What are Your Reasons for Living?

If you have suicidal thoughts, then you probably have clearly spelled out in your head your reasons for dying. These reasons may taunt you, incessantly reminding you of what is wrong with your life, perhaps even the world.

Do you pay more attention to your reasons for dying than your reasons for living?

People’s reasons for living typically are unique to their situation. At the same time, some reasons are quite common. Here are reasons that my psychotherapy clients often give when I ask them what keeps them alive:

* Family and friends (especially, not wanting to hurt them by dying by suicide)

* Pets (in particular, a worry about whether they would be taken to a shelter or euthanized after their owner’s death)

* Fear of death and the unknown

* A feeling of a responsibility to others to stay alive

* A belief that suicide is against their religion, or more generally fear of going to hell

* Hope, even amid suffering, that things will get better

Another way to think of reasons for living is to ask yourself what has stopped you from acting on your suicidal thoughts. As I discuss in my post “What Stops You From Killing Yourself?”, you might come up with reasons that have more to do with fear of suicide than hope for life. All your reasons, whatever those reasons are, are important. They have kept you going.

Comparing Reasons for Living & Reasons for Dying

Here is a challenge for you: List your reasons for living, and then your reasons for dying. Rate each reason on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being weak and 5 being strong. Then see which score is higher. (This technique is from the Suicide Status Form, which can be found in the book Managing Suicidal Risk: A Collaborative Approach, by David Jobes, Ph.D.)

If your scores for reasons for dying and reasons for living are equal, that shows you have very high ambivalence about suicide. If your reasons for living score exceeds that of your reasons for dying, you are in a safer place than others. If your reasons for dying score is higher than your reasons for living score, you are at especially high risk. I hope you will seek help now. (In fact, regardless of your scores, I strongly urge anybody who seriously considers suicide to reach out for help. You are invited to look here at a list of resources for suicidal people.)

Measuring Your Reasons for Living

Perhaps depression, stress, trauma, psychological pain or other forces of suicide reach out to you so strongly that you cannot think of reasons for living. The Reasons for Living Inventory contains 72 reasons for living that you can endorse (or not).

The list concerns attitudes toward life and death more than actual objects or situations you might cherish. As a result, it leaves off some important reasons for living. For me, pets and a deep appreciation for nature would be important reasons to stick around, along with my love for family, and neither pets nor nature are included in the scale. Still, the scale is a valuable tool to help you assess you beliefs about life and its worth. Maybe it can help you remember your own reasons for living.

I include the Reasons for Living Inventory below, with permission from its developer, Marsha Linehan, Ph.D. You also can find it here. On her University of Washington website, you also can find a shorter version, and versions in other languages.

There also is a scoring worksheet; you can compute your score for different topics on the scale. To me, the score is not as important as is the reminder of some of the different reasons you might have for staying alive. But if you’re interested, you can compute your scores for the main areas that the scale assesses, which are:

* Survival & Coping Beliefs

* Responsibility to Family

* Child-Related Concerns

* Fear of Suicide

* Fear of Social Disapproval

* Moral Objections

Now, here is the Reasons for Living Inventory. Which reasons apply to you? What other reasons can you add?

Reasons for Living Inventory, by Marsha Linehan, Ph.D

(Reprinted with Dr. Linehan’s permission)

For each item below, rate the importance to you of this reason for not killing yourself.

1 = Not at All Important (as a reason for not killing myself, or does not apply to me, I don’t believe this at all)

2 = Quite unimportant

3 = Somewhat Unimportant

4 = Somewhat Important

5 = Quite Important

6 = Extremely Important (as a reason for not killing myself, I believe this very much and it is important)

1. I have a responsibility and commitment to my family.

2. I believe I can learn to adjust or cope with my problems.

3. I believe I have control over my life and destiny.

4. I have a desire to live.

5. I believe only God has the right to end a life.

6. I am afraid of death.

7. My family might believe I did not love them.

8. I do not believe that things get miserable or hopeless enough that I would rather be dead.

9. My family depends upon me and needs me.

10. I do not want to die.

11. I want to watch my children as they grow.

12. Life is all we have and is better than nothing.

13. I have future plans I am looking forward to carrying out.

14. No matter how badly I feel, I know that it will not last.

15. I am afraid of the unknown.

16. I love and enjoy my family too much and could not leave them.

17. I want to experience all that life has to offer and there are many experiences I haven’t had yet which I want to have.

18. I am afraid that my method of killing myself would fail.

19. I care enough about myself to live.

20. Life is too beautiful and precious to end it.

21. It would not be fair to the leave the children for others to take care of.

22. I believe I can find other solutions to my problems.

23. I am afraid of going to hell.

24. I have a love of life.

25. I am too stable to kill myself.

26. I am a coward and do not have the guts to do it.

27. My religious beliefs forbid it.

28. The effect on my children could be harmful.

29. I am curious about what will happen in the future.

30. It would hurt my family too much and I would not want them to suffer.

31. I am concerned about what others would think of me.

32. I believe everything has a way of working out for the best.

33. I could not decide where, when, and how to do it.

34. I consider it morally wrong.

35. I still have many things left to do.

36. I have the courage to face life.

37. I am happy and content with my life.

38. I am afraid of the actual “act” of killing myself (the pain, blood, violence).

39. I believe killing myself would not really accomplish or solve anything.

40. I have hope that things will improve and the future will be happier.

41. Other people would think I am weak and selfish.

42. I have an inner drive to survive.

43. I would not want people to think I did not have control over my life.

44. I believe I can find a purpose in life, a reason to live.

45. I see no reason to hurry death along.

46. I am so inept that my method would not work.

47. I would not want my family to feel guilty afterwards.

48. I would not want my family to think I was selfish or a coward.

49. I would not be able to see the effect of my death on others.

50. Close friends depend upon me and need me.

51. I can find meaning in suffering.

52. There are friends I enjoy and love too much to leave.

53. I have too much pride in myself.

54. Rational people do not kill themselves.

55. If I were depressed enough to want to die, I would be too depressed to kill myself.

56. I make a contribution to society.

57. Society disapproves of my killing myself.

58. I have people who love me and would listen to me and understand me.

59. I see no reason to die and let someone else enjoy the things I worked for.

60. It is a sign of weakness and I don’t want to be a quitter or a failure.

61. I am afraid that my death would not matter to anyone.

62. The finality of the act would stop me.

63. It would be too much of an embarrassment to my family.

64. It would hurt my close friends too much.

65. There are obligations I feel I should keep.

66. I would think of others worse off than myself.

67. I have a job in which I am involved and where I am needed.

68. I have a responsibility and commitment to my friends.

69. I would know I probably was not serious and it was just a passing thought.

70. Experiencing unhappiness is an important part of life.

71. I would stop feeling sorry for myself.

72. The thought of suicide is totally incomprehensible to me.

For more information about the Reasons for Living Inventory, see the article that first described its use: Linehan, Marsha M.; Goodstein, Judith L.; Nielsen, Stevan L.; Chiles, John A. (1983). Reasons for staying alive when you are thinking of killing yourself: The Reasons for Living Inventory. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(2), 276-286.

Copyright 2013 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, except the Reasons for Living Inventory, which is copyrighted by Marsha Linehan, PhD. All rights Reserved. Written For: Speaking of Suicide. Photos purchased from Fotolia.com.