) and talk to them about it. But if you are absolutely alone, just know that you are one of the few people strong enough to make it through such a difficult ssituation. I admire your strength, and I’m you and I made it this far, we can make it through the rest of this journey, and be better because of it. Stay strong my friend.
I know your comment is a bit old, but here it goes. First off, I’d like to say how strong you are for going through all of this with no help. I have thought about suicide at least four times (These thoughts started middle of this year). If you need someone to talk to, maybe we could talk together?
You should probably go to your closest friends, your counselor/ therapist, or go on websites like these. I always go on websites for help because I am too scared to tell my parents as well. A trusted person other than your dad can understand and even convince your dad to help. I hope this helped!
Please don’t commit suicide things will get better there is help maybe therapy or speakingofsuicide.com just love your self. I hope everything is better now.
What is depression like? I have to know, I’m pretty sure I have it myself but honestly, idk. I’m commenting on this again because I wanted to completely explain my situation.
My life is ok, i’ve got a close real life friend, internet friends, I’m spoiled too, my life looks perfect, and it might be for someone, but not for me. I don’t understand why, I should be happy, but i’m not. I just wanna die, I feel like there’s no reason for me to stay here anymore, I feel like no one cares about me, I feel like I’m worthless. I blame myself for the things i’ve done wrong in my life, it’s all because of me.
“get help, go see a doctor or the nurse at your school”
no, I can’t. It’s not that easy, I can’t just “i dont feel well, can i go to the nurse” no, that’s not how norwegian schools work, you can’t just do that. “see a doctor”
are you telling me to just casually walk into a hospital and ask for depression help? no, can’t do that either.
“tell your parents”
i told my dad, twice and gUESS whAT, “haha, there is no way that you have depression, you don’t have to worry about that”
“ask your mom”
no my mom would freak out and go crazy which is something i doNT need.
basically i cant do anything. “tell your friend about it”
no, no, and no.
well, i can’t do many things
i know many people are just gonna see me as “stubborn” but this is just who i am and how my mind works
12,
I wish you didn’t want to die, feel worthless, or think that nobody cares about you. Each of those feelings and thoughts, along with others you describe, is so painful. On top of that, it sounds like you are unable to connect with anybody around you about how you feel.
Since you feel unable to talk with your mom, friends, or people at school about how you feel, and since your dad didn’t try to help you, I will offer some other advice.
First, have you checked out the Resources page on this site? I’m wondering in particular if email assistance from the Samaritans might be helpful. You can write to jo@samaritans.org.
Another option is to check out other places you can get help online, at the “unsuicide” site.
Norway also has a number of hotlines you could call, and they are listed here.
I wish you could talk to a doctor or nurse (and, yes, casually walking into a hospital’s emergency department and asking for help with depression is an option).
The feelings you describe do occur with depression. I can’t say that’s what you have, because I can’t diagnose strangers online, so I’m speaking generally. Depression is notorious for tricking people into believing negative, even devastating, ideas about themselves that they would never believe if they felt better. Changing negative beliefs and ideas can help get rid of depression; getting rid of depression can change beliefs and ideas. If you’re able to get books on Amazon.com, whether to read in the Kindle app or on actual paper, here are a couple that I recommend:
How I Stayed Alive when My Brain was Trying to Kill Me, by Susan Blauner.
Choosing to Live: How to Defeat Suicide Through Cognitive Therapy, by Thomas Ellis and Cory Newman.
I hope this information is useful to you. Thanks for reaching out!
For the past year, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts. When I don’t want to kill myself, I want someone to kill me without me having to do it. These feelings often come from my mom yelling at me and criticizing me about getting better grades and to stop slacking off..It’s just, sometimes I feel like that’s all she cares about. Now that I’m about to be a senior in high school, she’ll always ask me about my ACT, SAT, my college essays, if I’m studying, and what I’m going to do this year to be better. Now, I know many parents discuss it with their children, but my mom yells at me, she’ll insult me saying I’m spoiled and not good enough, saying that I’m worthless and that I should just leave since apparently she’s not a good enough mom for me. And this started last year. In addition to that, she’ll get mad at me for very little things, like not being in the same room as her when I’m downstairs or not saying goodnight to her.
Honestly, I just get so sick and tired of her attitude. When she gets mad at me or my dad or even my siblings, none of us are allowed to comfort the person who’s crying or else my mom will get mad at them. For some reason, my family basically lives to worship the ground my mom stands on and will just stand to the side while she’s verbally abusing someone. She talks bad about my step dad to my little sisters, and she’ll even tell my sisters how bad I am too and that she hopes they don’t end up like me. I don’t understand. I do everything she tells me to, I try my best at school, and I try my best not to give her an attitude. Yet she always finds a way to take her anger out on me and find some reason to be mad.
Last year I tried to commit suicide. I was 16 at the time, and I was just so tired of living. I said goodbye to my sisters, told them I loved them, and went downstairs. I got the knife out of the block, and held the tip against the middle of my abdomen. I tried, I tried so hard to push it in and end my life right there. But I couldn’t because the physical pain was too much for me. You’d think, oh it’s just a few seconds of pain and then you’re gone from all the emotional put down you have to go through, yet I could not do it.
I have felt suicidal ever since this year has started. Sometimes it’ll disappear and I’ll be fine. But when I’m alone. I wonder why I’m still alive. It has gotten so bad sometimes, that I’ve begged God to end me because the pain was too much.
For the past few days, my mom and I have gotten into more and more arguments about school, my grades, if I’m doing m college essays, etc. It’s gotten so bad, that today I didn’t even want to talk to her, cause I knew if I did, an argument would just start again. But in an attempt to get over the past few days, I talked to her, gave her a soda, stayed downstairs, and pretended I was happy.
But it just spirals downward. I won’t say how, because my comment is already long enough, so I’ll just skip to the end. My mom and I get in an argument on our way to the movies. I tell her that all she cares about is grades and she throws some insults back at me, etc. I almost never mention my suicidal thoughts to my parents, cause I know that they won’t take me seriously or even care. But I do so anyways, hoping my mom will at least give a shit about me and how I feel. She doesn’t. She asks why, since I have such a good life. She tells me I’m spoiled and that while I’m over here wanting to kill myself, my cousins are sleeping in a car with her sister (my aunt). She says if I die, I’ll burn in hell and that I’m a bad influence on my siblings for being so upfront about suicide. I tell her, that that is why I do not talk to her about my emotional problems, because she ALWAYS says how lucky I am to live under a roof.
I don’t have children, and I don’t plan on having any. But if I did, no matter how angry I am at my child, I would NEVER tell them to burn in hell, or that my life would be better if they were gone. I would not put my child through that, especially if they were having suicidal thoughts and tried to kill themself.
I don’t know what to do. Because I can only take so much, and keep it all in. Even when I’m telling my dad how I feel, he tells me, Ej you just have to learn to shut up cause that’s how mom is.
Do you know how shitty and worthless that makes me feel? I want to DIE and my mom just calls me a spoiled brat. Ya know, if I do end up dead, I hope she realizes not to do the same thing with my sisters. Because it would suck to have three dead children instead of just one.
This is actually me but im going to be a junior this year and they are stressing me out and not caring about what i want to do bc i really like volleyball but they dont support anything that isnt school related. Im not excited for this year because i have to take the sats and ive been studying all summer and im scared i wont do well and then they will pressure me even more and also im scared i wont make the varsity volleyball team bc i havent really been able to practice this summer. I really dont want to live anymore i really just dont want to go to this school year and im scared to kill myself but i still want to kill myself because im so done with everything and i really cant even see my future anymore.
I know how you feel or maybe not but i know what it feels like to not want to be here….I do and don’t believe in God at the same time I know weird right,, people do care about you and they don’t know you, or you them it’s not all evil. Even if there is a lot of evil here. And that goes for everyone on this site. There is a plan for this all I refuse to believe this is just all a mistake evolution,that it just happened for no reason that the world is just a so real series of serial numbers. I send everyone on here a lots hugs in your time of need. I don’t want to promote of anything but people that help me in this time of brain sadness are eyedea a rapper/singer rip maybe just maybe it will do the same for you not all of his song are about how we may feel but some do bye.
Look… my mom does the same thing. But don’t kill yourself. Set your own expectations. Be proud of who you are and don’t believe anyone who tells you you you’re not good enough because you are so amazing you get good grades even in rough circumstances.
Honestly, my life is ok, I have one really good friend at school and a few internet friends, yet I still feel like I’m worthless, wrong, ugly, fat, and all of that, I lost my one friend that made me happy. I blame myself for it, I did everything wrong, I do everything wrong. I feel like my mind is different from everyone else’s. I feel like I deserve to die. I think I might have depression, I asked my dad if I could get it checked but he just laughed it off. Since I couldn’t get it checked I took a few internet teste, I know they’re not the best or the most accurate but it said
“Severe depression”
on every test I took, is there any chance that I have depression?
-A 12 year old girl
Hey, I’m just going to come right out and say it. Yes, you might have severe depression and that is very dangerous. I absolutely hate that your father laughed it off, especially because you need help. So here’s what I suggest. If you can, you need to find an excuse to either go to your doctor or an emergency room and once there, tell them that you feel like you might have severe depression and have been having suicidal thoughts. You need to take care of yourself. You’re so young, and I promise you, if you keep living and keep trying to get better, life will get better. I’ve been in your shoes before. Please, walk a little further
I’m going through something similar. . . I’m 13 and i find it hard to be happy and i dont know why and i feel like im just pathetic bc, like you, i have a good life, a few good friends, i lost a few rlly good friends, so i feel stupid and selfish and worthless bc i dont have a “reason” to feel depressed but i do and i have suicidal thoughts and ive taken tests online bc i feel to pathetic to say anything to my parents, (i got severe depression as well but its probably nothing its just online) but i want to go to a docter and i want to tell my parents or talk to someone and i dont know what to do and ive just been really negative and uninterested bc of it and im just not a nice person to be around bc i bring everyone down and i drive people away and i feel like its not worth it anymore and my mum always bugs me about being negative and miserable and why i am and that a shouldn’t be and ugh i just dont know. I cant anymore. I can barely focus sometimes. Sometimes it gets really bad and i cant even focus enough to read and im just in a really bad headspace and i dont want to be here anymore and i dont deserve to die and have it easy but i dont deserve to live either. And i dont have an eating disorder but i try not to eat as much as i can bc im ugly and fat and i dont deserve anything. Im just a burden to everyone. And i know this is really long and no ones going to actually read it but this is the first time ive said something about what i feel to anyone else. Ive been like this for about a year.
Hello, my name is Dave. im a 14 yr old boy who’s dealt with Depression and anxiety for 2 years. since i started junior high really.
ive always been Pessimistic about myself. ive got no talent,sports or know anything at school.. its been hard to think about whats happening in the future or how my classmates think of me. because ive always been alone. ive had relationship with my crush before. but doesnt talk to me anymore.. like we used to do a lot back then, she is talking to other guys except me. i try to not get jealous anymore and i tried to let go. i still couldnt forget.. which made me think a lot on how to let go..
im the “Black sheep” of the Family. I MAKE THINGS WORSE, i pressure my mom, we always argue about the small stuff. and my grades… she expects bad things from me, so i tried to hang myself. the rope snapped, ive cut myself a few times, ive tried to bang my head on the wall. i fainted a lot… and i seek mental help here on the internet (because i dont want to talk to my parents nor my friends) People actually help. but i forget stuff easily, i try to do any of the things they tell me but i keep forgetting. and back to being anxious and depressed again..
Ive freaked out in the middle of the class talking suicide to classmates. non of them seem to care… I try to talk it out but they dislike me after they hear my story, ive got NO true friends…
im going to die alone am i?
Dave,
I sure hope you will talk to an adult about how you’re feeling. It sounds like you don’t feel supported by your parents, but your doctor, or a teacher, or a minister, rabbi, imam or other religious leader, could help you, too. You could even just go walk into an emergency room and ask for help. Also, have you tried texting 741-741? They can help, too, as can many of the places listed on the Resources page at speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
The important thing to hold on to is that the way you feel now, and the way you live now, will not last forever. I hope you will get help!
I don’t know what to do. I feel depressed. I’ve taken online tests and it’s said severe depression although I don’t think it could be too accurate. But the thing is I don’t have a “reason” to feel like I do. It just makes me feel more pathetic and I don’t want to say anything about what I feel because of that. I have suicidal thoughts sometimes as well. I don’t know how to talk to my parents or anyone about it. This is the first time I’ve written/said something about it that people can read. My mum bugs me about being negative and miserable and she asks me why and says that I shouldn’t be. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been feeling like this for about a year. I drive people away. I know I’m not nice to be around. I either feel really worked up and angry, really self loathing, really confused and hard to focus, really really miserable, really jealous or annoyed, really hopeless and worthless and that i dont deserve anything or anyone, or just nothing. Just total emptiness. There’s more but I can’t write it all. My head feels like total mush at the moment. Like I could just be floating in space and time. I’m also not good at communicating my emotions. So I find it hard to comfort other’s or find comfort for myself. I don’t know. And I know this is stupid and selfish and desperate and needy just talking about myself like this. I’m so sorry.
I try to talk to my mom about how I’m depressed but she never takes it seriously and I dont know what to do my depression is getting worse.
I have been having suicidal thoughts and depression. I have never told anyone because I know that nobody will believe me, my parents will just get mad and say i’m overreacting. When I am alone I just cry and I feel empty inside. The main reason why i’m feeling like this is because of my mom. She yells at me everyday, she hits me, and she makes me feel terrible. She is always calling me names like dumb, stupid, useless. This is the reason why I am failing 8th grade. I can’t concentrate on my school work and I have to take a summer course and she says that it’s all my fault because I am dumb. She makes me feel like nobody cares about me and I know that nobody does. Everyday I say to myself today i’m gonna kill myself but then I think of the pain I will cause my best friend since he is the only one who cares about me. I’ve never hurt myself because I’m scared people are gonna notice and I don’t want anyone to know.
Anonymous,
What you’re describing is incredibly painful and unfair. You do not deserve to be hit or called names. NOBODY does. If you are in the U.S., please text the Crisis Text Line at 741741 for help, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255 (TALK). If you are not in the U.S., check out the Resources page for other resources.
You do not deserve to be hurt, and there are ways to get help and feel better!
Someday I know someone is going to ask why your grades are low. Someone did that to me. Tell them the truth and don’t give up. Or you can tell someone why your grades are so low. You can also try talking to a counselor.
My name’s Jazmine I recently turned 13 about a month ago and I’ve been dealing with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts ever since I’ve moved schools. I have these thoughts because I recently got a step dad who has hit me so many times and every time he hits me it gives me another reason to kill myself. Some people might say that moving schools is hard but not enough to kill yourself but, not every year does some guy come along and be your step dad making him move out of your grandma’s house that you love a lot. My step dad is one of the main reasons I want to die. Some days I think I’m happy some days I think everything inside of me is dead, except for my heart that’s for some strange reason is beating. I’ve made my arms bleed many, many times for wanting to commit suicide. Some days I tell myself that I’m gonna do it already and get my misery over with but, the only person I care about is my mom. And I can’t leave behind my mom because she found out that I want to commit suicide because I told someone at school and they told the school counselor and she told my mom and my mom said she’s gonna kill herself if I do it. And my step dad got her pregnant so if I kill myself, she’s gonna kill herself and the poor baby is going to be left with my stepdad. Everyone says suicide isn’t how to get away from your problems but for mine it is, how am I supposed to get away from him my mom loves him no matter how many times he hits me. So if I die he won’t be there he’ll be gone and I’ll be away from him once and for all, or until he dies.
Jazmine,
I’m very sad you’re dealing with this, both with wanting to die and with getting hit by your stepfather. I hope you will text 741741 or call 800.273.8255 for help with your suicidal thoughts.
As for your stepdad, there are laws against his hitting you, and child protective services can help to keep you safe. I know the system’s not perfect, but if you want help getting them involved, please email me at speakingofsuicide@gmail.com.
It’s good your mother knows you want to die, and I hope she can help you, too.
I’m hoping for the best for you!
Hey… I’m sorry, about your situation. I know you probably care about your mom alot. I must say, don’t let your problems get worse. I’m pretty sure your mom will not kill herself if you are happy. So talk to someone about your situation, please? They can help you.
I’m a 13 year old girl.
Ate my feelings away with food.
Now, I hate myself.
I cut.
I don’t eat lunch at school.
I don’t even have a personal life so I can’t hang out with anyone,
the only place away from my family is my room.
I can’t say no to tea (dinner) even though, when I eat I feel disgusting.
I’ve told my parents about my depression and suicidal thoughts and they just say that I’m Silly and I’m Seeking Attention, sometimes my brother says he hates people like me because they only Seek Attention.
My brothers bully me a lot, it used to be very physical, but now it’s just verbal, yet it still hurts like I’ve been punched in the gut.
Sometimes I even sit alone in my room crying for no reason, yet I have every reason to.
Sometimes I lay there and feel empty and disgusting.
I tried to tell a friend but I couldn’t get the words out, I couldn’t even bring myself to give her the pieces of paper that I’d wrote my feelings on.
I know this is cliche but; I have friends and I have family members, yet I feel so alone.
I fear I know why, because no one else understands what I’m going through, and It’s really sad to feel alone in such a situation.
I feel as if I can’t speak to anyone about this, would someone please give me advice.
I’m a 14 yrs old girl and idk why but I’m just tired of life. Nobody talks to me in school. And that resulted with bad grades. I don’t want to attempt suicide, but I’m just tired. And, because of my bad grades, my parents would add extra classes to higher my grades. And that’s just making me feel more tired. I’ve tried talking about it to my parents, but they just said that it can’t be real, and instead I should just focus on my grades. I’m tired of school. I don’t wanna be ignored by my classmates. My classmates don’t bully me, they just straight up ignored me. They don’t wanna talk to me except when it’s really needed.
I’ve been through the same thing (I’m 14 too ?). You should know you mean the world to someone out there. I think your parents love you but they have too high expectations because they don’t understand. Personally I think if you are depressed focus on not making your depression worse first. You are more important than your grades. Try and find someone you can trust to talk to.
My dad shouts at me all the time and i get so angry i feel like committing suside
Me too.
im going into 7th grade in a couple months
I’ve cut myself before I feel scared to tell my mom
I hope that everyone that feels like committing suicide knows there’s more than you know that you have people that care about you. truly care
Hi im 14
I have suicidal thoughts to
I used to have anger issues
And because of that my dad and I have an hate relationship.
My life at school is not ok
Its even REALY bad
Everyone hates me
Nobody notices me.
I act like im popular at home
Tell everyone im fine and that I have allot of frends.
Wel. I dont
I feel alone
I dont even feel most of the time
I want to die
Ive told my mum but she told me that its just a teen thing.
And that I cant be depressed at 14.
I love my mum but she dosent understand me and it makes me feel even more alone
I can sorta relate to you. I know you probably want help right now, but I can’t give you that when I’m searching for it too.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m really fed up. I’m 16 and can’t see any way out. I have been struggling alone with depression for 3 years. I self harm and I recently just ravaged my forearms. I can’t talk to anyone. I’ve held on for so much time but i think that not everyone can be saved. I just need everything to stop. It’s unbearable. Why me ? Why all this pain ?
been feeling suicidal for years, finally told my parents. It was a mistake, they said i didn’t have the privilege to be depressed/suicidal. It just wanna be happy again
Like most days, I just want to die. But today was even worse! My dad said he wouldnt even care if I died! Then he kept whipping me so much I actually started bleeding!
And so Im writing this with a bleeding finger.
My parents say that they dont want me to run away JUST because THEY dont want to get in trouble . They also keep saying that their job isnt to care, comfurt, help, or make me happy. Its to be purposely mean so I will learn to be good. Well, the only thing Ill be learning is to HATE them! Here is something that they said, “If you die, it will be nice, quiet, and peaceful, with no complaining.” Thanks alot dad, your just making me want to suicide.
PLEASE PLEASE HELP!
I HATE MY PARENTS!
I HATE LIFE!
NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME!
????????
HELP ME
PLEASE!!!!!!!
Katelyn,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I’m concerned about you and your safety. What you’re describing is physical and emotional abuse. Please tell an adult what you’re going through. It could be a friend’s parent, or a teacher or counselor at school, or your doctor, or the police.
If you’d like for me to help you get connected with people who can help you, email me at speakingofsuicide@gmail.com.
You really should contact childline. Your life is in danger because of the abuse from your parents and and your suicidal thoughts. Btw, your conversations stay private and they can help you and most likely take you away from your family if you want as it is not safe.
Hey feel the same way he shouted at me today for throwing his bread onto his plate i said it was not on purpose but he did not believe me throwing things is my bad habit i felt like killing myself i am 14 years old
Tell someone about this. You are very important and I want you to be safe. You might want to tell someone tho, because it doesn’t seem like you are safe with your dad.
I tried talking o my mom and dad about my suicidal thoughts but they just brush me off and tell me that i’m saying all this for attention ……..im only fourteen and I have tried to hurt myself more than 5 times .i just really want to end my life,what is the use of living in a place where no one understands or care’s for you.
This probably sounds dumb but if you see this message I was thinking that what if we started a private group so we could all talk.
I think it could heal our hearts and we’d have other people our age to speak to too
(they’d understand since they’re going through a similar thing).
Like all of you on here who are so hurt and damaged.
I only have Instagram @themysteriousshadow
(It sounds stupid right? Who knows it might work. Besides its better then nothing.)
We could start a group for all us teenagers.
If you’re interested…
(I really want to help. I know what its like feeling helpless and just about surviving day after day )
We could talk about it and there’d be alot of us with similar experiences…
But yeah I think it could work.
(Msg me if you’re interested, who knows maybe it’d work)
I’m interested
I’d really like that instagram thing
Interested
I am 17 and I started to cut myself two weeks ago. It all started when my girlfriend told me that she is cutting herself. I’ve been bullied for two years now and just two weeks ago is when I snapped. I what help but I am to scared to talk but I can write but I can’t talk so please help me.
Tyler, I’m sorry you’re hurting like this. I don’t provide counseling on this site but I do give information and referrals. In your case, since you don’t like to talk, maybe you could email someone with the Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org. You also could turn to places that provide help by text, like the Crisis Text Line (text 741741) or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s text service (go to chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx).
If you decide you do want to talk to someone, the Samaritans also has a teen hotline, called Samariteen, at 800-252-8336.
Good luck to you!
I’m fourteen now and even though the bullying has stopped i can’t stop hating myself or having suicidal thoughts. I cut my self one day. Because of what happened before I can’t trust anyone since everybody hurt me my mum- for not caring, my teacher who told me to ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’ and left me out of events, every shitty girl i tried to talk to who ignored me and did stuff to me. I didn’t know it was bullying then. Stupid right?
We moved country’s now but I still hate myself cry every day. I can’t bring myself to befriend anyone, can t trust anyone- which means i have no friends. A few days ago my dad who used to be my best friend learnt that I didn’t trust him. Every day i feel like killing myself. For years I was alone and I literally did not talk to anyone.
I’m too ashamed to cry in front of anyone so now when I talk about my feelings I’m rock hard and keep a straight face so no one will know.
Everything is so complicated and back then I wanted to scream at everyone Help me!
Even now I’m pathetic and broken but I make it look like I’ve come out strong.
I want to talk to people but I doubt every single person.
The only reason I’m saying this is because you can’t see me.
One day I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid.
I’ve already cut my wrists once.
I want help too…
Everytime I hear or read the word bullying images pop in my head and I feel like crying and screaming at everyone.
I’m so messed up inside and complicated to understand.
Find someone you can trust, do things you want to do even if they seem stupid, live life and find fun stuff to do. Create a future to look forward to
( in mine I’m going to become a police officer and I’ll also visit Japan,I’ll find a friend to take to a lantern festival and we’ll make a wish, I’ll lie in a field and look at the sky and we’ll just talk) even if half the things won’t happen. Have something to look forward to.
To live for which will get you through every single day and make you determined to live.
And most of all just be yourself-try as hard as possible.
I feel so much better saying all this even if I seem pathetic or stupid.
Thats some of my life story.
P.S one day I’m going to get a dog who’ll love me and who I can talk to and hug
Mystery,
I hate how much you are hurting, feeling afraid, and beating yourself up.
I love how you give such good advice to others – and to yourself – and how you have hope and plans for your future.
There’s a lovely parable that says we each have two wolves living inside of us, one that treats us with love and compassion, and another that subjects us to fear and hatred.
In the parable, a boy asks, “Which one wins?”
The boy’s grandfather says, “The one you feed.”
I hope you will continue to feed the part of you with plans, hopes, and advice.
You not starve the other wolf. It needs your love and compassion, too. Just remember to feed the other wolf more.
If you want to talk with someone by phone, email, text or online chat, please check out the Resources Page.
I have been suicidal and depressed going on 4 years.. Attempted 3 times. Write what you have to say, because honestly i’m in the same boat i can write but cant say it. Then just leave out in the open. Trust me i have been isolated this long you don’t want to be.. I cry myself to sleep each night just get help as early as you can.
My dad caught me breaking down after my mum spoke to me about the fact that people will always judge me for having brown skin and wearing a head scarf and that the media marks us as terrorists. She said it was the Irish before us and the Russians before them. My dad said that the people who judged me based on what I looked like aren’t worthy of our friendship and hugged me. I think I’ve finally stopped hating myself so much now. After speaking to my dad about stuff I felt much better and I think I’ve finally stopped living like I was.
I don’t doubt my family so much now and I’m not ashamed to cry in front of him.
I haven’t had a tough time as half of you had.
Before when I was alone I used to just sit and look at the ceiling and talk to god ( I don’t care how dumb it sounds)
I think I’m passed what happened now.
You should try talking to a family member.
I didn’t belive that would work so I kept it in but surprisingly it does.
I’m going to try and live life the way I want.
I don’t care if people don’t accept me.
Its important to stay who you are and don’t let anyone change you.
I think I’ve let go of the hate.
Its not easy to stop hating yourself.
Thats one of the things that hurts the most.
If you speak to a family member they might tell you how special you are to them.
I’m accepting that I am who I am with the way I look.
If you don’t try it and take the risk things can get a lot worse.
I hope your life gets brighter
But the worse thing you can do is bottle things in.
So try to talk even if its only getting a few words out.
I am 17 it all started two weeks ago I got to school and saw that my girlfriend is crying. she told me that she cut herself and she showed me her arms I asked if needs to talk but she said no and that hit me hard then 11:07 the lunch bell rang I sat at my table and everyone told me to get out I asked why and they said no one likes you. So I went to the library and cryed and that’s when I started to cut myself when I got on the bus I got bullied. And my depreciation got worse. When I got home I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and went to my room and locked my door and then I sat on my bed with the knife in my hand and I cut both of my arms after that I don’t know what to do. My parents don’t know and I what it to stay that way. What do you think I should do?
Tyler, please talk to someone. You could tell your parents, or a school counselor, or a friend’s parents. Or call, text, email, etc. one of the places listed on the Resources page. (I named a few places in my response to your other comment.)
You do not need to be alone with this suffering!
Hi you should tell some family member so they can take you i only talked to my sister but i started talking to my mom but i think you should tell someone that can get you help dont worry about bullys btw you could be homeschooled
I keep having suicidal thoughts and I’m not afraid to do it at all. My parents don’t believe in emotional struggle, and we don’t cry around eachother. Help me please because they WILL NOT listen to me.
Trinity,
Please, please talk to someone about your feelings and thoughts. It sounds like your parents won’t be understanding, but they might surprise you. And if they aren’t, please talk to a teacher, or a school counselor, or a friend’s parents, or a hotline. If you go to the Resources page for this site, you will find many places where you can get help by phone, text, email, or online chat. I hope you will reach out. You do not need to be alone with your suicidal thoughts.
You forgot the one where both your parents have mental health issues as well and they will think they’re bad parents (though they’re not) and kill themselves and leave your baby brother all alone. I am not afraid of them saying mean stuff to me, I am afraid of them dying.
Beatrice,
What a burden for you to bear! It’s so hard. I hope you will reach out for help. The Resources page has a list of places to get help by phone, email, text, or online chat. I hope you’ll also consider confiding in a teacher or counselor at school. You shouldn’t be alone with this fear and with the suicidal thoughts that led you to it.
I’m trans and have bipolar disorder. I do well in school and everything but I used to (and still do) beat myself up for every little thing I do wrong. Imagine a five year old kid curled up in a ball on the cold, concrete floor of a basement crying to themselves repeating “No one loves you.”, “You’re stupid.”, and “I wish I could just die.” FIVE YEARS OLD. I still do that from time to time but that crap is burnt into my brain /: I literally mentally abuse myself. Now my brain is absolutely screwed and whenever I hit a depressive episode, I can’t even go to school because if I do, I can’t do ANYTHING because of how suicidal I get. It’s just me, awkwardly breaking down and crying in class, sobbing quietly so people don’t notice. I just tense up and feel so much frustration that I try letting that energy out through movement and pain which movement doesn’t work. I just make myself look like a spaz and pain doesn’t work because I don’t wanna cut myself so I just slam my head against walls. You can already see how that can go badly. When I’m at home and I feel this way, usually I end up tearing off my clothing, curling up into a ball in the closet, and just rocking back and forth while crying because I have no other way to let out that energy. Tonight, I was feeling REALLY bad and I don’t know if I can make it through tomorrow.
Anonymous,
I sure hope you’re still here. And I’m sad that you’re suffering so badly. Have you called the Trans Lifeline? Maybe they can help. The number is (877) 565-8860.
For a list of other places that you can get help by phone, email, online chat, or text, please check out the Resources page on this site, at http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
Good luck to you!
We’re kind of in the same boat. Well not really but I often find myself crying with an expressionless face and saying “you should die, you did everything wrong, no one cares about you, no one loves you, you’re ugly, you’re fat, you’re worthless” to myself
fun
the article is very true. i have suicidial thoughts but i cannot bear the fact that anyone else has it. so i like to help people. that makes my pains fly away, even if it’s for sometime.
My mom said it was a excuse. Is it a excuse to have six scars? My brother found out, he just made fun of me and threw it aloud in conversations at family parties. My dad tries to understand but my problems are just too overwhelming. I really liked volleyball and basketball. I wanted to try out for my schools teams but my dad said I wont make it on the team. I never tried out for the teams because I felt he didn’t believe in me. My dad was my coach for my families church basketball team, I stopped playing for the team because he caused my team to laugh at me all because he called me a loser in front of everyone. School destroys me, my peers think I don’t have ears. But I can hear every harsh word. It kills me, everyday wishing I could go home, lay on my bed, admire my favorite piano song, close my eyes, cry myself to sleep, and never wake up, having to get ready, for another day of torture.
Hi I’m 14 and turning 15, I started having suicidal thoughts when I was 9. My parents would always get mad at me because I’m different then others. I always get punched or slapped and get beat up or stepped on. My patience would always hold me back from my thoughts. The worst part is when my parents sent me to a religious private school, with very bad condition like not enough water or food. My parents always see the daydream but never realize the nightmare behind it. To make matters worst you get whipped for other people’s behavior and this happened when I was 12-13 years old. 2 years of learning nothing except religious stuff even though i was smart before this. My parents didn’t like my attitude and never felt what I did. Then I had a 2 day off and went to my grandparents house. I ate most of their pills even though I don’t know what kind of medicine. All shapes like stars, squares etc and I just didn’t want to live. My future dream destroyed everything I loved gone, I just don’t wanna sink into dark water anymore. Please give me some advice anyone I’m begging thank you for listening.
If you’re in North America, you can also call the 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK)
This sounds a lot like abuse to me, both physical and emotional. I don’t know what you want to hear, but I’m hoping I can help you. I’m only 13, but I hope you will take my advice: Seek help. Call the suicide hotline, it’s okay, you don’t even have to tell your parents. If they won’t listen to you, tell someone else. I know a lot of people say it, and it sounds cliche, but I really think you should call. If you are unwilling to do that though, find some friends who are willing to listen to you and stand up for you, or find someone who feels the way you do. I might sound really cliche, and sound impossible and cheesy, but it really will help. And hey, if you don’t have allergies, you could try checking out the nearest pound after school. Helping take care of the animals there might help. Hope this was helpful, and that you get better soon. Keep fighting, okay? 🙂
I’m 14 and I have been feeling depressed and hopeless. I have bad suicidal thoughts. I’m overweight (198) . If I ever told my parents I am suicidal then they would freak out.
198 pounds for your age is not overweight, it’s actually pretty good. And if you don’t want to tell your parents, you could always call the suicide hotline. But if you can’t bring yourself to do that, try helping at the animal shelter, I know the fuzzy animals there can put anyone into a better mood. I know this stuff isn’t simple, and I know how much you suffer. This is an important issue. Try joining a few after school clubs, take every advantage in life, even if you can’t see them right away. Stay strong, okay? There’s always help available for you.
I was diagnosed with depression two weeks ago. My mom constantly tells me that it’s “all in my head” and that I’m “making myself depressed”
She also said this. “I should take you to a foster home so you can see kids with real problems” “My life was worse”
She refuses to pick up the medication I was prescribed. I’m not to crazy about pills but if it helps I want to try it. My brother has similar problems and she was even worse with him.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. Even if you don’t believe me, you are important, and depression is a real mental illness. It’s “legit”. Get help from someone, anyone, who is willing to listen. Even if it’s a stranger online, like me. Please keep fighting, okay? I know you can do it, just stay strong! ;D
All of the above
Hey bro, it’s okay. I’m proof someone’s listening! Just stay strong, and things will be alright. 🙂
I am 13 and I have been dealing with intense depression and anxiety for one or two years. I have always had major panic attacks where I have gotten sick and dizzy. About 6 months ago I starter having horrible depression and have had suicidal thoughts. I have scratched up my arms and purposefully bruised myself. It doesn’t give me releif, I just do it to get my emotions out because I don’t know what to do. My main cause of anxiety is school because my school is very strict and I have about 2-3 hours of homework each night. I have felt especially terrible this week. I feel so hopeless, the thought of going to school makes me feel physically sick. I can’t think of any possible way to avoid going to school other than faking being sick or killing myself, although I do not want to kill myself I just keep thinking of it. My depression and anxiety keeps me from doing well in school. I didn’t do some homework I had last night because I kept crying and feeling sick, and my math teacher got really angry at me in front of the class for not doing the homework. I can not even stand the thought of school tomorrow and I have no idea what to do. I have already hurt myself today. I am female by the way. PLEASE help me,I have my very first counseling appointment in a week, but I don’t know what to do in the mean time. (Ps. I don’t know if it makes me sound like a baby for being depressed because of school, but it just causes horrible anxiety that leads to depression. Please help.
Your not a “baby” for feeling that way. I feel that way too sometimes. I know your counseling will help, just pour your heart out! They’re listening to you, and they can help you. Things will be okay, just stay strong, and keep fighting! 😉
Hi I am 13
When I was 11 my dad died and my mom does drugs so I live with my aunt and uncle but they call me names like little shit and many outher things but they don’t hit or any thing like that but I have tried to kill my self 5 Times in 2016 and I want to tell them and get help but I don’t know how to please help.
I’m sorry you’ve been through so many hard times, far more than anyone your age – or any age – should go through. Please tell your aunt and uncle, or some other adult if you don’t want to tell them. You could tell a teacher, a school counselor, a coach, a friend’s parents. Whether you tell your aunt and uncle or someone else, you can just show them what you wrote here.
If you’re in North America, you can also call the 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK).
Please tell someone … soon!
I know this sounds cliche, but try calling the suicide hotline, They are always listening, and nobody else has to know.
I am 16 and i just feel hopeless and depressed.I mean my life is full of nothing but sadness all my parents do is yell at me and my siblings about how we don’t do anything right and how they gave they life up for us and we are the reason they are poor.my dad always say that he gone kill us and how he wish he didn’t have us.I mean eveythjng is our fault.i am failing in school because of them always having me watch their baby and how they gone control our life until we 24.i have 8 siblings and it’s hard to feel love or give it when it is not shown to you.then they just make life harder and harder i don’t know what to do.I have been depressed for about 4 years.I have tried suicide 4 times and have been unsuccessful.and i wish i could tell them how i feel but i can’t because they would just say want attention well i give u some with this belt.or if i say i am depressed they will say why cause you can’t do what you want to do.and i can go on and on on what they are going to say i mean i just feel unloved and then my mother stands by and lets things be said or did and she does nothing she is so weak.Right now i am deciding on what I am going to do.I don’t really want to die because i want to have my bright future that I have thought of for me.I just really want to cry out for help in a different way than telling them and I feel like attempting suicide would let them now .But they probably still wouldn’t do anything for me but swear at me and beat my ass for embarrassing them and making them have to go to the hospital.I am just so angry right now. Any suggestions on what to do?
It’s okay bro… 🙁 It’s okay. I know how you feel, but things are gonna be okay. Try volunteering at the animal shelter! Or joining after school clubs! Or even pouring out your feeling to online strangers like me, cuz I’m proof someone’s listening, and willing to help!
If they beat you that is called abuse and you should tell someone and if you’re afraid to go home because they are just going to beat you tell someone you are afraid to go home. The world is not all about them. You matter too and if you feel you need help you should get some.
Parents are quick to have children because of the cuteness of babies. Parents never really stop to think about the ramifications of bringing a human being into our imperfect world.
I feel it bro! 🙁
I’m 14, started having suicidal thoughts at 12, attempted suicide 3 times in the space of 1 year and a half and i am currently struggling with depression as of late. The thing that kinda caused all of this bullshit was when my best friend for over 8 years basically told my best friend that i beat her up which was completely false considering i’m the weakest person you would ever care to meet, she told my best friend who at the time was also struggling with panic attacks and depression, i told my best friend she believed me and it was fine but after that we didn’t talk for months until i gave and pushed aside my stubborn nature for the sake of saving me awkward moments and icy fucking glares, but after that i have never fully trusted someone which leads me to the reason i”m on this site. I’m struggling with what could be depression ,suicidal feelings, and i cant tell my parents friends or any other people for the sake of my pride , fear of rejection or even upsetting people and i end up just isolating myself more and more each day
any advice would be greatly received
it’s okay.. you’re not the alone one. you’re not alone.. im right now experiencing the same thing too. today was the first day of school and i already feel mentally tired. im scared and embarassed to tell my parents that im sad and depressed. ive also been thinking of suicidal thoughts but i try my best not to think of it. i dont want to disappoint and burden my parents… also my family. you’re not alone.. im with you.
Hey, am not going to be emotionally supportive just for the sake of it. am going to be honest with you. Non of the things that happened with your friend is your fault. Sometimes people are just bad and they try to hurt others. The fact that you feel bad about what happened just means that you are a sensitive human being. Being hurt by the people we care about will feel very bad but you don’t have to blame yourself, with time you will heal and in the future still continue to be a good friend to people around you,the world needs that. Telling your parents how you feel will be a good idea, don’t worry about how they will feel,just try to be as honest as you can, and if they misunderstand and reject you, try to find someone that will understand you even if its on the internet( anonymously). Also, finding it hard to trust others is normal, like I said,people can be bad and hurt others, I once had a friend too for a long time and when he betrayed me,I found it hard to trust again, right now am just being the nice person I used to be but I don’t trust people anymore and that’s perfectly normal, continue to be a nice person while also protecting yourself from getting hurt by jerks. If you ever need to talk am available. Rodrigojonas747@gmail.com
Lastly, please don’t attempt suicide anymore, you could seriously harm your body and still be alive, that will make life worse. Don’t drink overdose of sleeping pills or drink any other substance that you think can kill you, you could be wrong. To be honest I support your right to choose whether you want to live or die, but try to solve your problems in other ways and wait till you’re older before you make the final choice, and don’t choose death because some jerks hurt you, whichever one you choose, let it be your choice and not the choice of those jerks. I hope you make the right choice.
It’s okay. I know how it feels, believe me bro. I don’t know what to say to make you feel better other than someone’s listening and can relate to your pain. You aren’t alone. I hope you feel better.
hey, uh, what do i do when im getting beat by a fucking BELT because i didn’t clean the entire damn house up to her standards, and when i yank the belt away, i get CHOKED and my head slammed into the ground, because im supposedly making her “late” to pick up her friend.. boyfriend? i dunno, from his work. i mean, cant he call a taxi? im a 15 year old dude btw and sometimes i fuckin say to myself im damned for hell… i am a christian though, its just .. real hard to explain the shit i go through when she goes all hulk smash on me. and she also fucking calls me names ive never even heard of before like “retadundo” and “dumby” and dickhead and shit i dont wanna fucking say. its offensive as hell when she calls me a retard. i once told her “do you even KNOW what that word means/represents?” and she went fuckin ballistic missile on me. but, yea im the lazy one when me and my sis cook clean do the dishes take care of our younger sis while she stares at netflix and facebook. i care for her, but i cant stand her. i understand she just got a job and some surgery thingy but holy shit. its been going on my ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. i literally haaaaate myself sometimes.
p.s. music can somewhat help.
jhvc,
I’m so sorry you’re going through such abuse. NOBODY deserves that. EVER. I’d like to try to get you some help. Please email me at speakingofsuicide@gmail.com if you’d like to.
I’m glad that music helps a little. I hope that other things, and people, can help, too.
Dude, your sitting through abuse! You don’t have to deal with that shit bro, get some help, okay?
Your mom is definitely abusive. Please tell someone because some of the things you just said to me makes me afraid for your safety and even life.
Hi, I’m 13
I have been depressed for four years and I’m done. I’ve attempted to end it 4 times but all times I failed. I cut myself to the point of great blood loss. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.
I am and have been in your situation and I need you to get help. If you don’t go to therapy already, please try to bring it up to your parents. Just say something like “hey I’d like a counselor to help me organize the way I do things for school”; you don’t have to make it about mental health. If you are already in therapy ask your therapist about trying something different. I know what it’s like to want to die at thirteen and it’s not pretty. Please reach out to someone. Even something small is a good first step.
I need help. I’m 11 years old and I’m 100% certain I have anxiety and slight depression. I want to tell my parents but I can’t. Help me Please.
also I’ve cut and do it from time to time.
My problem is even worse. I just hope someday, I could forget the day my crush, went out with my “friend” I made in 5th grade. I feel betrayed, heartbroken, forgotten. I just wish life was just a dream, but its not……..I want to kill my self, yet i’m too scared to do so. I’m just suffering in this uncaring place.
I probably won’t get over it either.
You should move on, that sounds like a petty issue. Seriously, I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel bad but please. Please read some of the other comments and rethink your issue and situation.
Im 11 year old female and i need help my mom tells me im selfish just because i forgot to buy her food and so now i really need help because im thinking of killing her or killing myself please help me
Will you please leave some information here or email me at speakingofsuicide@gmail.com so that I can get a hold of someone who can help you? I don’t provide counseling on this site but I’d like to connect you to someone who can help.
Hi. 16 year old here.
I started having suicidal thoughts when I was 14, after floating away from a fucked-up relationship with a girl online. My psyche was torn to shreds and I constantly blamed myself for it. As time went on, I accepted what I had done, and came to terms with it.
I think it’s safe to say that I am lazy. I hate doing schoolwork, but I will put significantly more effort into what I’m doing if I’m genuinely interested. As a result, my grades plummet, and I get sat down by my parents and get asked why I’m not doing schoolwork. I want to say that I honestly couldn’t care about most of my schoolwork (unless it was writing, math, or programming). I get punished, I do better for a couple months, I slack off after a while, rinse & repeat. TLDR I have no motivation to succeed.
I’m rambling, whatever. I am also a pathological liar, an oppurtunist, and a terrible friend. I lead an extremely shallow life. I am compulsively submissive to authority and I give into their demands even when I know when I’m in the right.
I spent a majority of my childhood playing my Super Nintendo or N64 rather than playing with other kids. Naturally, I still play games to temporarily get my mind off of things occasionally.
I want to off myself because I recognized the futility of my life early on, like a premature existential crisis. If I off myself, save for a funeral and being known as that one loser that killed himself, would the world be better off without a stupid kid like me?
I ended up asking myself one night, “Am I even a real person?”
There is one light in my life, however. A rose in the sea of brambles. A girl that I genuinely love and would do anything for. She fills my soul with the determination to press forth and live on.
We’ll see in time.
Dude, your like my twin bro. I have been just like that, and as a fact I know it can be fixed. Somehow. Just keep hoping, and cling to as much hope as you can. I don’t suppose your willing to do anything like visit an animal shelter after school, or try after school clubs, but simply letting go for a while and just going where life takes you might just be exactly what you need to do.
I need help please
I constantly come to a point where i think im not good enough for my parents … whatever i do is either not good enough or unnoticed
Ive thought about suicide 2 times in the last 2 months i need someone to talk to but i dont know who
Im depressed and i have Anxiety
My younger brother is the angel of the family and i cant take it anymore
The main reason for all of this is the amount of pressure my parents put on me … i feel like im drowning PLEASE HELP ME
You’re good enough for me ?. Focus on one thing at a time. Imao you are more important than whatever tasks your parents are pressuring you to do.
Please help. I’m a 12 year old male and I want to end my life so bad. I am a extremely picky eater, so I hate almost all fruits and vegetables, and my dad yells at me every day. I have two older sisters that I get compared to constantly, and I feel so worthless. I have no talents. No purpose. I want to die but I’m scared what will happen, and I have no way of killing myself. help me
I know what you are going through. I am always being compared to my two brothers. And I am always being blamed. I told my brother that I had suicidal thoughts and he absolutely blew it! Just know that God loves you no matter what they say. You have so much purpose in life. You could be the next President or the First doctor to cure cancer. God loves u bro. Don’t throw your life away. I sometimes feel worthless and betrayed but I remember God is with me always. U want to become friends. I don’t have a lot of friends at school.
Hey, um…
So, I’m 14, and I’ve been dealing with depression, self-esteem issues, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts since I was 11. I kept it hidden for this many years and only recently have told my mom. She has reacted really angrily, and has started listing things she thinks I do for attention, like falling at church. I’ve tried to get her to understand what I’m feeling is real, but she says I’m overeating and that its just “being a teenager” or because of my period, or even that I am just copying her depression and anxiety! She says how one of my sisters (who I believe also has some sort of mental illness) used to do the same thing. She has even said that if I don’t “suck it up and act like a woman” that she’ll take me out of my high school church room, the only place I get to see people my age.
All of this only reinforces my feelings that I’m stupid, worthless, annoying and bothersome.
My mom also accused my suicidal friend (who also has various personality disorders and has been abused before) of just saying things for attention when she called one night to tell me she was going to commit suicide (she luckily never did). And now I’m not allowed to talk to her.
I don’t understand why with everybody else’s problems, its always “they are overreacting, its just a phase, they just want attention.” But when it comes to herself, its “you are so lucky you didn’t grow up like i did, i have to take medication for my clinical depression, i have to fight to get out of bed every morning, you’re so blessed you have no right to be sad.”
I can barely take this anymore! If it wasn’t for my one internet friend always being there for me, and a couple of my youth leaders, I’d probably already have killed myself by now. I don’t know how much longer i can do this…
God loves you bro. Don’t give up. Listen to a couple of Christian songs like “Its not over yet” by for KING and COUNTRY. And light up the sky by the Afters.
Try and stay in contact with your friend. She needs you. And your problems are not just part of being a teen. And when you feel suicidal I want you to know, your life is more important than some stupid rule your mom made up.
Hi. I’m eleven years old. I’ll be twelve eventually, but either way, both ages are way too young, I have to admit, for a suicidal person. But I’ll cut to the chase here. I’m alienated in my middle school (international school, mind you) for…well, everything, just about. Today, I believe it was, I went to Physical Education, my least favorite class. At least the teacher isn’t shitty. But my fellow students are. We went outside for soccer, which is my least favorite sport, or, at least, one of them. Did I mention that I can’t run well, am only strong mentally (to a degree), and a total fucker at sports? Well, I’m assigned to a team, and this is a strong team. These guys (plus one girl) are all great at sports. Me? I brought their standards down by like eighty percent. One thing: I will never want to be at a hard role. Ever. Everything’s hard enough already. Being a defender is a bit too much of a stretch for me, but it’s the easiest, so I just go ahead and plant my feet there. Problem? Yeah, I’m being fucking tested here. Not by my teacher. But by my fucking peers. They tell me, go as a striker. Me? Fuck no! But they say, just go, you retard. So I go.
Spoiler alert: we lose the scrimmage.
They have me to thank.
During the scrimmage, and the next one, people keep calling me “disabled”, “retard”, “fucking retard”, or any variation of “retard”. Eventually I’m like, fuck this, I’ll tell them that I’m not worth two pennies. So I say, I know I’m retarded, and fuck you. Did I mention that the others don’t fucking care? Or they’re like, oh, you admitted it, you ARE a retard, FUCK YOU. Those sons of whores, don’t know what empathy and shit is?
In other shit, I’m compared to by everybody. My mother compares me to my brother. Why can’t I be like my athletic, genius brother? God knows why. My fellow peers compare me to an ACTUAL, REAL LIFE RETARD IN OUR SCHOOL. I may be a bumbling fool physically, but I’m not really retarded! I let these insults affect me as a person, so that makes me depressed. I’ve been cutting for a year now, not often, and most cuts don’t leave a single permanent mark. But I only have one permanent-ish cut, and I pick away at it everyday. The pain is like adrenaline, gives me so much euphoria until it hurts. Or should I say “hurts”. I’ve been cutting enough to know that it doesn’t really hurt.
I DESERVE RESPECT, I say. No, comes the answer. I’m at rock bottom. I’m mad enough to kill almost anybody at my school, and in the world, really. Please help me. I don’t know what to do.
I have bad depression to and understand where you are coming from but you shouldn’t kill yourself. I’ve been there too but just try to find something you enjoy and stick with it. Video games and as bad is it may be, smoking helps me out because I feel I have something to live for.
So basically parents make it about themselves and don’t listen to there kids. That does not surprise me.
My life in 2 sentences.
Hello I’m 14 and I wanna kill myself.. I thought about it a few times before but I just couldn’t do it.. My life is going out of control.. My study life is increasing and I can’t take the pressure. I don’t know what to do and my parents aren’t helping please give me an easy fool proof method. To do it
Please don’t do it. If your parents won’t help, talk to a guidance counselor at school. I know you may be in a lot of pain right now, but you are very important. You can be helped. Please find someone you can trust to help.
Well I’m 12 I’ve been suffering since I was young, now you’re maybe thinking that that’s impossible you’re only 12. I grew into depression I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I tried to kill my self at age 4 but stopped to see what life was like. I was also bullied because I was too kind. people would use me and I found out in 6th grade my closest friend used me too. so that increased my depression and suicidal thoughts, and this year I almost did the same thing I tried to commit suicide. but my friend stopped me, haven’t told my parents but I get yelled at 12 times a day. and they think it’s just because I’m becoming a teen. I stay in my room all day blocking the world out with my music. and my friends have told me I’m one of the most popular people in school but I don’t care. I keep my friends up and fight for them, I am selfless in a way. I don’t tell my parents because they want me to be successful. I just want to feel loved I tried to tell my friends but they laughed about it, and said “good joke you depressed is impossible” I’m just too nice.. I still get bullied and idk what to do I just want to lay down and die.
Don’t give up bro. Me and u are in the same position. I feel betrayed by ALL my friends. All my friends left me. They “may” say hi but that is it. God is with u bro. I haven’t really been bullied because I am more respected. I am taller. U want to become friends? I don’t have any.
I’m 15 years old, soon to be 16.
My whole life I’ve hated myself; I have always had problems socialising and making friends. However, the past year and a half, maybe two, I’ve been suicidal, I’m pretty sure I have depression or bipolar, and my selfharming has gotten worse. Suicidal thoughts have increased dramatically, and every second of the day I can think or visualise of nothing more than killing myself. I might get the odd 5 minutes of my head not being on it but then it will all suddenly crash down and I’ll go for days on end
not being able to take a proper breath, or move properly, because I feel so hopeless and empty.
When I say I feel “empty” I am actually so full of negative emotion that I just feel……empty I suppose. It sounds idiotic, I know, but I can think of no other way to describe it.
I hate myself so much that I will not show my face and stay in my room for as long as possible. I’ve been starving, purging, and binging for a while now but I have never been happy with my body in my life. I never feel good enough, and that I’m a disgrace to my family’s name. All I ever do is embarrass everyone when I walk into a room and I know that they’d all be happier without me. They are tired of me. I am worthless and ugly and fat.
I have been on the verge of killing myself for the last few weeks and I know I will do it soon as in the within the next few nights. I don’t know why I’m saying this, I guess I’m just putting my emotions somewhere. I have no friends and I can’t talk to anyone so just ignore me this is unimportant
I don’t know you similar situation but I’ll give you advice I should follow myself you are worth it and people don’t think that. Hey I want to as well and I have a fucking long list of reasons I should do it but hey I’m struggling through unwillingly
So my case is a bit weird I just recently turned 15 and it’s now officially been 10 years since I’ve had depression and social anxiety. I bet you’re wondering why would a 5 year old be depressed, well you see my great-grandma had passed away at the time, we were really close. So her death affected me in a way I didn’t understand. At first it didn’t bother me because I didn’t understand death until a few months later I realized that would happen to me one day. After that realization I tried to live life to the fullest, I though that I was fine but years later my personality did a 180. I went from a confident and loud girl that would always raise her hand to a shy quiet girl that feared being called on. My depression got so bad that I thought about suicide all the time in 4th grade, my teacher saw my journal and sent me to counseling and I was starting to get better. Until I started middle school. Moving on a few months ago I told my guardian and her reaction was “You don’t have any reason to be depressed”. Afterwards she never brought it back up. I don’t know how to talk to her about it because now I’m having panic attacks in High school. I’m so stressed that I can’t help but ‘shut down’ during difficult situations. What should I do???
(apologies for my messy writing. Also I’m not 100% if I’m talking directly to a professional or to the person who wrote this article when I leave this comment. I don’t know if its the same person? I’m very sorry for my confusion.)
Hello, I am thirteen years old – soon to be fourteen. I am currently in a very sad state but too worried to tell my parents. I used to harm myself (in the form of cutting) however back then, I honestly was not that sad. But then this year – roughly half way through – I was, if this is an acceptable phrase, ‘attacked’ I guess – with horrible feelings, and I honestly don’t want to be alive anymore.(I don’t harm myself now – however I am disgusted in myself for doing it, so that just amplifies how I’m feeling now.) Its starting to get quite bad and I have heavily thought about acting upon these thoughts. I have told three or four friends about this, as I read that it was best to talk to somebody, whether it be a friend, teacher or parent. (as I stated, I am still too scared to tell my parents, or any adult.)
When my parents found out I had hurt myself (note – I was around eleven or twelve when I started cutting.) They reacted in ways that were stated in the article. I just wouldn’t speak to them – I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t necessarily in the right state of mind. (I read somewhere that was the way to say it, I’m not sure how else to put what I was trying to say, sorry.) How they reacted was not very nice in my perspective however. They accused me of wanting attention, which wasn’t very nice. They said that it could be worse, I have no reason to feel like this. Which is fair – considering they are worried parents with a lot on their plate to begin with, and have just found out their daughter has been hurting herself. So, understandable – but not very helpful for me.
(another note – they know about me harming myself back then, they don’t know I’m ‘suicidal’ right now – they don’t know how bad I’m feeling now. They think I’m totally fine.)
I wasn’t suicidal back then, more upset and stressed. And honestly a little stupid. I had heard about people cutting and I thought it would help me, obviously it didn’t. It just became addictive. But like I said, I was young – well, younger, (I’m still a kid, only thirteen, so yeah.) and stupid I guess. Well, I think others wouldn’t say I was stupid, that’s more just what I think.
Its really relieving to see a professional confirm how my parents acted was kind of normal though.
Anyway, I just really don’t want to be alive anymore and I am thinking about acting upon these thoughts. (Like I said.) So, I would like to get help, but I’m just scared.
I’ve left a whole lot out but this still ended up being a lot longer than I wanted it to be, and sorry if I repeated myself a lot. I tend to do that.
also I’m not very into the whole social media thing and commenting like this on websites but I wasn’t really sure what else to do… So I turned to this, I’ll probably regret it but whatever.
(also I only briefly proof-read this so sorry if there is in grammatical errors and such.)
Hopefully I’ll stay alive. I’m trying my best.
I’m so sorry you’re hurting like this and feeling so down on yourself. It’s great that you’re getting support from friends. The harsh self-criticism you’re experiencing can be a sign of depression and other problems, so I hope that, somehow, you will also get help from an adult. Maybe you could show your parents this post and your comment? If not, could you talk to a school counselor, teacher, or parent of one of your friends?
And in case you do show this to your parents, I would like to share with them this directly, here: Please listen to your daughter with curiosity, not judgment; with care and concern, not condemnation; and with unconditional love. I know it’s terribly frightening when your child feels so bad, and you want to believe with all your heart that it can’t be true, that something else must be going on, like drama or attention-seeking. Even though it’s hard, please assume that it is true (and probably even worse than she’s willing to admit to you), and ask yourself what reaction from you would help her the most.
And now back to you, “I’d rather not….” You also could call a crisis hotline or use a crisis text or email service. I have some of those listed on the Resources page of this site, at speakingofsuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp. In particular, the Samariteens help line might be of help to you. The number is 800-252-8336. There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255 (TALK).
You’re obviously a very articulate, insightful teen. I hope you’ll get help and stick around with us, because you absolutely don’t need to suffer like this. Good luck!
I am feeling very suicidal right now. It’s 2 in the morning where I’m at. And I’m on the roof. Jumping is crossing my mind. My mom has no idea I’m up here. Please help.
I’m very concerned for you and your safety. This site doesn’t provide counseling or crisis intervention, so please tell your mother immediately about how you’re feeling so she can get you help. You also can call 911, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK), or any other emergency numbers in your area. And you can walk into any emergency room and ask for help. I’m wishing for the best for you!
There has to be some tiny bit of hope in you, I suffer from mental illness as well. and I know what its like and I know you feel that little bit of hope left in you, because I feel it too. please don’t give up. and ask for help!!! will see soon enough life is worth living I promise, open your mind and don’t let your brain squeeze out all the positive thoughts. reach out and grab them and never stop telling your self you are more then enough!
Please dude, don’t jump. The pain in your life may be over, but also the joy that comes along with it. I only wish I could be happy in my life.
I’m 11 years old and I am going through severe depression. I cut everyday because I want to die already. I’ve lost all my hope and faith. I rarely smile now. About a month ago, I confessed to one of my best friends and she was so shocked now every time I bring it up, she is like, “plz don’t do it! Your making me cry.” And I can’t even feel sorry for her. I can’t feel anything:( I feel like a yandere (don’t judge) because sometimes I get so mad I want to kill someone. That’s usually myself though. Today, I grabbed a pair of scissors and aimed it at MY throat. I came so close to dying. But my stupid self dropped the scissors. I have not told my parents because I’m way too afraid of how they will react. I don’t know what to do anymore I f***ing hate myself. I want to die. I never stop thinking about it. I want to fall asleep and never wake up ever again.
One cause is….well…. me, my best friend, and another friend that goes to a different school fight ALOT. It’s like a see-saw. Someone says something, than the other one says something which makes the other angry, and it just keeps going.
Another cause is school ;-; I hate school. It just puts more stress on me and all that stress leads to depression which leads to attempting suicide. Like, if only they knew what I was going through, the kids and teachers might not be so rude and mean. Nobody likes me there. I get embarrassed everyday, I mess up, I get in trouble because I’m wearing a jacket (to hide my cuts) and I always forget hw. I need help. Please. Somebody help me. I can’t do this s*** anymore
Anonymous,
I beg you to tell your parents or, if that’s too scary, a counselor at school, a teacher, a friend’s mom or dad – anyone, an adult, who is in a position to get you help. You do NOT need to hurt like this. There are things that can help you feel better, like medication, therapy, and even other things, too, like light therapy, certain vitamins, exercise, and more. The important thing is that you let an adult know so they can help you. I know you’re scared of your parents’ response, but what if their response is good, loving, and helpful? Don’t tell yourself only about the bad possibilities; keep in mind the ways it could go well, too. And even if it does go badly (though I doubt it will), could things get much worse for you than they feel right now? It seems like it’s worth it to at least try to talk to them or someone else. You can also talk to someone at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK), or Samariteens at 800-252-8336.
You are obviously very bright and insightful. Your ability to articulate your thoughts and feelings is better than many adults’. You have much to contribute, and you CAN feel better. Please let others help you.
13. I cut as well. And half my family wants me dead. I’m still thinking about jumping.. There’s hope for you though! I pray my gods take care of you. (I’m a Shinto, not a Christian) But I still hope for you.
I understand your pain right now I’m 14 years I’m a 9th grader, I’m 70% Suicidal, 100% Depressed, and 15% Insane. And I’ve lost 8 people and 8 animals I used to know. I know how you feel my name is Levi and (this will help) tell your mom or dad you want Xbox Live and Halo Reach my gamer tag is SpartannGeneralV I’m a clan leader as well. Don’t give up tell me about your pain (if you want to) I will let you in my clan and then we’ll go from there.
My life is somewhat like yours. I hate everything. People notice my cuts. I tell them the truth. They laugh at me. SUICIDE ISN’T A REAL PROBLEM they say. They make life unbearable.
I’m 13 and so sad I can’t sleep. And I don’t eat. I only eat when my mom says “you have to eat are u anerxic.” Then i only take like one bite. I cry every night and when I get home I go straight to my rooms to sit on my bed. I know my mom and dad will think I just want attention. I told my friends and they want to tell and I want them to tell but all I say is no I’ll be fine. But if this goes on any longer I won’t be. My aunt killed her self so I know my mom would just call me selfish. I’m soo hopeless, broken, and no one can help me, I want to get better so badly but how. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
Kayla,
I’m so sad for you that you’re hurting like this. Please do tell someone what you’re going through. Your mind is telling you the bad things that could happen if you tell, but not the good. What IF, for example, your mom’s reaction is, “Oh my gosh, my sister killed herself and I don’t want to lose my daughter to suicide, too, so I’ll do whatever I can to help her.” I’m not saying that will be her reaction – I can’t possibly know – but I’m offering it as a possibility for a way that she could react that would help you. So please do tell. A parent, a teacher, a counselor, a minister or rabbi or imam, a friend’s parents, a hotline counselor at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) or Samariteens at 800-252-8336 — any of these, or all, can help you. You do not have to go through this alone!
……um….im kinda dont want to tell, but im 12, and I’ve kinda felt, well, like a trash bag, and what makes it worse is that I have this project coming up and I haven’t started it yet. Whenever my mom starts to jump onto my case, like “why haven’t you started it” or “have you started your project”, I kinda had thoughts of, “if I was dead, I wouldn’t have to deal with this”. I would have already cut myself, or try to commit suicide, but im just afraid to hurt myself, I also don’t want attention, but I have a friend(who I call “senpai”(dont judge me) who also wanted to kill herself, but she got help from the school we go to after a presentation a man gave out about his son. So she got help, but I have another friend, when she told the school about a cyber/mental bullying problem, it then turned to physical bullying. So I don’t know what to do. But I know what I can’t do in the future if I kill myself now, that’s what keeps me going. I am also forgetful nowadays, so not everything is 100% right, but I can’t always remember everything, so this is what I can remember. I feel like I should get help while I still can before it gets worse…also I am an artistic person, with a nice, kind, sensitive heart, but to some people, a cold outierior(like a tsundere). I also tend to think most of my time at times. What should I do?
I’m 15 years old and it’s 04:30 when I write this and I want to get help for my suicidal thoughts but I have no idea how. I have ADHD and I’m on medication for that and I’m pretty sure I have depression or bipolar. I’m far from being close to my parents but I need to go to the hospital but I’m not really sure how to bring this up to them. My mom hates hospitals for some odd reason that I don’t know so I have never been to one my whole life even though I have been some accidents that when I look back at it are serious enough to go to a hospital. I get nervous and scared when I talk to my parents as they aren’t the friendliest to me and kinda make my life a living hell. They constantly say that I’m fat and useless but I know that they care about me even though I haven’t heard them say “I love you” since I was 8. I also think that they are the reason I have social issues. Anyway I have tried cutting and also to choke myself which didn’t really work well at all and I really need help because my suicidal thoughts are getting worse and worse by the day.
Nanna, I would like to try to get help for you in your area. Please email me at speakingofsuicide@gmail.com.
Im 14 and i tried to kill myself. My parents found out after a police report was made. They yelled at me and told me it was for attention…and they just havent gotten me help. They are abusive though. I once walked downstairs to find my mom trying to stab my dad. I was too scared to call 911. It just, they dont even love me or care enough to get me help. I need help
Anon, I would like to try to get you help in your area. Please email me at speakingofsuicide@gmail.com.
I am 12 years old and I cut everyday.
I have anxiety—not sure about depression, everyone says I don’t so I guess I don’t—and it controls my life. Most of the time I wake up extremely early and fall asleep super late due to pure worries about school, classmates, and ridiculous stuff such as:
Does my wobbly desk bother some people?
Do I push my chair out too far?
Should I breathe less heavily?
What if I am blinking too much?
And today, October 19th, we had music class. Normally I don’t mind music class besides the noise, but today we had to play a simple rock beat in front of the whole class. Everyone had to do it. Basically, I was shaking so much and so uncontrollably I had an extraordinarily hard time doing the beat, since I had no control. When I went back and sat down in my seat I wanted to cry. I wanted to run out of the classroom and smash my head in the lockers until I died. I wanted to go back home and cut. People around me were saying stuff that only made it worse such as:
“You look like you’re going to cry,” no really? I couldn’t tell I looked like an absolute disaster!
“You’re shaking really badly,” woah, I had no idea! Thanks for telling me because I couldn’t feel myself shaking.
That’s just one class. Now through every other subject my head is bloated with worries and anxiety. I told my mom about my anxiety and she just says, “stop worrying.” I get that she doesn’t understand what it is like to live your life in pure fear, but come on. If I could just, “stop worrying,” I wouldn’t be living my life like this, would I? “Think of something else,” she also says. If I could just so easily think of something else, it wouldn’t be a problem would it? 🙁
She took me to a doctor and I got diagnosed with anxiety. He asked if I did self-harm and I was honest and told him, “yes.” Then, I asked if he could not tell my parents which he complied. He then scheduled—well, really, my mom did—for me to see a therapist. Now, while my mom was setting it up, as it was my first time, the therapist talked about:
If I did self harm
What measure we would take
How serious it is
Now, I hate lying and I was just sitting there, encompassed by guilt because I know my mom would get angry at me or sad. She would be way too overprotective and make everything far worse. I would tell the therapist but she’d tell my mom…so…I’m kind of stuck and waiting for them to find out.
P.S. Sorry for this being rambling and jumbled, I just am too anxious about everything and can’t think clearly. I forgot to mention why I cut and it’s because it relieves all thoughts and just leaves me blank. Also, I do it because I deserve it and should die. My brother and his friends + my cousins all make fun of me so…I really do deserve to die.
hey, I’m 14 and can totally relate to this. but my mom acts like it’s nothing when i try to talk to her. once my therapist talked about me needing medication she stopped taking me. I self harm, she knows that, she also knows I’ve wanted to kill myself.
No honey. You don’t deserve to die. You have so much to live for! Find a new way to get the feelings out. Write in a journal, go for a walk, do yoga. No one ever deserves to die. You deserve to live.
I am 22 years old. My problems are……
1)educational:- i)I was failed two times in intermediate Final exam (i.e-2012,2013), passed out in 2014.
ii)l am Computer Science student. in this year I am not promoted to 3rd year.
2) physical:-i)my height is 5’5″, I don’t worry about my height. But, my body is skinny this is 50 kg.
ii)hair fall is my great problem
3)love:-till now i am single, not any girl loved me.
………….so I need to do suicide.
My name is Christian and I’m obese I weigh 220lbs and have tried losing my weight for years I’m 13 and have tried to kill my self twice I’ve been told to kms several times and have been bullied several times it seems everyday even when I try to get help from my mother she pushes it off I beg her to get me a gym membership I begged her to take me to the doctor and see if she can help turns out I have hypothyroidism and am getting help now even though everyday she tempts me with these things I still havent gone to the gym its hard being obese and suicidal because it feels like there no reason to living I’m the smartest person in the school and I’m taking college classes but feel like I’m nothing and cry myself to sleep every night my father was deported and my little sister taken away from me I’ve been beat up and abused by my mother. BOTTOM line is if you’re a parent please take your child’s words seriously as I haven’t been able to be heard
My life. Hey um… tell someone about your mom. I don’t like the way she treats you ?.
I am 14 years old and I am in 9th grade. For about two years now, I’ve had suicidal thoughts and felt sad and hopeless. I’ve tried to tell my parents multiple times, but they’ve always brushed it off and said I was just having a bad day. I can’t sleep for hours at night and get anxious for no reason. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel as if I am living outside of myself sometimes, and that I can’t control my own head. I’ve considered self-harming so many times, and I wear a elastic band on my wrist to prevent myself from doing so. I don’t think I’m at the point where I would truly commit suicide, but if I were to be in danger, I wouldn’t feel like doing anything to prevent it, if that makes any sense. If I were to die, right now, who would miss me? Who or what needed me here? I think about this constantly and I can’t come up with any good reasons for me to be here. I don’t see what my purpose is (I’m aware I’m still young and can’t do much anyway). My mom has called me “bitter, negative, and overly sarcastic”. I really do just want to die, to be gone.
I just feel empty.
You never know. You could be the person who saves the world. Imagine if Mother Teresa had left this earth too soon. You never know what impact you will have in the future. You are loved. I don’t know you but I love you. Stay strong and know you are important and you do matter.
I understand what you truly go through. I’ve been going through depression for 2 years now. I’m 14 just like you and in the 9th grade. Have you ever have that feeling that no one will ever understand the hell you been through? Because I feel like that every single day. I do.
Hi.I’m 12 in 7th grade and since the second day of school I’ve been cutting…I was bullied when I was in 1st grade until 5th grade same person…I asked my mom for help and she said to use kindness…didn’t help.I’ve tried to kill my self twice..by hanging myself… I’m fat hate my body..oh and did I mention my parents are homophobics and im…bisexual.. I know they won’t accept me so I don’t tell them I have a gf..my whole life is shit I’m always listening to music planning suicide or running away… Of course I’m never successful….I’m not as perfect as you think I am mom and dad…..
-The dead girl
Hold on if you feel like letting go.
well i can honestly say that i hate my life.
why?
i guess 70% of the problem is my mom she wants me to be this model kid. its hard when u r only in the 6th grade and stands below 60 in. tbh i try my best i do chores hang out w/ my brother whos in 7th grade
but i also alleviate the pain in myself by watching a lot of youtube and playing a lot of video games. not like first person shooters but like mobile games. either way i read a lot (i used to sit around for like twelve hours at a time and read back when i was a lot younger either way those times have fled from me) and yah. back to my mom, she thinks i watch porn behind her back. i honestly dont. she also sez i dont read enough. hello this is lik 1~2 hrs a day!!! and not kids books but like, the big stuff, like war and peace. either way today she basically killed me. wanna know how then read on. so im just enjoying my weekend, and then i decide to go check my grades online on this website called powerschool its honestly really cool and stuff. so then i look. most grades are perfect — an a in intro spanish, computer science, english hasn’t been graded yet, but a in social studies, pe and student council. i have a b+ in math but thats fine almost an a anyways. but then my science grade, used to be a- becomes a b. HOLY SHIT IS THIS POSSIBLE??? turns out i didnt turn in some shit online — FUCK I DIDNT KNOW HOW but then i do it, still a b, but fuck its the best i can do. ok so then i tell my mom bcuz she demands info on my grades like any caring mom, mom i have a b in science but…and then she yells at me and hits me. im used to shit like that she hits me a lot but not hard but this one hurts not because its strong but because of her yelling. ok shit then i run into my room and im like shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit what do i do? doesnt matter anyways. ok then im like, i cant reverse this OR my life, my life is literally on the tightrope overlooking the fire that is my mom.
ok now next 20% is like school. i told you about my grades and shit, but the way people look at me is disorienting. everybody seems to look at me funny. wul i guess its because of my weight im overweight im 94 lb here. i work out sometimes but i can never put in the exercise hours because im not like an olympian demigod which here is the norm. also im ugly and short as like a fourth grader. im not finishing this part because it feels disorienting to talk online
next 10% is the rest. 1) is my mental disorders. im not adhd or in special ed or something, im in the smart boy/girl classes, but i am diagnosed with depression, suicidal tendencies, schizophrenia, anxiety, paranoia etc. almost everything in the box i also am too concerned with my body mass. 2) is the fear that im not good enough self explanatory?
As of now I hate my life. I spend most of my time as a fat fuck who has to fuck everybody’s fucking life up. I honestly don’t give a shit about anybody’ life. My parents don’t understand me, I listen to music, maybe rap, pop, you get the idea. Then they fucking shit all over me for having fun. Not convinced of my struggles? Then take this — I start checking my email for some school work or whatever, then I get ear raped by my mom who thinks I’m watching FUCKING PORN. I don’t! Maybe I watch some shit like South Park just because I have nothing better to do! I read, do homework, go to some outside-of-school classes, and I don’t know, cut? I was so pathetic that I cut my wrists with SCISSORS. But it HURTS. Not because of the blades inching into myself, but because of what I plan to do with my life if I don’t do it. I’m in 6th grade, I want to actually have fun in life, I don’t want some sort of shit going all over me because I’m fat, and I have no friends. I don’t fit in with the jocks, the girls, the jock wannabes, or the smaller cults throughout school. I have a brother who also doesn’t understand life but he just sucks it up, 7th grade, and he’s a certified genius. Me? I’m NOT. Jesus fucking Christ, I have no specialities in life. Maybe I can rap a little but nothing to show for all my pain in life.
Please text me (do not call or else my mom will have a freaking aneurysm not really though) at +82 10-9568-1789. Having friends online would help since I don’t have friends in real life.
Hi, your article caught my eye and I’m happy to say you’ve summed up my parents well. I was in my freshman year of high school when one day I got really upset for no reason, seemed like everything was going wrong. I spent most of my high school career feeling this way still do, but a few weeks after I started feeling this I started cutting. It started out with broken pieces of plastic that only scratched the skin….it slowly got worse until it was exacto blades that left my upper arms and thighs looking like I swam through barbed wire. I told my mom of course and she got angry, why wouldn’t she, but they punished me for doing it saying my reasons were childish and immature. I spent my Junior year failing two classes and get yelled at constantly for it, that’s when the cutting got so bad I went to the counselor who then called my mom who in turn yelled at me more. It escalated until I passed out in the shower one morning from doing it so much. It brought me back to myself and I talked to my dad who went through the same thing. Now I’m 17 going on 18, a senior in high school with a part time job and a social life… But the feeling doesn’t go away no matter what I do it creeps back up and rips the color from my world. I know this seems horrible or like most people’s stories out there. I just need to know if there’s a way to get help now without involving them because… I’ve started cutting myself for no reason or for small minor things. I want help but my parents don’t believe that depression or borderline personality disorder or ADHD exists, that things like are phases you’ll grow out of or emotions you’ll get over. So if there is even a chance I can get help without them being involved I’d love to hear about it. Thank you and have a wonderful day.
I am in 6th grade and i am home schooled, I didn’t originally want to be home schooled. I wanted to have a social fun life, my mom really wanted me to be home schooled at a website called FLVS. I didnt want to but i also wanted to make my mom happy. Then when school started i started getting distracted and lonely because all of my elementary friends were public schooled and i was home schooled also to make matters worse, my BFF moved to Texas and i really miss her. I havent talked to any of my friends in 3 months and i am starting to not like my life very much. I dont want to live unhappily so i started thinking: why live at all? And then i started thinking about my parents and that what would they say? And so i thought that they would be angry and sad that i would be dead. I dont want that to happen. I dont know who to tell that i have bad depression. I feel lonely and sad and misunderstood. I dont want to tell anyone in my family because i feel like they will judge me and think i am making this up just so i can get attention. I want them to take this seriously and understand what i am going through. What do i do?
I have been very sad for about 3 years now. I tried to tell my parents, but they just told me it was an excuse for my laziness, and that I only acted sad for attention at home. No one took me seriously until my grades dropped from straight A’s to straight C’s. It felt like my parents didn’t care about how I felt as long as I was making the grade, seeing as they didn’t try to help me until I was near failing. I went to therapy weekly for about 3 months, but my mother felt cheated, as if she wasn’t good enough to talk to. I explained that I originally wanted to talk to her, but she brushed me off, and the second time sent me to some stranger. Of course, I had finally formed a bond with this amazing not-so-stranger, and felt like I really had someone to talk to. My parents then told me I was “playing the victim to avoid any responsibility.” It’s been 2 months since I stopped seeing my therapist, and I feel even worse than before. I don’t even feel like I’m living my life anymore, it’s like I’m watching someone else live while I’m trapped on the outside and feel nothing. I don’t want to eat or sleep, and I cry at the slightest hint of stress. I tried to talk to my parents again, and they said it was just my hormones, and Aunt Flo is probably just around the corner. I hate that my feelings are always minimalized because I’m a woman and “all woman are moody.” I repeatedly have stated that it feels worse, and my teachers have noticed a change in my usual playful behavior. I just wish my parents would notice and try to talk to me like my teachers do. I don;t like to talk about these feelings, because I have been made to feel stupid for feeling them on multiple occasions and often feel that they aren’t valid. I just want to know what’s wrong, so I can stop hating myself and be happy again.
In fourth grade, I didn’t know I had an assigned seat on the bus home from school so I sat with my friend, when the teacher got on she yelled and me, and told me to see her at lunch, she never told my friend to, She spent all lunch hour yelling at my face, I was crying the whole time. After, I was sent to the office and had to talk to the principal. After, my friend told me that the fourth grade teacher convinced everyone in her class that I was an evil girl, I got bullied continuously, I’m constantly battling suicidal thoughts I needed to post this today because I started self harm today after I told a teacher and they didn’t care, I’m showing my counseler tomorrow my cut
You should report this vile (female?) teacher to the authorities (police or child services). This is verbal assault, targetted harassment and bullying. You can tell the Principal of your intentions and if an amicable arrangement can be found.
If I told that to my parents, they wouldn’t have a given an F about my problems. They’d probably side with the teacher because somehow I was always to blame. Now that I am an adult and I look back at my childhood, I know I was never to blame. I can see my parents and my teachers for what they are: obnoxious little shits. So basically I was brought up by children and I had to be my own adult since the age of 9 (when my grandma died – the only person who slapped her daughter (my mum) when she was being a bad parent).
Hope you get well. Ignoring losers helped me a lot while growing up. I just focused on my education like some autistic stubborn child, which is good because I always had good grades and all on my own. Would you believe me if I told that my dad would slap me at 11pm because I was doing my homework instead of sleeping? Yes. This is the kind of shit I had to live with. I was all too happy to leave home at 18 and a half. My parents can bury themselves for all I care.
I’ve been bullied since about the second grade for different reasons verbally as well as physically. When I was 10 I started self harming, despite not realizing it was thing other people did until about a year later. My parents argue a lot and have almost gotten divorced several times, but haven’t. I feel like I have depression, but my parents probably wouldn’t take me to a hospital because they wouldn’t find it as a serious thing or think I’m making things up. I’m almost 15 now and I still self harm occaisionally and have suicidal thoughts, and I’m not sure what to do about it. In middle school I had a great teacher and I guess he could tell something was wrong, I told him I was fine even though he probably didn’t believe me. I didn’t say anything because I knew the school would have to tell my parents. I somewhat regret this now. And I feel like I should go and talk to him about it because I have no courage to tell my parents or anyone else and they could do it for me. But I feel like it would be weird to do that, given that was in middle school but he’s the only person I feel I could trust with it. Recently school has started and it makes me feel horrible about myself and I don’t have any motivation to do anything. I’m not sure what to do or who to tell. It’s been years and I feel similar about all of this and it’s not going to change unless I die or get help and I don’t think my parents are going to do anything.
When I was about to turn 8 my mom and my sister told me what I wanted for my birthday, I told them I wanted a puppy as my best friend and it would always be there for me. The next day was my birthday I just got picked up by my mom and sister, I thought we where going home until my sister told me we where going to go buy something in the car. I got out my homework as we where driving to that curtain area, I started coloring pages until I tooked a(n) hour nap and we finally arrived. My mom and sister told me to go out the car with them and when they knocked on the door I saw a lady telling us to come in. At first I didn’t know what was happening, until I saw puppies and I got so excited! My mom told me which one do I want, and I said”All of them! ” My sister laughed and said only one. I started looking for my best friend and I finally found him. He was a French poodle named Popeye, a dog named from my favorite Spanish tv show. My mom told me to go with my sister outside while we wait for Popeye to get certain shots so he could be healthy. When all that was done we putted him in the car, and I just was so excited I started petting him. My mom stopped at PetCo to get dog food. We arrived home and I showed him every room in the house. The next day, Saturday, my dad was home and I woke up early to show him my best friend. At first I didn’t show him right away until I told him. He said”show me the dog” so I went to get the dog from my room and handed him my friend. He pinched him and I said”WHY ARE U PINCHING MY FRIEND!” he said he has to check something to see if the dog is ok, so i calmed down. A few amazing weeks went by with my best friend, I just got home from school and checked at the backyard. I couldn’t see him through the window, so i asked my mom”Where’s Popeye?” She replied”He’s probably laying down somewhere.” I replied back to my mom”Oh Ok can i have Mac n Cheese?” She replied”It’s nearly done.” The day passed and got home from school and asked the same thing and got the same answer. On Saturday I heard my sister fighting with my mom”What if we’re never going to find Popeye?” “We will find him.” “What about Angie huh? We cant always tell her that Popeye is always outside, she likes the dog sleeping in her room mom!” “Your dad is trying his best to look for him.” “If we don’t find him what do we tell Angie?” I stepped in the room crying “What do you mean by not finding him?” I ranned in my room placing my pillow on my face while my sister comforted me. The next morning, I was outside with my dad playing with chalk and drawing on the side walk. I saw my best friend, and I was so happy I didn’t even told my dad I just ranned across the road to hug him. I saw scratches on him from other dogs and carried him to my dad. He told me to get a opened box and put it in the truck so we could take him to the Dog Doctor, another word of vet for me. As we arrived the doctor checked on Popeye and talked to my dad about his condition. My dad told me “Honey, Popeye is going to stay here for a few days, but we could always visit him when ever you want to.” I said “ok :(” knowing that he wouldn’t come home. We always went and visited Popeye every now and then when i get out of school. One day, my sister picked me up early and tooked me home. She said if i wanted anything to tell me crying. I said “I want Popeye to come home! :)” When she was about to say something my parents got home crying. I asked them “Whats wrong?” I didnt get an answer but they where hugging me while they where crying. I started to cry cause if I see someone crying I cry. Until my dad finally told me “Honey You know that when someone dies and that is important to you, they never leave right? ” I replied”Yeah dad” “He will always be with you taking care of you when you sleep.” Replied my dad. I started crying and said”Why did my best friend die? ;(” My mom told me that he ate things that he wasn’t supposed to eat and cause of that, he got bugs in it and tooked over his heart. “I want him to come back Mom! Tell God to bring him back to me mommy! ” She told me “God has powers but he can’t bring back the dead. ” I started crying and crying. Everyday I always prayed to God to bring him back to me. On my birthday I always wished for him to come back until I lost hope. I’ve had depression since his death I never thought of him as a pet I always thought of him and my Best Friend and a son.
-R. I. P. A Best Friend To A Caring Little Girl, Popeye. A Little Girls Best Friend And Only Friend That Really Cared <3 2012-2012
A true story about Best Friends
I’m just 12, and I’ve been telling myself that if I die, I would not change anything in the world I would only make my loved ones suffer. Many people and friends tell you if your okay people that actually care know that your not, and they try to make you laugh, happy, and not even think about suicidal thoughts. When I tell my parents, not now but soon, that if they love me will they change if I would die. Many people don’t like telling their parents cause they are scared of how they would react, just ignore them, or not even understand if they are serious. Don’t be afraid to tell someone if they really love you, they will listen.
Sometimes my suicidal thoughts disappear after a meal or after watching a funny Youtuber doing his skits on Youtube. I don’t know why the thoughts come back every so often… and how fat I will become just to push these thoughts away.
Somebody advised me to take up physical exercise (doing enough until I am all sweaty). They told me that after the pain of the exercise, my body would release a natural drug (endrophines?) which will make me happy, and then the thoughts will never come back. Their philosophy is that unhealthy peeps have these thoughts (unhealthy as in people who don’t exercise. You can be slim and suicidal.). I think I will give PE a go.
I don’t feel like I would change anything either.
I have been feeling really depressed lately and it just keeps getting worse. Also, I have been feeling suicidal! Currently I am in a boarding school, which I hate. I want to come home! My parents have shared custody; which is why I am still at this school. I told both of them that I feel suicidal and depressed and what not… But my dad just said to stay strong! I then told him, again, that I wanted to kill myself! Then he said that if people would hear what I was saying that I could be taken away from my parents and sent to an “insane house”! I CANNOT wait any longer!! Again, my suicidal thoughts and depression are getting worse! I don’t know what to do!
I told my parents I am suicidal. They won’t get me professional help. I probably do need it though. I have been feeling worse since I told them.
5 people natural dead in 8 years, all I want to hear is Avril Lavigne – When your gone. Somebody please tear my walls down.
I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety when I was 14, my mother believes I’m bipolar but doesn’t want me to take more medication than I have to. I hate that every single time I take my meds I just want to swallow the whole bottle. I havent had the best childhood, but it definitely wasn’t the worst. My biological father left when I was 3 months old, so obviously I never met him. He ran off to Montana with some girl but sent me letters. He told me how he loved and missed me but in the letters he sent to my mom he said how if my mother didn’t hand me over to him he would find us and kill both of us. I was only 3 or 4 when he was sending the letters so obviously I never knew he was saying that to my mom. In one letter he sent a picture of a baby that was supposedly my sister. In the last letter he said he was moving but never gave an address to mail anything to, so we stopped writing to each other. Years later I found out it was because he went to prison for trying to kill someone. But after that my five year old self just accepted the fact that I didn’t have a dad. I spent most of my time with my grandma because my mom worked during the day but partyed at night. She brought a new guy home every few nights. I got used to the sounds of them having sex in the other side of the wall, which I didn’t understand then. But then one guy started coming around often, and all the other guys stopped coming around. That was when I was seven. He lived about an hour away and he was a total deadbeat. No job. No license. 4 kids. Didn’t have any of them. Lived with his mom. And an alcoholic. And my mother was pregnant with his kid. So my mom being the stubborn person she is got him to straiten up his life. He got his license, a job, he stopped drinking, and within a few months with the help of my mom, a house for all of us to live in. After that my “step dad” decided to fight for his 4 kids, which he lost for slapping his wife whole while she was holding their youngest baby and going to jail. Well those kids mother was now a druggie and abusive. Him knowing that decided the kids were gonna “visit” but when their mother came to pick them up he locked all the doors. Around this time is when my youngest brother was born. When I was 8. My mom being busy with the baby paid no attention to the fact that his four children were bullying me about not having a father. I called my step dad, dad, because I thought the idea of having a dad that I could see was the most amazing thing to me. They told me that I couldn’t call him dad, he wasn’t my dad, and treated me like the outcast I was. Me being 8 didn’t take it so well. But it stopped after a few months. That’s was when my step dad started drinking again but it wasn’t too bad. For a little bit everything was good. Then when I was 11 my step dad oldest kid, a boy a year older than me came into my room that night. He molested me for 2 years every night. I was too scared to say anything to anyone because I thought it was my fault, that it wasn’t a big deal, or that my parents wouldn’t believe me. I told one person and that was the 3rd oldest who was a girl. I told her what happened, she’s 2 years younger than me. At one point I stopped sleeping unless I was sleeping with another person by my side that I felt comfortable with. I felt like an object, not a person. In middle school I didn’t care much about my first kiss like most girls. He already took it from me. I felt like every single boy wanted me for the same reason. My body. I had (and still do have ) decent sized breasts, a flat stomach, and long legs. Whenever boys asked me to be their girlfriend I said yes. Whenever they leaned in to kiss me I let them. And whenever they wanted to do anything else I didn’t care. Once I was in 8th grade (about 14) I started to realized i was worth more than I thought i was. I started to respect myself more and actually found a decent guy that didn’t just want me for my body (who I’m currently still dating) . Then was the time my sister decided to tell the school about how I was molested. So i talked to the police and told them what happened. But not all of it. So not much happened except the officers told my parents. Then my dads drinking got worse. When my mother wasn’t home he told me it was my fault, and that I was a slut. I was devastated because I never thought he would ever say something like that to me. My mom never believed me. Then one day when my mom was actually home he decided to flip out on me. I remember having an attitude (like any other 14 year old) and got him angry. He told me he wasn’t afraid to beat me. That he had gone to jail once for hitting a girl and he wasn’t afraid to go again. He told me to pack my bags and leave. So i packed my bags and started to walk out the door and that’s when my mother grabbed my arm and told me to get back in my room and just say okay to whatever he says. I realized my mom let it all happen. She didn’t care about the threats he made to me and it hurt. I thought she would have stopped him. I was so upset that I didn’t even care about leaving so I walked back in my room and just laid there. He came back about an hour later and apologized like it wasn’t a big deal. Then I found out my grandma had passed away. I haven’t said much about her in this comment but she was amazing. She was my best friend. I love her more than I love anyone. I took her death really hard. Then I started high school. And I took a lot of music classes. Music was something I could connect to. My music teacher is amazing. He knew just by the way I acted, that something was wrong. He pulled me aside and talked to me. He asked me questions and could tell what the answer was before I said it all because of my body language. I told him my parents were fighting because of something with my brother. I told him the cops were taking care of it. He sent me to a counselor. I told my counselor I didn’t tell the full truth when I told the police about my molestation. He then called DHS (department of human services) and I talked to a social worker. I told her the rest of what happened with my brother. That was about a few months ago from today. He is facing federal charges for what he did to me. My step father’s drinking hasn’t stopped. I get told by him that I’ll be pregnant soon. I know I won’t though, I’m almost 16 and I know I’m better than that. But the thing is I don’t want to live. I know my life isn’t wonderful but it isn’t the worst and I have no right to be depressed. People have it worse than me. My problems are nothing compared to others. But I’m still depressed. And I still want to die. I don’t want to tell my parents because I feel like they will tell me I’m over reacting. I just don’t understand why I’m depressed and want to end my life when I know that others have it worse. I just don’t get how I can be so selfish. My problems have no significance compared to others’ problems. I commented not to ask for help. But to ask for advice on what to do to help myself, but more just to vent and know that someone in the world knows what i’m going through. If read all of that thanks for “listening” to my issues.
Brandi,
I feel tremendous sadness for you and all that you have been through. Your comment describes many painful losses and traumas, far more than many people have to endure. And yet you tell yourself that others have it worse, so therefore you should not be depressed. I understand, there are always people who have it worse, even far worse, but does that take one’s pain away? If someone shoots me in the stomach, I’m going to be in terrible pain even though the person next to me might have been shot in the head and hurt even worse. This is my long-winded way of saying I hope that you will be compassionate with yourself, hold yourself gently, and not berate yourself for your sadness and suicidal thoughts. I hope instead you will give yourself the same grace you would give to someone you love who has been hurt, abused, and abandoned. And please share what you wrote here with your counselor. You need not be alone with your thoughts and feelings.
Thank you for sharing your story, Brandi. I wish for you much hope, healing, and self-compassion.
I am 15 and I really think that suicide is my solution. My parents do not understand my problems and whenever I tried to tell the girl I love, she tells the school office. This is the second time she did this and they told me that the next time i end up in the office, they will transfer me to special education. This actually encourages me to commit suicide and the worst part is nobody bothers to ask. My school tells me that they are following the rules. Even though I am getting counselors at my school to help me, they do not solve my problem.
The reason why I want to commit suicide is because of my love to the girl i tell and how she rejects me, and because of the pressure in my society since all students are A+ students. But still, nobody listens to me. I’ve been hurting myself by making cuts and even with that, nobody cares.Most of the time, I see myself as the suicidal devil in my terms that means person who wants to commit suicide.
I really wish someone can help me but I do not think anyone wants to help me. I hope I can live longer.
You have the choice to live longer…i may not be a professional or whatever but I’ve gone and been going through same thing. We are a lot more similar than you think even for a stranger but for anyone who’s read your comment is a bond we all share…ill help you even when no one else does. I don’t have many friends online or even in real life but just email me when you need a friend….ill listen I promise…believe me sometimes I would just like someone to listen to what I have to say but apparently that will never happen but I’ll listen to you if you’re going through anything you would to talk about but not as a stranger instead of prefer being called a friend…whether you respond or get mad or anything actually…dont worry I’ll understand. Please keep moving forward no matter how hard the past was?
This article is breaking my heart into a million pieces. It may be true for some parents as described in other comments here, but in many cases people with suicidal mind do not share (maybe they implied) their thoughts with their family. So did I when I went through my own depression many years ago. And I lost my only son, 16, to suicide this year. To me, it was completely out of the blue. Like I did, he never shared anything with me. Didn’t he trust me? Didn’t he love me? Didn’t I love him enough? Was he bullied or abused? Was he struggling with his school work? No, no, no, and no. This is a living hell. Now I’m seriously suicidal. I don’t know how to survive without my son. But I can’t take my own life practically because I have another child on the earth. Reading other kids’ comments here is so painful to me. Please talk to your parents or teachers, or someone else. There must be someone who is willing to listen to you. You should ask for help seriously before assuming others’ responses. Do not give them just a few words or imply on your suicidal mind. If they do not take your words seriously, keep talking to them more strongly and openly. People who do not have a suicidal mind or clinical depression do not understand what it is like. As much as parents or other adults need to be educated for this issue, you should also step forward. Please do. I’m just trying to live a day waiting the moment when my time comes and meet my son again.
Why is this happening to me? I should’ve never trusted my parents in the first place.
Ssaaammeee
Or one parent is overprotective while the other hands you the weapon. Crappy either way.
When i was a teenager, i was severely depressed, and at the time, everytime i would try to talk to my mom about anything she rolled her eyes and talked in an urgent bummed out tone, so i told her something else, instead of what i was going to say (that i was depressed). A few times i tried to talk to her while she was playing on her phone she would roll her eyes and speak in that same bummed out tone ” WHAT? Do you have something to say to me? If not then leave me alone!” And i was devastated i couldnt get support or help from anyone, my dad was working 2nd shift and still slept through the day, ( it still wouldve done me no good because he always takes my moms side and when i asked him why he shushes me without a reply), my brother, who always tried to seem cool and jock-like by saying stuff like ” SO WHAT? who cares.”,then i tried my grandma and she also took my moms side and made it seem like it was my fault, my papaw would say i was girly and to get over myself. But one day,my great grandmother sat down and i listened to her problems and she listened to mine, she was the only one who cared and told my mom, because she was one of the few people that my mother will listen to, and after my great grandmother helped me get help, i could finally live my life. So if you are reading this then dont act like my family, act like my great grandmother, because if it wasnt for her i would have committed suicide days later. I hope this helped, halfway through i was having second thoughts about posting this.
I feel so alone… I have been depressed and suicidal for the past 5 months. I have done self harm, mostly scratches and bruises. I finally told my parents, but they told me I was being incredibly selfish. They also said that I had no reason to be depressed, because there are people who have it a lot worse than I do. I have been very close to attempting suicide, but each time listening to Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance would pull me out of it. They were the only thing that could make me stop. My parents started taking me to a therapist, but it didn’t really help. My parents would still yell at me, and they forbid me from listening to my favorite bands. I had been getting a lot better, thanks to My Chemical Romance, but now I didn’t even have that. The past couple weeks, I’ve been slowly sinking back into depression. It’s getting to be just as bad as if was before, and I don’t know who to turn to. I’m a Christian, and my parents are always telling me that you go to hell if you commit suicide, but I just feel so lost. I don’t want to go to hell, but I can’t take it anymore. Everyday, I act like everything’s okay, even when talking to the therapist. The only people who understood me were those bands, and now they’re gone. I just don’t know what to do.
I can totally relate.
im not a teenager but i know im suicidal (in thoughts). i got academic dismissal status from my previous program (electrical engineering) and now im forced to shift to a non-board exam engineering program which is the cause of my depression. i cant tell my parents even my siblings and closest friends because i dont want them to know i failed. i cant accept it either. i know its because of my pride because everyone i know seems to be doing well in life. my friends start graduating having jobs etc. i used to be happy before all of this and i used to be the one comforting my friends who tell me their problems. but now i can really relate to what theyre feeling. sometimes i just wanna really end my life as a way of escaping this problem. but i fear that ill only hurt my family/friends’ feelings which makes it even worse. makes my self-anger/depression worse. i know my parents will understand me but its more of the thought that i failed and i wont be able to take board exams and i wont be able to graduate in the program i originally took (electrical engineering) and i wont be able to proudly say that i graduated to a degree i dont like which makes me think of killing myself. i dont know what to do. i cant sleep at nights. i kept on thinking the wrong choices i made in my whole life and thinking of what ifs and what i should have done. i know this problem may not be that big to others but i dont know its just difficult for me i really cant just tell them. i hate myself but at the same time i really wanna help myself.
I live in South Korea. I’m only 11, out of fifth grade which is way too young, but I’m suicidal. Nothing like cutting or physical pain, but only thoughts. My friend is also suicidal, but we try to help each other. But it doesn’t work. Everyday, we sink further into the mire. I talked to my mom. She isn’t that good with English, but she said something about religion and how it was a sin explicitly forbidden by God, since I’m a Christian, I don’t want to go to hell. That helped for three days. Now I’m in depression. I just don’t like my particular life and I wish it were different. Not that it’s going to be. Either way I don’t have the courage to talk to my mom face-to-face and say, “Mom, I want to kill myself. Can I take therapy?” but I’m not that brave. So I just said, “I’m suffering from a disease called ‘being alive’. Help?” No help whatsoever. If I tell my dad then he will 1) not understand or 2) yell at me. I just don’t have the strength to talk to them.
People say I have a lot to live for. I can’t talk to the school counselor since it is summertime, but I talked to friends. They say that I’m smart, funny, that there’s a hell lot to live for. But it’s not like that, I feel like there’s a lot that I shouldn’t live for. Crushing workloads, bullying for not being particularly athletic compared to 99% of kids in my grade—I feel like the stormtrooper in the sad stormtrooper meme.
What should I do? And for my friend, what should he do as well? Is there any way that we can help each other? Thank you for your time.
Wait I mean that I wish it weren’t difficult. Sorry ’bout that.
I live in Canada but i was born in Korea, so i know what you have to deal with.. i know everything may seem hard and suicide looks like an easy ticket out, but trust me when i say that everything will get easier.. I wanted to kill myself too but I was always scared and I also thought about the people I’ll be leaving behind.. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Think of the people that would be affected by this. Life sucks, Ill be honest but it gets better, thats how it is. There’s ups and downs here and there but it’ll get better trust me. I’ve managed to hold on and I’m not doing too bad for myself, so i know you can do it too
Hi Robin. I live in NYC, coming from Korea. I lost my 16-year-old son, who was a brilliant and kind soul, 7 months ago. Please do not harm yourself. Do not assume your parents’ reaction. There must be some people, including your parents, who are willing to listen to you and help you when you share your thoughts with them. In many cases, we think too much by ourselves without sharing something with others. You are not alone. I desperately want to get my son back. He didn’t say anything about what he was going through. He was not bullied or abused as far as I know. The police didn’t find any circumstantial evidences to stimulate his suicidal mind. If you don’t share, if you don’t ask for help, no one, even your parents, knows exactly what is going on. Losing my beloved son is terrible beyond your imagination. This is a living hell. I terribly sorry to my son I completely missed chances to help him out. Please ask for help to your parents or someone else. I’m leaving my email address here. Please contact me if you feel okay with it.
I’m 15 turning 16 in two months but I am not sure if I am going to make it. I started self harming (bruising and burning and just small scratches) when I was 8. At 12 I started cutting, cutting deep. I didn’t have the brightest childhood. I was mollested for 7 months when I was 6 and raped when I was 10. And those were not the only two times but I never say more than that. Anyway I have been labeled with so many ‘disorders’. Bipolar, borderline personality disorder, chronic depression, social anxiety, OCD, panic disorder, and I can’t even remember it all!!! This was when I was 12 at Denmar Mental Hospital. I don’t have any friends of my age. The first time I opened up was when I was 12 and told a trusted adult. She seemed supportive then stabbed me in the back. This happened over and over again 6 times. In between a lot of stuff happened which I am not going into (like suicide attempts more than I can count) Anyway but At the end of 2014 I went and lived with a family on a farm. They were like my parents I loved them so much. They have three kids and they became like a real brother and sisters. They are all much younger than me. I was forced to stop cutting, and I wore a mask the first few months. But then I actually became happy, for only a short while. The mom told me she would go to the moon and back for me and that I am like one of her children to her, and I believed her. I actually loved her more than my own mother at one stage, something I regret deeply. Well my past began haunting me again and I became depressed, depressed like I have never been to that point, I just couldn’t hide it. They were pushing me to get better because of the kids but I just couldn’t. In the meantime she did stuff that really hurt me. Like she told the 9 year old my WHOLE past (well that what she knew) and told other people as well. She also started pushing me away. I decided that if I cannot live with my past I will die with my past. So I took 800 water pills (if taken in overdose your heart stops) She found out and three days later send me back to my parents. I can’t write where they fit into the picture because this is already too long. That was a massive setback for me. My past is haunting me like never before and I hurt myself like never before. Last night I sent again a trusted adult a poem I wrote and she basically “slapped me in the face” with her words. In the last few days I attempted more than 3 times suicide, but every time I fail. EVERY TIME!!! NO one cares!!! Why does the world keep you in its hold when you want to go??? Its not even like I am afraid to go!!! I am so tired of being haunted by my past, so tired of looking like the happiest girl on earth!!! I can’t talk to ANYONE!!! Everytime I do they say I am looking for attention!! Reallly??? Would someone risk to die, or have permanent brain damage or whatever side effect for attention??? Would someone have huge scars for the rest of their life for attention??? If I wanted attention I wouldn’t make my facebook page like there is no one happier than me!! I won’t smile and pretend that everything is awesome!!!! I am already dead inside!!! BUT NO ONE BELIEVES ME!!! And I don’t have a stupid reason for doing the things I do or that I want to die!!! NO!!! I have a (sorry for the word) F*CKING good reason!!! THe things I had to go through when I was a child!! LIfe being so mean to me since I was just a innocent girl!!! Its not like Oh you were mean to me now I want to die whe weh whe!!! NOO!!!! I am broken!!! I bleed inside!!! I just want to be free!!! I just want someone to accept me!!! Oh and my family’s latest thing is they say I am lesbian because I don’t date guys! I don’t trust guys, cheese with my experience isn’t that what you expect??? But I AM NOT LESBIAN!!! I just hate the rude comments that make a broken person break completely!!! I can’t do this anymore!!! What do I dooooooo???????????????????
I hope God sends you my way. My number is (269) 203-5610. I want to help you.
OMG BLESS YOU! ???? I JUST PRAYED DEEPLY FOR YOU! I am 12 years old and even I know you do NOT deserve this!
Nobody…,
Although you have gone through sexual abuse, it’s not the end of your life. I pray to God.
It’s hard being raped and molested, so I understand where you’re coming from (did not happen to me, but still). Your life is going to get better.
You spoke that an adult you trusted “slapped you in the face”. So just because s/he turned their back on you, doesn’t mean that nobody trusts you. We’re here for you.
Also, you are not lesbian! Why would anybody say that? Just because you don’t go out with guys doesn’t mean that you are lesbian! Actually, I guess I have some advice — speak to guys. Or girls. Or whoever.
I will pray for you. God bless you.
I am a father of a daughter who has problems of her own and I tell her no matter what it is bothering her I have the time to listen. I don’t know you but I have something to say that might help you. I am a male survivor of the same abuse. And tried to end it but it didn’t work that’s after I told an adult who didn’t believe me. And told my parents who didn’t believe me I was able to get counseling for it and it helped me. Can I say that you are beautiful without scaring you? If these feelings continue please get help call a teen crisis line they won’t judge you and can offer you help. Good luck and God bless you.
But the people who say you are lesbian, they are completely wrong, I dont trust guys either, cuz most of them at my school, they act completely retarded, in my words. But a person who doesnt date guys isnt lesbian, it could mean your an asexual(which I kinda am) a person who doesn’t have sexual feelings twards others, or flat out, you dont date, but your family need to learn about gender identities, and the LGBT community, and they need to respect gender identities.
Apple,
I agree with you wholeheartedly, and I also want to point out that being a lesbian is just fine, too, for those who are!
I can relate.
Since the end of 6th grade ( I’m in 9th), I have been really depressed and just sad all the time. I started cutting in the middle of 7th grade and somebody at my school told the counselor and the nurse, so my mom found out, and she thought I was doing it for attention. I told her how I was feeling and how sad I was and she brushed it off as me “being a 13 year old” and forgot about it. I stopped cutting for a while until the summer of 7th grade. I started doing it really bad. All up and down my legs and my arm. I even cut my boobs and my shoulders. My friend saw them one night while I was staying at her house, and we talked about it and she thinks that I’ve stopped cutting, which in reality I’ve been cutting for a straight year now. Now, I have cut down a lot. Still cutting everyday, but only up to ten cuts compared to about 20-30 everyday. My other friend found out and she wants me to talk to her parents about it, but I’m hesitant to because I’m afraid they’ll tell my parents. I want help, but my parents, especially my mom, wouldn’t believe me. What do I do? Please help.
I hope God sends you my way. My number is (269) 203-5610. I will help.
Hey you are beautiful no need to cut your self try a chat site like teen surport group I am there you will get better write how you feel in your diary take a seat with your mom and dad talk to them about your pain they want the best for you if you want to talk about it my teen surport group is kidbeast
You don’t need to keep it a secret. Everybody feels disheartened at one point or another, suicide is just trying to end misery. Your parents are there to help, if you give them time. If they don’t, then see somebody you trust. If you don’t trust anybody, then we’re here for you.
I’m 11. I want to kill myself. But I’m afraid. I just can’t do it.
Hi. I understand how you’re feeling, but you’re 11. You have your whole beautiful life ahead of you sweetie. You need to talk to somebody about how you feel. Your school counselor should be easy to talk to. I know that my counselor and I grew a relationship talking about my suicidal thoughts. I know how you are feeling, but you are young and beautiful!!
You should be afraid, because suicide is no joke. It’s a real thing that people do every day. You are still so young that I don’t think you understand that suicide means you will never be able to hug your mom or dad or any of your family ever again. You won’t be able to kiss them goodnight. If you do commit suicide, your friends and family will hurt worse than you. When I was attempting suicide, I had a reminder that my family and friends would hurt worse that I do, and I didn’t want that.
Please doll, don’t do it. Stay here until it is your time. You have so many people that love you and care about you. Stay.
I’m in the same exact position.
I started cutting around 5 months ago and all this depression is coming so fast. I’m only 12 and have had several suicidal thoughs. I have been in your shoes with a lot of different problems. I just want you to know that some people may not understand or know what’s going on, but just know that it’s not good. It may help the pain but the pain of knowing that several people who knew you will have to live with out you for the rest of your life and your parents would probably cry themselves to sleep every night so just know, no matter the pain think to yourself, is it really worth it.
everyone says that cutters are just looking for attention, and in my case maybe it was true. it didnt start out that way, but at this point its like i have a little game with myself to see how much i can do without anyone noticing. i never cut deep enough for me to really bleed, just enough to sting and apparently leave scars. but when i first started, i tried desperately to hide it. then at one point i forgot and rolled my sleeves up, and realized that no one noticed or cared. ive been making cuts all up and down my left arm for almost a year now, and no one’s even commented on it. i still have scars from some of the things ive done to myself, but apparently it doesnt matter if “cutters are just looking for attention”, because no one does anything about it anyway. although i must admit to doing things other than cutting, like punching and hitting myself just so that i wont lash out at others. the only thing anyone has ever questioned is why i have bruises on my face, but i hardly begin to say anything before they just change the topic like they hadnt said anything in the first place. i dont even have to come up with stories anymore about how i “tripped on the coffee table” or “got hit by a cabinet”. no one cares. although i think i might prefer it this way, with no one trying to stop me, and it made things easier to do when i realized that truly no one cares
I care and I don’t even know you. If you’re still out there please contact me: (269) 203-5610.
I am a teen with thoughts of suicide and for me the main reasons are (listed in order of most to least)
1. My dad is 62% of the reason (I’ve been thinking about this for a long time
2. Once I almost did suicide in from of my mom and all she said was how it would affect other people and gave me the only true hug I have had in my life (other than with blankets). I didn’t have the heart to say anything other than promising not to do suicide
3. No one ever understands. I’ve told people and they never talked to me again. I’ve only had a few true friends, one of which moved away in 4th grade, the other just moved last week. I never told him before because he was kind of a true friend, but kind of not. He and I have been through a lot together, and he’s the only one who truly understands me. I met him in preschool and we have been friends ever since. I have a lot of people that I hang out with, but I can never be myself with them.
For about two years, whenever I’d say to my mum I’m angry depressed etc, she used to throw me around my bedroom and calls me a disgrace etc. Now I’m 17 and I still don’t get attention for it, it’s just like it will go away. But it’s ironic because my little sister is in therapy / counselling for it which I didn’t get. P*sses me off
The same thing happened to me, when my brother would get in an argument, he got therapy, when eventually told my parents i was suicidal, i got brushed off by almost everyone
Number 6 is the reason why I don’t wanna tell my parents about my depression and other mental illnesses, they just think it’s puberty and mood swings plus attracting attention.
I’m 14 and have had depression since I was 9 and have been self harming most days since I was 12 as if made me feel slightly better. I first told my mum about the thoughts I was having last year and she completely ignored it, even after I was officially diagnosed with major depressive disorder and social anxiety. I have had periods where I have felt extremely suicidal and have gotten very close to actually killing myself but it’s never been as bad as it has over the past few days. As I have social anxiety I find it very difficult to go to school and haven’t been for a full week in about a year and a half though I do have fairly regular meetings with a school councillor. Mum works until 7 each day and my brother goes to school (my dad isn’t in the picture) so I’m alone every day which makes it a lot worse. My brother has severe anger issues and my mum yells at me everyday for not going to school and even more so when I try to tell her that I still feel depressed. I’m terrified of telling her that I’m suicidal but especially after how I’ve been feeling this week, I’m really worried that I’ll do something I’m going to regret and I don’t want to hurt my family. I feel like I desperately need to tell someone and I recognise that I might need to spend time in a hospital or mental health facility until I become more mentally stable but my mum completely ignores the presence of my depression and I don’t know where to go for the real help that I feel like I need immediately. I just don’t know what to do..
Number 8 is why I refuse to say anything about my extreme stress, anxiety, and depression to my parents. They have no idea that I have any of these. If I even try to tell my mom that I’m stressing out about something, she yells at me and tells me I have nothing to stress about. REALLY?! I have everything to stress about and so much pressure on me about everything and people rarely understand this. I feel like I am getting worse everyday, but I can’t say anything because my parents have told my siblings and I that they would honestly not be our parents anymore if we tried to say we have depression or try to commit suicide. They say it is not real and just a cry for attention. They also say if we want attention so badly they will give us negative attention. Sometimes I hurt so badly that I can’t take it anymore, but I can’t do or say anything about it because of my parents, making it worse.
I’ve been feeling depressed since the middle or end of fifth grade. I’m 15 going onto 16 at the end of the year. My mom would most likely react by saying that I’m crazy and that I’d be stupid to do such a thing. My doctor suggested counselling but she doesn’t think it’s serious. She’s really controlling and gives me secondhand stress. There are some nights where I can’t sleep at all. My dad would most likely react by divorcing my mom and … I don’t know what else because he has to work all the time. With my older brother away from the family now, my parents who immigrated to America (legally) rely on me for almost everything, but it’s more of a order coming from them rather than just asking me “please”. There are nights when I cry everything out and think “If I died I could make them see what they took for granted” and stuff like that. I don’t want to tell someone I’m suicidal because I don’t know if I really am, and I don’t want any adult to try to “help”.
You know what my mother did just today after we had an argument. I screamed to her that she made me want to commiti suicide many time in life and maybe i should do it again so she can be finally free from me. She didnt even look at me, she kept watching TV and eating dinner, i shut the door to my room and started crying and heared her open a can of beer. Than she watched the tv for some time more and went to sleep. She didnt bother to even knock on my door.
I live in southern U.S. and my family is really conservative. i’m afraid that if I come out to them as suicidal and depressed my dad will get really angry and take it out on me and my sister. he doesn’t believe in getting treatment for mental illness or that depression even exists. I’ve been feeling like this since I was 11, I’m 15 now, and it’s been really hard to stay alive. I went to my councilor in middle school to get help and the only thing she did was call my dad, which he ignored and hasn’t said anything about. recently it’s been getting harder and harder to keep myself from doing something really bad. I don’t know what to do anymore. i’m really scared that one day really soon I’ll decide that enough is enough and actually kill myself, I’ve gotten really close to committing suicide before and I don’t know if I can stop my self again. I don’t want to be anymore of a burden than I already am. What do I do?
I know that it can feel like you are alone and you can never open up to anyone but there is always someone out there willing to listen and help, as hard as it is you are so brave for staying alive everyday and know that your parents and sister really loves you. My sister right now is currently struggling with depression aswell, our parents aren’t supportive of getting her help but I think she will be strong and we can help each other get through this. You won’t always feel this way even though it is probably feeling like everything is shit right now. Good luck with everything, hopefully you can find a councillor or other help from someone and one day you will look back on this and be grateful you made it through.:)
You are missing an obvious reason: Some parents are abusive and therefore are the CAUSE of their child’s downward spiral.
My life in a sentence. FINALLY, SOMEONE ACTUALLY F***ING UNDERSTANDS!!!
hi i have a problem i have no idea why i get so depressed but i do. i have cut myself in the passed because i only thought of that and i have been dealing with depression for over 3-4 years and i feel like in the world im all alone and have noone to talk to because my parents wont listen they will just brush it off or believe it is something they did but it is nothing like that. i feel like i have nothing to stand for anymore and that i have noone to stand by my side and tell me its ok to feel like this and try to actually get me help. the cuts were all on my stomach because noone would be able to see them there but i realize that i dont know why people think a shrink will help because it doesnt it anything it makes the dreams and the thoughts cross my mind more because all a shrink is is a person who sits there and judges you and trys to understand u. i need help with the dreams and the thoughts please.
I feel like my mother is cheating on my dad because she was texting this guy and it was normal. I thought oh it’s probably a friend. But yesterday I found out that she was saying oh no I do love u so much. And he would respond when can I see u. And other gross and nasty stuff. I cried myself to sleep and I just don’t know what to do. I want to tell my dad but he is going through depression and I don’t want to hurt him he is thinking of committing suicide. So what can I do. I feel anger thinking that my mom was a nice person who would never cheat on my father but I find out the she probably is I just feel so much hate and sadness what can I do plz give me some advice
I’ve been going through so much. I have these thoughts and theyve been leading me to unwanted images and urges. I never harmed myself badly, just twice on the arm but I made it sure it wasn’t visible to anyone. It started the beginning of seventh grade when I started having these episodes in classes where I couldn’t breath and I had to squeeze the table to keep from screaming and crying. Lately, now in the ending of eigth grade I’ve had thoughts so badly I bite my tongue to the point of blood to keep from grabbing a knife and hurting myself or others. I’m really trying hard to keep this to myself. Ive been feeling depressed and I hope my mother notice. I just don’t have the strength to tell her. My mom works a lot and I feel like I dont trust her enough to tell her. I’m afraid to tell my best friend because I dont want her to leave me. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt myself or someone else. I need advice how to tell my mom or if i even should. My mom might just say it’s just for attention because she’s like that but I really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. Holding in my thoughts/urges and feelings in is hurting me. I know for certain if it weren’t for my friend, knowing that my death would effect her, I’d kill myself. I just want to push her away so I can finally do it. My mom.and sister and I don’t get along. Over the few months I’ve lost love for them but I just don’t want to cause pain to my friend if I kill myself.
I need help, give me advice how to tell my mom about my thoughts before I break.
Thank you
I feel saddened and concerned reading this. I have a daughter who I just discovered has thoughts of harming herself or others. Perhaps you have anxiety as well as depression. What you describe sounds like a panic attack. You need to reach out for help. Call a crisis line a teens hotline, or a crisis center in the area you live in. And hold on. Know that many teens suffer in silence as you do now, and that there are brighter days ahead and help for you. Reach out to one of these places, get counselling, get help.. you will overcome. Please don’t give up. And please get help. If you are afraid to tell your mom now, please call someone who can help you. And do it soon, and know that you are a valuable and worthy person…and you will find happiness.
I’ve been feeling depressed for a couple of months now, its a constant wave, but its always there. I have nobody to talk to and I’m afraid to talk to someone in case they laugh and don’t take me seriously I don’t know what to do, I’m so alone
Putting the line about “Some suicidal statements or attempts are, in fact, manipulative” destroys this entire article and makes it utterly unhelpful in certain people’s cases. Are you aware of how many parents will cling to THAT statement and ONLY that one? There are parents out there that will do ANYTHING to deny the truth and brush it off, and they DON’T need more fuel!
I really need someone to talk to about my problems.
I am just 12 years old and I go to 6th grade. I know i’m too young… but I swear I am honest.
It all started at around 4th grade. Around that time my parents abused me. It has half-stopped now but I still remember. It was the first time I felt depressed but it stopped quite quickly.(I honestly don’t know how to describe my experiences)
Since the start of 5th grade to the present, I’ve been depressed. School’s been just an obstacle I have to face everyday. And it’s getting harder.
Everyone hates me. My parents, my friends, my teachers. Everyone. People call me fat and I’ve been trying to become anorexic but I can’t because I love food. I am fat, really. I am ugly and a bad person. I am worthless and dumb. I am pathetic. And such a liar.
You’re supposed to smile when you’re feeling happy, right? If you’re smiling and you’re not, it’s just lies. For me, at least.
I started cutting 8 months ago. I do small scratches with scissors and I harm myself in any way that is not visible. I became suicidal 7 months ago and I think about it way too too much these past 4 months.
It would be nice if I had friends online since I don’t really have any in real life.
I really need help.
“HOMERUN,”
I’m so sorry you’re hurting like this. It’s hard to heal all by yourself. Is there anyone at all you can talk to about how you’re feeling, maybe a teacher you trust or your doctor? Even if there isn’t a teacher you trust, you could take a chance and see if one can help you. I know you said everyone hates you, but I have a hunch that might be a a very painful feeling, not an actual fact.
Of course I recommend that you confide in your parents but I suspect, based on what you wrote, you might feel very reluctant to do that. You can also reach out for help by phone, email, or text to a variety of hotlines. If you are in the U.S., a good place to start is the national lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). Also you can text the Crisis Text Line; see this page for more information: crisistextline.org/. I list more resources on my website at speakingofsuicide.com/resources/
Also, I want to apologize for the long delay in posting your comment. My site’s spam filter incorrectly categorized it as spam, so it was buried beneath hundreds of ridiculous marketing comments. I’m glad I found it!
I hope you get some help. I know you can, even though it’s hard.
I want to tell you something that’s encouraging but I can’t because at least you have an idea of what you feel. I don’t know at all,just that I feel useless and a list of other disgusting words. I won’t tell you my situation is worse because people feel differently. Now read what I’m about to say.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS
YOU ARE NOT FAT YOU MAY HAVE IT BUT THAT DOESN’T DEFINE YOU
FINALLY,JUST BE YOU.
Hello my name is Tiara and I am like you but I was bullied t every school I went to and I feel like no on likes me and just hate myself and I sometimes wish I was dead sometime I have visions that I’m stabing myself with a knife in the heart and I like to hav friends online to because I feel like they are the only people that really like me for me and I don’t cut myself but I punch my head really hard and bang it to.I think that I’m ugly to and people call me fat one time someone called me fat a.. and I started to cry inside. I try to exercise but I just like eating so much it makes me feel better and sometimes it is just because it’s soooooo good . I’m 13 yrs old and I’m going to 8th grade. I hope we can we friends and get to know each other.you are not alone. Bye homerun.
For me it’s weird talking to my parents like this because I don’t talk to them about that sort of thing so I’m going through this alone but I prefer being alone I don’t trust a lot of people because they end up hurting me and I hate that
I told my parents about suicide and they yelled at me that it was a sin. Like that was gonna make me rethink -.-
I commented on this I think a little more than a year ago, and I subscribed to the comments. I honestly didn’t think I would be alive now to read it, but I am. I would be lying if I said that things got better, but I would also be lying if I didn’t say that I didn’t get better. It has been almost three months since I’ve last hurt myself, and while I know that things might be different again when winter comes around again, I also know that it does get a little bit easier, even if for just a little bit.
It breaks my heart to see that other people feel the way I did, and sometimes do, and it breaks my heart that you are so young, and trapped, and hurt. And I promise you that you deserve to love yourself, and that someday you will; that you deserve to live and that you deserve the help that you are not getting.
I’m sad to say that I am suicidal. I have been for 3 years. I have wanted to die since I was 10, and its only gotten worse. Please do not discredit me, due to my age; I know that I am only 13, but my story is still viable and truthful. When I was 10, I of course ran to my mothe and told her; she immediately took me to a psychiatrist. 2 months in, I realized that being forced to talk to a stranger I didn’t trust was only making things worse. I struggled for over a year to convince them that I was better. Finally, I was released. It sounds odd that I would say released, I know, but it was like being released from prison. However, I was lying. I am still depressed and suicidal. I found someone last year, a beautiful girl who was smart and sweet and fun who stole my heart and who I was proud to give it to, despite all those who were hard on us for being two girls. We dated for a bit, then broke up. I took it hard, of course, but she is now my closest friend. I respect her wishes to remain platonic. She has helped me so much lately; things were looking up until I started cutting and she told me she was too. Things began to spiral. After about a month, she and I made a pact: as long as one didn’t harm, the other couldn’t. It went well for a month or two… then I freaked out. I had a panic attack. I cut. I failed her. I panicked, told her I needed a little break from talking to her so I could avoid telling her. What can I say? I’m a coward. That night, I couldn’t sleep. I was so overcome with guilt. So I took the bottle of sleeping pills beside me and poured out three times the recommended dose. And did the same thing for a week. Finally, I was brave (and guilty) enough to tell her. The worst part? She forgave me. Said she would help me through this. And she did. I haven’t cut or taken pills since. But not because I’m actually feeling better; because I feel like such a horrible bastard for having betrayed her and caused her pain. I’ve felt so suicidal the past week. And I can’t bring myself to tell her. I don’t want her to hurt anymore. But I want to die so badly. I’m going insane. I’m scared to hurt her. I’m scared to be honest to her. Sometimes I don’t even know if she’s real or a figment of my imagination. I wish I could see her again, hold her and know she’s real. I… don’t know what I can do. I’m scared.
hi my name is caroline, do you want to talk? I’m 15 and I’m scared about stuff too but my parents won’t listen- you can msg me on tumblr if you want, my url is kittycaroline15
Hi, so I’m not gonna tell you my life story or how I battled and overcame depression. Why, because I didn’t. I’m 13 and around 3 months ago I started feeling IT. You know the… feeling? I’m totally lost rn and I was going to fake being sick and tell my mom tomorrow, but I am so scared. I don’t know what to do. Enough about me now, yea? I don’t want you to die, that’s it. I may not know you but we still have our entire lives ahead of us even if we can’t see it. I definitely ain’t some kind of psychiatrist thingy but maybe we could just talk, that’s all, just talk. I really don’t want you to commit suicide. I’m scared, your scared, let’s talk about dogs! I really need some person in my life rn, a friend. Would you like to be my friend?
(Email: richliz987@gmail.com)
Hey im sorta in the same situation as you… Be honest with your friend… I know it’s hard but she obviously means alot to you… Tell her everything that happened…. I hope you do xoxo you will get better
I fight with my mother a lot.
I rarely see my father.
I have to get the best grades
My mother cares for my sisters more than for me
I have to go to every school contest and have the best results
I cut myself
My crush thinks we’re just friends
My classmates hate me
I just want to dissappear…
i understand u honny
we think and feel the same but my mom hurts me when she says oh there is no reasons to be hurt
I fight with my mother a lot.
I rarely see my father.
I have to get the best grades
My mother cares for my brothers more than for me I have to go to take every honors and AP class as well as doing Taekwondo and have the best results.
I have suicidal thoughts but I’m too much of a coward to act on them, so all I do is cry.
My crush notices me but I’m too shy to talk to him much, so I just smile most of the time even though we sit right next to each other in one of my classes.
My classmates barely know the real me. They only know that I’m quiet and smart. My teachers only know that I’m quiet and smart. They don’t know how much I regret not being able to speak up sometimes or how late I stay up to do homework or because of sleeping problems. They don’t know how hard I try at everything I do.
I just want to disappear, but being the coward that I am, my most likely goal is quitting school to become tarzan (if only I didn’t have allergies).… I’m serious
~Kim
I want to kill myself because I’m a failure. I keep getting Bs in art and its ripping me apart. I NEED to get straight As, because that’s the only way my parents will love me. They tell me that they will love me no matter what, but I don’t believe them. But I know that if I tell anyone, they will send me to a mad house and it will shut down my future. I want to go to Harvard and become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. I’m so scared, I don’t what to do. Please help.
Same
I need serious help. Since I was 7 years old I’ve suffered from suicidal idealation which was also the age of my first attempt. During my first attempt I was caught by my mother and she slapped me and made me never do it again. As I’ve gotten older it has gotten worse and now the thoughts are resurfacing aggressively. I recently started making poor choices and they’ve added to the stress. My mother keeps brushing my problems unfer the rug and she constantly harasses ne about talking to her and she keeps mocking me about harming myself saying things like “The last time you tried that I slapped the piss out of you and I will do it again if you try that again”. She also pushes my problems under the rug. Sometimes I wish she hadn’t stopped me the last time I tried to harm myself. I seriously need guidance. Sometimes I just eant to lay in my bed forever and give up. It seems easier. Someone help me. I’m only 14 and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost and alone…
Oh god– do NOT listen to her. You have to tell a school counselor. Please. If anything, you just don’t deserve to listen to those hateful comments. I’m fourteen too & feel so alone, everyday.. but compared to how your mother treats you like crap, I feel lucky. Please tell any counselor you can– or anyone who can help, even call the suicide hotline. You don’t deserve this!
I cannot do ANYTHING in my household without getting yelled at. If I do my chores, I get yelled at because I left one mug out. If I don’t do my chores but do my homework, I get yelled at. I tell them I cannot do several things at once as it is simply not humanly possible. Unfortunately, that doesn’t get through them. I’ve cried out of panic and sadness and they tell me that they “understand”; that they “know what it’s like to be depressed” or to “stop being an overdramatic/ungrateful bitch”. I’ve told them countless times that you can not expect everything to be the way they want it to be. They’ll give me unexpected gifts and expect me to give them something in return-even though I am 13. I cannot get a job to make money, and the only money I have isn’t even mine (they steal from my bank account).
Every time I tell them I’m sad, they take away and look through my computer and my phone, which in turn caused trust issues between my mother and I. They ground me for months thinking technology is the only cause to my issues. This has been going on for years.
Every single damn time I get ONE bad grade out of an entire report card filled with As or Bs, she yells at me, grounds me or says I’m not trying hard enough, even though I work nightly on my homework (often times I am so depressed/anxious that I procrastinate and homework isn’t done on time).
Alongside that, my mother emotionally and mentally abuses me; she calls me or says I am acting like a bitch, a tramp, etc. I cry, and cry. I go back to her. The same insults occur. It’s a vicious circle.
When I tell her I’m being bullied, she does absolutely NOTHING to stop it other than to tell me that I am not “emotionally stable/strong”.
I want to live with my amazing father, but custody laws are a bitch to deal with-but then again, so is karma. I also don’t want to leave any of my friends behind (my dad lives in Minnesota). I keep experiencing “Stockholm syndrome-like” behaviors-coming back to my mother even though she hurts me.
It’s difficult to explain, and I’m afraid nobody can really help me. They refuse to take me to a therapist or a hospital to get evaluated because they assure me I am okay, even though my actions show otherwise.
For now, I am stuck with our school counselor and the words of my father (and hotlines; none of them had helped so far). I don’t want to kill myself; I want to fall under the spell of eternal sleep. School’s a drag and I am constantly worried about the stress associated with it. I just want to die peacefully.
I cannot find a way out. Please help me.
Hey. I’m a person from the other side of the world.
I just want you to know that you’re doing amazing. You’re holding on to life in a way that other people I know never will be able to. I know how hard it is for you. I’m here for you.
My parents don’t even know, because I never told them.
What I suggest is an online therapy program. Don’t tell your mother that you’re depressed. Smile. Grin.
Don’t let her know.
Meanwhile, people are helping out from online. You’re getting better each day. Now your mother had no reason to go through your devices.
If you need a good cry, I suggest a cuddly pillow and the closet. Maybe some Exo or Hozier music.
I’m here to listen, Alienated.
I’ve experienced a lot of the same things you have with my mom as well. I’m 20 now, and all I can tell you is stay strong. Do whatever you can to get out of there as soon as possible. I’m here for you if you want to talk. Just reply back and I’ll give you a way to contact me.
Wow! That must suck! I hope things get better! Man, she’s just cruel! We’re here to help!
I’m currently 18 years old, I have suffered with suicidal ideation since I was 9 years old, that was also the age of my first attempt. I was then diagnosed at 14 with severe depression.
Nobody understands and nobody helps, I have exhausted all of the services it is possible to get in the UK and I feel just as suicidal if not more suicidal than I did when I was 9.
My last suicide attempt was in may last year, I spent four days in hospital hooked to an IV because they was inducing vomiting from a lethal overdose, my blood pressure was so high I was borderline for having a heart attack.
My family like to ignore I even have a mental illness and if I try to talk about it they get aggressive and act like they know everything when they dont. I’m exhausted and I feel like I’ve been locked in a little glass box, watching everyone I know progress whilst I’ve just be handed a noose and left alone. I dont feel like I can continue living anymore.
I’m 13 years old and I have been dealing with this problem for a long time until one day I just stopped and I felt I lost my energy but my dad heard me crying so I gave him my diary to say the words I couldn’t I don’t know if I did a good thing or a bad thing but it’s affecting everything school and home life I’ve talked to someone it didn’t really help .
I’m 14 turning 15 and since the beginning of freshman year have been experiencing high levels of sadness that led to depression and most recently suicide thoughts. It started when I went to school as a little happy ball of joy but that changed when my few friends decided I wasn’t good enough and left me to join different groups. I felt so alone and then I started struggling in school, causing my parents to push me to my limits. I felt useless and alone, that no one cared to help. Recently I attempted suicide and my dad took my phone, figuring out about my depression and started trying to console me, which mad me feel worse. He told me not to be fake and have people accept me for who I am and that those problems are small and that the depression runs in his genetics into mine.. I started being fake at school, being someone I’m not, just so that people wouldn’t play with my emotions and leave me. I have anxiety of meeting new people and being judged, so that didn’t help when I had to make new friends that left me after finding out who I really am. I really want to die but I don’t think my mom (my dad will) care to help me..
Hi im 11 and ive been trying to kill myself.Ive been to the hospital for panic attacks and dont know why. They put me in this group called wharanaki for support and because im suicidal.They keep asking me why am i having depression.”you have nothing to be depressed at “.It started when i was hanging out with my friends in our treehouse and and she lives next to a creek.anyways we were listen to music and we could see this man so we got out and he was telling us to come.we didnt go because he might have raped us.He did something so unforgettable, he started pullingndown his pants and showed us his dick .i was the oldest there. We went to the phonebox and called the police but they hung up.we then went to my friends house and we told her mum .she xalled the police and i was ment to be back home and i never forgot that day we also got interviewed
I’m 13, and I’ve had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. I just didn’t take them seriously or know that they weren’t normal until last year in seventh grade. Everyone online says to find an adult that I’m comfortable talking to, but I can’t think of a single one that I can say that about. In the past my mom has yelled at my brother for having wound up in the hospital due to a disease, and as for the guidance counselor at school? I’ve gone to her in the past about bullying, and she did the least she could do and get away with. Now the person who bullied me is going around saying that I was the bully, but just got her in trouble to be mean. No adult in my life listens to anything I say. Literally. At dinner every night, whenever I try to speak, I’ll be in the middle of a sentence and my family will just talk over me.
And while I’m white, the school I go to is mainly Asian, so I’m often excluded from everything, meaning I have practically no friends. And the friends I do have only talk to me when it’s convenient for them. I’ve gotten really quiet and often don’t want to talk to anyone – at all – but my dad gets mad at me and punishes me if I stop talking, because he thinks I’m just being rude to him.
I’ve started cutting and literally beating myself up, but I don’t know what to do or who to go to. And it’s not something I think I can hide for much longer, because there’ll be times where I’ll just feel numb and nonexistent, and I won’t really know what I’m doing, so I’ll start punching myself in the face. Not because I like it, just so I can feel something…
S.,
The loneliness and alienation you describe sound awful. I’m so sorry. Please call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). They can tell you about places in your area where you can go and talk to someone, or they can help you over the phone. There are also other adults who might be able to help more than the guidance counselor did, whether a teacher, your doctor, or a family friend. You can even get help by email through the Samaritans organization, and you can get help by text through crisistextline.org.
I hope you will try. As lonely and painful as your situation sounds, it is not permanent, and it can change!
I’m 15 and I know I’m depressed. I tried telling my mother but she came back with “you have nothing to be depressed for. You want us to take you to a crazy house?” I was also yelled at by my father. They said they’d take my phone away and, having a boyfriend who lives in another state and I can only really talk to on my phone, I wouldn’t know what to do. I can’t lose him and I don’t know what to do. I’m overwhelmed by school and my family makes me feel worthless, wether they mean to or not
I’m almost nineteen and have experienced depression my entire life. The reason I didn’t want to tell my parents was because I didn’t feel like I had problems that warranted depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. When I finally told my mom I was depressed, she told me to just pretend to be happy. When my parents found out I was self-harming, they kept telling me I didn’t have problems, people had it worse, and that my doctor was wrong in diagnosing me with major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation.
Despite my parents’ reactions, I still think kids should tell their parents if they’re having issues.
I’m sorry you had those experiences with your parents. How lonely and unheard you must have felt! I hope that your name, “Recovery is my strength,” is an indication of healing you have found in your life.
Hey. I am almost 12 years old and having trouble with depression 🙁 it’s been going on since I was 10 and I am never bullied (because I home school) But I’m just so lonley…I have no friends and I have 7 siblings who all annoy me so much and don’t know what I go through. Some time in November, I attempted suicide and was interrupted by my sister knocking on the door needing a hairbrush. I take the belt down and slip by her because I am good at smuggling things. To heal my depression temporarily, I watch surgery videos and animes such as Higarushi with lots of blood at gore and I feel so much better! I do take a Catholic school every Wednesday night at 6:00 PM to 7:00 PM and during free time no one seems to be interested in talking with me. My mom says she loves me but I never feel her love…the only person I trust is my grandma because she’s so perfect and amazing. I feel like she’s the only reason I live in right now 🙁 I have recently got an addiction to cutting as well but not because I feel sad, it’s because I just get a craving for it. I’m so shy, I have trouble speaking to my parents and I know they should be people to trust but…I don’t trust ANYONE! Not even my family…except grandma
Hey Anonymous….
I absoloutly know how u feel….
My mom loves me but when i talk to her about serious thins she acts as if i can not manage to fix them….
In ur case just say something about before they notice, because if they find out you have been lying to them dude ur gonna have a lot more stress on you…
I have tried to kill my self but dont cut yourself just get a stress ball and when ever u feel an urge throw it at the walla or just keeping squeeezing it….
I hope this helped you dude….
-A.
hey i am 16 years old and i am kind of the cool kid in our grade… so i am white and i fell in love with a coloured girl(she almost looks white). my parents believe interracial relationships is wrong but i really love her and i fight for her…so i talked to my parents about it and they kept nagging on… later they took me to a priest and he said there is nothing wrong with it. so later my parents found the naughty sexual letters we wrote to each other although we have not had any sexual contact except making out…. they called her and told her that whatever is going on between us must stop and it really upsetted her. later she got mad at me to.. and i dnt wanne go to parties anymoere cause she is there and last night everyone nagged and called me and texted me i must come and later they told me i was a dick… but i just dnt wanne face her anymore and school starts soon then i am gona need to face her.. i am totally depressed and my parents keep asking me what is wrong. also my parents are overprotective as shit… PLEASE HELP ME HOW CAN I TELL THEM I STILL LOVE HER AND THAT THEY MUST ACCEPT HER I MEAN THEY ARE TOTALLY MAKING ME MORE DEPRESSED PLEASE ANYONE HELP!!!!
Donovan, sorry about that. Your parents are probably just wary of interracial activities. With that in mind, just know that it is YOUR LIFE. What YOU want to do. Your parents will care if you go out with a black girl, but again, would they do that if given a choice? Points to yes.
Hope I helped,
Anonymous
I’m 16 and I’ve been thinking about suicide for a few years now. I don’t really know what I want to do with my life and it doesn’t help that my mom keeps pressuring me to pursue a career that I’m not even interested in. The other day I got in an argument with my mom about what she wanted me to become. She threatened that she wouldn’t pay for my college if I tried becoming something else. I found this college that I was interested in going to, so I could be with my friends, but my mom won’t let me go because it’s too far away from home. She wants me to stay home while in college, and I don’t really want to. I feel trapped. I feel like my life was never mine to begin with. I could talk to my mom about this, but I know she wouldn’t take me seriously; she never does. At this point I don’t really care about my life or my future anymore. I mean, what’s the point of living if I can’t be happy or live my own life?
Mara,
Do you have someone else you can talk to about your suicidal thoughts and feelings of being trapped? Maybe a school counselor, family friend, physician, or other adult who could get you help? Please consider at least calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). They are available 24/7.
I’m 14 and ive been thinking about killing myself because of my parents I don’t want to tell ether of them because they will ask why and if I tell them they will beat me and say way don’t you love us and then continue beating me in the worst possible way from kicking me to heating a knife and burning me with it I can’t except that they might be abusing me when they call me names and beat me and maybe the worst you can think if my mom even tried to take me to a doctor because she thought I was a stupid retarted idiot ever since then every insult she says to me I take it to the heart I’m a boy and on the basketball team and hang out with the “cooler” kids that are old by like a year or 2 and I cry myself to sleep every night I’m starting to feel depressed everyday and my parent can tell something is up but all they say is “if you don’t f**king fix your problem I will kill you to fix mine” that scars me and I walk to my school every morning even in harsh weather because my biggest and only fear is being in my moms car and she takes me somewhere far and ditches me and I never see my friends or things again because last time my mom tried to give me a ride and ditch me we ran into my father and he took my to school and literally feared that my mom would do such a thing I ask my mom if she loved me before I starting writing this and she told me I would rather kill my self then love you is what she told my that’s when I felt so much anger I was going to kill myself I don’t love anyone or anything any more I might just kill my self I feel better for someone knowing my story good bye everyone and everything?????????????
Abdi I may be too late, but I’ve had friends an heard stories of people in your situation. Please try to find a friend that may be willin to take you in or go to the authorities. I care. Please don’t do anything. You said you have friends. They will miss you. Don’t leave them because your parents are too f-d up in the heand to see that your important. Don’t let people ruin your life. Please.
A., what you are going through is awful. I’m so sad for you. Please tell an adult at school about the abuse and your suicidal thoughts, whether a school counselor, teacher, coach or someone else. Or a family friend, or even the police. If you live in the U.S., you can also call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). There are people who want to help you!
Report this please. What your parents do to you is abuse imao.
Hi I’m 9 about to turn 10 and I really wanna leave and give up when I was eight this all started I was ready to kill myself t is too much stress and I haven’t never told my family also my friend hailey she’s been wanting to do the same thing as me if I go I know how my family will feel and friends so It happened because of a bully and depression has been my friend ever since I hope that one day ,y life comes to an end -Chloe
Hi im 19 nearly 20 and i’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts for a good few years now, i’m constantly depressed and my mother just keeps pushing me everyday, not intentionally, I feel like I should tell her but everytime I try to I can’t find the words to say, I want help but I dont want to be put in some hospital, a couple of months ago I was out with a friend and when he went home I was outside in my own crying contemplating suicide, when I came home my mother started shouting at me asking me what drugs I was on so instead of telling her i’m notin drugs I was going to kill myself, I agreed with her and said I did take drugs
im 16 atemted once but stoped because i didnt wont my nephiew that was i think 3 or 4 at the time atempt to wake my life less body up i wont to tell my friend but dont wont to burden him eny more then he already is i wont to tell my high school counsaler but she will most likely tell my perants which i dont wont to tell and i feal like i have more problems then just suicide like memory most the time i dont remember my suicidal thoughts but when im alone (which i dont like being with people) i end up thinking about how easy it would be to get away or how it would be it i died for myself and for the living world
I am 12, I am adopted into a family that hates me, I feel like a worthless fuck up. I have a bad habit of making the ones I feel actually care for me hate me. I think my anxiety isn’t helping. I have a constant fear that others are pretending to like me like some sick joke. I have contemplated suicide many times, and I am currently self-harming. I just want help, but I’m afraid I may never get it…
Vivian, please please please tell someone, an adult, what you are going through. If you don’t feel comfortable or safe telling your family, then please tell a teacher, school counselor, friend’s parent, or whoever. If you are in the U.S., you can always call the national 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) to talk with someone about what you’re going through. You don’t have to be suicidal to call, although the counselors there are trained to help with suicidal crises. Please also check out the Resources page.
Vivian, I know it can be scary to ask for help or to tell others of your fears. But, from where I’m sitting, it’s scarier to go through all of it alone. And you don’t have to be alone! Please talk to somebody.
I tried getting help by attempting to tell my mother! Landed me no where, I am currently talking with an older girl at my school, who does give me support, and makes me feel cared for, I have mental wounds, and I think she’s helping… A lot…
I’m 14, almost 15 and I have never actually been diagnosed with depression or anxiety but I very obviously have both. My dad, older brother and sister have it too so I guess it just passed through the family?…. I’m currently self harming, never too serious or anything but I wear a jacket 24/7 to hide it from everyone. My family can NEVER know because I have to be strong for them, dealing with my mom’s longterm illness and my dad’s depression. This year I’ve seen my mom almost die 4 times, and scarred me for life. I heard people making jokes about self harm at school…..and they have no idea what its like. I can’t seek help….I can’t tell anyone….what do I do?
I’m not a good person. I’m a liar, I’m too competitive to the point that I’ll cheat to do well because I’m just no good otherwise, and when I was in elementary school I was so jealous of one of the new kids because no one likes me but everyone liked her that I bullied her pretty cruelly over her weight. I dropped out of school the year i was supposed to graduate because i told the counselor i had been hurting myself with my nails and i was sent to a hospital and then a mental ward. I left after three days by lying because it was boring there and i only felt like i was worse and i havent talked to anyone about all of this since then aside from a few sympathetic online friends.
I have two jobs now but i have to pay $300 in rent to my mom every month and im very far behind with it. I owe her around $700 now and with both jobs I’m only making $200 to $350 a month. I work with kids, one job as a babysitter for two children that i practically consider my own family, and the other with school kids that i also care about a lot, though much less personally. I’m only 18, but this is all i can do because i have no ged yet and i havent been studying to take the last two tests for it even though my future is basically riding on it. I just dont care. I’m too stubborn to kill myself because mom tried to kill herself when my older brother committed suicide and i dont want her death to be my fault too, but she’s gotten married recently and that excuse is less and less compelling because her husband and i dont get along to say the least but he does keep her happy and if she does try something he’ll be there to stop her. So there’s not any reason to stick around anymore, and i hate that im even considering such a thing because so many people would love to be in my position with two jobs, wonderful kids to look after, an only $300 in rent every month.
Something is wrong with me. I’m fucked up and i hate myself and i dont deserve any of the good things i have but i also don’t want to let them go. I don’t know what to do.
I’m 11, and I was told to killmyself by my mom, this is just hurting me and I don’t know what to do.
I’ve only just turned 12, why do I want to die so bad? I feel cutting and self harming is my only way to escape reality. I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself and fake a smile because I’d rather do that than get asked 1000 questions on what’s wrong. I’ve tried counselling, none of it worked and when I told my parents it just made it worse seen as the response was “stop attention seeking”, “maybe if you wasn’t such a slag people wouldn’t say anything”, “your just a worthless fuck up”
Abigail, I’m so sorry. The feelings you describe are terribly painful at any age, but to experience them at 12 seems especially unjust. I hope you will not give up on getting help. You said counseling didn’t work, but there are many types of counseling and many more counselors, so something and someone else might help you more. Please try talking to other adults – a teacher, perhaps, or another relative. And if they don’t help, please try again. I suspect you’re not in the U.S. (“slag” is not a common term here) so I won’t repeat the number for our suicide prevention hotline. Instead, please check out the Resources page here.
I want to commit suicide. I am now in 9th grade. When I was in middle school I felt like this for a while due to things going on at home. Right before 8th grade ended I met someone who made all of my pain just fade away. We dated for over six months and through out those six months I almost never felt depressed. We recently broke up and now everything has come back to me. I am doing horrible in school, so I know I will amount to nothing if I do live. Now he is suicidal: No one knows I am so he doesn’t know that if he ends his life I most definitely will end mine. I am scared to tell my mom I feel this way and I am scared to tell his mom he feels that way because she hates me and then he will hate me. I don’t know what to do.
I am 12 almost 13 and my parents always nag on me to do better in school and Im stressed everyday…. I have tried committing suicide it did not work. please help me tell me what to do to help me from doing it. I really need help please tell me how to stop these thoughts.
Caitlyn,
Not to be negative but it only gets worse from here. Your only in middle school still, which doesn’t even count. I tried to be as average/slightly below average in middle school so I wouldn’t be pushed so damn hard in high school. The better you do the harder they push you to be BETTER! I was always the straight A kid in elementary school and I slowly weaned my parents to the idea that a C is fine, even good. Now I’m just trying to get through freshman year. I don’t even stress over it so much but it’s killing me slowly inside because if you don’t get good grades you won’t get into a good college, and if you don’t get into a good college you won’t be able to get a good job, and if you can’t get a good job, you’ll have a terrible life. It’s all over some silly little letters. I’m really struggling with it all right now, my parents don’t take me seriously, I’m depressed and all they try to do is make be “BE HAPPY” and I hate it, it pisses me off more and just makes me think about how I CAN’T be happy, not with all this stress and being burnt out by school. I can’t complain or they won’t take me seriously, I hate it so much. If I talk about it all to my mom she (without fail) brings up Christianity, I’m being raised in a very Christian home and I don’t even know what I am. I’ve done the whole asking for forgiveness for my sins and knowing that Jesus died on the cross for my sins but I don’t feel different. I’d say I’m not a great Christian but it pisses me off so much that she thinks just because I’m a Christian means that my life is perfect and I shouldn’t complain and that God will solve everything. Then why do I still feel so sad and awful and hopeless? I come home from school wanting to just lie down and go to sleep and never wake up. Motivational speeches just make it worse, I’m only ever happy with my horses and even then I worry about how we need to buy so much hay and how I might as well sell them but they’re the little string of hope I’m hanging onto right now. I’d die without my horses and they’re the only reason I haven’t just jumped off a bridge. I just don’t know what to do. I want help but I don’t but I need it but I hate the attention and I just want to be left alone. It physically hurts and I hate myself and everything.
I can’t tell my parents about my self-harming and suicidal thoughts, because I need to be strong for them. My Mum, Dad and brother all have depression, my brother being on anti-depressants, and my nan needed electroshock therapy for manic depression which wiped her memory. My parents confess their problems to me and use me as a shoulder to cry on, calling me their “happy little girl”, and I can’t bring myself to shatter that image. My brother went through virtually the same thing when he was my age, but with burning instead of cutting, and I can’t put my parents through that again. It’s difficult to manage it on my own, but I’m trying to overcome it without confiding in them or my friends. I maintain a normal personality most of the time, so nobody will suspect what’s really going on, but it got quite bad at one point and I minorly overdosed on paracetamol. It made my midsection hurt a lot, but I got over it. To be honest, I would rather die than tell my parents.
During elementary school, being the new kid starting in 2nd grade, and never going to school before then I was slightly behind, but quickly caught up and I have had straight A’s and B’s since then. I was a very happy kid all through elementary school, and most of my teachers liked me because I was respectful and a nice kid. But when I started middle school, I guess I was just overwhelmed with everything and my friends started leaving me and I became a social outcast. I did go through a “Gothic phase” but stopped, but in seventh grade I started cutting to releave stress, anxiety, and my depressing thoughts. Now I am an eighth grade student, and cut very often, almost daily. I would NEVER tell my parents or a teacher, because I will become the main factor of more of their financial problems due to therapy or hospitilization. My parents are going through a lot of money problems and my mom’s longterm illness(which will never go away). I’ve seen my mom almost die 4 times in one year, and just this month I watched as she had a seizure and I had to call 911. Anyway, depressing thoughts are on my mind 24\7 and I’ve had suicidal thoughts, but I know I would never actually attempt.
I would never tell my parents this, because either: (1) they will think I want attention (2) they will say I’m just a teen going through a phase and dismiss it as a joke, making me feel foolish (3) over react to the point where they never leave me alone and pity me, which pity has always bothered me tremendously…..
I don’t know what to do….. Everything is so overwhelming, and the only thing that has helped me is art and music……
I’m 14 when my mom found I was cutting and trying to end my life she grounded me and said if I did it again I’m going to the mental hospital AGAIN it only got worse and now know one knows.
Rozi,
I am so sorry. It must be awful to feel punished by your mother when what you need is understanding and empathy. I hope you will seek such understanding from others. For whatever reasons, your mother is unable to provide it right now. She might be scared. She might be in denial. She might be trying to get you to change through coercion, though with good intentions. And other reasons are possible, too.
Please talk to someone else. A counselor at school. A teacher. A suicide hotline. Anyone, even.. Keep searching. There are people who can help.
If you live in North America, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline any time, at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). That might be a good place to start.
You do not have to be alone with this.
I always tell my mom how I am suicidal, but she just dismisses it like it is my fault….she doesn’t take me seriously either…..I never know what to do and I never feel like anyone truly cared enought to understand that I am serious about everything… 🙁
I’m in college and have dealt with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts since middle school. My parents have known about my issues for years, and I believe that they try to help in their own way. However, they also believe that I can overcome my feelings by willpower alone and I can no longer bring myself to talk to them if I feel like I am struggling. I know they want what is best for me, but I wish they would let me be weak in front of them when I need to most.
Recently, about 6 months my older sister attempted suicide. When I found out, I was shocked, and thought maybe I should tell our parents about my past suicidal thoughts. I’ve done research and concluded that I have SAD as well as some other things. When I was talking to my sister and told her about SAD, she just laughed it off and said go outside more. That didn’t help when our parents were already mad at her for it and were complaining about the hospital bills. I don’t know what to do, I’ve been better recently, but I’m falling back into old habits of self-harm. I don’t want to tell one of my two good friends and make them deal with telling someone or feeling guilty if I do attempt. I really don’t know what to do.
It started to become clear to me that something was wrong with me about 2 1/2 years ago, and I researched endlessly until I came to a satisfying answer. It’s is extremely obvious that I have a personality disorder and I have been self harming for 2 1/2 years as well. My mom knows now about that, but does not believe that I have a disorder, she said that the only reason I’m cutting myself is because I’m 15 and it’s a diffucult age. She thinks she knows all about it just because when she was my age she cut her self too. She said that I’m just on another level, and offered the opinion that I Might be crazy but I think she was being sort of free speeched with that. She has done this to me before, she always invalidates the way I feel and never lets anyone else voice an opinion without trying to be “right”. When she does this to me it makes me feel worse. I’m supposed to be getting counseling or therapy soon and I hope that a doctor will let me take some sort of psychological evaluation so that I can at least have a diagnosis so my mom understands me. I want a way to make her realize that there are teens that aren’t messed up just because they are teens. She didn’t even let me tell her why I think I have a personality disorder. So she doesn’t even really know what my feelings are, so how can she know the problem without knowing the symptoms?
I’m not sure where else to take this problem… I’m 17, starting senior year in 2 days… I’ve done extensive research on depression and I’m pretty sure I’ve suffered from it all the way since 7th grade when a very important person to me passed away due to cancer. In 8th grade, I was still very shaken up over it ( though I never had anyone to talk to about it ), and it started affecting school life; my grades plummeted… Near the end of that year, I tried getting help, though not directly… It ended with my being unable to leave my room unless it was for the bathroom or school for 2 months with no entertainment but my books because she just got so angry and offended that I, (in her mind) absolutely perfect, can do no wrong, and will never have anything wrong daughter would do that to her… She’s very intelligent, and she recognizes depression as a problem that must be solved in everyone but me… She denies every problem that I may have, physically or mentally….
And so far all throughout high school, I’ve had only small periods where I’m genuinely happy– but then the smallest thing could happen and then I suddenly relapse into this again. Just a few months ago it reached another low where I was once again contemplating suicide… And the thoughts they were just so dark and vivid that I was genuinely scared… I don’t know what to do anymore about it…. I want so much just to be able to be a normal teenager for at least the last 2 years of it– I want a personality of my own not consumed by depression… But I can’t talk to my parents ( dad would at least understand, but mom wont…. It will just be a repeat of 8th grade ) and my school counselors ( believe me, I’ve tried talking to them, too ) will direct everything I say right back to my mother, too… and she’ll be even more pissed than if I brought it up directly with her… Even then, we can’t afford any therapists or psychologists…..
I know very well I’m not at risk for suicide or any such thing– I don’t even self harm… But my mind is a mess… I don’t want to be like this anymore…
I tell my mom I hate my life but she never understands I’m just 12 yrs old and I’m dumb person that wants to suicide
Im sixteen, and trying to deal with depression that began when i was thirteen. At first it was solely because of my weight and my awkwardness. Iost control one day and screamed at my mother and told her i wanted to die. She responded with a lot of these actions and asked me if i wanted to see a therapist so many times. The first time i said yes but after that i told her not to worry about it. (Money has always been tight.) since then she has only asked me about it once. I believe her exact words were “aren’t you glad you didnt carry out that stupid plan of yours?” And i said yeah. Sure. I didnt tell her that i still thought about it. I didnt tell her i have anxiety over talking to anyone or doing anything lately. I didnt tell her i still cut and my feelings have gotten worse. I feel like i dont belong anywhere. Now its almost unbearable and every day is a living hell, a lie that im forced to keep up. “Yes im happy” “yes im going to try and take ap classes” “yes im going to have so many friends” and i moved states for the first time and schools for the third time. I hate my life and im tired of everything.
“Anonymous,”
It is all too clear that you are suffering. And that you feel alone and misunderstood. I encourage you to reach out for help. Perhaps, if you tell your mother, she will surprise you with a different level of understanding and attention. Perhaps not. Telling her that you are happy and hopeful, though, gives her no opportunity to understand your true pain.
If not your mother – or if telling your mother is more painful than helpful – there are other resources. You can talk to a teacher or counselor at your new school once classes start. You can talk to your physician or nurse. You can tell another adult you know. And you can call or text one of the crisis hotlines out there, including the Crisis Text Line, which is set up specifically for teens.
To access the Crisis Text Line, if you are in the U.S. text 741741. (I don’t think it’s available outside the U.S.) You can learn more here: http://www.crisistextline.org/faq/
There’s also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, also in the U.S. It’s available 24/7 at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK).
For more places where you can receive help anonymously by phone, Internet, or text, check out the Resources page on this site here: https://speakingofsuicide.mystagingwebsite.com/resources/#immediatehelp
Good luck to you! May you receive help, feel less alone, and feel better soon.
10.
Great… today I had a moment of extreme anger and sadness with my mom as a part of my depression and splurted out that I felt like killing myself at that moment. Once the situation calmed down, I tried to explain to her that it was out of anguish, and how I’d never actually try to commit, let alone seriously think about it: I treasure my life and think I’m doing great… aside from problems within my family.
10.
Well, now I have to go EVERYWHERE with her. To the grocery store, to the post office, to the mailbox, in the garage… I’m no longer allowed to stay alone. I just don’t get why she doesn’t trust me, even after I calmly explained to her that I would never do such a thing, esp. considering the pain it could inflict on everyone around me. I mean, I understand that she’s worried and fearful, but I never told her I was considering anything. I know my life isn’t something I should throw away, and understand that this is something I can stay strong with and pull through.
10.
That being said, I honestly hate myself more, as a part of my family. In addition, I’m scared that anything coming out of my mouth will destroy the freedom I have left and relationship with my mom.
10.
i very recently told my mom the same thing and now im going to be moving in a room with my little sister and i cant be left alone. she took my phone away so that means no communication with my friends or any of my family out of the house because i need to get back in “reality” because im on my phone too much so now me a 15 year old girl has 0 freedom, staying with someone always looking over my sholder and no friends to vent to or anything. to me this is not going to do anything but make me more depressed and she just doesnot understand.
“Anonymous,”
I am so sorry. It sounds like your disclosure led to less freedom and more isolation. I don’t know your situation, but generally speaking my experience has been that parents are well meaning and acting out of fear when they restrict a suicidal child’s actions. The prospect of losing a child to suicide is understandably terrifying. Many times, though, the parents’ efforts at protecting their child can feel like punishment to the child and even have harmful consequences.
I hope you will reach out to others for help, too. Perhaps someone can help you to negotiate with your mother, so that you both are working toward your safety and recovery in the most effective ways possible. Or perhaps someone can help you to cope with what you are facing. Even if the situation cannot change, the ways you react to it and cope with it can change, and this can lessen your pain, too.
Finally, whatever led you to disclose your suicidal feelings in the first place needs to be addressed. For this, I encourage you to confide in a trusted adult or to reach out to resources that are available to you. A good place to start is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). There’s also the Crisis Text Line, which was set up to help teens who are in danger of dying by suicide; to reach them, text 741741 in the U.S.
Good luck to you, and may you experience relief, recovery, and connection with someone who can help you – soon!
1, 2, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10
My family does everyone of these
Number 1 made me cry because I know that’s what will happen to me………..
You will be alright, try counseling in your school, and remember that teenager are the most understood people on earth. If you ever need to talk I am here for you! 🙂 Stay strong I believe in you
Thank you, Jeannine, for your compassionate and supportive comment.
A question: Did you mean to say that teenagers are the most misunderstood people on earth?
same here… just remember you’re not in this alone
Help me
I’ve had suicidal thoughts daily for years now . I refuse to talk to my mom about it because when she first found out about my self harm, she would hold it against me . Like a few months ago , we were fighting and she yelled “if you were smart enough you wouldn’t have done that !” To which I responded to “what” “you know what I’m talking about!!!(she then took a pencil and drew fast lines across her arm , )”
It is alright, your mom just loves you very much and she is going through a lot of pressure that her beautiful child has suicidal thoughts, hang in there you will be alirght if you need to talk email me!:)
Dude, thats not concern, that abusive. She shouldn’t be using that against you or acting like it affects her more than it affects you.
I’m afraid to tell my mom because she told me that if I choose to be depressed then she would not help me, and would cut me off from the family… I’m not sure why she has such strong feelings, but I don’t want to tell her because I know how she will react. I told my dad, and he ignored every word… As if I had said nothing at all. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to do this alone.
Please tell me what to do. I did something bad and my brother knows about it. He forces me to do everything like clean the entire house. Im tired of living under his control. If my parents figure out i will be dead. What do i do?
I would drop hints that I’m not okay,heck I would even try locking myself from the world. But since my other cousin were depressed they thought this was a phase and that I was just copying. This ‘phase’ has been going on for three years going on four. No one has noticed. I one time told my mom about it she said that feeling was stupid an I shouldn’t feel that way.
i am afraid to tell my parents cause i know she wont believe me she will think i’m copying my sister and my dad. i have already tried killing myself over how many times and i cry all the time. i already asked my mom multiple times if i can see a therapist and she said yeah we will see and she never talked about it again. and when i asked my dad to see a therapist he said i had to talk to my mom about it but she doesn’t believe me
Hi I’m going through the same thing. If you ever need to talk I’m here.
I know how you feel. I went to the therapist once to talk about my feeling but my mom only told me to talk about minor problems, the stupid ones. Now the therapist thinks I over react to thinks like ‘friends’
I’ve been suicidal and depressed since I was 10 and I’m 13 now please kill me before I kill my parents for the things they’ve done to me
I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly that you want to kill yourself. I would like to help you get help. Where do you live?
I urge you to call 911 for immediate help. Also you can call a 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK).
Please also feel free to email me directly at speakingofsuicide@gmail.com.
Please take care and do not act on your thoughts. Help is available!
I have two sides to me. The first side of me is the smiling, and happy side that only comes out in the day. At night, the second side comes out.
I don’t know if I’m depressed, or if I’m just crazy because I think about death a lot. I think about suicide a lot. I think about how much I hate this world. I have a good life, good family, and I have everything I will ever need. But I’m just not happy. I fake my smiles throughout the day because I have to or else people will think something is wrong. They don’t care about me. I don’t know why they would ask if I was okay. I’ve cut once, and thought about suicide many times. I don’t think I will ever actually attempt it, but I’m scared of the things I might do in the future. I want to tell my mom so bad, but I’m scared to. She has so much on her plate right now because my baby brother had a mental illness and a disease that can lead to death.
What really started all of this was when my Dad almost died. I told my “friends” at the time and they didn’t care. That hurt me so much. I bawled my eyes out in front of a bunch of people in my family. Throughout multiple months, I’ve been having weird feelings and suicide thoughts. I’ve planned on how I’m going to do it and everything, but I just don’t know if I really could do it.
Over about 7 months it’s gotten worst. At night is when I cry and cry until I get tired and just fall asleep. I’ve began to have mood swings a lot and my day starts out great and then by the afternoon, it’s turns out terrible. One little thing a person does can trigger my anger. I scream at people now and I’ve been getting into trouble with my mom more. I honestly do not care about life anymore. I wouldn’t care if I died tomorrow or in the next 5 minutes. When I look at scissors or knives I imagine blood and death. It’s dart the way I think of things now. I’m scared of myself. I need help on how to tell my mom. I want help before its to late.
Hi
I’m no expert on helping with suicide but I will do whatever I can… I want to help you. I want to help anyone who needs it. There is a way out. Please contact me: adelia1001@gmail.com.
All my love,
Adelia
I am going through the exact same thing! I am here for you 🙂 If you ever need someone to talk to!
My sister has cancer and my mom and her has just got back from doing radiation. While they were gone I was having a lot of symptoms such as: heart racing, shortness of breath, being scared I was going to die in my sleep, numbness, and a lot more. Then, everything I did I felt sad or I will start having fun and then I will think of something bad again. When they got back I started telling mom about the numbess because everything else was going away and she said I will be fine to stop being a drama queen but then my brother mentioned something and she was like its probably anxinty. My mom thinks I don’t have nothing wrong with that I’m seeking attention but I really need help. I don’t want to tell her the way I’m feelings because she’s not going to listen. When she came home. Something in my head started telling that I don’t love her and it is irritating me because I love her more than anything in the world. Then I started getting scared I was going to give up on my life. Every since she’s gotten home she hasn’t gave me a lot of attention she has went places with her friend.
hello, if you need anyone to talk to im here even though i don’t know you i will be here
Same my life just needs to end already I’m only nine but I dont wanna live know more;(
I told my parents I want to disappear and die, and they told me there was nothing wrong with me and I need to learn how to control my feelings. I don’t know if it’s my fault or if I really can’t control it. I just feel very sad at times. After I told them I want to die, I feel so alone. I told them this and it was like they didn’t care at all and I was just being dramatic. I have a really good family and life and no reason to be upset compared to others, but I am. Are they right? Can I control my upset feelings that easily?
I think I’m suffering with depression and have been possibly for the last four or five months, maybe longer thinking about it, but especially because I can relate to a lot of the symptoms of depression especially including suicidal thoughts. I have a few ideas to what has triggered it all but I’m not 100% sure.
I want to go to a doctor or even just tell a teacher at school but I feel if I do so, I’m betraying my mother because she’s my mother and deserves to know. I’ve told three of my best friends and they’re supportive of me and are there for me. It’s not that my mother wouldn’t be understanding because I know she would but I know how much it will break her if I tell her and I don’t want to do that to her especially after seeing her break down when my nan died because I’m scared history will just repeat itself if I do decide to tell her.
It’s not that I don’t have a good life going for me because I do and I know I do. I feel like I have too much of my life (other than this) together as I don’t harm myself (although I’ve thought about it), I don’t drink or take drugs, I’m healthy enough otherwise and I play sports to try take my mind off things. I hate myself for it all because so many other teens around my age have it so much worse than me and all I can think about is ending my life.
I’m only 16 and I still have a life ahead of me I know, but I just don’t want to live anymore. Though I have so many suicidal thoughts & so often, I don’t think I’ll act on my thoughts or at least for now.
I really need ideas of who to tell first, when, how, and if I do decide to tell my mother how do I do so & when. I really appreciate any help because any help is better than no help. Thank you.
I feel you 100% What I did though, I wrote my mother a note telling her how I feel and about my suicidal thoughts and she was so supportive. Also, I feel a lot better.. Maybe you could try that, seems like your mother would be supportive..
Hey I have the same problem. I have a great life and I play a bunch of sports. I’m also scared to tell my mother about my suicidal thoughts. I’m 14, though.
I have the same feelings as well oftentimes. I look around and I’m the odd man out. I feel I’m just some boring loser because I don’t play a flashy sport like football or soccer, I run and do martial arts. I’m also religious and I’m only 14 and committed to that religion… And yet I feel people make fun of me for this. There’s one guy in gym that basically calls me a loser for having good grades and not being good at the sports he’s at. I’d ignore him, except that a bunch of other people then get the same impression of me and it gets terrible. Another kid in that class who was shunned also died. They said it was an accident involving rope, but I have thoughts otherwise… In other classes because I’m in a school with a lot of smart people, I feel shunned because I’d rather play the piano and fun music stuff instead of playing video games, or learning calculus, (because I need to feel like I’m a no-life even more :P) and I get the impression people find me stupid despite being in an advanced program at school. I know God has given me gifts and some things are in life to make us stronger, and better, but I don’t know what to do at this point…
And my mood also is easily spoiled. I can start off the week happy, but after Monday, it’s gotten bad. People set me off and I feel shunned again. I’ve mentioned to my parents that I often feel shunned at school for being who I am. But I don’t want to tell them everything. I don’t want to to tell them that I’ve had suicidal thoughts, that I’ve written stories of killing everyone who is mean to me, or I end up killing myself. I’ve even gotten to the point of knowing how I would commit suicide at this point, if I really wanted to… But the only thing holding me back is how 8 people would react, my 4 friends, and my family… I can’t stand making other people feel that way.
Another thing, I’ve never hurt anyone YET… but I know that one day soon, someone is going to make me lash out and I’ll beat them up… I must have some majorly good self-control from Martial Arts to not do so yet, but my temper is getting worse everyday, and I’m getting more depressed and less happy every week.
I talk about parents talking to their teens all the time. Recently I have included younger ages because as a nurse, mom and minister I am running into younger and younger children who are not being listened to by parents, grandparents and people in general. If you won’t take time to listen then get them to someone trained to listen! We need to stop being so busy
I just want to die… My parents recently found out about my cutting for the second time and constantly ask me if I’m okay or if I’ve “done it again.” I don’t feel as though they understand in the slightest and much mom especially always comes up with things like “oh so it’s a very clever tipping you’ve done, is it!” And she’ll often get mad and violent. Now both my parents are insisting I get help, but they’re ramming it down my throat, and just because I’m stubborn, I do not want to go; I’m close to resolving that if they force me, I simply will not talk. And it’s not as if, in my opinion, they really care. It’s almost as if it’s their duty, as parents, but if they could, they wouldn’t bother with me. They don’t say I should get help in a way to imply they genuinely care, it seems more as if it’s a derogatory statement to say, “you’re crazy, you need help.” I would not really mind going to talk to someone… But me being me, if I’m forced, and not given an option, I won’t do it. End of.
I don’t know what to do anymore… I feel completely numb and am crying so much. I just want to die. I don’t really know why I’m posting this. Maybe just because I want someone who may actually understand to know? I’m not sure. But I just want to die.
Adrianna,
I am sorry you are suffering so badly. I hope you will consider reaching out to someone else if your parents are not helpful. If you are in North America, please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). You could also turn to a teacher, counselor, minister, neighbor, coach, parent of a friend, or other relative – really, any adult who might be able to help.
I also hope you will read this post and consider the questions that are asked: Are You Thinking of Killing Yourself?
Hey, I feel the same way too but I guess we just gotta hang in there and hope for the best…You might think I’m saying that to make you feel better but, I actually do feel ur pain I go through it too…I guess we just gotta keep moving forward!
Arianna,
Don’t be discouraged. You are not alone there are other young people who “just want to die”. Your parents are trying to help the best way they know how. It’s hard for a person not trying to kill themselves or have not had that thought to be clueless. If this is where you get heard then by all means speak, and loudly. You obviously have a lot that needs to be said. I have 5 sons and 3 have had suicidal thoughts. And I stopped in my tracks and listened. I pray that you run into someone who lets you scream your head off. cuss everyone out. throw, kick and scream
Marie ( mom, nurse, minister and listener)
I’ve never told them because my younger brother had attempted suicide before and while I have wanted to die or disappear (but have no specific plan) and I sometimes self harm (just barely deep enough to draw blood and in areas they won’t see) I worry they will react as if it is the same severity as my brother, who has needed stitches for cuts several times and has attempted suicide three times now. I don’t want to worry them more and I don’t think they’ll realize that my situation is different than my brother’s. I need to talk to someone, not be taken to the inpatient adolescent psychiatric place that’s become their go to for when my brother comes to them to tell them he is suicidal.
kb97,
I am sad that you’re experiencing a hard time and feeling that you can’t get help for it. I hope you will consider telling your parents. What if they don’t respond negatively? What if they actually are able to get you help?
Also, it might help you to know that inpatient psychiatric units usually will not admit someone who is not a serious danger to himself or herself, or to others. Simply having thoughts of wanting to die or disappear, and engaging in self harm that produces only slight wounds, usually is not reason to be admitted, even if the person wants to be! For more information, see my post Will I Be Committed to a Mental Hospital if I Tell a Therapist about my Suicidal Thoughts?
Having a brother who attempted suicide and is hospitalized multiple times must be very hard. Your own life situation might make it harder. Please do consider telling your parents and giving them the opportunity to help you.
I think my mom is best described like this:
You know those dreams where something really bad is happening? Say, right outside the widow there’s this gigantic tornado tearing up the neighborhood. And you turn to whoever’s next to you in the dream and say,
“Look! Looook!!!! Do you see that huge tornado over there?!?! We have to get to shelter!!!”
to which the person will reply: “Yeah I see it, but I don’t think we need to go to the basement or anything.” and continue doing what they were doing.
and the gigantic tornado is coming closer and closer to the house, so again you try to make them see that it’s dangerous, and that you need to take shelter immediately.
But they just don’t get it. You know what i’m talking about?
Leah,
I felt anxious just reading your comment! The tornado, the denial, the need for shelter – all portray so much urgency.
Is there someone you can talk to who will not only see the tornado, but react accordingly?
At a minimum, please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK) if you are in North America. You also might find helpful resources on this site’s resources page. It lists ways to get help for suicidal thoughts by phone, email, text, or chat.
It’s ironic how my mother is all of these. She even said half of the comments here like “How could you do this to me?” and “If you really loved me, you would never think of suicide.” It’s such a joke. I tell her i’m schizophrenic i have DID and she looks at me as if i’m alien… tell her i have anxiety and even though she’s seen me have panic attacks and schizo episodes she replies “you’re normal”. Some parents will never understand. They want the perfect ideal children. But i’m not, and rather than face the facts and help they’d rather live a lie and pretend all is okay
.
Oh and then the worst thing- Parents think its a phase. That you’ll just get over being suicidal. Just a stupid teenage phase. For Gods sake i drank half a bottle of bleach when I was 5 1/2 years old. More than twelve years later i’m still suicidal… 16 attempts…. that hasn’t changed… I need help…i want you to hug me and tell me everything will be okay… but no now i’m forbidden from even leaving the house except for school… she doesn’t want any “outside culture” to affect me. After all i have no reason to be suicidal. I haven’t been through any major traumas have I? Jokes on you Mom because even though you know what happened you refuse to acknowledge it. And Mom you can take everything away from me but you can’t take away my thoughts. I’m sorry.
Katharine,
I’m sorry you’re feeling so isolated and misunderstood. Those feelings are painful, on top of everything else it sounds like you are dealing with.
Are you getting help? Do you have others in whom you can confide? Please see the site’s Resource Page for a list of places where you can get help for suicidal thoughts by phone, text, chat, or email.
Do you have any advice on how teens should approach their parents on suicide?
I don’t want to hurt them and disappoint them by showing that they have one of “those” kids; I don’t want to be written off as some emotional spoiled teenage girl who’s calling for attention through self harm or grandiose shocking statements either.
But I don’t know if I can wait until I’m legally old enough to privately get help without involving them. I thought I could wait but I’m so scared I’ll hurt myself again, and they’ll find out after something happens.
Please help if you can or have time
Sorry to bother and thanks
Jay, The way I found out is that my daughters therapist called me in. She said to me take a deep breath and stay calm. Then they sprung the news on me. And I have to say as a parent, I didn’t have any thoughts of maybe it was for attention or I had one of those kids… all I thought was OMG my baby! (even tho she was a teen).. And what do I need to do to help her. Then I went thru the “how could I have not know this” phase. I am telling you this because sometimes we dont say what needs to be said because we are afraid of reactions from others. If you have a therapist or even a different adult that your parents and you are comfortable with ask them to help you talk to your parents.
I dont know your parents or how they would react but my daughter (I have learned from group sessions) had always thought I would “freak out on her ” as she put it..
If you have to do it on your own.. maybe you can say I have to talk to both of you and I am scared so please listen and try not to react quickly because I really need you right now and I love you. Tell them that you are afraid of disappointing them and you are not doing this for attention but you can’t handle this on your own anymore are you want and need help.
I have no medical experience what so ever I am just a parent letting you know things that helped me with accepting it and helping my daughter.
“Praying Parent,”
Thank you so much for contributing. I think your words will really help Jay. How lucky to have your perspective!
I truly appreciate the way you reach out to others on this site with kindness and concern. Thank you.
Jay,
I’m so sorry you’re struggling like this – and struggling alone. “Praying Parent” conveyed well how many parents would react to their child’s telling them about self harm and suicidal thoughts – with nothing but compassion, concern, sadness, and love. Do you have reason to believe your parents wouldn’t respond that way?
Speaking as a parent myself, if my child were suffering, I would want to know! I would want to be able to help.
Jay, I know you don’t want your parents to think less of you, or to think that you are “just” seeking attention, or “spoiled,” as you put it. My own sense of the parents I’ve worked with in my therapy practice is that most parents do not have such reactions. But I will not lie. Some do.
If your parents do have negative judgments, it can feel hurtful and rejecting, no doubt about it. But … and this is an important but … it’s far more important that you get the help you need.
Your parents can’t help you if they don’t know. I think “Praying Parent’s” idea to involve another adult is a good one, if you don’t feel safe telling your parents alone. And if for some reason your parents don’t take seriously your requests for help, is there a teacher or counselor at school who could help? Depending on where you live, many school counselors can help you get into counseling or some other kind of mental health services.
If your parents are disbelieving or judgmental but you do go into therapy, your therapist will be able to educate your parents about the realities of emotional problems (for example, depression, in case that is what you have). The fact is, no one *chooses* to be in so much emotional pain that self harm seems like a solution.
Good luck, Jay! May your parents, if you confide in them, respond just the way you hope.
Hi, and thank you so much for your answers
Praying parent, where did your daughter go to for a therapist? I would really want a professional adult I can trust if I were to ask my parents, but I doubt my school counselor can help; they think I have an attitude problem and maybe I do, but I want someone who doesn’t already have a biased view of me. They also think its just stress because I’m an Asian girl in high school, and that its mainly just my attitude and classes. But to be honest, I stopped caring a long time ago about school and a lot of the other things I used to love, and I want someone to talk to professionally.
Thank you both so much for answering and sharing your stories
Jay, We found my daughters therapist from her health insurance. We called them and they gave us the name and number to a social worker who provided therapy. She originally went to help her learn to cope with the stress she was experiencing. My daughter was scared and not happy about the idea of therapy, but she is so grateful she went. Our high school also has a therapist that she can go and talk to if she needs.
i want to commit suicide for a very long time. I was bullied at primary school by everyone even the teachers. I hated everyday there.They made fun of me all the time.tell me said to me I should go to hell and people hate me and say i don’t have any friends and saying worse stuff behind my back. i couldn’t stop them. i wanted to but i couldn’t. worse even my brother bullied me to with them. Laughs and jokes about me never stop
My parents aren’t much of help. They don’t care about me. My mother rarely said that she loves me or anything nice to me , she just says i’am a alien , an idiot even worse things. All the time she says why aren’t you like you cousin. I hate my cousin because she loved her more than me. My father just shouts all the time. There was never Harmony in the house never. I thought my dad will kill mom. They never stopped fighting. Even in public places. What a nightmare. It would have been better if they divorced rather than a loveless marriage. I am afraid of a relationship because of my parents. My brother isn’t much of help. Then i high school it was the same i was bullied again. I tried to talk about it with my mother. I told her that i was depressed. What does a mother do when her kid tell her that? I don’t know. But my mother laughed at me, and said if me and your father die you would have a reason to be depressed . They always ignored my feelings. My mother is doctor but jet she made me go to school sick all the time. She loved my brother more than me and ignored me nearly all the time. I had to learn thinks myself cause they were to busy with my brother. (example I learned to swim myself before my brother even if they were both busy with him. well they didn’t care that much that i did. And if my brother was sick a little mam would go crazy for him. I told her i am sick she would go. Really now. My dad never spoke just shouted.)And know i am at university. Studying something i don’t like because my parent forced me to. I hate it a lot and can’t even study. Worse thing i am studying with my cousin. She has better grades than me. Trouble for me. And this depression and thoughts of death are killing me. I tried to talk to my mother again but she made same response laughed. I have also a bit of mental problem so i am thinking of commit suicide since a was 7 or less. This is the first time i am expressing my feelings. Am a bit scared. Can anybody help me? (Sorry for bad English)
Dear Depressive… I can see your pain thru your words. You have experienced so much all your life and I can see that you were hurt and are still hurting. Thank you for sharing that was very brave. I am not a doctor and can not offer medical advice. I am a mother of a daughter who has experienced a lot of pain. If you can close your eyes for just a moment and picture me holding you in my arms the way a mother does… YOU are important… YOU matter… YOU are cared for and loved. You have worked so hard to hang in there..from when you were 7 until now… thats great work!!! And it was done by you! Not by bullies, not by jealous or unloving people. You need to take the steps to make yourself feel better. You do not need ANYONE’S permission to seek out help. All you need is courage to go one more day. Call the suicide talk line. 1.800.273.8255. I am sure they can help you find someone in your area to speak to . Just go ask… and remember the one thing in life that you can count on is that things always change.. I will be praying for you and your strength because you matter to me.
Read more at:
“Depressive,”
I am so saddened by the suffering you are going through. How awful to feel so rejected and judged by your parents (especially your mom), so unsafe in your home, and so attacked by depression and suicidal thoughts. How brave of you to share your story for the first time. This is the part of you that wants to live – the part of you that is desperate for help.
If you live in the U.S., then the number that “Praying Parent” gave is a good place to start – 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). That is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and it is open all day and night, every day and night. They will be able to connect you to a hotline counselor in or near your area who can then give you local resources.
Regardless of where you live, you can also get help from others by chat, text, and email. You can find these resources at https://speakingofsuicide.mystagingwebsite.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
I want to cumit suicide because I get bullied a lot and people tell me I should go to hell and people hate you and say you don’t have any friends and saying stuff behind your back and also say I wish you were never alive and you want to fight them but you can’t and people make you cry. I need help tell me what you think I should do.plsssss
“Anonymous,” how awful. People can be so cruel. I hate it!
Do you have anyone you can talk to about what you are going through? I am unsure whether you are a kid or an adult. If you aren’t an adult, can your school help with the bullying? Are your parents a help to you? Do they know what you are enduring?
My advice would be:
1. If you are in danger of killing yourself, call 911.
2. If not, consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). It is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
3. Also, talk with your parents about what you are dealing with. They can help you, and they can get you help.
4. Keep in mind that what you’re dealing with now will change. The people who bully you will not be in your life forever. You can make kind, loving friends, later if not now. Check out the site itgetsbetter.org for testimonials from people who were bullied when they were younger and who have messages of hope for people like you. The “It Gets Better” campaign originally was started for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender teens. Now it is applicable to anyone who is being bullied or otherwise is so unhappy that they want to die.
5. Remember that these bullies’ words and actions reveal uncomfortable truths about them, not you. They have hatred in their heart, for whatever reasons. You do not deserve to receive that hatred.
I hope you will consider my advice and get help from others!
I read your article, and completely agree on this. I went through depression last year, and though I hate to admit it, experimented with self harm. My mom accidentally walked in on me while I was changing and saw the cuts on my upper arm. She told my dad…and they got mad. I promised I wouldn’t do it again, and they took me to therapy. The thing is…I disliked speaking to him. Namely because I simply don’t like speaking to people in person of my problems. And also…he spoke in this monotone voice that made me feel worse. I managed to convince my parents I was better, and they took me out of therapy.
As soon as I left therapy, I actually felt much better. But…nearing the next year, the depression came back. At first, it was only this slight sadness that would come at certain times of the day. Then, it became all day, every day. It was not much of a big deal, though. I felt I could cope.
A few weeks ago, though, after a while of thinking about suicide a bit (but just a bit), I found myself on Google, looking for quick and painless suicide methods. Since then, I have been thinking excessively about suicide. I made a plan without wanting to. Whenever I come across anything that could kill me, be it a knife or a really elevated area or even the bathtub, I think, “should I do it?” And it takes me a while to decide on “no”. Each time, I get more hesitant on saying no.
I want to tell my parents. They’re good people, don’t get me wrong…but they aren’t very supportive. To this day, they still use my self harm episode against me in arguments. I don’t want them to think I’m ungrateful again. To think things like, “ugh, I have one of THOSE daughters…” But I’m scared, honestly. I know it’ll just get worse, but I’m 14. I can’t drive myself to the hospital and have a doctor explain to my parents. I can only use the phone with their permission, so I can’t call the hospital. I know I have no reason to be depressed. My life is good. I know that. And that’s why I want to keep on living. But suicidal thoughts just come out of nowhere, unwelcome.
Any ideas on how to tell my parents? Or on how to get help? Or anything?
“Kinda Scared”– what a painful, frightening, and lonely situation you are in! The suicidal thoughts you describe are called “intrusive” thoughts. It sounds like they come unbidden, against your wishes.
You said your life is good. You said you want to keep on living. But still the suicidal thoughts intrude – or “invade” might be more like it.
Even if your parents were supportive and you were receiving help, this would still likely be a painful and frightening time. To have to worry about your parents judging you or not supporting you only adds more pain.
Here’s the deal. You said you are depressed. Depression can play tricks on the mind. It can cause people to view their life, themselves, and others far more negatively than is fair. Perhaps depression is telling you that your parents won’t support you and will judge you instead. Perhaps this is not true.
Or perhaps it is true. Perhaps your parents are like many parents out there who are deeply afraid of suicide and suicidal thoughts and respond clumsily as a result, or who are in denial that their child could be seriously thinking of suicide, or who know little about depression and think it can go away with willpower alone – or who do, think or feel any number of other things that make it difficult for them to recognize that their child is hurting and needs help.
Whatever the case, you need help. You are having intrusive thoughts of suicide more and more often. You have even thought out a plan. And you are having a harder and harder time resisting the idea of suicide. These are dangerous developments.
Please consider telling your parents. You could show them the article above, and show them your written comment. You could show them my response, too. No words need be spoken for you to convey how much you really need their support.
If that doesn’t work, or if you just can’t share your thoughts directly with them, can you talk to a teacher or counselor at school? They can help communicate to your parents the realities of depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as the need for help.
What about your doctor? Could you ask your parents to take you to the doctor (for whatever reason you feel comfortable using) and then, when meeting privately with your doctor, tell him or her your situation? Even regular doctors who don’t work in mental health settings provide treatment for mental health problems.
Another option is to call a hotline for advice. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is always there, 24/7. Their number in the U.S. is 800.273.TALK (8255). There are other suicide hotlines and resources, too, available on this site at https://speakingofsuicide.mystagingwebsite.com/resources/#immediatehelp.
Finally, if none of the above works, or if you need help NOW, you can call 911. (If you are not in the U.S., your country or city has a different emergency number.)
Whatever you choose to do, your folks might get judgmental, upset, or angry, but they also might get deeply concerned, scared, and sad that you are suffering. Or all of the above. Or none of the above.
The most important thing right now is not how your parents feel.
The most important thing right now is how you can stay alive.
My problem with “professional” help and counseling is that it just seems like all they do is try to pump you full of shady medications. I don’t have much faith in this profession at all and I sure as heck wouldn’t waste my time bothering with it. A few years ago I was suicidal and taken away in a full-out escort of ambulances, firetrucks, and police cars. And you know what they did? The policemen and the EMTs just said “we can give you some medications that will make all your problems go away.” And when they took me to the mental health facility place to stay for a few days, all the therapists and counselors there mentioned was “medication, medication, medication.”
I question if this profession is really a respectable, helpful discipline and not just a scam run by greedy medication companies to get us to use their products. This is one of the reasons why I’d never tell my parents when I was suicidal: all they’d do is have me taken away again back to the “professional” goons who’d just try to load me with medication.
Anonymous, I can see why you doubt the integrity of the mental health profession! I would, too, if I went for help with emotional problems and the only “help” provided was the repetitive mention of “medication, medication, medication.”
Medication can help people. Quite often, it does. But even when medication helps, pills alone seldom heal emotional wounds.
Fundamental to the healing process is being heard, understood, accepted, and supported. I am sorry that you did not experience these conditions when you most needed them.
I hope you will not judge the entire mental health profession based on your negative experience. There are many caring, empathetic, and skilled professionals who can help, with or without medication.
Dear Anonymous, being that I am the parent not the teen person having the feelings I can’t say I know how you feel. But I am glad you shared. It helps me to try and understand what my daughter is going thru. As a parent your first priority is your childs safety and happiness. So I know for myself I am looking for the best and fastest fix to make her feel better. I have never been a big fan of meds, but I have to tell you sometimes, certain ones do work. Not all of them do and yes at the hospital they put her on meds right away. The goal of the hospital was to get her stable so that she wouldn’t harm herself and we could get her a good therapist that she felt comfortable with. This has been an ongoing battle, finding the right combination of meds, doctors, therapist and programs.
I feel when you are able to identify the source of the depression then you have a better chance of attacking it without meds, but when the person themselves dont even know why, because it is probably just that they are wired that way, then meds can help.
I am waiting for the day (and it may never come) that my daughter can feel good on her own without the help of meds.. but until then I will listen to what she is telling me about what feels like it is working for her, provide her with all the love and support I can and keep her talking.
I do hope that you also feel that peace. Last night in group therapy we learned that the only constant thing that can be guaranteed is that there will always be change.
I am a parent of a suicidal teen. One of the hardest thing besides the thought of losing your child is trying to balance being the “parent” and seeing this from their view. I was very lucky that we found a good therapist to help us learn to communicate better so we can work thru this. Everyone says to me.. why is she depressed there MUST be a reason, why would she want to kill herself she has everything, every teen deals with crap she needs to toughen up and deal with it. Well I am telling you sometimes there is just not an easy answer. I still don’t understand why she thinks life is just not worth it. I have tried everything I know possible, there have been many doctors, many therapists, many meds and hospitalizations. Now we are in a DBT therapy program and I am praying for some sort of miracle. Some therapist when they hear a teen say I want to die, the immediately say go to the hospital. I understand because they are just trying to keep the kid safe. But once your meds are set, there is not much the hospital can do except keep you safe for the short period that the insurance co will allow. So I do what I can to keep her safe. She is not home alone, everything that could possible hurt her is locked up and we go to DBT. The DBT therapist said to me… just wait and keep coming. Teens need to do this on their time, don’t push just keep coming… So I try and keep calm, walk on my egg shells, and think before I react to everything she says so that she feels she can safely talk to me.
TO Praying parent: I read your comments and felt like I could have been the person who wrote them. We are in the same exact situation with our 14 year old daughter but no where near going to DBT because our daughter is so depressed, she can’t even get out of bed. She does see a Therapist (mostly wrapped up in a blanket because we get her out of bed for that visit). We are hopeful for DBT when she is in a better place which we pray will be sometime soon. We just need to keep her alive long enough for something to help and make her feel hopeful. She has been on 7 different types of medications (at different times) in the last 8 months and has only gotten worse so now are in the process of weaning her off the last 2 because dr. thinks they may be causing her suicidal thoughts. Looking now into healing with nutrition and will meet with a “Functional doctor” next week. Just learning that Seratonin is made in the stomach and Functional doctors say we must heal the gut first so hopeful this will help. Praying for a miracle and will keep your child in our prayers too. I am beyond exhausted and would guess you are too.
Dear Connie, I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is in such a bad spot. You said she was on 7 meds in 8 months. That is a lot of changing.. Just keep in mind that a lot of them take 4 to 6 weeks to actually work. Make sure they check her thyroid as well.. That (we have learned due to the last episode) will mimic depression very badly when its off. Now that med also takes 4 weeks. But you can see if the levels are off if they do a full thyroid panel. I really do hope she finds relief somewhere. My daughter was just in the hospital again and they added Abilify.. What a wonderful difference. After about 4 weeks she is laugh and finding some happiness. I hope it lasts. I will pray for you as well. it is the scariest and most exhausting thing to go thru. Sending you big hugs!
Another reason is if your parents are religious and don’t believe in mental health. I know of one suicide in my family and my mom firmly believes the person who died by suicide will go to hell so I never told her about my suicidal thoughts. I did feel like i needed help though so I told her about my depression but all she told me was to stop thinking so much and basically get over it. Honestly it just made me more suicidal because my family was the main thing stopping me from suicide.
Well, you do have other reasons to stop you from commiting suicide. Maybe you are the only reason someone else is alive. Maybe you have help a person and that person needs you. Also, you are a very important person in this world. Who knows? Maybe you will creat something that does something awesome? For some reason, you were chosen to live instead of someone else. In my family, many have died at a young age. There is always a reason.
So how do i tell them, Im getting bullied at school and I can’t do any thing coz im scared my mum will find out
So you want to tell your parents you are getting bullied?
Personally, this doesnt make sense to me. You are saying that teenagers dont want to tell their parents they are suicidal because of the way they know they will react? They dont know how they will react, that is why.
Well, thats one possibility. There are tons of other possibilities out there that nobody gets and understands. You people just dont understand them.
I, a teenage girl, have helped many people with a list of problems. I have helped people from relationship problems to suicidal thoughts and… Other stuff. Its a long list. I am not even a therapist at all, my words and thoughts come to me in a way i cannot describe. Its like i can feel what they feel… Anyways, you people just have to understand them. I even made some research right now and whats on the internet about suicidal people is… Not really true. I have tons to say but, i dont want to confuse people with what i believe. Oh, and please do not feel offended with what i have said (if you feel offended in any way). I apologize for any types of errors.
When i said that the stuff i research is not really true, i dont think i researched everything so not everything out there is false (an its based on my opinion).
“Someone” in a way, i agree that parents should not take their child or teenager to get help. Thats based on what i have seen and heard. Someone i know hated to get “help” from her … I think psychologist and faked she was better just to get away from the “help” because it made her feel worse. Someone else had a problem and was better with my help. She was sent to a counceler and it made her completely worse. She just broke down because of the cpuncelor. I am not saying they are bad, but it makes people feel worse (from multiple stories i can tell you about). I would advise to not take her to get “help” and understand that person better. They need someone that understands them.
Some teens hate therapy. Some teens like therapy. Some get better. Some get worse. It really varies, depending on the teen, the situation, the therapist, and even the teen’s family. But I can tell you that there are many research studies out there showing that therapy has effectively helped many teens get better, whether they have problems with depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, or something else. These studies often show that therapy is more effective than none at all. Some types of therapy have more evidence than others that they are effective, such as cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy.
If you are a teen and you read this or other comments saying that therapy is not helpful, I hope you will not give up hope. There are many well trained, qualified, and even gifted therapists out there who can understand you and who can help. The first step is to let an adult know that you need help. If you think your parents won’t listen or won’t get you help, please consider talking to another adult, such as a coach, a teacher, a friend’s parents, or a school counselor.
Hello “Girl,” thanks for sharing your insights. I think your sense that “you people just don’t understand them [teenagers]” is consistent with what teens have told me about their reluctance to share suicidal thoughts with their parents (and other adults, for that matter). They fear – and often firmly believe – that they will not be understood.
It sounds like you have a great deal of empathy for your friends. They are lucky to have you. Research shows that teens talk to friends about suicidal thoughts long before they confide in their parents, if they ever even do tell their parents. You are a great resource for other teens, because it is clear not only that they are comfortable coming to you for help, but also that you understand and, at the same time, are learning more about suicide. Thanks for helping!
Well, i dont think i was clear on what i wanted to say. I said that i ‘in a way’ agree with ‘someone’ because i based it on personal experience. I know some people like and get better with therapy, but what i was trying to say is that the people who i have helped (from friends to people i hadnt really talkes to before) didnt like getting therapy, were afraid their parents will find out, or didnt get better with therapy. Sorry for the missunderstandong and for you people out there, there is always a way out and you are a very valuable person no matter what.
The general reason is usually that parents cant help you, they will only make it worse. If i finally would decide to commit suicide i know i wouldnt tell my parents about it… The best thing parents can do if their teen child says something, is
1. Take it seriously
2. Accept their thoughts
3. Tell them what they mean to you
4. ? This is the one to make him/her feel better.. maybe buy them a pet if your teen likes animals, or figure out something better.. something that he/she can give love to.. its not the solution but its a good start!
5. Dont treat him/her in a diffrent way than earlier, no matter what!
Rule #1 not to do
Dont ever bring your teen to a psychologist..
why?
It will make him/her feel weird as if he/she is a freak… psychologists wont save your child!
Im 16 years old n ive been thinking of suicide many times, like a lot of others in the same age… which ive been chatting with..
Hope it helps
“Someone” – this is fantastic advice. Thank you for sharing.
The one thing I would challenge is the advice for parents not to take their teen to a psychologist (or other mental health professional). Of course, I am biased because I am a therapist, and I do think my work has been helpful to suicidal teens. Aside from my bias, there’s research out there that shows that mental health services, particular psychotherapy and antidepressant medication, can reduce suicidal thoughts and behavior in teens.
So if ever you do think you need or want help from a professional, I hope you will give it a try. It doesn’t mean you’re weird or a freak. It just means that suicide has called out loudly to you, through no fault (or freakiness) of your own, and someone who’s trained in such matters can help you talk back to suicide. There are other ways to get help, too, whether from online sites, books, etc. Please check out my Resources page for people who are thinking about suicide, to see if there’s something on there that might fit with you.
Im tired of my life and i wish i was never born i wish that i would never have a family because they dont understand me and im a stupid daugther stupid girl help
Lola,
Coincidentally I am reading your comment immediately after replying to Vivian’s, above. And my advice to you is the same as my advice to her, which is to please, please tell an adult what you are feeling and experiencing. You do not have to suffer alone. If you are in the U.S., please call the 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255 (TALK). Also check out the Resources page for other places you can get help by phone, text, or chat. Above all, please tell someone — whether a teacher, doctor, religious figure, coach, school counselor, etc. — what you are going through!
Suicide thoughts are a dangerous thing. It’s best to keep making helping websites and protect the life of teens